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Harvard Researchers Explain How Optimism Helps You Live Longer

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

The power of optimism. If someone told you “Hey, being positive can help you live a longer life” would you do anything different?

Perhaps you’re inquisitive, you may want to know the source of such information. “Where did you hear that?” you ask, expecting some pseudoscientific drivel from a third-rate website. “Harvard University” they reply.

Your interest may heighten a bit more on hearing that; as well, it should.

Without going too much into the process of medical research, suffice to say that it’s rigorous, time-consuming, and stressful. It has to be. Scientists are required to be meticulous in their judgement, actions, and how they handle even the smallest of details. If they’re not, and people follow their published advice, the situation can get messy – and quick.

It’s safe to assume, then, that researchers at Harvard don’t put their credibility – and thereby their careers – at risk by publishing something without merit.

Especially when that “something” is extending life. And especially if it’s tied to something scientists are cautious about testing: emotions.

Yet, six scientists from arguably the most prestigious school on the planet have done exactly that.

“It has been demonstrated (that) optimism can be learned. If (the relationship) between optimism and broader health outcomes are established, it may lead to novel interventions that improve public health and longevity.” ~ Kim et. al

Why Did Researchers Perform This Study on Optimism?

In the simplest terms, this research was conducted because mounting evidence suggests that lifestyle factors aren’t the only puzzle piece.

Though risk factors (alcoholism, poor diet, smoking) are indeed important, so is mental health and, more specifically, psychological well-being. Now, medical professionals want to know more about the relationship between a positive attitude (optimism) and life expectancy.

Some basics of the optimism study

Here are a few things you may want to know about the study’s methods:

– Data used for the research was derived from the Nurse’s Health Study, an extensive study conducted bi-annually to assess women’s health.

– 70,021 women were assessed over eight years.

– The Harvard study is the first to measure the direct relationship between optimism and health risk.

– Severe medical conditions studied include cancer, heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease, and infection.

– Among the major health conditions studied, four are among the top five leading causes of death in the United States.

– Also studied was effect of “levels of optimism” on other mortality risks, including blood pressure, diet, and exercise.

What did they find?

The researchers found some promising stuff. Let’s dig in a little!

To keep things interesting, we’ll bullet point the study’s most important findings. In no particular order, here they are:

– Women ranking in the top quartile (25 percent) of “optimism levels” had a 30 percent lower risk of death across all major diseases.

– More specifically, the women had a 52 percent lower risk of death from infection; 39 percent lower risk of death from stroke; 38 percent lower risk of death from heart disease and respiratory disease; and a 16 percent lower risk of death from cancer.

– All of the abovementioned percentages remained steady; even when taking into account all high-risk factors!

– Positive optimism levels and health outcomes remained steady across self-reported risk factors. Among the reported conditions: high cholesterol, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, myocardial infection (heart attack), stroke, cancer, and body mass index.

What does this all mean?

Eric Lee, the study’s leading author, states “Our new findings suggest that we should make efforts to boost optimism, which has been shown to be associated with healthier behaviors and healthier ways of coping with life challenges.”

In short, Dr. Lee suggests that if you’re not a naturally positive person, it’s beneficial to become one. On the topic of “optimism conversion,” the study is clear: it is possible to be more positive!

“A common (illustration of) optimism versus pessimism is a glass with water at the halfway point, where the optimist is said to see the glass as half full and the pessimist sees the glass as half empty.” ~ Wikipedia

Not only is it possible to be more positive, the benefits of a more optimistic outlook extend far beyond side-stepping major health conditions.

A positive mindset proves in multiple studies to:

– maintain a healthy weight

– lower inflammation levels

– increase antioxidants

– strengthen the immune system

– clearer thinking and less “brain fog”

– healthier autonomic (involuntary) functions

Final Thoughts on Optimism

Though positive outlets are not in the study. But there are multiple ways to build a more optimistic mindset. To date, here are the best ways to do just that!

– Cultivate emotional intelligence: “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions…”

– Practice mindfulness: “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of the present moment.”

– Practice gratitude: “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciate for and return kindness.”

– Recite positive affirmations: “(self-directed) emotional support or encouragement,” e.g. “I am in control of my own health.”

