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5 Habits That Turn Off Negative Thinking

June 2, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Negative thinking serve absolutely no purpose. Zero. None. Not-a-one. Know what else? Negative thinking has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. Toxic thoughts don’t define your character, and they can’t determine your destiny. We determine the power of each negative thought. Unfortunately, we often grant negative thoughts too much influence – and this is what causes damage.

The Buddha once said: “Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.”

What do you think about that thought? Notice the word unguarded in Buddha’s teaching. As he is with most things pertaining to the mind, Buddha is once again supremely wise. Sometimes negative thoughts have a tendency to hang around – this is when cognitive reframing (i.e. ‘cognitive restructuring’) is essential.

Dr. Alice Boyes, a former clinical psychologist and author of The Anxiety Toolkit, describes cognitive restructuring as “a core part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT),” which Dr. Boyes says “is one of the most effective psychological treatments.”

No, you don’t need to participate in CBT to learn cognitive restructuring. In fact, in this article, we’re going to teach some fundamentals of cognitive restructuring. While you may not become an expert on the technique, you’ll walk away informed and – more importantly – empowered.

Here are 5 ways to reframe negative thoughts:

1. Observe the negative thought.

Take a seat in the far back of your mind and simply observe the negative thought. (Think about how you’d watch a bird flutter about on a rooftop.)

Negative thoughts are generally a product of cognitive distortions, or irrational thought patterns, something recognized by psychologists and psychiatrists the world over. You don’t require psychotherapy or medication – you only need to observe a thought, and then watch it dissipate.

2. Question any ruminations.

Ruminations are patterns of overthinking, e.g., “I have this problem, which I can solve if I just keep thinking about it.” Unless you’re actively engaging the frontal lobe of your brain – that is, attempting to solve a problem – most ruminations are pointless and filled with negative thinking.

The question then becomes “How do I reframe these thoughts?”

Here is a suggested course of action:

(a) Create two columns on a sheet of paper. Label the first column “Thought” and the second column “Solution.” (b) When the rumination appears, write down the time. Write anything of use in the “solution” column. (c) At the end of the day/week/month, count the number of times the thought appeared and any insights. Is there anything of value? If not, re-read #1.

3. Determine the evidence

Another way of reframing your thoughts is to evaluate the evidence behind them.

For example, if you’re always thinking “I never have enough money,” it may be helpful to assess the evidence and come to a solution (if needed).

Once again, you’ll create two columns. In Column (A) write any supporting proof that you “never have enough money,” e.g. bank account balance, always asking for money, etc. In Column (B) write any objective evidence demonstrating the contrary, e.g. having shelter, food, clothing, and so on.

What information is conveyed through this exercise? Can you say with 100 percent honesty that you “never have enough money”? If so, what’s the next course of action? Do you create a budget and limit your spending?

4. Practice mindfulness.

What better place to mention mindfulness than after talking about money – a near-universal stressor?

Christopher Bergland, a three-time champion of the Triple Ironman triathlon and scientist, explains mindfulness as “much more basic than most people realize.”

Bergland breaks down his approach to mindfulness in three steps: “Stop. Breathe. Think about your thinking. Anyone can use this simple mindfulness technique throughout the day to stay calm, focused, optimistic and kind.”

Structured mindfulness meditation practices and techniques, such as Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR) exist for those people seeking more formal training.

5. Understand impermanence and neutrality

We touched on this during the introduction, but it’s worth repeating: negative thoughts are fleeting and temporary; without any real power of their own.

No matter when negative thinking crosses your mind, it is crucial to understand these concepts. Be gentle with yourself. In fact, you can even create and recite a maxim, for example, “This is a negative thought. I’ll observe but not engage, as it will quickly flee.”

One terrific way to demonstrate the powerlessness of a negative thought is to distract yourself. Do something that will occupy your mind, so there’s no room for the negative thoughts.

We wish you peace, happiness, self-love and self-compassion.

“We act how we think and feel. When we remove the negative thought, with it goes the drama and pain.” – Anon

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

References:
Bergland, C. (2013, March 31). Mindfulness Made Simple. Retrieved May 29, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201303/mindfulness-made-simple
Boyes, A., Ph.D. (2013, January 21). Cognitive Restructuring. Retrieved May 29, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/cognitive-restructuring
Jain, R., M.A.P.P., A Mindful Minute: How to Observe a Train of Anxious Thoughts (Illustrated). Retrieved May 29, 2017, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/stress-better/2015/02/a-mindful-minute-how-to-observe-a-train-of-anxious-thoughts-illustrated/
Wikipedia. Cognitive distortion. Retrieved May 29, 2017, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/252764597816971535/

10 Foods To Avoid That Are Actually Labeled “Healthy”

June 2, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Advertising can be a deceptive business, especially in the health food industry. For years, companies have churned out ineffective “healthy” products while collecting billions of dollars in revenue and profit.

When scientists try to spread the truth about these foods to avoid, their voices were suppressed by more and more funding for advertising and marketing campaigns (funding by the health food companies). Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle.

