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7 Lessons To Learn From Unhappy People

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

It’s easy for most people to tell an unhappy person fairly quickly. But what can lessons can we learn from them?

“Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes.” ~ American Proverb

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ~ African Proverb

What this article is not

The last thing he wishes to impart is any sense of superiority or inferiority.

The quote “Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes” has been around a long time. The wisdom of this old proverb (like so many others) remains today.

The same goes for the second adage, “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” When we can take the reins of an unwieldy mind, dispel our insecurities, and strengthen our resolve (esp. to the outside world), we then find ourselves in a position of power.

A position of inner strength (above, power) does two things: (1) shields us from many of the causes of unhappiness and discontent, and (2) allows us to have empathy for those in a weaker position.

So, what can we learn from unhappy people? Let’s talk about seven important things:

1. Unhappiness can happen to anyone

That’s right. Unhappiness, whether caused from an outside or inside influence, can happen to anyone. Of course, due to differences in brain chemistry, environment, etc., some people are more susceptible to bouts of sadness and discontent than others.

2. Unhappiness can “rub off”

Going back to the introduction, one needs a thick skin to deal with certain individuals. Have you ever had a chronically unhappy boss? How about a chronically unhappy boss that deliberately sought to make your life miserable? (Share please!)

Cause and effect are a law of nature and certainly applies here.

3. Unhappiness is depression, expressed

What do we mean by this? Simply, when someone is dealing with depression, it’s tough to appear anything less than unhappy. Why? Because of the ways that depression changes the brain. Historically, people diagnosed with depression have low levels of the neurochemicals serotonin, norepinephrine (nor-ep-in-eh-fr-in). The former chemical is responsible for mood stability; the latter for increased alertness (“feeling alive”).

4. An unhappy person can be disturbing and distracting

There is no way to sugarcoat this: unhappy people can be disturbing and distracting. This is particularly true if we’re both sensitive and observant to the people around us.

5. Unhappiness can be a never-ending search

How many people want to be unhappy? Barring serious emotional issues, the answer should be around zero. Naturally unhappy people search – and search some more. Some people think a fat bank account will do it. Well, there is some correlation between money and satisfaction, much less of a correlation between money and happiness. A University of Illinois study found that “people who earn the most are only a smidge happier” than the average folk.

6. Unhappiness can be subtle

In many ways, our habits define who we are and our happiness. Lifestyle choices – materialism, avoidance behavior, substance abuse, laziness, etc. – all have consequences. Soon, we find ourselves asking, “How the hell did I get myself into this?” Getting to this point can be enlightening, even if it is uncomfortable. More importantly, after kicking ourselves in the rear, we’ll start looking at our life a bit closer. All of which leads to the final point:

7. Unhappiness has a solution

People who’ve suffered with and recovered from bouts of unhappiness often have the same advice: a solution is out there. Second, it’s much easier to see the light with some help from others. There is no “one size fits all” fix to unhappiness. One must find what works for them, do, and repeat.

Final thoughts on learning from an unhappy person

If you’re happy with your life, consider reaching out to someone who may be having a tough time. If something is causing you some despair, try to find the root cause. Travis Bradberry, the author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, says it perfectly:

“Changing your habits in the name of greater happiness is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. But it’s also important for another reason – taking control of your happiness makes everyone around you happier too.”

Scientists Explain What Standing Too Long Does To Your Body

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

What impact does standing too long make on your body?

“Occupations predominantly standing were associated with an approximately 2-fold risk of heart disease compared with occupations involving predominantly sitting.” ~ Smith, P. et al., “The Relationship Between Occupational Standing and Sitting and Incident Heart Disease Over a 12-Year Period in Ontario, Canada”

Sit, stand, do jumping jacks?

Scientists.

They’re a smart breed for sure. (Just ask ‘em!)

They also seem to write contradictory stuff all the time.

First, it’s long periods of sitting that’s harmful to our health. Now, standing is getting a bad rap.

What the heck?

Don’t worry, dear reader. We’ll clear this conundrum up ASAP!

(Jumping jacks while working is probably really healthy. Not sure how the ole’ boss will feel about it, but whatever.)

Let’s Look First at the Issues from Sitting Too Long

As a super-quick refresher, we’re going to talk about the hazards of sitting. Next, we’ll go over what the study says; and, finally, how we can ensure a healthy, happy, (thus, productive) day at work!

Sitting is bad

Four Scientists Explain What Sitting Too Long Does To Your Body

To be crystal clear, extended periods of sitting is bad. (Mmm-kay?)

Sitting for extended periods, which office workers do, can produce some nasty physical and mental symptoms. Here’s a quick rundown of some:

– Lower back pain

– Neck pain

– Leg pain

– More belly fat (due to inactivity)

– Weaker bones

– Higher risk of depression (the brain/body connection weakens when we’re inactive.)

