Page 1436

Relationship Experts Reveal 8 Things To Never Post On Social Media

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Social media is the wave of the future. It’s how we connect with others, from friends to family to coworkers. Social media has also changed how most people see and handle relationships. Posting everything about yourself on social media can be tempting, especially to validate a quick ‘like’ reaction.

While social media is an excellent way to interact with people when you can’t see them every day, it can also be something that can cause issues within your relationship if you’re not careful. Some things should never be shared on your social media regarding your relationship.

Here Are 8 Things About Your Relationship Never to Post On Social Media

“Everybody wants to be a celebrity, which is why we have this phenomenon of social media, where nobody wants to be private. We all want to be seen.” – Marc Jacobs

1. Keep your sexual relationship private, not on social media

Not many people want to hear what’s going on between you and your significant other, and if they do, you probably DON’T want them to be interested in the first place. While it may be tempting to talk about what a great job your partner does in bed, keep it to close friend talk or text messages with your besties. Avoid talking out in the open about what goes on behind closed doors.

2. Don’t post personal information about your partner

According to clinical sexologist and relationship expert Dawn Michael, Ph.D., “You can post things that are personal about you if you want, but don’t post things about your significant other because it becomes an invasion of their privacy.” There are some things that people want to keep private about themselves, like their nightly routines or whether or not they sleep with a stuffed animal. Even if it’s something that you find entirely endearing, your partner might not like having their details shared all over social media. After all, their co-workers may see it, making it awkward Monday morning at the office. Unless your partner has OK’d it, try to keep personal details to a minimum.

3. Refrain from telling the world about your arguments

Don’t ever post your lover’s quarrels publicly! Not only does it invite people who aren’t involved in the argument, but it can be uncomfortable for both of you. Michael continued, “Never put your significant other down on social media, or talk about a fight that the two of you had or are having. When that argument is over, you may seriously regret saying anything because now people will have a negative impression of your partner.”

Keeping arguments between yourselves and learning to work them out is far better than airing your dirty laundry in public. After all, your friends and family will take your side, and you could paint an unfair picture of your partner. Once the fight ends, you’ll be much happier that it will stay between you.

4. Unapproved pictures of your significant other without permission

When you sneak a picture of your partner sleeping in a funny position, it may be cute and endearing to you – but keep it to yourself until your partner has had a chance to approve whether or not you post it. Your partner may not enjoy a picture of themselves drooling onto your pillow going viral. Besides, when you get permission, you’ll know you’re both having fun and enjoying the recognition the picture gets.

5. Don’t post mean jokes about your partner

Marriage and family therapist Aaron Anderson states, “When you bring funny things your spouse did up in the right circles, there’s no harm done. But when you post their screw-ups on social media, there’s no context behind it and there’s no filter for what crowd they get shared with. Regardless of how cute you thought it was, your spouse may not want your mother or your college ex to know about it.”

You can’t translate either tone or intent over text. While you can make mean-spirited jokes to your partner in person, and they’ll be able to tell you’re just teasing them, it’s not the same over social media. The minute you put a mean joke about your partner on social media, you’re no longer able to control the tone and intent of the joke. Other people are going to see that joke and not understand the context. If you’ll tease your partner, keep it to text messages!

6. Don’t post passive-aggressive complaints about your partner

Not only will stumbling across a vague post about your partner make them feel bad, but it’ll also dent your communication ability. If you have a problem with your partner, tell them! The both of you will work it out much faster than if they have to figure out that you’re upset by a Facebook or Twitter post. Also, it’ll keep other people out of your drama.

7. Refrain from posts that are seeking validation

Everyone loves getting notifications whenever they post something on social media. It can be addictive! But try to avoid posting things that seek validation about your partner – from whether or not you two are compatible to pictures of you two kissing. If you’re happy together, that’s all that matters! No one else’s approval matters but your own. Once you learn to ditch the validation, you’ll be much happier.

8. Stop posting disparaging posts about your partner’s ex or prior relationship

Even if your partner’s last relationship was a disaster, keeping the trash talk to yourself is better. When you post about your partner’s ex, it only makes you look insecure in your relationship.