Quite simply, scientists could not get information out fast enough to keep up with lies spread through false advertising, ambiguous food labeling, and the use of deceitful buzzwords like “sugar-free,” “all-natural,” and so forth. The good news is, with enough research, you can take control of your health and make your own healthy food choices.

Here are 10 health foods to avoid:

1. Microwave Popcorn

In the day, workers making popcorn developed a strange disease that was simply called “popcorn lung.” The culprit? A chemical by the name of Diacetyl.

As with most public health hazards, word eventually got out to the public. Companies responded by eliminating diacetyl; only to replace it with other additives with the same effects as diacetyl: dry cough, shortness of breath, wheezing, phlegm production, fatigue, drowsiness, headache, aches, fever, and nausea.

The better option? Make your own organic popcorn with real butter or coconut oil. No, it isn’t necessarily the heathiest snack option, but it’s definitely a healthier version of this snack.

2. Margarine

Margarine flew off the shelves as a supposed healthier alternative to butter. The product was sold based on the notion that it contained less saturated fats than butter. The problem: margarine replaced saturated fats with trans fats.

Trans fats faced an immediate backlash from health professionals – and eventually garnered plenty of attention within the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

In the end, companies once again “substituted” fats. Today, most margarine contains highly processed fats.

3. Certain vegetable oils

Like margarine, vegetable oils like canola oil cause an inflammatory response and are unhealthy by nearly every measure. The ingredients and processing methods of vegetable oils have been linked to medical conditions ranging from arteriosclerosis to vision problems.

A better option is extra virgin olive oil or coconut oil.

4. ‘Atlantic’ Salmon

The word ‘Atlantic,’ when preceding the word ‘Salmon,’ indicates that the fish was farmed. In many cases, farmed fish are treated with pesticides – including those of the banned variety. Farmed salmon (and other farmed fish) have been found to increase inflammation, contain pollutants, and increase the risk of several diseases.

A healthier alternative is wild-caught salmon, Atlantic mackerel, or Pacific sardines.

5. Table salt

Many of us enjoy a few light sprinkles of table salt to add some seasoning to a dish. But if we dig a bit deeper, we discover a correlation exists between table salt and hypertension (high blood pressure). A couple sprinkles here or there likely isn’t anything to be overly concerned with. You may just want to carefully monitor how much salt you’re putting on your food.

Healthier alternatives to table salt include Celtic sea salt and Himalayan salt.

6. Factory-farmed meat

Animals raised for meat in the U.S. – and other developed, high-population countries – are rarely grass-fed. Quite the opposite. Most of these animals are packed together in cages or stalls; collectively injected with millions of pounds of antibiotics, hormones, and other chemicals.

Consider this statistic: nearly half of all meat sampled in a study contained staph bacteria, including of the highly-resistant and potentially harmful variety.

7. Artificial Sweeteners

When introduced, diet sodas were seen as a Godsend for those who loved soda but hated all the added sugar. Something had to be added to give the product its sweetness, right?

Six things were added: aspartame, acesulfame, neotame, saccharin, stevia, and sucralose – “artificial sweeteners” for short.

Artificial sweeteners may trigger diabetes, disrupt gut flora, and brain tumors, breast cancer, seizures, and weight gain.

8. Seitan

For vegans, this one may hurt a bit. On the surface, seitan appears to be a terrific meat replacement. However, there are two properties of seitan that aren’t particularly healthy, (1) it consists almost entirely of gluten and (2) the product’s excessive sodium levels (a ½ cup contains nearly 580 milligrams).

A better option is tempeh, which also has plenty of probiotics.

9. Shrimp

Shrimp is beloved by millions around the globe. In many places, the seafood is raised the right way and sold as a natural, whole product. That’s just not the case for the U.S. and perhaps some other developed countries, as well.

Around 90 percent of U.S. shrimp purchased by consumers is imported and farmed, and subjected to pesticide treatments. Shrimp farm pond waters are treated with pesticides; some of which have been known to produce symptoms linked to Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and other cognitive impairments.

10. Fruit juice

Fruit juice seems like a very healthy beverage – that is until you read the label.

Usually, the actual fruit contained within the juice is around 5 to 10 percent. Fruit juice is also saturated with sugar, causing glucose levels to spike. Consuming too much fruit juice is also potentially unhealthy for the pancreas.

Fruit juice can be purchased naturally. It’s best to look for fruit that has undergone “pressing” – the extraction of juice from the whole fruit.

References:

Axe, J. M.D. (2017). 21 Health Foods You Should Never Eat (No Matter What!). Retrieved May 6, 2017, from https://draxe.com/health-foods-you-should-never-eat/
Strawbridge, H. (2016, December 12). Artificial sweeteners: sugar-free, but at what cost? Retrieved May 6, 2017, from http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/artificial-sweeteners-sugar-free-but-at-what-cost-201207165030

10 Foods That Fight Back Against Diabetes

June 2, 2017 by Power of Positivity

First, our readers should know whether they have a genetic predisposition to diabetes. While scientists and researchers are still determining the strength of diabetes/genetics link, knowing your family history is half the battle. Type 2 diabetes is known to have a strong genetic connection.

