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How To Love Your Partner When They Have A Guarded Heart

May 29, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Regarding relationships, we’ve all been hurt at some point. And that can cause a guarded heart. It’s likely, knowingly or unknowingly, that your actions have resulted in someone else’s pain. When it comes to dating and relationships, most of us don’t point fingers and curse the world – it’s simply part of the “process” of finding a life partner.

Then, there are those “other cases.”

Some folks find it easy to dust themselves off and move on, and some don’t. Those in the latter group have often experienced hurt – in some form – at the hands of someone who promised the world only to deliver nothing.

As such, the main difference between those who “dust off and carry on,” and those who guard themselves comes down to trust. The ability to trust someone else and confidence in their self-trust.

Here is an analogy. If your computer was hacked, what would you do? You’d install a more robust security system. In the same (albeit more humanistic) way, those whose trust has been violated secure and safeguard their emotions. Similarly, someone whose trust has been abused instinctively begins to fortify a defensive position. Eventually, the person will slowly let their guard down. But while their “security system” has been downgraded, their defensive mechanisms remain on alert (a byproduct of evolution, by the way.)

Still, many will find a person to believe in despite their understandable reservations. But two parts do not make a whole. That other “someone” must often contend with the remnants of the guarded person’s past. Whether or not such contention is acceptable is up to the individual. However, if you genuinely love the person, you will – at the very least – try and find a way to make the relationship work.

6 Signs of Someone With a Guarded Heart

What are the signs that reveal a person with their guard up?

1. Emotional Detachment

Individuals with guarded hearts often exhibit emotional detachment. They may have difficulty expressing their feelings or connecting deeply with others. They tend to keep their emotions to themselves and may appear aloof or distant.

2. Fear of Vulnerability

A guarded heart often stems from a fear of vulnerability. People who have experienced past emotional pain or trauma may build walls to protect themselves from getting hurt again. They may find it challenging to trust others and open up emotionally.

3. Defensive Behavior

Individuals with guarded hearts tend to exhibit defensive behavior. They may react strongly to perceived threats or criticism, even unintentionally. They may become guarded and defensive when others try to get close to them or ask probing questions about their emotions.

4. Reluctance to Share Personal Information

Someone with a guarded heart may be hesitant to share personal information. They may keep their past experiences, thoughts, and feelings private, limiting the depth of their relationships. This guardedness can make it challenging for others to understand them truly.

5. Difficulty in Trusting Others

Trust is vital to any relationship, but individuals with guarded hearts find it difficult to trust others fully. They may have been betrayed or hurt in the past, making them skeptical of other people’s intentions. They may require significant time and consistent actions to develop trust in someone.

6. Fear of Intimacy

Intimacy involves emotional closeness and vulnerability. Someone with a guarded heart may struggle with fear of intimacy. They may avoid deep emotional connections and prefer to keep relationships on a superficial level. This fear can hinder the development of intimate and fulfilling relationships.

How to Love Your Partner When They Have A Guarded Heart

This brings us to the central meaning of this article: how to love someone with a guarded heart. Here are the main points that someone in this situation must understand.

“Don’t ever miss out on a woman with a guarded heart. She’s usually protecting the deepest most caring soul you’ll ever know.” -Sylvester McNutt

1. Loving a person with a guarded heart will not be easy

When the person you care for has been emotionally and/or physically abused, it’s essential to have appropriate expectations. Should the courtship last two or three dates, it’s probable that his or her past will reveal itself.

If necessary, research the psychological impacts of abuse and its intelligent impact on the person subject to it. Equipped with this knowledge, you’ve already conquered half of the battle.

2. Words are inconsequential

Someone whose heart is guarded has heard the “sweet talk” before. Ask anyone that has been in a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath. Words are almost meaningless.

Does this mean you should censor every word uttered? NO! But you should consider whether or not such words are spoken with sincerity and truth.

3. Actions are everything

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:

“Don’t say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot heart what you say to the contrary.” (This is Emerson’s original quote, which is now promulgated as “Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you say,” or some other variant.)

Digression aside, how you choose to act overwhelmingly triumphs over any words you speak. Act like a man. Act like a woman. If you love someone with a guarded heart, demonstrate your love through your actions.

Speak from the heart. Any other words should be considered meaningless.

