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Lump on Neck: Causes, Diagnosis, and Treatment

January 24, 2019 by Sarah Barkley

Developing a lump on the neck is scary, especially if you don’t know the cause. While most neck lumps turn out to be harmless, some of them indicate serious health concerns. Understanding the causes, diagnosis process, and treatment options can help you address the issue correctly.

A lump on the neck is sometimes called a neck mass, and it can be large or small. These masses can indicate things like an infection or cancer growth, although it could be less severe. Even if you think it isn’t a serious issue, having it checked by a professional is the best option.

The many muscles, tissues, and organs near the neck make neck lumps a common occurrence.

Neck swelling can originate in quite a few places, including the following locations:

lymph nodes
thyroid gland
parathyroid glands
recurrent laryngeal nerves
neck muscles
the trachea or windpipe
the larynx or voice box
cervical vertebrae
sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system
the brachial plexus
salivary glands
arteries and veins

With the many areas that can experience neck masses, it is essential to understand what could be going on. You can compare your lump to pictures of neck lumps to help you determine the cause. From there, seek professional help for diagnosis and treatment.

What is a Neck Lump?

A neck lump is any swelling, bump, or lump in any part of your neck. The masses can be hard or soft and tender or non-tender and in or under the skin. Additionally, a lump in the neck can come from tissues, muscles, organs, or other components within your neck.

When neck lumps occur in children, it is typically the result of treatable infections. They should receive treatment right away, though, so that they don’t experience further complications. When adults get neck masses, there are a wide variety of reasons.

Common Underlying Causes of Neck Lumps

There are many potential causes of neck lumps or masses, including the following conditions:

swollen or enlarged lymph nodes due to ear or sinus infections, tonsillitis, strep throat, dental infections, or bacterial infections
infectious mononucleosis
goiter
sebaceous cyst on neck
abscess
skin cancer
thyroid nodules
branchial cleft cyst
tonsillitis
Hodgkin’s disease
non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
thyroid cancer
lipoma
autoimmune diseases
mumps
enlarged salivary glands
injury or torticollis
leukemia
HIV
herpes simplex
rubella
viral pharyngitis
cat scratch fever
tuberculosis
allergic reactions to medication or food
skin irritation
a boil
acne
muscle knots
hyperthyroidism
developmental abnormalities
blood vessel lumps
tumors
paraganglioma
a stone or stenosis

Symptoms Associated with Neck Lumps

Since neck lumps result from a variety of things, the symptoms vary, too. Some people have no symptoms at all, but others have symptoms that include:

Upper Respiratory Tract Infection

Upper Respiratory tract infections are a symptom often associated with cervical lymphadenitis. Another type of lump, congenital masses, are typically present at birth but rapidly enlarges after an upper respiratory tract infection.

Progressive Enlargement

If the mass wasn’t present before and progressively enlarges, it could indicate metastatic carcinoma.

Swelling After Meals

When the submandibular or parotid area swells after meals, it indicates a salivary gland duct obstruction. This issue could be a result of a stone or stenosis.

Fever, Night Sweats, Fatigue, or Weight Loss

When these symptoms occur together, it is indicative of a systemic infection or condition. They happen as a result of lymphoma, but there could be other causes, as well.

Sore Throat, Pain on Swallowing, or Cough

These symptoms can suggest an upper aerodigestive tract malignancy. Additionally, the symptoms are often present in people over 40 who smoke cigarettes.

Sore Throat, Difficulty Swallowing, or Ear Pain

If these symptoms accompany enlarged lymph nodes, it is likely due to an infection.

Trouble Breathing or Sounding Hoarse

When a neck lump is blocking the airway, you might experience these symptoms. They often occur together, but sometimes you will only experience one.

Skin Changes

When skin changes accompany neck lumps, it is a sign of cancer. Seek professional advice immediately if you notice changes in your skin.

Blood or Phlegm in the Saliva

If you have a lump and these symptoms accompany it, you might have cancer. Don’t panic, though, because there are also less severe causes.

The Lump on Neck is Soft and Flexible

When the lump is soft and flexible, it could indicate a lipoma, a knot of fatty tissue. A lipoma is typically harmless and will go away on its own.

Pain in or Around the Lump on Neck

If the lump is painful or tender, it is likely a pimple or abscess. These issues are harmless, but you must be careful so that you don’t develop an infection.

What Could the Neck Lumps Mean?

Neck lumps happen to anyone despite their age, and it isn’t always a sign of severe health issues. You should still see a healthcare professional be sure, though, because many severe conditions can cause a lump too. The sooner you receive confirmed answers, the sooner you can choose how to move forward.

A lump on the neck could come from you’re your skin or anything beneath it. The location of your mass can help determine the cause and what it could mean. Most lumps are not serious and disappear without treatment after a while.

However, since it can indicate something serious, it’s best not to assume it’s nothing. Don’t ignore a lump on your neck, especially if it is associated with something severe.

The sooner you get a diagnosis and begin treatment, the better your outcome will be. The American Academy of Otolaryngology explains that most neck cancers can be cured with early detection.

When Should I Worry About a Lump in My Neck?

In some instances, you should worry about a lump on the neck and seek professional help immediately. You should worry about a lump in your neck when:

You Experience Other Signs

When the lump on your neck accompanies chills, fever, or nausea, seek medical attention right away. It signifies an infection, and your symptoms can quickly worsen.

