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5 Secrets You Should Never Hide From Your Partner

June 8, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Most marriage counselors believe in the importance of complete disclosure between partners. We must curb lying from “little white lies” to closeted skeletons. The rationale for full disclosure is relatively straightforward: all cards are on the table, and no secrets in our past life can come back to bite us. Putting everything out there in plain sight is an act of honesty, integrity, courage, and strength. The bottom line, the foundation of a healthy relationship relies on trust.

“Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust.” – Dave Willis.

Never Hide These Five Things From Your Partner

Here are some shared secrets you shouldn’t hide from your partner:

1. Secrets from your past

There’s a time and place for everything; disclosing your past is an excellent example. This “talk” generally occurs during the early phases of a serious relationship – and certainly before marriage.

Your past may not define you, but it has molded you, and sharing these experiences with your partner helps them understand the person you’ve become. Abuse history, alcohol/drug history, family history, and sexual history are examples of past events.

2. Health-related secrets

“Through sickness and in health” is an oft-cited phrase in wedding vows, and for a good reason.

Most people who refrain from divulging health-related information do so with good intentions: they don’t want their partner to worry. Or, they believe, “I can handle it myself.”

We often imagine our health problems as a vast relationship barrier, but this is rarely true. If your partner loves and cares about you, they’ll walk by your side with unwavering support.

3. Financial secrets

Statistics show that 40 to 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce – and money problems are the leading causes. Two people with different money values, for example, if one is an impulse buyer and the other is a habitual saver, must reconcile these differences and come to an understanding.

Entering a partnership/marriage should end any “my money, your money” ways of thinking. It is no longer your money or their money but yours.

Financial transparency is crucial to relationship happiness and, quite possibly, relationship sustainability.

4. Relationship Secrets

Relationship experts differ on whether or not to discuss past relationships. Rationally, some guy or gal you dated – and any irrelevant details – needn’t be brought up.

Of course, if a “past” involving an ex still affects you, your partner should be made aware. Dr. Helen Fisher, the chief scientific advisor to Match.com, states:

“The brain really does remember (these effects), and it remembers this forever. (It’s) entirely possible that the brain is built this way so that you can remember why it didn’t work so that you can do it better the next time.”

5. Intimacy Secrets

Being in a relationship is a profoundly intimate experience that involves constant communication. Even long-married couples still have trouble sharing their true feelings about things. This is particularly true if one person feels their relational needs go unmet.

Avoiding communication – about emotional needs, goals, and dreams, sexual desires, anything at all – can, and likely will, create mounting problems in your relationship.

How to Reveal Your Secrets to Your Partner

Almost all couples have a least a few secrets they’ve kept from their partner. If you have kept anything from your significant other, it’s likely time to clear the air and get it out. However, that’s easier said than done, but some tips can help you vocalize the situation.

Step 1: Be Truthful

When you tell your partner about your situation, ensure you’re honest. If you reveal something but you’re not entirely truthful, it won’t help. Don’t bend the truth to spare your partner’s feelings or make yourself look better.

Be straightforward and get the truth out there right now. If you don’t, the truth could come out later, destroying whatever trust your partner had for you. It’s not worth the risk, and bending the truth won’t make you feel better.

Step 2: Determine What You Want the Result to Be

Spend some time thinking about how you want this situation to go. Decide what you want to happen, but prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario just in case. If you know what you want, you’ll better understand how you should handle the situation.

However, if you don’t know, you’ll go into the conversation without a result in mind, potentially hindering the process. You never know your partner’s response to your secret will be, even if you try to guess, and you may end up with the best or worst-case scenario. Since you never know, prepare for both situations, but keep your desired result in mind.

Additionally, start taking action immediately to get on track for your desires. It’ll show your partner that you’re serious about what you want, increasing the chances that they will react the way you want them to.

Step 3: Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and location can make a difference when you divulge a secret to your partner. Sometimes waiting to tell bad news or have a difficult discussion is appropriate. Don’t divulge a secret during a holiday or special event because they’ll always associate the situation with the day.

Additionally, you’ll want to wait until you have your facts straight before beginning the conversation. However, don’t wait weeks or months to divulge the information. Wait until you have your partner’s undivided attention, too.

When it comes to choosing a place, avoid public locations. You never know how your partner will react; no one wants a public scene. Your partner also won’t want to break down or process important information with others staring at them.