4. Don’t give up on your winning your beloved’s guarded heart

Someone with a guarded heart expects another to give up on them. Such is the insidious result of abandonment, abuse, and neglect. If you truly (truly) love the person, you must find the wherewithal to see things through.

For others, it’s essential to be realistic about the nature of your relationship (e.g., you’re not in love, or the situation is too stressful.) Numerous unforeseen challenges will test your determination, patience, and, yes, your love.

Should you feel guilty about exiting such a relationship? Absolutely not. To love someone with a guarded heart can be overwhelming. Just do not contribute to their pain. Be caring, honest, empathetic, and straightforward.

Tell them you care about them – and that they’re worthy of the best life offers.

5. Be honest

Upon uncovering that the person you care for has a guarded heart, honesty in everything you do is the most responsible and noble act. No white lies. No “sleight of hand.”

This applies to situations when you think what you say may hurt them. Hiding or manipulating the truth is worse than being honest, even if said honesty results in someone you love experiencing hurt.

In a way, this “hurtful honesty” will help to lower the barriers around the person’s heart. They may experience a mourning period before the nobility of your actions is realized – but you did the right thing.

And doing the right thing for someone subject to emotional trauma will, sooner or later, reinforce their faith in humanity.

Final Thoughts on Loving a Person With a Guarded Heart

It’s important to remember that people with guarded hearts may have valid reasons for their behavior. Patience, understanding, and open communication can help create an environment where they feel safe to gradually let their guard down and develop more meaningful connections with others.

5 Behaviors Selfish People Display In A Relationship

May 29, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Recognizing if and when someone is being selfish in a relationship can be difficult, especially when it’s someone that’s close to you. Most people are good at heart, and we’ll give others the benefit of the doubt. People known to use others for personal gain are leeches, and they don’t care who it is they hurt.

Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of (unless you’re a leech, of course. It’s called karma.) Now, what sort of subhuman sycophant would intentionally mooch off of their partner? Not out of need, but out of greed; not out of inability, but out of laziness; indeed, it takes a *ahem* “rare” type of individual.

It certainly may just be love and devotion that makes you vulnerable to such a person. Additionally, these same feelings could make it difficult to discern your partner’s trickery; hence the reason for this article.

Here, we discuss five probable signs that your partner is taking advantage of you. Should you relate to one or more of these signs of a selfish partner, it’s past time to reconsider your relationship.

The Five Signs of Selfish People

1. Everything happens on their terms

If you’re with someone who rarely lets you make plans, you’re probably being taken advantage of; if you’re with someone who doesn’t value your time, effort, or emotional needs, you’re likely being used. A relationship without sacrifice or compromise is not a real relationship.

Do you notice any of the following selfish behaviors?

– Time spent with your partner almost always requires their “approval”

– Decisions regarding places you go, people you see, and things you do are too frequently theirs

– Your ideas are quickly rebuffed or blatantly ignored

You get the idea by now. Can you relate to one or more of these examples? If you can, the odds are that your partner is taking advantage of you. And probably in more ways than one.

2. Most communication from your partner is negative or neutral

Many relationship experts (e.g. scholars, therapists, counselors) have conclusively cited individual or mutual contempt as the best predictor of relationship failure.

Dictionary.com defines the term contempt as:

“the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain; scorn.”
“the state of being despised; honor; disgrace.”

In other words, contempt is the opposite of respect. In a relationship, contempt reveals itself through “negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of the individual.”

As you assuredly know, communication is everything in a relationship. Now ask yourself, how does your partners communication make you feel?

3. You put forth most of the effort

In a relationship, a lack of effort is often a sign of disinterest or disengagement. If you’re pouring a disproportionate amount of time, money, and energy into the relationship, something is wrong. Monetary expenditures are much less important than the emotional investments you’ve made. Money comes and goes; but if your partner isn’t willing to put the effort and time into making a relationship work then, why would you?

Abdicating responsibility in a relationship is immature, careless and selfish. No reasonable person would do that to someone who they love. It just may be time to exit stage right.

4. They don’t “label” your relationship

They’re uncomfortable with the word “girlfriend,” “boyfriend,” or any other terminology that describes your relationship as anything but casual.

When you attempt to initiate a conversation about the relation (e.g. making it official or exclusive) they quickly tense up or go speechless. The simple reason for this reaction is that they are not ready to make your relationship a priority. In fact, they may not want a relationship at all.

Time to muster up some fortitude, stand your ground, and consider your other options.

5. You’ve caught them (non-humorously) flirting with other people

We won’t spend too much time explaining the problem with flirting. Why? Well, we don’t want to insult your intelligence.

Some people use flirtation as a means of making people laugh – the person dating them usually knows this and is fine with it. This is the sole exception regarding flirting with other people. Otherwise, flirting is a behavior that stems from infidelity.

Unsurprisingly, pathological flirters are not particularly keen on self-awareness. (Got to sit back and cackle at someone who flirts with their partner’s friend and not expect to hear it.)

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Questions That Help Reveal Your Authentic Self

May 28, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your authentic self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.” – K.L Toth

Everybody possesses an ‘authentic self’ – or personal identity. Actually, most people have multiple perspectives on themselves; they possess different self-identities. No, this doesn’t indicate Multiple Personality Disorder – it merely implicates that you’re human.

The deeply entrenched foundations of what constitutes our sense-of-self/selves in thought to be based on nine variables:

– Abilities/disabilities (e.g., funny, smart, shy, introverted, extroverted, disabled, etc.)

– Affiliations (e.g., football fan, club/society membership, etc.)

– Family relationships (e.g., mother/father, brother/sister, son/daughter, etc.)

– Hobbies (e.g., athlete, collector, gamer, musician, singing, etc.)

– Occupation(s) (e.g. doctor, lawyer, plumber, electrician, white collar, blue collar, etc.)

– Quasi-occupation(s) (e.g., helper, volunteer, part-time teacher, etc.)

– Salient attributes (e.g. reliable, hard-working, good-looking, dishonest, lazy, etc.)

– Social relationships (e.g. colleague, friend, husband/wife, mentor, etc.)

– Spirituality (e.g., Buddhist, Catholic/Christian, Mind-body, Religious Humanism, etc.)

Self-identity is dynamic and malleable, even into adulthood and middle-age. The dynamism of self-identity sharply declines into the later years, though it may still fluctuate. For example, a person who is 60 years old may experience a shift in their spiritual perspectives or quasi-occupational interests.

Sharon Martin, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) explains the evolving process of self-identity:

“Developmentally, we wrestle with ‘finding ourselves’ as teens and young adults. Then we often revisit these questions in middle age. It’s both normal and essential to seek self-understanding. In order to accept ourselves and establish a sense of belonging, we need to understand who we are. A strong sense of self helps us navigate life and brings meaning to our experiences. Without it, we feel ‘lost.’”

Martin lists the four reasons why people experience a loss of identity:

Putting other people’s needs before ours. This behavior can lead to self-neglect and diminished self-worth.
Detachment from our thoughts and feelings. A myriad of distractions exists that may be used to disconnect us from “the world”: alcohol, drugs, food, and even electronics.
Experiencing a life-changing event or transition. Trauma is one example – the death of a loved one, job loss, divorce – these and other circumstances can derail us from our true selves.
Repressing and subsequently “burying” our real selves out of shame, embarrassment, fear, or having been subject to bullying and criticism. We make a conscious or unconscious decision to hide our true selves after such treatment.

Asking Yourself These Questions Every Morning Can Help You Discover Your Authentic Self

If you have a “gut feeling” that some part of you is lost, there is hope. No matter what you’ve gone through, you can still rediscover and reembrace the real you.

With that in mind, we’ve come up with a list of ten questions that may assist you on your path to rediscovery.

1. What is my biggest strength? My biggest weakness?

This may sound like a terrible job interview question, but it’s important to know our abilities and inabilities. Answering these two questions honestly gives us confidence while giving us something on which to improve.

2. What is my proudest achievement? Biggest failure?

Is there something in your life that you can be proud of? For almost everyone, there’s a “yes” answer to this question – even if you have to look a little harder.

What is your biggest failure? More importantly, what have you learned from it? If nothing’s learned, it is not failure but foolishness. Thomas Edison, arguably the greatest inventor in history, once said: “Never say I failed 99 times, say I discovered 99 ways which cause failure!” Be an Edison.

