7 Signs of Low Self-Confidence (and How to Fix It)

January 20, 2023 by Lakeisha Ethans

Building self-confidence is not an easy or simple feat. Although some people appear to be naturally confident, most of us struggle with feeling confident in some aspects of our lives. Whether you lack confidence in your appearance, abilities, success in life, or another facet of yourself, it is essential to recognize when this is happening to build your confidence.

Low confidence can harm our happiness and well-being, one of those being a decrease in self-esteem. Read on to discover the signs of low self-confidence and how you can work on fixing these signs.

7 Signs of Low Self-Confidence (and How to Fix It)

1. Low Self-Confidence Means You Feel Like You Cannot Do The Things You Want To Do

Whether you dream of traveling the world, achieving your dream career, finding a loving relationship, or going back to school, low self-confidence can get in the way of achieving these goals and aspirations. If you frequently underestimate your ability to make your desires come true, that feeling of inadequacy likely stems from issues revolving around confidence.

Sometimes these feelings manifest in ways that make us feel like no matter how hard we try. We will never be good enough. Fortunately, there are some ways to counter these negative thoughts and feelings. One thing that might help is looking into strategies that experts have developed, such as cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a form of retraining our thoughts and replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

For example, if you feel like you should not go on a social outing because you will make things awkward, replace that thought with something along the lines of “I am a valuable and interesting person, and my friends are excited for me to go with them.” The idea is the more we catch these thoughts and correct them, the more our mind will automatically gravitate toward them in the future.

2. You Are Always Worried About What Other People Think Of You

We can’t please everyone. It is implausible that you will go through life and not meet at least one person who does not get along with you. Therefore, it is harmful to place our worth on what other people think of us. A sign of low confidence is if you care more about what outside people think of you than what you think and know of yourself. This can lead to other problems, such as anxiety and the need to change yourself to suit different people’s expectations.

The best way to mitigate these emotions is to remind yourself of what you love about yourself. Of course, it does not hurt to listen to outside advice when necessary, but it should not be the main component of your identity. Another helpful skill is to imagine that you are a close friend instead of yourself. Would you think poorly of your friend the way you think poorly of yourself? Sometimes this can put it in perspective that other people are not always judging you.

3. Low Confidence MeansYou Frequently Experience Negative Thinking, Anxiety, Self-Blame, And Depression

One of the tell-tale signs of low self-confidence is experiencing negative, anxious, or depressive thoughts related to your self-worth. Often these mental health challenges make it difficult to cultivate a healthy amount of confidence. But, simultaneously, one of these things usually leads to the other.

Most people who have anxiety have issues with self-confidence and vice-versa. Experts note that this is especially poignant in those with social anxiety, as it can be challenging to socialize when you lack confidence. In addition, if you struggle to see what you bring to the table, it can indicate that you do not value yourself the way you should.

There are many ways to cope with these mental illnesses. Whether it is trying meditation or mindfulness, seeing a healthcare professional, talking through it with a loved one, or researching more about it to see if you might be experiencing the symptoms, taking the first step in addressing these issues may help your overall sense of confidence.

4. Low Self-Confidence Means You Use Your Smartphone Frequently In Social Situations

Carrying a smartphone with us wherever we go is the perfect excuse to check out of reality for a little bit. However, if you are reluctant to leave the house without your phone or find that you frequently use it in social settings, that can indicate low self-confidence. Studies show that people with increased cell phone usage are likelier to experience low self-esteem.

This is vital to note because low self-confidence leads to higher phone usage, which often results in low self-confidence. This idea expands beyond using your phone in social situations as well. Spending excessive time on our phones, particularly on social media, can give us feelings of inadequacy and cause us to compare ourselves to others more frequently.

The simplest solution to this issue is to minimize your screen time. If you are meeting up with friends, try putting your phone at the bottom of your bag or shutting it off once you arrive at your destination. This is a tiny step in building your self-confidence, but it can help you realize that people enjoy your company with or without a screen between the two of you. They probably feel even closer to you without the phone between you!

5. Low Self-Confidence You Do Not Have High Expectations Or Hopes For The Future

It is common for people with low self-confidence to feel stuck. This is because they don’t believe they have the strength, smarts, or skills to make it far. Even confident people have trouble persevering through challenges. Low confidence can make it so that you do not even attempt to chase your goals in the first place. Think about where you see yourself in ten years.

Is it with a successful job? Will you be living a life that makes you happy? If you answered “no” or “I doubt it” to any of these questions, it is essential to ask yourself why you don’t believe in yourself and your capabilities. How do we raise our expectations for the future when we have difficulty believing in ourselves? One easy change is to implement positive affirmations in your thought patterns. Then, when you doubt yourself, try challenging that thought.

Remind yourself daily why you are proud of yourself and how far you have come. Think about your accomplishments and all the people who care about you. Positive affirmations are messages of kindness and positivity we give ourselves. For example, if your thought is, “I have been unemployed for two months I will never be successful,” try changing that thought to something like, “This period of unemployment has given me a chance to catch my breath and realize that I am motivated to find a job that I enjoy soon.”