Step 4: Plan How You Will Handle It

Describe what you will say or do when telling your partner your secrets. Thinking about how you want the situation to go is essential, but planning for either scenario is also important.

If the secret you must tell your partner involves a life change, come up with some solutions before telling them. Having solutions will lessen the impact of your news, even if it’s still not ideal. If you don’t have answers, give your partner a generalized plan about what’s coming next.

If your secret doesn’t involve a life change, it requires little planning. Consider what you will say to your partner, and plan how to respond to their reaction.

Step 5: Practice What You Want to Say

Don’t go into the situation without practicing what you want to say first. Rehearse what you plan to say aloud while looking in the mirror or to a trusted friend. Saying it aloud helps you recognize areas that need work or don’t sound how you wanted.

Suppose you have a friend who can help, ask them to give feedback on your speech. They can help you get it right, improving your chances of a beneficial conversation with your partner. Additionally, it’ll help you become more comfortable sharing your secret.

Step 6: Stay Calm

You don’t want to panic when you tell your partner your secret. Take some time to calm down before beginning the conversation. Otherwise, your partner will be worked up, too, and they won’t be as likely to handle it well.

Even if you have the worst-case scenario in mind, take a few deep breaths to help calm down. Your energy will affect how the situation goes. Remember that you’re strong, and everyone makes mistakes.

Step 7: Take Responsibility

When you do something wrong, taking responsibility for it is essential. Own up to the situation and admit when you need to make some changes in your life. When you take responsibility, your partner will take the news much better than if you try to downplay the situation.

Don’t minimize your role or act like it’s not a big deal. Additionally, don’t blame anyone else or imply that it doesn’t have anything to do with your significant other. Taking responsibility shows you’re willing to do the work to grow and learn.

When you take responsibility, make sure you apologize, too. Apologizing is often overlooked but can make a difference in the outcome.

9 Reasons Why Honesty Strengthens Relationships

While everyone keeps secrets sometimes, they can stand in the way of a healthy relationship. Honesty is the best way to strengthen your relationship, so don’t hesitate to be forthcoming.

1. Helps Build a Healthy Foundation

Research shows that honesty in a relationship encourages a sense of strength and reliability. Being vulnerable enough to tell the truth, helps build a healthy foundation. Openness also promotes life satisfaction and self-control, increasing your chances of lasting relationships.

2. Encourages Healthy Communication

Anytime you keep a secret, it interferes with communication in your relationship. You will have to overthink before talking to avoid revealing the truth, and causing inorganic conversation. Healthy communication lets you say what comes to mind without filtering it first.

The person withholding the truth might become less receptive and emotionally distant. For the person who doesn’t know what’s going on, it can cause frustration. These feelings cause a disconnect, harming the relationship.

However, if you’re always honest, nothing will hold you back from communicating with your partner. You won’t be worried about saying the wrong thing because you aren’t hiding anything from them. It’ll also make it easier to overcome conflict and bring you closer together.

3. Makes You Both Comfortable

Honesty fosters a sense of safety and security, making both partners feel comfortable. Research shows that when you’re both comfortable, it boosts self-love and promotes positive mental health. You won’t waste time worrying about what your partner is up to, and you’ll feel confident that they won’t leave.

4. It Promotes Trust

The best way to build trust is by being honest, and research backs this theory. When someone keeps secrets, it causes their partner to become less trustful. It creates an endless cycle that damages the relationship, sometimes beyond repair.

However, honesty and trust encourage people to look for the good in you. If your partner trusts you, they’ll notice the positive things, repeatedly making them fall in love. They will also see that you’re considerate because you believe they deserve the truth.

5. Eases Stress and Anxiety

If you’re holding something back, your partner will likely pick up on it. They’ll spend their time worrying and wondering what it could be that you’re lying about. Rather than put your partner through the guessing games, you could reveal your secret.

Lying causes stress and anxiety in your partner. Telling them the truth frees them of those feelings, allowing them to feel secure in the relationship.

6. Allows You to Learn

Telling the truth helps you learn how to interact with people. When you make honesty a habit, it reveals what people appreciate knowing. Plus, it teaches you how you should phrase things when the truth isn’t positive.