Sources:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/282929.php
https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/185/1/21/2631298/Optimism-and-Cause-Specific-Mortality-A?sid=7816bd15-60fd-491b-bd99-f2cd39646d10
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism

9 Signs Of An Emotional Bully (And How To Stop Them)

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

An emotional bully is not very different than a kid who physically shoves around smaller children on the playground. However, instead of using their hands as weapons, they choose abusive words.

Bullying is a distinctive pattern of harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are in some way smaller, weaker, younger, or in any way more vulnerable than the bully.

Adults can be bullies, too

One of the most widespread misperceptions about bullying is that the behavior ceases – or is at best rendered irrelevant – when we reach adulthood. This mistaken viewpoint exists despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

A Nationally Known Emotional Bully

Look at the Harvey Weinstein case.

Weinstein is Miramax’s co-founder and former film executive, at one time a leading independent film motion picture and distribution company. Weinstein served as a co-director, director, and/or producer of movies such as Pulp Fiction, Shakespeare In Love, Reservoir Dogs, and Good Will Hunting.

Throughout his 20-plus year reign, Harvey Weinstein is alleged to have sexually-assaulted as many as 50 innocent women, though some speculate the number to be much higher.

Brit Marling, an alleged victim of Weinstein, wrote a compelling first-person essay piece for The Atlantic. In her piece, Marling describes the power of and influence of Weinstein at the time:

“Weinstein was a gatekeeper who could have actresses a career that would sustain their lives and the livelihood of their families. He could also give them fame, which is one of few ways for women to gain some semblance of power and voice inside a patriarchal world. They knew it. He knew it.”

Before Weinstein allegedly committed the crimes, he made it a point to demonstrate his power and influence over the actresses lives.

The women traumatized by Weinstein’s alleged criminal acts were emotionally bullied into submission.

In this article, we’re going to discuss nine common signs of emotional and psychological bullying – and, most importantly, how to stand your ground.

Emotional and psychological bullying serve as the focal points because both are often catalysts for other types of victimization – including physical, material, verbal, and covert harassment.

Here are 9 common signs of bullying (and how to deal with it)

1. Aggression

Adults will project their anger and insecurities onto others, including you, by using aggressive tactics. Aggression is in the bully’s DNA. It’s their persona. And they’ll use it to their advantage if allowed.

First, they’ll violate your personal space to “size you up.” Then they’ll push the boundaries further (unless they’re stopped).

2. Segregation

Overly-aggressive children often bully other kids by first attempting to segregate them from everyone else. Adult bullies operate similarly in this regard.

The workplace is an adult bully’s feeding grounds. They’ll try to persuade others to stay away from you. The adult bully may attempt to dissuade you from staying on with the company or team.

3. Blaming

When it comes to taking responsibility, grown bullies are (unsurprisingly) deficient. There is undoubtedly a narcissistic streak in adult bullies, and they’ll quickly and unabashedly pass the blame onto someone else.

They’ll also shun professional responsibilities, and create chaos in a team environment.

4. Smearing

As mentioned, bullies frequently operate “behind the scenes.” It should come as no surprise if you’re the target of behind-the-back insults.

Just don’t expect to talk some sense into the person. Bullies aren’t usually the most upfront characters.

Speaking of which, here’s number five.

5. Conflict Avoidance

Bullies do not have a courageous bone in their body. We can see this through bullies approach to conflict: running away or avoiding it.

Another way of observing their actual nature is standing up to them – calling them out on their B.S. That tough exterior will evaporate quickly.

6. Instilling Fear

Fear is the bully’s ally. Fear helps them gain and uphold control.

The idea of intentionally instilling a sense of fear into innocent people is repulsive to the rational mind. Therein lies the problem: most bullies are impulsively reckless – exhibiting no evidence of rational thought.

7. Physical intimidation

Bullies whose modus operandi is more emotional than physical will rarely harm another person physically. However, they will violate personal space (see below) and leverage any advantages (size, build, etc.) to make the other feel inferior.

Men who prey on women use physical intimidation all the time.

8. Passive-aggressiveness

Because most bullies are essentially cowards, they’ll routinely avoid direct confrontation. Instead, they’ll opt for a more passive, indirect approach.