6. Low Confidence Means You Get Upset When You Receive Constructive Criticism

It is normal for criticism to be challenging to digest, but hearing a piece of well-intentioned constructive criticism ruins your day and makes you question your self-worth, which is a big sign of low self-confidence. But on the other hand, constructive criticism is an important way for us to know the areas we can improve our work, creativity, and habits as individuals.

Typically, it is crucial to consider delivery when providing criticism because there is a line where it is not constructive and rather destructive. But people with low confidence often react similarly to any form of criticism. For example, let’s say your boss politely lets you know that your work performance might be better if you implement a certain skill set more often.

If you have low confidence, you might take this criticism as an attack on your abilities at work. You might have thoughts that your boss does not think you are hard-working or that your typical work style is not good enough. In reality, you are probably doing a great job, and they only suggested a small way to improve.

One way to overcome this problem is to remind yourself that this is an opportunity to improve in areas where you lack confidence. Try to pause for a moment and think of the person’s intentions when they are telling you things you can improve on. Most of the time, there is nothing wrong with your abilities or who you are. They are simply letting you know something you can implement to do even more amazing things than you already do.

7. Low Self-Confidence Means You Have A Difficult Time Accepting Compliments

For most people, receiving compliments is a great feeling. However, someone with low self-confidence might be unsure how to react when they receive praise. They might not know how to accept the compliment or, in some cases, outright deny it. This can create an awkward situation for you and the person trying to compliment you. It can reveal that you do not feel worthy of compliments and have difficulty believing that the other person is genuine.

The best thing to fix this issue is to start accepting compliments. Force yourself to say “thank you” when someone compliments you. Not only does this make that person happy they praise you, but if you accept it, that can help build your self-confidence. For example, if someone compliments your outfit and you take their compliment to heart, it can help you feel good about your style choices and confident in choosing different outfits that speak to you.

Final Thoughts On Some Signs Of Low Self-Confidence And How To Fix It

Now you know just a few signs you might have low self-confidence and how to begin fixing it! There are a lot of ways to feel better about yourself. Continuing to work on your self-confidence as part of your daily routine can be a fantastic way to feel better about yourself, be more outgoing, and pursue what you want most. Don’t let low self-confidence stop you from reaching your goals and aspirations.

6 Signs Your Heart Is Ready For Love

January 20, 2023 by Kristen Lawrence

Are you ready to invite love back into your life? After a devastating breakup, it takes time to heal your heart and process painful emotions. Some people feel ready to return to the dating game after a few months, but others need more time. No matter how long you need to get over your former flame, it’s important to grieve the relationship at your own pace.

You should only feel inclined to seek a new relationship when ready. You can still find fulfillment in other ways, such as through friends, family, a career, and hobbies. It’s best not to search for love but let it find you when the time is right. The best relationships begin when two people meet unexpectedly and form a friendship.

With that said, once you have moved on from your ex and have rediscovered yourself, you might feel open to love again. If this sounds like your situation, read on to find out if you’re truly ready for a new flame.

6 Signs It’s Time To Welcome Love Into Your Life

1. You have a healthy relationship with yourself.

You might wonder what self-love and how you see yourself have to do with a romantic relationship. But your self-image influences your love life more than you’d think. For instance, if you have a negative outlook on yourself, it will reflect on your relationships. Life acts as a mirror, so whatever we think about the most becomes a reality, which includes our relationships with others.

If you have learned to love and extend compassion to yourself, you’re probably ready to invite love into your heart.

2. You know what you’re looking for in a new love.

Before you begin dating again, it’s essential to have some idea about what you want in a relationship. If you’re ready for a new flame, you probably have reflected on what went wrong in your past romances. By doing some soul-searching and introspection, you can understand what caused you and your ex to part ways. And you can take this knowledge and emotional intelligence into your next relationship should any issues arise.

Knowing what you want and don’t want in a new partner can easily weed out anyone who doesn’t fit your criteria. Most people have a solid idea about what they’re looking for in a partner, especially with failed relationships as a comparison. If you know what personality traits to avoid, you’ll have more success when you feel ready to date again.

3. You’re ready for love when the past no longer bothers you.

If you’re still hung up on your ex, that’s a surefire sign you need more time to grieve and heal. Remember, getting into a new relationship when you’re still hurting will only end in heartbreak and disappointment. It’s best to treat yourself with compassion and only look for loving relationships when you’re ready.

However, if you don’t have any baggage from past relationships and have moved on, a new partner can add value to your life. Studies show that women who have supportive relationships after a painful breakup reported greater life satisfaction. If you’ve allowed yourself sufficient time to mend wounds from the past, love might be in the cards for you.

4. You’re not looking for someone to complete or save you.

Many people feel that a loving, supportive partner will take all their problems away and complete them. Unfortunately, the reality isn’t a fairytale like the movies would have us believe. In real life, relationships require sacrifice, effort, and commitment from two mature people to survive. Healthy relationships can provide comfort and happiness, but toxic partnerships can have the opposite effect.

Therefore, going into a relationship with the idea that it will remedy your problems isn’t wise. However, if you already lead a rewarding life and want a partner as a bonus, that’s a good sign you’re ready for love again. Relationships always feel more satisfying when you don’t have unrealistic expectations, anyway.