You’re not the only person who will learn from your honesty. The other people around you will pick up on your habit and feel inspired to be more honest too.

7. Promotes Respect Within the Relationship

Being honest with your partner shows that you respect them, and they’ll likely return the favor. Show courtesy by telling them things without waiting for them to ask directly. Don’t hold back; you’ll likely have a healthy relationship.

When your partner feels respected, they’ll be more comfortable being themselves. They’ll show their best qualities and allow you to do the same.

8. Encourages Acceptance

Even if you and your partner have many things in common, you’ll still experience disagreements sometimes. Being honest with one another encourages acceptance in your relationship, making it okay to disagree.

Being open about who you are and your thoughts makes it so you never have to pretend. It allows you to have separate opinions without interfering with the integrity of your relationship.

9. Gives a Sense of Freedom

When you’re honest with your partner, it gives you the freedom to be yourself. You won’t have to worry about hiding things and keeping secrets to avoid upsetting your significant other. Plus, you’ll be free to know that you’re appreciated and loved for who you are.

Final Thoughts on How Keeping Secrets from Your Partner Hinders Communication

Most experts consider a lack of communication the leading cause of unhappiness and discontent.

The solution to most problems within a relationship is effective communication. “Prevention is the best cure,” and communication – for all intents and purposes – is the key to preventing problems from snowballing during a relationship.

Make time and effort to communicate with your partner, even if the topic is uncomfortable. Keeping open lines of communication throughout a relationship will help preserve intimacy, love, and devotion to each other. On the other hand, maintaining secrets blocks communication lines, destroying trust and faith in each other.

6 Tricks That Help You Fall Asleep In Minutes

June 8, 2017 by Power of Positivity

How is it that some people can hop into bed and fall asleep within a few minutes? This ability to fall asleep quickly (along with needing just a few hours of sleep to feel rested) is, unsurprisingly, a mix of genetics and sleep habits.

While this article may not turn you into a “snap sleeper” overnight, it will provide some useful, scientifically-proven ways of expediting your path to dreamland. It’s important to remember that sleeping habits are exactly that – habits. As such, the more often you practice these techniques, the quicker you’ll get rid of adverse sleeping habits and realize practical results.

Here are six tricks to help you fall asleep in minutes:

1. Turn those lights off

Have you ever lost power in your house or apartment? If so, the odds are you slept better that night. The reason is, despite all the incandescent, fluorescent, and LED lighting, your body’s internal clock still syncs with the sun (thanks, evolution!)

Of course, the typical household doesn’t care much about sunrise and sunset times. Instead, we’re inundated with artificial lights, gadgets and other innovations that have altered our natural sleep/wake cycles.

The solution: dim the lights and avoid blue light-emitting electronics for at least 60 minutes before getting into bed. Also, get rid of any light-emitting electronics from your sleeping space.

2. Breathe to help fall asleep

In an article published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers concluded:

“Participants within the mindful awareness practices (MAPs) group showed significant improvement relative to those in (other groups). (The) MAPs group also showed significant improvement (in) secondary health outcomes of insomnia symptoms, depression symptoms, fatigue interference, and fatigue severity.”

The skill of quieting your mind can be irreplaceable for inducing sleep.

3. Forget about trying

Not being able to fall asleep can be incredibly frustrating – but it’s not a problem that can be willed away. Like hunger or thirst, sleep is a function of the body. We can (and should) make adjustments to our habits, but there will still be times when we’re just not ready to fall asleep.

Good sleep hygiene practices can help, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Regular exercise, regulating stimulants, a well-balanced diet, and limiting daytime naps can all make falling asleep more accessible.

4. Take a hot shower or bath

Not only is a hot bath or shower a blissful experience, but it also induces a sharp decrease in both cortisol (a stress hormone) and body temperature (a cool body temperature aids sleep). The sleep-inducing effects of a hot shower or bath may be one of the most underappreciated methods of assisting sleep.

For bath lovers, one recommendation is to increase heat in your home to around 80 degrees Fahrenheit (?27 degrees Celsius.) Then soak in the tub for about a half hour before hitting the rack.

5. Warm your feet to fall asleep comfortably

In a study conducted by German researchers, the team discovered a link between warm feet and the faster onset of sleep: “A hot-water bottle at the feet, while not acting on mechanisms in the central nervous system that underlie the regulation of sleep can rapidly induce vasodilation.”