Emotional bullies who display passive-aggressive behaviors will often procrastinate, manipulate, pout, or gossip in hopes of inflicting harm.

9. Ignoring boundaries

Susan Biali, a medical doctor, writes about her experience with a bully in Psychology Today:

“I remember physically shaking in the face of it all (thankfully it was over email). My heart was pounding. I backed down immediately. I let them have their plans. It just wasn’t worth it to fight, not when something as mild as suggesting compromise provoked this intense a response.”

Whether in-person, by email, or through someone else, bullies prey on perceived weakness.

Dealing with emotional bullying

The ‘S-I-R’ method (Stand up, Ignore, Report) represents three easy-to-remember steps in dealing with emotional bullies:

1. Stand up for yourself

This first tip is crucial.

Standing up for yourself is a tried-and-true technique, as it gives the person some unexpected (read: shocking) pushback.

The emotional bully may not completely change, but the odds of them backing off are in your favor.

2. Ignore them

If this is your first go-round with the jerk, consider the simple (yet powerful) silent treatment.

If they keep it up, consider one of the other tips.

3. Report it

The majority of workplaces and schools do not tolerate bullying, especially given the recent public awareness campaigns. Companies and other civic organizations are being forced to reevaluate and revamp their internal policies.

Sources:
http://people.com/celebrity/harvey-weinstein-scandal-gallery/paz-de-la-huerta/

Science Explains What Happens To Your Soul After Death

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

A few things fit the bill of fascinating, thought-provoking, and frightening. Death is one such thing.

Since the dawn of mankind, human beings have pondered the question “What happens after we die?” When you stop and think it, you quickly realize there are only two possible answers: something or nothing.

Of course, religion adds some nuance to the abovementioned question, but that’s pretty much it. Either something happens, or nothing happens. Either we are matter to be disposed of and recycled – or we aren’t.

Which one is it?

Well, if you were to ask Dr. Stuart Hameroff, something happens – and it involves consciousness.

“I believe that consciousness, or its immediate precursor proto-consciousness, has been in the universe all along, perhaps from the big bang.” ~ Dr. Stuart Hameroff, MD

Scientists Reveal What Happens To Your Soul After Death

What is consciousness?

The word ‘consciousness’ is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as:

a state of being awake and aware of one’s surroundings.
the awareness of perception of something by a person.
the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world.

Predictably, consciousness – like death – is heavily debated. Some believe that consciousness is the direct result of brain activity. Others think that outside forces, e.g., the ‘Universe,’ ‘God’ – and internal elements, e.g., the ‘Spirit,’ ‘Lifeforce,’ ‘Mind,’ etc., contributes to our state of being.

The Orch-OR Theory

Dr. Hameroff oversees the Center of Consciousness Studies at the University of Arizona and has spent the last 50-plus years exploring consciousness as it relates to the field of quantum mechanics.

Quantum mechanics is “a fundamental theory in physics which describes nature at the smallest scales of energy levels of atoms and subatomic particles.”

To explain just how essential quantum mechanics is to the perception of reality – and to Hameroff’s theory– let’s quickly talk about where it all began: The “Double-Slit Experiment.”

(We’ll get back to Orch-OR in a bit!)

The Double-Slit Experiment

Every quantum physicist is baffled by the double-slit experiment. And they have good reason to be –it defies natural law.

Here’s all you need to know about the experiment:

Light particles called photons pass through two slits (hence the name).
Photons, as researchers predict, form an ordered pattern on a wall. (To help you visualize this, imagine two vertical lines filled with little ‘pellet protons’ shooting onto a screen.)
When an observational device (a detector) detects which protons go through which slit, no pattern emerges (no more vertically-aligned pellet protons).
In other words, human observation (via a technical apparatus) alters the pattern.
The predicted energy pattern, as should be decided by natural law, instead produces no pattern whatsoever.

Anil Ananthaswamy of New Scientist – in a piece called “Classic quantum experiment could conceal theory of everything” explains the experiment and potential ramifications:

“Our classical view of the world suggests that photons of light should pass through one slit or the other, and thus create two parallel bands on the screen behind. But instead, the light spreads out onto alternating bands of light and dark … (the) iconic physics experiment may be hiding more than we ever realized about the nature of reality.”

