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Psychologists Explain 7 Reasons Compulsive Liars Think It’s Okay To Lie

February 28, 2018 by Power of Positivity

Compulsive liars have an aversion to telling the truth.

According to psychologist and author, David J. Ley, Ph.D., compulsive liars “get so accustomed to lying that they do so even when there is no clear purpose, and when their lies are easily disproven, leaving everyone scratching their heads over the point of their deceptions.”

Even if lying doesn’t make the situation better, compulsive liars feel compelled to lie. But why? Chances are, we’ve all known a compulsive liar in our lives, and their lies stretched from big to small. Psychologists have studied the compulsive liar, and they have figured out a few reasons why they lie. Or, rather: why compulsive liars think it’s okay to lie.

Here Are 7 Reasons Why Compulsive Liars Think It’s Okay To Lie

“Liars begin with making falsehood appear like truth, and ends with making truth itself appear like falsehood.” – William Shenstone

1. Lying keeps them in control

When you have control over the truth, you can control a situation. Compulsive liars tend to lie because it keeps them in control of the narrative. It doesn’t matter if the lie is good or bad. Giving up the lie means that they will also have to give up control of the narrative, and that is scary for them.

“The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative,” adds Dr. Ley. Not all compulsive liars do it maliciously, but that doesn’t stop it from still being a compulsive behavior. Lying to stay in control is one of the main reasons they think it’s okay to lie.

2. They don’t think they’re lying

For compulsive liars, they often twist the truth so much that they no longer know what is real and what isn’t. So, when a compulsive liar lies, they may be doing it because they no longer believe that it’s a lie. In fact, they may very well think that they are telling the truth.

“It has been observed that pathological liars believe their lies to the extent that the belief may be delusional,” says Dr. Charles C. Dike, MD, MPH, MRCPsych.

If they’ve told themselves and everyone else around them that they had a goldfish that died, even if they didn’t, they may begin to really believe that they had a goldfish that died – and if they really believe it, they no longer believe that they are lying.

3. The lies don’t matter

At least, in their eyes, they don’t. Even if the lie has the potential to change someone’s life, to them the lie simply doesn’t matter. This is how they continue to tell themselves it’s okay to keep lying, because the lies that they tell don’t really matter.

“Pathological liars will look at a situation entirely from their own perspective. They have no regard for another’s feelings about what might happen as a result of their lies,” states professor of psychological and brain sciences, Robert Feldman, PhD.

Unfortunately, for many compulsive liars, if something doesn’t affect them in any way, then they are not likely to care about it affecting other people. Psychologists have found that compulsive liars tend to keep lying the more they convince themselves that they’re not hurting anyone.

4. They want the lie to be true

On the flip side of the compulsive liar really believing their own lies, they also lie because they want their lies to be true. In fact, they want them to be true so bad that they’ll continue to repeat the lie as a statement of fact until they get their way. This often works with trying to ostracize someone they don’t like from a certain group.

“Pathological liars seem utterly sincere about their lies, but if confronted with facts to the contrary, will often just as sincerely reverse their story. Their stories have a believable consistency, but they just do not seem able to monitor whether they are telling the truth or not,” says psychiatrist at the U.C.L.A. School of Medicine, Dr. Bryan King.

A compulsive liar may tell a lie about someone bullying them over and over until other people believe the lie, and it becomes truth to the people around them. To them, the lie then becomes true.

5. Lying feels good

To a compulsive liar, lying is much like a rush or a high. They lie for fun, and because it feels good to get people to listen to them. They may lie about things that don’t matter in the long run, like an old college girlfriend or a trip they never took to Hawaii. For the most part, many compulsive liars continue to lie, and continue to justify it to themselves because it feels too good to stop. They like the attention and don’t want it to go away. Many continue to lie because they think people won’t find them interesting, otherwise.

6. To protect themselves

Much like lying to stay in control, compulsive lying can often be born out of a situation where the liar was once abused, either physically, verbally or emotionally. While this doesn’t excuse the lying, it does give a frame of reference for why they tell themselves it is okay to lie in the first place.