The other half of the battle is “modifiable lifestyle risk factors,” which includes your diet. Lifestyle may be more influential than genetics, especially for Type 2 diabetes, which is the most common.

This article discusses ten foods that can “fight back” against diabetes. We’ll also discuss some of the science behind it.

10 Foods That Can Help With Diabetes

#1 Blueberries

Blueberries are considered a “superfood,” incredibly nutrient-dense food. Blueberries are potent diabetes fighters; a natural chemical in blueberries shrinks fat cells and stimulates the release of a hormone that helps regulate blood glucose levels. A protein hormone called adiponectin, which blueberries are a rich source of, can maintain low blood sugar while increasing our body’s sensitivity to insulin.

#2 Broccoli

Heart disease is the number one cause of death for people with diabetes, which makes broccoli’s inclusion on this list mandatory. Like blueberries, it too is considered a superfood – and a potent anti-diabetic source. Broccoli is rich in sulforaphane, a compound that initiates multiple anti-inflammatory responses that maintain blood sugar levels while protecting blood vessels from diabetes-related heart damage.

#3 Dark Chocolate

This treat is not only shown to increase satiety, but it is also rich in nutrients that ward off diabetes. One class of nutrients, flavonoids, helps reduce insulin levels, improve insulin sensitivity, and reduce insulin resistance. Flavonoids found in dark chocolate may lower blood pressure and lessen the risk of heart attack and stroke.

#4 Olive Oil

Olive oil is a known staple in Mediterranean-style diets, which may reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes by nearly 50 percent. Olive oil is also considered the healthiest monounsaturated fat and enhances satiety more than butter, lard, margarine, and canola oil. Rich in antioxidants, olive oil also safeguards cellular health by fighting free radicals and promoting heart health.

#5 Fish

Many types of seafood are excellent choices for diabetes, but fish reigns supreme because of its nutritional density and breadth. Fish is low in unhealthy fats, trans fat, and cholesterol. The fat within fish is healthy, unsaturated, and contains a bounty of Omega-3 fatty acids. Also, fish is high in protein and has zero carbohydrates; the latter helps stabilize blood sugar levels. The best fish choices for diabetes include albacore tuna, halibut, herring, mackerel, salmon, sardines, and trout.

#6 Cinnamon

Cinnamon is not only a delicious spice, but it also contains some potent anti-diabetes properties, especially for lowering blood sugar levels. In addition to dropping blood sugar levels, cinnamon improves the effectiveness of insulin. Tertiary benefits of cinnamon include neutralization of free radicals, anti-cancer properties, and anti-inflammatory properties. Its ability to decrease “systematic inflammation” further protects you from diabetes.

#7 Spinach

Spinach is another superfood with some incredible nutritional benefits. Spinach is an excellent source of alpha-lipoic acid (ALA); one promising area of ALA research focuses on the acid as “a possible alternative remedy to treat the pain associated with diabetic (neuropathy).” Neuropathy is a form of (often painful) nerve damage and often complicates diabetes and diabetes-related treatments. ALA also reduces blood sugar, cortisol (the “stress hormone), and inflammation.

#8 Walnuts

Walnuts contain a fatty acid, alpha-linolenic acid, which has demonstrated anti-inflammatory traits. Additionally, walnuts contain numerous other properties that ward off diabetes. In a 140,000-person study published in the Journal of Nutrition, participants “who consumed a 28-gram packet of walnuts at least twice a week were 24 percent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes.” Walnuts are also believed to protect against arthritis, heart disease, and cancer.

#9 Sweet Potatoes

Unlike various other starches, sweet potatoes have a much lower glycemic (read: sugar) index. Moderate consumption of sweet potatoes can stabilize blood sugar levels. Standard diabetes tests indicate that the food reduces fasting blood glucose. Anthocyanins, a flavonoid that gives sweet potatoes their orange hue, assist with warding off viruses and inflammation.

#10 Cannellini Beans

Yeah, this is a new bean for me too. Cannellini beans are white beans with some incredible health benefits. In a 2012 University of Toronto study, 121 people with type 2 diabetes saw their average blood sugar levels drop nearly 200 percent more than the whole-grain control group. Cannellini beans are also rich in protein and soluble fiber – a fiber source that lowers harmful cholesterol levels.

What Causes Diabetes?

Type 1 diabetes

Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease. This happens because instead of fighting infection, your immune system goes after the insulin-producing cells in your pancreas. It’s sometimes called juvenile diabetes because it can appear in young children or teenagers. It’s unclear what causes type 1 diabetes, but a virus, genetics, or the environment could cause it.

Type 2 diabetes

This is the most common diabetes. It develops due to genes and lifestyle choices. You are susceptible to type 2 diabetes if you’re overweight and physically inactive. It can create insulin resistance when you’re overweight, especially if you carry fat in your stomach area.

