10 Phrases to Remember When Someone Is Unkind to You

March 16, 2023 by Sarah Barkley

Dealing with an unkind person is never enjoyable, and the good news is that you don’t have to put up with it. Whether it’s a rude co-worker, boss, friend, family member, or stranger, you can stand up for yourself.

People are unkind for different reasons and in various situations. They don’t always know they’re being rude, but sometimes they’re inconsiderate and unkind purposefully.

Even your closest friends and family might be unkind to you sometimes. Close co-workers can also upset you, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship later. It happens, even when you go out of your way to be kind to them, but you don’t have to let it continue.

You can say things to people who are rude to you without fueling the situation. Being kind is essential because it always wins.

What Not to Do When Dealing with an Unkind Person

Responding with an equally unkind response won’t make you feel better. Instead, it often worsens the negativity and hinders your ability to end the behavior.

Being nasty in return creates a vicious cycle where the person is unkind, you return the treatment, and the pattern continues. This situation leaves emotional scars and can permanently affect both of you.

You might also consider avoiding the person who behaves this way toward you. However, avoidance isn’t effective or practical because it leads to anxiety for you and doesn’t remedy the situation. You can’t always avoid someone and shouldn’t have to dread each encounter.

Ignoring the behavior also won’t help, even if it does seem better than speaking up. When you let it slide, the unkind person thinks it’s okay to treat you that way, and they won’t stop. It’ll leave you experiencing the situation repeatedly when you could put an end to it.

Instead, experts indicate that you can control your response when someone is nasty to you. You can’t control how they behave, but you can always control how you react. You can use the following phrases when someone is unkind, helping you feel better and stand up for yourself without worsening the situation.

How to React When Someone is Unkind

It’s essential to discuss how to behave before detailing the phrases you should remember. The words won’t be as effective if your body language or physical response doesn’t match.

Practice Compassion, Even When Others Are Unkind

Rather than letting the nasty behavior continue or returning the behavior, you can practice compassion. The situation hurts you, and being compassionate with yourself is essential. You can also show compassion for the person being mean because it’s an effective response and can stop the behavior.

Prioritize Your Emotions

It can hurt and make you feel bad when people mistreat you or say nasty things. Whether you want to or not, you might subconsciously care what that person thinks of you.

Consider your feelings before responding, accept your emotions, and be mindful of how you vocalize them. Doing this requires you to deal with the unpleasant feelings long enough to acknowledge, recognize, and grasp your emotions.

Recognize Mean or Unkind People for Who They Are

Unkind people are often insecure, hurt, or scared for some reason. They behave in nasty ways to hide their feelings and make them feel powerful. It doesn’t excuse their behavior but it helps you understand their mindset and behavior.

Don’t Take It Personally

This tip is sometimes difficult but can help you get through the situation. Usually, an unkind person isn’t strategizing to ruin your day.

They’re struggling internally and are likely treating others the same way. It’s not a reflection of you, even if it’s upsetting.

Stay Calm and Stay Kind

It’ll help if you remember to stay calm before responding when someone is mean to you. Staying calm can help you handle the situation without making yourself feel worse. You might want to react in anger, but taking a deep breath and remembering that you can control how your reaction can make a difference.

Take Back Your Power

You don’t have to understand why they treat you that way to express your concern. The situation could trigger negative feelings, but you don’t have to give in. You can stand up for yourself and regain power by staying positive.

Phrases to Remember When Someone Is Unkind

When someone is unkind to you, remember to use these phrases. They’ll help end the behavior and help you set boundaries that protect you.

1 – Your mean behavior has gone too far, and I won’t tolerate it anymore.

This phrase allows you to set boundaries for how you expect to get treated. It helps you honor your self-worth and integrity while ensuring respectful treatment from others.

Once you use this phrase, follow through by removing yourself or asking the other person to leave when they mistreat you. If you don’t follow through, they won’t stop the behavior, and you will feel frustrated by a cycle of nasty treatment.

2 – That offended me, and I wonder if you meant it that way.

Maybe a rude remark wasn’t meant to sound that way. Asking for clarification can help the other person explain what they intended. Or, it could help them recognize that you aren’t okay with rude comments.

Either way, this question can help you address an unkindness. If the person didn’t mean to offend you, they’d apologize. Otherwise, you’ll know what they meant and have a chance to tell them that it’s inappropriate.

3 – You must be going through something, so I’m not going to take your words to heart.

This comment gets your point across while still allowing you to be nice. They’ll likely start being nicer if you express kindness and explain that you don’t take the behavior personally. It can help them recognize their inappropriate behavior while highlighting your kind behavior.

4 – I hear you, but I’m not okay with how unkind you’re being.

This phrase can help you when speaking with an upset friend, family member, or partner. They might sound rude or mean when upset and trying to explain their feelings. This phrase lets them know you’re listening but can’t get past their mistreatment.

It gives them a chance to take a deep breath, calm down, and continue the conversation. Or, it can help them see that they need to take some time alone before discussing the situation. Your phrase can help de-escalate the situation without sabotaging the relationship or causing irreparable damage.