In this case, the compulsive liar may have developed it as a coping mechanism to keep themselves safe from the abuser. Now that they are out of the situation, they may continue to lie because they feel the need to protect themselves.

7. They already started, so why stop?

For some compulsive liars, they justify the lying to themselves by thinking, “Well, I already started this lie, I’d better finish it.” This is because, “If a chronic liar admits to any single lie, they feel like they’re admitting to being a liar, and then you’ll have reason to distrust them,” adds Dr. Ley.

They convince themselves that they might as well see the lie through to the end, even though the end only happens when they get caught in the lie. This often also includes adding more lies on top of the original lie, until it just kind of snowballs out of their control and they get caught.

Final thoughts

“Pathological lying isn’t a clinical diagnosis, though it can sometimes be a symptom of other issues, such as a personality disorder or a manic episode,” concludes Dr. Ley. Thankfully, while being on the other side of the lies can be frustrating, a compulsive liar can be helped by therapy.

There are ways to work through a compulsive liar’s inability to tell the truth and come out on the other side. Psychologists are able to take these reasons as to why compulsive liar’s think it’s okay to lie, and work through them to help change their behavior.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Behaviors Awakened People Display In Their Relationship

February 28, 2018 by Power of Positivity

Unfortunately, many people stay in bad relationships just to avoid being alone or because they think no one else would want them. A British survey commissioned by money-transfer service TransferWise and carried out by YouGov on a sample of 2,031 British adults found that 6 in 10 people stay in relationships that are unfulfilling because they’re used to compromising.

While these statistics only represent British people, they are likely similar worldwide. Granted, it’s understandable to be afraid of getting out of a relationship and being on your own again, especially if you’ve been with the person for a while, but your mental and physical health are the priority. If you are unhappy in a relationship and nothing is changing despite the two of you working on things, then it’s best to leave it behind and move on.

With that said, conscious couples tend to take relationships to their highest heights, and truly embody the term “power couple.” Both people have worked on themselves and healed their past wounds, and this allows them to fully give themselves to their partner and relationship. They see a relationship as an opportunity to grow, not a chance to control or bring down another person.

Here are 5 traits of conscious couples:

1. They care about helping each other grow

Being in a relationship provides a chance to grow individually, but also as a couple. Conscious couples not only care about the growth of themselves, but the growth of their partner, too. They don’t try to control the other person, but rather, allow them to flourish and blossom into whoever they desire to be. They help each other reach their goals, and truly care about their partner’s happiness and well-being.

The conscious couple never stops expanding and growing, because they know stagnation is the death of a relationship.

They don’t put out each other’s flames, but instead keep kindling the fire until the whole world shines a bit brighter.

2. Conscious couples don’t blame their partner for their wounds

Basically, the conscious couple takes responsibility for their past and have learned to put it behind them to start anew in their relationship. They don’t blame their partner for feelings of abandonment or neglect caused by their past, and therefore, they don’t expect these feelings to surface in the relationship. Of course, everyone makes mistakes and no relationship can feel happy all the time, but conscious couples have far less fights and misunderstandings than others.

They have simply agreed to use positivity to help their relationship grow rather than let the relationship die due to holding onto old pain.

3. They don’t try to stifle their partner

From a young age, we have all been conditioned to think we have to act, think, or talk in a certain way to get people to like us. It’s natural to want to be accepted, but so many people have buried their true selves in order to make other people like them – and nothing about this is healthy. In a conscious relationship, there are no filters, no expectations, and no hiding. Everything gets thrown onto the table, out in the open, and both people are perfectly okay with that.

They would rather watch their partner be their authentic self, even if that feels a little intense, than make them feel like they have to put on a mask just to maintain the relationship.

4. Conscious couples make love the priority

The power couple always asks “How can I love you more?” “How can I bring more love into our relationship?” They don’t expect to feel rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they certainly try everything in their power to keep their partner happy and feeling loved.

They treat love as a habit, not as an occasional place to retreat to after a fight or on an anniversary. They put love first, because without love, what would be the point of a relationship? Conscious couples approach every circumstance in their relationship with the question “How can I be love?” In other words, they aren’t interested in using the other person for the sake of love; they want to take things to the next level and embody love themselves.