According to relationship expert Neely Steinberg, “It may be tempting to comment on your partner’s ex — especially if he or she is meddling in your relationship — but airing your grievances on social media is passive aggressive. Keep these matters between the two of you; your 1000 friends don’t need to know.” If your partner has chosen you over other people they’ve dated, they’ve done so for a reason! Enjoy being the chosen one and leave past relationships in the past.

Final Thoughts on Keeping Relationship Details off of Social Media

Social media can be fun and a great way to connect. It can also feel nice to show off your relationship a little – but in the right ways! Avoid this faux pas when posting about your relationship on social media. Not everything has to go up on Facebook or Twitter; the more you keep between you and your partner, the stronger your relationship will be. After all, you don’t need everyone else’s noses in your business!

Researchers Reveal What Drinking Black Coffee Says About Your Personality

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Coffee is one of America’s favorite drinks. Some take it with one lump or two of sugar, while others load it with so much cream that a glass of milk might be a better option. Then there are the folks who drink their java straight-up black.

It takes solid tastebuds and an excellent stomach to drink a bitter, warm drink with no additions to balance the flavor. Did you know that how you drink your cup of Joe might link directly to your personality? While it may sound bizarre, scientific studies back up this idea.

What Does Drinking Black Coffee Says About Your Personality?

The University of Innsbruck in Austria conducted a study to see how coffee connects to personalities. Nine hundred fifty-three people did two different experiments for the research. Each person filled out a questionnaire that identified their food preferences.

Next, the head researchers, Christina Sagioglou and Tobias Greitemeyer, asked the folks about personality factors. The queries were to show if the person had traits of things like narcissism and psychopathic tendencies. Folks who preferred the taste of bitter foods, such as the tang found in beer, black coffee, and radishes, were more susceptible to mental health issues along the malevolent line.

While people who loaded their drink with sugar and creamer were calmer and gentler and not predisposed to such things, remember that this is just one study, and further studies are needed to prove such things. Some experts believe this study was flawed, and indeed, everyone who takes their coffee strong and black doesn’t automatically indicate that they have a mental health disorder.

Flaws in the Black Coffee Study

Some studies are argumentative as they offer bizarre findings, and this one can fit into that category. For it to be proven that those folks who drink black coffee are more prone to psychotic tendencies, there would need to be further testing, brain scans, and more in-depth research beyond a questionnaire.

Anytime you have self-reported data, it should be considered cautiously. It’s easy for a person to label their personalities based on how they feel in the moment. If they’ve recently had a bad experience, they might rank themselves lower than they usually would on such a report.

Another thing to consider with studies like this is that taste is subjective, and what some might think is bitter; others might describe it differently. So, looking at a list of foods and objectively categorizing them based on taste would be different for each person, which leaves room for error in the findings.

Someone who is a psychopath presents with some of the following signs:

Dishonest
Manipulative
Obsessive
Uses guilt to harm others emotionally
Believing that they’re perfect and on a higher level than other folks
Using manipulative tactics to get what they want
Impulsive
Irresponsible
Prone to thrill-seeking

While it was an interesting study and one that certainly makes you pause, the research isn’t sufficient to base such an opinion. This is especially true when attempting to label someone with such a severe personality. Don’t fret the next time you’re out with friends or on a date; they order black coffee, as it’s a fascinating conversation.

Drink Preferences and Your Personality

Thankfully, more than just one round of research is present on the matter. Another team, was led by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist from Santa Monica. Personality and all types of coffee drinks. He recorded the study in his bestselling book You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life.

Her research was a bit different than that conducted at the University of Innsbruck. Each of the 1,000 participants was given everyday situations and asked how they would respond. They were simple things like how you feel when standing in a long line and food preferences. The results from this study were a little more in line with what one would expect.

1. Black Coffee

The folks in the study who drank their coffee black were more old-school. They didn’t like all the thrills and frills and were more simplistic. These folks want to keep things simple, and they tend to be patient and very efficient.

She did find that they had some dark sides, as everyone does. They tend to be moody at times, are headstrong and set in their ways, and can be abrupt and dismissive. Additionally, these people are resistant to change and fight it. Indeed, nothing about this study showed any psychopathic tendencies but rather someone more old-fashioned.