“Quantum Consciousness”

What do the human mind and the Universe have in common?

The answer: two things.

(1) We know relatively little about them.

(2) Quantum vibrations are found in both.

Read that again. It’s important.

While the phrase “correlation does not imply causation” is played on a loop within the scientific community (for a good reason, BTW), there is no denying the relationship between the human mind and universe.

But what is that relationship, exactly?

Back to ‘Orch-OR’

In 1996, Dr. Hameroff and Roger Penrose, mathematician, and physicist, proposed the orchestrated objective reduction theory of consciousness, or the ‘Orch-OR’ theory.

According the Orch-OR theory, consciousness derives itself from tiny protein structures within the brain called microtubules.

On a physiological level, microtubules are the cell’s “conveyor belts.” They transport cellular resources and materials. Microtubules are also involved in cell division and the structuring of cells.

Microtubules also contain quantum energy.

“The origin of consciousness reflects our place in the universe, the nature of our existence. Did consciousness evolve from complex computations among brain neurons, as most scientists assert? Or has consciousness, in some sense, been here all along, as spiritual approaches maintain?”

Hameroff and Penrose answer their own rhetorical question:

“… our theory accommodates both these views, suggesting consciousness derives from quantum vibrations in microtubules, protein polymers inside brain neurons, which both govern neuronal and synaptic function, and connect brain processes to self-organizing processes in the fine scale, ‘proto-conscious’ quantum structure of reality.”

Bear in mind that the duo published their findings over twenty years ago. Since then, numerous technological advances (e.g., brain imaging and observational apparatuses) have taken place which appears to support Hameroff and Penrose’s theory.

Arch-OR and Death

The law of conservation of energy, resoundingly accepted by scientists, states that “energy can neither be created nor destroyed.”

Energy, however, can change forms. The energy within us must change forms. It’s the ‘law.’

Final Thoughts on Death and Quantum Energy

Quantum energy, the intrinsic energy that forms the universe’s very fabric, also resides within us. Indeed, it underscores our deep-rooted connections with the cosmos. This profound realization begs the question: Are we, as sentient beings, the direct manifestations of the Universe itself? Scientists continue to dive into our understanding of mortality through the lens of quantum energy. Thus, their research illuminates our existence’s potential vastness beyond the conventional constraints of life and death.

Do we ‘go home’ after shedding our bodily form, as Hamerof and Penrose seem to suggest? It certainly seems to be food for thought!

Psychologists Explain How To Forgive And Truly Let Go Of The Past

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Do you know how to truly forgive someone? The truth is…it’s not as simple as it sounds on the surface.

“When we’ve been treated deeply unfairly by others, we should have the tools to deal with that so the effects of that injustice don’t take hold in an unhealthy way.” ~ Dr. Robert Enright

We all know what it feels like to be wronged by someone.

We’ve all felt the pain of betrayal and the hurt of mistreatment.

Maybe one of the following scenarios happened in your life:

A cheating spouse
Your parent(s) neglected you.
A close friend lied to you.
Somebody disowned you.
Your peers made fun of you.

These things sucked then, and thinking of them sucks now, albeit to a lesser degree (hopefully).

EMOTIONS TIE TO WRONGDOING

Our reactions to being wronged are different. Some rely on their resolve, “picking up the pieces” (or say so, anyway); some are neutral – perhaps numb; others find it difficult to forgive and forget, or at least move on.

The emotions created from maltreatment can be ingrained into the psyche. The reason for the long-lasting effects of maltreatment is this: our brains are wired to create a memory in proportion to the emotional arousal of the situation. That is why letting go of anger can be so difficult.

Memory champions the world over talk about arousal, which is our brain’s innate tendency to remember things that are emotionally impactful.

Unfortunately, this “brain rule” applies to adverse events – including abuse and trauma. The rule also helps to explain why the emotions associated with maltreatment – anxiety, depression, fear, isolation, insomnia, etc. – may be long-lasting.

