Have you ever wanted to have a way to tell if the people you love think the same about you? Do you have a hard time understanding your value and need to know if others value you? Would you like to know how to act if you find out someone doesn’t appreciate you?
Relationships with loved ones are full of beautiful moments, but they can also be exhausting. Sometimes people don’t know how to reach out and ask if friends and family value them. They are stuck wondering without getting a straight answer. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity that eat at you for a long time. If you have trouble knowing whether or not you are valued, it’s best to know some signs.
Five Signs That Your Loved Ones Value You
Look for these signs that indicate someone treasures your heart.
1. Loved Ones Who Treasure You Will Listen to You
When someone listens to you, they show you that they value what you have to say. They want to know your opinion or what you are dealing with so that they can help you. And there is a big difference between listening just because you have to and actively listening. Someone who doesn’t value you will pretend to listen or nod from time to time, and that’s about it. They will brush you off and make the conversation all about them.
But someone who genuinely cares will give you their undivided attention when you want to talk. They will ask questions, give you their advice if you ask for it, and remember what you said in case it will be relevant later.
If you need to vent, they will let you. If you need help, they will try to guide you. While they won’t remember every detail of what you discussed, they will know about the things that matter to you the most. Sure, they might forget some one-off comment, but they will remember what your opinions, likes, and dislikes are.
Not only do they know how to listen, but they can adequately communicate with you. You can be sure you have a strong bond if you don’t feel weird telling them about something they do that bothers you. They can talk about whatever, without things ever getting awkward. They listen to your side, and only when you’re done do they share their opinion. They’re capable of making compromises if needed.
2. They Make You Feel Safe
Everyone knows that you can only have a healthy relationship if the people in the relationship make each other feel safe.
People generally know that someone who values you won’t be physically aggressive towards you. When someone gets so mad that they hit you or ruin your stuff, sometimes even this side is overlooked. Some people were raised in an environment where parents hitting their kids is normalized.
Others have had to deal with other types of domestic abuse. If you have been through trauma like this, know that someone physically aggressive towards you doesn’t value you. The same can be said about people that destroy your belongings. And if you’re in a delicate situation, let a friend know or contact authorities.
But the part that is even more normalized is the psychological abuse. Maybe a loved one is trying to pressure you into doing something. They might gaslight you, make you think you did things that you didn’t do. And there are other forms of psychological abuse. Whatever someone does that makes you feel unsafe, that’s an unjust attitude towards you.
The people who genuinely value you will make you feel safe. They won’t try to control your life, make decisions for you, or cut you off from social support. You can get to express your opinions and desires freely. For example, if you want to go out without them, they won’t make a scene over it. You can trust each other and count on each other to be there when needed.
3. Loved Ones Accept You Instead Of Trying To Change You
Most people have mixed opinions about what acceptance means. For some, it means leaving someone to their own devices without any interference. To others, it means guidance and advice. Some people don’t understand the concept and try to change the people around them.
The best way to describe acceptance is by acknowledging that someone is the way they are at a particular moment. It doesn’t mean you support them no matter what they do. And you can certainly wish to help them change certain things. So, if that’s not how your loved ones act towards you, it means they don’t value you as well as they should.
When a person accepts you, they will offer you guidance and constructive criticism. They aim to help you become a better version of yourself. They won’t try to control you or pressure you into acting in specific ways. You won’t have to deal with injunctions like “if you don’t change, I’m going to leave you.”
An accepting person will recognize that you are your person, and you have the right to do whatever you want to. They will support you when you want to pursue the best path for yourself. Of course, they won’t help you in doing things that could destroy your life. But if you want to move towns in pursuit of your dream career, they will back you. If you are working towards a promotion, they will help you. And if they see you going astray, they will try to get you back on the right path.
If you feel that your friends and family have this attitude towards you, you can be sure they value you.
4. They Pay Attention To The Details
This might not seem vital for a relationship, but paying attention to the details shows that people care about who you are.
The more details someone knows about you, the more they think about you. And someone who thinks about you respects you. It shows that not only do they listen when you talk, but they go a step further. They make a conscious effort to remember the little things. If you ever go to a coffee shop with someone, and they know how to place your favorite order, that’s a sign they value you.
They make an effort to ask about you. They want to know what you like and dislike so that they can use that information in the future. If they know you don’t like a particular food, they won’t make it at a gathering. They check up on you often to see if you’re alright or if you need something.
If you have a friend or relative who doesn’t do these things, that signifies they don’t value you. If you are vegan, but at a family dinner, they do not offer vegan-friendly alternatives, which shows they ignore your needs.
5. Your Loved Ones Keep Their Promises
Someone who values and respects you will make an effort to keep their promises no matter what. If your loved ones always show up when you need them to, you know they care deeply.
People tend to be selfish in life, and that’s understandable. But if they become selfish in relationships, that can become a problem. But you need to understand that people don’t need to make promises if they can’t keep them. If they make them and back out on them once, that’s excusable. But if that happens repeatedly, it shows a blatant disregard towards you.
A person who values you will try their best to make promises only when they know they can keep them. They don’t offer lame excuses to back out of a commitment. If you need their help, they will be there for you. This shows that they reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.
People who care will give just as much as they get. They match their words with actions. They won’t just give the illusion that they are there for you. Indeed, they will proactively do things. If they promise they’ll show up to an important event, they’ll be there. They won’t make up excuses last minute to get off the hook.
What To Do If Loved Ones Don’t Value You
Two reasons explain why certain people don’t value you. Either you do things that force them to lose respect, or they don’t care about you.
If you’re in the first scenario, where your actions have forced their hand, you need to make an effort to fix the situation. You need to understand what the problem is, what you have done to hurt them. Maybe you don’t offer them the support they need. Perhaps you are a terrible influence. Whatever it might be, you need to find the root cause. One way to do that is to have a conversation with them and take constructive criticisms. Make concessions when needed.
If you’re in the second scenario, that gets a bit more complicated. Therapist Jenny Walkers say that if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around someone, they don’t value you as they should. These people don’t make you feel seen or heard, to the point where they might interrupt you often or ignore you. They don’t value mutuality, don’t show up when you need them to, and they might be abusive. If that’s the case, you need to distance yourself from that person. Let them go if they don’t deserve you. Don’t justify their behaviors, don’t overcompensate, and don’t stay for the wrong reasons.
Final Thoughts On How To Find Out if Your Loved Ones Value You (And What To Do If They Don’t)
It’s important to be valued in every relationship you have. It would help if you felt that others care and respect you. The main sign that indicates people value you is if they put real effort into the relationship. If they listen, communicate, make you feel safe, and keep their promises, that shows you they are genuine.
If you know someone who criticizes you, that indicates they don’t value you the way they should. Those people don’t deserve you, and your best bet is to distance yourself from them as soon as possible.
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