Vasodilation is defined as “Widening of blood vessels that results from relaxation of the muscular walls of the vessels.”

Pharmaceutical and over-the-counter (OTC) sleep aids are both known to increase vasodilation to varying degrees. As it turns out, a pair of warm socks (or a heated water bottle?) may also help do the trick.

6. Let your mind roam as you fall asleep

As mentioned, mulling over how bad you’d like to be asleep is counterproductive. Redirecting your brain’s attention to sleep like you would some tedious task will only increase stress levels.

If your mind and body feel restless, just allow your mind to wander for a while. Imagine your dream vacation on some tropical island, or visualize some goal or aspiration you have yet to achieve. If you’re a daydreamer, this is a perfect time to engage in one of your favorite diversions. Call it “nightdreaming” if you will.

Positive, relaxing thoughts will help encourage sleep.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How Do You Manage Your Anger, According To Your Zodiac Sign?

June 8, 2017 by Power of Positivity

All of us lose our temper at times. However, we can learn to deal with anger a bit better instead of allowing it to control our lives. In this reality, so many things can set us off, and each zodiac sign gets hot-headed about different issues.

Below, we’ll delve into the nitty-gritty of what makes each zodiac sign angry, and how they can best deal with their anger. We hope you will take something valuable away from this article, and learn to manage any anger issues you might have in a healthier way.

How Do You Manage Your Anger, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

ARIES

As one of the three fire signs, Aries can definitely set you ablaze if you cross them. Sometimes, people feel as though they have to tiptoe in an Aries’ presence so as not to anger them because you don’t want to deal with an Aries when they lose their temper. When Aries gets mad, they tend to erupt just like a volcano, and anyone standing around them will get burned by their words. There is no middle ground with an Aries, as their emotions tend to get the best of them.

TAURUS

While Taurus doesn’t get mad easily, they do tend to hold grudges and give you the silent treatment if you hurt them. They usually keep their emotions to themselves and can get passive-aggressive if you rub them the wrong way. If you want to know if you’ve angered a Taurus, you’ll have to ask, because they won’t just admit that to you. They have a lot of pride in themselves and don’t like it when people get under their skin so easily.

GEMINI

Geminis don’t generally have a bad temper, but if you get on their bad side, you’ll definitely know it. It takes a lot for them to muster up the energy for a confrontation, however, so you might get the silent treatment if you make a Gemini mad. You’ll probably have to make the first move if you want to make amends with a Gemini. That’s because they tend to avoid reconciliation and instead may just write you off.

CANCER

As a water sign, Cancers are extremely sensitive and caring, but this aspect of their personality gets them hurt easily. If you make them angry, they will just hide their feelings until they eventually blow up. Cancers are one of the most passive-aggressive signs of them all, so if you cross them, you’ll have to chase after them just to get a response. They’ll go into recluse mode and hide inside their shell if you manage to penetrate their tough exterior.

LEO

Leos have a hot temper, just like any fire sign would. However, Leos get over the issue just as quickly as they got mad over it, mostly because they have the attention span of a child. They’re angry one minute about something you said, but then the next minute, they’re chasing after a pretty butterfly they saw behind you. Leos actually manage their anger quite well as a fire sign, because they don’t allow their tempers to get in the way of their zest for life.

VIRGO

Virgos don’t really anger easily and have one of the calmest dispositions of all the signs. They have an analytical, logical approach to emotions, and as such, don’t really allow them to overtake their lives. However, since Virgos doesn’t express emotions well, they do tend to hide how they feel at times just so they don’t burden others with their feelings.

LIBRA

As the peacekeeper of the zodiac, Libras don’t really like to let their anger get the best of them. Actually, they’d rather just move on from whatever made them angry in the first place, but this can lead to bottling up their feelings and holding grudges. They have a habit of using their past mistakes against you and can grow resentful if an issue is swept under the rug.

SCORPIO

Scorpios can become hot-headed pretty easily, but they oftentimes won’t let you know it. Instead, they’ll plot revenge in their head, because they don’t like people toying with their emotions. Scorpios will retreat into their shell once angered. So you should let them cool off first before you try to make amends.