Because each partner isn’t dependent on the other to provide this feeling, it’s ever-present, like the very air we breathe.

5. They practice active listening

Unfortunately, many people today have forgotten the art of simply listening. We live in such a fast-paced, loud, chaotic world that requires our attention be split in a thousand directions. This habit of being in such a hurry has led many of us to forget to slow down, stop thinking for a second, and just listen. In romantic relationships, stopping what you’re doing, allowing your partner to speak, and fully listening to what they have to say leads to better conversations, deeper understanding, and a stronger bond.

According to an article by Diana Raab, PhD, on Psychology Today, “The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation, and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.”

Final thoughts

Relationships require a lot of nurturing to stay alive, but, like anything in life, what you get out of something depends on what you put into it. If you want a thriving, healthy, happy, vibrant relationship, you have to view love as a practice and an opportunity to grow with your partner, rather than trying to “fix” or change them.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Sources:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3330752/Stiff-upper-lip-gone-far-60-stay-bad-relationships-poor-customer-service-save-face.html
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21277/the-4-qualities-of-a-conscious-relationship.html
http://thespiritscience.net/2016/09/09/12-conscious-habits-people-in-healthy-relationships-do/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201708/deep-listening-in-personal-relationships

7 Behaviors A Sexually Aggressive Person Displays Before Revealing Themselves

February 26, 2018 by Power of Positivity

Society’s understanding of sexually abusive actions – and their consequences – are perhaps higher than ever before. Look no further than the United States. In just the last few months, the following movements and scandals have taken place:

– The #MeToo (“me too) movement: The phrase “me too,” coined by Tarana Burke, is perhaps the most effective sexual harassment awareness campaign in history. The hashtag #MeToo has been tweeted millions of times by women to “empower women through empathy.”

It’s founders – collectively called the ‘Silence Breakers’ – earned Time’s 2017 “Person of the Year” award.

– The Harvey Weinstein scandal and fallout: Harvey Weinstein, once considered one of Hollywood’s most successful film producers, has been accused by more than 50 women of actions “ranging from rape to sexual harassment.”

Since Weinstein’s indictment, accusers pointed fingers as public figures such as Kevin Spacey and Matt Lauer.

– The Michigan State University sexual abuse scandal: Various top officials of Michigan State University (MSU), one of the largest and most prestigious public universities in the U.S., are accused of covering up the most significant sexual abuse scandal in the history of American sports.

Larry Nassar, the former director of sports at MSU and former doctor of the U.S. Olympic gymnastics team, was convicted of sexual assault involving as many as 150 women. Nassar received a sentence of a minimum 25 years in prison.

7 Hidden Signs of a Sexually Aggressive Person

“Behavior results from the way a person thinks. A person’s thinking processes largely define his character. In considering how to prevent further victimization … it is essential to understand the mental makeup of the victimizer.” ~ Stanton E. Samenow, Ph.D.

Sexual abuse is often traumatizing for the victim. One prominent U.K.-based sexual abuse therapist states: “I have counseled many women who have experienced sexual trauma. They have been emotionally scarred, lost their sense of identity, and live with the experience every single day.”

Considering the current state of affairs, understanding the psychology – and possible actions – of a sexual predator should be considered paramount. Indeed, an individual who possesses this knowledge can effectively make themselves less of a target.

1. Building (Suspicious) Trust

Anyone who victimizes others understands the importance of first establishing trust. To build this trust, a sexual predator will make the victim feel as if they’re the focal point of the perpetrator’s attention.

However, what differentiates a sexual deviant from others is the escalating intensity with which they display attentive behaviors. For example, they may text and call at inappropriate times or in excessive numbers.

2. Using Manipulative Language

To gaslight is to “manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity” – a deceptive tactic that sexual abusers almost always use to achieve their aims.

Should the victim challenge the abuser’s actions, the abuser will resort to lying, verbal manipulation, guilt-tripping, and victimization. Gaslighting eventually leaves the victim feeling emotionally drained, helpless, and – most unfortunately – ridden with guilt.