– Increased risk of diabetes (inactivity hinders insulin function.)

And… here’s some advice on what to do if you’re stuck in a cube:

– Improve your posture: use a keyboard separate from the monitor, don’t slouch, ergonomically position your equipment.

– Take a micro-break every 15 minutes: stand up, change positions, stretch, lean back, deep breathe.

– Reposition your chair and stretch your legs.

– Get some vitamin D and calcium.

– Walk outside when possible: you’ll be surprised at how much a quick open-air breather and a brisk walk will lift your spirits!

– Carry a water bottle with you: try to drink a minimum of 24-36 ounces of water at work. Consuming this amount of water will fight off dehydration, prevent brain fog, and stabilize your blood pressure.

Scientists Explain What Happens to Your Body When You Stand Too Long

The Study

Don’t worry; we’re not going to don a white coat and start lecturing about the study. Instead, we’ll bullet point the important stuff!

– Who?: 7,320 employed Canadians – all working a minimum of 15 hours per week.

– What?: A scientific study, titled “The Relationship Between Occupational Standing and Sitting and Incident Heart Disease Over a 12-Year Period in Ontario, Canada,” which is published in the American Journal of Epidemiology.

– When?: Over a 12 year period. The study began in 2003 and researched followed-up with participants sometime in 2015.

– How?: Patient data points were obtained from the 2003 Canadian Community Health Survey (CCHS), which is linked to one major health insurance provider and a database containing discharge information.

– Why?:

The question “Why?” demands a bit longer of an explanation (sorry!)

First, because cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of morbidity and death in the world. Despite adequate resources, the instances of heart disease in developed countries continues to trend upwards.

The second reason is the vast discrepancy between the amount of research conducted on prolonged sitting versus prolonged standing.

It’s notable that the authors cite eight studies wherein scientists from England, Scotland, and the Netherlands found no relationship between “prolonged occupational sitting, compared with occupations involving standing and walking about, or “occupational sitting time and (heart) disease.”

Regarding the last, the study’s claims about the lack of relationship between prolonged sitting and adverse health outcomes go against those of most doctors and scientists, including the National Health Service of the United Kingdom and the Mayo Clinic.

The Findings

In short, the researchers – after controlling for possible outliers – found that people who primarily stand at work are 232% more likely to develop heart disease than “predominantly sitting populations.”

Of the four types of body posture or movement measured – sitting, standing; sitting, standing, and walking, and ‘other body positions’ – workers who listed prolonged occupational standing as their primary work behavior reported the worst health outcomes.

The healthiest position for working?

That would go to the sitting, standing, and walking crowd! These 2,479 workers – after scientists adjusted for current health conditions – had a whopping 39% lower chance of developing a heart condition.

This finding makes sense, even from a layman’s perspective. Standing, when combined with a bit of walking, increases blood circulation. Meanwhile, a sedentary workstyle – the result of a disproportionate amount of time either standing or sitting on our duffs – isn’t conducive to the body’s physiology.

“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” is a good axiom to remember.

The study’s conclusion, the authors write, “suggests that primary prevention efforts targeted toward reducing occupational standing should be considered…”

Or, in regular terms, more attention and resources should be redirected toward the health consequences about extended periods of standing – not sitting – at work. It also behooves us to include a mix of all three postures and movements when working.

The lesson from all of this? It may be a better idea to incorporate a mix of sitting, standing, and walking throughout our workday. Heading outside during your breaks and lunches sounds pretty good!

Sources:
Smith, P., Ma, H., Glazier, R. H., Gilbert-Ouimet, M., & Mustard, C. (2017). The Relationship Between Occupational Standing and Sitting and Incident Heart Disease Over a 12-Year Period in Ontario, Canada. American Journal of Epidemiology, 1-7. doi:10.1093/aje/kwx298
https://www.rd.com/health/conditions/standing-increases-risk-heart-disease-study/
https://www.rd.com/health/fitness/sitting-disease-recover/

How To Let Go of Hidden Anger (And Feel Happy Again)

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Repressing emotions can happen when those emotions make us feel uncomfortable or bring up memories that we would rather leave buried. While emotional repression can help at the moment to relieve stress or allow us to move forward with our lives, it only causes more anger and turmoil in the long run.

According to Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler, “What repressed anger does is to make its home somewhere in your body and create more stress.”
Repressed anger can especially leave us feeling hollow, stressed, and angry at the wrong targets. The problem happens when we repress this anger to either the breaking point or until it eats us alive. Allowing yourself to let go of this repressed anger is the first step to healing.

