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15 Hidden Causes of Weight Gain

October 16, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Too many in society today obsess over their body image, striving for perfection. Panic can ensue at even minor weight gain–at the expense of your mental well-being.

Why? Our society is infatuated with body image. The next time you’re at the store, pick up (don’t purchase, please!) a tabloid newspaper or some senseless magazine and flip through the pages.

Shirts off? Bikini shots? Cellulite? All the above?

Yeah, that’s the type of nonsense millions of people consume each day they log in to their favorite apps.

Never mind that photographers probably edited or applied filters to those images. Never mind, these stores are illusions – a fake world. A world that makes us want more. Consume more. Buy more. Have more. Welcome to the mindless world of mass media.

See, the people who head up these companies aren’t interested in facts. No, they care about a little thing called clicks.

They care about the number of people who ultimately check out with their hastily-produced garbage. (Which “happen” to be placed at the checkout counters.)

The result of all this misinformation? Ignorance – about body shape, dieting, exercise, and what we “should” do or not do.

The Consequences of Obsessing Over Weight Gain

Let’s use a fictional illustration as an example. Suzy is a bright, sweet 14-year-old girl who’s moderately overweight. Some of her classmates – and even some of her friends – poke fun at her. As a result, her self-esteem has hit, and she’s a bit depressed.

While visiting the local library, Suzy stumbles upon a magazine with the words “Lose 15 pounds in 30 days!” she moves on. “Too good to be true,” she wisely says to herself.

The teasing continues, and Suzy breaks down. She’s now desperate for answers, willing to try anything.

She doesn’t bother heading back to the library. She takes five dollars out of her savings drawer and buys the publication at the local supermarket. Suzy diligently works the “program” – in the end, she loses little, if any, weight. The cycle continues.

The “lesson” about weight gain

Sadly, there are millions of Suzy’s in the world. From childhood to adolescence and beyond, we view this input daily. Bear in mind that the “mature” brain isn’t formed until around age 25, according to new research. Can you imagine the toll this weight loss crap has on our kids?

While our adult ‘B.S. meter’ is finely-tuned, we’re not immune to misinformation, exaggerated claims, and false promises either. Food and exercise are not the only things that contribute to one’s weight. Genetics, health problems, age, and gender all play a part. And this isn’t even half of it!

15 Hidden Causes of Weight Gain (and how to fix each!)

Of course, you must balance a healthy self-image and reaping the health benefits of reaching your ideal weight. No judgment here! But knowing these causes of weight gain can help you drop a few pounds if you choose.

1. “Low-Fat” Foods

Nutrition scientist Lisa Miles: “In some cases, low-fat foods contain high sugar levels. High sugar foods can also contain many calories and contribute to weight gain.”

Fix: Read the labels. Pay attention to the calories and sugar. Many “low-fat” foods have more than alternatives.

2. Weight Gain Goes With Too Much Sitting

Television is the main reason behind a sedentary (inactive) lifestyle. We’re also more likely to snack on unhealthy foods while watching the tube.

Fix: Rethink your ‘couch time.’ Make a two-part pact with yourself: (1) for every hour of watching T.V. You must do 15 minutes of exercise. (2) You must drink 16 ounces of water for each hour of T.V. time. You’ll be surprised at the results.

3. Burning the Midnight Oil Might Cause Weight Gain

Research shows that lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain.

According to Michael Braus, Ph.D., a sleep specialist: “The more sleep-deprived you are, the higher your levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which increases your appetite.”

Fix: Get 7-9 hours of shut-eye each night. Indeed, it would be best if you were getting no more and no less than this number of sleep per night. The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) has repeatedly confirmed this time allowance for rest.

4. Increasing Portions

The World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) study has found that hamburgers have doubled in size since 1980.

It is not just burgers, either. Of course, portion sizes of pretty much everything – excluding vegetables and fruits – have increased in supermarkets and restaurants.

Speaking of 1980: “4.8 percent of men and 7.9 percent of women were obese.”

These rates have since doubled.

Fix: Aim for fullness, choosing foods with high fiber and lean protein.

5. Medications

Some prescription drugs – such as those used to treat depression, high blood pressure, diabetes, and seizures, can add on some sneaky LBS/KG’s!

Fix: First, do not abruptly quit a medication without consulting your doctor or health professional. Inquire about tapering or slowly weaning off of the drug. If this is not possible, inquire about weight-neutral alternatives. Most importantly, seek a second opinion!

6. Stress Contributes to Weight Gain

Cynthia Sass, MPH, and Registered Dietitian, writes:

“We’ve known for a while that stress is connected to weight gain because a high level of the stress hormone cortisol has been shown to up appetite, drive cravings for junk food, and make it oh so much easier to accumulate belly fat.”

Recent studies also show that stress can screw with your metabolism—a double-whammy.

Fix: Learn a quick breathing exercise. Find somewhere comfortable to sit. Sit in an erect posture and bring your chest forward, allowing your shoulders to fall back. Relax your gaze and rest your hands on your lap. Breathe with your abdomen, allowing your belly to expand on inhalation and contract on expiration.

Inhale through your nose to the count of four. Exhale to the count of six. Believe us; this is magic when done correctly. (There’s a bunch of science behind ‘diaphragmic breathing,’ too!)

7. Dieting

Piles of research show that dieting is not the answer. Why?

Most people (over 90 percent) regain their original weight within a year.
Weight fluctuation is terrible for your mental and physical health.
An increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure.

Fix: Lifestyle it. “It’s a lifestyle” is super cliché and annoying, but also super true. Change your lifestyle by starting small. Eventually, you will exercise habitually, lay off the processed crap, and become a healthier you! And be gentle with your self-discipline. You’ll get there!

8. Artificial Sweeteners

Many of those trying to lose weight opt for artificial sweeteners because they’re calorie-free. However, artificial sweeteners can cause you to gain weight. While you might think diet soda is the way to go, it won’t help with your weight loss efforts.

Fix: Instead, drink fortified water or other healthy beverages. You can also sweeten things using natural ingredients that don’t contain additives.