3. What am I worried about?

Many people have worrisome thoughts; some allow such worries to dictate their lives. Whatever you’re worried about, write them down. If there’s something that can be done, do it. If it’s something outside of your control, breathe (deeply) – everything will be okay.

4. What do I like to do for fun? Am I making time for fun?

Having fun must be taken seriously – and we’re serious. (Sorry).

Joking aside, Dr. Marc Bekhoff, a renowned evolutionary biologist, states that play is “a banquet for the brain, a smorgasbord for the senses, providing nourishment for body and spirit: sad then that as a society we seem to be starving ourselves of it.”

5. What do I believe in? What are my values?

We’re not talking about religion necessarily, or even spirituality, although most American’s define themselves as either “religious” or “spiritual, but not religious.”

Values and beliefs can be a certain view on politics, God, the Universe, humanity, and so on. Clearly defining your values and beliefs is necessary for a healthy sense of self.

6. What am I interested in but haven’t tried?

Continuous learning and new experiences are two essentials for a happy life. Having hobbies, as mentioned in the initial parts of the article, is also a key element to self-understanding.

7. How are my relationships?

Think about the relationships that you feel are important. How are your social and familial relationships? Is there someone you’ve lost touch with who may want to hear from you? Who do you want to speak with?

Understanding and nurturing your relationships is inseparable from your sense of self.

8. What do I like and dislike about my job?

If you love your job, a sincere “good for you” is in order. The hard work and determination to follow your passions has paid off.

If you dislike your job, you aren’t alone. It’s estimated that 80 percent of Americans “don’t enjoy” or “hate” their jobs. That said, try to think of things you consider good about your job. What do you like about it? Keep these things in mind as you go throughout the day. Also, keep your options in mind.

9. What does my inner critic tell me?

Is your inner monologue more critical than not?

Here’s an experiment: whenever possible, write down self-reflecting thoughts as they surface. At the end of the day, take a look at what you wrote.

Now (honestly) ask yourself if there’s something that can or cannot be done about what’s on that piece of paper. If not, be mindful of this fact the next time this same thought surfaces.

10. I know when I’m stressed when I __________

The World Health Organization (WHO) has dubbed stress the “Health Epidemic of the 21^st Century.” Work, relationships, life changes, environmental, and self-inflicted causes are the five leading causes of stress.

Question: What do all five of these things have in common?

Answer: For the most part, they’re controllable.

Building on this answer, it’s important to recognize our behavioral and thought patterns under stress. It’s more important that we do something about it – which leads us to mindfulness.

Mindfulness – a state of active, open, present attention without judgment (i.e. “good” or “bad” thoughts) may be the one and only answer we need. Mindfulness – through deep breathing, meditation, or task-orientation – is linked to numerous mental, psychological, and physical health benefits.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking mindfulness is easy; it is not. It takes patience and practice. But the rewards are extraordinary.

References:
Bekhoff, M., Ph.D. (2014, May 02). The Importance of Play: Having Fun Must be Taken Seriously. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/animal-emotions/201405/the-importance-play-having-fun-must-be-taken-seriously
Martin, S. (2016). 26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better. Retrieved on May 25, 2017, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2016/04/26-question-to-help-you-know-yourself-better/
Masci, D., & Lipka, M. (2016, January 21). Americans may be getting less religious, but feelings of spirituality are on the rise. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/01/21/americans-spirituality/
Soleil, G. (2016, January 07). Workplace Stress: The Health Epidemic of the 21^st Century. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gina-soleil-/workplace-stress-the-heal_b_8923678.html
Stannard, L. (2015, June 29). Five Major Causes of Stress. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from www.livestrong.com/article/92809-five-major-causes-stress/
Ylvisaker, M., Ph.D. (2006). What Is Sense Of Self? Retrieved May 25, 2017, from http://www.projectlearnet.org/tutorials/sense_of_self_personal_identity.html

10 Ways to Tell If You’re In a ‘Fake’ Relationship

May 28, 2017 by Kristen Lawrence

Being trapped in an unauthentic, fake relationship can easily take a toll on your mental health after a while. Even if your heart cries out for you to leave, it’s not always easy to walk away from a significant other.

If you’ve been with them for a substantial amount of time, you probably have fond memories. This makes it difficult to call it quits on your partner, even if your gut instinct urges you to.

However, no matter how much you love someone, you can’t stay in a one-sided relationship. If they’re not giving you their whole heart, it’s time to move on to greener pastures. You deserve to feel fulfilled and secure with your partner and not second-guess the relationship all the time. If you’re on the fence about leaving your SO, these tips can help you decide once and for all.

10 Warning Signs of a Fake Relationship

1. They’re Emotionally Distant or Unavailable.

Your partner will seem emotionally closed off or guarded in a fake relationship. Of course, they may have a wall up due to past trauma or breakups, which isn’t your fault.

However, if they genuinely love and care about you, they will attempt to move past their issues and work toward a healthy relationship. If they show no interest in opening up or getting closer to you, they may not want to take things further.

It’s your call if you want to wait things out and see if they improve. If they still haven’t made any progress after a few months, it’s probably time to end the relationship.

2. They Seem Uninterested In the Relationship.

If you’re in a fake relationship, your partner will keep you at arm’s length and avoid letting things get too serious. Perhaps they don’t want to fully commit to you because they’re seeing other people or just not interested in settling down yet.

They want to keep their options open and only invest in casual relationships. These partners will never satisfy you because they’ll always have one foot in the door and the other waiting for the next opportunity to present itself.

In a fake relationship, your partner may view you as a trophy, someone to show off to friends in social situations. However, when the two of you get alone time, they give you the cold shoulder.

3. In a Fake Relationship, Your Partner Won’t Try to Resolve Conflicts.

Conflicts occur in every relationship, even between people who deeply love one another. If you never disagree about anything, it could mean your partner isn’t interested in taking things to the next level. A certain amount of arguing in relationships is healthy because it means you’re communicating and trying to resolve. A partnership without conflicts may appear smooth-sailing on the surface, but it’s a sign of trouble in paradise.

4. Your SO Never Meets You Halfway.

A partner who won’t compromise or make sacrifices isn’t ready for a committed, authentic relationship. If your SO only looks out for themselves, they probably aren’t mature enough to handle a long-term partnership. Relationships require a certain amount of care and concern from both parties. So, if you feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort, it could signal a fake relationship.

5. They Don’t Care About Your Thoughts or Feelings.

If your partner isn’t interested in your inner world, it’s a surefire sign of a fake relationship. Two people in a healthy, happy partnership have no problem investing in each other’s emotional health. After all, to form any connection with someone, you have to allow yourself to become vulnerable.

Sharing thoughts and feelings with one another forms the foundation of a thriving relationship. If they can’t even ask how your day went, you should have a talk with them about their true intentions.

6. If They Avoid Talking About the Future, It Might Be a Fake Relationship.

Most people in a committed relationship want to settle down eventually, perhaps starting a family or buying their first home. If your partner continually dodges your attempts at conversation about the future, they may have other ideas in mind. In this situation, it’s best to break things off now before investing any further in the relationship.

7. You Don’t Feel At Ease or Comfortable With Them.

You should feel comfortable being your authentic self around your significant other, the person who’s supposed to know you best. If you feel uneasy around your partner, that’s your gut trying to warn you of their underlying intentions. A fake relationship wouldn’t make you feel insecure or unconfident about where you stand with your partner.

8. They’re Withdrawn, Cold or Aloof.

A partner who isn’t emotionally available can’t give you their whole heart, only a fake relationship. They only know how to take but can never reciprocate the energy and emotions you share. Do you pour your heart and soul into the relationship, only to feel drained at the end of the day? If so, this means your partner only cares about you regarding what you can offer them. Unfortunately, they’re not ready or able to return the favor.

9. They Never Let You Meet Friends or Family.

A fake relationship isn’t too difficult to identify from the outside looking in. Aside from the signs listed above, your partner may also keep you from their friends and family. They don’t want to give you the wrong idea that there’s a future in the cards. So, they will always make excuses when you ask to meet the critical people in their life.

10. Something Feels Off.

If all else fails, listen to your intuition about the relationship because your gut will never lie. If you’ve tried your hardest to make it work and are still unsatisfied with your partner, it’s best to break things off. Maybe you’re just not right for each other, and there’s no shame in admitting that. According to multiple studies, you’ll both have improved well-being by moving on rather than staying in an unhappy relationship.

Final Thoughts on Signs of a Fake Relationship

Nothing hurts more than being in a fake relationship with someone you envisioned a future with. Perhaps you hit it off initially, but their interest gradually waned, becoming distant. No matter what happens throughout the partnership, you’ll be better off leaving a dead-end relationship behind. It hurts you more to stay with someone who only offers half their heart, anyway.

10 Habits To Develop If You Want To Be Your Authentic Self

May 28, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“When you are authentic, you create a certain energy… people want to be around you because you are unique.” – Andie MacDowell

There’s a unique and unmistakable power in knowing, becoming, and being your real self. Those who are truly happy in life understand this power and vehemently stick to their authentic selves.

To be authentic is not to allow a situation or person to change you, unless for the better. Personal authenticity is firmly in place, regardless of who is in your company. Sure, your style of communication and how you present yourself (e.g. formal or informal speech) may change, but not your actual core.

There is undoubtedly an authenticity problem in society, as many of you have likely seen and experienced. For example, one survey found that nearly half of all people feel they need to “fake it” at work (a belief that only adds to an already stressful working environment.) When we walk into a place of business to purchase something, it’s commonplace to experience a sense of doubt about the person doing the selling. “What’s in it for them?” we ask ourselves.

While we may not be able to change someone else’s authenticity, we can certainly change ours. Feeling the need to “put on a mask” is exhausting, stressful, and (often) deceitful. It’s also risky – when people feel uncertain about you, they’re more likely to start distrusting anything you do or say.

To be your authentic self requires honesty, vulnerability, and courage – and it’s also incredibly rewarding. What does it mean to be an authentic person? And how do you find your true self? Here are some tips for how to discover yourself.

HOW DO YOU CONNECT WITH YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF? HERE ARE TEN WAYS:

1. WRITE IT DOWN

Jot down what you appreciate and love about yourself, along with what you may need to improve on. Write the names of people you want to spend your time with, and what you’re joyful and passionate about. Breathe this information in, meditate on it, and resolve to be this person. This is the authentic you.

2. LEARN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

Once you understand and accept your real self, get comfortable with it. Allow self-critical thoughts to naturally dissipate. Forget about comparing yourself to others, including what they may think.

3. LET GO

Release any guilt or self-limiting thoughts. The past is the past – it’s over, done. Be in the moment, present, and at peace with your identity. This process may be gradual, and that’s okay. Breathe, be patient, and your real self will eventually surface.

4. IGNORE THE CYNICS

As you begin to make positive changes in your life, people will start to take notice. Most will look at you with admiration and respect – a few may not. Should you become aware of this cynicism, be mindful, and their pessimism, along with any discomfort you may feel, will inevitably disappear.

5. KEEP A JOURNAL

Write down times and places when you felt your authenticity begin to wane – the actions and behaviors (yours and theirs), the situation, your observations, and the outcome. Keep this journal up to date – it will provide valuable insight into certain patterns of thoughts and behavior you may wish to change.

6. PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYONE

It’s too easy to become lazy and overlook other people – don’t make this mistake. Many people have a valuable lesson to teach if we’d only let them. Don’t underestimate the power of observation. Some of the best lessons may come without a word being uttered.

7. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING

Giving your full attention to someone else is a remarkably powerful skill. Active listening is a sign of respect and of your true interest in others, which is a gift in itself. However, it also provides: (1) a stronger bond and level of trust with others, and (2) a fantastic opportunity to learn and grow from their knowledge and experiences.

8. BE KIND

Being your authentic self and living up to your ideals means demonstrating kindness to everyone. Say hello, ask them how they’re doing, and make good eye contact while displaying a genuine smile.

9. ACCEPT CHANGE

In order to be authentic, it also means being comfortable with change. Regardless of the circumstances, remain true to your inner core. Be open to self-improvement as well, as there is nothing more authentic than changing for the better.

10. ALIGN YOUR HEART AND PATH

You have one precious life to live. Spend it following your passions and your heart. Remember, the only expectations that truly matter are the ones that you set forth. Follow your real expectations by allowing you heart and life’s journey to walk step-in-step.

Now that you have a better idea of how to discover yourself, all that is left is to work on it and, most importantly of all, be authentic. Once you have figured out how to do this, and started living it, you may be surprised at how much your life and your relationships improve.

https://youtu.be/ii0G1Cbpk20

References:
O’Brien, K. (2012, March 30). 5 Ways to Become Your Authentic Self Today. Retrieved May 26, 2017, from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4378/5-Ways-to-Become-Your-Authentic-Self-Today.html
Stillman, J. (2014, October 15). 5 Steps to Train Yourself to Be Your Authentic Self With Everyone. Retrieved May 26, 2017, from https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/5-steps-to-train-yourself-to-be-your-authentic-self-with-everyone.html
Andie MacDowell. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/andiemacdo673396.html

5 Signs Your “Fight or Flight” Response Is Making You Gain Weight

May 27, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Every day you hear about people struggling with arthritis, depression, insomnia, allergies, and indigestion, but the biggest problem that afflicts more people, are fatigue and weight gain. Those two ailments by far outdistance any other (health) problem.” – Dr. Len Lopez

The relationship between stress, adrenal fatigue, and weight gain is systematic. Picture a malfunctioning pinball machine that rapidly shoots the silvery ball between three bumpers without dropping the ball back into the slot. Tilting the table isn’t working. The only way to fix the machine is the diagnose the issue and break out your toolkit.

That (poorly analogized) pinball machine represents your metabolism. When playing pinball, it’s important to follow the ball once it hits the bumper – this isn’t always easy to do, as the ball is traveling quite fast. The same applies to the rapid, systematic relationship between stress, adrenal glands, and weight gain.

In this article, we’ll explain this relationship and the importance of adrenal glands in maintaining a healthy weight. We’ll also list a few signs that a faulty adrenal gland may be the culprit behind some added pounds.

The Stress Response

Let’s go back 40,000-plus years. Our distant Neanderthal ancestors were forced to contend with some serious hardships. Having lived during the ice age, they had to deal with some pretty harsh weather. Dastardly climate conditions, combined with a run-in or twelve with some less-than-friendly creatures, limited the average lifespan of the average Neanderthal to about 30 years old. It is proposed that we developed our fight-or-flight response during this period (more about this below.)

Our body will react to any physical or mental stress; whether we’re sprinting away from immediate danger or straining to finish our project on time. Our brain perceives this stress and initiates a chain reaction inside of the body. This chain reaction uses a pathway called the HPA axis – Hypothalamus (within the brain), the Pituitary gland (also in the brain), and Adrenal glands.

Adrenal glands are small, triangular-shaped glands that sit atop each kidney. Our adrenal glands are responsible for (among other things) the production of cortisol – a stress hormone. When cortisol is released, this signals the brain to go into a fight-or-flight response.

Unlike our Neanderthal cousins, we’re not prepping to tussle with some savage beast; yet, our brains have retained this evolutionary stress response – and many of the same physiological mechanisms that occur upon its activation. “As our bodies and minds have adapted and evolved to the changing times, the threats have become less obvious – and sometimes they aren’t even real. Today, our body can react to even perceived or imagined threats,” states Dr. John M. Grohol.

Stress and Adrenal Fatigue

When we’re under constant stress, our adrenal glands kick into overdrive in an attempt to produce enough cortisol to deal with the “threats.” While our body is well-equipped to handle short-term stressors, long-term exposure suppresses the body’s normal stress response – including those of the adrenal glands. More specifically, an important “shut down” mechanism of the adrenal glands (initiated by the brain) is impaired. This can result in a condition known as Adrenal Fatigue.

Here are some common signs and symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue:

– Mild depression or anxiety

– Lethargy and lack of energy

– More effort needed to complete tasks

– Less ability to handle stress

– Dry or thinning skin

– New or worsening allergy symptoms

– Sugar or salt cravings

– Cognition problems (such as “brain fog”)

– Decreased libido

Adrenal Fatigue and Weight Gain

(Please do not overlook the importance of the abovementioned information – as we consider it essential to understanding the mechanisms of stress-related weight gain.)

Okay, now it’s time to delve into the real issue at hand: is adrenal fatigue causing you to gain weight? Here are some signs that the condition is present and is producing added pounds:

1. You have had high stress levels for a long time.

As mentioned, chronic stress may induce a response that impairs adrenal gland function. To deduce whether or not any weight gain is a byproduct of Adrenal Gland Fatigue, you must first determine whether you have Adrenal Gland Fatigue. The first step is to evaluate the degree and duration of your exposure to stress.

2. You regularly crave sugar or salty foods.

“Stress eating” often involves the consumption of sugar or salt-laden foods. Sugar cravings are the direct result of a blood sugar imbalance, which is the product of sudden blood sugar crashes. The telltale signs of a blood sugar crash are simultaneous feelings of hunger and irritability. Salt cravings are caused by the insufficient delivery of sodium to the adrenal glands.

3. Fat is unevenly stored in the midsection.

As the caloric intake of sugary and fatty food increases, someone with Adrenal Gland Fatigue will notice a disproportionately pudgier tummy. The reason is that belly fat hastens the breakdown of fatty acids, which can be delivered to the liver quicker than other areas of the body.

4. There’s a family history of Metabolic syndrome

Metabolic syndrome (MetS) is a medical term used to describe a set of certain conditions. Among these conditions are “increased blood pressure, high blood sugar, excess body fat around the waist, and abnormal cholesterol or triglyceride levels – that occur together, increasing your risk of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes,” according to the Mayo Clinic. Metabolic syndrome is linked to cardiovascular diseases and type 2 diabetes. MetS “has a significant genetic component,” and is linked to Adrenal Fatigue.

5. You have a thyroid condition

Elevated cortisol levels over an extended period may lead to thyroid gland disorders. A thyroid disorder can range from a goiter to cancer. The most common thyroid problems are hyperthyroidism (overproduction of thyroid hormones) and hypothyroidism (underproduction of thyroid hormones). A connection has been discovered between thyroid conditions and Adrenal Fatigue.

References:
Carnahan, J. M.D. (2015, May 17). Signs You Might Have Adrenal Fatigue. Retrieved May 13, 2017, from http://www.jillcarnahan.com/2015/05/17/signs-you-might-have-adrenal-fatigue/
Grohol, J. (2012). What’s the Purpose of the Fight or Flight Response?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 13, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/04/whats-the-purpose-of-the-fight-or-flight-response/

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6 Signs of Someone With a Guarded Heart

1. Emotional Detachment

2. Fear of Vulnerability

3. Defensive Behavior

4. Reluctance to Share Personal Information

5. Difficulty in Trusting Others

6. Fear of Intimacy

How to Love Your Partner When They Have A Guarded Heart

1. Loving a person with a guarded heart will not be easy

2. Words are inconsequential

3. Actions are everything

4. Don’t give up on your winning your beloved’s guarded heart

5. Be honest

Final Thoughts on Loving a Person With a Guarded Heart

The Five Signs of Selfish People

1. Everything happens on their terms

2. Most communication from your partner is negative or neutral

3. You put forth most of the effort

4. They don’t “label” your relationship

5. You’ve caught them (non-humorously) flirting with other people

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Asking Yourself These Questions Every Morning Can Help You Discover Your Authentic Self

10 Warning Signs of a Fake Relationship

1. They’re Emotionally Distant or Unavailable.

2. They Seem Uninterested In the Relationship.

3. In a Fake Relationship, Your Partner Won’t Try to Resolve Conflicts.

4. Your SO Never Meets You Halfway.

5. They Don’t Care About Your Thoughts or Feelings.

6. If They Avoid Talking About the Future, It Might Be a Fake Relationship.

7. You Don’t Feel At Ease or Comfortable With Them.

8. They’re Withdrawn, Cold or Aloof.

9. They Never Let You Meet Friends or Family.

10. Something Feels Off.

Final Thoughts on Signs of a Fake Relationship

HOW DO YOU CONNECT WITH YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF? HERE ARE TEN WAYS:

1. WRITE IT DOWN

2. LEARN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

3. LET GO

4. IGNORE THE CYNICS

5. KEEP A JOURNAL

6. PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYONE

7. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING

8. BE KIND

9. ACCEPT CHANGE

10. ALIGN YOUR HEART AND PATH

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The Stress Response

Stress and Adrenal Fatigue

Adrenal Fatigue and Weight Gain

1. You have had high stress levels for a long time.

2. You regularly crave sugar or salty foods.

3. Fat is unevenly stored in the midsection.

4. There’s a family history of Metabolic syndrome

5. You have a thyroid condition

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