“If you carry around a lot of suppressed or repressed anger (anger you have unconsciously buried) you may lash out at people, blaming or punishing them for something someone else did a long time ago.” – Beverly Engel

6 Ways To Let Go Of Repressed Anger And Gain Control Over Your Life

1. Self-reflection Can Help Release Anger

This is the first step to releasing any repressed emotion, especially anger. We can oftentimes brush off self-reflection as something that just doesn’t work. However, being able to reflect on your emotions, thoughts, and reactions can help make releasing all of your repressed anger so much easier. First, you need to figure out how you began to repress your anger in the first place. Perhaps there was a specific event during childhood that taught you to hold your feelings in. Once you pinpoint this, you can learn how that lesson has led you to repress your feelings throughout the rest of your life.

2. Release Hidden Anger Through Forgiveness

According to Professor Robert Enright, “Our science shows that as people make the decision to forgive and follow a valid process of forgiving, then the one who forgives experiences considerable psychological relief such as reduced anger, anxiety, and depression, and an increase in self-esteem.”

This doesn’t just mean learning to forgive others. Learning to forgive yourself is as equally important in beginning to release the repressed anger inside of you. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for self-healing. When you begin to forgive the people who have harmed you in some way, you are able to release the anger that you hold inside of you. Once that anger is released, you’ll find that your mind and body can become healthier as you begin your process of healing.

3. Use Positivity Techniques as Anger Management

When your mind is thinking of negative things, you’re going to feel negative emotions! The best way to combat this, and to begin the road to recovery from repressed anger, is to use positive visualization. Instead of focusing on the people who have hurt you, focus on the people and things that bring you joy in your life, as well as purpose. Release your anger in constructive, healthy ways, like art, music, or exercise. Letting your emotions out and feeling them is an important part of letting them go.

4. Accept the Past

Trying to deny or rally against things that have already happened is a useless effort. The past is the past, and there’s nothing that can be done to change it. You can’t erase the things that happened, but you can learn to accept them and how they affect your life now. Acceptance of the past will allow you to move forward. You can’t look straight ahead if you’re always looking back! Once you learn the power of acceptance, you’ll find that your path to healing becomes much more straightforward.

5. Understand the Other Person’s Point of View

When you began your self-reflection, you may have begun to realize that you hold repressed anger because of someone else. This is a good time to try and reflect on their point of view. Understanding where someone else is coming from can help you process your anger, rather than letting it fester inside of you. Of course, this is only useful if the anger comes from a differing point of view, rather than an expression of violence. In cases like this, it’s important to know that someone’s violence against you was not your fault. Being able to release yourself from the blame can help you move past your anger.

6. Let Go of Anger by Relinquishing Control

Sure, you can control certain things about your life – who you interact with, where you work, how you spend your time, etc. But in the long run, life is going to happen and the most any of us can do is brace ourselves for the ride. According to Dr. Amy Johnson, “I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control—when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. “

You can’t control other people’s actions. If an ex-partner broke your trust and cheated on you, being able to accept that there was nothing you could do to control their actions can help release your repressed anger at them for hurting you. Once that anger is released, you can start to heal from the incident.

Repressed emotions can cause stress, depression, and anxiety. Repressed anger is no exception! However, it is possible to learn to release that anger. Once you have the tools to work through your own personal healing journey, your body and mind will be at peace. You may even find that your relationships with other people, be they romantic, platonic, or familial, have grown stronger than ever now that you don’t have that anger hanging over your head.

6. Behavior Modification to Manage Your Anger

How often have you told your children that they need to modify their behavior? Well, the same thing works with adults. When you change your thought processes, it will automatically change your actions. Have you ever had to go outside and count to ten before disciplining your kids?

The same principles apply when it comes to anger issues. When you have stress-management techniques you can turn to during times of frustration; you can learn to release the rage you feel and calm yourself.

7. Meditation and Prayer

You can conquer deep emotional work when you delve into prayer and meditation. It’s very beneficial because both practices help you focus on the present moment and alter your thoughts. So many people become distracted by the past, which hinders them in the here and now.

During these calming moments when you’re trying to recenter yourself, there’s a lot of self-healing that takes place. Once you get the hang of these practices, you can learn how to calm your feelings of both anger and resentment. A positive mindset can do wonders, and prayer and meditation can help you achieve it.

8. Creative Visualization

All those self-imposing and restricting thoughts can be released when you utilize visualization. Do you have rage from your past that festers at any given time? Try using a visualization technique to clear these feelings.

Have you ever used a tea kettle to boil water for tea or instant soups? Picture the kettle boiling on your stove. When it starts whistling because it’s screaming hot, this is a good visualization for the rage happening on the inside. Now, turn the kettle off, and the water inside will begin to cool.

As the water cools, this is indicative of your inner thermostat calming. Trying techniques like this can help you relax and bring your emotional temperature back to normal. No one wants to walk around red hot from anger.