9. Eating Too Quickly Can Cause Weight Gain

Take your time while eating because eating too fast can cause weight gain. If you take less than 20 minutes to eat a meal, try to slow down next time. Eating too fast can cause you to take in more calories as it takes your mind twenty minutes to receive the signal that you’re satisfied.

Fix: If you struggle to eat slower, try to center yourself before it’s time to eat. Take a few deep breaths so you can feel calm while you eat. Sitting your utensil down between bites will also help you eat slower. If possible, socialize while you eat. It forces you to take breaks between bites, allowing you to eat slower and process when you’re getting full.

When you’re snacking, eat one piece at a time. Don’t grab a handful, even if you tell yourself you’ll eat it slowly. Pick up one piece at a time, and don’t rush to grab another.

10. Being Afraid to Say No

When someone asks if you want a treat, or pushes you to consume high-calorie food, don’t be afraid to say no. Your good manners might be a hidden cause of weight gain. Once you say no, stick to that answer and don’t cave no matter how many times they ask.

Fix: Don’t be afraid to leave food on your plate in social situations. Even if someone else took the time to make the food, you don’t have to finish every bite. It’s easy to go overboard when you’re afraid of offending someone, but you don’t have to.

When you regularly stick to your answer and stop eating when you’re satisfied, people will get used to it. They might push you at first, but eventually, they’ll know it’s normal for you. It won’t take them long to learn to respect your decision and stop trying to force you.

11. Hypoactive Thyroid

Your thyroid is essential for hormone regulation and using energy for good. When the levels are low, it means that your thyroid is underactive. If this happens to you, it can be challenging to lose weight, and you might quickly gain.

Fix: Seek your doctor’s advice. A hypoactive thyroid requires medical treatment, so you’ll want to see a doctor immediately. If you think you might have an underactive thyroid, you might also experience the following symptoms:

Dry skin
Depression
Frequently feeling cold
Hair loss
Constipation
Low energy

12. Alcohol Intake

Alcohol has lots of calories, but research shows that’s not the only reason it can cause weight gain. When you consume it in large amounts, it makes your body less able to burn fat. It also interferes with your ability to sense that you’re full, so you’re more likely to overeat.

Fix: Limit (or eliminate) your alcohol consumption for better health and to stop this sneaky weight gain.

13. Going Through Menopause

There are a few reasons going through menopause can cause weight gain. Your body produces less estrogen during menopause, causing more fat to form around your belly.

Sleep problems, mood swings, and hot flashes interfere with regular exercise and healthy eating. You won’t feel like getting moving, and you’re more likely to reach for sugary food when you’re tired.

Fix: Talk with your doctor about how you can stabilize your hormones during this phase of your life.

14. Retaining Fluid

When your body retains water, it can cause weight gain. Women with premenstrual syndrome often experience this situation, with the increase occurring several days before their period. Some other reasons for fluid retention include:

Too much salt
Hormone replacement therapy
Standing for too long
Blood pressure medication
Health conditions

Fix: To prevent or alleviate fluid retention, start drinking more water to flush your system. Additionally, cut back on salt, and make sure to move around throughout the day. If the retention doesn’t ease within a few days, see a doctor to rule out health conditions.

15. Frequently Eating Out Causes Weight Gain

When you eat out, the meals are often larger portion sizes, causing you to take in extra calories. Plus, the meals are full of saturated fats and salt. While the food might be delicious, it leads to you gaining weight while also filling your body with unhealthy ingredients.

Fix: Request a take-away box to come to the table with your food. Before you start eating, divide up half and put it in the box to enjoy another meal.

Breaking the Habits That Cause Weight Gain

If you experience any hidden causes of weight gain, it’s time to make a beneficial change. Start by breaking the habits that cause you to gain weight, and then form new habits to replace them.

Change the Way You Think

Rather than telling yourself that you’re going on a diet, try to think of the situation differently. Instead, tell yourself that you’re implementing healthier habits. This shift in your thought process gives you a better chance of breaking your bad habits.

When you change the way you think, it becomes a lifestyle change instead of only being temporary. You’ll form beneficial habits that last a lifetime.

Don’t Rely Solely on Self-Control

Many people think that maintaining or losing weight requires willpower. However, you can’t rely on willpower alone because you’ll break at some point. Your best bet is to eliminate as many desires as possible, helping you develop good habits without fighting temptation.

Take some time to think about your biggest triggers, and you can learn to avoid them. Removing them from your life prevents you from giving in, but it also stops you from stressing about the trigger.

If you have them in your home, get rid of them so that your willpower doesn’t break during a moment of weakness. Likewise, if the vending machines at your work get you every time, stop walking past them. Avoid the break room if you know you can’t pass on the donuts or other snacks inside.

Work For Your Treats

If you want to have a treat, make yourself do something beneficial first. For example, go to the gym to earn a chocolate bar. Or, go for a walk if you want to eat take out for dinner that night.

When you make yourself do something beneficial before consuming something unhealthy, it’ll help you form good habits. It forces you to do things you might not want to do, helping you look forward to it and get it done.

Give Yourself Visual Reminders

Sometimes a visual reminder is all it takes to help you break bad habits. Write on a sticky note and put it on your mirror to remind yourself to start the day on a positive note.

Another idea is to leave fruits and vegetables on your counter, so you see them each time you walk into the kitchen. When you see the healthy options first, you’ll be more likely to choose them over other foods.

Force Yourself to Walk Farther

Forcing yourself to walk gets you moving and ensures you don’t stay sedentary. Park farther away at the grocery store so that you have to get more distance in. If you live close enough, consider walking to the store and leaving your car at home.

When you continually make yourself walk farther, it’ll become a beneficial habit in your life. Consistency is essential, so force yourself even when you don’t feel like it.

Avoid Mindless Munching

When you eat while doing another activity, it’s considered mindless munching. Anytime you eat, you should be mindful and pay attention to your intake.

Put your phone down, turn the TV off, or pull the car over. These activities stand in your way of mindful eating and can cause you to gain weight.

Another way to avoid mindless munching is to stop eating straight from a container. Don’t eat while standing in front of the pantry or refrigerator, either, as it causes overeating. It’s best to measure portion sizes, allowing you to know when you’re done rather than guessing or reaching for a little more.