5. You have the energy and time for a new love.

Believe it or not, many people today aren’t interested in dating or marriage. They have other priorities, such as their careers, families, friends, traveling, and other obligations. Many don’t have the extra energy or time to commit themselves to a partner, but they don’t feel deprived. They have a different outlooks on love and don’t need a long-term relationship to feel complete.

However, if you desire a serious relationship, you should ensure you have the emotional and mental energy for a partner. Relationships take tons of work, especially after the honeymoon phase wears off and reality takes over. If you feel ready to both give and receive love, it’s time to dip your feet back into the dating pool.

6. You have a strong identity and won’t compromise core values.

That doesn’t mean you won’t compromise about minor things, such as where to go on a date. However, sacrificing your personal beliefs and values for someone else should set off alarm bells. If you want a healthy relationship, you should have a solid sense of self beforehand. Otherwise, the relationship might become codependent or one-sided, which will end up hurting both you and your partner.

Most people want a relationship with someone who shares their general outlook on life. You’re ready for a new relationship if you know your core values and won’t allow someone else to influence them.

Final Thoughts on Signs You’re Ready For A New Love Relationship

Do you feel ready to open yourself to love and romance? It can seem scary and intimidating to jump back into dating at first, especially after a divorce or painful breakup. However, the signs above can help you realize if you’re ready to welcome a new partner into your life. Generally, you’ll know if you feel comfortable dating based on your gut instincts. If the idea of love makes you excited rather than scared or nervous, it’s a sign that you’re ready for that special someone.

6 Emotional Wounds Men Carry Into Relationships When They’re Unloved as Children

January 20, 2023 by Lakeisha Ethans

Whether we like it or not, what happens to our emotional wounds in our childhood does not disappear when we enter adulthood. Childhood trauma and neglect can impact our well-being and interpersonal relationships. Sometimes these lasting effects can explain our present behavior, emotional health, and inner struggles. It is easy for childhood troubles to seep into our everyday lives when we do not realize that is what is happening. This can have an incredibly harmful impact on our romantic relationships.

When a child does not receive enough love growing up, that can affect how they experience love in their adult years. Two major ways this occurs is in seeking out the love they never got to experience or shying away from love because the feeling of not deserving of love has never been healed. Read on to learn more about the six emotional wounds men carry into relationships when they’re unloved as children and how to begin healing your inner child.

NOTE: Because women display different behaviors than men, we address the emotional wounds carried by women in a separate article.

6 Emotional Wounds Men Carry Into Relationships When They’re Unloved as Children

1. Attachment Issues Come From Emotional Wounds

Attachment is one of the most prevalent issues that can spawn from lacking the love you needed as a child. There are many different kinds of attachment issues that one might experience in their relationships. Some common forms connected to childhood neglect are avoidant attachment and anxious attachment.

Avoidant attachment occurs when you have trouble letting people close to you, being intimate and vulnerable. This can make it hard to develop deep and meaningful romantic connections. Anxious attachment is almost the opposite of this. People who deal with anxious attachments are usually clingy and have low self-confidence. Both of these styles of attachment can be significantly harmful to any romantic relationship.

One study found that individuals with abusive and neglectful parents often developed anxious attachments, and individuals with parents who were not supportive often developed avoidant attachments. Both styles of attachment can put a strain on your relationship. Space is healthy in any relationship, whether romantic or platonic. But people with attachment issues feel great distress when separated from the one they love.

One of the most important things you can do if you have these problems is to date women with more stable attachment styles. From there, you should begin to work on yourself and get to the bottom of these issues. There are plenty of ways to heal attachment issues, and this is made even easier when you have a loving, supportive partner by your side.

2. Anger And Aggression Problems

Research illustrates a clear link between childhood trauma and aggressive behavior into adulthood. Emotional wounds from childhood can have detrimental effects on adult romantic relationships, and extreme cases, lead to abusive and toxic situations. Often, when we are not given enough love as children, it is more difficult to find healthy outlets for expressing emotions than for the average person.

People who deal with anger and aggression problems can be scary to be around. They might be a wonderful, good person most of the time, but when these problems come out, they can be damaging and even frightening. Therefore, it is essential to remind yourself that these issues do not make you a bad person if you intend to heal from them.

Don’t lose hope if you struggle to manage your anger or lash out at loved ones. There are plenty of things you can do to curb this behavior. Some options include going to therapy, learning breathing exercises, developing a meditation practice, incorporating physical exercise in your routine, and finding healthy hobbies that serve as an outlet for your emotions.

Not only will this make your relationships healthier and happier, but it will likely make you feel much better. Wounds from childhood are often something we do not realize we are living with. So when we embark on the healing journey, it is like a weight being lifted from our shoulders.

3. Struggles With Emotional Intelligence

Not being nurtured and loved as a child can negatively affect emotional intelligence as an adult. Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand your emotions and the emotions of those around you, express, control, and interpret emotions in particular situations. Of course, everyone has a different level of emotional intelligence. Still, those who were not taught stable and loving emotions by their parental figures may struggle more to grasp these essential aspects of emotion.