When experiencing negative emotions – such as anger, hurt, or sadness – it is essential to your psychological health to resolve them. So while you may not be able to simply “forgive and forget” you do need to figure out how to forgive in a way that helps you to move on. To do so takes time, effort, and emotional capital; but, in the long-term, you’re much better off mentally.

THE POWER OF DECIDING TO FORGIVE – AND WHY IT’S HARD

The act of forgiveness may just be the single most powerful antidote for the pain caused by others.

Forgiveness does not mean that you simply “forgive and forget.” Nor does forgiveness mean that you absolve the person of their actions.

Forgiveness, instead, is letting go of anger, and instead choosing to compassionately release the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense.

Yes, forgiveness is a choice. Yes, you can forgive yourself. But here’s the thing: while we may accept these statements on the surface, we often have trouble following through on the act of forgiveness – be it forgiving ourselves or someone else.

Why do we have this trouble? Because of our emotions. Because we rationalize things. After all, we are not responsible for their actions.

Maybe not, but you are responsible for yours. You’re responsible for your actions. Plus, you’re solely accountable for your emotions and thoughts.

You’re responsible for mitigating the damage inflicted. Ultimately, you are responsible for forgiveness.

But, even more importantly, you’re responsible for your happiness and peace of mind.

“HOW DO I FORGIVE THEM?”

According to Dr. Robert Enright, a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness, we can implement a four-phase model to help us learn how to forgive ourselves and others.

1. KNOW THAT FORGIVENESS IS POSSIBLE

Before we can learn how to forgive, we must first believe that forgiveness is possible. We must, at a minimum, accept the notion that forgiveness is a feasible solution to the problem.

2. MAKE THE CHOICE TO FORGIVE

“People should not be forced into forgiving,” Enright says, “I think it’s important that people are drawn to it.”

As mentioned, learning how to forgive doesn’t entail excusing someone or forgetting about their past behaviors. Understanding this – and forgiveness’ positive influence on your emotions – allows us to look at forgiveness in the right light.

3. MAKE A LIST

This step works by making a list of everyone – going back to childhood – who has harmed you in some way. After the list is created, prioritize by ordering the names starting with who has hurt you the most.

Start off by forgiving the individuals toward the bottom of the list and make your way up.

Take the time needed to process the emotion; you’ll know when it’s time to move to the next step.

4. EXPOSE THE ANGER

“[This step] is kind of a checklist,” Enright says. “How are you doing in terms of your anger? How have you been denying it? Are you angrier than you thought you were? What are the physical consequences of your anger?”

Enright concludes “Once you look at those effects (of your anger), the question becomes, Do you want to heal?”

5. MAKE THE COMMITMENT

After step 4, you’re ready to commit to the act of forgiveness. “Once people have completed phase one and seen how the effects of the anger have made them unhappy, there’s a tendency to give this a try,” says Enright.

6. CONSIDER THE OTHER PERSON

Now that you know how to forgive, this step is where the “work” of forgiving starts. It involves thinking about the person in a new way. Were they hurt in any way? If so, did their hurt possibly contribute to yours?

7. ACKNOWLEDGE THE OTHER PERSON’S HUMANITY

“You were both born, you will both die, you both bleed when you’re cut, you both have unique DNA and when you die there will never be another person like you. And given the humanity that you share with this person, is it possible that they might be just as special, unique, and irreplaceable as you are?” asks Enright.

8. SOFTENING YOUR HEART

Knowingly or unknowingly, the other person’s actions have hardened your heart a bit. Eventually, if you practice the type of forgiveness prescribed by Dr. Enright, you should begin to feel the healthy release and letting go of anger.

“It’s a tiny glimmering of compassion,” Enright states.

9. TAKE THE PAIN

It’s normal to feel strong emotions at this point. Enright says that there’s a dose of pain involved; but that this pain ultimately allows us to move on.

“(Pain) builds self-esteem because you’re saying, ‘If I can see the humanity in the one who didn’t see the humanity in me, and if I can soften my heart to the one who didn’t to me, then who am I as a person? I’m stronger than I thought.”

10. REFLECT AND DISCOVER

“Typically, people are more aware of the wounds in the world,” says Enright. “They become more patient with people who might be having a bad day; they see the people are walking around wounded all the time, and they’re generally more aware of others’ pain and want to be a conduit for good.”