5 – I’m sensitive to behavior like this.

Some people can’t seem to grasp that they’re being hurtful. Telling them that you’re sensitive to their behavior can help, especially if you have to see the person regularly. It’s best to be straightforward with them about how it makes you feel.

This phrase might make them recognize that they should refrain from making unwarranted comments to you. Even if it doesn’t fix the issue long-term, it can help you get through each situation with them.

6 – I’d like to continue this conversation when you’re calmer.

There’s nothing wrong with stopping a conversation when someone is being hurtful. When you tell the person you’ll continue when they’re calmer, they’ll recognize that their behavior is an issue. It also makes it clear that you won’t tolerate that treatment but have enough respect to offer another chance.

7 – Maybe you didn’t realize how hurtful your words were.

Sometimes people say or do things without realizing that it hurts them. This phrase can help them recognize that changing their behavior could help them in other relationships.

8 – I’m sorry for whatever has upset you so much.

Research shows that attempting empathy can help improve the moods of everyone around. It’ll help you feel better and can help the person being unkind, potentially shifting their behavior.

Even if it doesn’t help them, you’ll still benefit and can ward off negative feelings regarding the situation. This phrase is helpful when dealing with strangers because you don’t have to continue dealing with them afterward.

9 – I think we can discuss this more respectfully.

This phrase is helpful when you want to maintain a healthy relationship with the other person. Use it with friends, family members, or co-workers if things get heated. It prevents you from saying something hurtful in return and can help them recognize that they’re crossing a line into rude.

10 – You’re being unkind, and I need you to stop.

Shutting down someone’s behavior is sometimes your only option. If they’ve gone too far, don’t be afraid to say stop.

Be clear about the issue and stand up for yourself no matter who you’re talking to. You don’t have to let people mistreat you.

Final Thoughts on Phrases to Remember When Someone Is Unkind to You

You can’t always avoid unkind people, and you might experience mean behavior from those closest to you. These phrases can help you end the mistreatment and clarify what you expect from the people in your life. They can also help you boost positivity in yourself and those around you.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable. You don’t have to deal with unkind behavior, and you can experience results as soon as you speak up. If someone isn’t okay with you speaking up, you may want to reevaluate that relationship.

Set healthy boundaries, speak up for yourself, and stay kind. It’ll help you feel better and limit unkind or rude behavior from others.

9 Reasons Why Most Men Are Afraid of Love

March 15, 2023 by Sarah Barkley

Everyone is afraid of love in some way, and most people have specific personal reasons for the fear. Fear of commitment can lead to self-sabotaging relationships you’re happy in and lead to being alone. Sometimes it leads to inadvertently recreating negative aspects of the past when reacting to philophobia, or the fear of love.

Many men are afraid of love and will continually follow the same detrimental patterns if they don’t work on the issues. However, if he’s working on what holds him back and wants to do better, it’s a sign that he’ll open up to love. He still might be insecure or afraid, but he’ll be more likely to embrace the experience and face his fears.

You might notice that you’re giving your all while your partner seems to be holding back. It can be confusing and indicate that he’s afraid. You might feel like you’re wasting your time, but it could work out how you want if he’s actively trying to change.

You’ll have to decide if the relationship is worth your time and effort as he works through the issues. It’ll likely depend on how deep his fear is and the details of the reasons for being afraid.

Nine Reasons Why Most Men Are Afraid of Love

NOTE: Everyone is likely afraid of love in some way, although the fears will show differently and result from different experiences. Recognizing why most men become scared of love can help you understand your partner or identify some aspects of yourself. You (or your partner) can’t fix the situation until it’s identified, so don’t ignore these indications. If you want to know why a woman might fear love, we cover them in a separate article.

1 – Some Men Are Afraid of Love Because They Think It’s Hard

Men sometimes assume love is hard and it’ll take too much work. While a healthy relationship does take effort, it’s not the extra chore that some men seem to think it is.

However, when they think something will be too much work, they’ll avoid it unless necessary. Once they release the fear and give in, they’ll find that this kind of work is different because it’s not something they dread engaging in.

2 – Having a Traumatic Childhood

The emotional trauma experienced in childhood can interfere with your romantic relationships. Studies show that childhood mistreatment can contribute to adult attachment style.

Adults often experience anxiety or avoidance attachment after experiencing childhood trauma. They also are more likely to have depression and low self-esteem.

A man’s childhood trauma can cause philophobia, making him afraid to risk the pain of being left behind. It can also cause him not to know how to love, leading to avoiding it or being afraid to try.

3 – It Brings Back Reminders of Past Hurt

If a man has experience pain in the past, he might be afraid of love now. His history, starting from childhood and continuing into dating during adulthood, can impact his emotional availability.

If he got hurt by someone in the past, he might believe it’ll happen again and linger into his current romantic relationship. It can make it hard for him to perceive your relationship with him, causing him to be wary of opening up to you.

