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8 Ways To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

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“Feeling sorry for ourselves is the most useless waste of energy on the planet. It does absolutely no good. We can’t let our circumstances or what others do or don’t do control us. We can decide to be happy regardless.” – Joyce Meyer

Bad things happen. That’s just a fact of life. When something bad happens in our lives, it can be so easy to fall into a negative spiral of feeling sorry for ourselves. Accepting defeat and giving up feels easy, because it takes less work than pulling ourselves out of a pit of despair. However, psychotherapist Amy Morin states that, “feeling sorry for yourself can be downright self-destructive. It makes overcoming adversity difficult—if not impossible—and it keeps you stuck.”

We are all guilty of letting ourselves wallow in negative feelings for longer than we should, oftentimes letting them pass on their own without working to make ourselves feel better. However, life doesn’t stop moving no matter how much we feel sorry for ourselves, and our pity parties sometimes have to be put on hold. Here are the best ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself and learn to move on with life.

Here Are 8 Ways To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself And Gain Control Of Your Life

1. Set aside some time to volunteer

Even when things are going wrong, it’s always good to be reminded that things could be much worse. Not only that, but volunteering for someone in need means that you’re putting positive energy out into the world. When you give positive energy, you get positive energy. It’s a great way to remind yourself that there are people who have it worse off than you, and it’ll snap you right out of feeling sorry for yourself.

2. Count your blessings

When life feels like it’s weighing you down more than normal, it can be a good thing to stop and remember all the things that are good in your life. Reminding yourself of all the things that you’re grateful for is a good way to put your life into some perspective.

Founder, facilitator and personal insight coach of The Insight Technique™ Kimberley Cohen states, “… if you don’t see the blessings then you focus on the problem rather than the solutions. Instead of being hopeful, you become hopeless. You can become stuck, frustrated, stressed, discouraged, defeated and depleted.”

Maybe you have a good job, or a fantastic family or partner. Count your blessings and see that even when things go wrong, you’ve got it pretty good.

happiness

3. Unplug from social media

If you’re having issues comparing yourself to the people around you, it can be a good idea to unplug from social media for a while. The thing about social media, is that people only post things that they want you to see. So, of course you’re going to be seeing all of the good and positive things. Instead, just unplug from social media and take some time to yourself.

4. Spend your time with someone special

Whether this person is your partner, your best friend, or just your family, it’s important to spend time with people who love and care about you. When we feel sorry for ourselves, it’s easy to feel like nobody cares that we’re going through a hard time. Spending your day with someone important to you can remind you that this isn’t true.

5. Random acts of kindness

Do something nice for someone, and you’ll get a positive energy boost that can snap you right out of your pity party. Not only will you make someone else’s day, but you’ll be riding the high from their happiness right until bedtime.

Kindness expert Jennifer Willis-Rivera reveals, “[After practicing more acts of kindness on a regular basis], I found that the mornings that I woke up angry, I found myself a little less angry,” she said. “When I had to interact with people I didn’t like, I found myself really learning to value them as human beings.”

Whether you buy a small gift for someone you love, or simply pay for the person behind you at the coffee shop, being kind can set off a chain reaction of good deeds.

6. Set new goals for yourself

Instead of wallowing in negative feelings, try setting some goals that will help you pull yourself out of feeling poorly. It’s hard to be upset when you’ve got something else to focus on. If you’ve lost your job, make a goal to send out a certain number of resumes within the week. Setting goals will help keep you focused and help take your mind off feeling bad for yourself.

7. Change one thing every day

It doesn’t have to be something big. Just a small thing about yourself that you want to change to make you a better person. If you feel sorry for yourself because of your situation, it’s good to start making small changes to improve it. Before you know it, you’ll be waking up as someone in an entirely different situation than the one you started in – and you’ll be surprised how great you feel about it.

8. Join a support group

If all else fails, then joining a support group is a great way to both find yourself a support system while also finding people who understand what you’re going through. Friends and family can often be lacking in understanding our specific experiences. A support group, however, is often for people in the same boat who need the extra support. You’ll be able to talk to people and get ideas on how to move on or feel better.