9. Journaling for Releasing Your Anger

When you feel irritation inside, you must let it go. Journaling is a beautiful place to start. Getting those feelings down on paper can release them from your innermost being. Some people find it beneficial to just write all their thoughts and feelings down on paper, but others like to write short stories that parallel their emotions.

10. Managing Your Thoughts

According to News Week, the average human being has more than 6,000 random thoughts each day. Your thought processes help to shape your emotional response. Assume that you see something that you feel is frightening.

Your brain registers this event and gives you a specific emotional response to what you’re experiencing. However, when you change how you view things, you’re altering your emotional reaction to it. So, when you stop seeing a situation as rage-inducing, your thought process will alter around your perception.

11. Take A Time Out

Taking a time out is a great way to reset your brain and focus on something positive. When you set your children in time out, you want them to stop, think about what they’ve done, and change their emotional response. When you distract your mind, it helps to make things clearer.

Even if you’ve buried your rage deep inside, there will be times when it comes boiling to the surface. These little segments of “me time” can help you put things into perspective.

12. Talk to Someone About It

If you want to let go of vehemence deep inside, it’s best to get it out by talking to someone. This person can be a therapist, a trusted friend, or the person who offended you. The more you bury it and refuse to speak about it, the more powerful it becomes.

Burying hurts and frustrations only mean that you will have to deal with them another day. Additionally, you can be like a time bomb with rage waiting for someone to detonate you. Get it out, deal with it, and move on.

13. Uses Positive Affirmations

There are a lot of negativities that surround you every day. When you ingest these toxic things, it acts as a large spoon that stirs the pot. For instance, you go to work, and your boss writes you up for a minor infraction. This negative thing sets your mood off, making you see red.

It’s easy to let things that are buried come to the surface during a storm. Remember, when the tide rolls in on the ocean, it brings seaweed, fish, rocks, and shells with it. Essentially everything you have hidden will roll to the surface when things get shaken up. The good news is that you can combat this with some positive affirmations.

You can read or recite affirmations each day to change your mindset. It helps you flush inner negativities to the curb and release the anger that’s holding you hostage.

14. Release Fury Mindfully

Many times, anger is caused by a bruised ego. Maybe you lost the love of your life, a job, or someone said or did something that hurt you deeply. You’re having trouble letting go of the feelings, so this pent-up negativity warrants a ceremonial release.

You can do things like write the problem on a balloon and set it free into the sky. You can watch your frustrations fade into the vast blue above as you do this. You can try writing the person’s name and offense on a card and burning it. Find a way to release the anger by doing these ceremonial acts mindfully.

15. Use Laughter to Let go of Anger and Bitterness

Laughter is very healing. When was the last time that you laughed till your stomach hurt? You’ve heard laughter is the best medicine, but did you know there’s scientific evidence to back these theories?

According to a study conducted by Massachusetts General Hospital and posted on the National Library of Medicine, they used humor on cancer patients to see how it affected them. They found humor lightened the mood, improved the patients’ outlook, and eased their pain.

Since anger on the inside of you can eat and gnaw at your very soul like cancer, it stands to reason that humor can also work for you. The quicker you nip these anger issues, the less likely they are to turn into bitterness.

Final Thoughts on Letting Go of Your Anger

Being furious on the inside can steal your happiness. It will eat at your soul, and it can shatter your mind’s peace. When you allow situations and people to make you angry, you give them control over your life.

By doing some of the actions listed above, you can learn to forgive, put your fury in its place, and start walking with a positive mindset. Be open-minded and find some of these activities that you think will help. Don’t be afraid to try many until you find the one that works.

5 Things To Do If Your Boss Is A Psychopath

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

‘Corporate psychopaths thrive on thrill seeking, bore easily, seek stimulation, and play mind games with a strong desire to win.’ – FBI psychologists Paul Babiak, Ph.D. & Mary Ellen O’Toole, Ph.D.

Psychopaths in business

What does it take to succeed in today’s highly competitive marketplace? Most rational people would say things like “a motivated workforce,” “innovation,” or “creative thinking.”

Can someone who lacks empathy get ahead in business? Can someone who preys on vulnerabilities? How about a boss who gets some kind of twisted pleasure from abusing their subordinates?

First, a bit of context. Corporate America is an uber-competitive, dog-eat-dog environment. Capitalism on steroids and three cans of Redbull.

Companies are bankrupted, bought out, bulldozed and no one bats an eye. When this happens, of course, most people become worried. Fearful. Insecure. As it happens, psychopaths thrive on such emotions.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the United State’s preeminent law enforcement body, employs psychologists who specialize in examining corporate misfits. They’ve affirmed that companies do have a place for psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Some sit on the Board. Some are CEOs. These people reach the pinnacle of Corporate America.