3. Normalizing the Behavior

The cycle of sexual abuse has begun, and the “honeymoon” emotions of attentiveness, care, and charm become less and less frequent. At this point, the vaguely uncomfortable feeling that something was wrong in the beginning is now apparent.

Following the normalization of unacceptable behavior, the abuser will begin with emotional and psychological exploitation – often culminating in sexually-abusive acts.

4. Playing the Victim

Ironic though it may be, men and women who prey on the opposite sex possess a strong sense of victimization. Such feelings are narcissistic in nature – and often entail feelings of grandiosity (“delusions of grandeur.”)

The aggressor will often ratchet up this misplaced sense of victimhood; essentially turning it into a game of cat and mouse. He or she will usually blame the other person for anything that goes wrong: a “I only did this because you did that” sort of deal.

5. Degrading Words and Actions

At this stage, the sexual aggressor’s abnormally self-directed thoughts and actions become more apparent. He will make sexual comments and identify insecurities in order to exploit them later.

Sexual abusers will often bring up (personally-concealed) past sexual experiences – and encourage their victim to do the same. The predator, armed with this information, can use this as “intel” to strengthen their position of power.

6. Pushing Sexual Boundaries

Sexually-aggressive people typically have no respect for personal boundaries. Instead, they feel to need to “push and push” to get what they want. Despite sensing the victim’s anxiety, the aggressor is likely to be quite deliberate – even cerebral – in their approach.

Ultimately, determining when one is uncomfortable with certain actions taken – and exiting the situation – is key to avoiding this vulnerable position.

7. Attempting to Disempower

Disturbingly, the perpetrator will often try and assure the victim that “everything is okay” as they carry out their systematic abuse. This disempowerment entails normalizing the victim’s distress (we will talk about this later.)

The abuser tries to destroy his victim’s confidence. As a result, the abuser feels disempowered.

5 Ways To Prevent Negative People From Taking Over Your Thoughts

February 26, 2018 by Power of Positivity

Our thoughts can be affected by the people we surround ourselves with. This means that when surrounded by positive people, our thoughts are mostly positive. Likewise, if there are negative people in our lives, our thoughts can also become negative.

“These negative people are markedly pessimistic and will exhaust anyone. Destructive energy and drama follow them everywhere. If you’re not careful, they can pull you into their chaos — disrupting your focus and sidelining your goals,” says author and business etiquette expert, Jacqueline Whitmore.

Thankfully, there are ways to ensure our thoughts don’t get taken over by the negative people in our lives. Here are some of the best ways to keep your thoughts positive, even when negative people are affecting your life.

Here Are 5 Ways To Prevent Negative People From Taking Over Your Thoughts

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” – Joel Osteen

1. Practice self-care

Self-care is an integral part of keeping your thoughts positive, even when you’re surrounded by negative people. Sometimes, self-care can be as simple as enjoying some time by yourself. Other times, it can mean taking a long hot shower, going for a jog, or practicing some meditation.

Professional coach and author Angel Chernoff says, “…And since you can’t control what they do, it’s important to take care of yourself so you can remain centered, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of their negativity when you must.”

Self-care is generally anything you can do to take care of yourself when things in life get too stressful. It can also help clear out your thoughts when you start to feel as if negative people are taking over your life. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to take care of yourself.

2. Remove yourself from negative people

Negative people in your life can be one of the biggest sources of negative thoughts. The best way to ensure your thoughts don’t get overwhelmed is to limit the time you spend with negative people. Some people in your life can’t be avoided, like family or co-workers. You don’t have to cut them out of your life, but taking time away from them will do wonders for your thoughts.

“It’s difficult to look on the bright side when you’re surrounded by negativity. Seek out positive people to keep you balanced. Just like negative people can rub off on you, a positive person can brighten your spirit,” says clinical social worker, expert on mental strength and author Amy Morin.

Spending more time surrounded by positive people will improve your thoughts and keep the negative thoughts away.

3. Focus your energy on positive things

It can be tempting to focus all of your energy on the negative people in your life. This will cause your thoughts to be taken over. The best way to combat this is to focus your energy on positive things. Help someone, call someone you love, do something you enjoy, or spend a day with your family. You can do these things to keep your thoughts positive and free from the negative influences in your life.

Top-selling author Susan Reynolds beautifully pointed out that, “Being focused on negative thoughts effectively saps the brain of its positive forcefulness, slows it down, and can go as far as dimming your brain’s ability to function, even creating depression. On the flip side, thinking positive, happy, hopeful, optimistic, joyful thoughts decreases cortisol and produces serotonin, which creates a sense of well-being. This helps your brain function at peak capacity.”

Sometimes, focusing your energy on positive things can even mean focusing positive energy on the negative people in your life. You never know what a little positivity can do for someone.

4. Maintain your boundaries

You don’t have to let negative people into your life just because they’re family members or people you once were close to. Setting boundaries with the people in your life is something that everyone should learn to do, whether these people are positive or negative. To make sure that negative people don’t take over your thoughts, it’s important to set and maintain your boundaries.

“Don’t feel pressured to sit and listen to a negative person. Their negative energy will seep into your own life and affect your attitude… You can’t control the negative behavior, but you can control whether or not you engage,” says author and business etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore.

Your thoughts will benefit from being able to remove yourself from negative influences and making sure they don’t force their way into your life.

5. Validate your own self-esteem

One of the reasons that people tend to affect our thoughts, whether they’re positive or negative, is because we tend to seek our validation from other people. “It all comes down to how you value yourself, and thus believe in yourself… When your sense of satisfaction and self-worth are derived from the opinions of others, you are no longer in control of your own happiness,” adds Chernoff.

When we find validation in positive people, our thoughts tend to be more positive. However, when we seek out validation from negative people, we don’t always receive it. When that happens, our thoughts can be taken over by the negative people we sought to validate us. Instead, find a way to validate your own self-esteem. This will keep you free from negative influences and improve your own sense of self.

Final thoughts

Negativity can be a hassle to deal with. The people in our lives can affect us in all kinds of ways – and in turn, we also affect other people. When negative people take over our thoughts, it can be hard to figure out how to turn it around. These tips should help anyone bring a more positive outlook into their lives and stop negative people from taking over their thoughts. When we become more positive, we also influence other people’s lives positively and constructively.

References:
https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/308109
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201502/5-ways-stop-giving-negative-people-too-much-power
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prime-your-gray-cells/201108/happy-brain-happy-life
https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/308109#0

8 Traits Of A Good Woman to Never Ignore

February 26, 2018 by Power of Positivity

Men, it’s time to get a little serious. Finding someone to spend your life with is just as important to men as it is to women. Society likes to pretend that men don’t worry about these types of things, but that just isn’t true. Dating and finding a compatible match is an important part of adulthood for a lot of men. That’s why it’s extremely important never to ignore these signs of a good woman. Make your life easier and commit these signs to memory.

Here Are 8 Traits Of A Good Woman To Never Ignore

“The path of a good woman is indeed strewn with flowers; but they rise behind her steps, not before them.” – John Ruskin

1. Patience

Patience isn’t considered a virtue without good reason! “A patient woman can do a lot to ensure that you are stable of mind and that you are making the right decisions for yourself, and then the people who are in your orbit,” says business consultant Franklin Madison on The Good Men Project.

A good woman is patient, and doesn’t insist on instant gratification. Not everyone can be patient, so you want to keep an eye out for the women who can exercise restraint in all walks of life. Patience really is a virtue, and is a sign of a good woman.

2. Encouraging

Good women won’t want to bring you down. One of the major signs of a good woman is that she’s encouraging. No matter your life goals, she’s always going to stand by your side and be your greatest cheerleader. You’ll never have to feel worried, because she will always be standing by your side. When you’re feeling down, she’ll be there to pick you up whenever you need it, no questions asked.

3. Loyalty

Loyalty can be hard to come by in this day and age. That is why loyalty is the sign of a good woman. Her loyalty to you means you won’t ever find out that she’s talking about you behind your back, or doing anything to hurt you. Even when you’re in the wrong, she will ensure she has your back. You can always count on her to be there when you need it, no matter what.

Why?

“Because she chooses what she wants out of life and she holds on to it when she gets it. When you are what she wants, she will give you her everything,” says author James Michael Sama.

4. Forgiving

Let’s face it, we all say things we don’t mean. We all make mistakes. A good woman is willing to forgive your mistakes and work through them. When you find a good woman, you will know that you can be human and make mistakes. A good woman won’t just say she forgives you while still holding it over your head. She will forgive you, wholly and completely, and be ready to move on and grow.

5. No jealousy

Good women don’t worry about your ex-girlfriends or try to figure out who you’re hanging out with. Good women, “do not get jealous because they are secure enough in themselves to know what (and who) is worth their time, or what/who isn’t,” adds Sama.

When you find a good woman, you’ll know it by the trust she puts in you. She embraces your friends and realizes that you’re a whole human being outside of the relationship. She isn’t jealous of your family, your ex’s, or your friends. You won’t ever have to deal with the green-eyed monster when you’re with her.

6. Empathy

The mark of a good woman is her ability to feel what you’re feeling. Empathy is a major sign of a good woman. While she can’t read your mind, she can put herself in your shoes and empathize with the way you feel. She cares about you deeply, as well as the other people in her life. When you’re hurting, she doesn’t stop to ask why. She feels it and wants to help you.

7. Humorous

Being able to find humor during the good times and the bad is a skill that not everyone has. Meet Mindful states, “A woman who expresses her comedic sensibility with wit shows both her intelligence and her penchant for laughter; and laughter, let’s note, is both a bonding tool in smooth times and a healing tool in rough times of any relationship.”

You will know that you’ve found a good woman when she is able to make you smile even when things are going rough. To you, she is like a slice of sunshine on a cloudy day and she never fails to warm you up.

8. Fun

The most important thing about a good woman is that she’s fun, and that you have fun with her. It doesn’t matter if all you do is hang out at the house and watch television. “The best relationships are between romantic partners who are first and foremost best friends,” says Dr. Gary Lewandowski.

When you’re with her, you’re always feeling like you’re having a good time because she makes it fun. You’re not afraid to try new things as long as she is at your side, making you feel good.

Final thoughts

Finding such a great partner is not hard to come by, especially when you know what you’re looking for. Everyone deserves to have someone to love in their life, especially someone who is wholly and empathetically good. Men, keep an eye out for a woman who shows all the signs of being a truly good woman.

How to Release Attachments to Emotional Abuse (And Stop Blaming Yourself For It)

February 26, 2018 by Power of Positivity

For many people, blaming themselves seems like a natural part of life. However, many people tend to blame themselves for things that aren’t their fault, or worse: for things that are other people’s mistakes.

According to Health Guidance, “It is first very important to understand the distinct difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility for your actions. When you accept responsibility for a wrong, you are saying that you are the cause for something to have happened.”

To begin living for yourself, you must first learn to stop blaming yourself for a mistake that isn’t yours i.e. stop taking responsibility for something you haven’t done. Learning to take responsibility for your own actions and your actions alone is what learning to live for yourself is all about.

You don’t need to blame yourself for things you had no control over or the wrongs others have chosen to do. Here are the best ways to stop blaming yourself for other people’s mistakes so that you can finally live for yourself.

Here Are 4 Ways To Stop Blaming Yourself For Someone Else’s Mistakes

“With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically.” – Beverly Engel

1. Recognize your responsibilities

The first step to allowing yourself to be free of blame for other people, is to focus on what is your responsibility. If you’re blaming yourself for someone else’s misfortune, ask yourself if it was your responsibility to make sure that person didn’t make a mistake in the first place. The answer will usually be ‘No’.

This will allow you to focus on yourself, your own needs and the things that you’re responsible for in your life, rather than putting your responsibilities on hold to feel blame for things that other people have done.

“Self-blame is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. It amplifies our perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined, and paralyzes us before we can even begin to move forward,” says psychotherapist, teacher and writer Michael J. Formica.

Remember, blame is a condemnation for something going wrong, and you are never to be condemned for something someone else has done.

