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7 Signs Your Partner Is Using You

Are you with a partner who is using you?

Relationships aren’t always cut and dry. Sometimes, we enter into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want the best for us, and wants us for what we can bring to the table. Whether it’s money, sex, or emotional labor, sometimes we can get with people who just want to use us. When that happens, we don’t always know it until it’s too late, and we’re left feeling used and unhappy.

Knowing the signs to watch out for when your partner is using you can help make sure you don’t walk into a one-way relationship. Here are some red flags for when your partner is using you.

Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner May Be Using You

“You can’t always be nice. That’s how people take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set boundaries.” – Ritu Ghatourey

using you

1. They won’t talk about commitment

If you’ve been together for a while – a year or more – and your partner is still talking about “taking it easy” and “just having fun” then they’re probably not ever going to be ready to commit to you – at least, not any time soon. A person who can’t commit may have some deep-seated issues, but it’s also likely that they’re just using you for what they can get. Once you realize it and start pushing for more commitment, they’re gone.

2. They’re selfish in the bedroom

They want theirs but they don’t care if you get yours. What kind of fun is that? If you feel your intimacy is more about them using you to get off, rather than having a mutually fulfilling sexual experience, then it’s probably time to cut them loose.

Healthy relationships accept that you both might inherently have different levels of libido, and you work together so that your needs for both connection and physical intimacy are met,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming. A partner in the bedroom is bound to be selfish in other areas as well. They’re just using you for their physical gain, and no one deserves that.

3. You’ve never met their friends

Who is your partner’s best friend? If you can’t picture their face or name them off the top of your head, chances are you’ve never been introduced to them. If your partner doesn’t feel like letting you into other parts of their life, it’s probably because “the less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. Or if you don’t know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night,” says Frank on Cosmopolitan.

This is a red flag that they’re just using you for something, and that they will split once you no longer serve that purpose.

4. They’re always asking for favors

Partners do favors for one another. It is normal and healthy for couples to help one another when needed. But, the trouble arises when you’re doing all the work and your partner can never seem to be found when you need something from them. If they’re constantly asking you for favors and don’t seem capable of giving you the same treatment, then it’s a big red flag that they’re just using you.

5. They’re not affectionate

Isn’t the point of a relationship to be loving and affectionate?! If your partner doesn’t seem to want to kiss, hold hands or snuggle, then what are they doing with you? Chances are, they’re using you for something else. Or, they only seem affectionate right before initiating something intimate and physical. That’s a red flag that they’re just using you, and they know that withholding affection will get you to comply when they do want something. If it’s not actively benefiting them, they won’t do it.

6. They only want to see you at odd hours

Is your partner always texting you to hang out late at night? Are they only available when no one else seems to be? This is a big red flag. If you never see your partner during the day or when other people hang out, it’s probably because they only show up when they have nothing better to do or want something.

Certified sexologist and author Dr. Sonjia Kenya says, “He’s always trying to see you, but never makes plans to do anything outside the bedroom, because he only wants to see you in the bedroom. Unlike last-minute ‘Netflix-and-chill’ texts, planning ahead shows he’s making you a priority.”

Ask yourself why if you can’t pin them down outside of 9 pm and 3 am.

7. They’re cheating on you

You may not know it, but you have your suspicions. If you have a gut feeling that your partner isn’t giving you all of their attention. They might have other people they’re seeing; this is a huge warning sign that you’re being used. In fact, you might even be the “side chick” in this situation. Don’t let someone use you. Cut ties as soon as you feel that there’s more than one person they’re hustling.

signs your partner is using you

 

Final thoughts on understanding when your partner is using you

Getting used isn’t a fun feeling. If you know the signs, you can stop the user right in their tracks. You deserve better; don’t allow yourself to get hurt. You can also watch for friends who might be getting involved with a user.

6 Signs Someone Is About to Leave The One They Love

In this day and age, we all know that marriage isn’t always the beginning of a long life together.

It’s important that both the husband and wife worked together to satisfy the needs and feelings of each other. Too much conflict in a marriage is one of the most common reasons men walk away from failing relationships. When couples are caught in cycles of criticism and defensiveness, this erodes their ability to feel safe, secure, and love,” says marriage counsellor Clinton Power.