The Lump Grows in Size or Doesn’t Heal.

When the lump doesn’t heal and continues growing, it is a sign of melanoma. You shouldn’t wait to schedule an appointment with your doctor if this is the case.

You Are Unsure

Anytime you are unsure about something related to your health, you should see a professional. It is best to play it safe rather than ignore something serious.

It is Red or Tender

When the lump is red or tender, it could indicate an infection. You may need treatment to get rid of the infection and start the healing process.

The Lump is Hard or Solid

When your neck mass is hard or solid, it indicates a severe condition. It could be a sign of cancer and should be looked at immediately, especially if it grows.

You Start Losing Weight Without Trying

If weight loss accompanies your neck lump, it is a sign of something more serious. Visit your doctor right away.

Your Voice Changes

If you notice changes in your voice, especially hoarseness, pay attention to the duration. If the change lasts for more than three weeks, you should worry.

You Experience Difficulty Swallowing

There could be many reasons for trouble swallowing, but some of them are serious. Seek your doctor to be sure.

You Have Trouble Breathing

Difficulty breathing or feeling out of breath can indicate a blockage or a stone. This doesn’t typically go away on its own.

You Cough Up Blood

Anytime you cough up blood, it is alarming, and you should worry. When it happens along with a lump on your neck, it requires immediate attention.

Diagnosing A Lump on Neck

Knowing what to expect when getting your lump diagnosed can help make the process easier.

Understanding Your Health History

Your doctor will likely ask about your health history, lifestyle habits, and symptoms. If you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, they’ll want to know how much and how often.

A Physical Exam

Your doctor will want to do a physical exam to check out specific areas of your body. They’ll focus on your scalp, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, throat, neck, and skin.

Referral to an ENT Specialist

In some instances, your doctor might refer you to an ear, nose, and throat (ENT) specialist. The specialist can perform procedures to help with a diagnosis.

Complete Blood Count

Your doctor will likely want a complete blood count to evaluate your health and offer insight into potential conditions. If your white blood cell count is high, your doctor will know to look for an infection.

X-Rays

A chest X-ray helps your doctor determine a problem in your trachea, lungs, or chest lymph nodes. They might also do a sinus X-ray to look for any potential issues in those areas.

An Ultrasound of The Neck

Ultrasound is non-invasive and offers an effective way to evaluate your neck lumps. Your doctor can rule out or diagnose quite a few issues based on the results.

An MRI

Your doctor might want you to get an MRI on your head and neck. An MRI gives detailed images of the structures inside of your head.

Radioactive Thyroid Scan

A radioactive thyroid scan can help check for issues in your thyroid. It can show goiters, thyroid nodules, and other problems within the area.

Thyroid Biopsy

If your doctor discovers that the growth is coming from your thyroid, they’ll want to look further. They will likely order a thyroid biopsy to learn more about the lump on your neck.

Surgery

If the lump is a mass, tumor, or cyst on the neck, your doctor might want you to have surgery to remove it.

Tissue Sample

If the doctor can’t determine the cause, they might request a tissue sample. This test can help them provide an accurate and complete diagnosis.

How Are Neck Lumps Treated?

Your treatment plan will depend on your diagnosis and the underlying cause. When a bacterial infection causes a lump on your neck, you will need antibiotics. Antibiotics are also used for abscesses.

For a cancer diagnosis, your treatment could vary between surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. Skin tumors typically require an operation to remove cancer, while chemotherapy is used for blood-related cancers.

If swollen lymph nodes cause the lump on your neck, they likely won’t require treatment and will go away once you feel better. Sometimes, you might need treatment to heal from the underlying cause of the lymph nodes, though. Once you treat the cause, you will notice that the lymph nodes return to their regular size.

Additionally, sebaceous cysts don’t typically require medical attention or treatment. If you want them removed anyway, the area will be numbed and cleaned before removal. For an infection under the cyst, your doctor might drain the area and prescribe antibiotics.

If thyroid issues cause the lump, your doctor might prescribe replacement thyroid hormones. These hormones will help regulate the thyroid and help it return to regular size.

When stones in the salivary ducts cause the lump, it is essential to have the blockages cleared. Only when the stones get removed will the mass on your neck disappear.

For lumps that aren’t severe, you can try using a warm compress to ease abscesses or cysts. The treatment that works for one person might not work for you, so make sure to follow your doctor’s advice.

Final Thoughts on Lump on Neck: Pictures, Causes, Diagnosis, And Treatment

A lump on the neck isn’t something you should ignore, even if you think it’s nothing serious. It is better to be safe and protect yourself than to ignore a potentially severe health condition. Understanding the causes, diagnosis process, and treatment options can help you.

Compare your lumps to the pictures and see if any of them match up. Even if they don’t match the photos, seek medical treatment to get an official diagnosis. Your doctor can help you determine how to eliminate the lump on your neck and begin healing.

20 Photos That Relieve Stress Better Than A Psychologist

January 24, 2019 by Power of Positivity

Stress is one of the largest threats to our mental and physical health in the modern world. The American Psychological Association calls it a “public health crisis,” as 44% of Americans feel that their stress levels have increased in the past five years. Concerns about money, work, and the economy top the list of what Americans have concerns about, while family responsibilities, health, and relationships follow closely behind. So, how do we relieve stress?