2. Get a reality check

Having a support system is invaluable in so many different situations, and most especially when you need someone to help you with a reality check. Holding onto blame for something that we didn’t do can cause us to feel guilty and continue a feedback loop of blame and guilt. However, when you have friends and family members who are outside of the situation, whatever it may be, you can turn to them for help.

When an unbiased party is able to hear the situation and assess what is going on, you’ll be able to tell whether or not you’re carrying blame for someone else’s mistakes. This reality check can not only help you release that blame, but also move forward with your life.

3. Forgive yourself

Sometimes, the reason that we hold onto blame for other people’s mistakes is because we’re so used to not releasing the blame for our own. It seems like a natural thing to blame yourself for someone else’s problems when you’re so used to blaming yourself for your own! The best way to release that negativity is to learn how to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes! We’re only human. There’s no one on earth who is perfect.

“Treat mistakes as learning experiences. Avoid viewing them as failures. Instead, use them as opportunities for improvement and growth,” says life coach Evelyn Lim.

While forgiveness can be one of the hardest things for us humans to do, it can be an invaluable tool in releasing yourself from undue blame. Once you begin to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, you’ll be able to stop blaming yourself for the things that others have done.

4. Move forward

Living in the past is one of the things that stops us from moving forward in life. When we continue to blame ourselves for things that we didn’t do, we’re pretty much keeping ourselves stuck in the past. Moving forward is a key component of being able to release yourself from blame and reclaim your life for yourself.

“Mistakes happen every day to everyone and if we all just continued to blame ourselves all of the time instead of moving on, we would have a very sad and depressed world. Blaming yourself will only work to bring you down and will not effectively solve any problem,” adds Mark Thomas on Health Guidance.

When you focus on moving forward and continuing on with life, you’ll find that you’re no longer trapped in a cycle of blame and guilt. Instead, you will find that you are forgiving yourself for past mistakes and allowing yourself to feel positive emotions instead of negative ones. Sometimes, it’s time to just say, “No more”, and move forward with your life and leave the blame behind you.

Final thoughts

In life, we can only take responsibility for ourselves. We can’t control other people’s actions. We can only control ourselves. Learning this makes living for yourself so much easier, and opens you up to a whole new world of positivity. Blame is not something that anyone needs to be carrying for someone else, nor is it a productive emotion to have.

“Playing the self-blame game can be destructive. Although reviewing your actions to determine what went well and what went wrong can be highly beneficial, getting stuck in “self-blame” has the potential to be psychologically destructive,” add psychology professors Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D.

All you need to do is make sure that you’re taking responsibility for yourself, keeping yourself grounded, and learn to forgive the mistakes you’ve made in the past. Once you do those things, moving forward will bring you to your new life of living for yourself.

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Here Are 7 Reasons Why Compulsive Liars Think It’s Okay To Lie

1. Lying keeps them in control

2. They don’t think they’re lying

3. The lies don’t matter

4. They want the lie to be true

5. Lying feels good

6. To protect themselves

7. They already started, so why stop?

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Here are 5 traits of conscious couples:

1. They care about helping each other grow

2. Conscious couples don’t blame their partner for their wounds

3. They don’t try to stifle their partner

4. Conscious couples make love the priority

5. They practice active listening

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7 Hidden Signs of a Sexually Aggressive Person

1. Building (Suspicious) Trust

2. Using Manipulative Language

3. Normalizing the Behavior

4. Playing the Victim

5. Degrading Words and Actions

6. Pushing Sexual Boundaries

7. Attempting to Disempower

Here Are 5 Ways To Prevent Negative People From Taking Over Your Thoughts

1. Practice self-care

2. Remove yourself from negative people

3. Focus your energy on positive things

4. Maintain your boundaries

5. Validate your own self-esteem

Final thoughts

Here Are 8 Traits Of A Good Woman To Never Ignore

1. Patience

2. Encouraging

3. Loyalty

4. Forgiving

5. No jealousy

6. Empathy

7. Humorous

8. Fun

Final thoughts

Here Are 4 Ways To Stop Blaming Yourself For Someone Else’s Mistakes

1. Recognize your responsibilities

2. Get a reality check

3. Forgive yourself

4. Move forward

Final thoughts

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