Eliminate Sugary Beverages

Aside from the taste, there are no benefits to sugary beverages. You don’t need them for the taste, either, as you can find other delicious sugar-free drinks. Even one soda a day can cause weight gain, so it’s best to avoid it entirely.

Water is your best option, and you can infuse it with fruit to make it taste better. Unsweetened teas are also a good option, and you can sweeten them naturally. Be wary of coffee creamer, too, because many contain lots of sugar.

Fill Up on Vegetables

When you fill up on vegetables, you don’t have as much room left for junk food. If you aren’t used to eating many veggies, you can start small and incorporate them into one meal. Start with lunch, and add them to another meal each week.

Eat the vegetables at the beginning of your meal, and you won’t have to fill up on carbs and sugars. You’ll end up eating fewer calories and avoiding weight gain.

Don’t Take Random Bites

If you have kids, you might want to finish the last bit of their food. Or, if there’s only a little bit of dessert left at a party, you might justify having a taste. However, every time you take random bites, it increases your calorie intake.

Final Thoughts on the Hidden Causes of Weight Gain

You might be surprised to know all of the hidden causes of weight gain. Once you know the issues, you can work to correct them in your life. Eliminate bad habits and develop a healthier lifestyle.

When you make beneficial changes, you’ll begin losing or maintaining weight. Plus, you’ll feel better overall when you take in more nutrition and eliminate unhealthy ingredients. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your mental health. Be sure you are trying to lose these extra pounds for the right reasons–better physical health and increased energy–and not because of some unfair societal standard. Understand how to reverse your weight gain because you LOVE yourself.

5 Signs You’re In A Sexually Abusive Relationship

October 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

The tragedy of sexual abusive relationships

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest Network (RAINN), a person is sexually abused every 68 seconds in the United States. Every 8 minutes, the victim is an underage person.

Only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators of sexual abuse are jailed or imprisoned. Statistics are helpful to a point, but there is no number – no words – that can adequately describe the tragedy that is sexual abuse.

And sexual abuse is not always apparent. Many abusers are cunning manipulators. It isn’t uncommon for a victim of sexual abuse to experience a period of self-admonishment; faulting themselves for not recognizing the abuse.

Especially in a romantic partnership.

Who would suspect their partner to commit such an atrocity? The truth is that sexual abuse by intimate partners is far more prevalent than most people realize.

If you happen to be within this group, it is essential that you understand it is not your fault. Again, it is not your fault.

“Sexual narcissism can be defined as a grandiose sense of one’s sexual prowess which, in the mind of the sexual narcissist, entitles him or her to engage in acts of emotional and physical manipulation at the partner’s expense.” ~ Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.

5 Signs of You Are With a Sexually Abusive Partner

1. Anxiety

Most people who suffer from anxiety disorders don’t know why. However, for sexual abuse victims, this tension is directly attributable to the loss of bodily sovereignty. In other words, the sense of control over their own body has been taken away.

In the context of a partnership, this anxiety will surface often; including before, during, and after intercourse. Some victims become fearful and may suffer panic attacks, agoraphobia, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.)

2. Depression

This sign is also related to the loss of bodily autonomy. Victims usually develop some degree of depression; they may feel despondent, hopeless, or suffer from an impaired sense of self-worth. These feelings often range from mild to debilitating. Consider this finding by psychologist Ellen McGrath:

“In almost every case of significant adult depression, some form of abuse was experienced in childhood, either physical, sexual, emotional or, often, a combination.”

3. A sense of Inferiority

Abusers who target their partner do so out of the need to feel superior and in control – this is the narcissistic side of sexual abuse.

Every action of the abuser stems from their own inadequacies and insecurity. As such, it is common for the abuser to “target their partners for ridicule, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization,” says Preston Ni.

Imparting a sense of inferiority is outright emotional abuse which, subsequently, becomes sexual abuse.

4. Fear of Reprisal

Fear of retaliation often stems from being uncomfortable about the situation. For example, we’re all a bit hesitant when trying something new in the bedroom; but engaging in a sexual act and feeling uncomfortable with it, and becoming fearful at the thought of telling your partner about your discomfort are two entirely different things.

It’s a sign of emotional and sexual abuse.

5. Lack of Pleasure

Sex should be intimate, loving, and fun. Under normal circumstances, two adults engage in sex because it’s enjoyable. For the victim of sexual abuse, there is no pleasure to be had from sex with their “partner.”

When a person is too absorbed in their own satisfaction, they inevitably demonstrate little to no concern for others’ well-being. It becomes impossible, then, to obtain pleasure from any romantic activity, sex or otherwise.

6. Unwanted or Nonconsensual Sexual Contact

If you’re in a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may try to initiate sexual contact without your consent. This demonstrates a complete lack of respect or care for you as a human being, much less a partner in a relationship. Sexual abusers don’t care about the other person’s needs, however, as long as they can fulfill their own twisted desires.

Just because you’re in an intimate relationship with this person, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to say ‘yes’ to them every time. If they still don’t listen after you turn them down, this is a clear sign of sexual abuse.

7. Your Partner Demands Intimacy Even When You’re Sick or Tired

If your partner regularly disregards your feelings when it comes to sex, this means they’re only in it for themselves. A caring, loving partner would obviously understand when you’re not in the mood, especially if you feel sick or tired. However, in a sexually abusive relationship, the abuser only cares about meeting their needs. To them, you’re just making an excuse to justify your lack of interest.

8. Holding You Down or Restraining You During Sex

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may attempt to pin you down or restrain you during sexual acts. This is their way of exerting control and power over you to maintain their superiority. It’s fine if you agree to this beforehand and you’re in a stable, healthy relationship. However, an abusive relationship is one-sided, rooted in domination, insecurity, and self-gratification.

9. Normalizing the Behavior

The first few times it happens, you may excuse your partner’s behavior as a strange phase or mistake. Maybe you think things will go back to normal and try to forget about the abuse. However, a sexual abuser doesn’t have boundaries and won’t accept being told ‘no.’ Any attempt to reason with them will just be met with aggression or silent treatment.

They will instead gaslight you, making you believe that they’re the victim in all this. If you remain in a sexually abusive relationship, you may start to tolerate the abuse as it seems normal to you. Unfortunately, this game of deception was part of the abuser’s plan all along.

10. Your Partner Calls You Degrading or Disrespectful Names

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner will feel entitled to disrespect you both verbally and physically. A relationship rarely involves only one form of abuse since the perpetrator craves total domination over their partner. They may become angry or frustrated when you don’t do as they say, and misuse their power by yelling or calling you names.

They may also bring up any negative sexual encounters from your past to further lower your self-esteem. The sexual abuser wants to disempower their victims to make them easier to control.

11. In A Sexually Abusive Relationship, Your Partner Will Force You To Do Things You’re Uncomfortable With

Another warning sign of a sexually abusive relationship is your partner disregarding your boundaries and bodily autonomy. It doesn’t matter if you’re uncomfortable with what they’re suggesting; they still expect you to cater to their desires. Remember, it’s all about their pleasure; to them, you’re simply a means to satisfy their needs.

12. They Will Act Jealous and Controlling

Many women in sexually abusive relationships report having partners who are emotionally abusive as well. According to a survey by the National Institute of Justice, “women whose partners were jealous, controlling, or verbally abusive were significantly more likely to report being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by their partners.” Having a verbally abusive partner predicted that women would suffer sexual abuse more than any other variable.

Statistics About Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in five U.S. women will become rape victims in her lifetime. In addition, nearly 50% of women and 20% of men will experience sexual violence in other ways besides rape. Sadly, sexual assault in relationships is far more common than people realize, as these sobering statistics reveal.

Intimate violence that occurs in sexually abusive relationships causes physical injury more often than with strangers or acquaintances.
Between 14% and 25% of women will experience sexual assault by partners in a relationship.
Between 40% and 45% of women in abusive relationships will also become victims of sexual violence during the relationship.
Over 50% of women raped by a sexually abusive partner experience multiple sexual assaults by the same partner.
Women in sexually abusive relationships are at a higher risk of intimate partner homicide than non-sexually abused women.
Victims of intimate partner sexual abuse have a high risk of developing severe, chronic physical and mental health conditions, similar to other rape victims. They have higher rates of depression and anxiety than both women raped by a non-intimate partner as well as victims of physical, non-sexual abuse.
Between 10% and 14% of married women will experience rape at some point during their marriage.
18% of female victims of marital rape report that their children witnessed the crime.
Most victims of marital rape never report the crime, unfortunately. Only 36% of all rape victims ever go to the police for help; among them, only about 25% of married women report spousal rape to police.

Get Support With Your Sexually Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you know is the victim of sexual abuse, please contact local law enforcement or the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Here’s what you can expect when calling NSATH:

Confidential support from a trained staff member
Support finding a local health facility that is trained to care for survivors of sexual assault and offers services like sexual assault forensic exams
Someone to help you talk through what happened
Local resources that can assist with your next steps toward healing and recovery
Referrals for long term support in your area
Information about the laws in your community
Basic information about medical concerns

Final Thoughts on Getting Help in A Sexually Abusive Relationship

No one deserves to remain in an abusive relationship of any kind, but many victims stay out of fear or lack of resources. However, please know that if you’re experiencing abuse in a relationship, you can get help and leave your abuser. A happier, safer life awaits you beyond this relationship, where you no longer have to live with constant anxiety and terror.

If you need help immediately, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) and the will direct you to a local domestic violence program. They will provide support and encouragement, and help you formulate an action plan to get out of an abusive situation.

10 Signs You’re Giving Too Much In A Relationship

October 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Are you often a giving person…more than what you receive in return?

“Never make someone a priority when all they are to you is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou

A quick question…

Have you ever tried – and failed – to take advantage of someone?

What caused you to fail? Perhaps you couldn’t go through, were lacking confidence, or – more than likely – had a guilty conscience.

You see, most people aren’t okay with the idea of using someone. It’s against their moral code; their inner-being. And, when they do try to take some liberties – even if it’s with a person they don’t like – a nagging sense of inner resistance kicks in.

You may have failed; but – in terms of good character – you succeeded.

The “10 percent rule” applies here. In this case, the 10 percent comprises the individuals who feel no guilt, remorse, or shame in manipulating someone for their benefit.

Are you giving too much?

A person who gives too much doesn’t always do so on purpose.

There are genuinely benevolent “angels-amongst-us” types – and they’ll give until it hurts. They’ll ask for little in return.

Here’s the thing, my friend: you aren’t doing yourself any favors. You certainly are not doing the other person favors by caving to their manipulation, willingly or unwillingly.

A balance of power shouldn’t exist in a relationship. Relationships – whether intimate, platonic, familial, or friendship – are not a competition. There shouldn’t be a “winner” and a “loser.”

Be aware of the following ten signs that you may be giving too much – and them too little – in a relationship:

1. They know everything

Ever seen the movie ‘Clueless’ with Alicia Silverstone? If so, you probably remember the redhead who Silverstone’s character and her snooty friend decide to “include” in their circle.

When the redheaded misfit joins Silverstone’s “crew,” she’s eventually taken aback by the unabashed egotism. When she objects to anything, she’s quickly rebuffed, and told – in a sense – that “this is how things are.”

Don’t be the redheaded friend.

2. They aren’t there when you need them

Yeah, this one’s kinda obvious, hopefully. You’d think, for everything you’ve done, that they’d occasionally return a favor or have your back, right?

Common courtesy is uncommon for some people. You’re probably giving too much if they somehow conveniently “forget” about – or outright disregard – the things you’ve done.

In fact, you may not even hear a simple “Thank you.” If that’s the case, good luck trying to get help from them.

3. You always initiate communication

When you’re not “needed,” they don’t want to talk, and when they don’t want to talk, just leave them alone. (And find some peace!)

Most communication that does take place originates from you. Being the kind person you are, you’ll try to establish and maintain contact out of genuine cordiality.

It’s too bad the other person had no interest in doing the same.

4. They show a lack of empathy

In a relationship, empathy – at its core – is an expression of love. Not displaying compassion is a sure sign that either (a) you were never really considered a friend, or (b) they’ve lost themselves at some point.

Either way, an inability to walk in the shoes of a friend is a major character defect.

5. You’re giving too much if you always upend your own needs

This one’s hardly surprising. When taking care of someone else’s needs takes precedence over taking care of your own, it’s self-neglect.

If you’re ignoring your own needs, it’s crucial to ask yourself, “Why?” Unless this person is your child, there is no acceptable answer.

6. You’re always the “first call”…

When they need something.

7. But quickly ignored

When everything is fine.

Do you remember the cliques from high school? Smart kids would hang out with smart kids, athletes with athletes, shy kids with shy kids.

You know what’s strange? In almost every clique, there’s one member who’s almost always ignored. Sociological research has found that there’s an “outcast” in every group; one who helps maintain group harmony at the expense of personal happiness.

8. You’re put in the thick of things

If your “friend” is fighting with someone, you feel obligated to take their side. Though you’d strongly prefer to maintain a sense of neutrality – especially considering the affronts of your “friend” – you fear the repercussions.

Mostly, you fear isolation.

9. You’re giving too much if you can’t get a word in

Pardon. But this one is annoying as he**.

People who talk over others are some of the most infuriating individuals alive.

This one also has a simple solution. If your friend/partner/whatever doesn’t respect you enough to lend an ear, get out of there.

10. They always seem to be telling a lie

You know the saying “Trust takes a long time to create, a short time to destroy”?

Well, your friend has torpedoed their trustworthiness. And you know the sad thing?

They could care less.

Final Thoughts on Giving Too Much in a Relationship

Remember that 10 percent rule we discussed in the introduction?

Sadly, the 10 percent rule applies a second time: for those who willingly allow others to take advantage.

Do yourself an enormous favor. Please. Just. Stop.

Know your worth. And, if you don’t know, ask. This is a time when it’s perfectly acceptable to seek external validation. Ask your real friends or family what they love about you!

Here are some uplifting words to end this article on a positive and peaceful note:

“Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.” ~ The Buddha

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Sources:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lady-goodman/2014/01/9-signs-you-do-too-much-for-your-friends/
https://www.bolde.com/12-signs-youre-giving-more-ever-get-out-relationship/

Researchers Explain 10 Benefits of Eating Chocolate Every Day

October 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Most people love to eat chocolate. Contrary to popular belief, and this treat isn’t bad for you either. It just depends on what type of chocolate you are consuming.

Every bar is certainly not created equal. Some candy bars are laden with sugar, while others are merely flavored products filled with preservatives. That being said, some specific types of chocolate – especially of the dark variety – do have health benefits that are worth considering.

Chocolate originates from the cacao bean, which is filled with nutrients and antioxidants.

In Latin, the word for the cacao tree translates to “food of the gods.” Chocolate certainly tastes divine in drinks, desserts, and candies. And if the decadent taste isn’t a good enough reason to eat it every day, its health benefits are a good reason.

Here are ten benefits of eating chocolate you may not know.

Are all chocolate bars healthy?

Not all candy bars are created equal. Some are loaded with sugar and other fillers. The best choice is to eat dark chocolate with 70% cacao to guarantee you’re getting the best health benefits. Other things to look for when you’re choosing a sweet treat include the following:

Avoid milk chocolate: Milk chocolate does not provide the same health benefits as dark varieties because it contains a lot of sugar. Read the label on the bar carefully. If it lists milk and sugar first, opt for another product instead.
Eat a small amount: Although dark chocolate is good for you, you should eat no more than an ounce a day. This treat is high in calories, which will cause you to gain weight if you overeat. Think of it as a tiny dessert after lunch or dinner.
Hot cocoa: Try adding powdered cocoa to skim milk for a low-fat drink. Add a little honey to sweeten it, if needed.

How is chocolate made?

Once picked from the cacao tree, the cocoa seeds or beans roast and ground into a paste, then turned into liquor. This liquor contains a large number of cocoa solids and butter. Chocolate is made by combining cocoa liquor with cocoa butter and sugar. How much cocoa liquor is used will determine how dark the chocolate will be. Milk chocolate is made with powdered or condensed milk added to the chocolate mixture. In the United States, milk chocolate contains around 10% to 12% cocoa liquid. Bittersweet or semi-sweet chocolate has about 35% cocoa liquid. Both cocoa butter and cocoa solids contain fatty acids, minerals, vitamins, polyphenols, and fiber.

10 Surprising (but science-backed!) benefits of eating chocolate every day.

Do you need an incentive to indulge in this sweet treat? Scientists agree that this treat benefits your health if you enjoy it in moderation.

1. Chocolate has anti-inflammatory benefits

Cocoa has two phenolic antioxidants called flavanols and epicatechin. These two antioxidants in chocolate help fight inflammation in your body. Chronic inflammation in your body contributes to many health problems like heart disease, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, age-related macular degeneration, Alzheimer’s disease, and Parkinson’s disease. The epicatechin in cocoa is especially beneficial to fight these inflammatory types of conditions.

2. Take advantage of heart-healthy nutrition

According to one study by the National Institute of Health, regularly eating dark chocolate improves your cardiovascular health. This study revealed that eating small amounts of dark chocolate, around 20 grams a day, helped lower specific proteins that can build up in your body and cause a higher risk of heart problems such as high blood pressure.

3. Chocolate is good for your skin

The flavanols in dark chocolate have been proven to protect your skin from the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays (UVA). Flavanols also boost the blood flow to your skin. Eating a little bit of dark chocolate each day will help your skin stay younger, looking with fewer wrinkles due to the sun’s rays. Estheticians love conducting cocoa bean skincare treatments for these three reasons:

Providing a natural moisturizer: Cocoa beans have a lot of cocoa butter in them. Thus, cocoa butter products help keep your skin hydrated.
Protects from damage: Chocolate not only filters UVA rays but also contains vitamins D, A, E, C, and B1.
Reduces skin irritation: Cocao is gentle on the skin. It can soothe irritation and even helps people with sensitive skin.