Enron, Bernie Madoff, WorldCom, and Lehman Brothers were all led by individuals likely to fall somewhere along the psychopath/sociopath scale.

What is psychopathy?

William Hirstein, Ph.D. and neuropsychologist, explains the history of psychopathy:

“In the early 1800s, doctors who worked with mental patients began to notice that some of their patients who appeared outwardly normal had what they termed a “moral depravity” or “moral insanity,” in that they seemed to possess no sense of ethics or of the rights of other people.”

Since then, psychologists have flipped-flopped between using the term “psychopath” or “sociopath” in describing such people.

Hirstein, after researching various sources of psychopathy diagnoses, narrowed the condition down to nine common traits:

– Lack of empathy

– Shallow emotions

– Irresponsibility

– Insincere speech

– Closed attention (only focused on themselves)

– Lack of planning

– Impulsivity

– Selfishness

– Violence

Is your boss a psychopath?

He or she doesn’t need to display all of the traits mentioned above to be a psychopath.

Medical terminology aside, just one of the nine traits Hirstein lists would create a highly uncomfortable working environment. How about working for someone who is irresponsible, selfish, and uncaring?

We’re not psychologists or mental health experts. Even those who are experts have a tough time diagnosing someone with psychopathy, narcissism, and related disorders.

Perhaps the most important takeaway from this article is how to deal with a boss who exhibits such behaviors.

(Readers: have you ever worked for a highly unstable boss or manager? We’d love to hear your story!)

5 Ways to Deal With a “Psycho-Boss”

1. Establish boundaries, if possible

If you work in a large company, it may be possible to distance yourself from your boss. Now’s a time to take advantage of your connections; perhaps you can switch teams or move into another department.

Whatever the situation may be, it is essential to remember your self-worth. If you have no options, it’s time to consider another course of action.

2. Understand that your boss won’t change

Psychopaths do not change their behaviors. Their need for dominance, control, and manipulation is in their DNA. It doesn’t even matter if you’re a high performer; your psycho-boss personality won’t suddenly shift. “They keep using people up until nobody wants to be around them,” says psychologist and author Judy Rosenberg, Ph.D.

3. Don’t justify their behavior

In other words, don’t make excuses for your horrible boss. Also, don’t misclassify your boss as “tough.” There’s a gaping distance between toughness and psychopathy. Dr. Rosenberg explains, “A tough boss is just somebody who blows up at you, but they don’t cross those lines. Tough is playing fair. (The) four D’s: demean, devalue, destroy, discard – that’s just another level.”

4. Look at your mental health

Working for such a toxic individual would take its toll on even the most thick-skinned person. Be honest about your mental health.

How do you feel when leaving the office? Are you just tired or something else? Is working for this person taking its toll on your personal life? On your off days?

Depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are a genuine possibility when continually exposed to abuse. And, make no mistake, you are being exposed to abuse.

5. Look for another job or quit

It’s of the utmost importance to understand that nothing is going to change in your current environment. Not your boss, and not your perceptions of them.

If possible, network within the company to find an opportunity. Polish your resume and send it to your connections (there are plenty of excellent, free resources on the web for resume writing). Update your LinkedIn profile, post to job boards, and so on.

Of course, quitting is certainly the last resort for most. We all need money, and we all have responsibilities. But no job and no amount of money are worth your soul. You have options friend!

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindmelding/201301/what-is-psychopath-0
https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/william-hirstein-phd

11 Common Arguments of Every Relationship (And How to Avoid Having Them)

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Discussions are an exchange of knowledge; arguments an exchange of ignorance.” – Robert Quillen

Every couple has arguments. it’s almost impossible to spend a majority of your time with another person and not find something to argue about.

Do successful couples argue too?

Director of the Sedona Counselling Center of Montrea, psychotherapist Vikki Stark says that although all couples argue as far as successful couples are concerned, “instead of attacking the other person’s character, happy couples color inside the lines and express their own feelings…”

After all, relationships are comprised of two different people with their own thoughts, feelings, values and opinions. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid having these types of arguments. It might not always work, but learning how to avoid them will give you more tools in your arsenal to keep your relationship happy and healthy.

11 Arguments Every Couple Has And How To Avoid Them

1. Money matters can cause arguments

Couples bringing two different incomes into the relationship can often be found arguing about money. Whether you’re sharing expenses, or paying your own way, money is a common argument that couples often find themselves hashing out. Decide who’s paying for what when it comes to shared expenses, and stick to it. Having a plan will alleviate the stress that is often the trigger for the money argument.

2. Intimacy and daily stress

Unfortunately, this is a big one when it comes to arguments that couples have. If you’ve been together for a long time, spending time together and being intimate can start to be pushed aside due to other daily life stressors. It can cause distance, and fights about other things when all you want is to be close to one another. Talking openly and honestly with your partner about desiring intimate time together can put a stop to the arguments about intimacy.

