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10 Habits of Couples Who Stay In The ‘Honeymoon Phase’

June 5, 2017 by Power of Positivity

If you want a perennial honeymoon phase in your relationship, sit back and get comfy because Power of Positivity has something for you. Everyone wants to stay all loved up with their love dove but then reality sets in, with stressful jobs, kids, and house upkeep at the forefront of normal problems for life partners. Here, we talk about how to stay in the “honeymoon phase” zone, even years and decades after saying “I do”.

10 Things Couples Do To Stay In The Honeymoon Phase

1. Keep wooing their partner.

You know your partner better than anyone out there, so why not do the things that got you their affections in the first place? Trying new things can never hurt, either. Even if it is a complete disaster, it will be something you can laugh about months and years later with your one and only.

2. Cuddling never stops for people who stay in the honeymoon phase.

One of the best ways to stay emotionally connected is physical connection, and what better way than to get into a cuddle huddle for two? After all, it is here where two hearts are closest. Can you feel that spark yet?

3. Talking the same love language.

Does Trixie like a massage before bed? Does Trevor like a flirty, saucy message at work to remind him what is waiting for him at home? You need to know not just how the other person ticks, but also how YOU tick. That is done in many ways in many different situations. When this is done right, your relationship will run like clockwork.

4. Couples in the honeymoon phase see things from their partner’s perspective.

Why did Trevor not wash the dishes even though it was his turn tonight? He has a big presentation in the boardroom tomorrow. Why did Trevor take the twins to the park the next day? To give Trixie a rest after being up all night attending to tiny Tommy. You are in a relationship to enhance your partner’s life and to enjoy this enrichment in return, without asking for it.

5. Making time to enjoy each other’s company.

No distractions are allowed, including tiny Tiffany and Tommy. Book babysitter Bessie if you must or get Granny Gloria on the scene. Just go out together and remember why you chose each other. Remember the whens, the wheres, the hows, the what happens, remember the very essence of Trix and Trev (TNT).

6. More positive experiences than negative.

From the mouths of boffins now, psychologist John Gottman is one of the world’s most recognised researchers into a couple’s likeliness of staying together versus breaking up. After decades of extensive research, he has come up with an approximate ratio of positive experiences to negative ones – 5:1 for a “healthy relationship”, five positive experiences to one negative.

7. Think about why you are with your partner.

What is it about Trix that Trev finds alluring? What is it about Trev that makes Trix go weak at the knees? Please make the time to ponder, a couple of minutes a day can do the trick. When stabilised hormones set in, it is easy to think about the negative traits whilst forgetting the positive ones.

8. Just listen.

Letting go of a bit of steam is sometimes a must and, as much as we want to help, the best thing we can do is do what the subheading suggests. The same goes with voicing concerns about something perturbing or any other negative emotion.

9. Share your passions to remain in the honeymoon phase.

Accepting differences is what makes us individuals, but you are also partners in crime, so do what you both love together. If you both love exploring the Copan Ruins of Honduras and the surrounding area, do that. Or you are both thrill-seekers, then Alton Towers in the UK may be your thing. Music? Concerts are happening all the time all over the world. It will strengthen your relationship. Just ask TNT.

10. Know that your wedding day will not be your happiest.

Life should never be in a downward spiral after tying the knot. You have so much more to live for afterwards. For TNT it was: the birth of twins Tommy and Tiffany; taking the trip of a lifetime to Copan Ruins; Trevor getting a key promotion after the presentation in the boardroom; Trixie running the Great North Run in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in the UK. Life is for living, no matter your civil status.