Past hurt can make him afraid to commit because it reminds him of old feelings, including pain, anger, rejection, and loss. If he longed for love in the past, it comes with a reminder of pain.

While we’ve all experienced emotional pain, some heal faster than others. Sometimes the trauma will continue affecting someone into adulthood, and they’ll never let go of the fear that they’ll get hurt.

A man who has gotten hurt in the past may not want to talk about what he went through. However, if he wants to talk, listen without judgment, or he won’t do it again. You can’t fix him, but you can listen to him when he works through his past.

No matter what happens, remember that it’s not your job to fix his past. You can be kind and supportive without inserting yourself in a way that allows it to affect you negatively.

4 – Some Men Are Afraid of Love Because They Think They Won’t Be Good Enough

Society makes it seem like men are required to succeed in everything they do. They must show power and make money and will feel like they don’t measure up if they don’t do these things.

This stigma can make men feel they can never do enough for their partner. Even when they provide for their family, they might find another reason to believe they aren’t good enough.

Some men feel they need to be perfect in everything they do, and their upbringing can contribute to that feeling. Their parents might have expected them to get all A’s, be the best in sports, and act as the man of the house in some cases. It can exacerbate their feeling that they must measure up to unattainable standards.

If someone feels this way, it can cause a fear of love because they won’t believe they can give their partner what they want or need. These feelings will worsen the more he likes someone, making him feel like he’ll fail despite his best efforts. Sometimes he’ll give up without giving the relationship a fair chance.

5 – Creates Vulnerability

A new loving relationship creates vulnerability because of the unknown. It involves taking a risk and putting trust in another person. The experience allows the other person to affect and change a man, potentially making him afraid to love.

When a man feels this way, he may feel like his defenses get challenged as he starts to care more. When he cares more, he can get hurt, and it’s often the biggest fear.

However, sometimes a man fears love simply because he doesn’t know how to be vulnerable. When he doesn’t know how to do this, he may not know how to let you past his tough exterior.

Being in a loving relationship also requires being open with one another and sharing the good and bad. If your partner can’t engage in this behavior, it could show he’s afraid to fall in love and let you in.

If you think your man is worth it, be patient because it can take time to open up. It requires identifying fears and overcoming them to allow vulnerability to seep in.

6 – Striving for Impossible Perfection

A man might have the perfect idea of love and be unwilling to release unrealistic ideals. No one is perfect, and every romance has difficulty, but it’s sometimes hard for them to look past it.

If he doesn’t let go of his idea of impossible perfection, it’ll make him afraid of love. Until a man realizes that love comes with hard times, he won’t be able to give himself to anyone.

7 – Some Are Afraid of Love Because it Takes Time

Some men think that giving themselves to someone requires time they don’t have. If a man has time for anything but you, it shows he’s afraid of falling in love. He’ll always have an excuse about why he can’t spend time with you, and he may even call off the relationship due to not having time.

When time is the most significant factor for avoiding a long-term relationship, it shows that he’s afraid to give himself to his partner. You can talk to your partner about their claim to have no time. However, you won’t get through to them until they want to invest their time and energy into the relationship.

8 – It’s Unequal

Love is often unequal, and men recognize the issue. They might think their partner likes them too much or get too invested because they care more than their partner. It can cause them to return from the relationship regardless of their feelings.

Feeling inequality in a relationship can become a convenient excuse that allows them to protect their feelings. They don’t want to get rejected, so they’ll push you away if they sense inequality.

9 – It Changes Their Other Relationships

Falling in love often changes relationships with friends and family. It sometimes requires breaking free from family finances and daily tasks.

Falling in love requires building a life with your partner, and men are sometimes afraid to let go of what they had before. They must view themselves separately from their family dynamic to build a life with their partner.

Sometimes a man is afraid of this aspect, although it doesn’t mean cutting ties with their family. They can still see them and make memories, but it involves building a separate life.

A man also might be afraid that falling in love will disrupt his friendships and require him to let go of his routine. If he freely spends time with friends, he might be reluctant to let go of the individuality that allows him to do so whenever he wants. When a man thinks this way, he might be afraid of love because it changes the other relationships he cherishes.

Final Thoughts on Why Most Men Are Afraid of Love

Some people are afraid of love, although it’s a part of life that affects everyone. Even if you aren’t looking for love, romance often plays a role.

While you may not understand why you or your partner are afraid of love, some reasons can affect the relationship. Recognizing these reasons can help you overcome the issues and embrace love when it comes your way.

12 Reasons Why Most Women Fear Love

March 15, 2023 by Sarah Barkley

The thought of committing to another person can be complex, especially if one of you fears love. There are many reasons someone might experience a fear of love (or philophobia), and understanding why can help with moving forward.

This fear is common, but you shouldn’t allow it to prevent you from finding love. It can negatively impact your connections, making developing meaningful bonds with others hard. Your fear can also lead to insecurities about yourself and your relationship.

Determining underlying reasons for fearing love can help you address the issues and work toward healing. It’ll help you (or your partner) grow and develop into a better person capable of engaging in a loving relationship.

Philophobia

If you or your partner fears love, it’s called philophobia. It’s an intense experience that prevents someone from forming or maintaining loving romances.

Many people keep this concern to themselves, so it’s hard to know how common it is. It is a protective response meant to prevent emotional pain or heartache. Philophobia often stems from insecurities and trauma. But the cause philophobia differs for everyone.

NOTE: If you want to know why men sometimes fear falling in love, you can find a separate article discussing male behaviors.

Twelve Reasons Why Most Women Fear Love

Everyone is different, so if you fear love, it could stem from many reasons. Some of the possibilities include the following:

1 – Some Fear Love Because of Their Family History

If you saw a parent or other family member fear love, you’re more likely to experience it yourself. Your fear might start as a subconscious aversion or you’re aware of the feeling. Either way, you’ll likely exhibit the same fears as those you were close to growing up.

Additionally, seeing others in bad relationships can make them want to avoid love to protect themselves from the same experience. Their family history can make them believe that their romances can’t be different than what they witnessed. They might struggle with trusting someone enough to experience a long-lasting relationship.

2 – Opening Up Makes Them Vulnerable

Falling in love makes you vulnerable, and some women are afraid to open up in this way. Healthy relationships require honesty, and keeping secrets can disrupt trust levels.

Since some women want to hide some aspects of themselves, it prevents their partner from getting to know them on a deeper level. They’d rather avoid vulnerability than embrace love.

3 – Some Fear Love Because It Requires Change

If a woman doesn’t want her life to change, she might be afraid to fall in love. The changes can make her feel like she’s losing herself and the things she prioritized before.

Being in a long-term relationship often results in shifting interests, leading to engaging in hobbies your partner enjoys. It can be scary to accept these changes, even when they can bring happiness and love.

You might also spend less time with your friends and family when you get into a long-term relationship. Some women believe they’ll lose people they care about, but that doesn’t have to be the case.

If you’re in this situation, you don’t have to let go of everything you love. However, taking on new hobbies and interests that you can share with your partner can be enjoyable. There’s nothing wrong with doing a little of both, allowing you to release your fear of love.

4 – They’ve Had Bad Experiences

Women who have been in complex relationships might fear love. Experiencing infidelity, divorce, abuse, abandonment, or any other detrimental situation can make overcoming negative thoughts and feelings hard. Being heartbroken can create fears as a protection method, and finding a coping technique is essential to healing.

5 – They Don’t Think They’re Good Enough

If a woman doesn’t think she’s good enough, she’ll be scared of love. She might convince herself that no one will accept her flaws, especially someone she cares about deeply. Her partner can even reassure her she’s beautiful, intelligent, or any other positive compliment, and she’ll still fear love.

If you’re a woman who struggles with thinking you’re not good enough, focusing on self-love can make a difference. It can boost your self-esteem and help you recognize how great you are.

6 – They Might Be Afraid of Commitment

A woman afraid of committing to someone will have deep feelings but resist the relationship. Instead, she’ll focus on the negative aspects of the romance to convince herself that she doesn’t need or want it. When she realizes she’s falling for someone, she’ll do what she can to distance herself from having a loving relationship.

7 – No One Measures Up

If a woman has an idea of finding the perfect partner, they’ll be afraid to feel deeply for anyone. No one is perfect, so if you are like this, you’ll always be able to identify flaws in someone. Waiting for perfection can leave you lonely and cause you to resist good relationships when they come your way.

8 – Some Fear Love Because They’re Afraid It Won’t Last

You can never guarantee that a relationship will last forever. If a woman worries about it, she might avoid falling in love so she won’t have to go through a breakup later. Many women think they can’t handle another heartbreak or go through the motions of a relationship that might not last.

This fear can stop you from finding someone who fits into your life and loves you. It can also lead to pushing away people you care about.

If you’ve experienced heartbreak, you must focus on healing to move forward. Otherwise, you’ll continue to fear love and miss experiences to enjoy romance.

9 – They Worry About Judgement

Some cultures have strict guidelines on who a person should marry or fall in love with, and it can make the process scary. Likewise, family dynamics can cause a woman to worry about introducing her partner to those closest to her. If she’s worried about how other people will react, she might hold herself back and fear love.

Remembering that the people who genuinely care about you will respect whoever you choose to be with can help ease your fear. If you’re in this situation, you can also feel better knowing that you and your partner are the only people who must be happy with your love life.

10 – They Might Not Get the Same in Return

Sometimes the fear of unequal love can make a woman avoid the experience. Your partner can love you but not as much as you love them, and vice versa. When you’re the one who loves more, it can be painful to realize that you’d do more for your partner than they would for you.

11 – Not Knowing What They Want

When a woman doesn’t know what she wants, she might be afraid to fall in love. She might waver from wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to maintain her single living. It’s a significant change, and some women are afraid to go for it.

It’s best to take your time when deciding if you want to spend your life with someone. However, don’t resist the opportunity for love because you don’t have to make any other decisions immediately.

You can love someone without changing your living situation or routine as you decide how to handle the next steps. Be honest with yourself during the process to remain comfortable moving forward and embracing love.

12 – Wanting Someone to Chase Them

Some women are scared to fall in love because they enjoy having someone chase them. The excitement of a new romance is magical, and it eventually wears off and the philophobia emerges.

Fearing the loss of this excitement can lead to some women keeping their partner at a distance so that it always seems fresh. They worry about how falling in love will change things, and it’s not something they’re eager to find out.

Should You Remain in a Relationship If She Fears Love?

If you’re with someone who fears love, there’s a chance they’ll embrace self-improvement and overcome the issue. However, if you still feel alone with them, it might not be the right relationship for you. Your partner should make you feel comfortable and be your safe space, not the one causing heartache or stress.

What to Do if You Fear Love

If you’re afraid to fall in love, there are ways to overcome philophobia. Start by determining why you’re scared, being honest with yourself, and opening your mind to underlying problems.

Focus on communicating your concerns with your partner. Coming up with a solution together can help you release your fear as you realize they support you.

You should also work on self-improvement and learn how to shift your thoughts. Seeking professional help is beneficial because a therapist can help you think differently than you would otherwise. They can also offer insight without bias, helping you understand your situation better.

Final Thoughts on Reasons Why Most Women Fear Love

While romance is a beautiful experience, it’s common for women to fear love. Their reasons may vary, but it all comes down to trying to protect herself.

Finding ways to heal from past pain and overcome your philophobia can make a difference in this situation. It’ll allow you to embrace love and spend time with someone you enjoy and care about.

You deserve happiness and love, and you can make it happen. Being scared is okay, but don’t let it hold you back or push away someone who loves you.

7 Things That Cause Kidney Stones (And How to Prevent Them)

March 15, 2023 by Kristen Lawrence

Did you know that around 10% of people in the US will suffer from kidney stones during their lifetime? In some countries, such as Saudi Arabia, as much as 20% of the population experiences kidney stones. Scientists believe this painful condition’s increasing incidence and prevalence is due to poor water intake, unhealthy eating habits, and rising global temperatures. As the planet warms, more people are at risk of dehydration and heat strokes, increasing the likelihood of kidney disease.

Kidney stones occur when the minerals and salt content in the kidneys begin to harden and crystallize. Usually, this happens due to a combination of factors, such as dehydration, excessive salt consumption, or consuming high amounts of protein. As the materials harden, they transform into stones in the kidneys. Then, the stones travel from the kidneys to the bladder and urinary tract, often getting stuck in the ureter. This can cause severe pain in the sides, back, abdomen, and groin.

Kidney stones can range in size from a chickpea to a golf ball and may require medical intervention. Usually, smaller formations pass with no problem, but larger stones typically need surgery for proper removal. While this condition may seem scary, you can utilize preventative measures to avoid kidney diseases. Read on to find out what causes this notoriously painful condition and how you can lower your risk of developing it.

7 Common Causes of Kidney Stones

1. Not drinking enough water.

One of the leading causes of kidney stones is dehydration since your kidneys need water to filter out toxins. When your kidneys don’t receive enough water, it causes calcium and other minerals to accumulate. These materials can cause the formation of hard deposits in concentrated urine and clog the kidneys with muscle proteins (myoglobin). Inadequate water intake may also lead to urinary tract infections because of waste buildup.

2. A diet high in animal protein.

Studies have found that consuming large amounts of animal protein, such as red meat, poultry, eggs, and seafood, could contribute to kidney stone formation. These foods cause an increase in uric acid levels, which is produced when the body metabolizes protein. If you have too much acid in the urine, it can cause tiny crystals to form.

Also, animal proteins reduce urinary citrate, a compound that helps prevent kidney disease. Finally, animal products increase the urinary excretion of oxalate, which interacts with calcium to form hard deposits in the kidneys.

3. Consuming too much salt.

Also, eating a high-sodium diet increases your risk of kidney stones because it boosts calcium levels in the urine. According to the National Kidney Foundation, sodium and calcium travel the same pathway in the kidneys, so eating high-sodium foods causes more calcium to leak into urine. Therefore, this increases the risk of kidney disease and stone formation.

4. Having a high sugar intake.

Studies show that dietary fructose and sucrose, often added to packaged and processed foods, may lead to kidney stones. This occurs because fructose alters urinary metabolism and pH and affects oxalate levels. Also, people with metabolic syndrome or those suffering from heat stroke have a higher risk of developing kidney stones when consuming fructose.

5. Exercising too much or too little.

While it’s necessary to exercise to maintain health, overdoing it may lead to conditions like kidney stones. Losing water through sweating leads to lower urine output and dehydration, which causes stone-forming minerals to settle in the urinary tract. However, exercising too little can have the same effect for different reasons. A sedentary lifestyle can increase the risk of metabolic disorders like obesity and diabetes linked to kidney disease.