SAGITTARIUS

As the third fire sign in the zodiac, a Sagittarius will really let you have it if you make them mad. They don’t really know how to regulate their emotions and believe in expressing them as much as possible. Sagittarians tend to explode when they get mad and will bowl over anyone who stands in their way.

CAPRICORN

Capricorns, being an Earth sign, don’t tend to get mad very often. However, they also bottle up their feelings and explode months later about every issue that they haven’t dealt with since. Capricorns secretly get frustrated about little things, but don’t like to express that as it makes them seem very child-like. When they do get mad, many people don’t know how to deal with their fiery temper.

AQUARIUS

Aquarians don’t mind debating, but they really hate arguing with a passion. If you get mad, they’ll likely just walk away. They don’t really like to allow their emotions to run wild and present a composed, even-keeled disposition at all times. If someone makes them angry, they really will just avoid them rather than address the problem.

PISCES

As a water sign, Pisces’ emotions run deep. So, their anger can get the best of them at times, but they won’t let you know that. Instead, they’ll deal with their emotions in the peace and quiet of their room, and will come to talk to you when they’ve calmed down a bit. They do tend to hold grudges, but if you mean a lot to them, they’ll try their best to work things out.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

7 Behaviors Someone Displays In A Relationship When They Want to End It

June 8, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Any breakup – of a marriage, courtship, friendship, etc. – is not a “whim of the moment.” Breakups generally result from an underlying issue. They may also stem from a series of poor behaviors or problems, leaving one or both parties susceptible to feelings of incompatibility.

Relationship experts harp on the importance of communication, and for a good reason. Ineffective or poor communication commonly manifests into other relationship problems. In many scenarios, something that could be resolved with a mature conversation becomes a “winner take all” argument, often leading to resentment and distancing from one another.

This segues into the topic of this article: 7 things that lead to a breakup. Unsurprisingly, communication problems comprise the majority of items on this list. We sincerely hope that the advice and knowledge below will improve any relationships in your life.

While the article is written from the perspective of an intimate partnership, much of the context applies to most personal relationships.

Here are seven behaviors that lead to a breakup:

1. Assuming or convicting with no rationale

We all know the famous adage about assuming: that it makes an “ass out of you and me.” This adage proves especially true when assuming something – and worse yet, irrationally verbalizing that “something” – about your partner without discussion or inquiry.

As a relationship unfolds, verbal and non-verbal communication is easier to decipher. Long-term couples, for instance, are quite adept at understanding each other’s idiosyncrasies without a word. That said, being presumptuous about a matter of significance is never a good idea.

Instead, relationship experts reiterate the importance of real and honest communication; this means not assuming any subject of significance without open dialogue.

2. Being overly critical

On the surface, refraining from excessive criticism seems simple. However, as a couple becomes more involved and spends more time together; including, moving in together, meeting one another’s family and so forth, both are inclined to be more “open.” In some ways, this openness is good. But in others, it’s not so good.

One example is being so comfortable with your partner that you become overly critical. After all, they “know” mostly everything as it pertains to each other’s chemistry.

However, if your partner is subject to unreasonable criticism; they’re more likely to become avoidant and distant.

The solution: if your partner constantly engages in unacceptable or damaging behaviors, a constructive conversation can be had minus extreme critiquing.

3. Not actively listening

The four “rules” of active listening are: (1) Seek to understand before you seek to be understood; (2) Be non-judgmental; (3) Give your undivided attention to the speaker, and (4) Use silence effectively.

Active listening is best practiced in a quiet setting free from distractions; this way, the listener can give the speaker his or her undivided attention. Active listening is vital to effective communication and should be practiced regularly.

Failing to listen to one another isn’t limited to intimate relationships; this widespread pervasiveness in modern life is quite troubling and equally harmful.

4. Acting contemptuously in public

Like “being overly critical,” insulting your partner can occur out of a perceived comfort level. When you’re out with friends (maybe having a drink or two), it’s easy to “pick on” your partner by making an ill-conceived joke, perhaps attempting to lighten up a group conversation, for example.

But one risks the possibility of going too far. Joking around at another person’s (true) expense does happen – and this can hurt both the person and the relationship. How we interpret certain types of humor (e.g., sarcasm) ultimately determines the interaction’s outcome.

5. Psychological projection

Psychological projection is defined as “a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions…(involving) projecting undesirable feeling or emotions onto someone else…”

Yes, psychological projection can take place between partners. Once again, this is a failure of communication. It is also a failure of self-awareness and an insufficient understanding of the other’s way of thinking.

As mentioned, an accusatory tone isn’t well-received. That’s especially true of the other half of a relationship. Own your feelings and withstand the temptation to project your feelings and behaviors onto anyone, especially your partner.

6. Favoring your inner circle too often

It’s normal for couples to want to hang out with other couples. In this sense, consideration should be given to how much time is being “allocated” to each’s social group. If your partner heavily insists – or is adamant about – being around their friends all the time, a reasonable conversation is an absolute necessity.

The willingness to spend time with one another’s social circle is a sign of compromise and selflessness. (Yes, it does suck when that one person who you despise will be there; but your partner will assuredly appreciate your sacrifice under the right conditions.)

7. Not allowing personal space

As much as we may love our other half, one of the healthiest behaviors is not spending time apart. On the other hand, insisting that you both do everything together can be detrimental. Why? Because we need a sense of individualism – a very humanistic element of novelty – that significantly impacts individual happiness or lack thereof.

If either person feels that they’re “required” to be somewhere all the time, they’ll feel deprived of their happiness; forced instead to embrace a co-dependent state of mind.

10 Signs Your Partner Has A Guarded Heart

June 8, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Someone emotionally unavailable…(is) evasive, make excuses, or are just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance. You end up feeling alone, depressed, unimportant, or rejected.” – Darlene Lancer

Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable is sort of like being the kid who can’t quite reach a toy on the shelf no matter how hard they try. Maybe the parent thinks they’re playing too much, needs to get outside more, or are just tired of the noisiness.

Maybe they’re plain mean, who knows? Similarly, people with availability issues are ostensibly unreachable – and are so for a variety of reasons.

A Guarded Heart or Emotionally Unavailable?

Here is the difference.

Emotional unavailability is similar to emotional guardedness; the individual simply does not (or cannot) allocate the necessary “space” in their life for a healthy relationship.

Guarded people are an innocent victim of circumstance, such as someone who suffered abuse at the hands of a former lover, or someone who has abandonment and neglect related issues.

Then there are those people “who just aren’t ready,” and, well, haven’t “been ready” since being introduced to “dating” the opposite sex. If they enter into a relationship with someone, that ‘someone’ usually ends up experiencing a spectrum of negative emotions – and find themselves alone.

In many ways, emotional unavailability is similar to other kinds of conditions, including duration of illness. Chronically-unavailable people will likely never experience a full, sincere, and committed relationship; someone with an acute case of unavailability only requires a type of “treatment,” which can mean anything from self-improvement to psychological help.

Looking for a mutually beneficial, reciprocal, healthy, and loving relationship is a difficult task. At the risk of sounding cliché, a certain number of tangible and intangible “checkboxes” need to be ticked for a relationship to have a chance. One of the most important is availability. Will this person open themselves up? Will this person listen? And will this person give and receive love?

Here are 10 typical behaviors of the emotionally unavailable:

1. Anger and Bitterness

When the unavailable person isn’t directing anger and bitterness towards you, they’re projecting them onto someone else. Perhaps they’re verbally assaulting a waiter for bringing their food a bit late, or projecting a demanding (almost entitled) attitude when haggling over prices at the local marketplace.

Overly-guarded people carry an obvious chip on their shoulder, and are unabashed about who sees it.

2. Arrogance

It’s one thing to be confident and happy; it’s another to be cocky and pretentious. An emotionally unavailable person takes on the latter form; doing so, ironically, out of low self-esteem.

Indeed, it requires real confidence to be committed and intimate; two characteristics that do not describe the unavailable or over-guarded.

3. Controlling

While we may visualize someone controlling as overtly aggressive and dominant (which may be true), many people with control issues use emotional manipulation and other “craftier” means to get what they want. Others will guilt-trip you and make you feel inadequate.

4. Evasiveness

Being secretive and cryptic is a hallmark of the over-guarded and unavailable. This trait applies to any aspect of their life, past or present. Apparently, this unwillingness to engage in even the most fundamental of ways applies to intimacy. This makes a romantic relationship very challenging to sustain.

5. Invasiveness

When it comes to your past, however, many of the over-guarded and unavailable will be all too willing to interrogate you. They’ll ask inappropriate questions – about past relationships, sexual history, etc. – and often at the most awkward time.

6. Poor Listeners

It’s unsurprising that the arrogant individual, inept at efficient and reasonable communication, are ineffectual listeners. As someone seeking a serious relationship (or perhaps in one), it is just as important for you to listen in on any clues that may hint that the person is non-committal, among many other undesirable attributes.

7. Seeking perfection

The unguarded and unavailable intentionally seek out and exploit any perceived weaknesses in the opposite sex. If no clear weakness surfaces, their well-hidden insecurity will rise; and when this occurs, they’re likely to come up with an unfounded excuse to end the relationship.

8. Questionable relationship past

Odds are– if the unavailable individual is cautious – that they’ll attempt to “bury” any significant details of all past relationship failures. Therefore, pay attention to their body language and words when discussing their past; by doing so, you may find that the unavailable person “quits” at the moment intimacy is supposedly at or near its peak.

9. Untimeliness

Many guarded individuals do not hesitate to ramp up the drama when things are going right. Just when the kind-hearted person believes that the relationship is about to progress, the inherent doubt within an unavailable person makes an appearance. Make no mistake, this is not a coincidence – it is a deliberate act of romantic defiance.

10. Sudden Seduction

Cautious as an unavailable person may be, they do have their weaknesses (many of which have been already noted). One such weakness is a tendency to exhibit sexuality or intimacy immaturely. This method of seduction does not indicate authentic interest; instead, it is a way to draw someone in close, earn a (mistaken) sense of trust. Only to repeat their devious relationship cycle.

References:
Benoit, A., Ph.D. (2015, June 1). 20 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling. Retrieved March 27, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

6 Behaviors To Avoid Showing Your Kids

June 7, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Did you know that kids respond to parental arguments begin in infancy?

We’ve previously discussed how quickly a baby’s brain develops, and that this rapid development continues until about middle school.

The simplest possible way to explain it: children learn to act and speak through adults. They “mirror” an adult’s behavior. The odds are good that if a child hears a curse word or sees violence that it will stick with them.

A child doesn’t yet possess the cognitive faculties to regulate emotional states fully; thus, a child is subject to excessive levels of stress of anxiety without the ability to cope.

To illustrate the impact of a child’s sensory experiences during childhood, consider the abuse statistics of serial killers: 50 percent of serial killers were psychologically abused; 36 percent were physically abused, and 26 percent were sexually abused. Now compare these statistics to those general population: 6.9 percent, 17.2 percent, and 8.4 percent, respectively.

Admittedly, the above paragraph is an extreme example. Nonetheless, these statistics demonstrate a child’s vulnerability to what they see and hear. Nearly every mental health expert will concede that what a person experiences during childhood has a considerable influence on who they are as adults.

“Long-term stress is toxic to the young brain and impairs its key task, which is learning how to integrate and regulate thoughts and emotions.” – Terri Apter, Ph.D.

On a (much) lighter note, here are six behaviors to consider halting in front of your children:

#1 Talking over your child

More specifically, not listening and talking over your child. We all understand that most children are impulsive and, from time-to-time, this requires us adults to up our tone a bit.

However, proper communication between parent and child is crucial to their development. Dr. Barbara Greenberg, a renowned child and adolescent clinical psychologist, states:

“Toxic parents are known for not listening to their kids, but instead, talking over them or at them…parents (should) make a concerted effort to remain silent and listen, listen, and listen some more… (the child) will talk more and confide more.”

#2 Not practicing self-control

It’s very easy for a parent to become frustrated with a child (consider a young adolescent.)

Most adults are ignorant to the degree of which their actions encourage or discourage a child’s behavior. “When you learn to identify and manage your own parenting frustrations, you’ll be amazed at how your child’s challenging behaviors can quickly improve,” says child psychologist Dr. Jeffery Bernstein.

Practically speaking, a parent who anticipates a sense of frustration and still acts constructively (e.g. spending more time with them) will see a change in their child’s behavior.

#3 Being a friend instead of a parent

A child requires both mentoring and friendship. The former is a parental responsibility; the latter is acquired through social development.

The most inappropriate behavior is particularly common during adolescent or teenage years; during which, the parent will “accommodate” their child by being too “BFF” instead of Mom or Dad.

Boundaries between friendship and parenting must be firmly set to mitigate the effects of extreme codependency. Your love and compassion will demonstrate the willingness to be there for them – it isn’t necessary to become a 14-year old again.

#4 Discouraging independence

Watching a child, something you created, grow up can be an overwhelmingly powerful experience. Most parents will agree that witnessing their child’s evolution is the most beautiful thing in the world.

But some parents stifle this beauty through overprotective behavior (many times out of altruism.) As parents, we innately understand that mitigating all risks, regardless of age, is impossible. When it comes to our kids, love will sometimes trump logic.

Child psychologists overwhelmingly agree that a child’s independent nature must be cultivated – and for a variety of reasons: self-confidence, social skills, and self-discovery among them.

#5 Verbal self-criticism

Criticizing yourself in front of your child is a double-edged sword: your self-esteem nosedives, as does your child’s perception of their parent.

A couple of pieces of professional advice. First, keep any negative thoughts to yourself. Wait for an appropriate time and place to contemplate and reflect. Second, show your child that you’re confident and capable by taking care of yourself.

For example, exercise and plan healthy meals while teaching the importance of self-care.

#6 Neglecting the needs of kids

This last one can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s nonetheless important to address.

The simple question: are you giving the child enough of your time?

Between work and other obligations, you might struggle to prioritize and keep track of everything to get done. It’s very easy to become the “I’m busy right now” parent.

The simple solution: give your child attention and affection whenever possible, even if you’re slammed. Take 10 to 15 minutes to hug them when you get home, look over their homework, tuck them into bed, and kiss them goodnight.

If you’re doing this, and this alone, you’re a great parent. And you’re probably raising a great kid.

Finally, thank you to all the wonderful and caring parents out there (including our own). You made us into the people we are today. We can never repay that debt. We love you all from the bottom of our hearts.

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Never Hide These Five Things From Your Partner

1. Secrets from your past

2. Health-related secrets

3. Financial secrets

4. Relationship Secrets

5. Intimacy Secrets

How to Reveal Your Secrets to Your Partner

Step 1: Be Truthful

Step 2: Determine What You Want the Result to Be

Step 3: Choose the Right Time and Place

Step 4: Plan How You Will Handle It

Step 5: Practice What You Want to Say

Step 6: Stay Calm

Step 7: Take Responsibility

9 Reasons Why Honesty Strengthens Relationships

1. Helps Build a Healthy Foundation

2. Encourages Healthy Communication

3. Makes You Both Comfortable

4. It Promotes Trust

5. Eases Stress and Anxiety

6. Allows You to Learn

7. Promotes Respect Within the Relationship

8. Encourages Acceptance

9. Gives a Sense of Freedom

Final Thoughts on How Keeping Secrets from Your Partner Hinders Communication

Here are six tricks to help you fall asleep in minutes:

1. Turn those lights off

2. Breathe to help fall asleep

3. Forget about trying

4. Take a hot shower or bath

5. Warm your feet to fall asleep comfortably

6. Let your mind roam as you fall asleep

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How Do You Manage Your Anger, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Here are seven behaviors that lead to a breakup:

1. Assuming or convicting with no rationale

2. Being overly critical

3. Not actively listening

4. Acting contemptuously in public

5. Psychological projection

6. Favoring your inner circle too often

7. Not allowing personal space

A Guarded Heart or Emotionally Unavailable?

Here are 10 typical behaviors of the emotionally unavailable:

1. Anger and Bitterness

2. Arrogance

3. Controlling

4. Evasiveness

5. Invasiveness

6. Poor Listeners

7. Seeking perfection

8. Questionable relationship past

9. Untimeliness

10. Sudden Seduction

References: Benoit, A., Ph.D. (2015, June 1). 20 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling. Retrieved March 27, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

On a (much) lighter note, here are six behaviors to consider halting in front of your children:

#1 Talking over your child

#2 Not practicing self-control

#3 Being a friend instead of a parent

#4 Discouraging independence

#5 Verbal self-criticism

#6 Neglecting the needs of kids

The Community

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Rise and Shine On! Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist

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Us

References:
Benoit, A., Ph.D. (2015, June 1). 20 Signs Your Partner Is Controlling. Retrieved March 27, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

Rise and Shine On!
Master Your Day with the Ultimate Positive Morning Guide + Checklist