People often feel sorry for themselves – after all, it’s human nature, but philosopher Dr. Megan Reik explains, “There are few human emotions as warm, comforting and enveloping as self-pity. And nothing is more corrosive and destructive. There is only one answer; turn away from it and move on.”

You shouldn’t feel badly if you give in to having a pity party every once in a while. However, it’s also important to know when it’s time to move on. If you have trouble figuring out how to pick yourself back up off the floor, don’t worry. The rest of us have that same problem. Hopefully, these ideas will help you figure out how to feel better and more positive with time.

How To Release Attachments to Someone You Can’t Be With

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Almost everyone has had this particular experience: falling in love with someone that you can’t have. Whether this person is your best friend, or the partner of someone you know, your co-worker or just someone who lives too far away, pining after someone that you have causes pain.

This is a particularly painful experience, and many of us have been in this exact situation, wondering how in the world we’re going to get over wanting someone that we can’t have.

As entrepreneur Paul Hudson rightly pointed out, “It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.” Fortunately, it’s entirely possible to both positively handle that pain and get over the other person.

Here Are 10 Ways To Handle The Pain Of Loving Someone You Can’t Have

“It’s hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours.” – Unknown

1. Enjoy your time together

When you’re spending time with someone that you love but can’t have, it can be tempting to ask for more. However, that will only lead to rejection and more pain. Instead, focus on enjoying the time that you do spend together. Focusing on the good times that you have means that you’ll have more good memories to draw on so that you’re not spending your time thinking about how badly you want to be with them.

2. Get a hobby to keep you occupied

When we’re hopelessly in love with someone that we can’t have, it may be hard to focus on anything else. Instead, try diverting your attention to other things, like hobbies. Find something that you really enjoy and put your energy into that. You’ll find that you pass the time much easier, and you might even stop thinking about them all the time. Finding ways to distract yourself from obsessing over someone that you can’t have will make it easier to move on.

3. Protect your feelings from the pain

Being this person’s friend is entirely possible. You can be there for them when they need it, but you also need to be able to know when something is too much. Learn to protect your feelings and set boundaries. If you find it hard to listen to them when they’re having troubles with their partner, it’s okay to set that boundary. Be there for them when you can, but also make sure that you’re taking care of yourself.

4. Have a support system

Surrounding yourself with other friends is a good way to make sure that you’re not alone. If you’re hopelessly in love with your best friend and can’t have them, life can get isolating pretty quickly. Instead, make sure that you have other friends who are supportive and understanding, so that you can always have someone to turn to when you’re feeling low about your unrequited love.

As relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer points out, “Allow yourself to be supported by your friends, even if you’re just going through the motions because it helps you jumpstart yourself into a new rhythm.”

5. Learn to compartmentalize the pain

This is an important tool in making sure that your mind isn’t being obsessed with your unrequited love when you’re not together. When you’re hanging out with them, make sure that you’re enjoying your time together to the fullest. However, when you’re apart, you want to make sure that you’re not letting your mind keep wandering back to them and distract you from doing your work.

6. Limit contact with them to heal yourself

Sometimes, your heart doesn’t stop pining. In that case, it’s time to stop letting your heart rule your head. If you’re in pain and in unrequited love after months or years, it may be time to limit the contact that you have with this person.

Relationship and dating expert Ravid Yosef says, “… Leave them behind. Keeping the line of communication open, no matter how good of ‘friends’ you think you’ll be is only keeping the hopes of a relationship alive.”

It might be upsetting at first, but you may just be opening old wounds every time you’re together. It’s time to give them space to heal.

7. Date other people

The best way to get over someone is to date other people. It’s important not to compare the new people that you date with your unrequited love. Not only will you feel bad, but it’ll make the person you’re dating have to live up to impossible standards. Enjoying people for who they are will open you up to all kinds of new relationships, though you may not fall in love with every new person you go out with.