2. Milk, Cream, and Sugar Coffee

Those who preferred their coffee in more latte form were different. Consumers of lattes tend to be people-pleasers and comfort seekers. These folks are an open book, but they tend to camouflage bitter things in life, much like their coffee.

These individuals are known for going out of their way to help others, as their generosity is one thing that shined through. One problem she noticed with their personalities was that they often don’t make time for self-care and can quickly become overextended.

3. Frozen and Blended Coffee

If you’re one of the folks who take your coffee on ice, you’re in another league. The black coffee drinker wouldn’t even call you a real coffee drinker, as this is more of a shake with a kick. The study found that these folks are bold trendsetters and don’t have a problem trying new things.

Dr. Durvasula found that these folks are more childlike and tend to be spontaneous and imaginative. On the darker side of their personality, they can be reckless and don’t always make the best choices.

4. Very Specifically Ordered Coffee

If you’re a non-fat, sugar-free mocha latte, hold the whip; you would fall into this category. Anyone with a specialty coffee that takes the barista a minute to comprehend your complex blend is a specialty coffee drinker. Their coffee choice shows that they like to be in control.

This person is very conscious about their bodies and what goes into them. They can also be a little bit of a perfectionist and obsessive. While making healthy choices about their body, they tend to stick to the rules. They want everything done according to their master plan and have little wiggle room for error. Sadly, they tend to be worrisome and fret when things don’t go their way.

5. Instant Coffee

The last section reported was on those who drink instant coffee. These folks are more laid back, look for the easy way out, and don’t tend to procrastinate a bit. They try not to get so lost in the details of things, as they prefer to take life as it comes.

Their negative aspects were that they were too laid back sometimes, putting off essential things, like their health issues. These folks aren’t much for planning, as they prefer to go through life as a free spirit and winging it.

Making Sense of the Research on the Link Between Personality and Drinking Black Coffee

The second study was slightly more of what you would expect when examining coffee drinkers and food preferences. People who like black coffee are generally more no-nonsense, which is far from psychopathic. Dr. Durvasula surmised from the study that the type of coffee you drink no more has a bearing on your personality than your astrological sign.

You can be a controlling person and drink lattes, or you may drink black coffee and be a detail-oriented, compassionate individual. On a grander scale, your choices in life often say a lot about you. Your choices throughout life can shape you for the good or bad, but your coffee preferences will only be a minute part of this equation.

Your personality may influence the sphere of your life, romantic relationships, jobs, attitudes, and perceptions, but it’s not something that can’t be altered. It might be harder to change when you have a dominant personality that thinks you’re always right, but it’s not impossible.

By thinking positively, using mindfulness, and adopting an attitude of gratitude, you can change your entire life. Many factors, such as genetics, temperament, and atmosphere, dictate your mental health and personality. However, you should not fear change, as change is essential to help you grow.

Final Thoughts on Drinking Black Coffee

Though your coffee habits tell a small part about you, it’s insignificant. Yet, if you drink black coffee, you might want to venture out and try some sugar or a little creamer.

Sometimes, it’s mentally healthy to get out of the rut, as it can do wonders to shake up your mundane routine. It’s nice to veer a bit off the road most traveled and try something spontaneous and adventurous.

10 Habits Of People Who Are Always Happy

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Happiness comes in waves, but people can also create their own happiness. Even when the daily grind feels like too much, there’s always the people who are happy and positive. Learning how to deal with the things that life can throw in a healthy and constructive way can lead to happier people. But how do they do it?

Happy people aren’t just that way by accident! People who somehow manage to stay more positive than others work hard at practicing the right kind of habits that help them deal with the world. If you find that you are longing to be a happier person, there’s no need to fret. You, too, can practice the daily habits of a happy person.

10 Successful Habits Of Incredibly Happy People That Will Benefit You

1. Take a day all for yourself because you deserve it

It’s okay to be ambitious and to take care of other people, but happy people also know when to set aside a day to take care of themselves!

According to Dr. Aymee Coget, “By not taking a little time out of each day for yourself, you might be less happy than possible. Start by focusing on yourself. Acknowledge that your own happiness is important and practice happiness-boosting routines.”