Therefore, sometimes, marriages end. This isn’t a fun thing to think about, but the end of a marriage can sometimes be the best thing for both parties involved. Marriages don’t fall apart without warning, however. There are signs that people want to make sure they don’t miss when it comes to the potential end of a marriage. But why are people ending their marriages? What causes marriages to fall apart? Here are the main reasons that marriage falls apart and leads to divorce.

Here Are 6 Signs That Predict Failed Marriages You Should Never Ignore

“The wrong person isn’t breaking their back to make you happy. So, stop breaking your back for them.” – Sonya Parker

1. Unresolved conflict in the marriage

When men and women cannot resolve their conflict, it becomes a problem within the marriage. This can lead to all kinds of issues, while being a major issue in and of itself. Author Marcia Naomi Berger says, “Simply put, it is not the presence of conflict that stresses the relationship; it is the manner in which the couple responds. Positive, respectful communication about differences helps keep a marriage thriving.

Long-term and unresolved conflict can lead to cycles of defensiveness and a breakdown in communication. This can also make it hard for both men and women in the relationship to feel safe, secure and loved. When these things fall apart, the marriage falls apart as well. Being able to repair emotional conflict and communicate will make it less likely that conflict remains unresolved, causing rifts in the relationship.

2. Living parallel lives

What does this mean exactly? When you become a marriage and partnership, you’re taking two lives and creating one. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have your own life outside of your spouse, but simply that you now have a life together. When partners start to live parallel lives, it means that they’re drifting apart and not sharing their lives together. This can cause the intimacy and partnership in the marriage to fall apart. Working on keeping your friendship and intimate relationship with your partner strong will keep the relationship from falling apart and leading to divorce.

3. Sexual betrayal

Cheating is something that tears apart relationships and breaks down families. It’s something that happens more often than we like to believe, and it can be one of the main reasons that marriages fall apart. The betrayal of a loved one, especially sexually, can cause a drop in self-esteem, trust, and communication. Sexual betrayal doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship, however. Couples can, and often do, heal from the betrayal.

Many people think that affairs signal the end of a marriage. This is simply not true. Although healing from infidelity is a challenging endeavor, most marriages not only survive, but they can actually grow from the experience. This is not to say that affairs are good for marriages — they aren’t. Affairs are very, very destructive because the bond of trust has been broken,” says author and TEDx speaker Michele Weiner-Davis.

Remember, it takes a lot of work, and owning up for accountability. Couples therapy can really help put sexual betrayal in the past and heal a marriage.

inspirational quote

4. Feeling underappreciated

It seems almost normal in relationships that women work, take care of the house, and take care of the children. This workload can often lead to women feeling like they’re extremely underappreciated in the relationship, which can lead to contentions. Men can also feel underappreciated as well, especially if they’re the sole breadwinners of the family. Feeling underappreciated is what can cause people to start to look outside of their relationships for people who will appreciate them. This can cause sexual betrayal, which only worsens the relationship.

5. Ignoring the issues in a marriage

Marriages don’t just fall apart if there are any problems between the couple at all. Problems often arise within a relationship, because two people sharing their lives come with a lot different opinions and personalities. But, when there are issues within the marriage that just get ignored, it can cause resentment and contempt.

The opposite problem of having too much conflict in the marriage is not having enough. Couples that avoid conflict are in real danger of their relationship not surviving in the long-term. Women and men that leave these marriages have often been silently fuming inside for many years,” adds Power.

Therefore, avoiding conflict will just make a relationship fall apart quicker. It’s important to address any problems that arise before they get out of hand so that a marriage can stay strong.

6. Lack of emotional and physical connection

When you get married, it doesn’t mean that you no longer have to put effort into being emotionally connected with your significant other. In fact, it’s the beginning of a whole new phase of emotional connection. It is also the beginning of a whole new phase of physical connection. When you get married, being with your partner physically and emotionally is one of the best ways to nurture the relationship. If there’s a lack of connection, the relationship starts to wither. Partners can feel neglected and unloved, which can lead to all kinds of problems.

Final thoughts

Marriages can, and do, end in divorce, but a relationship on the rocks doesn’t have to end. When your marriage is starting to show these signs of falling apart, there are ways to turn it around and make your relationship stronger than ever.

References:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/can-a-marriage-thrive-with-unresolved-conflict_b_9424032.html
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michele-weinerdavis/10-things-you-must-know-a_b_7247708.html

Powerful Advice From A Dying 27 Year Old

We all know that life is a limited time engagement, but we often don’t treat it as such. Many of us live our lives on autopilot, not really aware of each passing moment. We exist, just waiting for life to get better but not giving thanks for everything we have in the present. We think of dying as some far-off event, but in reality, none of us truly know when our last day on Earth will come.

None of us counts on dying before we turn 30, but for one Australian woman who died of cancer just a couple of weeks ago, that was her reality. Just 27 when she passed away, she wrote a beautifully moving post on Facebook before her death that has since gone viral. The young woman asked friends and family to share it on social media after she died.

Holly Butcher from Grafton, Australia, suffered from a rare form of cancer called Ewing’s sarcoma, which attacks the bones and soft tissues surrounding it.

advice from dying 27 year old woman

Credit: Facebook/Holly Butcher

In her relatively short time on Earth, she learned valuable life lessons that she shared in her Facebook post, such as not getting mad over little things, spending time with the ones you love, and remembering to give more than you get. Great advice!

Powerful Advice From Dying 27 Year Old Woman

Below is an excerpt from her post, which you can read in full here.

“Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through your phone’s screen. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females ????.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you can change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

dying

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year – a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo”

Researchers Reveal Alzheimer’s Treatment That Fully Restores Memory Function

Millions of people experiencing the early onset of Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) begin to feel their memory slip away slowly. Advanced stages of Alzheimer’s often leave the victim unable to recall the names and faces of their loved ones.

“I know what I want to say; I just can’t find the words.”

Alzheimer’s is a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking, and reasoning skills. The toll the condition takes on a person and their loved ones is overwhelming.

“The findings suggest that repeating scanning ultrasound may be a noninvasive method with potential for treating Alzheimer’s disease.” – Gerhard Leinega and Jürgen Götz

Per alz.org, Alzheimer’s disease:

  • Is the 6th leading cause of death in the United States.
  • Somone receives this diagnois every 66 seconds.
  • Claims the life of 1 in 3 senior citizens.
  • Kills more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined.
  • Affects more than 5 million Americans, which could rise to 16 million by 2050.
  • Costs the U.S. healthcare system nearly $259 billion annually; this amount may eclipse $1.1 trillion by 2050.

A Quick Background on Alzheimer’s

alzheimer's

Alzheimer’s disease was discovered in 1906 by Dr. Alois Alzheimer in his one of his female patients, Auguste Deter. Mrs. Deter “experienced memory loss, paranoid, and psychological changes.” Following her death at age 66, Dr. Alzheimer noted the shrinkage in and around nerve cells in her brain during the autopsy.

Both the psychological and physiological symptoms as described by Dr. Alzheimer, are caused by amyloid plaques and neurofibrillary tangles.

Amyloid is a protein found throughout the body, one that, for reasons unknown, abnormally modifies, producing a form of beta-amyloid which is toxic to neurons within the brain.

Neurofibrillary tangles are masses of defective tau protein – a stabilizing molecule abundant within central nervous system neurons (CNS). Defective tau protein, as is the case in AD patients, can not correctly regulate a critical element of cellular transport structures. This results in the disruption of mineral transfer, such as nutrients, to the brain.

A Ray of Hope

Since Dr. Alzheimer first discovered the disease that bears his name in 1906, few breakthroughs have been made. All of the treatments that have gained widespread use have had some degree of success in relieving symptoms. No drug or therapy, however, has successfully altered the devastating progression of AD.

In 2015, researchers from the Queensland Brain Institute (QBI) at the University of Queensland in Australia developed a novel solution for clearing the brain of neurotoxic amyloid plaques: ultrasound technology.

The focus therapeutic ultrasound technique non-invasively projects super-fast sound waves into brain tissue. The fluctuation of signals allows them to penetrate the blood-brain barrier (BBB), which acts as a layer of protection against bacteria and toxins.

Stimulation of the BBB activates waste removal cells, called microglial cells. In the study, published in the journal Science Translational Medicine, researchers report “fully restoring the memory function of 75 percent of the mice they tested it on, with zero damage to surrounding brain tissue.”

To test cognition, scientists developed three methods: a maze, an object recognition, and an avoidance task. All treated mice “displayed improve performance” in the administered tasks.

“We’re extremely excited by this innovation of treating Alzheimer’s without using drug therapeutics,” said Jürgen Götz, one of the study’s co-authors. “The word ‘breakthrough’ is often misused, but in this case I think this really does fundamentally change our understanding of how to treat this disease, and I foresee a great future for this approach.”

dementia

Focused Ultrasound: Present Day

Any time a new treatment method is discovered, it must undergo numerous clinical trials. Clinical trials are essential in determining not only treatment validity, but treatment safety.

This is where focused ultrasound therapy is today.

Per the Focused Ultrasound Foundation, the therapy is designed as “an early-stage, non-invasive, therapeutic technology with the potential to improve the quality of life and decrease the cost of care for patients with Alzheimer’s disease.”

Focused ultrasound is also incredibly precise, enabling practitioners to target affected brain areas without damaging healthy parts of the brain. Scientists state that focused ultrasound may also complement drug therapy. That’s because the treatment permits a temporary opening of the blood-brain barrier. This is essential for efficient drug delivery in many cases.

The latest official announcement about focused ultrasound comes from the Focused Ultrasound Foundation, published on November 17 of last year:

“A clinical trial that repeatedly opens the BBB in Alzheimer’s patients is underway at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre in Toronto, Canada. The trial aims to use focused ultrasound and microbubbles to temporarily open the BBB in patients with mild to moderate AD. This early-stage study will assess the safety, feasibility, and reversibility of BBB opening as well as the reproducibility of repeated BBB opening in human patients.”

Final Thought: Don’t forget the Omega-3 to Help Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease!

AD is a devastating illness. Of course, we all continue to hope for an effective treatment alternative Still, it is worth noting that supplementing with Omega-3 oil may help prevent the condition.

Per a study published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, “Neuroimaging shows increased blood flow in regions of the brain associated with memory and learning for people with higher omega-3 levels.” Further, omega-3 fatty acids “have shown anti-amyloid, anti-tau and anti-inflammatory actions in the brains of animals.”

The world-renowned neuroscientist, Dr. Daniel Amen, author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, says:

“This is very important research because it shows a correlation between lower omega-3 fatty acid levels and reduced brain blood flow to regions important for learning, memory, depression, and dementia.”

Rich food sources of omega-3’s include flaxseed, walnuts, kale, spinach, mackerel, and salmon. Quality Omega-3 supplements are also available at your local nutrition or whole foods grocer.

Science Explains What Happens to Your Body When You Eat Processed Meat

Not so long ago, most of global society received their meat, eggs, milk, poultry, and produce from the hottest spot in town. Their local farmer. Also referred to as “farm to table,” locally sourced food of yesteryear far exceeds that of today – in quality, freshness, and, of course, nutrition.

Before we delve too far into the hazards of processed meat, let’s get a bit more specific about its definition. In the context of this article, the word ‘processed’ includes any modification of fresh meat via salting, sweetening, curing, or cooking at high temperatures.

The Evolution of Eating

It takes just one statistic to prove this point. In the 1950’s, the average obesity rate for U.S. adults was 10 percent. In 2015, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that this number had swollen (no pun intended) to 35 percent.

Now, processed food isn’t entirely to blame; but of all the factors – larger portions, stress, more fast food joints, etc. – it bears more responsibility for the obesity epidemic than anything else. Demand would be nothing without supply, and food processors have supplied one of the worst kinds of foods imaginable.

What is ‘Processed Meat?’

Among processed meats are hot dogs, and most slices of ham, bacon, sausage, and some deli meats.
By definition, food processing – the modification of a natural food product – involves “salting, curing, fermenting, and smoking.”  Some processed meats include added sugars and other chemical components. Contrarily, nonprocessed meats are cut, sliced, and – if need be – frozen for preservation.
No additives or chemicals involved.

what processed meat does to body

Why Are Processed Meats So Bad?

Processed meats are adverse to good health for many reasons, though additives and high-temperature preparation may be the most significant factors.

Studies demonstrate that processed meat consumption correlates with an increased risk for many chronic diseases. These conditions include chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), bowel and stomach cancer, high blood pressure (hypertension), and heart disease.

In a 2008 study published in the journal Nutrition and Cancer, the authors note “the excess risk in the highest category of processed meat-eaters is comprised between 20% and 50% compared with non-eaters.”

Several hypotheses exist seeking to explain the relationship between cancer and processed meat; among them:

– “high-fat diets could promote carcinogenesis (the spread of cancerous cells) via insulin resistance or bile (liver-produced) acids.”

– “cooking meat at a high temperature forms carcinogenic (byproducts).”

– “carcinogenic compounds are formed in meat (internally and naturally).”

After examining the evidence, researchers conclude that all three hypotheses are valid.

Colorectal Cancer

Colorectal cancer, as the name implies, originates in the colon or rectum. As cancers of the colon and rectum produce a similar set of symptoms, the name of the two conditions often appear in cohort.

Colorectal cancer is one of the most common forms of cancer in developed (high-income) countries, such as the United States and the United Kingdom. Per the World Cancer Reseach Fund, it is the third most common cancer worldwide, with nearly 1.5 million new cases diagnosed annually. This number is expected to spike to 2.5 million by the year 2035.

Per the American Cancer Society, colorectal cancer signs and symptoms include:

  • A change in bowel habits, such as diarrhea, constipation, or narrowing of the stool, that lasts for more than a few days
  • A feeling that you need to have a bowel movement that is not relieved by having one
  • Rectal bleeding with bright red blood
  • Blood in the stool, which may make the stool look dark
  • Cramping or abdominal (belly) pain
  • Weakness and fatigue
  • Unintended weight loss

The link between colorectal cancer (among other types) and intake of processed meat are so strong that the World Health Organization (WHO) identifies processed meat as a ‘Group 1 carcinogen’ – a distinction it shares with products such as cigarettes and paint.

Not good.

Recommendations and Final Thoughts

“The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” ~ Ann Wigmore

Cutting out processed meat, completely, may be the best course of action; substitution is the second best option. The Australia Cancer Council recommends the latter: swapping processed meats and replacing them with capsicum (red pepper), chicken, eggplant, or mushrooms. Also, replacing processed meats with beans, chicken, eggs, fish, or lentils will provide an excellent protein source minus the health risks.

Vegetarian products, including falafel, tofu, vegetable lasagna, and vegetarian patties may provide a tasty meat substitute as well.

Maintaining a healthy body weight, proper exercise, and consuming more fiber and whole grains substantially lowers the risk of bowel and colorectal cancer, according to Dr. Edward L Giovannucci, professor of nutrition and epidemiology at the Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health.

If the thought of eliminating processed meat from your diet seems extreme or undoable, that’s okay! The old axiom, “Everything in moderation” is probably applicable in this case.

To those who habitually consume processed meat, do yourself (and your health) a big favor by dialing this habit back a little. Furthermore, ponder the idea of eating healthy, natural meats or meat substitutes.

To your continued good health, friends!

5 Adult Behaviors of Someone That Experienced Trauma As A Child

“Childhood trauma can result from anything that makes a child feel helpless and disrupts their sense of safety and security, including: sexual, physical, or verbal abuse; domestic violence; an unstable or unsafe environment; separation from a parent; neglect; bullying; serious illness; or intrusive medical procedures.” ~ Casa Palmera Treatment Center

Devastating.

This one word accurately describes the effects of childhood trauma.

Imagine how trauma – whether acquired by abuse, domestic violence, parental separation, bullying, neglect, illness, or something else – can impact a young person’s sense of self, and the world around him or her.

Trauma and Adulthood

Trauma, of course, doesn’t merely ‘stop’ once someone becomes an adult. The human brain grows fastest between the ages of 0 to 6 years and, often, the trauma is hardwired into the person’s mind.

An individual suffering from trauma experienced during childhood is often unaware how it impacts their life – the reason is that recall of specific childhood events is buried somewhere in the subconscious. Stories abound of patients who, during a therapy session, experience the surfacing of traumatic memories. While a vital step in the recovery process, recalling trauma can be overwhelming.

Here are five behaviors that a victim of childhood trauma displays through adulthood:

how to prevent child trauma

1. Chronic tension

Trauma originating outside the body (e.g., abuse, assault, stress) causes the brain to activate the fight-or-flight response. Stress hormones such as cortisol and norepinephrine flood the body, which prepares to defend itself. During this time, our body automatically tenses up.

The problem is that tension doesn’t always dissipate once the threat is removed or neutralized. In this case, the brain’s neural networks will maintain a state of hypervigilance, acting as if the threat remains and preparing the body accordingly.

2. Social withdrawal

Research demonstrates that childhood trauma contributes to Social Anxiety Disorder or SAD. Parental abuse (e.g., denigrating, insulting, swearing, verbal aggression) and emotional neglect (i.e., not feeling cared for, loved, or nurtured) relate directly to the onset of SAD.

Victims of childhood trauma who demonstrate social withdrawal often do so out of anxiety and fear. SAD patients report feeling “an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others,” and may isolate themselves to prevent this feeling.

3. Persistent panic

Both anxious and non-anxious brains are continually learning. Unlike the anxious person, however, a non-anxious individual can more easily ‘unlearn’ life’s lessons that it encounters. An anxious person has a hard time with this.

To illustrate, imagine two people receiving a poor performance review are scheduled to follow up with their manager.

Unless told otherwise, the non-anxious person is likelier to interpret the meeting as a non-threatening, neutral event. On the other hand, the anxious person may begin to panic about receiving a second negative review.

Worse, their anxious brain may be unable to concentrate on anything other than the meeting. They remain in a constant state of worry unless told otherwise.

4. Fear avoidance

It is human nature to circumvent what we fear, but childhood trauma victims take this avoidance to the extreme. While you may have an innate fear of going to the dentist, you’ll probably still go. Why? Because the benefits of taking action overrule the fear response.

Adults with a history of trauma often allow fear to dictate their actions. Using the dentist visit scenario, they’re more likely to give into the impulse to avoid the dentist; essentially allowing fear to cripple their intentions. The strong urge to avoid things seen as even remotely threatening can seriously impede on quality of life.

5. Underachievement

Researchers from the University of Florida and George Mason University link child trauma to many poor life outcomes.

From the paper:

“For students, the results of academic underachievement reach beyond the educational setting, often leading to deviant behaviors, fewer opportunities in life, and difficulty earning a living wage.”

The research team also found a correlation between socioeconomic status and traumatic stress. People from a disadvantaged background are 65% more likely to have experienced trauma as a child than someone from a middle-class background.

Getting Help for Your Trauma

First and most important, if you know of a child being maltreated or abused, contact your local child protective services office or law enforcement agency. It is never too late to begin healing the wounds of the past. While taking action may be difficult, proper treatment can make a big difference, even if it’s someone lending an ear.

Per Helpguide.org, a reputable organization focusing on mental health, there are four things someone can do immediately to begin the healing their traumatic past.

1. Exercise to ease the impact of trauma

“Trauma disrupts your body’s natural equilibrium, freezing you in a state of hyperarousal and fear. In essence, your nervous system gets ‘stuck.’”

Do some physical activity for thirvy minutes, five days per week. If this seems too much of a commitment, try doing three 10-minute bursts of daily exercise.

2. Don’t isolate yourself

“Connecting to others face to face will help you heal, so make an effort to maintain your relationships and avoid spending too much time alone.”

3. Regulate your nervous system

This one is important, so please pay close attention.

“No matter how agitated, anxious, or out of control you feel, it’s important to know that you can change your arousal system and calm yourself.”

Lower your arousal levels by engaging in mindful breathing or meditation. Take 60 breaths, focusing your attention on each exhale.

trauma

4. Look after your health after trauma

“It’s true: having a healthy body can increase your ability to cope with the stress of trauma.”

The authors recommend getting seven to nine hours of sleep, avoiding alcohol and drugs, eating well-balanced meals, and proactively reducing stress.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://childhoodtraumarecovery.com/2013/05/28/childhood-trauma-its-link-to-adult-anxiety/
http://time.com/5047874/anxiety-disorder-symptoms/
https://casapalmera.com/blog/7-ways-to-heal-your-childhood-trauma/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/study-links-child-trauma-school-performance/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3074005/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/body-sense/201006/ptsd-is-chronic-impairment-the-body-sense-why-we-need-embodied-approaches
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