4. Improve your brain’s health

Researchers believe that eating dark chocolate could improve your brain function, especially your memory. A study found there were significant changes in an individual’s brain activity after eating dark chocolate. An MRI showed that eating a small dose of dark chocolate increased the brain’s blood flow. The results also showed that eating a tiny amount of dark chocolate could help reverse the effects of sleep deprivation and improve these individuals’ performance. What better way to help your brain than eating a little dark chocolate during your day?

5. Maintain a healthier weight

Believe it or not, eating some dark chocolate every day can help you stay slim. Every day you get bombarded with all kinds of unhealthy food choices. Keeping your weight down takes a lot of effort and self-control. Dark chocolate, eaten in small amounts, can take the edge off your desire for something sweet, especially after a meal.

You can satisfy your sweet tooth without guilt, knowing the chocolate you’re eating is healthy for you. Dark chocolate can also give you a little energy boost, which encourages you to be more active and productive.

Experts explain the healthful benefits of eating chocolate cake for breakfast.

6. Chocolate improves your mood

Studies show that there is some evidence that eating dark chocolate can reduce depression symptoms. Dark chocolate contains compounds that stimulate the release of beneficial chemicals in your brain called endorphins. Endorphins are responsible for improving your mood and making you feel happier, similar to what exercise or laughter does for your brain. It makes sense that chocolate improves your mood since it’s often the first thing you reach for when you want comfort. Fortunately, you can reach for chocolate without worry because it’s scientifically proven to boost your mood.

7. Flavanols in the cocoa bean may prevent diabetes

A 2017 study uncovered some surprising results.

Eating a bit of this treat every day will improve the way your body metabolizes glucose. This, in turn, helps maintain the right amount of insulin levels in your body, which helps prevent diabetes. The flavonoids in dark vaireties are thought to reduce oxidative stress, which affects insulin resistance. When your body is more sensitive to insulin, the resistance gets reduced, so your disease risk goes down. Eating chocolate consistently produces the best results.

8. Chocolate is good for your hair

Cocoa butter is a healthy veggie fat derived from cocoa beans. The creamy butter is made by fermenting the beans, then pressing them.

Cocoa butter is used in lotions, creams, shampoos, and conditioners. Cocoa butter is nourishing for your hair. Plus, the flavanols in the cocoa bean stimulate blood flow to the scalp. Read shampoo and conditioner labels to be sure you’re getting real cocoa butter, not an artificially made substitute.

9. Chocolate may help fight cancer

Researchers believe that cocoa bean flavonoids may guard against getting certain types of cancer. Two of the most significant flavonoids are epicatechin and quercetin. Both of these antioxidants help fight toxins and free radicals that affect your body. Researchers are still learning what amount of chocolate is needed to help prevent cancer. Hopefully, they will find ways to use chocolate to help fight cancer.

10. Boost your energy levels and fight fatigue

Regularly eating dark varieties will improve your energy levels. Cacao has properties that will enhance your blood flow to give added energy. When you have an increased blood flow, it improves the oxygen flow to your heart and muscles. Cocoa beans also contain caffeine, which can boost your energy level. The good news is that although there are caffeine and some sugar in dark chocolate, it won’t give you an energy crash like some foods do.

5 Wonderful facts about cacao

Cacao beans were so coveted that they were a form of currency in the Mayan and Aztec societies. People even tried to cheat by making fake cacao beans out of clay.
The Europeans have everyone beat when it comes to eating this rich treat. Countries like Germany, Ireland, and Switzerland are the biggest fans of cocoa-based products.
When life gives you lemons, make chocolate chips. Supposedly the baking chip was an accident for a baker who was supposed to be making a special batch of cookies. When the chocolate didn’t melt, it formed little tiny bits. Viola! The famous chip was born.
The History Channel says the first candy bar was created by a fellow named Joseph Fry. He mixed cocoa butter, cocoa powder, and sugar for his creation that is enjoyed today.
Most of the cacao beans grown in the world come from Africa’s Ivory Coast.

Final thoughts about the healthy benefits of eating chocolate

Cocoa has so many health benefits. Eating it daily can boost your energy, protect your skin from UVA rays, give you better blood flow, protect your heart, and help your brain function better. Dark chocolate is healthier than the milk vareity since it has more anti-inflammatory properties and antioxidants. Be sure to eat just a tiny amount each day since it is high in calories. Of course, eating only a small amount will also satisfy your sweet tooth, so you’ll be less prone to weight gain. All in all, chocolate is worth adding to your diet for a long list of health benefits.

15 Inner Thoughts of A Narcissist

October 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Being a narcissist is a mysterious condition.

First, mental health experts don’t know what causes NPD. Narcissism is similar to psychopathy and sociopathy in this way. While family history and advanced brain imaging technologies (e.g., PET) may clue us in, psychotherapists are the only individuals who can diagnose the disorder.

Second, many people – including some mental health experts – are of mixed opinions on whether people diagnosed (or possibly, misdiagnosed) with NPD deserve sympathy.

What Is a Narcissist?

Let’s start with a few sentences to describe such a person.

A narcissist is a person who has an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme preoccupation with themselves, and lacks empathy for others. They often require excessive admiration and have a tendency to exploit others to achieve their own goals. Narcissistic behavior can manifest as arrogance, grandiosity, and a strong sense of entitlement.

The Madoff Case

Consider Bernie Madoff as an example. Madoff pleaded guilty to eleven federal crimes for running a massive Ponzi scheme estimated at $65 billion.

He was given a 150-year sentence. Obviously, narcissistic and sociopathic traits – which Madoff almost certainly possessed – aren’t acceptable excuses in a court of law. While overseeing the most significant financial fraud in U.S. history, Madoff sat on the boards of organizations influencing policies for detecting securities fraud. On the other hand, Madoff was a noted philanthropist, donating millions to various charitable organizations.

“He was thought of as a great philanthropist, a pillar of the community, the chairman of Nasdaq – all of that stuff,” said a friend of his.

Does it matter why?