References:
Popplestone T., “16 Secrets To Staying In That Honeymoon Phase Your Whole Life”. MindBodyGreen https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-28146/16-secrets-to-staying-in-that-honeymoon-phase-your-whole-life.html
Dr. Barry M., “The ratio of positive to negative experiences”. Mallow Primary Healthcare Centre; http://www.mphc.ie/2017/03/the-ratio-of-positive-to-negative-experiences/

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Psychologist Reveals 7 Behaviors That Are The Biggest Predictors of A Healthy Relationship

June 5, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“(The) most common research finding (is) that the first negative attribution people start marking when the relationship becomes less happy is “my partner is selfish” … They then start to see their partner’s momentary distance and irritability as a sign of a lasting negative trait. (In) happier relationships, people make lasting positive trait attributions, (and) tend to write off their partner’s momentary emotional distance and irritability as a temporary attribution, like “my partner is stressed.” – Dr. John M. Gottman: The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

Dr. John Gottman has been studying couples for over four decades. Many consider him the best relationship expert in the United States. Dr. Gottman’s methods for predicting relationship longevity or separation were around 94 percent accurate in one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

The couple and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, developed the Gottman method to assist struggling couples. It is entirely appropriate, then, that we reference Dr. Gottman’s work about healthy relationship behaviors.

This article will discuss seven behaviors that help create (and maintain) healthy relationships. We’ll provide some insight via quotes by Dr. John Gottman while explaining clearly the ‘science’ behind healthy relationships!

Read on for Dr. Gottman’s seven research-based behaviors to create healthy relationships:

Behavior 1: “Enhance your love maps.”

Dr. Gottman adamantly states that “love is in the details.” Possessing “a richly detailed love map – my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner;s life,” is Dr. Gottman’s cerebral way of describing the essentiality of intimacy.

In other words, you know pretty much everything about your partner – from their favorite movies to what royally ticks them off.

Behavior 2: “Nurture your fondness and admiration.”

Dr. Gottman utilizes an activity that some describe as “aww!” Actually, Dr. Gottman’s real name for this exercise is, “I appreciate.”

Each partner lists at least three (often more) qualities of the other, along with an example of a time when one displayed the quality. The couple then reads the list to each other. Gottman cites admiration and fondness as the two most essential behaviors in any relationship.

Behavior 3: “Turn toward each other instead of away.”

The difficulties we all face daily can negatively impact a relationship if we allow them. Dr. Gottman explains, “(Romance) is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.”

When we take the time to explain what’s going on, e.g., if we’re running late, in a bad mood or had a rough day at the office, it’s less likely we’ll “transfer” these negative emotions onto our partner. Good communication builds upon the foundation of connection and passion so critical to a successful, intimate relationship.

Behavior 4: “Let your partner influence you.”

A healthy relationship involves teamwork and effective communication between one another. Each partner should treat the other as an equal when it comes to making decisions about all things, large and small. Honor and respect are vital elements that allow a relationship to flourish – a natural byproduct of both manifests as influence.

Behavior 5: “Solve your solvable problems.”

According to Dr. Gottman, two types of problems exist in a relationship: resolvable conflicts and incessant conflicts. For the sake of the partnership, couples need to recognize the nature of each other.

Gottman provides a relatively simple explanation of what can be a seemingly complex situation: “One way to identify solvable problems is that they seem less painful, gut-wrenching or intense than perpetual, gridlocked ones.”

Solvable problems are circumstantial, e.g., an overdue bill, work-related stress, etc. You can overcome circumstantial problems by brainstorming with your partner and developing a solution.

Behavior 6: “Overcome gridlock.”

“Gridlock is a sign that you have dreams for your life that aren’t being addressed or respected by the other,” Dr. Gottman explains, “The goal is to ‘declaw’ the issue, to try to remove the hurt so the problem stops being a source of grain pain.”

Individual aspirations do not cease simply because one is in a relationship. Gottman explains that supporting one another’s dreams is essential to continued intimacy. This isn’t to say the other partner should withhold their opinion – a constructive dialogue is just as important as the goal itself.

Behavior 7: “Create shared meaning.”

To create “shared meaning” is to generate a sort of relationship “culture,” to emotionally, mentally, and spiritually nourish the person sharing their life with you. Dr. Gottman states, “a culture rich with rituals, and an appreciation for our roles and goals that like you, that lead you to understand what it means to be a part of the family you have become.”

How to Recognize A Manipulator (And Protect Yourself)

June 5, 2017 by Chris Butler

A manipulator is someone who tries to control you. These individuals are often skilled at mind games to gain power over you in your relationship. Manipulators are challenging to identify. They are subtle at exploiting you to benefit themselves in some way. Manipulative relationships occur in romantic relationships and between coworkers, friends, or family members.