Gestational diabetes

This type of diabetes occurs during pregnancy. Because there are no symptoms of gestational diabetes, every pregnant woman receives a blood sugar test to check for it.

Gestational diabetes stems from hormonal changes and lifestyle choices, and genes. Women who end up with gestational diabetes during pregnancy are at a greater risk of developing type 2 diabetes later. After the baby is born, there will be continued blood sugar tests and monitoring of the baby.

Other things that cause diabetes

Gene mutations-Certain gene mutations damage your pancreas, causing diabetes. These usually pass down through families, but gene mutations randomly occur on their own once in a while.
Cystic fibrosis scars your pancreas, so it can’t make insulin, resulting in diabetes.
Hemochromatosis leads to your body storing too much iron, which damages your pancreas.
Hormonal diseases cause insulin resistance because of too much of certain hormones.
Cushing syndrome-Too much cortisol affects your body’s insulin production.
Acromegaly- This condition occurs when your body makes too many growth hormones, damaging your pancreas.
Hyperthyroid-Too much thyroid hormone speeds up your metabolism so that insulin is eliminated quicker, causing your blood sugar levels to spike, putting you at risk for diabetes. Hypothyroidism leads to low blood sugar.
Damage or removal of your pancreas
Pancreatic cancer

Certain medications disrupt your insulin’s ability to work correctly. These medications include:

Anti-seizure drugs
Diuretics
Niacin
Psychiatric drugs
Pentamidine
Glucocorticoids
HIV drugs
Anti-rejection medications
Statins

If you take these medications and have high blood sugar, ask your doctor what you should do to manage your diabetes. They may change you to another drug that doesn’t disrupt your insulin.

10 Foods To Avoid If You Have Diabetes

1. “Fruit-based” Foods

They packed these fruit-based foods with sugar, making your blood sugar spike dangerously high. Even your favorite fruit smoothie may not be a good idea if you have diabetes. Avoid sugary fruit foods such as:

Canned fruits
Jams
Jellies
Fruit rolls
Sports drinks
Honey

2. High sodium foods

Sodium controls the balance of fluids in your body. This maintains your blood pressure. If you overeat salt, it causes fluid retention and high blood pressure. So, your feet, legs, and hands swell, which is dangerous for anyone with diabetes. High sodium foods include:

Olives
Pickles
Sauerkraut
Canned beans
Frozen dinners
Salted nuts
Smoked
Canned meats

3. Fatty meats

Meat consumption is consistently a risk of getting diabetes. These meats include

Bacon
Ground beef
Hot dog
Sausage
Bologna
Ribs
Deli meats

Meats high in saturated fat and cholesterol raise your blood cholesterol, which causes you to gain weight. This weight makes it hard to control your diabetes.

4. White flour foods

These processed foods result in blood sugar spikes. Plus, they provide little to no nutrition. These white foods include:

Rice
White bread
White pasta

They make white flour foods with refined carbohydrates. This softens the texture and strips away vitamins, fiber, and minerals, so these carbohydrates have a higher glycemic index. The glycemic index measures how quickly a food causes your blood sugar to go up. They rank foods from 0 to 100. The higher the number of food, the faster the food gets digested and absorbed by your body, causing your blood sugar to rise.

5. Processed foods

Processed foods contribute to insulin resistance, affecting your blood glucose levels. These processed foods include things like:

Crackers
Chips
Snack cakes
Cookies
Doughnuts
Pretzels

6. Sugary sauces and condiments

Sauces and condiments have a lot of sugar in them. This can cause your blood sugar to spike. Avoid spices and seasonings such as:

Ketchup
Barbecue sauce
Honey mustard
Gravy
Salsa
Tomato sauce
Sriracha
Teriyaki sauce
Worcestershire sauce
Teriyaki sauce

7. Fried foods

According to a long-term study, people who eat a good amount of fried foods have a high risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Even eating fried foods only once a week puts you at risk of type 2 diabetes. Eating out where the frying oils weren’t fresh results in a greater chance of getting heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

French fries
Fried egg
Breaded or fried chicken
Fried fish

8. Drinks

Drinking a sugary drink is like drinking ten teaspoons of sugar. This results in high blood sugar that may lead to coma or even death for someone with diabetes if left untreated.

Sports drinks
Soda
Diet soda-Even diet soda isn’t good for you if you have diabetes. The sweeteners signal insulin to be released by your pancreas.
Specialty coffee drinks-These tasty drinks often contain sugar and fat.

9. Fat-free foods

Fat-free foods are low in fat, but they’re usually high in sugar and sodium to compensate for the lack of flavor.

Light or fat-free salad dressings
Low-fat yogurts
Low-fat peanut butter
Cereal
Low-fat coffee drinks

10. Fresh fruit

Even though they’re fresh, some fruits are high in sugar and carbohydrates. This sugar boost makes your blood sugar spike.