There’s certainly a reflection period involved when the pain passes. You realize: (a) you’re stronger, and (b) you’re happier.

11. REPEAT THE PROCESS

Know how you started out with a list? Well, after a certain period, it’s time to get back after it.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEARNING TO FORGIVE

Sooner than you think, you’ll have forgiven the people who’ve hurt you. You will release the anger pent up inside of you. More importantly, you’ll enjoy a happier, stronger, more fulfilling life.

7 Habits of a Toxic Relationship (That People Think Are Healthy)

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Relationships can be a lot of work. While most of the time, relationships should be healthy and supportive, it’s still two people working together to create something. This means that not all relationships end up being healthy. Moreover, it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint exactly when a relationship is not healthy. In fact, several toxic traits and habits happen in an unhealthy relationship. However, most people seem to think they are healthy behaviors.

Understanding what is and isn’t toxic in a relationship means you’ll be able to see when parts of your relationship or others are no longer healthy. It’s also great to see the toxic parts and work to change them so your relationship becomes healthy again.

Here Are 7 Habits Of Toxic Relationships That Are Not Healthy

“Healthy relationships nourish and support us. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is like poison to us — instead of lifting us up, it makes us feel worse,” says marriage & family therapist and author Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT.

1. Conflict mistaken for passion is toxic

In many movies and television shows, the conflict between love interests is often mistaken as passion. In turn, the false notion can lead real people in their day-to-day lives to mistake conflict in their relationship as passion. Arguments and disagreements in relationships are standard, but screaming matches and everyday fighting isn’t.

Psychologist Harriet Lerner states, “Remember that happy couples are not couples that don’t fight. Rather they’re couples that fight fair and take responsibility for their own words and actions, no matter how furious they may feel inside.”

People seeking out conflict in their relationship for intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine they get after the fight is over. Of course, this is unhealthy for both partners.

2. Keeping the peace

It seems healthy to want to make sure your relationship stays peaceful, and no one gets upset. But if that comes at the cost of talking honestly to your partner about your feelings, and having to keep things to yourself to avoid arguments, then it’s an incredibly toxic habit that needs to be broken.

“Ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, or a good omen. But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better. It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship,” says author Kate Figes.

Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.

3. Keeping score

Wanting your relationship to be equal is a good step to ensuring it stays healthy. However, if you or your partner seem always to be keeping track of what you do, versus what they do … this is keeping score, and a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork. A relationship is like a partnership, so rather than keeping score, partners should sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what. It’s a great way to ensure the relationship is equal, without falling back on toxic habits.

4. Tit-for-tat is a toxic (and childish) game

When our partners tell us that something is bothering them or something that we did upset them, it’s natural to want to defend ourselves. Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to us telling our partners something equally wrong that they did to upset us – instead of listening to what they have to say.

Couples counselor David Waters says, “According to research, people who sneer, ridicule or talk down to their partner are on a fast track to relationship destruction.”

If your partner comes to you with something that you did that upset them, listening to what they have to say and talking through it is more important than defending yourself – or trying to come up with something worse than they did.

5. Never fighting is toxic

While most people think never fighting is the best way to have a relationship, it’s simply not feasible. There doesn’t need to be shouting matches or arguments every day, but having two people with two sets of values, opinions and thoughts mean that disagreements are bound to happen. When you have two people who never fight, you have two people who aren’t being entirely honest with one another. It’s okay to argue, as long as you do so fairly.

“Researchers have found that four conflict messages are able to predict whether couples remain together or get divorced: contempt, criticism, stonewalling (or withdrawal), and defensiveness. Together, they’re known as the ‘Four Horsemen of Divorce,” says Sean M. Horan, Ph.D., assistant professor of communication, Texas State University.

6. Needing to be “completed”

Another person is not supposed to “complete” anyone else. We are not people with holes inside of us. We are whole, complete people already. When we think that we need someone else, especially a romantic partner, to complete us and make us whole, it shows an unhealthy dependency on another person.

Couple’s therapist Matt Lundquist, LCSW says, “You are my everything’ is a lousy pop-song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be ‘everything’ to anyone. Create relationships outside The Relationship, or The Relationship isn’t going to work anymore.”