Here are some ways you can recognize a manipulator and protect yourself.

10 Signs Someone Is a Manipulator and How to Protect Yourself

Information is critical–so once you know these red flags, you’ll also understand how to protect yourself from these toxic people.

1 – A manipulator plays the victim

A manipulator will play the victim. They’ll act like whatever you ask them to do is an enormous burden, exploiting your emotions not to do whatever you asked them to do. They like to get sympathy from others. Manipulators say things like,

This task is too hard. I don’t think you knew what you were asking of me.

Okay, I guess I’ll do that for you even though I’m overwhelmed.

How to protect yourself

Be aware of their desire to play the victim in your relationship. Don’t defend yourself if they say these things. Getting defensive is what they want. Stop talking and walk away. This maneuver overrules their ability to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them.

2 – Gaslighting

Gaslighting is lying. It’s purposely confusing the truth to mislead. They twist what you say and question you as if they’re lawyers in a courtroom. A manipulator wants to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. You may feel frustrated and unsure of fact versus fiction.

How to protect yourself

To outsmart a manipulative person, don’t get into the conversation. Don’t try to counter with evidence or information. It never works. The best thing to do is to walk away. Refuse to meet them at their level.

3 – A manipulator seeks to maintain power

Manipulators know how to maintain power over others. Misrepresentation of your feelings and twisted compliments can make you feel overwhelmed and confused about your relationship. A manipulator likes to create drama to get a reaction out of you. If you try to respond, they say things like

Aren’t you the perfect child?

So, you’ve never made a mistake?

Who are you to try to tell me to change?

How to protect yourself

First of all, don’t try to meet a manipulator’s needs. Refuse to engage in a conversation that is getting dramatic like this. Stop talking to them. They won’t be happy you aren’t engaging with them, but you won’t get manipulated by them.

4 – The manipulator puts others down

Manipulators are masters at putting people down. They mix compliments with negative comments to unsettle you. They may compliment you on your outfit, then mention you look like you’ve gained weight. Individuals in a relationship with a manipulator can have a roller coaster of emotions, feeling loved one minute and hated the next. A manipulator may use a condescending tone or patronize you. If you question how they’re talking to you, they’ll say they were joking.

How to protect yourself

The best way to overcome a put-down is to turn the tables on your manipulator. They expect you to defend yourself or start a fight. Instead, say something like, No, I’m not skinny, am I? or try sarcasm, such as Thanks for your insight. These responses disarm the manipulator and ruin their ability to control you.

5 – Isolation tactics

Isolating you from your friends and family is another subtle tactic of a manipulative person. They may say they don’t trust your friends or loved ones or persuade you to pull away from everybody but them. They may even guilt you when you’re going out with friends, saying that you’re “choosing your friends over them.” Sulking, acting sad, or even telling you how much they love you are tactics they’ll use to isolate you from those you love.

How to protect yourself

Please don’t give in to their manipulation as you see this happening. Meet them where they’re at with statements like, I’m wondering why you’re trying to keep me from my other friends? It’s unattractive when you grovel like this. Please stop.

6 – Blameshifting behaviors

Manipulators can seem sensitive and sweet to you but then turn the table and blame you for something you didn’t do. They will accuse you of breaking the relationship, claiming that you are the cause of their problems. It’s demeaning and demoralizing to be treated like this.

How to protect yourself

If you try to defend yourself, they’ll belittle you and say you’re being mean to them. Don’t try to please them. Say something like. I’m not sure why you’re trying to blame me for everything wrong. That’s not realistic. Then drop the conversation. They’ll see they can’t bait you into an argument.

7 – Condescension

Looking down on you is a manipulator’s way of showing their superiority over you. Manipulators have a grandiose sense of self. They may show their condescension through body language and words. They may ignore your comments or act like it’s a huge sacrifice to talk with you. Other non-verbal signs of a manipulator’s condescension include:

The condescending tone of voice
Sarcasm
Sighs
Shrugs
Eye rolling
Side eye glances
Disgusted look
Raise one eyebrow
Patronizing tone

How to protect yourself

Protecting yourself is ignoring them. Refuse to engage with them. You can get things out in the open by challenging them by saying something like. You seem to want to get at me. Why is that? What are you trying to say to me by acting this way?