6. Having a family history of kidney disease.

Genetics also contributes significantly to the likelihood of kidney disease, as studies show that 35-65% of people with kidney stones have a family history.

7. Obesity, diabetes, and other metabolic disorders.

As we said above, having certain health conditions like obesity, diabetes, and heart disease increase the risk of kidney disease. Research shows that kidney stones disproportionately affect people with metabolic syndrome, likely due to increased inflammation and tissue damage. However, more research is necessary to confirm these findings.

Four Ways to Prevent Kidney Stones

According to the National Kidney Foundation, you can prevent kidney stone formation by:

Increasing your water intake. Drinking enough fluids helps your kidneys filter out waste products and minerals like calcium more efficiently. They recommend drinking at least 12 glasses of water daily and even more during heavy exertion or hot weather. Avoid sugary beverages like soda and caffeinated drinks such as coffee, as these can cause dehydration.
Eating a healthy, balanced diet. Generally, it’s best to eat a diet rich in vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, grains, and legumes. Also, limit or avoid excessive salt, sugar, and animal proteins, as these can alter your electrolyte balance and contribute to kidney stones.
Exercising daily and ensuring you’re staying hydrated. Exercise can prevent numerous diseases and ensure your bones and muscles remain strong. Try to engage in moderate-to-vigorous activity at least three times per week for 30 minutes. A combination of weight lifting and cardio will help your kidneys function optimally and improve overall health. Also, it’s essential to walk daily for at least 30 minutes for heart health.
Feel free to eat calcium. While calcium oxalate stones are the most common type of kidney stone, they’re not caused by eating calcium. Instead, they occur from eating excessive salt and not drinking enough water. People with the lowest dietary calcium intake have a higher risk of developing kidney stones because it increases urinary calcium and oxalate.

Final Thoughts on Causes of Kidney Stones (and How to Prevent Them)

If you’ve ever had a kidney stone, you know how painful and debilitating it can be. Research shows that more people suffer from them due to sedentary lifestyles, poor dietary habits, and global warming. However, you can easily prevent them by making lifestyle changes such as eating more fresh foods, exercising often, and lowering your salt intake.

Do You Feel Like People Don’t Respect You? Here’s Why, According to Science

March 7, 2023 by Kristen Lawrence

Everyone naturally wants respect, but people often only give it if it’s earned. They must get to know you and understand your intentions before offering their admiration and loyalty. Of course, every human deserves kindness and compassion regardless of their status or background. But it’s easier for people to be respectful when they know you have their best interests at heart.

Respect goes both ways, so you must first show others basic decency and humanity. If you genuinely care about others’ well-being, they will naturally reciprocate the gesture most of the time. If you feel people don’t respect you, it may help to analyze your behaviors and demeanor. Introspection can allow you to identify unwanted thought patterns and actions that may aggravate people.

However, it’s worth noting that you can’t please everyone, so don’t judge yourself too harshly. Sometimes, people may not respect you simply because they have a negative outlook on life. Therefore, they see the world through grey-colored glasses and have issues with everyone, including themselves.

That said, you can still get on people’s good side and spread love wherever possible. Being generous and empathetic will help you deepen your personal and professional relationships. So, to earn people’s respect, try to avoid the following detrimental behaviors.

Here’s Why People Don’t Respect You

1. You’re a people pleaser.

If you want to please everyone and bend over backward to meet their demands, you will feel empty inside. Offering so much energy to others while leaving none for yourself only sets you up for disappointment. And people won’t respect you if they know you’ll do anything they ask without hesitation. Sadly, opportunists often take advantage of the nicest, most charitable people looking for an easy target.

That doesn’t mean you should shut yourself off from the world and become indifferent to people’s suffering. However, if you always put others first and try not to ruffle feathers, you’ll have nothing left to give. People may also perceive you as disingenuous if you constantly bend to their will without offering your opinions. They’ll respect you more if you consider their approach and give your input.

2. People may not respect you if you lack boundaries.

If you don’t set boundaries with people, it shows them that you don’t value yourself. If it means gaining their friendship or attention, you’ll allow them to walk over you. But a relationship built on disrespect and desperation cannot last forever. Eventually, you’ll feel resentful and wish you had set firmer boundaries from the start.

Often, not setting boundaries in relationships stems from insecurity and codependent tendencies. You may long for someone’s affection and validation so much that you compromise your dignity. In this vulnerable state, you might overlook clear signs of abuse from others because you fear a confrontation about their behavior. But if you have no self-worth, others will learn that mistreating you is okay.

So, if you’re unsatisfied with your relationships, look at how you see yourself first. Others are a mirror reflecting our inner world and can offer valuable insight into our state of consciousness.

3. They’re entitled and self-centered–not respectful of others.

Sometimes, a lack of respect has nothing to do with your personality or how you approach people. In some cases, others’ toxic viewpoints and behaviors make them incapable of fostering healthy relationships. They may harbor resentment because of past adverse experiences or relationships, making them mistrust others. Or, they might have a superiority complex and feel that others don’t deserve their respect.

So, if someone doesn’t see your value, know that you’re not always to blame. Some people have egotistical personalities and cannot see beyond their limited ideas about the world. People like this typically have issues with everyone because of their entitled, uncaring attitude.

They may not even respond to unconditional love or kindness because they don’t value themselves enough to receive it. Or, perhaps, they’ve endured traumatic experiences that made them distant and aloof around others. Either way, you can still offer people compassion without taking it personally when they can’t return the sentiment.

4. You never stand up for yourself.

Another reason people may not be respectful is because of how you carry yourself. They won’t take you seriously if you always compromise your values or allow people to interrupt you in conversations. It’s essential to remain firm but polite when dealing with people so they don’t take advantage of your kindness. Also, most people value authenticity and honesty, even if they don’t always agree with your views. They will learn to respect you when they know you won’t budge on essential issues.

5. They don’t know you well enough yet.

As we said in the beginning, respect is earned and not given. Therefore, people may only show loyalty and admiration for you once they know you better. That doesn’t mean you should tolerate blatant disrespect and cruelty, however. But you also shouldn’t expect someone to immediately offer their friendship if they don’t know your intentions.

For example, if you’re a new manager at a restaurant, your employees may be reluctant to follow your orders at first. They need time to warm up to you and also want to see if you’ll treat them fairly. After they’ve worked with you for a while and know you’re trustworthy, they will appreciate your leadership abilities and be more respectful.

Final Thoughts on Reasons People Don’t Respect You

Do you feel people don’t respect you at work or in your relationships? If so, please keep hope that you’ll eventually earn their affection. It simply takes time for most people to have faith in others until they know them more deeply. After all, you wouldn’t expect employees to defer to your authority as a new manager entirely.

They would need to work with you for a while to gauge your competence and agreeableness with others. But they should offer basic respect, regardless of your background or other factors. If people don’t respect you even after getting to know you, you may need to set firmer boundaries.

Also, speak your truth respectfully so that people know where you stand. This shows them you won’t back down even in the face of strong opposition. Finally, if you treat others kindly, they will most likely return the favor and be respectful of you.

Psychology Explains the Two Types of Pessimism (And How to Avoid It)

March 7, 2023 by Lakeisha Ethans

Everyone knows what pessimism is, but most people don’t research much more into it and likely don’t know what defensive pessimism is. They know the basic definition and that this mindset is usually frowned upon. But that’s where all the knowledge usually ends. Most people can go through life without ever knowing more. But, if you are pessimistic, it might be helpful to extend your knowledge a little bit.

Pessimism is a complex psychological phenomenon that can be separated into two types. These types are dispositional and defensive pessimism. And most people will experience both of these throughout their life. There are many reasons why people cannot have the best outlook on life at all times. And, contrary to popular opinion, there’s nothing wrong with being a little pessimistic from time to time.

Everyone always goes on about how people should be optimists or realists. But they don’t realize that people don’t randomly wake up and decide it’d be nice to be pessimistic. It’s not fun to always have a negative mindset, and people usually try their hardest to see the good in things. But, for many reasons, that’s not always possible.

And this is especially true when it comes to defensive pessimism. Things can get even harder to handle if you struggle with dispositional pessimism. But there are ways to cope and learn to have a new mindset. And the first step towards that is understanding what the two types of pessimism look like.

Why are People Pessimistic?

Logically speaking, there’s no reason anyone would ever be a pessimist. But people aren’t rational beings. Sure, we are intelligent, and we make many decisions using logic. But that doesn’t mean your emotions aren’t usually the ones who decide for you. Emotions often overpower every ounce of the reason people have. And this is true when it comes to your mindset. If we were to decide on everything logically, we would all be realists. But, if you look at the people around you, you can easily see that’s not the case.

For example, many people are optimists, or at least they strive to be. That’s not because of some rational reason. It’s because people believe optimism will improve their life. So, people are optimists because they hope things will get better. They don’t know that’ll be the case; they choose to believe that a positive mindset will always help out. Sure, psychology shows that there are some benefits to being optimistic. But those benefits only apply if you know how to dose your optimism.

If you are always optimistic, it can come back to bite. You risk creating false expectations that will never be met, thus setting yourself up for failure. That being said, it’s evident that always having a pessimistic outlook is not desirable. Still, some people do it. Maybe they aren’t always pessimistic, though some people are like that. But emotions render people unable to control pessimism. Even if all you want from a logical perspective is to change that outlook, you can’t always do it.

Is Pessimism a Personality Trait or a Conscious Choice

So, pessimism isn’t a conscious choice. But that doesn’t mean pessimism is something to be ashamed of. It’s a personality trait, just like being shy is a trait that people can’t fully control. But, given that it’s a trait, you can work towards changing it. That doesn’t mean it’s an easy feat, mainly since this mindset is usually associated with mental health issues.

Pessimism is not a mental health issue in and of itself. But it’s a mindset that often stems from struggling with issues such as depression and anxiety. Having a positive outlook on life can be nearly impossible when dealing with stuff like that. So besides mental health issues being a cause of pessimism, there are a few other causes. First, of course, genetics factor in quite a bit.

Some people are naturally predisposed to negativity. But, as you might know, genetics are easily overwritten by environmental factors. So, if you are born pessimistic, it can be quite easy to grow out of it. But, it can get tricky when your environment is why you developed a pessimistic mindset. For example, having bad family dynamics can make even the most positive person reach the other end of the spectrum.

If your parents were abusive or toxic, it’s easy to grow up believing nothing can ever go right. The same goes for other traumatic experiences, such as having an abusive partner or a toxic work environment. The worse someone experiences, the more likely they are to become pessimists.

The Two Types of Pessimism

1. Defensive Pessimism

Defensive pessimism is the most common type. If you are a defensive pessimist, that doesn’t mean you are always negative. Instead, it means you are the type of person who prepares themselves for the worst outcome. The pessimism lies in the fact that you still expect things to go wrong, but you are doing it to prepare yourself for it. Psychologists call this type of pessimism the productive one.

That’s because defensive pessimism can be used to ensure that things turn out well. This is a more realistic type of negativity, as it doesn’t involve blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. Instead, it’s more about acknowledging that things could take an unfortunate turn. Sure, the general mindset is still a negative one. So don’t get too excited thinking you can get away with defensive pessimism. It’s still not something you can healthily sustain.

That being said, how can defensive pessimism be beneficial? Well, as mentioned, it’s a way to prepare for the worst outcome. That means you analyze a situation and determine what could go wrong. For example, say your company needs to lay off some employees. Maybe you aren’t at any risk of being fired.

An optimist wouldn’t even break a sweat thinking about the possibility of job loss. But a defensive pessimist will take into consideration the possibility. The downside is that they’ll be inclined to believe that the worst will happen. That idea will always loom over their head until proven otherwise. So, that is the downside of defensive pessimism. It often fills people with fear and anxiety.

And it’s not healthy at all to use it as a defense mechanism. It’s way better to strive toward being a realist. But, of course, it still gives you the advantage of considering the worst possible outcomes. But that possibility won’t seem like a guarantee anymore. So you won’t have to deal with all the stress and other negative repercussions.

2. Dispositional Pessimism

Unlike defensive pessimism, dispositional pessimism is defined as a constant belief that everything will go wrong. It’s not just that you consider that it might happen. You strongly believe everything you’ve worked for will collapse at any second. No matter how good things are going, a dispositional pessimist won’t be able to accept that. They’ll always believe that things going well is just a prelude to the end of your life.

The worst part about this is that dispositional pessimists will blame themselves for all that goes wrong. For example, if you’re walking to work, it randomly starts pouring, and a car drives by and splashes you. If you’re a dispositional pessimist, you blame yourself for what happened. You’ll think it’s your fault for not walking far enough from the side of the road. And you’ll keep beating yourself up about it for the whole day.

Dispositional pessimism is completely destructive. As opposed to defensive pessimism, it doesn’t have any benefit. It can’t help you be prepared for the worst because this mindset destroys your confidence and motivation. What it does is that it makes you believe that you deserve every awful thing that comes your way.

You won’t fight to ensure bad things don’t happen because you’ll be convinced you can’t. If you don’t try to change this mentality, it will eat away at you. It can even reach the point of nihilism, believing that life doesn’t have meaning; therefore, you shouldn’t make an effort. Besides having a horrible effect on your mental health, it can stop you from pursuing your dreams.

How to Overcome Pessimistic Thinking

When changing your thinking patterns, your focus must be on the issue’s root. So, you need to understand what type of pessimism you have and why it developed. Once you know the root cause, genetic or environmental, you can work on solving it. One way to do that is by going to therapy. But you can also make strides by yourself, for example, by cutting toxic people out of your life.

Practicing positive thinking can also help you out. It might seem unattainable, but there are some tricks you can use to speed along your progress. For once, you can try journaling to face your feelings and fears. Once you do, you can start addressing those issues. In addition, you can use affirmations and thought replacements to change your mindset.

Final Thoughts on the Two Types of Pessimism and How to Avoid It

Sometimes, being pessimistic is unavoidable. However, not everyone can be cheery and optimistic all of the time. Even being realistic can seem impossible when life is shattering around you. Being pessimistic is natural, but you must learn to control those feelings. Make sure negativity doesn’t become your default. And to do that, you need to understand the difference between dispositional and defensive pessimism.

Dispositional pessimism is what you need to be wary of. That’s when you believe that you deserve a horrible life and that everything that goes wrong is your fault. This can gravely affect your mental and physical health. Defensive pessimism is not nearly as bad and can even have some benefits. This means you always prepare for the worst without beating yourself up when bad things happen. It’s much closer to realism. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t any downsides. You are susceptible to increased stress and anxiety if you are a defensive pessimist. To avoid all these issues, you must fight pessimistic thinking by practicing positivity.

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