Self-care is an important habit that’s practiced by happy people. Taking even just one day a week to enjoy yourself and take care of your mental health will improve your disposition.

2. Reach out to a friend and release your worries

Sometimes, things in life can get overwhelming. Instead of bottling it all up, happy people have learned to open up and reach out to their support network. Friends are the perfect people to release all your worries to. They make a good sounding board, and can often offer great advice. Remember to be there for them, too!

3. Make lists and finish them by organizing your time

To-do lists are the perfect way to deal with a busy schedule. Happier people organize the things that need to be done in a list, and then make sure that list gets done! No matter how big or small, whatever needs to get done that day goes on the list. You’ll be amazed how happy and accomplished you feel once the list is complete.

4. Do something kind for another person

Doing good and being a good person is proven to make you feel better and happier. When you bring happiness to someone else, you’ll remember how good it feels to be kind – and hopefully, that person will pay it forward!

According to Dr. Oliver Scott Curry from the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology, “Humans are social animals. We are happy to help family, friends, colleagues, community members and even strangers under some conditions. This research suggests that people do indeed derive satisfaction from helping others.”

Helping each other is the only way to make the world around us more positive with each good deed.

5. Cut toxic people out of your life no matter how difficult it feels

The thing that happier people all have it commons is not being surrounded by toxic people. Whether this person is a friend, partner or family member, your emotional well-being is more important than pleasing a toxic, negative or manipulative person.

6. Make sure that you don’t skip meals and that you eat healthy food

Happy people eat, and that’s just a fact. This doesn’t mean you need to eat unhealthily, but skipping meals and undereating will only make you feel tired and weak, and it’s hard to feel happy when you’re hungry.

Professor Andrew Oswald says, “Eating fruit and vegetables apparently boosts our happiness far more quickly than it improves human health.” Make time in your schedule to eat, and your body will thank you for it.

7. Make sure your work area is clean and clutter-free

Whether this is a home, apartment, studio, or just the office workspace, happy people have happy spaces. Cleaning up loose cups, garbage or papers will make your mind feel less anxious. Plus, it’s so much nicer to spend time in a clean area instead of having to worry about when the next time you’ll clean it is.

8. Treat yourself because you deserve something nice too

Happy people know when they deserve something nice. As long as you don’t go overboard or make a bad habit out of it, shopping and treating yourself to something nice is a good way to keep your mood elevated. Try using this as a reward for getting work done, or finishing a big project!

9. Think positively no matter what influences your thoughts

This one can be hard, especially if you’re used to thinking negatively. The fact of the matter is, happier people focus on positive thinking. Rather than using negative words in their self-talk, happy people use a more positive outlook. Once you’ve mastered how to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, you’ll be well on your way to being happier every single day.

10. In the end, remember to forgive yourself because no one is perfect

The mistakes that we make don’t define us, and people who live happier lives know the power that forgiveness can have. So, forgive yourself for taking that extra year off college, or turning down a job offer. Life is going to keep moving forward, so we might as well be as kind to ourselves as we can!

Learning happiness is different for everyone, but everyone can do it. Each person deserves to live a happier life, and the habits that lead you down that path are effective, healthy and can even help make the people around you more positive! Be kind to yourself, and remember that it’s okay if you don’t notice a change overnight. Some of these take time- but they’re so worth the effort!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

References
Increase Your Happiness by Making Time for Yourself http://www.blogher.com/increase-your-happiness-making-time-yourself
Being kind to others does make you ‘slightly happier’ http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2016-10-05-being-kind-others-does-make-you-slightly-happier
Fruit and veggies give you the feel-good factor https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160710094239.htm

5 Signs You Have Sun Poisoning

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

When summer comes around, going out to the beach or the park when the sun is out just seems natural. Sometimes, though, we don’t always remember our sunscreen. When we spend all day out in the sun, most people expect to get a little tan, or maybe even a bit of redness or sunburn.

However, this isn’t the only danger to consider when you’re out in the sun all day. When you get too much sun, your skin becomes damaged by the UV rays. While it isn’t technically poisoning, it’s a name given to sunburn that is so severe that it affects the rest of your immune system. Here’s how to tell if your sunburn has turned into sun poisoning.

5 Signs You Are Suffering From Sun Poisoning

So how do you know if you have sun poisoning? And what does sun poisoning feel like? Here are some of the main symptoms and signs that you may be suffering from sun poisoning. Severe sunburns and subsequent sun poisoning can take effect after a relatively short time in the sun, so it is important to prevent sunburns with protective clothing and sunscreen, and treat with typical sunburn relief methods as soon as possible when the symptoms start to arise.

“A severe sunburn can be the start of this problem, which can increase over time until people cannot tolerate any sun exposure at all.” – Dr. Andrew Weil

1. You’re experiencing flu-like symptoms

When you spend too much time in the sun, the damage done by UV rays can release chemicals into your body that then turn on your immune system. The achy, flu-like feeling that results is caused by sun poisoning. While it isn’t technically poisoning, it’s a name given to sunburn that is so severe that it affects the rest of your immune system.

According to dermatologist John Anthony, “When the skin is damaged by UV rays, it releases chemicals that basically turn on the immune system and make you feel terrible like you’ve got the flu.” So, if it’s summertime and you feel like you’ve got the flu, this could be a sign that you’ve got sun poisoning. Visit your doctor if you’re feeling like you caught the flu after a day at the beach.

2. Your skin starts prickling and gets too hot to touch

When you get regular sunburn, your skin is hot to the touch and it becomes uncomfortable with pressure — you might feel like you are having an allergic reaction. However, sun poisoning is going to hurt way, way worse. While sunburns tend not to hurt if you leave them alone, sun poisoning will cause a prickling sensation all over your body, and can cause pain so severe you may feel like screaming.

To relieve the pain, ensure you get a cool compress, aloe gel and ibuprofen to wait out the pain.

3. You start feeling dizzy or lightheaded

A combination of too much sun and dehydration can leave you feeling dizzy, nauseous and suffering through a mighty headache. If your head feels lightheaded, the best thing to do is get plenty of rest and stay hydrated. Drink plenty of fluids and lay down if you have to.

According to Dr. Richard Foxx, “You might start to feel dizzy, have bouts of nausea, or have a headache (to name a few), along with a sun rash. It’s important to note that sunstroke symptoms differ from sun poisoning and sunburn. Drink plenty of fluids for a few days. Ensure a few of these have electrolytes in them so your body gets rebalanced.”

Spending too much time in the sun can make you sweat, which will can quickly dehydrate your body and lead to that uncomfortable, dizzy feeling.

4. You start running a fever or just feel feverish

A fever means that your body is trying to fight something off. If you feel like you’re getting feverish when you’re out in the sun, or just after you come inside, it’s best to call your doctor or visit the urgent care. Spiking a fever means something is going wrong inside your body, and the cause could be sun poisoning.

To avoid this, make sure that the next time you go out in the sun, you apply sunscreen at least a half an hour before heading out, and to keep reapplying every couple of hours.

5. You start falling asleep in the sun

It can be so tempting to just drift off to sleep while laying on the beach or poolside. However, when you’re asleep you can’t accurately gauge how much sun your body is getting and whether or not you need to move inside. Sunburn can happen fairly quickly, and it can take a few hours to a whole night for the effects to reach their maximum potency. Try to avoid this kind of long term sun exposure, especially without protective clothing, but if you happen to fall asleep in the sun, take precautions and stay hydrated, even if you think you might be feeling okay.

Sun poisoning can be incredibly uncomfortable, and while not often fatal, it still isn’t fun. After a day in the sun, monitor your skin for any redness and keep hydrated just in case you spend too long enjoying the warm weather. There are ways to soothe a sunburn after being in the sun, but the best way to ensure you don’t get sun poisoning while you’re out and about is to follow medical advice and apply sunscreen 30 minutes before you leave the house.

If you’re swimming at the beach or the pool, apply every two hours afterward when you get out of the water. Stay hydrated as well! Make sure you always have water with you. If you are worried that you might be experiencing something beyond a regular sunburn, contact your local health care professional, and follow their medical advice. You’ll sweat more than you realize when you’re out in the sun, especially if you’re swimming. Summer is always fun, but it’s crucial to ensure safety comes first!

References
6 Silent Signs Your Sunburn Is Actually Sun Poisoning http://www.rd.com/health/conditions/signs-of-sun-poisoning/
Symptoms of Sun Poisoning (Sunburn) http://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/symptoms-of-sun-poisoning/

10 Sentences To Never Say In A Relationship

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

No relationship is easy. Fights can happen, arguments can arise, and in the heat of the moment, we all can sometimes say things that we don’t mean to. While our mouths often run off without our brains, it’s important to make sure that nothing we say during an argument can lead to deeply hurt feelings or a loss of trust – or to making the argument worse!

So, even when in the middle of an argument, there are definitely things that shouldn’t be said.

Here Are 10 Sentences You Should Never Say In A Relationship

1. “You’re overreacting.”

This is the easiest way to invalidate someone’s emotions. Suggesting that your partner is overreacting is the easiest way to lead to hurt feelings. Besides, in the middle of an argument, emotions are going to be running high. Acknowledging how the other person feels is the best way to deal with those emotions. Suggesting that they’re over-the-top or unnecessary is only going to make the other person even more upset.

2. “You let me down.”

Even if your partner did disappoint you, it’s best to explain exactly how and why. Rather than pulling the disappointment card and making the other person feel guilty, try explaining the expectations that you had and what can be done in the future to help you and your partner achieve the needed goal. Trying to make the other person feel guilty isn’t going to solve the problem; it’ll just make it worse.

3. “Calm down.”

There’s nothing that can rile a person up more than hearing someone tell them to calm down when they’re not even close to overreacting. If they were throwing objects or screaming, this might be an appropriate phrase. However, if your partner is legitimately upset and expressing their emotions, albeit passionately, telling them to “calm down” is only going to have the opposite effect – while minimizing how they feel. It’s best to let the other person say what they need to say and express how they feel.

4. “Just drop it.”

Sometimes, we all need to step away from an argument for our own mental health. However, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this. According to licensed mental health counselor Nicki Nance, “Don’t say anything dismissive in the middle of a conversation as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable. Dropping a conversation midway diminishes the importance of the relationship and makes your partner feel unheard.”

If the argument is getting to be too much, simply asking, “Can we take a break from this?” can pause the discussion until both people are feeling more capable of continuing. However, telling someone to “just drop it” is shutting down the discussion, locking the door, and throwing away the key.

5. “You’re such a…”

If this is followed by any kind of expletive, or anything other than “…kind and caring partner”, you might want to forgo finishing that sentence. Name-calling is not only immature, but it doesn’t get the argument anywhere. In fact, if can be downright mean and one person can feel legitimately hurt when their partner resorts to name-calling or swearing in the middle of an argument. Sometimes, we say things we don’t mean – and we can’t always take them back afterward.

6. “Maybe we should break up.”

Threatening to walk out and leave the relationship during an argument is both manipulative and the cause of mistrust and hurt feelings. The only thing that pulling this particular card will do is make the other person feel like they have to walk on eggshells during a disagreement to avoid being broken up with. Out of all the things never to say during an argument or in the heat of the moment, this is the big one.

7. “You don’t know anything.”

“Making someone feel worthless is harmful as it cuts to the core value of a person. It’s emotionally and spiritually violent, and it chips away at a person’s self-worth.” – Natasha Sandy

Differing opinions and disagreements happen in relationships all the time. Whether or not you and your partner agree has no bearing on what your partner does or doesn’t know. The only thing this phrase will do is make the other person feel small. It’s possible to disagree, even during an argument, in a respectful manner that doesn’t insult the other person’s intelligence. According to counselor and therapist Natasha Sandy, “It’s much easier to stop yourself from saying such disrespectful, hurtful words than it is to try undoing the damage afterward.”

8. “You’re being crazy.”

Emotions can run high, but just because someone is emotional doesn’t mean that they’re not thinking logically. Dismissing someone’s reality is cruel and unfair, and it’ll only serve to make the other person distrusting in the relationship and less prone to sharing how they’re really feeling. Allow your partner to explain and share their feelings and their perception of the situation without dismissing how they feel.

9. “It’s fine.”

Only say “it’s fine”, if it really is fine, and then make sure to follow up with an assurance that yes, it is actually fine. If it – whatever it is – isn’t actually fine, then your partner needs to know. While it may work to smooth over a bump in the road, the underlying problem in the foundation will still be there. The only way for things to be fine is if they’re worked on by both partners, not if one partner is running away from the argument.

10. “I’m done.”

When someone says “I’m done”, the meaning is quite clear to their partner: they’re not worth fighting for. According to licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, “This statement sends a very abrupt and dismissive message to your partner that they can become expendable in an instant.”

If you’re not really done, don’t say that you are. Again, this will only make the other person feel as if they have to be careful about what they say or feel, or risk being walked away from. If you need to step away from the argument, that’s one thing. But don’t throw it all away on one little fight!

Even in the middle of a passionate argument, it’s important that we keep our heads about us. Saying something we don’t mean can damage a relationship, and there are always some things that are said that can’t be taken back. Arguments can always be put on hold if we feel like we may say or do something we’ll regret.

5 Smart Ways To Deal With A Hostile Ex

August 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience a hostile ex-partner. However, if you do find yourself in the situation where you have an ex that won’t leave you alone or is plaguing you with texts, phone calls, or even threats, you need to know how to handle it. Break-ups can be messy, and not all of them end amicably.

When an ex-partner refuses to accept that they’re no longer part of the other person’s life, it can lead to some pretty scary situations. The most important thing to know is to stay smart and stay safe. It may be tempting to plan revenge against an ex-partner who is stalking and threatening you, but the goal is to not antagonize them into further action. Here are some tips on how to deal with a hostile ex while staying positive.

5 Smart Ways To Tell Your Hostile Ex To Leave You Alone

“When suspicion and hostility is allowed to fester, it can erupt into unrest.” – Loretta Lynch

1. Figure out what your ex wants and talk it through

This can be anything from acknowledging their feelings, to getting back together. If it’s the former, try and figure out what feelings they need validated and see if you can talk through them in a positive and healthy manner that doesn’t dissolve into name-calling and arguments.

If it’s the latter, make it clear that you have no intentions of getting back together. It may be tempting to try and placate them with a vague “someday, maybe”, but this will only add fuel to the fire in the long run. The goal is here is to figure out what they want from you so that you can figure out how best to get them to leave you alone.

2. Don’t take the bait and be part of the scheme to get your attention

You may notice that if your ex is not getting the response out of you that they desire, they may move on to other tactics to get your attention. For instance, they may create false emergencies to get you to speak to them, or they may threaten self-harm or suicide. If you’re worried, contact someone close to them who can help – either to assist them in a real emergency, or talk them down from doing something self-destructive to get your attention.

Err on the side of caution if your ex is continually leaving you hanging with cliff hangers and promises of discovered secrets. Chances are, they’re just trying to get you to talk to them.

3. Don’t meet up with your ex unless absolutely necessary

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Ron L. Deal, “Face-to-face interaction has the most potential for conflict. Use the phone when possible or even talk to their answering machine if personal communication erupts into arguments.” Sometimes, you just can’t avoid seeing your ex-partner, especially if you’re going through a divorce or there are kids involved.

If your ex is particularly hostile, you should only meet up with them in populated areas to avoid public outbursts, or to have witnesses to any kind of harassment – verbal or otherwise. If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, bringing a friend with you is good.

Your ex may not feel like lashing out in front of someone else, and there can always be someone there to make sure that help can be called if needed.

4. Document everything, whether it’s a phone call, messages or emails

If your ex is stalking you or leaving you threatening text messages and voicemails, you’re going to want to save everything. Or if your ex is coming to your house and trying to get you to let them in, record the incident on your phone either with the camera of voice memo. If, God forbid, you have to get the law involved, physical evidence is going to hold up a lot better than he said-she said.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Virginia Gilbert, “Do not listen to conventional wisdom that your ex will “move on” in time. Well-adjusted people move on; high-conflict personalities never quench their thirst for revenge and their desire to feel like “the good one.” Document everything; save hostile e-mails, take screen shots of abusive texts, note every violation of your court orders.”

Let your ex’s calls go to voicemail and save any threatening or harassing messages. If the only time that they threaten you is when you pick up the phone, have a voice recorder and put the phone on speaker so you can record everything they’re saying.

5. Have a support network to confide in when you feel defeated

Whether your support network is close friends or family members, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with this alone. Keeping a network of people who can support you during this time means that you are not only getting the emotional support you need to handle the situation, but it can also serve as a warning that your ex may approach them in the coming days for information about you. Friends and family can also help document anything your ex does that is worrying, harassing, or threatening.

Hostile ex-partners can be scary, but a way to handle them can keep you safe. Knowing the right course of action means you’re already ahead of them. While your ex’s actions may be largely driven by negative emotions, you’ll have the tools to deal with the situation while staying safe, positive and smart. Remember: never fight fire with fire when it comes to a hostile ex. It can be tempting to retaliate, but it may not stop your ex’s behavior. Don’t be afraid to call the police if you need to. Making sure you and everyone else involved stays safe is the number one priority!

References:
Dealing with a Difficult Ex-Spouse: 10 Tips to Help You Cope https://smartstepfamilies.com/view/dealing-with-a-difficult-ex-spouse
What Therapists Don’t Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virginia-gilbert-mft/what-therapists-dont-tell_b_2622776.html

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

Here Are 8 Things About Your Relationship Never to Post On Social Media

1. Keep your sexual relationship private, not on social media

2. Don’t post personal information about your partner

3. Refrain from telling the world about your arguments

4. Unapproved pictures of your significant other without permission

5. Don’t post mean jokes about your partner

6. Don’t post passive-aggressive complaints about your partner

7. Refrain from posts that are seeking validation

8. Stop posting disparaging posts about your partner’s ex or prior relationship

Final Thoughts on Keeping Relationship Details off of Social Media

What Does Drinking Black Coffee Says About Your Personality?

Flaws in the Black Coffee Study

Drink Preferences and Your Personality

1. Black Coffee

2. Milk, Cream, and Sugar Coffee

3. Frozen and Blended Coffee

4. Very Specifically Ordered Coffee

5. Instant Coffee

Making Sense of the Research on the Link Between Personality and Drinking Black Coffee

Final Thoughts on Drinking Black Coffee

10 Successful Habits Of Incredibly Happy People That Will Benefit You

1. Take a day all for yourself because you deserve it

2. Reach out to a friend and release your worries

3. Make lists and finish them by organizing your time

4. Do something kind for another person

5. Cut toxic people out of your life no matter how difficult it feels

6. Make sure that you don’t skip meals and that you eat healthy food

7. Make sure your work area is clean and clutter-free

8. Treat yourself because you deserve something nice too

9. Think positively no matter what influences your thoughts

10. In the end, remember to forgive yourself because no one is perfect

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Signs You Are Suffering From Sun Poisoning

1. You’re experiencing flu-like symptoms

2. Your skin starts prickling and gets too hot to touch

3. You start feeling dizzy or lightheaded

4. You start running a fever or just feel feverish

5. You start falling asleep in the sun

References 6 Silent Signs Your Sunburn Is Actually Sun Poisoning http://www.rd.com/health/conditions/signs-of-sun-poisoning/ Symptoms of Sun Poisoning (Sunburn) http://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/symptoms-of-sun-poisoning/

Here Are 10 Sentences You Should Never Say In A Relationship

1. “You’re overreacting.”

2. “You let me down.”

3. “Calm down.”

4. “Just drop it.”

5. “You’re such a…”

6. “Maybe we should break up.”

7. “You don’t know anything.”

8. “You’re being crazy.”

9. “It’s fine.”

10. “I’m done.”

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Smart Ways To Tell Your Hostile Ex To Leave You Alone

1. Figure out what your ex wants and talk it through

2. Don’t take the bait and be part of the scheme to get your attention

3. Don’t meet up with your ex unless absolutely necessary

4. Document everything, whether it’s a phone call, messages or emails

5. Have a support network to confide in when you feel defeated

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

Stay Connected With

Us

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

References
6 Silent Signs Your Sunburn Is Actually Sun Poisoning http://www.rd.com/health/conditions/signs-of-sun-poisoning/
Symptoms of Sun Poisoning (Sunburn) http://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/symptoms-of-sun-poisoning/

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist