Do you reflect back and miss an old relationship?
Say what?!
Why on earth would you miss Ed if you broke up six months ago? Then again, you did spend last year’s spring break in the Caribbean with him. In fact, it was the wildest time ever and you just cannot get the good times out of your head. Not to worry, lads, you can substitute ‘Ed’ for any other name. You did receive imagination as standard, after all!
Is this OK? Of course. So, where do I draw the line? The old road has too many potholes to be traveled on, which is why you left it in the first place. Therefore, getting to Miss-Him City is fine but reaching Lake Want-Him-Back further on is a no-no.
Why do you miss Ed?
The old saying goes, “Sometimes, it’s not the person you miss. It’s the feeling you had when you were with them.” Like last year’s spring break is one small example of this, you miss the sharing of everything: laughter, crying, talking, falling out, making up, making out, that late “false alarm” (phew!), and plenty of others. You may have spent years or even decades with Ed; all of this cannot and should not be forgotten, for it has helped you grow and become the person you are today.
Why It’s Healthy To Miss An Old Relationship (Even If You Don’t Want It Back)
It is natural to miss the “routine” of your old relationship. You had a certain comfort, a familiarity, a home. But not every home provides a healthy and nurturing environment. You know you deserve better; still, moving on is a struggle. That’s typical human behavior.
Learn the difference between giving up on love and letting go (in a healthy way!).
A Suggestion:
Hold a funeral in your mind and “mourn” the death of the relationship. It can be as short or long as you want, within reason. You do not want it too short not to let him go completely, nor too long to cling to the last thread of hope that you will get back together with him. Removing items that remind you of him is also important. These are props only for the lovesick, emotional hooks to reel you back. To be free from this torture, you must burn, delete, throw in the trash, and do what is necessary to release yourself. This can be part of your “ceremony” or after it. At the end of the day, they were a part of your life, but not anymore.
The Rewards for Moving On
Unlike on a laptop, there is no “undo” option for the past. Once it is done, it cannot be undone. Moving on is so painful but so rewarding. When you allow it to pass, you let a new world of dating possibilities into your life. Fred has liked you ever since you met a few years ago at the coffee shop, but you friend-zoned him for some reason. Ted keeps texting, but you “love him like a brother,” and Ned went to that concert with you just after your break-up, but it “was not the right time to start dating again.” Think Penny and Leonard of The Big Bang Theory.
Remember, the word ‘miss’ signifies this: The relationship missed the target set by you.