3. Spending too much time apart

For most relationships, spending time together is one of the greatest joys. Arguments can arise when one or both partners aren’t getting the amount of time together that they need. Organizing a schedule of alone time can help couples who are bombarded with things like work obligations or business travel. Making sure that you can spend time together despite personal and professional obligations will make it so that too much time apart is never an argument you have to have again.

4. Communication. Or rather, a lack of communication

People can often miscommunicate in a relationship, which can lead to difficulties and arguments. psychologist Nikki Martinez mentions, “The couple stops being transparent, starts making assumptions and starts hiding things, which ultimately leads to anger and mistrust.”

If a lack of communication is causing a rift in your relationship, either working on communication skills or finding a better way to communicate can make it so that those arguments happen less frequently.

Couples therapy can help when it comes to communication difficulties, as an outside perspective can be just what couples need to balance things too because “When communication breaks down, and each person thinks it is beyond repair, they will often believe that divorce is the only option,” adds Martinez.

5. Trouble with communicating emotions

Communicating ideas clearly is important for a relationship to succeed, and communicating emotions clearly is just as important. Clinical psychologist Alexandra H. Solomon states, “When spouses become emotionally and physically disengaged, they can start to question their love for each other and wonder, ‘What are we all about?’”

If one or both partners have issues handling their emotions, or their partner’s emotions, it can cause a rift where one or both partners feels as if they’re not getting the emotional support that they need. Again, couples therapy or individual therapy can help mend those problems.

6. Household chores and not sharing the load

Deciding who does what in the household can be a major cause of contention. If one partner works more than the other, they may feel that they shouldn’t have to do as many chores at home. Disagreements over how to divide up chores can be easily avoided when both partners sit down and decide who does what, and what a fair division of household labor would be – instead of arguing about who took the trash out last, decide who’s job it is to take out the trash.

7. Family and friends

An argument that often arises when it comes to family and friends does so around the holidays. Playing host to extended family members can take a toll on couples because of how much energy goes into it. In order to get through the family visits, decide ahead of time the appropriate length of time family members should be staying over – so everyone can enjoy the visit and not feel invaded in their own home.

8. Falling asleep together

Many peoples run on different schedules due to work, or just personal preference. An argument that couples often have is falling asleep at the same time, or at least together. Going to bed alone can make one partner feel neglected. The best way to deal with this is to try and get on the same schedule that works for you both, or compromise having one partner stay in bed and enjoy some intimate time together while the other falls asleep.

9. Unresolved issues

These types of issues can make any relationship more difficult – either personal, unresolved issues, or issues between partners that fester. The arguments that result from these issues are rarely about the root of the problem, which makes them hard to resolve. Staying open and honest with your partner about the things that bother or upset you will make sure that no issue remains unresolved.

10. Intimate difficulties

When it comes to being intimate with your partner, arguments can arise when a couple has problems in the bedroom. Whether the sex is unsatisfying or one person has a lower sex drive than the other, difficulties with intimacy can drive a wedge in any good relationship.

Psychotherapist and author Marcia Naomi Berger says, “It’s oftentimes the man who feels frustrated because his wife seems to have lost interest in having sex with him. Women’s sexual needs are more complex: Maybe he’s not helping her get into the mood with enough foreplay or maybe he hasn’t been emotionally available and responsive to her in general.”

The best way to combat this is to stay open with your partner, and discuss things honestly, and try to work out any issues that you have.

11. Jealousy

Author Susan Heitler Ph.D., says, “Jealousy in general erupts from a crisis in trust. The trust may be distrust of others, or of oneself.” No one likes to admit when they feel jealous – but jealousy can be one of the major causes of arguments between couples. Of course, combating jealousy isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Keeping open communication with your partner can lessen the arguments that come around when jealousy rears its ugly head, but couples therapy and personal therapy can also make a huge difference when it comes to the insecurities one partner faces that cause the jealousy.

No matter where you’re from, what type of couple you are, or how old you are, or how long you’ve been together … there are some things that every couple is going to end up arguing about sometimes. While it may not be fun, it’s almost inevitable. Learning what major arguments you may face and how to avoid them will keep any couple healthy and happy for as long as they are together.

References:
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/8-things-successful-couples-do-differently-during-arguments_us_569fd4f0e4b0875553c2a5e0
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/6-fights-all-couples-have-on-the-road-to-divorce_us_55f30a19e4b042295e360f2a
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201110/jealousy-the-3-main-causes-and-their-cures

What Do Your Daily Habits Reveal About Your Personality?

October 9, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Surprisingly, your daily habits and personal preferences can paint a pretty accurate picture of your personality type. We all have a routine that we follow each day, and it varies based on our desires, quirks, and demeanor. For instance, the early risers may spend their mornings doing yoga, meditating, or relaxing before work.