Experts reveal that when a child is not raised in a loving and supportive environment, they are likely to have more struggles with articulating and understanding emotions. This may be accompanied by feelings of inadequacy, lack of trust in your thoughts and strengths, low self-confidence and self-esteem, and inability to communicate emotions. This is harmful to romantic relationships for many reasons. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is emotional connection. Low emotional intelligence can make you and your partner distant, unloved, and misunderstood.

Luckily, there are many ways to develop a higher emotional intelligence. Simply paying attention to your feelings and tuning into them is a great and simple place to start. From there, try having conversations with others about your feelings. If you want more guidance navigating your emotional intelligence, there is no shame in reaching out to a professional for suggestions.

4. Trust Issues

Another common symptom men experience due to being unloved as children is trust issues. Trust is an integral part of any relationship. Men who suffered from neglectful or unsupportive parenting may have difficulty opening up to potential partners and trusting them. There are some levels to this. It can be as minute as not trusting your partner with your most embarrassing moment or knowing the code to get into your phone.

Or it can be as extreme as not trusting your partner to stay faithful to you and not trusting them to share important parts of your life. This can lead to anxiety, distance, and paranoia clouding your relationship. If you are hoping to have a long-lasting relationship, trust issues can make this difficult. Comfort and security are essential aspects of any relationship, and when you do not fully trust your partner, it can prevent these feelings from developing.

Trust is something that needs to be built in any new relationship. One piece of advice to overcome trust issues is slowly building trust between your partner and yourself. Start small by sharing a secret or something you keep hidden about yourself. If they are a supportive partner, they will likely be kind and pleased that you opened up to them.

It can feel scary to start trusting your partner because when you choose to trust someone, there is always some risk involved. However, building a solid and trusting relationship becomes easier once you start trusting your partner. Eventually, you will be surprised by how great it feels to be your authentic self in romantic relationships.

5. Low Self-Esteem

Clear connections exist between people lacking love as children and people with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is not only harmful to individual mental health, but it can manifest in unhealthy ways in romantic relationships as well. Often these kinds of self-esteem issues come from feeling undervalued and unheard in childhood.

You might have the most supportive and loving partner in the world and still feel like you are not worthy of them or happiness. Low self-esteem can display in several ways. Perhaps you feel bad about how you look, your position in life, or how others perceive you. Low self-esteem might look like a steady stream of negative thinking in a romantic relationship. You might believe you are undeserving of your partner’s love, you are an inadequate romantic partner, or your person does not enjoy spending time with you.

Most of the time, these thoughts are not based on reality but on negative experiences we have endured in our past and childhood. If you are struggling with self-esteem, research ways to uplift your confidence. This may include positive affirmations, implementing an exercise regime, counseling, or focusing on the aspects of yourself that you love.

6. Anxiety And Excessive Fears Come From Emotional Wounds

Every human experiences a certain level of anxiety. However, experts say that the anxiety experienced by men unloved as children is likely higher than the average person. Feeling a lack of love in childhood can lead to the development of clinical anxiety disorders. Fear and anxiety wreak havoc on the everyday lives of those who experience them. But it also severely impacts relationship behavior and success.

Some common symptoms of anxiety experienced by men unloved as children include fear of failure, abandonment, difficulty making decisions, gravitation towards co-dependent relationships, social anxiety, and chronic stress. When you experience anxiety regularly or have an anxiety disorder, this puts strain on romantic relationships. Anxiety can make you dependent on your significant other for comfort and reassurance.

Although it is great to receive comfort from your lover, depending on their constant presence and help can be burdensome. In addition, developing a reliance on others can make the anxieties worse. No matter how close you are to your partner, there are some things in life that you will have to do without them. To get help with anxiety and excessive fears, the best thing to do is see a professional.

Feelings of anxiety exist on a large spectrum. While some people have elevated anxiety from the average person, they might not necessarily have an anxiety disorder. In addition, there are many different kinds of anxiety disorders, so it is helpful to get a professional opinion to figure out what works best for you.

Final Thoughts On Emotional Wounds Men Carry Into Relationships When They’re Unloved As Children

Love is something that parents must offer to every child in abundance. But unfortunately, not every child receives the love and care they need. This can lead to many problems later in life, especially if you lock away feelings instead of addressing and working through them.

And these issues undoubtedly cause us to bring baggage into our romantic relationships. Now that you know the six emotional wounds carried into relationships that stem from childhood, you have the knowledge to move forward, identify these problems, and heal your inner child.

12 Signs of Chronic Gaslighting to Never Ignore

January 20, 2023 by Chris Butler

Psychological abuse comes in many forms. Gaslighting describes a type of manipulating someone. Generally, it happens when one partner makes the other feel delusional. Anything a friend or lover does that makes you question your perception of reality falls into this category.

Sadly, many people don’t realize they’re being abused until years after suffering emotional damage. You often hear of people carrying baggage from their past. When you’ve been a victim of gaslighting, the past can haunt your present and future.

Twelve Common Signs of Chronic Gaslighting

Ironically, gaslighting in a romantic relationship is much more commonplace than you might imagine. Manipulators want to change your memories, sanity, or judgment, and there are some alarming signs to consider. One of the main issues with gaslighting is that it can become chronic, explains Dr. Michelle Riba, who collaborates with The University of Michigan’s Psychiatry Department.