Bananas
Cherries
Mangos
Watermelon
Tangerines
Kiwi
Lycées

Final Thoughts on Eating to Manage Your Diabetes

Whether you have a genetic disposition towards diabetes or some of your lifestyle choices have led to this condition, it’s possible to manage your diabetes. Avoid certain foods that spike your blood sugar. Instead, choose foods that fight back against diabetes so that you can feel your best. Managing your diabetes is possible with healthy eating, exercise, and controlling your medications. Don’t let diabetes get you down. Take control of it so you can lead a full, active life.

20 Behaviors a Cheaters Display Before Revealing Themselves

May 31, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Cheaters are a dime a dozen these days. But you have to wonder. Why do people in an otherwise good relationship cheat?

This complex question would demand hours upon hours of research and subsequent pontification. Suffice to say that being cheated on is one of the worst things you could ever experience in a relationship.

Perhaps a more beneficial angle – particularly for those with a susceptible cheat partner – is to elaborate a bit about the signs of cheating. It is worth noting that not every individual who expresses these behaviors will cheat or has cheated. Many individuals cheat and provide no apparent, outward reason to suspect infidelity.

It is necessary to take some deliberate precautions before confronting someone with “evidence” of unfaithfulness. After all, there’s quite a bit riding on the line to be impulsive.

20 Signs Cheaters Will Display

Here are twenty signs of a cheater you should (probably) not ignore. You may observe as few or two of these signs or myriad red flags.

1 – They are always coming home late

Your partner used to be a time hawk, always ragging you about needing to be (someplace) at (specific time), only to suddenly disclaim his/her meticulous time ownership in favor of arriving home late, it may be a sign of cheating.

Quite simply, it makes little sense for someone involved in a relationship to ignore obvious changes to how they manage time. Those that do are often willing and able to provide an honest explanation of exactly why such changes are taking place… except for a potential cheater, that is.

2 – They safeguard their phone

Nobody likes having their phone tampered with. In a serious relationship or marriage, however, it is not unusual to play with your partners phone out of habit. If your partner suddenly and uncharacteristically objects to this by snagging their phone out of your hands, it may be worthwhile to have a constructive dialogue.

3 – Cheaters have unexplained charges or lines of credit

It is common for those in a serious relationship to share financial information with each other – a “My money is your money” kind of deal. So, for your partner to inexplicably have spontaneous charges to their credit or debit cards makes little sense. Perhaps more deserving of scrutiny is a newly-opened line of credit that was neither discussed with nor approved by, their relationship partner.

4 – They “need privacy”

Make no mistake: privacy is essential to the well-being of every relationship. However, constantly insisting upon ‘privacy’ in excess is a potential misnomer when the need to say ‘privacy’ was never a prior issue until recently.

5 – Sudden and excessive defensiveness

When two people are in a serious relationship for any significant period, each individual’s personality is understood and accepted. It is enigmatic for one person to suddenly delve away from understood personality traits without raising a red flag. Indeed, this red flag may signify a sudden drift away from commitment – and towards infidelity.

6 – Changes to dress/hygiene habits

Like many things on this list, this one is based on observable habits. It is only natural to inquire into mysterious alterations in one’s sense of style or hygienic preferences. With the caveat of a “mid-life crisis,” this conspicuous sign of a potential cheater warrants further inquisition.

7 – Cheaters “need to work”

Okay, so we all need to work for a living, understandably. But, as a couple, you should feel obligated to elaborate on any significant changes to your work schedule. Unfortunately, this is one not-so-subtle excuse that cheaters use to explain away any previously-existent sense of responsibility. Work is a common and convenient excuse for several reasons. Primarily, it is a commonplace for employees to put in extra hours at the workplace, either out of necessity or a sense of obligation. However, when ‘working’ seems to become more the rule than the exception, it is time to have a serious talk.

8 – Intimacy Increases or Decreases

Things certainly change in the bedroom for better or worse. They may feel guilty and want to overcompensate for their affair. They may become adventurous and even daring when it comes to intimacy, but don’t be fooled by this ruse.

On the flip side, this person may become closed off. They may not want any intimacy from you at all. They may completely shut down all intimate acts, including handholding, kissing, and cuddling with one another. There’s something up when a person changes their intimate drives, and you need to investigate to see if there’s someone else fulfilling their desires.

9 – Attitude Changes

You can always spot a cheater by their change in demeanor. Depending on the person, they can become more doting towards you or standoffish. The changes may be sudden and drastic, or they can be over some time.

The demands of the other relationship certainly will have a bearing on their bond with you. The closer they get to the other person, the further they will pull away from you.

10 – Partners Often Catch Cheaters in Lies

One thing you can always count on is that lies always come out somehow or way. If a cheater is telling one too many stories to keep everyone happy, they will eventually slip up. The best way to catch them in lies is to sit back and observe.

There will be a story that doesn’t make sense, or they will tell a different tale when you ask about details at a later date. Don’t be shocked if the story changes too, or they have a friend on standby. When they have someone eager to verify their whereabouts, it screams that everything has been carefully planned out.