Although stress seems to go hand-in-hand with our modern way of life, we can do certain things to take our minds off of what bothers us, even if it’s just for a short while. Below, you’ll find some beautiful photos that will help ease your worries and take you to a faraway place in your mind.

Here are 20 photos that relieve stress better than a psychologist:

1. Somewhere in Egypt, the sands of time flow in perfect unison with the universe.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by ?????? ????????? ? (@worldstravelerz) on Jan 13, 2019 at 10:41am PST

2. If only we could stop and admire the grace of a butterfly, our stress would melt away.

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A post shared by Mary (@myfavoritepicturesss) on Jan 13, 2019 at 1:19pm PST

3. “Explore more. Worry less. Create life.”

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A post shared by Backpackerinc (@backpackerinc) on Jan 9, 2019 at 7:32am PST

4. Nothing like a waterfall and turquoise waters to relieve stress.

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A post shared by Nature | Travel | Vacation (@naturegramy) on Jan 13, 2019 at 2:25pm PST

5. The alpine wilderness of Jasper National Park is simply breathtaking.

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A post shared by Explorer (@explorer) on Jan 13, 2019 at 1:16pm PST

6. “Eagle Owl”

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A post shared by The King of Raptors (@elite_raptors) on Jan 13, 2019 at 12:44pm PST

7. If you simply look up at the stars, you can find your place in the world.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by ?? ??? ????? (@onthepixel) on Jan 13, 2019 at 12:56pm PST

8. “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

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A post shared by Aleks Harlow (@aleks_harlow) on Jan 13, 2019 at 11:50am PST

9. Nothing like a cute kitten to relieve stress!

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A post shared by Cute Cats Kittens (@cutecatshow) on Jan 13, 2019 at 11:50am PST

10. Simply adorable.

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A post shared by Wolf Wolves of Instagram ? (@live_with_wolves) on Jan 13, 2019 at 12:19pm PST

11. Lions are some of the most majestic animals on the planet.

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A post shared by Lion lovers? (@lions.arena) on Jan 13, 2019 at 1:16pm PST

12. Nature can always relieve stress, as we are a part of it.

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A post shared by Discovery ? (@discovery_earth) on Jan 12, 2019 at 11:19am PST

13. Beautiful!

Took this picture on a flight home
byu/Robotjukebox inpics

14. Lake Crescent at Olympic National Park

Lake Crescent (Olympic National Park), just after dawn [OC] [4912×7360] from r/EarthPorn

15. This watermelon ice cream is so pretty!

[I ate] watermelon ice cream from r/food

16. This is definitely worth seeing at some point.

Bioluminescent photoplankton at night from r/Damnthatsinteresting

17. Captured while flying through a storm.

Took this photo flying through a storm from r/pics

18. Furry friends and nature are always guaranteed to relieve stress.

Packing up the essentials from r/pics

19. Highway in Dubai

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A post shared by Jordan Hammond (@jordhammond) on May 28, 2018 at 7:21am PDT

20. The relaxation that this photo evokes definitely helps to relieve stress.

Mirror Mirror from r/pics

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Scientists Explain Why Mental Disorders Often Appear In Your Early 20s

January 24, 2019 by Power of Positivity

One in four people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives. Around 450 million people currently suffer from such conditions, placing mental disorders among the leading causes of ill-health and disability worldwide. – World Health Organization

Many young adults will suffer from mental health disorders as the stresses of daily life start to hit them full-force. Between applying for and interviewing for jobs, moving out of their parents’ house, paying for all the bills, and trying to find new friends, becoming an adult can feel quite overwhelming. While not everyone in their early 20s will develop a mental disorder, those who already have a predisposition for them may start to feel symptoms as a young adult.

In other words, genetics loads the gun, and environment pulls the trigger.

For adults who had a rough childhood and never sought help for their mental illness, transitioning into adulthood might feel like an overwhelming task. However, why do some people with a predisposition for mental illness not show any signs while others do? We will go over why some people start showing signs of mental illness in their early 20s (and what they can do to manage their symptoms).

Here’s why mental disorders often appear in your early 20s:

Johanna Jarcho, Ph.D., assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Temple University, answers some of the questions people tend to have about mental disorders. Her work has focused on differences in the brains of mentally healthy people versus those who have anxiety disorders. She explains how social conditions can affect the development of our brains, and how mental disorders should always get treated early on.

Dr. Jarcho says that if you have an anxiety disorder as an adult, there’s a 90% you had it as a teenager as well. She says most people develop anxiety disorders as children and don’t get the proper treatment, so they carry over into adulthood. Either parents don’t know the signs to look for or simply think they will outgrow the symptoms as they get older. However, during adolescence, the brain undergoes enormous changes, and social conditions and environment greatly shape the brain.

Basically, what you’re exposed to as a young adult can alter your brain chemistry and set the stage for mental problems as an adult. For example, if you get bullied in school and don’t learn coping mechanisms, your brain will become “set” in certain patterns that grow difficult to unlearn as an adult.

In young adulthood, we face college, finding internships and jobs, finding a new social circle, and moving out, which can all seem overwhelming if you also have to deal with mental disorders. However, how can we know if our environment or genetics plays a greater role in the development of certain mental disorders?

Genetics or Environment?

Dr. Jarcho explains that some disorders have greater heritability than others. Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, for example, are more likely to be passed down through genetics. If a parent or sibling has one of these disorders, you’re more likely to develop it yourself. Additionally, your environment can make it even more likely that you’ll have the disorder.

She says that depression and anxiety, on the other hand, have a lower rate of heritability. These are more heavily influenced by your environment, she says. Though we’ve evolved to move away from our parents at a certain age and become independent, our environment in childhood and adolescence can determine how smoothly that transition will go.

Mental disorders are complex in nature, and it’s difficult to know if genetics or environment plays a bigger role in each specific case. However, it’s usually a combination of both that leads to the development of certain disorders.

In a positive, supportive environment, many people will not develop a mental disorder, even if it’s in their DNA. Scientists have discovered that a low-stress family environment lowers the risk of depression in children. For example, even if the child possesses a certain serotonin transporter gene known to play a role in the development of depression, a supportive and positive family can minimize possible depressive symptoms. So, parents who do damage control early on will help their children grow into young adults who have a much easier time adjusting to the stresses of everyday life.

The Importance of Positive Coping Skills for Mental Disorders

Obviously, this doesn’t happen in many cases. For this reason, people have to learn valuable coping skills in order to manage their anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders. However, the rising cost of healthcare puts many young adults between a rock and a hard place, which further proves the importance of getting help early on (while you might still have your parent’s insurance as a safety net).

Also, examining your childhood life can help you gain insight into why you might have developed a mental disorder in the first place. Overprotective, nervous, anxious parents can certainly cause you to develop mental illnesses. Perhaps you do not feel you had the support you needed as a child. On the opposite spectrum, overly passive, uncaring parents can make you feel neglected. This might make you feel unworthy of love or affection. Many factors can compound to cause someone to develop mental disorders, in other words.

Dr. Jarcho stresses that if you get help early on, however, the disorders won’t have as much time to fester. In other words, they won’t grow exacerbated by other life factors. If you get treatment as a teenager, you’ll learn coping skills and new ways of thinking. This can help mitigate any damage already caused by your childhood environment and the genes you inherited.

The key is in preventative care.

Society encourages us to eat right and exercise to avoid getting health problems such as heart disease and diabetes, but we don’t really get sufficient advice when it comes to mental health. We have overlooked or even ignored our mental state for too long. Now we’re paying the price as a society.

We have taken a step in the right direction, though, as more people work to spread the right information and show awareness about mental disorders. Though the stigma surrounding mental health still exists, the public in general seems more knowledgeable and less judgmental about mental disorders. Many people still avoid getting the help they need due to feeling ashamed, though. This can greatly hinder their recovery.

Dr. Jarcho says that too many people rely on online forums and online health tools to diagnose themselves and find support, but she explains that proper treatment is vitally important. Going to a professional with the proper resources will help you get on the right track so that you can feel in control of your life again. However, getting more information about your symptoms online doesn’t hurt; she says to avoid relying fully on the internet for help, though.

She also stresses that overcoming a mental disorder does not happen overnight. It takes a lot of work. You can’t just use an online computer game or app that claims to help anxiety or depression and instantly feel better. There’s a lot of misinformation and false hope out there regarding mental health. The truth is that it takes support, lifestyle changes, and maybe therapy and/or medication to start feeling better.

Don’t give up!

We all have to learn how to cope with our ever-changing world; what works for one person may not work for someone else. As an example, there are dozens of different medicines on the market for anxiety and depression, but they don’t work for everyone. It’s trial and error to get the right combination of medicine for you, but sticking with it is the key.

Many people get tired of trying different methods for their mental health. Know that it’s certainly worth it to find freedom from suffering. Dr. Jarcho goes on to say that mental health is complex. Science is still in its early stages regarding treatment options. She hopes that in 10-15 years, we will be able to pinpoint symptoms earlier and develop more personalized treatment plans.

She says that for many young adults, their symptoms will dissipate. However, others might need ongoing treatment. Going to a therapist or other mental health professional should be part of your general wellness routine. In other words, it should not be something you consider only when you’re in a crisis. As we said before, preventative care is important so that you can tackle problems early on. You don’t want to let them build up over time.

Final thoughts

As you can see, mental disorders have a complex beginning. As such, treatment will vary from person to person. Environment and genetics both play a role in the development of mental illnesses. Still, spotting them early on can help make adulthood much more manageable. If you are suffering, don’t hesitate to get help, even if you feel like it’s too late. It’s never too late to address your mental health, because no one should have to live in misery.

In general, make sure to utilize positive thinking, healthy eating, exercise, and a regular sleep schedule. Also, actively seek out times of relaxation in order to keep your mental health under control.

This Devastating Obituary Left A Powerful Message Everyone Needs to Read

January 21, 2019 by Power of Positivity

The obituary of a young mother who lost her life to an opioid addiction has struck a chord in people’s hearts all over the globe. Many people look down upon those with an addiction. The truth is, only the person suffering and their family understands the horrors of trying to beat the addiction.

Unfortunately, doctors and pharmaceutical companies support this crisis directly (even if not intentionally). The people affected are just average folks trying to get relief from debilitating pain. It isn’t their fault that these drugs have been designed to cause such an addiction. To give you an idea of just how widespread opioid addiction has become, here are some eye-opening statistics from the National Institute on Drug Abuse:

Every day, more than 115 people in the United States die from an opioid overdose. Opioids are a highly addictive class of painkillers such as methadone, oxycodone, Vicodin, heroin, and fentanyl. The misuse of these drugs has caused an epidemic that affects every aspect of society, from public health to economic well-being. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that prescription opioid misuse in the United States costs $78.5 billion a year. This amount also accounts for healthcare costs, rehab, lost productivity, and law enforcement involvement.

What caused the opioid crisis?

In the late 1990s, healthcare providers began to prescribe opioids more frequently. Pharmaceutical companies reassured doctors that patients would not become addicted. Unfortunately, pharmaceutical companies either lied or grossly underestimated how addictive opioids could be. Thereafter, many people developed an addiction to them.

Overdose rates steadily increased. In 2015, more than 33,000 Americans died from an opioid overdose. The causes included prescription opioids, heroin, and fentanyl – a powerful synthetic opioid. That same year, an estimated 2 million people in the U.S. suffered from substance abuse disorders related to prescription opioid pain relievers. Additionally, 591,000 suffered from a heroin use disorder.

Facts about the opioid crisis

About 21 to 29 percent of patients misuse prescribed opioids for chronic pain.
Between 8 and 12 percent of patients develop an opioid use disorder.
An estimated 4 to 6 percent who misuse prescription opioids also use heroin.
About 80 percent of people who use heroin first developed an addiction to prescription opioids.
Opioid overdoses increased by 30 percent from July 2016 through September 2017 in 52 areas throughout 45 states.
The Midwest saw a 70% increase in opioid overdoses from July 2016 through September 2017.
Opioid overdoses in metropolitan areas increased by 54 percent in 16 states during this same timeframe.

These devastating statistics have prompted Congress to add an additional $500 million to the NIH budget. They hope to find solutions to the opioid epidemic. The government has focused its efforts recently on improving treatments for opioid addiction. Three medications are currently FDA-approved specifically for opioid use disorders. Also, enhancing pain management is a top priority.

The Obituary Everyone Needs to Read

30-year-old Madelyn Linsenmeir died of an opioid overdose on October 7 of this year (2018). Her sister wrote a heartfelt obituary for her in The Burlington Free Press, and it has since gone viral because it shows how devastating opioid addiction really is for the sufferer and their loved ones.

The obituary reads:

“Our beloved Madelyn Ellen Linsenmeir died on Sunday, October 7. While her death was unexpected, Madelyn suffered from drug addiction, and for years we feared her addiction would claim her life. We are grateful that when she died, she was safe and she was with her family. …

Madelyn was a born performer and had a singing voice so beautiful it would stop people on the street. Whether she was onstage in a musical or around the kitchen table with her family, when she shared her voice, she shared her light. She was a member of FolKids of Vermont, a dance and musical troupe that toured the world. Maddie visited Russia and Thailand with the group and, as part of their exchange program, hosted kids from other countries at home in Vermont. She loved to ski and snowboard, and she swam on the YMCA swim team, winning medals at the New England regionals.

When she was 16, she moved with her parents from Vermont to Florida to attend a performing arts high school. Soon after she tried OxyContin for the first time at a high school party, and so began a relationship with opiates that would dominate the rest of her life.

It is impossible to capture a person in an obituary, and especially someone whose adult life was largely defined by drug addiction. To some, Maddie was just a junkie — when they saw her addiction, they stopped seeing her. And what a loss for them. Because Maddie was hilarious, and warm, and fearless, and resilient. She could and would talk to anyone, and when you were in her company you wanted to stay. In a system that seems to have hardened itself against addicts and is failing them every day, she befriended and delighted cops, social workers, public defenders and doctors, who advocated for and believed in her ’til the end. She was adored as a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend and mother, and being loved by Madelyn was a constantly astonishing gift.”

Next, Maddie’s sister describes her relationship with her son:

Maddie loved her family and the world. But more than anyone else, she loved her son, Ayden, who was born in 2014. She transformed her life to mother him. Every afternoon in all kinds of weather, she would put him in a backpack and take him for a walk. She sang rather than spoke to him, filling his life with song. Like his mom, Ayden loves to swim; together they would spend hours in the lake or pool. And she so loved to snuggle him up, surrounding him with her love.

After having Ayden, Maddie tried harder and more relentlessly to stay sober than we have ever seen anyone try at anything. But she relapsed and ultimately lost custody of her son, a loss that was unbearable.

During the past two years especially, her disease brought her to places of incredible darkness, and this darkness compounded on itself, as each unspeakable thing that happened to her and each horrible thing she did in the name of her disease exponentially increased her pain and shame. For 12 days this summer, she was home, and for most of that time she was sober. For those 12 wonderful days, full of swimming and Disney movies and family dinners, we believed as we always did that she would overcome her disease and make the life for herself we knew she deserved. We believed this until the moment she took her last breath. But her addiction stalked her and stole her once again. Though we would have paid any ransom to have her back, any price in the world, this disease would not let her go until she was gone.

After giving information regarding Maddie’s surviing family members, the obituary encouraged donations made to the Turning Point Center, a place where Maddie had spent time and received care and support: turningpointcentervt.org.

The obituary went on to say:

If you yourself are struggling from addiction, know that every breath is a fresh start. Know that hundreds of thousands of families who have lost someone to this disease are praying and rooting for you. Know that we believe with all our hearts that you can and will make it. It is never too late.

If you are reading this with judgment, educate yourself about this disease, because that is what it is. It is not a choice or a weakness. And chances are very good that someone you know is struggling with it, and that person needs and deserves your empathy and support.

If you work in one of the many institutions through which addicts often pass — rehabs, hospitals, jails, courts — and treat them with the compassion and respect they deserve, thank you. If instead you see a junkie or thief or liar in front of you rather than a human being in need of help, consider a new profession.

We take comfort in knowing that Maddie is surrounded by light, free from the struggle that haunted her. We would have given anything for her to experience that freedom in this lifetime. Our grief over losing her is infinite. And now so is she.”

Closing Thoughts

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that 25% of people who have a long-term prescription for opioids for non-cancer pain will develop an addiction. Around 72,000 people in the US died of an opioid overdose in 2017. This means the rate of deaths from overdose has more than doubled since 2015. Clearly, efforts to treat opioid addiction need to increase dramatically so that no one has to suffer like Madelyn did.

We hope this obituary and the statistics about the opioid epidemic will encourage those struggling to get help, or at least for people to become more aware of this growing issue. The people who become addicted to opioids are everyday people. They are mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, and friends. They are not criminals. Rather, the system that failed them should be held more accountable for its actions.

14 Behaviors That Strong Women Won’t Tolerate From Their Partners

January 20, 2019 by Power of Positivity

Being in love is a big challenge. You want to give yourself entirely to the other person, including your desire, trust, and loyalty. However, you also want to maintain healthy boundaries. Each time that you run across a behavior in your partner that bothers you, you have an opportunity to communicate about it, ignore it, or end the relationship because it is so disturbing. In this post, we encourage strong women to be more assertive, especially by not tolerating behaviors in their partners that are simply unacceptable.

Never tolerate these actions, regardless of whether such treatment is coming from a man or a woman.

14 Behaviors That Are Deal Breakers for Strong Women

1 – Constant negativity.

When you allow yourself to be the recipient of ongoing negative comments, including shaming, blaming, and putdowns, you can expect there to be an immediate effect on your self-esteem. One strategy that strong women take is to experiment. Write down the positive things and negative things that your partner says during one conversation. If you see a pattern of negative narratives towards you outweighing the positive remarks towards you, this could be a red flag.

2 – Fear.

If you’re made to fear a particular thing will happen if you speak out, then this kind of behavior isn’t acceptable. Living in fear could be real or imagined, but allowing that anxiety to control you definitely affects your mindset. You deserve to be able to wake up each morning and feel positive about the day. If fear is causing anxiety, you may often feel anxious and have trouble keeping up with work and home obligations. You may also begin to doubt your own ability to form relationships.

3 – Narcissism

This kind of personality disorder derives pleasure from making you feel not so great about yourself, especially by being extremely attentive and then withdrawing that attention at his or her will. Then, you are left feeling worse about yourself than you did before you met that person because you are no longer receiving that high level of positive treatment. Giving and withdrawing attention for no reason is its form of passive-aggressive abuse.

4 – Emotional abuse

.Remember, many types of physical and emotional abuse can make you feel bad about yourself. If you are repeatedly exposed to this type of trauma, you could be experiencing the ongoing feelings of anxiety. Your body will frequently feel stressed out with headaches, rapid heart rate, difficulty breathing, and exhaustion due to the lack of sleep. If you are very sensitive, abuse can exert an even more significant effect on your mind and body. Don’t let an abuser keep doing this to you because it will be challenging to maintain a healthy mental balance.

5 – Persistent lack of affection

Everyone needs to feel that they are safe and “belong” to their family members and friends. This is under Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. If you don’t get enough affection and have communicated with your partner often about it, then this relationship may not be right for you.

6 – Domestic violence.

This term refers to “abusive behaviors including a wide range of physical, sexual, and psychological maltreatment used by one person in an intimate relationship against another to gain power unfairly or maintain that person’s misuse of power, control, and authority.” This type of violence coming from someone in your home may cause psychological harm, mal-development, injury, or death.

You could have a partner who claims to love you but believes that it’s okay to physically express anger at you or mistreat you in other similar ways for no apparent reason. You have to recognize your worth as a person and stop allowing abuse. This may require you to remove yourself physically from exposure to domestic violence.

7 – Abandonment

.This can be physical, emotional, or both. When someone breaks off contact, moves away, or lives with you but stops spending time communicating with you, then you can easily feel abandoned. There could also be a lack of attention to your needs, which makes you question whether you did something wrong to deserve such treatment. This happens to children and adults who have formed strong bonds with family members, and then they suddenly change. Often, the behavior results from the person’s own inner struggles, which have nothing to do with you, but it’s hard to see that when you’re tangled up in an emotional nightmare.

8 – Crime.

You could be in a loving relationship, and suddenly, your partner changes. You could either become aware of how this criminal activity is actually reminiscent of past offenses or that this behavior is new. There is a shock that comes with watching your partner get arrested and then having to get him or her out of jail and be supportive throughout the legal proceedings. This could even result in a partner losing work, which forces you to work harder to support the household. While you might be able to survive one episode of criminal activity, a pattern of this behavior could be more than you can handle. Decide whether a partner who’s up to criminal activities should continue living in your home. You have a right to end a relationship if it places you and your other family members at risk.

9 – Drug abuse.

Strong women want to maintain their mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. If they discover that their partners are abusing drugs, then it’s hard to continue in a healthy relationship. While you could take care of yourself and try to ignore the effects of substance abuse, they are hard to escape. You could help your partner find outside help with substance abuse, but this will only work if he or she truly wants to change.

10 – Control.

There are many ways that strong women take control of their lives. This starts by eliminating undue control that their partners exert over them. If you feel that your partner talks down to you, limits your contact with other people, restricts your transportation or work opportunities, or takes you to places that you don’t like (i.e., religious or political activities), then you should definitely question why you’re staying in this relationship.

11 – Financial infidelity.

This includes arguing about money, controlling money, or hiding money that is meant for the two partners to share. If you don’t feel you can trust how your partner spends money, then you can move your money to a separate account and manage that in your own way. Some couples find that their entire relationship works better if they pay their bills out of their separate accounts. This strategy works until one partner stops paying his or her share of the household bills. You should have regular discussions about spending with your partner, so you can agree on how to meet expenses and save for your priorities.

12 – Unavailability.

This person is always busy outside of the home, but he or she used to be home enjoying meals and down-time with you often. You are constantly given explanations by your partner of where he or she is after work and in the evenings. You don’t want to believe that your partner has been sneaky. However, checking up a few times on his or her excuses reveals a pattern of deception. You miss spending time with your partner, but you don’t know how to arrange togetherness time. If you mention these scheduling problems over and over, but nothing changes, ask yourself what you’re getting out of the relationship. There must be some mutual benefits between partners, or it’s really a waste of time.

13 – Lack of economic support.

You may have entered the relationship and decided to cohabitate under a shared monetary arrangement. Then, if you stop receiving support, it could feel like a betrayal. It’s not really about the money. It’s about what the lack of support means. The exception is if you are already independently wealthy and don’t mind this sudden lack of assistance. Another possibility is that the support was recently withdrawn because you somehow failed to comply with an unreasonable request. Strong women don’t let their partners dictate how they live. They seek out people who treat them as equals and maintain mutual respect.

14 – Infidelity.

We live in an age where people have many types of relationships that now permit or even support having sexual intercourse with other partners. Strong women define what they want in a relationship and attract a mate based on that definition. However, if you are in a monogamous relationship and your partner is suddenly cheating on you, then ask yourself whether this behavior is acceptable. You are capable of being alone, and you are also capable of forming romantic attachments to other partners. If your partner can’t be faithful, it could be time to move on.

Final Thoughts on Strong Women and Their Refusal to Accept Less Than the Best From Their Partners

Before you go any further in accepting these types of behaviors and others that don’t “feel” right when you reflect on them, remember that you are a strong woman. You deserve a partner who has your best interests at heart. Just remember the values and behaviors that matter to you. Finally, only stay with a partner who can consistently meet your expectations over time.

10 Signs That Reveal Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

January 19, 2019 by Power of Positivity

We all want to be in positive relationships. No one sets out to date an emotional vampire or an energy thief. But sometimes, you may not notice that something is draining your energy until you’re too tired to think much of it.

Relationships are far from easy, and it isn’t a smooth road by any means. But constantly feeling exhausted isn’t normal, and it’s a big red flag you should pay attention to. Here are some things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy.

10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

1. Everything is about your partner.

Relationships are supposed to be about equality. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Here are some ways this may happen.

a) Conversation

You may feel like your partner is always dominating all the conversation and every single situation. They might speak loudly or cause a scene to draw attention in public, or they may simply talk over you or cut you off.

This can happen whether you’re talking in a group or it’s just the two of you. They seem to think their voice is more important than yours.

b) Constant crisis

Your partner may also seem to be perpetually going through a rough time or be panicking about something, no matter what. They may always be stressed out, and most of the time they’re just making things much bigger than they really are.

Even worse, when you bring up something that is troubling you, they might cut you off and insist that what they are dealing with is worse. For them, everything is a tragedy, as long as it’s happening to them.

c) They’re on your mind

There’s a difference between being so in love your partner is always on your mind and being so worried about your partner and what they’re doing that you can’t stop thinking about them.

If you spend too much time fretting about your partner, they might be draining your energy. If you keep hearing their voice chastising you or can’t stop worrying about what they think of what you’re doing, it may be time to leave.

2. You are walking on eggshells around them.

Relationships are meant to be peaceful. If you’re in a relationship, you should feel relaxed and free, and as though you can share anything with your partner.

If it’s reached the point where you have to constantly watch every move you make, you could be in a relationship that is draining your energy. For example, on a regular basis, you may:

Feel nervous about talking about something because your partner might get angry
Constantly watch everything you do to avoid upsetting your partner
Worry that relying on your partner at all will cause them great distress
Avoid certain subjects for fear of your partner reacting disproportionately or badly
Fear that even the slightest misstep will get you in trouble

This surefire way to show your relationship is draining your energy is what many call eggshell relationships. These relationships are incredibly toxic and are sure to exhaust you. If you’re always walking on eggshells, it may be time to find a new road to walk on.

3. You feel like you’re being controlled.

In a healthy relationship, each person has their own agency and freedom. In a draining and practically emotionally abusive one, you might feel controlled all the time. Your life may feel like it is under a microscope and subject to constant criticism.