As Bernie Madoff’s “case file” confirms, narcissists and sociopaths don’t have a rhyme or reason behind why they do such immoral things; or why they act contradictory much of the time.

Does it really matter why?

Not to the victims of Madoff; many of whom lost their life savings. Not to the millions of countless nameless faces whose lives have been upended by a liar and manipulator.

One thing that most people will agree on is that self-protection is paramount. Narcissists and sociopaths can – and will – inflict harm, and most won’t show any remorse.

What goes on inside the brain of a narcissist?

Let’s take a look at 15 projections from the mind of a narcissist

“He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

1. “How can I get attention?”

Psychologists have coined two terms that explain a narcissist’s constant need for attention: “emotional supply” and “narcissistic supply.”

Narcissists are always looking for where they can temporarily fill their unquenchable ego.

2. “I don’t care.”

Indeed. In fact, narcissists don’t care about anything except themselves. Most of us cannot fathom the intentional manipulation and hurting of others.

Most of us.

3. “I’m right.”

Let’s say you’re a prosecutor. You’ve built an “open and shut” case against someone, and the evidence leaves no doubt that the defendant is guilty. Now imagine the judge takes one look at your evidence and throws it out.

The narcissist is the judge.

4. “I have no self-esteem.”

Most experts believe that narcissists have developed a coping mechanism – a rewiring of the brain – that permits them to exhibit confidence despite a deep-rooted feeling of failure.

In reality, the emperor has no clothes.

5. “I’m entitled.”

When it comes to wanting something, a narcissist will act like a 3-year old would if you took his choo-choo. They have no concept of merit; which helps explain why they’re always looking for the easy way out.

6. “How dare you?”

Underneath their seemingly cool appearance, narcissists have a very delicate personality. Their deeply-held feelings of inadequacy and insecurity will surface when criticized.

7. “What an idiot.”

One of a narcissist’s most prominent delusions is the strange belief that they’re smarter than everyone else. It doesn’t hurt when you deny or flat-out disbelieve any evidence to the contrary.

8. “I need something.”

If there’s one thing to pity about a narcissist’s state of mind, it’s this: nothing makes them happy. Money, power, fame, and possessions do nothing. Where ordinary people look to their loved ones for real happiness, narcissists are unable to do so.

9. “You’ve made an enemy.”

The narcissistic are chiefly passive-aggressive people. Unless they’re outraged, or you happen to be close to them, they won’t make their anger known. Instead, they’ll appease their quelling anger by promising payback.

10. “Onto the next one…”

Question: how can someone honestly commit to another when they only care about themselves? Answer: they can’t. Dating a narcissist always seems to follow a predictable path: they meet someone who caters to their constant emotional needs; initial feelings of excitement subside, and they leave.

11. “Everyone is looking at me!”

Narcissists love being the center of attention. Being at the COA may be one of the only things they love. Until that attention fades, of course.

After “their” spotlight is redirected elsewhere, the narcissist begins thinking about what to do next to get it back.

12. “What are they complaining about?”

Joe Navarro, a clinical psychologist and author of Dangerous Personalities, says:

“I have talked to scores of individuals who have been victimized by the narcissistic personality…I heard the same (thing): Narcissists see themselves as being so special that no one else matters. Over time, the behavior (will) cast a wide debris of suffering.”

13. “I’m not apologizing.”

Good luck trying to get an apology from a narcissist. The only way that’s going to happen is if they see some pot of gold at the end of their tilted rainbow.

14. “I’ll forgive nothing.”

Narcissists do not forget or forgive even the smallest of “infractions.” Don’t fret, dear reader, the odds are that you did nothing wrong in the first place. Just be wary of their calculated behavior, especially when feeling “wronged.”

15. “I think I found someone I like!”

Impossible, right? Well, not if it’s a fellow narcissist. As it turns out, narcissists aren’t altogether rare – accounting for about six percent of the U.S. population.

Final Thoughts on Identifying and Understanding How to Deal With a Narcissist

It’s often not healthy to be friendly with narcissists because they tend to manipulate and exploit others for their gain. They may also have difficulty empathizing with others and only value relationships if they believe they can benefit from them. Additionally, their constant need for admiration and attention can be draining and make it difficult to have a balanced and healthy relationship. In some cases, being close to a narcissist can also lead to feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. For these reasons, identify the catch phrases described above. so you can avoid a narcissist.

7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

October 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Falling in love is an exciting experience. When your partner loves you unconditionally, your whole outlook on life can become more positive and wonderful the longer that you’re together.

Couple’s expert and author Stuart Fensterheim says unconditional love is “so freeing and transformative because it lets you stop trying to change or control your partner. You’re free to work on yourself and find even better ways to live together in joy and love.”

Occasionally, we can ask ourselves how we know if our partners love us unconditionally. Even if everything’s going well, curiosity can get the better of us.

If you want to make sure that your partner really does love you unconditionally, there are plenty of signs to look for. When you see them in your partner’s behavior, you’ll know they’re in it for the long haul.

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” – Brian Tracy

Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

1. When your partner loves you, they want to grow old with you

When you make jokes about growing old together and chasing kids off your lawn, they have a specific look in their eyes. It’s almost as if they can see themselves growing old together with you. Not only that, but they’re excited about it.

But how do you know they mean it?

Dating coach Patrick Banks says, “Do you remember that little tingle you felt in your stomach the first time you saw your significant other? The great thing about being in a relationship that’s meant to last is that this feeling only gets stronger over time. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty, when you’re with the person you’re meant to grow old with, you want them as badly each day as you did on the first.”

If you can see yourself growing old together with your partner too, it’s probably a sign that their love for you is unconditional and you feel safe and complete with them enough to start a life together.

2. You tell them your secrets

Telling them your secrets means that you trust them, which means that they have been trustworthy enough for you to do so. When you tell them all of your secrets or the things you’ve been too embarrassed to tell anyone else, they don’t look at you with shock or disgust. They accept you in all that you are, embarrassing secrets included. Not only that, but they don’t even think to tell anyone, even their best friends.

3. They’re proud of you, and they tell you

No matter your accomplishments, big or small, they let you know that they’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Even if you do something as small as clean the living room or something as big as getting a promotion at work.

Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author, says, “When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they’re happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger.”

Whatever you do is something unique to them, and they’re always ready and willing to tell you how proud they are of you for all of your successes – and even the things that you tried your best at and failed.

4. You disagree, but always make up

All couples have arguments or disagreements. That’s not something anyone can avoid. But when the both of you disagree, you don’t let it fester into resentments. They are always willing to discuss and communicate and come to a compromise or the end of an argument. You never have to worry about an argument causing contention in the relationship because you know that in the end you’re going to make up.

5. When your partner loves you, they are always chivalrous

Even if the two of you have been together for twenty years, when your partner loves you unconditionally, they’re always going to go out of their way to make sure that you’re comfortable and happy. They’ll still pull your chair out for you, or get the door. They’ll always help you unload the groceries or get up to get you a glass of water when you’re thirsty.

Licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC points out that, “Love is more than a feeling or emotion, it is a conscious action and choice to aid the well-being of another. It’s the willingness to give love, affection, and admiration with openness, acceptance, and appreciation.”

Unconditional love is making sure that you’re happy and healthy.

6. They’re protective of you

This doesn’t mean they will be jealous if you go out with friends. Instead, they’re always going to want to make sure that you’re safe. They’ll go out of their way to make sure that you have a ride home if you go out or make sure that you can catch a ride home if they can’t. That protective streak will never go away, either. If your partner loves you unconditionally, they will always want to ensure you’re safe and sound, no matter what.

7. Emotional vulnerability is apparent when your partner loves you

A lot of people have a hard time opening up emotionally. Even if that is the case, your partner will have no problem opening up to you and showing that emotional vulnerability.

“Showing unconditional love means being vulnerable, authentic and honest. Trusting each other enough to show all of yourself to your partner. To be their safe haven, the one person in all the world that they can be raw with, to invest all of their trust and hope in,” adds Fensterheim.

They will tell you their hopes, dreams, fears, and secrets – and each time you’ll know that they love and trust you more than anyone else.

Final Thoughts on Knowing Your Partner Loves You

Being in love is a wonderful experience, and when your partner loves you unconditionally, it’s easier to let go and let yourself be more open and vulnerable than ever before.

“Unconditional love is not an unhealthy codependent relationship where one person compromises everything to please the other. You both compromise and treat each other with kindness. Showing love means you’re in this together no matter what. You are the other person’s champion in life,” says Fensterheim.

If you see the signs in your partner and yourself, congratulations! You’re in a relationship that will surely stand the tests of time, and all the stress and curveballs that life has to throw at you.

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The Consequences of Obsessing Over Weight Gain

The “lesson” about weight gain

15 Hidden Causes of Weight Gain (and how to fix each!)

1. “Low-Fat” Foods

2. Weight Gain Goes With Too Much Sitting

3. Burning the Midnight Oil Might Cause Weight Gain

4. Increasing Portions

5. Medications

6. Stress Contributes to Weight Gain

7. Dieting

8. Artificial Sweeteners

9. Eating Too Quickly Can Cause Weight Gain

10. Being Afraid to Say No

11. Hypoactive Thyroid

12. Alcohol Intake

13. Going Through Menopause

14. Retaining Fluid

15. Frequently Eating Out Causes Weight Gain

Breaking the Habits That Cause Weight Gain

Change the Way You Think

Don’t Rely Solely on Self-Control

Work For Your Treats

Give Yourself Visual Reminders

Force Yourself to Walk Farther

Avoid Mindless Munching

Eliminate Sugary Beverages

Fill Up on Vegetables

Don’t Take Random Bites

Final Thoughts on the Hidden Causes of Weight Gain

5 Signs of You Are With a Sexually Abusive Partner

1. Anxiety

2. Depression

3. A sense of Inferiority

4. Fear of Reprisal

5. Lack of Pleasure

6. Unwanted or Nonconsensual Sexual Contact

7. Your Partner Demands Intimacy Even When You’re Sick or Tired

8. Holding You Down or Restraining You During Sex

9. Normalizing the Behavior

10. Your Partner Calls You Degrading or Disrespectful Names

11. In A Sexually Abusive Relationship, Your Partner Will Force You To Do Things You’re Uncomfortable With

12. They Will Act Jealous and Controlling

Statistics About Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

Get Support With Your Sexually Abusive Relationship

Final Thoughts on Getting Help in A Sexually Abusive Relationship

Be aware of the following ten signs that you may be giving too much – and them too little – in a relationship:

1. They know everything

2. They aren’t there when you need them

3. You always initiate communication

4. They show a lack of empathy

5. You’re giving too much if you always upend your own needs

6. You’re always the “first call”…

7. But quickly ignored

8. You’re put in the thick of things

9. You’re giving too much if you can’t get a word in

10. They always seem to be telling a lie

Final Thoughts on Giving Too Much in a Relationship

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Sources: https://thoughtcatalog.com/lady-goodman/2014/01/9-signs-you-do-too-much-for-your-friends/ https://www.bolde.com/12-signs-youre-giving-more-ever-get-out-relationship/

Are all chocolate bars healthy?

How is chocolate made?

10 Surprising (but science-backed!) benefits of eating chocolate every day.

1. Chocolate has anti-inflammatory benefits

2. Take advantage of heart-healthy nutrition

3. Chocolate is good for your skin

4. Improve your brain’s health

5. Maintain a healthier weight

6. Chocolate improves your mood

7. Flavanols in the cocoa bean may prevent diabetes

8. Chocolate is good for your hair

9. Chocolate may help fight cancer

10. Boost your energy levels and fight fatigue

5 Wonderful facts about cacao

Final thoughts about the healthy benefits of eating chocolate

What Is a Narcissist?

The Madoff Case

Does it matter why?

Let’s take a look at 15 projections from the mind of a narcissist

1. “How can I get attention?”

2. “I don’t care.”

Sources:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lady-goodman/2014/01/9-signs-you-do-too-much-for-your-friends/
https://www.bolde.com/12-signs-youre-giving-more-ever-get-out-relationship/

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