She further states that going through these intense manipulations can cause depression and anxiety, along with other mental health concerns. Since mistreatment can take many forms, here are the most common indicators that you’re experiencing gaslighting.

1. Gaslighting Often Means Criticizing and Undermining

Toxic manipulators want to undermine you to destroy your confidence. Your children are a big part of your identity and passion in life. Narcissists want you to feel you’re failing at parenting so that they will cut you down with verbal tirades. They will destroy your self-esteem and make you think you’re failing at the most important thing.

2. Manipulating Includes Reputation Discrediting

The manipulator wants to make themselves look like a creditable source so that they will demean you. Gaslighting commonly involves tactics where you tell lies and spread gossip about the person so that it shows you as emotionally unstable.

If manipulating you means they must make it appear that you’ve lost your mind, they won’t think twice about it. Once they spread lies about you, they will tell you that others say you’re crazy, a liar, or unbalanced. They want to isolate you so that you have no one to trust but them.

3. Using Bias

Manipulating through radical gaslighting is another form of emotional abuse commonly used. The toxic person will seek out anything about you that stands out from the crowd and makes you different. They might use your race, gender, nationality, religion, or age group to carry out their manipulations.

It’s not uncommon to see these actions in professional relationships too. For instance, if a man is uncomfortable with a female boss, he might try to undermine her to other employees to make her look irrational or delusional because of her gender.

4. Persistent Lying Is a Sneaky Way of Manipulating Others

You can’t believe a word that comes out of the mouth of manipulators, as they are habitual liars. They can look you right in the eye and tell a story you would never question. The problem is that their deceptions are a part of the foundation they’re using for the continued abuse.

You might believe they’re being dishonest, but they will turn it around and somehow find a way to convince you otherwise. Additionally, you may start second-guessing your gut instincts and judgment as they can tell you anything, and you believe them.

5. Alienation Underlies Gaslighting

Remember that the primary goal of manipulators is to get you by yourself where they can help you see things their way. Manipulating you means taking you away from the people you love. They want to remove any outside influence from your life, as these folks will likely see through their scheme.

Manipulators get upset when you go out with family or friends. They fear moments when you’re out of their control because someone might become wise to their unhealthy ways. The more people in your life, the probability of trouble increases.

So, to avoid having their tactics called into question, they become very jealous and want to alienate you from the outside world.

6. Questioning Memories

Manipulating you so that you question your memories is a common tactic. The scheme makes you doubt your recollection, as they will tell you that you’ve recently been tired, confused, or forgotten a lot.

Anytime you question their actions or words, they will counter to dismiss your claims. Of all the manipulation techniques used, this one is the most convincing.

7. Constant Denial and Gaslighting Go Together

Psychological manipulators are infamous for denying their insensitive actions. These toxic people always have a rebuttal for everything. They are like football players because they become offensive when you get defensive. They pretend they forget a lot, as it helps to further their scheme.

The goal is for you to question events, circumstances, or other memories. They want you to see things through their skewed lens, so the more they can make you question your reality, the better. When you suffer from long-term invalidation, you will find that your baggage from this relationship becomes a cumbersome burden.

Thus, moving on without them, or finding someone new, becomes challenging. Trust issues are commonplace, and it puts a bitter taste in your mouth regarding future relationships.

8. Love/Hate Relationship Tactics

Toxic manipulations can be all over the board. For instance, one day, you’re being put down and told that you’re worthless, but the next day you’re being showered with praise. It’s a constant emotional roller coaster because you never know what will happen from one day to the next.

Gaslighting is a scheme, so if the manipulator feels they’re coming on too strong and you might leave, they will pull back. Additionally, a person who alternates back and forth between tearing you down and building you up is shaking your mental stability.

Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking they’re genuine when complimenting you, as there’s another motive.

9. Disregarding Emotions

You’ve had a bad day at work. Everything that could go wrong did, and now you’re at home sobbing. Rather than being a supportive partner, your spouse laughs and calls you a crybaby. They state that you can’t handle the pressure because you’re weak.

They tell you you’re too sensitive and overreacting to the situation. Manipulators want to trivialize your emotions as it gives them a feeling of power. Not only are they ignoring your feelings, but they’re accusing you of blowing things out of proportion.

In a healthy relationship, your partner would listen to you, let you cry on their shoulder, and sympathize with your bad day. However, when you’re dealing with a toxic person who loves manipulating you, they want to make you doubt your sanity. When they’re done with their verbal tirade, you will doubt yourself.

10. Playing Mind Games and Manipulating are The Same Thing

Toxic manipulations can include many games, and the silent treatment is often used. These series of tricks are to gain control. They might withhold affection from you or give you the cold shoulder.

In an intimate relationship, it’s easy to make the person feel insecure or insufficient when they’re not hugged or kissed anymore. While gaslighting is most discussed in romantic relationships, it can also occur in the workplace.

11. Gaslighting Means Blame Shifting

Some people refuse to take the blame for anything. Even if they’re caught red-handed doing something, they will still find a way to turn it around on someone else. If you grew up with siblings, you probably used this tactic a time or two in manipulating your way out of trouble.