If you feel like you need your partner’s permission to do simple things, that’s a sign that you need to break it off. This permission may feel necessary to:

Hang out with friends
Spend your own money
Go out
Try something new
Text or call friends

Your partner may also:

Demand to see your phone
Demand to know who you’re speaking to at all times
Be overly jealous and protective
Get extremely angry over small things

These are sure signs that show your relationship is draining your energy – and it’s abusive. It’s a sign that it’s time to move on.

4. Being around each other feels like a chore.

There’s nothing wrong with some me-time. But for the most part, partners should enjoy being around each other and feel positive when together. If you’re having trouble doing so, it’s a sign that you’re dating someone draining. Here are some things to look out for.

a) You count down the days to me-time.

Does being alone for the weekend put a smile on your face? Do you feel excited looking forward to a day you’ll get away from your partner? This is a huge red flag. Your brain is rejoicing from a break from the person who is emotionally exhausting you. There’s a difference between enjoying me-time and not being able to wait to get away.

b) You need to recover after being together.

If after hanging out with your partner you feel very tired and need to recharge, it’s a sure sign that your relationship is draining your energy. If you usually have no problem living daily life but suddenly need a long breather after seeing your partner, it may be time to move on.

c) Conversations are exhausting.

Talking to your partner should be a positive experience. If your conversations quickly devolve into frustrations, exhaustion, and an inability to stick to positive thinking, your partner is draining you.

5. You’re In A Negative Mood Constantly.

Have you noticed that you’re always in a “meh” mood? Is positive thinking impossible to dredge up? Do you feel like all joy has left your life?

According to research done by a team at Carleton University, relationships that are draining your energy do not necessarily mean you’re always sad, angry, or in an awful mood. What they do typically cause is an absence of happiness or joy, leaving you feeling like you’re having a depressive episode.

Take a moment and reflect on your mental and emotional state. Are you truly as fine as you pretend to be? Or is your partner draining you to the point that they’re sucking out all your positive emotions?

6. You’ve stopped doing anything just for yourself.

A healthy relationship gives all parties the chance to practice self-improvement. This can come in the form of:

Career-building
Making new friends
Taking up new hobbies
Trying new things
Balancing your life

But if your partner is upset when you decide to devote time to your improvement, this is a bad sign and they are draining your energy. This is especially true if your friendships are stifled by a relationship. Studies have shown that socially isolated individuals tend to feel more stressed out and exhausted.

A mature, healthy relationship involves support and advancement from both parties. A draining one stunts your progress – and you deserve better!

7. Your self-esteem is declining.

Feeling good about yourself is important. If you’ve noticed a steep decline in your self-esteem since the beginning of your relationship, you need to take a step back and analyze where it comes from. If it isn’t from depression, anxiety, or some other mental health condition, it might be from your partner.

Emotionally draining partners may criticize you frequently, or take jabs at your insecurities and successes, or even give you backhanded compliments and neg you. These people are highly insecure and do these things to lift themselves up.

In a good relationship, you will raise each other up and support each other. Constant criticism and judgment are not healthy in any kind of relationship.

8. There is constant fighting (and you tend to take the blame).

Fighting is a normal part of relationships, but if every day is dominated by arguments, something is wrong. Fights and arguments are incredibly draining to begin with, so dealing with them often is sure to take a toll on your health.

If your partner tends to instigate arguments and ignores your attempts to de-escalate the situation, they are draining you emotionally. This is especially true if you feel that there is no point in you trying to argue because nothing you say will get through to them.

On top of that, if you always seem to be the “bad guy” who is to blame in arguments, your partner may be trying to shift blame away from themselves and project their issues onto you. According to Ph.D.-holder Lisa Firestone, this is a very good reason to end a relationship.

9. You feel you aren’t listened to and your needs are ignored.

The whole point of partners is to be there for each other, to listen to each other, and to meet each other’s needs when possible and reasonable. If your partner always seems to turn a deaf ear to what you say, that’s a sign your relationship could be draining your energy.

When you talk about your day, your partner is occupied by their phone. Or when you tell them about your problems or worries, you are dismissed and invalidated. When you ask them to fulfill your needs, they say it’s too hard – even when they’re very simple needs to meet.

Feeling lonely and alone, and feeling unheard, are very tiring experiences, especially if you’re pouring your heart out and receiving a terrible response each time. If communication doesn’t improve, it may be time to get up and go.

10. You feel exhausted.

Sometimes, the easiest way to tell if your relationship is draining your energy is to see if you’re exhausted all the time. Feeling constantly unusually tired, especially around your partner, is never a good sign.

If you invest so much love and effort into your partner and they return none of it, you’re going to become drained. When your days are filled with disagreements, you’re going to be tired. If trying to take time for yourself to recharge isn’t allowed, you can’t regain your energy.

Be aware of your energy levels and emotional state. If negative periods are linked to time with your partner and positive periods are linked to time away from them, the problem lies in your relationship.

Final Thoughts On Things That Happen That Show Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy

If you find that some of these points apply to you, does it mean the relationship must end? Not necessarily. Sometimes, bringing up these issues to your partner and working them out will make your relationship stronger and fix these problems.

But if your relationship includes many of these 10 things that happen that show your relationship is draining your energy, and your partner isn’t interested in changing them, it’s time to let go and move on. You deserve better than an energy vampire!

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