Be careful about the conniving narcissist as they are master manipulators. If someone is a habitual or pathological liar, even a lie detector test can’t prove their guilt. According to a study conducted by the UCLA School of Medicine and reported on Lie Detectors UK, they found that so many criminals these days are psychopaths.

Due to their lack of consciousness, these machines can’t detect any changes in breathing or respirations. Hopefully, the one you’re with isn’t an expert liar, and they will eventually get caught if they’re cheating on you.

11 – Spends A lot of Time Running Errands

Does your partner suddenly jump when you say you need groceries or pick up something from the drugstore? Do they seem eager to get out of the house no matter the reason? Someone who is cheating will look for every excuse possible so that they can call or meet up with their other lover.

They want to find a reason to make contact without you being suspicious. They feel if they help you out and get things done that you need to be accomplished, it won’t look so bad for them to get out and be free for just a few minutes.

12 – Communication Dies

When someone has a secret, they become cautious with their conversation. They don’t want anything to slip accidentally. Additionally, if they have something to hide from you, they certainly don’t want to get into any deep conversations where they may feel the pangs of guilt.

Sure, they become secretive about their daily affairs, but they may pull back from you and only want to communicate on matters when they have no choice.

13 – Displays Behavior That’s Out of Character

Is your partner acting weird lately? For instance, they’re getting up earlier, going to bed later, and just doing things out of the ordinary for them? Anything out of character for this person could indicate that something is wrong.

Now, keep in mind that people go through various phases in their life where they don’t feel or act the same due to stress or other situations. However, the cheater will also display odd behaviors when putting all their energy into keeping up with two lovers and hiding secrets. It’s pretty draining to live two different lives.

14 – Cheaters Take Calls in Private

One huge red flag that someone might be cheating is when they get a phone call or text and must take it in private. This is especially suspect when they don’t usually conduct business in this manner. Some people want to take the phone away from TV, kids, and other background noise if it’s a client or other significant person on the other end, which is understandable.

However, if this isn’t the usual behavior, you need to investigate. There’s no reason to take the phone outside if a parent or other relative calls. It usually indicates the person they’re talking to shouldn’t hear what’s going on or vice versa.

15 – Picks Fights for No Reason

A cheater will often try to pick fights out of the blue. The rationale behind this is that when they choose a fight with you, then it gives them a reason to leave, do something rash, or not speak. It’s a manipulative tactic used by people trying to cover their tracks.

The average couple fights at least seven times a day, so you need to ensure that it’s not just a normal part of being with someone. Usually, couples tend to fight more when they’re under stress, and according to the National Library of Medicine, the topic that causes the most arguments is money. These disagreements are often different in that they’re petty and sometimes even silly.

16 – Becomes Critical of You

A partner who once praised and adored you has become critical of your every move. It seems that you can’t do anything right in their eyes. They’re griping about little things like their steak wasn’t cooked well, the laundry wasn’t done timely, and they didn’t like the way you’ve been wearing your hair.

They’re using an old trick to justify their actions. If they can make you out as the wrong person and cite reasons why life is so bad with you, they don’t feel as guilty about cheating. In fact, they may feel that a divorce or separation is warranted based on how you’ve been lately. This is total manipulation and toxic behaviors that are nothing more than mind games.

17 – They Suddenly Have New Friends

An old trick of cheaters is to suddenly drop the names of new people in their lives. These folks can be coworkers, people they met at social gatherings, or just made-up names to throw you off track. Be careful if they spend all their time with someone you’ve never met, as it’s often very fishy.

It’s entirely possible that their new friend is a love interest. Don’t think they won’t make up a name so that they can find a way to talk about this person. These actions also show that they’re falling in love and can’t stop thinking about the other one in their life.

18 – Cheaters Take More Business Trips

Does the number of business trips they’ve been taking increase? They do not usually take business trips, but suddenly, their boss sends them everywhere? These are red flags that they are sneaky and looking for ways to get out of town.

You may want to check your credit cards and bank accounts to ensure these business trips aren’t costing you dearly.

19 – Turns The Blame on Their Partner for the Failing Relationship

You both know things are falling apart, and they want to blame you for all the bad stuff. Cheaters often don’t like to take responsibility for their actions, so it just seems better and justifies their behaviors if they blame someone else. In their eyes, if you’re the one causing them to be miserable, it’s logical to move on with someone new.

20 – Cheaters Insist on Doing Their Laundry

If someone is intimate with a person other than you, they might want to wash their clothes. This is because the clothes often have many clues to their sins. There might be lipstick on a collar or perfume or cologne on a shirt.

If they’ve always helped with laundry, this won’t apply, but if they suddenly are interested in being domesticated and helping with this mundane task, it’s a cause for alarm.

Final Thoughts on Identifying Cheaters

Nothing stings quite as bad as being cheated on by someone you love. Thankfully, cheaters usually have similar behaviors like lying, sneaking, and manipulative tactics that are relatively the same. Occasionally, someone will come forward and admit their wrongdoing and either end things with you or try to make it right.

However, the vast majority have a stake in their current relationships, and they don’t want to end things. This is often seen a lot with people who have been married for years, have kids, assets, and a divorce would be costly and messy. Some people don’t even want a divorce, as they just want to have some fun on the side.

Sure, marriage and long-term commitments can be boring at times, and you may feel like you’re in a rut. However, there are better ways to handle these downtimes than finding someone else to be romantically involved with in secret.

5 Types of People Strong Women Keep In Their Life

May 31, 2017 by Power of Positivity

There’s something to be said about the special bond that women have with each other. Observationally, when watching two female friends “hang out” together, the mutually intimate feelings are often apparent. It’s not unusual to see two girlfriends holding hands, hugging, and displaying their affection.

Men? Not so much. We’re more likely to have our hands in our pockets or arms crossed. We won’t call each other unless necessary. We certainly will not hold hands or hug. Does this mean we don’t care for our friends? Of course not. In fact, there are more similarities than differences regarding friendship between the sexes.

That said, psychology has discovered that women “tend to invest more in maintaining their friendships – calling friends regularly [and] meeting more frequently.” Men’s friendships tend to be more “transactional,” in that, we exchange favors, meet up for fun activities (e.g., watching football, playing golf), and then go our separate ways.

Strong women arguably make the best friends – even for some men. Why? Women of strength are far less likely to sugarcoat things (give honest, direct advice), encourage independence, put their friend’s needs first, have your back, and be there to inspire and encourage.

It’s not surprising, then, that strong women are desirable companions. Women are drawn to their unique qualities, and understandably so. It’s also typical for strong women to attract others with similar attributes.

Which segues into the topic of this article.

“One friend in a storm is worth more than a thousand friends in sunshine.” —Matshona Dhliwayo

Here are five types of friends that strong women keep in their life:

1. The Wise Cracker

We all need that one friend who can keep us from becoming a curmudgeon. Life gets serious – and sometimes necessarily so – but no circumstance should drain us of our right to a happy life. We need someone to remind us of humor’s importance.

Enter the Wise Cracker – the friend with cunning and humorous wit.

We should all be so lucky to have a Wise Cracker within our social circle. They’ll sense someone’s hurt and despair, and – at just the right moment – deliver a punch line that has their friend reeling from laughter.

2. The Human Polygraph

Some people can sense a lie with the precision of a polygraph machine. They may not be 100 percent right all the time, but they’re pretty close. Aside from this exceptional skill, the Human Polygraph also makes for a terrific friend.

Combine an inner strength with detective-like deductive abilities, and you get someone who will emphatically call someone on their B.S. – even if the B.S. is self-inflicted. Strong women will call their friend’s bluff out of love and compassion, refusing to let them make excuses for themselves.

3. The Virtuously Angry Friend

It’s now 2017 – 97 years after the ratification of the 19^th amendment giving women the right to vote. Still today, women all over the world (including the United States) are still having to fight for equal pay and equal rights.

Many people, not just women, are averse to conflict – this is just an inherent part of their personality. Sometimes, however, situations arise when either ourselves or someone else must employ an intelligent, mature variety of anger.

The Virtuously Angry friend demonstrates, through word and deed, that righteous anger is okay. Similarly, this friend will quickly distinguish the vast difference between anger of virtue and irrational, rude anger.

The Virtuously Angry friend teaches a critical lesson: that intelligent anger is sometimes necessary – and that it’s okay to employ this emotion in the face of injustice.

4. The Misfit

It’s not uncommon for an individual’s inner circle to resemble themselves. We witness this social arrangement throughout life. Remember high school? Boys hanging around boys, girls hanging around girls, “jocks” hanging out with “jocks”– and on, and on.

The fact that we tend to associate with like-minded people is sad; it is so because it narrows our view of the world. Indeed, this accepted social trend may limit the views of our very self. At best, this social order manifests into a type of ignorance. At worst, it breeds intolerance and spite.

In friendship terms, The Misfit embodies a different set of beliefs and ideas than our own – and leads a different type of life – which, ironically, makes them a potentially great friend. The Misfit not only possesses the capability to teach us about different viewpoints (thus tolerance); but may also observe something in us – in our character – of which we were never aware.

5. The Rooter

When life inevitably gets tough, we tend to inflict unneeded self-harm. We’ll analyze and critique our failures; accomplishing nothing and draining our self-worth and self-respect in the process.

Just as we need someone to “give it to us straight,” we also need someone who can look past our self-perceived failures and inspire. Women face several challenges in this world (some noted above). Some women need an optimistic voice to encourage them to push on despite any obstacles.

The Rooter is the friend who embraces you in a tight hug while whispering: “Remember your strengths.” They’ll be happy to list them off for you if you can’t.

References:

Riggio, R.E., Ph.D. (2014, October 09). How Are Men’s Friendships Different From Women’s? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201410/how-are-men-s-friendships-different-women-s
Tellander, H. (2016, December 16). The 5 Friends Every Woman Needs In her Life. Retrieved from https://womenshealth.com/the-5-friends-every-woman-needs-in-her-life/

How to Train Your Brain To Avoid Anxiety

May 29, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“The thing that makes fears and phobias so persistent is that virtually anything you do to oppose, escape, or distract from the anxious feelings and thoughts will be turned against you, and make the anxiety a more persistent part of your life.” – Dr. David Carbonell

While the exact cause of anxiety, particularly anxiety disorders, remains unknown, there are a few theories on why some people struggle with this mental state. Factors in one’s environment, genetics, and alteration of neurochemistry are all potential “triggers” of anxiety.

An important distinction must be made. Having anxious feelings – like many other forms of stress – from time to time is not irregular. Our brains have evolved to detect and avoid threats – a mechanism known as the “fight or flight response.”

The reasons why persistent anxiety poses a real threat to both mental and physical health is two-fold: (1) some cannot distinguish “normal anxiety” from a genuine threat, and (2) repeated exposure to #1 alters brain chemistry; thereby altering thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and emotions.

“Prevention is the best cure” is a well-known axiom within the medical community, and it is valid for virtually every known physical and mental disease in existence. Problems with anxiety are not different in this respect.

Here are five ways of “training” your brain to prevent and avoid anxiety

1. Become AWARE

The AWARE technique is another method of “interrupting” anxious thoughts before they take hold. Practitioners that advocate this approach cite its mighty impact in reducing and preventing anxious thoughts.

A – Acceptance: This means to accept what’s happening – and to “go with it.” Attempting to counteract, fight with, or succumb to anxiety only heightens its effects.

W – Watch: To “watch” anxiety in action is to remain a distant observer of its activities. Observe the fear without hesitation or judgment – a practical approach that prioritizes mindfulness. Remember: the tension and you are two different things.

A – Act: More specifically, act as you usually would and carry on about your day. Think about the task in front of you. Also, notice your breathing patterns to avoid shallow inhalation.

R – Repeat: Repeat “A-W-A” until the anxiety either dissipates or becomes entirely manageable.

E – Expect: Anxiety provokes fear – a fear that almost never surfaces. Expect the best outcome. Repeated practice of this technique will work given proper attention and focus.

2. Establish a routine to Avoid Anxiety

People that struggle with anxiety often feel that their lives are out of control. In fact, many that struggle with anxiety (e.g., OCD patients) attempt to control every facet of their lives; when their plans fail, fear often comes back with fervor.

A relatively simple way to overcome this problem is to establish a routine. Set a schedule and apply some self-discipline to stick with it. It’s important to understand that a routine (or program) needn’t place restrictions on how you live. In fact, those with a well-kept routine often discover additional free time to enjoy life.

Arrange a schedule for work, family, activities, and interests. Also maintain a sleep/wake time throughout the week.

3. Get plenty of relaxation time

Trying to relax while experiencing anxiety is often difficult. Instead, setting aside time to get some R&R while not in an anxious state is more beneficial. The idea here is to take advantage of a balanced state of mind; something that will serve as an effective countermeasure to anxiety yet to surface.

Make it a priority to get away from stressful distractions, even if it’s just 20 minutes per day. This time is your time to do what you wish. Mindful breathing is an excellent way to spend this allocated time, but anything that brings you joy and contentment is a wonderful anecdote to anxiety.

4. Stop the anxiety before it kicks in

Anxiety is a process – a complicated process, but a systematic one nonetheless. It is important to understand this, as it allows us to distance ourselves from its intended effects.

First, understand that anxious feelings are separate from yourself. You are not your anxiety. Second, know the condition(s) that trigger anxiety and try your best to mitigate or eliminate them. Third, in the anxiety should fully surface, refuse to take part in its ploy to discombobulate the mind.

Numerous methods are promoted to help stop anxiety in its tracks. Here are some examples:

– Picture a red “STOP” sign in your mind

– Reassuring thoughts, such as “I’m okay,” or “It shall pass.”

– Pinch yourself (not too hard)

– Or…just find something fun to do if you can

5. Exercise to Avoid Anxiety

If you regularly visit our site, you’ve surely noticed that we’re huge proponents of physical activity. The simple reason is that exercise, perhaps more than any other drug, supplement, or self-medication, produces numerous health benefits – and, arguably, does so more effectively than anything else we can do.

Of course, exercise is beneficial to the brain. Therefore, exercise benefits many adverse states/conditions of the brain, including anxiety. We’ll leave it to the experts to explain the rationale behind such claims.

Final Thoughts: Words from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America on How to Avoid Anxiety

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA):

“Scientists have found that regular participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem. About five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects.”

Furthermore, they say this about the importance of exercise in managing your symptoms:

“According to some studies, regular exercise works as well as medication for some people to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and the effects can be long-lasting. One vigorous exercise session can help alleviate symptoms for hours, and a regular schedule may significantly reduce them over time.”

The ADAA’s message is a simple one: management of physical health manifests into mental health benefits, especially when exercise becomes a routine practice.

(Sidenote: ADAA is an extremely thorough, knowledgeable reference for anyone struggling with anxiety and/or depression).

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