However, the night owls might sleep in until the last minute before starting their day. It gives them less time to prepare for the day ahead, but they prefer getting a few extra minutes of sleep. This is just one example of how our daily habits provide a glimpse into our unique personalities.

What These 12 Habits Say About Your Personality

Below, we’ll go over some everyday habits and daily choices that reveal a bit about human nature.

1. Your Choice of Footwear

You may not think twice about what shoes you wear each day, but this decision provides insight about your personality. A study in the Journal of Research in Personality found that footwear, like other articles of clothing and accessories, reveals your inner nature to the world. The researchers asked participants to fill out a questionnaire about their personality and snap a picture of their shoes.

Then, the research team asked a separate group to analyze the photos and attempt to guess each participant’s personality. Most people seemed to guess correctly, showing the universality of footwear perceptions.

According to the study, people who wear comfortable, casual shoes had a more pleasant, easygoing personality. Those who preferred ankle boots had a more aggressive nature, and people who wore uncomfortable shoes had a calm disposition. Participants who were meticulous about cleaning their shoes had a clingy, anxious vibe.

Of course, there’s much more to you than your choice of shoes, but it’s an interesting study nonetheless!

2. Your Handshake

Some people don’t like shaking hands, but it’s necessary in professional settings. Surprisingly, your handshake style can reveal a lot about your personality. A 2000 University of Alabama study showed that a person’s handshake remains constant throughout life and provides a snapshot of their demeanor.

The research found that people with a firm, strong handshake had a more extroverted, less neurotic personality. They also showed greater openness to new experiences. On the other hand, people with a weak handshake made a less stellar first impression. The research found that women with a firm handshake had specific personality traits and beliefs in common. They generally had more interest in new experiences, voted liberal, and had higher intelligence.

3. Your Email Style and Preferences

In this modern era, some people view emails as a thing of the past. Group chats and messaging apps have become more popular, but some companies still use email to communicate. According to a comprehensive analysis by The Myers-Briggs Company, your habits and preferences regarding emails say a lot about your personality.

For instance, the research found that extroverts sent and received more emails than introverts. However, they preferred talking in person or over the phone rather than using email and had a higher chance of sending one to the wrong person. Those with a Sensing rather than Intuitive preference had more structured, concise language in their emails.

Intuitive types had less structured, more casual email preferences, and Judging types expected a quick response from others. When they didn’t receive a timely response, they got more irritated than other types.

4. Your Eating Habits and Behaviors

The foods you eat regularly can say a lot about you. A 2020 Australian study investigated the relationship between eating habits, BMI, and the Big Five personality traits (extroversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism).

The research discovered that participants who ate more plant-based foods and fish showed higher openness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability. Those who ate more meat, on the other hand, showed less openness and emotional strength and higher extroversion. Finally, people who ate more carbs weren’t as conscientious, extroverted, or emotionally stable.

The researchers found that BMI negatively associated with conscientiousness and emotional stability. They discovered a positive relation with agreeableness, however.

5. Your Timeliness

According to research in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, our punctuality (or lack of it) can reveal whether we’re a Type A or B personality. Not surprisingly, those who arrived early to meetings had a higher chance of being ‘Type A’s.’ People who showed up late to appointments were more likely to be Type B personalities.

This makes sense because Type A personalities thrive on achievements and setting goals, while Type B’s have a more laidback approach to life.

6. How Often You Smile

Habits such as smiling aren’t something we think about too often. However, how frequently you smile can reveal to others if you’re more extroverted or introverted. Extroverts’ smiles occur more naturally, while introverts must actively work to put on a happy face in social situations. In other words, smiling doesn’t come as quickly for introverts, as their natural expression is more neutral.

In several studies, participants who analyzed photographs of people could quickly pinpoint the extroverts since they smiled more often.

7. Your Spending Habits

Your purchasing habits can also provide insight into your personality quirks and traits. A study published in Psychological Science found a positive association between openness and money spent on flights. Extroverted people tended to dine out and drink more often, while those with more agreeableness frequently donated to charity.,

Those who scored higher on conscientiousness weren’t as keen on shelling out cash, preferring to save instead. More materialistic participants spent the most on jewelry and donated less to charity. Also, the research found that people who showed greater self-control spent less on overdraft fees. People who scored higher on neuroticism spent less on mortgage payments.

8. Your Posture

Your stand can reveal whether you lean more toward introversion or extroversion. For example, research published in the journal PLOS One found that extroverts had a better posture. They tended to stand up straighter and had a more relaxed posture, while introverts stood with either a flat or sway-back. According to the research, these positions can reveal underlying mental or emotional stress.

9. Your Body Language

It’s not always what you say but how you say it; experts estimate that nonverbal cues constitute around 60% of all communication. This means that body language habits play a massive role in how people perceive you. For example, one study found that peers perceived people who avert their gaze during conversations as unfriendly, shy, and less intelligent.

Another study discovered that people could tell when you’re faking a smile. Having wrinkles around your eyes indicates to others that you have a genuine smile, a sign of trustworthiness and sincerity. Also, if you cross your legs or arms when talking to someone, it can signal that you’re closed off, defensive or self-protective.

10. How Often You Use Your Smartphone

Many studies have linked excessive smartphone use with higher anxiety, depression, and emotional instability. An online survey by researchers from the University of Derby and Nottingham Trent University in the UK also confirmed these findings. The research involved 640 people between the ages of 13 and 69. Those who felt the most anxious reported using their smartphones more often, and participants with mental disorders, in general, viewed their phones as a form of therapy.

While not everyone who uses smartphones will develop a mental health problem, limiting your time on devices is still a good idea.

11. Your Clothing Preferences

A 2009 study found that clothing and accessory choices can reveal a person’s level of narcissism. Researchers told participants to view pictures of people wearing various types and styles of clothing. Specific attributes, such as bright, expensive clothing, makeup, and accessories, and if a person smiled a lot, revealed higher levels of narcissism.

The researchers write: “These findings suggest that physical appearance reflects narcissists’ personality, preoccupation with good looks, and desire to be the center of attention, and serves as a vehicle to promote their status.”

12. Having a Nail-biting Habit

Some people have unconscious habits such as twirling their hair or biting their nails, often to relieve stress or boredom. However, a 2015 study published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry also found an association between nail-biting and perfectionism. People who bite their nails also tend to feel dissatisfied and engage in the habit as a source of comfort.

Final Thoughts on How Daily Habits Reveal Your Personality

We all have habits and routines that we usually don’t even think about. As we get accustomed to our careers and responsibilities, these habits become second nature. However, our behaviors and choices can paint an overall picture of our unique personalities, interests, and thought processes.

This list doesn’t even scratch the surface when it comes to our conscious and unconscious daily habits. But, hopefully, you learned more about your personality after reading this article!

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Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

So, what can we learn from unhappy people? Let’s talk about seven important things:

1. Unhappiness can happen to anyone

2. Unhappiness can “rub off”

3. Unhappiness is depression, expressed

4. An unhappy person can be disturbing and distracting

5. Unhappiness can be a never-ending search

6. Unhappiness can be subtle

7. Unhappiness has a solution

Final thoughts on learning from an unhappy person

Let’s Look First at the Issues from Sitting Too Long

Scientists Explain What Happens to Your Body When You Stand Too Long

The Findings

6 Ways To Let Go Of Repressed Anger And Gain Control Over Your Life

1. Self-reflection Can Help Release Anger

2. Release Hidden Anger Through Forgiveness

3. Use Positivity Techniques as Anger Management

4. Accept the Past

5. Understand the Other Person’s Point of View

6. Let Go of Anger by Relinquishing Control

6. Behavior Modification to Manage Your Anger

7. Meditation and Prayer

8. Creative Visualization

9. Journaling for Releasing Your Anger

10. Managing Your Thoughts

11. Take A Time Out

12. Talk to Someone About It

13. Uses Positive Affirmations

14. Release Fury Mindfully

15. Use Laughter to Let go of Anger and Bitterness

Final Thoughts on Letting Go of Your Anger

What is psychopathy?

Is your boss a psychopath?

5 Ways to Deal With a “Psycho-Boss”

1. Establish boundaries, if possible

2. Understand that your boss won’t change

3. Don’t justify their behavior

4. Look at your mental health

5. Look for another job or quit

References: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindmelding/201301/what-is-psychopath-0 https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/william-hirstein-phd

11 Arguments Every Couple Has And How To Avoid Them

1. Money matters can cause arguments

2. Intimacy and daily stress

3. Spending too much time apart

4. Communication. Or rather, a lack of communication

5. Trouble with communicating emotions

6. Household chores and not sharing the load

7. Family and friends

8. Falling asleep together

9. Unresolved issues

10. Intimate difficulties

11. Jealousy

What These 12 Habits Say About Your Personality

1. Your Choice of Footwear

2. Your Handshake

3. Your Email Style and Preferences

4. Your Eating Habits and Behaviors

5. Your Timeliness

6. How Often You Smile

7. Your Spending Habits

8. Your Posture

9. Your Body Language

10. How Often You Use Your Smartphone

11. Your Clothing Preferences

12. Having a Nail-biting Habit

Final Thoughts on How Daily Habits Reveal Your Personality

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

Stay Connected With

Us

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mindmelding/201301/what-is-psychopath-0
https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/william-hirstein-phd

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist