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10 Things Narcissists Do To Be The Center of Attention

January 28, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Narcissism is on the rise in western countries. It’s especially prevalent in the United States. You may have noticed narcissistic behavior in celebrities, politicians, and pro athletes. But, it’s not limited to well-known individuals, you may have a narcissist living in your own home. Their self-absorbed behavior is hard to miss. Of course, being the center of attention is especially important to a narcissist. So, here are 10 things you may have noticed a narcissist do to be the center of attention.

Engaging in a conversation with a narcissist can leave someone feeling like banging their head against a brick wall.

This may sound like an exaggeration; but, in truth, a brick wall may possess the same levels of empathy, understanding, and validation that a narcissist does. Why? Because these people couldn’t care less about what you’re saying; no matter the logic or meaningfulness behind your intended dialogue.

Conversing with a narcissist can be described in four ways: confusing, dizzying, infuriating, and meaningless. As for the effects of such conversations, narcissistic people possess the innate “gift” of shifting any sense of their own insecurity and unworthiness to anyone who will listen. Apparently, the oft-felt repercussions of conversing with a narcissist leave the victim (and victims, they are) feeling far worse off than having become involved in a conversation with such a character in the first place. Another “talent” of narcissists is evoking a sense of blame, doubt, and uncertainty – all primary objectives of such a deluded, manipulative individual.

Make no mistake; narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. Not only are they privy to their ambitions, but narcissists also experience an elevated sense of superiority and invincibility for having duped someone else.

One underlying trait of almost all narcissists is the need to be at the center of attention. The psychological term for this insatiable necessity is “narcissistic supply,” or the need for continual reaffirmation of self-perceived value. In this article, we narrow the focus to the conversational. More specifically, we’ll discuss a few telltale signs of narcissism from a conversational perspective. In particular, we’ll discuss some commonly exhibited behaviors of narcissists that illustrate their irrational desires to be the center of attention.

What is a narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex condition. The characteristic behavior of a narcissist include the following:

Self-absorbed
Extravert
Exhibitionist
Self-centered
Self-indulgent
Dominate
Non-conformist
Aggressive

Interestingly enough, narcissists also have a deep sense of emptiness and insecurity. They are also difficult to relate to and usually have broken relationships with the family.

What causes NPD?

For years, researchers thought that the main reason for a person develops NPD was due to a lack of care or mistreatment growing up. But recent studies found that individuals with NPD were more apt to have a childhood characterized by being overprotective, overly valued, and having lenient parental discipline. Being mistreated was a minor factor in developing NPD. When kids are pampered, it was found they become grandiose and more vulnerable to insecurity with unrealistic views of themselves. They feel entitled yet lack the ability to govern themselves in situations.

Lacking care or having mistreatment can contribute to other personality disorders, but it’s thought these situations don’t contribute a significant amount to the development of narcissism. Other contributing factors to NPD include the following:

Overly sensitive to a child’s needs
Overparenting
Leniency setting rules and boundaries
Not wanting your child to experience failure
Over-evaluation of a child’s ability
Over involvement
Permissiveness

There are two main types of narcissistic behavior: vulnerable and grandiose. They are expressed similarly but for different reasons. Grandiose narcissistic behavior was associated more with overprotection and over-evaluation, while parental leniency was associated with vulnerable narcissism.

Here are ten behaviors narcissists exhibit to become the center of attention:

Here are the ten primary traits of a person with NPD. These characteristics are what narcissists employ to remain on center stage.

1. Reverse Projection

Before knowing that we’re in the company of a narcissist, we’ll relate to the person as if they’re rational human beings. As we don’t purposely deceive or manipulate people, we innately trust that others will reciprocate such qualities.

However, when this trust is violated, we’ll often feel confused, hurt, and – in a way – responsible for the narcissist’s behavior. The horrible thing is that this is exactly what narcissistic people want.

Without diligent caution, a narcissist can quickly “twist the conversation,” making you take on the burden of guilt. Meanwhile, the narcissist subtly reverses the reality of the situation and takes on the role of an innocent victim. In other words, they reverse roles.

2. Incessant Blaming

Narcissists will intently switch sensitive topics (e.g., work responsibilities) to divert your attention. They do so to put you in a defensive position, regardless of merit behind such tactics. They’ll interrogate, focusing on any and all real or perceived faults.

In turn, you’ll rightly defend yourself. Meanwhile, the narcissist will continue to hammer away at their inconceivable notion about you “being in the wrong.” Concurrently, they’ll refuse any accountability for their behavior and leave you in a resistive state. All the while, they’ll justify their “blame game” by pointing their fingers at you for having created any drama or problems in the relationship.

3. Shock And Awe

When a narcissist apparently displays anger or rage, it is their intention to bully you into submission. This is an enigma, as narcissists typically don’t exhibit such vocal or physical behaviors.

The intent here is to confuse and intimidate their victim. Rational people, especially those not usually accustomed to such outbursts, may become confused and intimidated. As a result, the victim may let down their defenses and become susceptible to suggestion.

A weakened state is what the narcissist wants, as it leaves you vulnerable to their unquenchable need for control and dominance.

4. Playing the Victim

Deceitful people love playing the victim, and narcissists certainly fall under this category. Narcissists accomplish this by garnering undeserving pity. The tragedy is that this manipulative tactic is executed at the expense of another – a person who is often the deserved recipient of goodwill from others.

Though narcissists are an emotionally-neutral group, they acutely understand the power of human empathy. This knowledge is used to counter any real or perceived “threat” to their self-glossed superior standing. In the event that they hurt someone, they’ll take on a defense position – this often involves the emotional manipulation of those close to them.

5. Interrupting

Narcissists have an insatiable desire to be the center of attention at all times. When the topic at hand does not involve them, they’ll quickly interrupt the dialogue and attempt to refocus the conversation back to themselves.

If someone vehemently interjects, attempting to redirect the conversation, they’re quickly neutralized by the narcissist and rendered to silence. This is a narcissist’s optimal result. Should such a malignant attempt fail, the individual will immediately be placed on the narcissist’s “hit list” – a perceived threat to be dealt with according to the narcissist’s distorted view on what’s truly important…them and them only.

6. Elevate themselves

Narcissists feel the need to be superior. They want to be recognized and applauded for who they are and what they do. To accomplish this, they surround themselves with people who will cater to them. Of course, the relationship is one-sided, the narcissistic have no interest in the person who affirms them. If they stop getting the attention and affirmation they feel they need, the narcissists feel betrayed and angry.

7. Extremely Competitive

Individuals with NPD have a merciless competitive nature. They are ruthless in their desire to win, seeing it as a chance to test their strength and survival skills. A narcissist feels they must win, even if they need to cheat to win. They separate their feelings from their actual abilities because winning is the most important thing to them.

8. Lack of empathy for others

Strangely, though a narcissist seeks other people’s affirmation and approval, they lack sensitivity and understand towards others. They feel no empathy, which helps them accomplish things. They’ll push past their emotions to accomplish what they want. They have a total discontent with people’s feelings without consideration of empathy for others.

9. They bully

A narcissist attacks if they feel threatened. They’ll bully and goad those who have what they want. This is especially true of people the narcissist thinks of as confident or popular. They hate it when people won’t do what they want, or if someone challenges them. This person will use patronizing, and dismissiveness as a way to belittle others who they feel threatened them. They use insults, name-calling, and threats.

10. Brag about their accomplishments

Those with NPD see themselves as better than others. They feel superior above the crowd. Additionally, they brag to others about their accomplishments, their power, intelligence, and attractiveness. They strive to be the best, and strangely enough, they’re often successful in their professional careers. Narcissists self-flatter, exaggerating their accomplishments and their abilities. They must feel better than others because they have a frail ego. They need to boast and put others down because this builds them up. Finally, they worship their abilities and feel the need for everyone else to do the same.

Why do narcissists succeed at their game?

It’s weird that with so many bad characteristics, narcissists can be successful. They’re driven to succeed and beat out the competition. They’re leaders, not because they work well with people but because they push and push. They don’t do well with their employees, but often because they’re successful their companies do well so employees get benefits from staying on the team.

Why don’t narcissists have friends?

Adult narcissists are unhappy people, they’re not nice to be around because they’re so self-absorbed and arrogant. They can be charismatic and self-confident, which many people are drawn too at first, but it wears off as others realize the dark underside of the narcissist’s personality. First impressions of a narcissist are deceiving. First impressions of a narcissist are that they are

Self-assured and competent
Warm and charming
Funny and witty
Flashy or attractive

The initial impression fades over time as the true nature of how the narcissist is revealed.

How do you deal with a narcissist?

Sometimes you need to deal with a narcissist, so how do you deal with them?

Stay away

Be leary getting into a relationship with a narcissist. If you’re attracted to someone like this, step back. Don’t jump into a relationship. Wait and see what they’re really like. Good chance people will warn you about this person’s narcissistic behavior. Believe them and stay away.

Just endure it (if you must)

If it’s your boss, you may have to endure their behavior. You can admire their achievements and success even though you can’t stand them. Just listen to them and look interested in what they’re saying. If you can’t stand it, change jobs. Narcissists usually win.

Don’t expect to be treated fairly

If you’re living or working with a narcissist, you’ll suffer. Don’t expect them to treat you differently from everyone else. They won’t be empathetic to you or feel differently towards you.

Get them to consider what others think of them (…at least give it a try)

This is what matters to a narcissist. So asking them what people think of them gets their attention. They don’t want their reputation to be harmed. They hate the idea of looking bad to others so you can use this angle to get their attention.

How do you help a narcissist?

If you’re living with someone who leans towards narcissism and seems to want to be the center of attention, here is something you can do to help them.

See them as an individual

Narcissists aren’t evil people. They have traits and tendencies towards this complex disorder, but no one person has all the tendencies of narcissism. See them as people in need of help, first and foremost.

Understand what narcissism is and how it begins

Once you understand the dynamics of NPD, and understand why this person is acting like this, you are in a better place to help them. It will help you in conversations with the person.

Understand how hard it may be for them to change

It’s hard for all of us to change, but narcissistic behavior is callous since it’s tied up with the person’s insecurity and upbringing. If they really want to change, it will take a while.

You may need to move on

If the narcissistic person in your life doesn’t want to change, you may need to sever the relationship. This is especially true if the person is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive to you.

Final thoughts on why narcissists want to be the center of attention

Narcissistic behavior is a growing problem in the world. It’s becoming a common attitude seen in celebrities, athletes, and politicians. Most narcissists long to be the life of the party. Their narcissism affects how they view themselves, how they view others, and how they view life. They’re often charming at first and seem very self-confident. You may find yourself drawn to these people, but generally, you learn they’re not who you thought they were.

It can be an uphill battle relating to a narcissist, but sometimes you must relate to them at work or school or even in your family. You may be surprised at their successes as businessmen and businesswomen or leaders. It’s common and there are a good number of presidents, CEOs and famous people who are narcissists. Narcissism is here to stay. As you understand this disorder, you will know how best to relate to individuals and hopefully help them stop being the center of attention.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How to Get Stronger and Slimmer In Less Than 15 Minutes

January 28, 2017 by Kristen Lawrence

Nowadays, people need an effective and time-efficient way to exercise. Why? Because you want to be slimmer and more vital. But, your hectic schedule will not permit anything else.

The good news is that we can “get in” an effective workout that doesn’t consist of spending an hour in some crowded gym. Of course, it does require the ability to discern between the “get fit quick” garbage and actual science.

An abundance of physiological research has discovered one key fact relating to exercise and fitness: time doesn’t matter as much as effort. There’s another critical fact: high-intensity, short-duration workouts are among the most effective for gaining strength and losing weight.

This article will discuss a routine that will help you gain strength and torch fat. Moreover, you

won’t need a gym
do not need weights
will work out at home.

Here is the 14-minute workout that’ll get you going without further ado.

How to Get Stronger and Slimmer In Less Than 15 Minutes

Instructions:

Perform the routine three times per week
Do each exercise for forty seconds; rest for ten seconds; move on the next
Don’t worry about performing a hundred reps right away. What’s most important is trying your best to maintain form throughout each movement.
You’ll notice that many exercises begin in the plank position. The plank position is the starting pushup position – arms, legs, and back straight.

Exercises

(Note: illustrations and demonstrations of the exercises mentioned here are available online.)

1. Bicycle Scissor Kicks

Starting position: Lie on your back, legs straight, fingertips behind the head.

Motion: (I) Raise left leg directly over hips while raising the right shoulder and rotating the elbow towards the knee. (II) Lower the left leg while lifting the right leg and rotating the left elbow towards the knee. (III) Alternate.

2. Plank Walk To Pushup

Starting Position: Plank position with hands under shoulders and feet together.

Motion: (I) Position left hand next to right hand while spreading right foot about hip-width from left foot. (II) Move to the right for two feet, then lower into a pushup. (III) Repeat movement to the opposite side (motions I & II constitute one repetition).

3. Squat to lunge

Starting position: Feet shoulder-width apart, knees bent, hips lowered into a squatting position.

Motion: (I) Move left leg back and bend the knee (a “reverse lunge”). The upper body and right shin should be parallel as much as possible. (II) Get back to squat position and repeat.

4. Jab-Cross

Starting position: Feet staggered, knees bent, hips angled slightly to the right side—fists at chin level.

Motion: (I) Punch straight with the left hand. (II)Rotating the right foot, punch straight out with the right fist while turning the palm. (III) Continue for 15 seconds, switch feet starting position, and repeat.

5. Side Lunge To Jump

Starting position: Standing, position your right leg approximately two shoulder widths apart from the right shoulder. Elbows are bent, and hands are together. Both feet facing forward, lower the hips while bending the right knee and straightening the left leg.

Motion: (I) Step back with the right leg and stand; jump while raising hands overhead. (II) That’s one repetition; switch and continue alternating sides.

6. Pushup to kick-over

Starting position: In plank position with hands under shoulders; feet hip-width apart.

Motion: (I) Raise your left hand while extending your arm; sweep your right leg under the body and move it in a kicking motion to the opposite side. (II) Return to plank position and lower body into a pushup. Alternate and repeat.

7. Double crunch

Starting position: Lying flat on a surface with arms fully extended overhead.

Motion: (I) Tightening the abdominal area, lift your back straight up while moving your knees into the chest. “Sweep” arms low to the ground while touching your feet or holding your shins. (II) Return to starting position and repeat.

8. High knees

Starting position: Elbows bent, shoulders relaxed, moving into a slow- to fast-paced jogging motion.

Motions: (I) Maintaining a jogging motion, progressively lift your knees higher until the leg is at a 90-degree angle. (II) If comfortable with movement (I), lift knees until they are above the waistline.

7 Lifestyle Changes to Help You Get Slimmer (Besides Exercise)

1. Eat more protein.

If you’re looking to get slimmer, consider adding more protein intake to your diet. Protein increases satiety for longer durations, reduces hunger, and fewer calories consumed. Several hormones contribute to feelings of hunger and satiety, including GLP-1 and ghrelin.

The research discovered that when study participants increased protein from 15 to 30% of overall calories, they ate 441 fewer calories daily. They also lost 11 pounds for 12 weeks without cutting out any food groups.

Some ideas for protein-rich foods include eggs, chicken breasts, fish such as salmon, lentils, beans, quinoa, and meat substitutes if you’re vegan/vegetarian. Eating a protein-rich breakfast, in particular, will help you eat fewer calories throughout the day.

2. Don’t buy unhealthy foods or hide them from sight.

If you buy cheat foods at the grocery store, place them out of sight when you get cravings. This way, you may forget they’re even in the house, and you can maintain your diet to get slimmer. Studies have found that keeping unhealthy foods in plain view may increase hunger and calories consumed. Another study even found that those who store snack foods on countertops weighed more than participants who kept a bowl of fruit on the table.

We’re not saying that you should never enjoy junk foods because everyone deserves treats now and then. But, if you’re trying to lose weight, keeping snacks in the house will only test your willpower and perhaps hinder any progress. So it’s best to store unhealthy foods in cupboards or cabinets where you can’t see them.

3. Consume plenty of fiber to get slimmer.

It’s well-documented that eating more fiber improves digestion and gut health while also helping you stay trim. Since fiber takes longer to digest, it helps increase satiety and reduces overall calories consumed. Viscous fiber, in particular, can help you get slimmer since it forms a gel in your gut, which slows digestion and increases nutrient absorption.

You’ll find this type of fiber in plant foods such as oats, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, oranges, flax seeds, and beans. However, all kinds of fiber can help you lose weight and reduce body fat. Other sources of fiber include blackberries, apples, broccoli, pears, strawberries, avocados, raspberries, carrots, and peas.

4. Drink more water.

Most people interested in getting slimmer know that they need to drink plenty of water throughout the day. If you drink water before eating a meal or snack, it can reduce the calories you consume and help you feel fuller. One study found that participants who drank water before eating lost 44% more weight over three months than the control group. Those who replaced high-calorie beverages such as soda or juice with water had even better results.

You should drink about three liters of water per day, and even more, if you exercise vigorously. If you work outdoors in hot climates, remember to stay hydrated throughout the day and take frequent water breaks.

5. Eat smaller portions.

It’s no secret that American portion sizes have gotten huge in the past few decades. Many people find that they have leftovers for a couple of days after eating at a restaurant.

So, if you’re trying to get slimmer, it’s probably best to eat at home most of the time. This way, you can control your portions and the calories in the meals.

One study found that adults who ate a dinner appetizer twice the standard size consumed 30% more calories. One effective way to eat smaller portions is to serve food on smaller plates. Then you won’t feel tempted to eat more than you need to feel satisfied.

6. Eliminate distractions at mealtimes to get slimmer.

Sadly, we’re more distracted than ever in the modern world, which can lead to eating more calories. For instance, people who eat while watching TV or playing on their phones may not know how much they’re consuming. A meta-analysis revealed that people who weren’t mindful during a meal ate nearly 10% more.

As you eat, pay attention to each bite of food while you chew. If you slow down while eating and take time to savor your meal, you’ll feel more satisfied with fewer calories. Also, practicing gratitude for the sunlight, farmers, and grocers who helped prepare your meal will help you feel more appreciative while eating.

7. Get plenty of sleep and practice stress management.

If you want to get slimmer, you shouldn’t overlook adequate sleep and stress management. Studies reveal that sleep deprivation could cause hormones such as leptin and ghrelin to become imbalanced. In addition, cortisol increases when you lose sleep, making you crave unhealthy, high-calorie foods for quick energy.

Chronic sleep problems and stress can elevate your risk of developing diseases such as obesity and diabetes.

So, make sure to have a sleep routine in place and turn off technology a couple of hours before bed. Practice mindfulness techniques such as meditation to lower your stress levels and prepare your body and mind for restful sleep. Prioritize your health, and you’ll find that getting slimmer isn’t nearly as difficult when the body and mind are synchronized.

Final Thoughts on a New and Slimmer You

Being slimmer doesn’t entail spending hours per week at your local gym. Of course, some exercise each week is recommended to keep your body and mind healthy. But, other aspects of health are just as important, such as eating a balanced diet, managing stress, and getting plenty of sleep.

If you don’t enjoy gym workouts, you can easily exercise at home using only your body weight for resistance. The workout above is a great total body workout that you can complete in 15 minutes or less. Hopefully, these tips will help guide you down the path to a new, slimmer you (but you right now are perfect already!)

If You’ve Ever Had Deja Vu, Here’s What It Means

January 26, 2017 by Power of Positivity

You’ve probably experienced déjà vu at least a few times in your life and wondered, “What just happened to me?” Déjà Vu’s meaning comes from the phrase “already seen” in French, and occurs when we feel like a person, place, or thing is familiar to us without actually having experienced them before.

This strange phenomenon happens to as much as seventy percent of the population. However, 15 to 25-year-olds experience it more than any other age group.

Maybe you’ve driven down a road in a foreign country before, and it just felt very familiar to you. That is deja vu. Indeed, it’s the knowledge of “I’ve been in this place before”.

Logically, however, you know you haven’t. But while that is the term’s literal meaning, that doesn’t explain what it is or why it happens.

So, what does deja vu mean? We’ll get into all the details so you’ll have a deeper understanding of it the next time it happens to you.

IF YOU’VE EVER HAD DEJA VU, HERE’S THE MEANING BEHIND IT

While different people experience it differently, the phenomenon’s meaning remains universal. Scientists have even begun researching the sensation because so many people experience it. So, they wanted to gain more insight into what causes it.

One study by Akira O’Connor and his team at the University of St. Andrews, UK, found that deja vu occurs so that we can ‘check’ our memories. To test the phenomenon, O’Connor and his team found a way to trigger the feeling of deja vu in the lab.

To conduct the study, O’Connor and his team first found a way to trigger ‘false’ memories. They would tell the participants a list of related words – such as bed, pillow, night, and dream – but leave out the one word linking them together; in this example, sleep. When the team quizzed the participants later about the words, many believed they heard “sleep,” which would be a false memory.

To recreate the feeling of deja vu, O’Connor’s team asked the participants if they had heard any words beginning with the letter ‘s.’ They said they hadn’t. Later, when asked if they had heard the word “sleep,” they remembered that they couldn’t have. Still, the word still felt familiar. “They report having this strange experience of déjà vu,” says O’Connor.

The team used fMRI to do brain scans on the 21 volunteers while they experienced the sensation. You might have expected that area of the brain that sorts memories, like the hippocampus, would become active during this phenomenon. But this surprisingly didn’t happen. O’Connor’s team discovered that frontal areas of the brain involved in decision-making became activated instead.

He believes this occurs because the brain’s frontal regions are likely sorting through our memories and sending signals if there’s a memory error. This would create a conflict between what we’ve experienced and what we BELIEVE we’ve experienced.

“It suggests there may be some conflict resolution going on in the brain during déjà vu,” says Stefan Köhler at the University of Western Ontario in Canada.

WHAT THE STUDY SAYS ABOUT YOUR MEMORY

The study suggests that deja vu is just a part of having a healthy memory-checking system. In fact, people who experience deja vu more often are less likely to forget the details of important events.

This would explain why more young people experience this phenomenon since memory tends to decline as we age. “It may be that the general checking system is in decline, that you’re less likely to spot memory mistakes,” says O’Connor.

Christopher Moulin at Pierre Mendès-France University in Grenoble says the study results don’t look too promising for people who have never experienced deja vu. “Without being unkind, they don’t reflect on their memory systems,” he says.

On the other hand, people who don’t experience this feeling may have a better memory in the first place, says O’Connor. He says that if they aren’t misremembering events, deja vu won’t become triggered.

Köhler says they still don’t know if deja vu benefits the brain. He says this:

“It could be that déjà vu experiences make people cautious, because they might not trust their memory as much. But we don’t have any evidence for that yet.”

While some people believe that deja vu’s meaning is related to past life experiences, no one can really confirm this. However, it is still an interesting idea nonetheless. And if it proves true, it could allow us to learn about ourselves much deeper.

Have you ever had deja vu? Let us know in the comments!

15 Psychology Tricks That Will Give You The Upper Hand

January 26, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Psychology often tells us, mind over matter. And there appears to be truth to this adage.

“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” – Miyamoto Musashi

Miyamoto Musashi is arguably the greatest warrior to have ever lived. Known as “Japan’s Greatest Swordsman,” Musashi wrote The Book of Five Rings; a manuscript on philosophy, strategy, and tactics that is, to this day, studied by both warriors and non-warriors alike.

In his book, Musashi repeatedly emphasizes the importance of the mind to win in any endeavor. In any battle, internal or external. The great swordsman was well ahead of his time in this respect, as were many other people of warriors as well as spiritual leaders.

Fast-forward to present day, and this knowledge acquired long ago continues to be passed on. Even some within the scientific community – one known for its rigorous criteria – have reaffirmed the findings of ancient teachers. Neuroscientific research, for example, has conceded many of the Great Buddha’s meditative teachings; namely, his declaration’s on meditation and the mind (or brain).

The point: the mind’s power is nearly limitless – a manifestation of the vast Universe.

In this article, we discuss fifteen psychology “tricks,” that you can use to gain an advantage. Mr. Musashi would be proud.

Here are 15 powerful psychology based mind tricks you can use to:

1. Remember People’s Names

Terrible with names? Most of us are. Remembering a person’s name, especially in an office setting, can help make a great impression.

Try your best to memorize the name after it’s said the first time. Repeat the name a few times, and make it a point to greet the person by first name the very next time you seem them.

2. Expertly Negotiate Using Psychology Tricks

Most people are genuinely uncomfortable with silence. The next time you’re able to bargain or negotiate, make an offer and then stay quiet. This discomfort may be enough to tilt the odds of a good outcome in your favor.

3. Portray Confidence

It’s said over and over that good eye contact is importance in forging strong connections. The problem is that not everyone is comfortable with initiating and maintaining eye contact for this reason.

Instead, try to determine the person’s eye color or eye size. This may help sustain eye contact and reduce the sense of awkwardness.

4. Psychology Can Help You Finish a Meeting

What do most people do who’re ready to end a meeting? They stand up and everyone follows, right?

If you find yourself leading a group meeting, remain sitting until the very end. This will help ensure that people stay in place until you’re ready to finish.

5. Build Trust and Comfort

Mirroring body language has a distinct way of gaining someone else’s trust and respect. Clearly, this cannot be effective without subtlety. As such, mimic small movements to avoid instigating a sense of discomfort in the other person.

6. Exude Importance

Nobody likes a pompous jerk; but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel important occasionally, even if it’s just for yourself.

Straighten up your back and keep your head upright. Others will notice, and so will you.

7. Instantly Improve Your Life

When we smile, our brain instantaneously releases “feel-good” neurotransmitters. Endorphins are responsible for a wide range of emotions: confidence, joy, and optimism among them.

Smiling may be all you need to have a better day.

8. Use Psychology to Become More Memorable

In a sequence of events, we’re more likely to remember the beginning and the end. Think of your favorite movie. Do the beginning and end stick out in your mind?

Use this to your advantage. If you want to be remembered, ask to be first or last in anything that involves a sequential number of people (e.g. tryouts/performances, job interviews)

9. Convince People

Nodding when articulating a point of emphasis subconsciously evokes a sense of agreeableness in another person. As such, use nodding when trying to convince someone of your P.O.V.

10. Obtain More Goodwill

Ben Franklin once said: “He that has once done you’re a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself obliged.” In other words, asking favors creates more goodwill than fulfilling them.

Fittingly, this phenomenon is referred to as the Ben Franklin effect.

11. Decipher Group Cohesion

Maybe you want to assess the strength of alliances at your new workplace. Or maybe you just want to see who you like the best.

When a group laughs together, look at the person in mind and pay attention to who they first look at. Often, this is the person with whom they’re closest.

12. Avoid Group Conflict

If you’re inclined to believe someone is waiting to confront you in a group setting, sit as close to them as possible. Physical closeness can defeat conflict, as the situation makes it more uncomfortable for the hostile person.

13. Tell If Someone’s Watching

Professor Colin Clifford, a psychologist at the University of Sydney, says: “It turns our we’re hardwired to believe others are staring at us.” To confirm this belief, we can check if someone mimics our actions.

For example, quickly check your cell phone or watch, and then see what the other person does. If they do the same after you look at them, it may be an indication they’re watching you.

14. Feel More Confident Using Your Understanding of Psychology

This one’s kind of simple, but true nonetheless. A confident posture, as perceived by your brain, is one that takes up as much space as possible. Having an open chest and “long” arms and legs is one that assumes such a position. You’ll probably feel more some immediate self-assurance.

15. Acquire More Information

Trying to obtain information from someone is not always an easy task. Once again, you’ll want to take advantage of silence and eye contact. Maintain this, and the person is likely to begin speaking again – and offering up some more info.

Researchers Reveal The Root Cause of Addiction (And How to Overcome It)

January 26, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.” – Johann Harri

Intro: The Science behind Addiction

Science has discovered that addictive substances essentially “highjack” the brain’s reward system. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), “drugs are chemicals that affect the brain by tapping into its communication system and interfering with the way neurons normally send, receive and process information.”

Interfering with the way neurons normally send, receive and process information. In other words, drugs alter normal brain function in about every conceivable way.

Physiologically, the chemical makeup of drugs stimulates the brain’s reward system and floods this area with dopamine. Dopamine is an essential brain neurotransmitter – it regulates emotion, motivation, movement, and pleasure. The euphoric feeling that often accompanies drug use is a reinforcement mechanism that often persuades the “user” to repeat the behavior.

A New Way of Looking at Addiction

There are many things that trigger the release of dopamine. One that is not mentioned too often is human connection. For example, when we’re attracted to or in love with someone, our brain releases dopamine in addition to oxytocin – another “feel good” chemical.

Aside from balanced dopamine and other brain chemical levels, proper development and maintenance of neural function in the brain are required for a healthy brain.

Any number of factors can alter this delicate chemical balance and cause unintended consequences, such as addiction.

Putting two and two together, a growing number of medical experts are researching a new way of looking at, and ultimately treating, addictive behaviors. More specifically, how emotional disturbances, traumatic events, and relationship-oriented factors correlate to addiction.

Optimal Brain Development Requires Connection

In a 2000 book titled A General Theory of Love, three psychiatrists from the University of California, San Francisco examined the neuroscience behind human connection.

Co-authors Dr. Thomas Lewis, Dr. Fari Amini and Dr. Richard Lannon, advanced the idea that human beings require social connections in order to develop an optimally functional brain. Relatedly, the scientists discovered that children raised in a nurturing, loving household acquire an emotional resilience that helps them overcome difficult circumstances later in life; whereas, children not raised in this type of environment are more susceptible to emotional trauma and distress.

Putting the Pieces Together

“Ask not why the addiction, but why the pain.” – Dr. Gabor Mate

Gabor Mate is a world-renown physician in the neurological, psychiatric, and psychological fields of medicine. Dr. Mate also happens to be a highly sought-after speaker on the topic of addiction.

In his practice, Dr. Mate counsels many individuals with drug addictions. He has observed the strong correlation that exists between childhood trauma – as a result of limited human connection – and the rates of substance abuse. Dr. Mate concludes that the resulting trauma experienced by a substance abuser has rendered them severely deficient when dealing with emotional distress.

Trauma, especially from a severe lack of human connection, often renders one helpless in dealing with emotional stressors. Tragically, these people all too often turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with them.

Finding a Solution to Addiction

Dr. Mate asks drug abusers to “Ask not why the addiction, but why the pain.”

The doctor is adamant that reestablishing human connection is vital to solving any underlying pain in addicts. This can be a difficult step for an addict to take, as it requires the individual to fully confront and feel pain that has accumulated – and, most likely, been avoided – for a number of years.

And Dr. Mate states that it can’t be done alone, “You have to be with that pain, but you have to have support.” This reestablishing of human bonds is an attempt to change the neural structure (made possible by neuroplasticity) that allows one to be emotionally resilient.

The “simple” solution, then, is to reestablish human connections and to seek help from knowledgeable people. In other words, allowing oneself to receive and give love that has all too often been missing.

References
National Institute of Drug Abuse. Drugs and the Brain. Retrieved January 20, 2017, from https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drugs-brain
Zehr, P. E., Ph.D. (2013, March 13). Teaching an Old Brain New Tricks (and Kicks). Retrieved January 20, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/black-belt-brain/201303/teaching-old-brain-new-tricks-and-kicks

5 Types of Toxic People To Never Keep Close

January 26, 2017 by Kristen Lawrence

Toxic people will enter into and exit our lives and (sometimes) our consciousness. In our lifetime, we inevitably encounter all types of human beings: lovers and haters; friends and foes; truth-seekers and liars. Throughout these countless interactions, one immutable truth remains:

We either benefit or suffer from the people we encounter. Either way, we take the lessons and memories from each type of individual.

First, we must learn how to recognize people who, intentionally or unintentionally, inflict damage upon the undeserving. This crucial step helps prevent any collateral damage from their presence in our lives. This recognition, even if delayed, allows us to take the necessary measures to resolve internal and external conflicts.

Toxic people can enter our lives at work, school, or in romantic relationships. We encounter them every day and can’t always avoid their presence. However, we can choose to keep these relationships casual and not get close to overly negative people.

It’s important to understand that avoidance or rejection does not devalue such a person’s humanity. Nobody, regardless of their personality traits, deserves such a fate. On the other hand, we also deserve inner peace, and it’s in our best interests to safeguard this sacred human right at all costs.

5 Types of Toxic People to Keep at a Distance

Preserve your peace of mind by avoiding these energy vampires.

1 – Those that shift blame.

“People who ruin their own lives have a strong tendency to blame other people when things go wrong.” – Dr. Daniel G. Amen

We’ve all likely encountered people like this at some point. These individuals personify the word “victimization,” or the refusal to hold themselves accountable for mistakes or turmoil in their lives. Instead, they’ll intently shift responsibility onto others that don’t deserve blame for their wrongdoings.

Almost always, people that constantly blame others lack any semblance of self-control or self-discipline. However, they’re all too willing to sacrifice someone else to protect their reputation. Should you find yourself in the presence of such a person, hold your ground and refuse to accept blame for their problems.

2 – Toxic types that always complain.

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” – Benjamin Franklin

Being around a toxic person can take its toll after a while. Instead of keeping their grievances to themselves, they would rather verbalize them to anyone within hearing distance. Not to mention, complainers often talk about their problems that no one else can get a word in edgewise.

However, they may not fully understand their supposed problems because they have such a narrow perspective. So, if you find yourself the unfortunate audience for their discomfiting monologue, listen and seek clarification. If they indeed have a valid complaint, you can decide whether to engage in conversation. If, instead, they choose to barrage you with unsubstantiated and irrational banter, it’s in your best interest to walk away.

3 – Toxic folks who invite or initiate gossip.

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.” – Socrates

Gossipers exist in almost every population of society. Most gossipy people feel insecure about themselves and divulge tidbits about others to appease their egos. Sadly, such toxic individuals often thrive off adverse events in others’ lives. They give no mind, empathy, or resistance to offering up (again, often untrue) statements about someone whose life they may negatively affect.

So, avoid gossipers as much as possible since they thrive off your misery. In addition to harming themselves and the victim(s), gossiping can induce a negative mindset in those around them.

4 – Those only interested in self-gain.

“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.” – Rachel Wolchin

People preoccupied with taking advantage of others will manipulate and deceive others. They have no boundaries or limits and will resort to various abusive tactics to satisfy their needs. In addition to possessing a flair for the manipulative, such individuals also have a strong narcissistic streak. Those who display these behaviors can even become aggressive or violent in some cases.

Self-serving individuals will toy with others’ emotions to get their needs met. They do this to instill a sense of guilt and unease if their victim doesn’t comply with their one-sided agenda. Unfortunately, these toxic individuals couldn’t care less about the undue harm their actions cause. Sadly, such people view others as a means to an end – nothing more.

Throughout your interactions with these entitled people, you may realize that they will never return the favors they demand. So, since they never consider others’ needs, you have no reason to get involved with them in the first place. Allow them to carry on their merry way before they have the chance to destroy your self-esteem or get inside your head.

5 – Those that seek attention.

“Everything you do for attention is the reason why you don’t have mine.” – Unknown

Those who desire attention or admiration have huge egos and only feel important when others notice them. They often go to great lengths to ensure that they receive this validation.

This obsession with attention happens as a byproduct of an undeveloped mind in many ways. It’s perfectly normal when children seek attention because they still have developing brains. However, when a grown man or woman insists on being the center of attention, it’s almost assuredly a psychological abnormality.

To properly deal with adults who need constant attention, you need only ignore them. Of course, you can also politely tell them off instead of giving them the cold shoulder. Either way, it’s not your responsibility to coddle a grown adult.

Self-Care Tips When Dealing With Toxic People

If you must deal with toxic people, keep these tips in mind when you encounter them.

1. Remain positive to counter their negativity.

As they say, “kill them with kindness” so they know you’re unaffected by their sour mood. This also boosts your mental health and can help you make better decisions. In fact, a study in Psychological Science found that being in a negative mood affects your ability to rationalize. So, thinking positively provides mental clarity and also enhances the mindset of others around you.

Tell jokes and laugh with colleagues. If you encounter a toxic person in the workplace, you could try to ignore their negativity. Laughing and joking with others can make you forget about the person and enjoy the company of other coworkers. Plus, the toxic person will realize that others won’t tolerate their insufferable mood.
Smile at them. Smiling instantly quells depression, anger, and any other unwanted emotion. So, the next time a toxic person spews their negativity, smile at them as you pass by.
Remember that this encounter won’t last forever. Every person and experience we encounter isn’t permanent; they’re only temporary phenomena in this movie of life. So, try not to take it so seriously.

2. Practice mindfulness.

Being aware of your emotions and staying present will help you deal with toxic people. When you have a calm mind, you can see the situation objectively and avoid a lot of unnecessary emotion. However, humans naturally want to react to problems rather than respond, which gets us into trouble. It takes practice and conscious effort to remain poised under challenging situations, but luckily, anyone can learn mindfulness.

Breathe slowly and deeply. To help you stay present, it’s essential to watch your breath. We unconsciously breathe in a shallow, erratic manner when we’re agitated. Counter this by breathing slowly into your abdomen to release tension. This breathing practice activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping you feel refreshed and relaxed.
Respond, don’t react. Remain neutral in your encounters with toxic people instead of becoming emotionally involved. Keeping a level head around negative individuals prevents you from getting dragged into their messes.
Counter their chaos with peace. Many negative people don’t know how to regulate their emotions. So, they take out their frustration and stress on other unfortunate souls. However, you can help them and yourself by remaining calm regardless of the situation.

3. Offer compassion, but don’t take it upon yourself to “fix” someone else.

Toxic people will try to draw you into their world whenever possible. They often target empathic people since they know these sensitive souls will listen. However, you have to establish clear boundaries with troubled people and realize it’s not your responsibility to fix them.

Listen, but don’t offer additional help. Many of us have enough on our plates already without dealing with others’ problems. Most of the time, people want to feel heard and seen, so you’ve done your part by listening to their story.
Realize you can’t save everyone. We all have to walk our journeys and become the heroes of our own stories. We can offer support and comfort to others, but they ultimately have to figure things out for themselves.

Final Thoughts on Coping With A Toxic Person

Dealing with a toxic person can quickly become overwhelming if you don’t have boundaries—practice self-care by remaining positive, mindful, and compassionately non-attached in your encounters with negative people. Try to limit your exposure to these types of people because they will only drag you down eventually. You can still wish them well and love them from a distance.

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