Placing that much importance on your partner to make you a whole and complete person means that your partner will feel too much pressure to stay with you, even if things aren’t working.

7. Jealousy is toxic

Everyone thinks feeling jealous is supposed to be sexy or romantic. But being jealous is a toxic behavior. We can’t control our feelings, and sometimes we get jealous over things. But it’s important not to express that jealousy in a way that can hurt our partners, or in a way that’s toxic and upsetting.

Professional matchmaker and dating coach Bonnie Winston says, “One sign your relationship is toxic is that you are filled with jealousy. You stalk [their] social media accounts looking at [their] friends and contacts and wonder about each pretty face [they’re] connected to. Jealousy is NOT a healthy emotion.”

It’s okay to express how you’re feeling. But you must recognize that it’s not healthy behavior and that it needs to be changed.

Final thoughts

All relationships take work! Even ones that sometimes display habits that seem to be healthy but are in reality, toxic. Understanding and recognizing these behaviors is the first step to changing the dynamic of the relationship. In turn, you can get things set on the right path.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/toxic-relationships/201703/is-your-relationship-toxic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201306/beware-mistaken-marriage-advice-all-couples-fight
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/relationship-advice-and-romance/11016984/Relationship-advice-five-experts-reveal-the-secrets-to-long-term-love.html
https://greatist.com/play/best-relationship-advice
https://www.bustle.com/p/is-my-relationship-toxic-11-signs-to-look-out-for-according-to-experts-74392

7 Signs Your Partner Wants to Spend Their Life With You

December 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Falling in love feels amazing. But relationships demand much hard work. Especially when a relationship is new, many people often wonder whether this wonderful moment of life will last. Even relationships that have lasted for quite some time can have insecurities of whether or not the relationship is meant to last.

Author Kate Figes says, “One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match. A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children. It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world.”

Fortunately, many people show some sign that they want to be with their partner forever. If you’re wondering how long your relationship will last, look at these signs that your partner wants to be with you for as long as possible.

7 Signs Your Partner Wants To Spend Their Life With You

“True love is not the number of kisses, or how often you get them; true love is the feeling that still lingers long after the kiss is over.” – Anonymous

1. They put your life needs first and theirs last

Of course, sometimes we have to put ourselves first because things in our lives are extremely important. But when your partner wants to be with you forever, they will make sure to put you first when it’s practical for them to do so.

Dating expert James Preece says, “If he chooses to see you rather than spend time with his friends, you know things are going well. If he’s willing to adjust his schedule to fit in time with you, then that’s even better. He loves being with you and feels most comfortable when you are together.”

They sacrifice things for you, and put your needs ahead of theirs. It shows that they want to be with you, and care about your needs.

2. They understand you

When your partner wants to be with you, they try to understand you. It’s not that they understand you magically without having to try – they put in the effort to understand your thoughts, emotions, opinions, and desires. They understand you on a level like no other, and they’re the only person who wants to understand you as deeply as they do. Being understood is a universally amazing feeling, especially by your partner.

3. Being with them is so easy that you know the love will last for life

Your relationship is full of laughter, love and fun. There’s no drama or games. Your partner communicates with you and makes it feel like being with them is easy. While it may almost feel too easy to be with him, you know that there’s no way you would trade that feeling for the world. It doesn’t mean that you never argue – just that your relationship lacks drama and upset.

Dating coach Patrick Banks summed it up pretty well. He notes, “There’s nothing more liberating than being in a relationship where you don’t have to wear a façade every time you meet. I mean, think about it, having to hide an annoying habit or two from your partner might seem like a minor hindrance in the short-term, but in the long haul it can end up driving you mad.”

4. They think the same way you do

While your thoughts and opinions don’t always align the same way, they’re complementary. They have the same way of thinking and values as you. You never feel afraid of telling your partner something or expressing an opinion because you know they accept and understand you. You can often give them a look and know exactly what they’re thinking.

Professor of psychology Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., says, “For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love.”

5. You trust them with all your heart

Your partner wanting to be with you means that they’ll never do anything to betray your trust, which means that you trust him with everything. You trust your partner to be genuine with you, and you trust your partner to keep all of your thoughts and secrets to themselves. The trust is, of course, mutual. You trust one another to be kind, supportive, and affectionate for the rest of your life together.