8. Journal your feelings to document and release your pain

With social media now, it can be easy to throw up a Twitter post about how you feel and get validation from others. This may make you feel good in the moment, but it’s not the same as really examining your emotions. Instead, journal about how you’re feeling. You can do it on a blank word document on a computer, or get old fashioned with paper and pencil. Expressing your feelings in an open and honest way without the expectation that others will see it can help you work through them.

9. Devote some time to sulk

Don’t let yourself wallow for too long, but giving yourself a half hour to sit and sulk about your unrequited love may actually help you work through those feelings and move past them. You may find that the longer time goes on, the less you’ll feel the need to sulk about them.

Soon, you’ll be living your life day-to-day without the same pain that was there before because “trying to miss out that period of sadness can mean that we don’t give ourselves a chance to process what has happened,” says relationship counselor Amanda Major.

10. Tell them how you truly feel

Expressing how you feel to the person in question may be one of the best things that you can do to help yourself both cope and move on. You don’t want to expect anything from them, because that will only lead to more heartache. Instead, simply be honest with how you feel, and how your unrequited love has been hurting you. They deserve to know how you feel about them just as much as you deserve to tell them.

Love and be both a wonderful and painful thing to go through. When you love someone who you can’t have, it can make your whole world turn upside down. Thankfully, these feelings are well known throughout the rest of the world, and you’re not alone in dealing with this type of unrequited love. Learning how to cope will make your life easier and happier than if you allowed yourself to stew in the pain of it all.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
https://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/means-love-someone-can-never/
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/how-to-get-over-someone-according-to-a-relationship-expert-a6952321.html
https://www.bustle.com/articles/164374-the-best-ways-to-get-over-your-ex-according-to-experts
https://www.elitesingles.com/mag/relationship-advice/get-over-an-ex

9 Things That Happen When You Meet The Man Of Your Dreams

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Meeting the man of your dreams (or woman!) is something that most people look forward to in life. It can take a lot of time and effort to meet the kind of man that you want to stay with for the rest of your life. Many people go through all the ups and downs inherent to relationships. Some couples date casually for a long time before knowing that they want to be together forever.

For others, it’s like love at first sight. Wedding officiant and author Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway explains, “There really is no guessing or wondering when the real thing comes along. There is usually a telltale sign that lets you know when true love has arrived – a voice in your head, a sense of recognition, or a gut feeling that this is someone special to you.”

Meeting the man of your dreams happens differently for each woman, but some things remain constant throughout each love story.

“A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” – Eat, Pray, Love

Here Are 9 Things That Happen When You Meet the Man of Your Dreams

man of your dreams

1. Your feelings will surprise you

As Fools Rush In rightly pointed out, “You’re everything I never knew I always wanted,” the strength and depth of your feelings will be a surprise to you, including how quickly those feelings are developing. It will feel like a puzzle piece that’s been missing in your life has suddenly slotted into place right where it belongs. It might be a little intimidating, but it will also feel so right. It may only take a few days or weeks for you to think deeply about your feelings for him.

2. Your new feelings will be natural

While it may be new and unfamiliar, that doesn’t mean the development of these new feelings will be uncomfortable. In fact, it will feel like the most natural thing in the world. You won’t even want to fight it! When you meet the man of your dreams, it’ll feel genuine and sincere. Nothing more emotionally pure will seem to have existed before these feelings.

3. Your attraction will continue to grow

When you first see him, you may be initially attracted to the way he looks. That’s natural. But that attraction will never falter or stagnate. In fact, your attraction will grow more and more every day. Whether this attraction is physical or emotional, you’ll find that your feelings continue to grow deeper each time the two of you talk. It’ll feel so natural that these feelings just keep growing and growing.

4. You won’t be afraid to argue

In some relationships, it can feel like every argument will be the catalyst for the end. However, that won’t be the case at all when you meet the man of your dreams. If the two of you happen to get into an argument or a disagreement, you’ll know that no matter what, your bond is strong enough to endure it. You won’t be afraid to speak your mind or stand your ground because you’ll know that your love is strong enough to withstand the occasional spat.

5. You’ll always feel appreciated

According to relationship expert Kelsey Borresen, “Soulmates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment.” The emotional compatibility between the two of you will never falter. There will be no shortage of affirmations of love and adoration. When you meet the man of your dreams, you’ll never doubt how he feels about you. This can be a rare thing in a lot of relationships, and it may be the first time you’ve ever felt like this. Be sure never to take all of that love for granted, and appreciate every moment.

soulmates

6. You find each other’s annoying habits endearing

Everyone has their little quirks. Some of these things can annoy other people, like guessing the end of the movie or singing badly off-key in the shower. Despite these silly little quirks, you can’t seem to find it in you to be annoyed with one another. In fact, you find these quirks endearing. You love the things about one another that other people might not love.

7. You share the same goals

When you meet the man of your dreams, you’ll know it by the fact that the two of you share the same vision for the future. As a clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Carmen Harra explains, “A soulmate relationship doesn’t necessarily mean both partners always share the same views, but that their overall goals and ambitions match.” Therefore, you’ll never be working against one another to achieve the kind of life you want to have because you’ll both want similar things.

8. You’ll feel safe in each other’s company

The two of you will have open communication that makes you feel safe. You’ll both feel free to tell one another anything and know that you’ll never be judged. Even if the topic of conversation is complex or emotional, it doesn’t matter. You’ll always feel as if you’re being listened to and your emotions and opinions are validated.

9. You’ll be protective of your relationship

Other people who threaten your relationship may no longer be tolerated in your life, such as a toxic friend who’s jealous of your relationship. This may be a new feeling to you. This protective feeling can feel as if it springs out of nowhere, but in reality, it is because you know that this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with, and you’ll no longer tolerate outside influences.

man of your dreams

Final Thoughts on Meeting the Man of Your Dreams

Finding the man of your dreams can be one of the most amazing experiences of your life! But don’t worry if you haven’t found him yet. Even relationships like these take time and effort. The perfect man is out there, just waiting for you. But once you meet him, you’ll definitely know it.

How Well Do You Deal With Change According To Your Zodiac Sign?

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Easier said than done, Socrates, but a great message nonetheless! Humans naturally have an aversion to change (well most of us, anyway.) We get used to doing things a certain way, and have a very hard time coping when things get changed up on us all of a sudden.

Our brains literally become wired to perform in a certain way, think in a certain way, and behave in a certain way. Throw us a curveball, and it could have us knocked right out of the park wondering what just happened.

Think of the saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” In a lot of ways, this can apply to human behavior. In fact one study actually showed that humans prefer things that have been around longer.

Simply put, we don’t like the unknown. Our evolution just isn’t set up to favor new things, period.

We survived based on information we gathered from our environment and learning how to use our surroundings to our benefit. If we had to migrate to a new place due to shortage of food or water, many of us couldn’t survive because of such a harsh and sudden change, coupled with not having the basics covered.

We would rather have the “tried and true” way than the untested, unknown, and unreliable way. This probably stems from evolution as well, because we only survived based on what we did know about our environment, not things we didn’t know.

Anyway, back to the point of the article. We all have different ways of dealing with change, and we’re going to break it down by zodiac elements as a way to categorize this management of change. Let’s get going!

How Do You Deal With Change, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

Fire Signs (Aries, Sagittarius, Leo)

Fire signs naturally have a “Just do it” approach to life. They see something they want, and they go after it. End of story. Because of their headstrong, outgoing, determined nature, they actually deal with change quite well. They’re pretty flexible, dynamic signs who can deal with life’s unknowns reasonably efficiently.

They don’t get caught up in fearing the change but rather, using the change to their advantage. They ask themselves, “Well, how can I benefit from this situation?” For example, maybe they lose their job and have to seek out new employment. Instead of fearing the unknown and letting that apprehension stop them, they go full steam ahead and fill out as many applications as possible until they have a new place to work.

They have the confidence in their abilities which allows them to handle change without too much headache.

Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)

Then, we have the opposite end of the spectrum. Water signs, in general, have deep emotions which control most of their decisions in life. When something happens, no matter if it’s bad or good, water signs will wallow in their feelings until they’ve exhausted themselves, and still feel confused about how to cope.

Water signs are usually change averse, meaning they don’t like it. Sometimes, they might even deny change until they’re forced to deal with it. For them, it’s all about comfort. If they feel uncomfortable or unsure in any way, this will throw them off balance until they’ve had ample time to adjust.

Where Fire signs can adjust well to almost any situation, water signs just need a little extra time to process it and cope with major changes.

Earth Signs (Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus)

Earth signs don’t fear change, per say, they would just really rather not deal with it. They are generally stubborn and set in their ways, and don’t like change unless they have ample information before the change occurs. However, the source of information matters greatly to them. Oftentimes, people hear about news of change from a third party, and that person might have interpreted the message differently than the speaker had intended. Thus, the message gets lost in translation, and by the time it gets to the final person, it could have an entirely different meaning. So, in conclusion, Earth signs only like change when they can have all the facts from a reliable source.

Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)

Air signs, like Fire signs, usually can adapt well to any changes. Being air signs, they simply float through life without making things too big of a production. They don’t see the point in wasting valuable energy on worrying about things they cannot change, because life is full of changes. They would rather just take things as they come and deal with the consequences of the change later. Air signs don’t like being bogged down with too much emotion – they are thinking signs, after all, and usually allow logic to run the show.

In addition, Air signs like getting affirmation from others going through something similar. Air signs don’t really keep secrets or shy away from sharing how they feel. They figure, the more people who can relate to how they’re feeling and what they’re dealing with, the easier it will be to deal with the changes in their life.

Sources:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103110001599
http://www.lamarsh.com/3-common-behaviors-of-people-faced-with-change/

5 Easy Ways to Reduce Arthritis Pain Naturally

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$1,000 to $3,000 per month for arthritis treatment?

“But what about insurance?” Per WebMD: “Even with health insurance, your out-of-pocket costs can add up to hundreds or thousands of dollars.”

Senior citizens, who constitute the vast majority of arthritis patients, are put in an extremely vulnerable position. Frankly, it’s unacceptable. But be that as it may, they are not out of options.

In this article, we focus on a few ways to naturally reduce arthritis symptoms! Please pass this information along to someone who you think may need it!

Here are a few natural remedies for arthritis and inflammatory pain:

“Biologic drugs for rheumatoid arthritis work for 2 out of the 3 people who take them … But the drugs are expensive; they cost about $1,000 to $3,000 a month.” ~ WebMD

1. Essential and Neutral Oil Rub

Essential oils demonstrate some excellent health benefits. They can relieve stress, improve blood circulation, boost the immune system, and even help you sleep.

And essential oils may alleviate arthritis pain!

Here are the necessary ingredients/items:

– One jar of chamomile, eucalyptus, lavender, or vanilla essential oil.

– Almond, avocado, coconut, or jojoba oil.

Here are the instructions:

  1. Choose one or more of the following essential oils: chamomile, eucalyptus, lavender, or vanilla.
  2. Add 10-15 drops of your oil of choice to two tablespoons to one of the following “neutral oils”: almond, avocado, coconut, or jojoba.
  3. Massage mix onto the affected area. Try and mix up oil combinations to ward off tolerance.

2. Cabbage Leaves

The application of cabbage leaf wraps is common in many places throughout the world due to the leaf’s anti-inflammatory properties. It is said that Savoy cabbage works best.

Ingredients/Items:

– Head of cabbage (Savoy cabbage is preferred)

– Chopping board and rolling pin

– Gauze bandage (for small areas) or wrap (large areas)

  1. Pull off the compacted leaves from the outer layer.
  2. Cut out the central rib (whitish, hard area of the head.)
  3. Using a chopping board and rolling pin, pound the leaves until the juices flow out.
  4. Wrap the full leaves around the affected area.
  5. Use a gauze bandage or gauze wrap to hold the leaves in place.

3. Homemade Capsaicin Rub

Capsaicin is an active compound of chili peppers – and a potent pain reliever. In fact, the compound is so effective in relieving pain, that drug companies extract and sell it as a cream (at a hefty price, of course.)

Fortunately, you needn’t visit the local pharmacy to make an effective capsaicin rub of your own!

Ingredients:

– Cayenne pepper powder

– Olive oil

– Gauze wrap or pads (if desired)

  1. Combine a few good sprinkles of cayenne pepper to 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil. Stir the pepper into the mix.
  2. Using a gauze pad, apply the rub to the affected area.

It is normal for the mix to cause a bit of a sting at first. This slight burning sensation should pass after a short period.

Note: If you have sensitive skin, or experience substantial skin irritation, discontinue use.

4. Mint Leaf Oil

Besides smelling great, mint leaves pack some fierce pain-relieving properties. For this concoction, you will need some rubbing alcohol and benzoin – an essential oil. Please note that this mixture requires a two week period before use.

Ingredients:

– Two 3.5 ounce jars

– 2 cups of fresh mint leaves

– 1 tablespoon of rubbing alcohol

– 1 tincture of benzoin (an essential oil)

  1. Fill a small jar (~ 3.5 ounces) with 2 cups of fresh mint leaves. Don’t press the leaves.
  2. Pour olive oil into the jar, filling it to the neck.
  3. Add rubbing alcohol to fill.
  4. Place the mixture in an area where it will receive plenty of sunlight. Allow the mix to sit for two weeks.
  5. Strain the mix and transfer the leaves to a clean jar or bottle.
  6. Add the benzoin until it fills the jar.

The benzoin will preserve the mixture. Please store the product in a cool and dark area. Massage onto affected areas as needed.

5. Spiced Oil Mix

This last combination again uses cayenne pepper, but is combined with fresh herbs to really hit back at the inflammation!

Ingredients/Items:

– 3-4 teaspoons of celery seeds

– 1 tablespoon of dried rosemary leaves

– 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper

– 8 ounces of almond, jojoba, or olive oil

– Coffee or spice grinder

– Coffee filter

– Glass jar

– Sterilized bottle

  1. Using a grinder, whir the seeds, rosemary, and pepper until crushed.
  2. Spoon the remains from the grinder into a jar. Add the oil.
  3. Shake thoroughly, cover the jar, and set for 10 days. Shake the jar on occasion during this period.
  4. Using a coffee filter, strain the jar’s contents into the sterilized glass bottle.
  5. Store in a cool, dark area.

Note: This mixture will last approximately six months. Check for adverse skin reactions; if none, apply the product onto afflicted area twice daily.

Sources:
http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/features/ra-biologics-cost#1
https://www.rd.com/health/conditions/natural-remedies-arthritis-relief

Researchers Reveal Why It’s OK to Go to Bed Angry

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We all know the old saying. Never go to bed angry. This seemed to be helpful advice for new couples just starting out on their adventures together. Going to bed angry was seen as letting an issue fester into something bigger than it needed to be.

However, new research has found that going to bed angry may not be as detrimental to a relationship as it once was.

A new study, which has been published in the Official Journal of International Society of Psychoneuroendocrinology, has revealed several reasons why going to bed angry is not only totally fine, but healthier for both you and your partner in the long run. The study states, “Sleep problems can boost inflammation and may jeopardize interpersonal functioning, risks that may be magnified in couples.”

Four Reasons Why It’s Okay To Go To Bed Angry

“Staying awake until the fight is resolved will lead to exhaustion the following day, which can lead to more resentment. Break the cycle. Go to bed.” – Dr. Kurt Smith

Fighting sleep deprivation

The new study published shows that when we fight with our partners on low sleep, our bodies respond with stress-related inflammations, which are heavily linked to one or both partners having a higher risk of things like cardiovascular disease or arthritis. Fighting is stressful, and so is being without sleep. When you put the two together, our bodies can sometimes be over-worked.

Dr. Kurt Smith says, “When we’re tired, our brain doesn’t function at its peak. We can’t have a productive disagreement with a half-functioning brain… Continuing an argument under these conditions will just make the argument worse.”

Also, studies have shown that couples who are less likely to go to bed until an argument is resolved are at higher risk for inflammatory-based diseases, while couples who go to bed angry are able to handle their stress better. Instead of trying to hash out the entire argument before bedtime, studies show that tabling the discussion and getting a good night’s sleep can be better for our minds and bodies.

Making sense of things

An argument against going to sleep angry had always been the REM sleep cycle – that’s where you store your memories for the day, and many thought that going to bed angry stored those hostile memories, making it harder to let go. New studies, however, show that this is actually the exact opposite.

Chairman of the board of the National Sleep Foundation and chief of sleep medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Dr. Charles Czeisler says, “In deep sleep you store memories and in REM sleep you seem to integrate those memories with other memories that you had previously learned. Insight seems to be an important element of what happens during REM sleep.”

When couples go to bed, regardless of whether or not the argument is complete, the new memories are integrated in with all of your other memories. Your brain knows what to do, and it’ll help you make more sense of both the argument and your partner’s points. You’ll be able to wake up with a new understanding.

Clear your mind

Getting a good night’s sleep is the best way to clear your mind and get a new outlook on what’s going on around you. The recent study by the Official Journal of International Society of Psychoneuroendocrinology states, “When both partners slept less, couples interacted in a more hostile way than when at least one partner slept more.”

Therefore, when someone is sleep deprived, the argument can often never end, because one or both partners are unable to see where the other is coming from. If a couple is determined not to go to bed angry, they may find that they don’t go to bed at all. However, couples who put aside an argument for the sake of a good night’s sleep may find that when they wake up, they’re able to see the argument from a whole new perspective. This can make discussing the argument easier and smoother than before.

Permanent solutions

At 3 in the morning, any solution that a couple comes up with for the end of an argument is most likely to be temporary. After all, they’re both exhausted and want to end the discussion and go to bed. Couples who refuse to table discussions and arguments may find that their solutions fall apart after a few days, or even hours, leading back to the exact same argument. However, couples who decide to go to bed, even if they’re angry, are able to come back to the argument and think of a better, longer lasting solution.

University of Missouri Extension gerontology specialist Jacquelyn Benson states, “Going to sleep and readdressing the problem the next day when our minds are rested is better than staying up until the wee hours of the morning to fight. We’re also less likely to trade escalating provocations back and forth.”

This is because you’re giving your brain time to readjust and also giving yourself time to cool off and come back to the argument with a calmer and clearer head.

Final thoughts…

Couples who often find themselves arguing late into the night should reevaluate if that solution of never going to bed angry is really working. While it may feel nice to fall asleep without an argument looming over their head, studies show that it’s just not worth it. Our bodies and brains need time to put themselves back together and heal, and sleep is the best way that our bodies know how to do that.

“When we get angry the reasonable parts of our brains—the prefrontal lobes in the front—shut down and then all the action moves to the back where our reptilian brain takes over. We get the fight or flight response, we get tunnel vision. When you’re back into your prefrontal lobes, your blood pressure is down, and the tunnel vision has expanded, then sincerely try and solve the problem,” says Dr. Robert Taibbi.

If an argument has gone on long past your bedtime, the best thing to do is table the discussion and come back after a good night’s sleep. Studies show that your body – and relationship! – will thank you for it.

References:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/06/08/why-its-ok-to-go-to-bed-angry/
http://www.psyneuen-journal.com/article/S0306-4530%2816%2930516-9/abstract
https://www.buzzfeed.com/carolynkylstra/goodnight-sleep-tight-dont-fight?utm_term=.qw02eZNMj#.gk2mbzEAB
http://extension.missouri.edu/n/2676
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201202/go-bed-angry

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