For instance, your parents were upset because the bedroom was a mess. Rather than take the blame, you implicated your sibling in the disaster. Though that’s a benign example, it illustrates how easily this can happen.

It becomes a chronic headache when dealing with these manipulations because this person will never take responsibility. Narcissistic deflection often uses finger-pointing to keep the heat off them.

12. Twisting Reality

Toxic narcissists are good at twisting or manipulating the story to make it fit. When you confront these people about something they said or did, they will make you believe that your memory is failing. They may also blame someone else, saying you were wrongly informed.

A typical scenario would be that your partner pushed you down, and you hit your head during an argument. They won’t see things your way when you want to talk about the incident. They might see you as tripping over something or falling on your own. What makes these folks more believable is that they can look you right in the eye and lie without flinching, as they’ve become masters at manipulations.

Final Thoughts on How to Identify Chronic Gaslighting

There are many social dynamics of gaslighting, and the University of Michigan is conducting a study devoted to understanding this psychological phenomenon. It’s sometimes called “crazy-making” because one person tries to convince and doubt the other person’s sanity by using manipulations. If you notice any of the signs of this abuse, get out and get help!

Why to Never Tell Someone Who’s Depressed to Have a Good Day

January 19, 2023 by Lakeisha Ethans

Telling someone with depression to have a good day is so customary that you’re never going to think twice before saying it. It’s so natural that it has become a reflex for most people. You say it and go about your day without giving the interaction a second thought. That said, you might be surprised to hear that you should never wish someone depressed a good day.

But it’s not just this expression that can sometimes be a problem. It’s the fact that some people believe that if someone wants to have a good day, they can do so, which is not even close to how life works for many people.

Depression is one of the most common mental health issues. Millions of people around the world struggle with it. And, what’s worse, many people don’t ever get diagnosed. This happens for many reasons, one of which is people’s calm, even judgmental, attitude toward mental health issues. A few decades ago, people believed that mental health issues were non-issues.

They thought that people claiming to be struggling mentally were seeking attention. But, of course, as we now know, mental health issues are serious problems. But most young and even middle-aged people have been raised by parents who didn’t believe in things like therapy. And some of these parents even bad-mouthed things like depression.

Many people grew up in an environment that shamed those struggling with mental health issues. And older adults are even more likely to hold on to these unfounded beliefs than younger people. The outcome of this apprehension towards getting any psychological help means that many people don’t even get diagnosed, much less go to therapy. So, people wish others a good day without knowing the damage this simple phrase can do.

What Is Depression?

Because of how society approaches mental health, most people don’t even know what depression is. They don’t understand how paralyzing it feels and how much it can affect someone’s ability to go about their day. Some people believe depression isn’t a thing and mischaracterize it as self-pity. But, of course, that’s not even close to the truth.

Depression is a very real and serious issue. And it’s not just when you feel a little sadder than usual. Sure, depression causes sadness, but that’s just part of it. The psychological terminology for what’s colloquially known as depression is clinical depression or major depressive disorder. This is a mood disorder that affects the way people feel, think, and even to handle daily activities.

To be diagnosed with clinical depression, the symptoms must persist for more than two weeks. There are more types of depression than just this one, such as seasonal affective disorder. This type is triggered by the changing seasons, typically starting in the fall. It usually goes away around springtime. But most people struggle with clinical depression.

Symptoms of Depression

This disorder has many symptoms, ranging from mild to severe. Depressed people have persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or even emptiness. They can feel hopeless and tend to be more on the pessimistic side. Lack of energy and feelings of fatigue are also common. Plus, many depressed people lose interest in hobbies or activities that used to bring them joy. Some of the worst psychological symptoms are feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

Given that depression leaves people unmotivated to the point where they can’t find a reason to get out of bed, this isn’t surprising. Feeling helpless only adds up to the guilt depressed people experience. But often, there isn’t even a reason for them to feel guilty.

They also struggle with making decisions and even remembering things. But some symptoms are even physical, such as aches, headaches, or cramps that have no clear cause and don’t go away with treatment. And the worst symptoms are suicidal thoughts or even suicide attempts.

Causes of Depression

The causes of depression range from genetic to environmental. For example, a history of depression in your family can increase your chances of developing depression significantly. Some environmental causes are instances of abuse. If you were raised in an abusive family or even if friends or a partner mistreated you, that increases the chances of you developing depression.

Stressful events and traumatic experiences, such as severe accidents, can also be risk factors. Even your personality can put you at risk. For example, introversion makes you more likely to suffer from loneliness, which can lead to depression. Alcohol and drug consumption, especially when there’s an addiction involved, can also be a cause. Some illnesses, such as cancer, also lead to depression.

Luckily, this disorder can be treated through medication and therapy. Still, there needs to be a desire on the part of the struggling person to get better, as shoving medication down your throat won’t do the trick. To ensure you won’t spiral into another depressive episode, you must practice self-care and self-compassion. And it always helps when the people around you are supportive and treat you kindly.

Why Never Tell Someone Who’s Depressed to Have a Good Day

1. It Makes the Depressed Person Feel Guilty

When someone depressed is told to have a good day, that will impact them in a way you might not even realize. If someone’s having a horrible day, these words will only make them feel ungrateful and guilty. You might not be aware of their struggles, but that doesn’t mean they will think about that. Logically, you meant no harm.

But depression doesn’t follow logical patterns. When someone can’t fulfill something that’s such a simple task for most people, they will feel like there’s something wrong with them. They’ll wonder, if everyone can go about their lives and have fun, why can’t they do the same thing? Of course, there’s nothing easy about being happy when you’re battling depression.

But the message will unavoidably come across wrong. It’s not so much about the phrase as it is about the feeling it evokes. It’s a reminder that they are struggling with something that doesn’t allow them to be happy. And that there’s nothing they can do to change their mood instantly.

This feeling of helplessness gets to them quickly and makes them feel like it’s their fault for feeling sad. Instead, if you know someone is depressed, you should approach them with more care and kindness. Ask them if they need anything, and let them know you’re there.

2. It’s Careless of the Feelings of the Depressed Person

Even though there’s usually no ill intention behind wishing someone a good day, it doesn’t always come across that way. Even if you don’t want to provoke pain, you’ll do that. For someone struggling, it’ll seem like you’re too focused on pleasantries to notice something eating them up inside.

Even if it doesn’t affect them, you should still aim to be more careful around people. You never know what’s going on in someone’s life, and it’s much nicer to ask someone about their day than to assume that things are going swimmingly.

Even if you don’t know someone, it’s much kinder to take a few moments to ask them how they are doing and if they are holding up well. Of course, a mere stranger will almost always tell you they are fine, even if they aren’t. But just the fact that you asked means so much more to them than you could ever imagine.

When you’re talking to someone you know, especially if you know they are depressed, it’s even more important to be careful with your words. So, instead of wishing someone a good day, telling them goodbye is always safer. Especially since asking them about their day and letting them talk is much more important than how you greet them.

3. It Takes Your Focus Off the Issue

This is only true when you are addressing someone you know. For example, when you talk to a depressed person, you might be tempted to be cheery and light. But that’s not even close to what they need from you. More importantly, you can’t ever know what a depressed person needs from you.

And it won’t do you much good to assume. The best way to help someone is by asking them what they need. Even though this might seem farfetched, when trying to be light and cheery, you’re avoiding the serious subjects. By avoiding the darker topics, you’re ignoring the issues at hand. And this only makes you feel better when you haven’t done your part to help. But, of course, that doesn’t mean you are doing it intentionally.

But subconsciously, when you wish someone a good day, you feel like you did your duty. Then, you can go on with your life without giving the interaction a second thought. But you shouldn’t feel content with just throwing around niceties. If you care about someone, you should offer your full support. This means that sometimes, you must ask some questions and assure others you are there for them.

Final Thoughts on Why to Never Tell Someone Who’s Depressed to Have a Good Day

Don’t take this too literally, and stop wishing people a lovely day altogether. It’s still an excellent way to say goodbye to someone without being so cold and straightforward. It shows that you care enough to want the other person to have an enjoyable rest of the day.

But you must be careful and aware of who you’re talking to. If you’re telling this to a depressed person, the outcome might be questionable. Depressed people constantly struggle to be happy and excited about their day. So, when you wish them a good day, you might trigger some of their fears. Even if you don’t mean to, you could make them feel guilty and out of place.

Plus, it’s careless, especially if you’re unsure how the other person will react to this greeting. If you want to help them, offer your support and listen. Don’t just use nice words to make you feel like you’ve done your duty. It’s better to keep your goodbye neutral and focus on being kind to them as they need you to be.

4 Ways to Attract Love In Life

January 19, 2023 by Lakeisha Ethans

Since the dawn of humanity, love has been the one thing people constantly yearn for. Sure, today’s society is much different from how the world used to be, even a couple of decades ago. Nowadays, one of the most important factors for a positive life for many people is building a stable career. If you look back a few decades ago, virtually no one skipped out on getting married to have a career.

That wasn’t necessarily a good example of love, as most people would get married because they had to. Arranged marriages used to be a big part of how society worked. But this is not the case anymore. Today’s standard of living is the best it’s ever been.

And people can be more connected than ever before, even if it’s with people who live on the other side of the world. So, it should be a given that most people age happily in love, right? The truth is that more people struggle with loneliness than ever before. Sure, maybe in the past, people had to deal with arranged marriages, which is no way to live your life. But at least they were surrounded by people and had someone by their side when things got hard.

Nowadays, most people don’t even have that. And the connections people manage to have online are usually superficial. People focus on building their careers and being independent, but most struggle with forming genuine connections. Some might even say that the world is fighting an epidemic of loneliness. So, what can you do to stay positive enough to find love if it’s so hard to meet new people and even hold on to old relationships?

4 Ways to Attract Love In Life (and Become Happier and More Positive)

1. Learn to Accept and Value Your Traits

Many people struggle in their romantic life because they base their worth on how their partner sees them. Instead of being with someone they genuinely care about, they make the mistake of being with someone because they feel valued in a relationship. That being said, you should be valued by your partner. So don’t think it’s wrong to look for someone who sees you and finds you the most amazing person in the world.

But you shouldn’t be with someone just because you need a boost of confidence. If you’re the type who jumps into a relationship to feel worthy, you won’t get the love you’re looking for. And if you don’t have a good opinion of yourself, it’ll even be hard to give your partner the love they deserve. You might care about them, but that will likely become a dependency or obsession.

If you struggle with accepting yourself, you shouldn’t enter relationships. You should work on yourself and take a break from dating. Focus on self-care and strengthening the platonic relationships you have in your life. Start being active and eating healthier. Living a healthier life will quickly help you be happier and accept yourself.

Even though loneliness is not desirable, independence is. When you aren’t in a relationship, you can focus solely on finding who you are and what you want to do in your life. You’ll start to value yourself, and you won’t need that approval from a partner to feel appropriate. When you finally start feeling at peace with yourself, you can go back out there and look for romance. And love will follow shortly after.

2. Be More Positive

Positivity is key to living a good life. But it’s also a helpful tool for finding love. This is because positivity gives you the courage to experience new things and meet new people. A pessimist will not give a relationship a chance because they will be convinced all relationships will eventually end. Or they believe that love only brings sorrow and pain. Not to mention that pessimistic people will not give someone a chance unless that person has seemingly no flaws.

They have stringent requirements to meet before accepting to date that person. This is because they try to shelter their hearts by minimizing the risk of incompatibility. Love doesn’t follow any rules or formulas. Sure, it’s good to know what you want from a relationship. But there is always a risk of things going south. And that’s the risk you have to take if you want to find love.

Not only will positivity allow you to have new experiences, but positive people will always attract others. They have an aura that is welcoming and intriguing, so people will want to talk to you if you exude positivity. On the other hand, negative people tend to be more closed off, making it a bit hard for others to get to know them. But how can you be more positive when life is already so full of hurdles, and it gives you all the reasons not to be?

Well, you need to start living in the present and practicing gratitude. It can even help to have a journal in which to write all things you are grateful for in a day, even if they are just small things. Maybe you got a great coffee today. Even that’s something to be thankful for. If you keep such a journal and try to find a few things to be grateful for daily, it’ll be easier for you to be positive. And, as a bonus, you will attract love.

3. Use the Law of Attraction

The law of attraction is based on manifestation. You’ve probably heard this term but in entirely different circumstances. No, this isn’t the same law of attraction you learned in school. It’s something else based on spirituality. There isn’t much research on this topic, so its accuracy and benefits haven’t yet been determined. Some people even believe that manifestation is just some bogus practice invented by people who don’t want to face reality.

But that’s not the case. Manifesting isn’t as simple as visualizing something and waiting for it to be delivered to your doorstep. If you visualize that you’ll get a perfect score on a test but don’t study for that test, you won’t ace it. But if you take the realistic approach, manifestation and the law of attraction can help you find love. Manifestation is just a visualization exercise.

If you use it to find love, you will need to visualize your desired partner. Imagine how they would look, act, and even how they would smell. It allows you to create the perfect partner in your head, and you can use that image when searching for the best match in the real world. Some people even suggest that meditation is a great way to open up your senses to manifest the partner you truly want.

Again, this won’t mean that a supermodel will fall from the sky and onto your doorstep. But it means that you will know what you want. And this exercise also gives you the confidence to go out and get the person you truly want. You might be too scared to start a conversation with someone cute from the bar without manifesting.

But, when you’ve been manifesting a person for a while and see someone who fits that description, you’ll have more confidence to walk up to them. And that might be the beginning of a great love story.

4. Put Yourself Out There

If you are looking for a new relationship, you must meet new people and go on a few dates. Chances are, you won’t already have someone who fits you best. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who met your soulmate when you were five. And now you are both adults, and you can be together in a serious relationship. But most people don’t have this kind of luxury.

So, for those who don’t have the luxury of having their soulmate already in their life, you need to start dating. If you don’t try to meet new people, you will never find the one who is truly perfect for you. And that means that your love life will be on standby for an indefinite period. If you feel ready for a new romantic adventure, you can’t just wait around and hope to bump into the perfect partner.

Life is not a romantic comedy; not many people will meet their soulmates in the grocery store. Even though the dating scene can be awful, you might need to dabble. Even though you will meet a ton of duds, at least you can meet people who also want to date. So at least you have this in common. But, if you genuinely dislike dating, you should at least try to go out more and meet new people.

Maybe pick up a new hobby that requires you to take some classes. That’s a great environment to meet people with similar interests to you. Or go out to pubs or clubs more. That way, you can have fun while meeting new people who can be potential love interests.

Final Thoughts on Some Ways to Attract Love In Life

Love is something that everyone wants to have. But it’s not enough to wait and hope to stumble upon it. You need to search for it and learn how to attract it. That’s the only way you’ll have the loving relationship you want and deserve. Waiting around will make you feel that much lonelier and won’t help you attract true love.

Before going out into the world and looking for the one, you must learn to accept and love yourself. A confident and positive person will attract partners who will genuinely love them. It also helps to manifest and visualize the kind of relationship you want so that you know what you are looking for. And, when all that’s said and done, you can be positive about yourself, get out there, and start looking for the one you’re meant to be with.

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