6. They make you feel comfortable

Your partner makes you feel a sense of comfort that you’ve never really known before. You feel relaxed and at home with them wherever you are. Even when you’re having a horrible day, your partner can make you feel like you’re on top of the world. They’re the exact person you want to see after a hard day, and you feel relaxed whenever you’re with them.

7. They make you better

More than this, they challenge you to become a better person for the rest of your life. They encourage you to be stronger, more courageous, kind, and attentive to the needs of yourself and the people around you.

“One of the greatest things about being in a healthy long-term relationship is that while you both accept each other for who you are, you aren’t shy about pushing your significant other to constantly improve themselves. You see, couples who never grow as individuals and human beings usually end up boring the hell out of each other until there’s no spark left in the relationship,” adds dating coach Banks.

You grow together to be stronger, better people without feeling judged or criticized. This is how you know that your partner is aiming to be with you forever.

Final Thoughts on Finding a Partner for Life

No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, wanting to know if your partner plans on being with you is a natural feeling. When your partner plans to be with you forever, your relationship will have all the work and effort it needs to put into it. Your partner will communicate with you, make sure you can trust them, and make you feel like you’ve never felt before. That’s how you know that your partner wants to be together forever.

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Why Did Researchers Perform This Study on Optimism?

Some basics of the optimism study

What did they find?

What does this all mean?

Final Thoughts on Optimism

Sources: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/282929.php https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/185/1/21/2631298/Optimism-and-Cause-Specific-Mortality-A?sid=7816bd15-60fd-491b-bd99-f2cd39646d10 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism

A Nationally Known Emotional Bully

Here are 9 common signs of bullying (and how to deal with it)

1. Aggression

2. Segregation

3. Blaming

4. Smearing

5. Conflict Avoidance

6. Instilling Fear

7. Physical intimidation

8. Passive-aggressiveness

9. Ignoring boundaries

Dealing with emotional bullying

1. Stand up for yourself

2. Ignore them

3. Report it

Sources: http://people.com/celebrity/harvey-weinstein-scandal-gallery/paz-de-la-huerta/

Scientists Reveal What Happens To Your Soul After Death

The Orch-OR Theory

The Double-Slit Experiment

“Quantum Consciousness”

Back to ‘Orch-OR’

Arch-OR and Death

Final Thoughts on Death and Quantum Energy

EMOTIONS TIE TO WRONGDOING

THE POWER OF DECIDING TO FORGIVE – AND WHY IT’S HARD

“HOW DO I FORGIVE THEM?”

1. KNOW THAT FORGIVENESS IS POSSIBLE

2. MAKE THE CHOICE TO FORGIVE

3. MAKE A LIST

4. EXPOSE THE ANGER

5. MAKE THE COMMITMENT

6. CONSIDER THE OTHER PERSON

7. ACKNOWLEDGE THE OTHER PERSON’S HUMANITY

8. SOFTENING YOUR HEART

9. TAKE THE PAIN

10. REFLECT AND DISCOVER

11. REPEAT THE PROCESS

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEARNING TO FORGIVE

Here Are 7 Habits Of Toxic Relationships That Are Not Healthy

1. Conflict mistaken for passion is toxic

2. Keeping the peace

3. Keeping score

4. Tit-for-tat is a toxic (and childish) game

5. Never fighting is toxic

6. Needing to be “completed”

7. Jealousy is toxic

Final thoughts

7 Signs Your Partner Wants To Spend Their Life With You

1. They put your life needs first and theirs last

2. They understand you

3. Being with them is so easy that you know the love will last for life

4. They think the same way you do

5. You trust them with all your heart

6. They make you feel comfortable

7. They make you better

Final Thoughts on Finding a Partner for Life

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Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

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Us

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

Sources:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/282929.php
https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/185/1/21/2631298/Optimism-and-Cause-Specific-Mortality-A?sid=7816bd15-60fd-491b-bd99-f2cd39646d10
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism

Sources:
http://people.com/celebrity/harvey-weinstein-scandal-gallery/paz-de-la-huerta/

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist