Relationships are work. Many couples try to make things work by winning at all things. They control the expenditures, the daily plans, and life as a whole. The reality of a successful marriage is that it has to be based on compromise, or it will fail. We’ve got a look into the truth that the healthiest couples know how to work together as a team.
The Work
A marriage counselor will tell you that marriage stats are that between 40 and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Of course, the reasons differ, but many times it comes down to real work. You’re expected to have bumps in the road. Life isn’t usually always easy. It takes coming together to figure things out to make things last. By going through hardship and overcoming issues together, you build a stronger foundation. A lasting, robust, and happy relationship takes work, or it falls apart.
Give A Little
You can’t always get your way. Even if you think you wear the pants in the relationship, you have to give in at times. A lasting relationship includes a large amount of compromise. If it was just you in the marriage, you could do whatever you wanted. You have another person to consider. Of course, you want to make them happy at times. You don’t always need to choose the restaurant, the movie, or vacation plans.
These are small things. In more significant decisions when it comes to your children, your aging parents and your professional journeys, you need to come together to figure things out. You may have to sacrifice to ensure their happiness.
Here are ten signs you need the aid of a marriage counselor.
Marriage Isn’t About Winning
It’s easy to lose sight of the “we” in your marriage. You mustn’t try to win every argument. It’s more about finding a solution. If you’re focusing on getting your way instead of solving the issue, you lose sight of the actual problem. You begin to resent one another. No one wins in a marriage if you both go to bed angry. The common goal in all of your issues is to find that solution together.
Communicate All The Time
A marriage counselor’s number one thing is usually communication. You have to figure out the best way to communicate with your spouse. It could be talking about your daily life, what you’re having for lunch, or the meaning of life itself. Talking about every little thing strengthens you as a couple. You have to figure out how to come together in all aspects of life. You must always listen when the other is speaking. Truly listen to their words.
How To Approach Compromise
All of these aspects of coming together as a couple leads to putting the work in. You have to have an attitude of compromising. Ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself if you value your differences. Make sure you understand it’s okay if you are not always right. Make sure you put aside your needs at times to meet your spouse’s needs. In the end, decide if you can negotiate your differences with love and respect.
Learn why couples argue.
The Obstacles
Traditionally girls are taught to be seen and not heard. They’re supposed to be the sweet, nice ones. The problem is that not all girls are like this, and nice people don’t usually step up to negotiate. Many times they just give in. In a marriage, it’s important to step past being nice. Both partners have to give in. Both partners have to speak their minds. If not, they’re left in the dust. The partners are equivalent in a relationship, so both should be heard on the same level.
Compromise Without Resentment
Remember that in compromise, no one wins or loses. Don’t consent to anything that you will be angry about later. If you have doubts, you’ll hold resentment. Talk about your decisions together until you reach something that you both don’t hate. You both might have to budge a little, but you won’t hold anger if each gets a little and gives a little. Never go with something that goes against your morals and beliefs. Openly discuss each decision with your true feelings.
Let It Go
Take a hint from “Frozen” and “let it go.” You don’t have to be right. You don’t have to get your way. Have the satisfaction that your spouse gets their way sometimes. If you hold tightly to the wrongs in your relationship, you lose sight of the entire thing. You can’t hold a grudge that you never get your way, or you don’t get your way enough. Just let things go.
Support Each Other
The strongest couples know how to support one another truly. You may not always understand the life goals of your spouse, but you have to support them. Sometimes one of you will be weak. It’s essential in these times to be the stronger one in the relationship. You’re to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders helping each other through life. Even when you don’t love the way they are approaching things, let them feel it out. Always use supportive words and be positive.
Share Your Heart
A compromise means you meet halfway, and you can’t do that if you aren’t real with your heart. Express your beliefs and emotions in every situation. Use statements with “me” and “I,” so there is no confusion in how you feel. Counselors always say instead of attacking anyone with words. You have to come from a place of expression. You must say, “I feel this way.” When you do this, the other person doesn’t have to get defensive. They just understand this is your feeling, and they respect it.
Strength In Decisions
You know your partner’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s essential when you’re coming to decisions to play on each other’s strengths. Always look for the positive in each person when making any decision. Even if you’re just talking about who does which chore. If you love washing the dishes and they love drying the dishes, it’s cut and dry. In the more significant decisions of life, look at your personalities as a whole as individuals when making a move.
Core Values
Stable couples have similar core values, most times. This fact does not mean you have to love doing all of the same things. Your backgrounds could be different. This means you believe in the same things. Usually, our core beliefs and fundamental values are instilled in us as children from our guardians. If you choose to follow these beliefs, make sure you share them with your spouse. They will guide you in how you make important decisions for your family in the future.
Evaluate Your Expectations
Sometimes you need to take a step back and decide what you want. Sometimes we fight just to win. And sometimes we forget why we’re even debating as it goes into a rabbit hole of confusion. Stay calm and focused when making decisions together. Maintain your emotions when you’re trying to conclude. Ask yourself if you believe in something so much, is it okay to give in a little? Would you still be alright with the conclusion?
Be Willing To Change
Changing things about yourself take a lot of work. You must be willing to act on changes. If you agree to something, but cannot change to reach that decision, then you have done nothing. A large part of compromising is sometimes following through by changing yourself. This means you’re showing the other person that you can change your feelings as well as your actions without making false promises.
Final Thoughts: Compromise Teaches Us How to Handle Differences
A huge part of compromising is learning to handle your differences. Traditionally boys were taught the boy with the most power wins. If they were raised in a home where the man was the dominant figure in the relationship, they tend to think that is how it goes. The reality is that it’s essential to see the differences instead of the hierarchy.
Here’s an example You may love a cooler temperature in the house. Your spouse may love a toasty warm house. There is a happy in-between where you can celebrate your difference in that temperature. All of life’s issues aren’t so easy, true. This means you have to figure out how to handle all of your differences in a civilized way. Resolve things based on the ways both of you figure things out. Celebrating your differences is important because you have to remember if you were the same, your heads would hit at all times.
A true partnership occurs when we are open, expand our ideas, loosen our rigid
The most robust relationships know how to compromise, leading to a long, healthy marriage. You have to let go of power to become stronger together. Don’t let pride get in the way of your success. Once you come together in all directions, you’ll be resilient as a couple.
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