8 – They hope you doubt yourself

A manipulator wants you to doubt yourself. You may begin to wonder if what they say is true about you. Manipulators like to steal your confidence. They overpower your thoughts and minimize your opinions. Their goal is to always have the upper hand over you, so you doubt yourself. Their behavior is demeaning and demoralizing.

How to protect yourself

Refuse to give in to doubts about who you are and what you believe. If they try to manipulate your opinions, tell them you disagree and walk away. Stop thinking you need their approval to be happy.

9 – The manipulator is often very charming

A manipulator is sweet to you when they want something. They may ask a favor, and after you say yes, they follow up with their actual request. This puts you in an awkward place, causing the manipulator to force you into your commitment. When they act charming, there’s a lack of thoughtfulness or concern for you when ta challenge them to overpower you and make you do what they want. This can happen at work when a co-worker asks a favor only to reveal the real reason was to get you to go out with them. Their behavior may make you feel unsafe around them.

How to protect yourself

If this happens at work or school, refuse to cooperate even if you need to go back on your word. You don’t need their acceptance to be happy. If you’re in a romantic relationship, it may be worthwhile to step back and see if perhaps there are things you can learn about yourself.

Why are you an easy target for them?
Does this person manipulating you feel like the only way you do things for them is if they trick you into it?
Why do you put yourself in these positions with people like this?

10 – Silent treatment

The silent treatment is one of the most common tactics of a manipulator. It’s a passive-aggressive way of punishing you when you don’t do what the manipulator wants. Besides that, it is unloving and makes you feel rejected. It’s easy to allow the silent treatment to affect you to the point that you do what the manipulator wants to get them to talk to you.

How to protect yourself

When someone is not talking to you it’s uncomfortable. Please don’t allow them to control you like this. You don’t need their acceptance to feel happy about your life. Walk away. If they aren’t talking to you, find someone else to talk to.

Final Thoughts on Knowing How to Recognize–and Protect Yourself–from a Manipulator

A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust, and understanding. This should be true of romantic relationships, friendships, co-workers, and family relationships. Sadly, there are some individuals who use manipulation to control you. They don’t have your best interest in mind but want to overpower you. They may put you down, use the silent treatment, gaslight you and play the victim when you disagree with them. If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, surround yourself with other people who truly love you.

Their support can help you not fall victim to a manipulator. Learn how to deal with the manipulator by refusing to engage with them and not giving in to their desire for you to defend yourself. You should never feel you need to accept someone manipulating you. You are in control of your responses and don’t need to feel as if you must give in to others’ desire to control you.

Researchers Reveal Why You Should Drink Two Cups of Coffee Every Day

June 4, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Increased consumption of caffeinated coffee and, to a lesser extent, decaffeinated coffee, are associated with reduced risk of hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC), including in pre-existing liver disease. These findings are important given the increasing incidence of HCC globally and its poor prognosis. – Kennedy, J.T., et. al, 2017, “Coffee, including caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee, and the risk of hepatocellular carcinoma.”

Hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC) is the world’s sixth most commonly diagnosed cancer and the third leading cause of cancer deaths. HCC comprises about 90 percent of all liver disease cases.

The disproportionate “disease to death” ratio of HCC highlights the disease’s poor prognosis history. Tragically, HCC patients are often prescribed the wrong treatment regimens or are deemed “ineligible” for certain treatment options.

In this article, we discuss a bit about HCC: symptoms, treatment – and, yes – how coffee may help!

Why is this information important? (Please read)

The information provided in this article may be mistaken as melancholic; please understand this is not the intent. The primary motivation for this article is to educate and inform people of conditions that may threaten human health.

In short, knowing this information could save your life – or that of someone you love. As with any health-related article, we discuss what may be perceived as “negative.” Of course, this is not our intent. Please do not misinterpret factual, research-based health articles for pessimism.

We care about the health of our readers. Indeed, all of you have given us incredible amounts of attention, love, respect, and trust since the founding of this site. Thank you.

What is hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC)?

HCC, as mentioned, is one of the most common types of liver cancer, often co-occurring in patients with an underlying liver disorder such as cirrhosis or liver disease.

About a half-million people die from HCC each year, with the largest proportion of deaths in regions of Africa and Asia – two geographical areas with higher-than-average rates hepatitis B and hepatitis C; both conditions are known precursors to liver disease and HCC.

But what about in the United States? Well, a different type of cirrhosis, which “develops in the setting of nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD), or steatohepatitis (NASH)” is of particular concern to public health experts. The risk of developing NASH increases in cohort with conditions such as dyslipidemia (i.e., high cholesterol), hypertension, obesity, and type 2 diabetes – the most common type of diabetes in the developed world.

During the advanced stages of HCC, many patients are deemed ineligible for invasive procedures that may or may not spread the disease. Age, advanced stages of illness, and degree of liver deterioration are all reasons why patients are denied certain treatments.

Given the uncertainty of the disease, and the potentially severe consequences thereof, any potential treatment – preventative or otherwise – is worthy of consideration.

Why You Should Drink Two Cups of Coffee Every Day

Regarding HCC, just one cup of java per day may decrease the risk of the disease by 20 percent; two cups by 35 percent, and four or more cups by 50 percent. Many doctors recommend no more than 400 milligrams of coffee daily. That equals four cups.

The abovementioned research is particularly significant, as scientists believe that annual cases of HCC may rise by approximately 50 percent, or 1.2 million people. So, how can coffee possibly mitigate this risk?

Dr. Oliver Kennedy of the University of Southampton explains:

“Coffee is widely believed to possess a range of health benefits and (the) latest finds suggest it could have a significant effect on liver cancer risk.”

Kennedy continues, “We’re not suggesting everyone should start drinking five cups of coffee a day though. Nevertheless, our findings are an important development given the increasing evidence of HCC globally and its poor prognosis.”

Dr. Kennedy reiterates the context of what was stated previously. That is, some doctors have a poor record of detecting and recommending appropriate treatments for HCC. The same for other forms of liver cancer.

Per medical studies, coffee may possess “antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, anticarcinogenic properties (which) may explain the lower rates of chronic liver disease and liver cancer experienced by coffee drinkers.” Antioxidants and anti-inflammatory elements are crucial to preventing and alleviating certain cancers and their symptoms.

Dr. Peter Hayes, a medical professor at the University of Edinburgh, concurs.

“We have shown coffee reduces cirrhosis and also liver cancer. Coffee has also been reported to reduce the risk of death from many other causes. (In moderation), coffee can be a wonderful, natural medicine.”

Symptoms of HCC and liver cancer

Dr. Yi-Ben Chen, a physician within the Leukemia/Bone Marrow Transplant Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, cites five main symptoms of both HCC and liver cancer:

– ‘Abdominal pain or tenderness, especially in the upper-right (region)’

– ‘Easy bruising or bleeding.’

– ‘Enlarged abdomen.’

– ‘Yellow skin or eyes (jaundice)’

– ‘Unexplainable weight loss.’

See a doctor if you should experience a combination of two or more of the abovementioned symptoms. Seek the opinion of a doctor specializing in internal medicine. Internists possess advanced knowledge of the human anatomy that many practicing physicians do not.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 False Ideas People Have About True Love

June 4, 2017 by Power of Positivity

It is human nature to entertain and explore thoughts of expectations, especially when it comes to love. We naturally possess certain expectations of both ourselves and others. For example, it’s reasonable to expect others to act civilly and humanely – to respect the generally-accepted “social contract.”

Then there’s the person whose expectations of others are both unrealistic and often inappropriate; these expectations are often present in intimate relationships, as well.

Tarra Bates-Duford, Ph.D. and a Marriage/Family Therapist explains:

“Invariably, unrealistic expectations are positively correlated to issues of power, manipulation, and control. (A lot) of romantic relations begin between partners who are unaware of each other’s weaknesses or insecurities.”

Part of having a responsible mindset is forgoing the notion that someone else can make you happy. “Instead of looking to others to meet our needs, we must take responsibility for our own life and make necessary changes that are in our best interest,” explains Bates-Duford.

Having realistic expectations in an intimate relationship requires that we first acknowledge and accept one another’s strengths and weaknesses. In other words, choosing to accept and love your partner for who they are who they are not; effectively dismissing the naive view that your partner should “fill the voids” of something you may lack.

Relatedly, this article focuses on five things we should never expect in a relationship. We also include some tips on dealing with these thoughts and feelings.

First, the five things that we shouldn’t expect in a relationship:

“We believe (as we often did in childhood), that if we try harder, and perform for approval, others will take notice, be impressed with both our attempts and behaviors, and will fill the void in our relationship. However, when unrealistic expectations exist, the void remains and the expectation illusion continues.” – Tarra Bates-Duford, Ph.D., MFT

1. That our partner understands our feelings

Feelings are both highly complex and open to interpretation. As such, it is unrealistic (and irrational) to expect our partner to completely understand what’s going on under the surface at all times.

If your partner has a “hunch” to what you may be experiencing, he or she will often – but not always – question you about it (e.g., “Is everything okay?”). Absent our partner’s inquisition; it is necessary to reach out and inform him or her of what’s going on.

2. That a love relationship should be void of conflict

Every relationship type is subject to conflict from time-to-time. Why expect an intimate relationship to be any different?

(Of course, any form of abuse, verbal or otherwise, is not and should not be interpreted as an acceptable form of conflict.)

Conflict with our partner can be natural and even be healthy. Reasonable conflict should be viewed as merely another form of interaction; when both individuals can come to grips with and reconcile any differences. Healthy conflict helps build admiration, rapport, and trust in a partnership.

3. For things to work, we must spend most of our time together

Preserving one’s sense of identity requires some alone time now and then. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires spending time together. How are both individual and relationship needs adequately met? Answering this question is not always easy.

Theresa DiDonato, Ph.D., is a social psychologist who specializes in different aspects of romantic relationships. She recommends five ways of addressing the “time issue”:

– Don’t expect your partner to mirror your needs. Acknowledge they may require more or less time apart.

– Ask your partner if you’re devoting enough time to the relationship. Reach a compromise.

– Integrate your partner into your social circle, which provides a new context for the relationship to develop and grow.

– Keep a date night or weekend on the calendar.

– Understand the “ebb and flow” of a relationship, e.g., a new job, added stress, etc. Continue to persevere while nourishing the relationship.

4. That relationship “bliss” of true love won’t fade

Similar to the inevitable “ebb and flow” of a relationship, our feelings of “bliss” for each other aren’t always present. Instead, the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is just that – a phase. It’s sophomoric to expect our partner to continually bring us joy as if they can release endorphins at-will.

Infatuation becomes love, and love is not something that’s easily definable. The truth is that love gives us comfort – and our partner is no exception.

Trust in your love for your partner, and trust that they love you. That’s where the real joy resides.

5. That a good relationship doesn’t require effort

As two people become more familiar and comfortable with each other, we sometimes subconsciously think that the “work is done” so to speak. This is a very common and unrealistic expectation and one that can inflict harm if we so allow.

“Every relationship needs proper time, effort, love, affection, patience and dedication to grow and remain strong,” explains Bates-Duford, “If your relationship is going through hard times, it doesn’t mean that your love for each other is gone. It simply means that your relationship requires more effort, patience, love and commitment to deal with problems and conflicts.”

Final Thoughts on the Expectations of True Love

Unrealistic expectations may be the leading cause of deteriorating relationships. Anger, frustration, and impatience are emotional byproducts of unreasonable expectations – all are emotions that, once they peak, can contribute to a relationship’s end.

The solution, then, is to communicate effectively, honestly, and with consistency. Bringing up certain aspects of a relationship (e.g. sex, finances, personal needs) are often uncomfortable, but are nonetheless necessary for a healthy, thriving partnership.

A partnership, after all, involves two individuals – each with their own needs and desires. For the sake of your relationship, communicate these needs and desires to your partner.

If what you’re thinking and feeling is meaningful to you, remember that they’re likely just as meaningful to the person who loves you.

10 Behaviors People Display When They’re Truly In Love

June 4, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.” – Billy Graham

Did you know that neuroscientists have observed three phases of love within the human brain? The three phases– lust, attraction, and attachment – in that order, involves the release of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. These neurochemical responses are entrenched within nearly every human brain.

What does this activity look like? Let’s compare the initial phase (“lust”) with the last phase, (“attachment”).

Brain activity throughout the “lust” phase is significantly different than the other two. Upon meeting someone you liked, did you experience feelings of intense desire? Probably. Did your palms get sweaty or did your heart beat a bit fast? This feeling is very common, as well.

Why?

Well, what we experience as “lust” is created by the brain chemical dopamine. The sweaty palms/beating heart are caused by the chemicals adrenaline and norepinephrine. All three brain chemicals course through the body, creating these sensations.

Contrast the “lust” phase with the “attachment” phase, when two people have been in love for some time. Attachment is a wonderful, beautiful thing – in many ways better than the lust phase. Instead of the brain releasing a flood of “pleasure hormones,” attachment releases oxytocin and vasopressin – the “love and well-being” hormones – the brain chemicals responsible for an enduring, fulfilling relationship.

Why does this brain stuff matter? Depending on your perspective, it may not matter much – but it maybe should.

This brain system provides science-based clues to what you and your partner are feeling. Love and relationships, as we all know by now, can be a mysterious thing.

This latest research makes it possible to understand– at least from a biological standpoint – when we’re in love and when this love is mutual. What we do with this knowledge is up to us – it can be used as a tool or discarded. There is no “right” or “wrong” way of interpreting love; it’s merely a guide.

Here are ten signs that someone truly loves their partner:

1. They create feelings of euphoria

During the early stages of romantic love, we constantly think about the object of our affection. It’s common at this juncture to obsess about the future and plan your free time around your love.

These feelings result from activity within the “primitive neural systems” of the brain; the systems responsible for feelings of euphoria, drive and reward recognition. This system “helps us form pair-bonds” in the survival area of our gray matter.

“We were built to experience the magic of love and to be driven toward another,” says neuroscientist Lucy Brown.

2. Their uniqueness captivates you

Everything about the person is perceived as novel and interesting, and their subtle peculiarities are taken in via our senses and cherished. There’s often a rush of energy, which mirrors the “lust phase,” and we experience a profound emotional craving for the person.

Most of the pleasurable symptoms experienced at this phase result from the influx of dopamine on the multiple areas of the brain.

3. Bond and commitment grows

Feelings of love or affection are necessary for the brain to bring forth any underlying desire for human connection. We humans, as mentioned countless times, are very social creatures – and the innate desire for an intimate relationship illustrates this fact.

True love has a strong social correlation. The love we feel for our partner advances the relationship from casual to intimate and suppresses the desire to act out of self-interest or selfishness.

4. They show an “urge to care”

Human beings possess a remarkable amount of empathy for people we love. These intense feelings of affection, devotion, and fondness for our loved ones are evident in the urge to care. These feelings are the result of survival, protectionist mechanisms of the brain.

While we may all have varying levels of awareness and empathy, humans – almost without exception – instinctively demonstrate their love and care for their partner in some way.

5. Adversity strengthens the relationship

For individuals primed to establish and maintain a romantic relationship, stressful situations have been shown to intensify romantic attraction. When two people remain at each other’s side regardless of circumstance, it indicates the strength of the couple’s bond and commitment to one another.

Scientists attribute this behavior to dopamine activity in the midbrain, as delaying a “reward” has been shown to produce higher levels of the chemical following the event.

6. Their priorities shift for the better

It’s common for people in love to rearrange their priorities. While we mostly associate a change in priorities as a positive thing, it can also be something less admirable. It is important to observe how a person rearranges their lifestyle. Are they making changes out of genuine desire, or as a way to mask their true identity?

Neuroscientists believe that “brain-chemical” opposites are more likely to make changes for the better. For example, an “Alpha” personality has more incentive to improve themselves if they love a person with a laid-back, nourishing type of character.

7. They push their partner to become better

Nobody likes to see a person they love not live up to their potential. Of course, this includes two people in love with one another. The odds are that if your partner is gently pushing you to become your best self, they themselves are self-motivated.

When your partner attempts to motivate you, this means the all-important reward pathways of the brain are still at work. Ironically, when your partner’s frustration about your lack of progress goes away, it’s a good idea to inquire how they’re feeling.

8. They’re comfortable in their partner’s presence

During the initial stages of a partnership, it’s common for a couple to “get out and about.” As a relationship progresses, however, staying home and enjoying each other’s company becomes much more appealing.

The brain desires novelty, but it’s also content with routine. If you enjoy each other, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing, it’s a good sign.

9. “Shortcomings” are not viewed as such

In the movie Good Will Hunting, the late, great Robin Williams plays a therapist who’s haunted by the passing of his wife. In one moving scene, Williams gives love advice to Matt Damon’s character:

“My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up…I didn’t have the heart to tell her…(She’s) been dead for two years, and that the **** I remember. Wonderful stuff you know? The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that’s what made her my wife…Ah, that’s the good stuff.”

10. They give you their devotion

There is no “sciencey” stuff in this last item. The word devotion cannot be rationalized through words, but feelings. It’s fair to make a similar argument for love.

Relatedly, the brain, while it may give us clues to what love is from a biological standpoint, may not be the only component. Love is mutual sharing of the soul – something that may never be answerable by science because there is no “answer.”

Devotion is full love and something that can only be felt – not explained.

References:
Ghose, T. (2013, October 08). Attracted to Your Opposite? Brain Chemicals May Tell. Retrieved June 2, 2017, from http://www.livescience.com/40254-brain-chemicals-guide-attraction.html
Lewis, T. (2014, February 14). 5 Ways Love Affects the Brain. Retrieved June 2, 2017, from http://www.livescience.com/43395-ways-love-affects-the-brain.html
Live Science Staff. (2017, January 20). 13 Scientifically Proven Signs You’re in Love. Retrieved June 2, 2017, from http://www.livescience.com/33720-13-scientifically-proven-signs-love.html
Pappas, S. (2011, February 14). How Do I Love Thee? Experts Count 8 Ways. Retrieved June 2, 2017, from http://www.livescience.com/12854-love-thee-experts-count-ways.html

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10 Things Couples Do To Stay In The Honeymoon Phase

1. Keep wooing their partner.

2. Cuddling never stops for people who stay in the honeymoon phase.

3. Talking the same love language.

4. Couples in the honeymoon phase see things from their partner’s perspective.

5. Making time to enjoy each other’s company.

6. More positive experiences than negative.

7. Think about why you are with your partner.

8. Just listen.

9. Share your passions to remain in the honeymoon phase.

10. Know that your wedding day will not be your happiest.

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Behavior 1: “Enhance your love maps.”

Behavior 2: “Nurture your fondness and admiration.”

Behavior 3: “Turn toward each other instead of away.”

Behavior 4: “Let your partner influence you.”

Behavior 5: “Solve your solvable problems.”

Behavior 6: “Overcome gridlock.”

Behavior 7: “Create shared meaning.”

10 Signs Someone Is a Manipulator and How to Protect Yourself

1 – A manipulator plays the victim

2 – Gaslighting

3 – A manipulator seeks to maintain power

4 – The manipulator puts others down

5 – Isolation tactics

6 – Blameshifting behaviors

7 – Condescension

8 – They hope you doubt yourself

9 – The manipulator is often very charming

10 – Silent treatment

Final Thoughts on Knowing How to Recognize–and Protect Yourself–from a Manipulator

Why is this information important? (Please read)

What is hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC)?

Why You Should Drink Two Cups of Coffee Every Day

Symptoms of HCC and liver cancer

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First, the five things that we shouldn’t expect in a relationship:

1. That our partner understands our feelings

2. That a love relationship should be void of conflict

3. For things to work, we must spend most of our time together

4. That relationship “bliss” of true love won’t fade

5. That a good relationship doesn’t require effort

Final Thoughts on the Expectations of True Love

Why?

Here are ten signs that someone truly loves their partner:

1. They create feelings of euphoria

2. Their uniqueness captivates you

3. Bond and commitment grows

4. They show an “urge to care”

5. Adversity strengthens the relationship

6. Their priorities shift for the better

7. They push their partner to become better

8. They’re comfortable in their partner’s presence

9. “Shortcomings” are not viewed as such

10. They give you their devotion

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