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5 Ways To Argue With Your Partner The Right Way

You are going to argue with your partner, eventually. That is totally normaly.

That’s right. Every relationship will, at one point or the other, have some sour moments where you cannot avoid it.. No matter how long a couple has been with each other, they will always have to deal with one issue or the other at certain times of their union.

Petty things and even bigger issues will come to play, but how couples argue about these issues strongly impacts the quality of their relationships. The most valuable skill is communication, as it can derail any potential disaster. When arguments are well constructed, it helps with a better resolution, making learning how to communicate correctly a very important virtue.

One good thing about conflicts is that when they are handled rightly, they strengthen the relationship. It is a process where the couple can disagree on issues peacefully and come out with a better understanding and resolution of such issues. When this is achieved, it establishes a stronger relationship and instills mutual respect among the couple. Holding onto resentments will only drain the happiness and gradually destroy an excellent relationship.

It is very important to know that an argument is a pathway to a better understanding and growth in your relationship. It is pertinent to understand that your partner is not an enemy to be destroyed but a loved one with whom you want to establish an understanding based on your perspective on a particular subject. Therefore you shouldn’t see yourself as a soldier in front of an enemy; it’s not a war game.

Five Rules to Argue Fairly With Your Partner

While we’re certainly not promoting an argument. But when it does happen, here are five ways to argue with your partner. The right way…

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How you respond is key!

Many people often react rather than respond to issues. It is a very important skill to differentiate between both terms as this will be beneficial to your relationship and even your communication skill generally.

When you respond instead of reacting, it sets you in control of the situation and helps you scrutinize the conflict better. Thus, it becomes easier for you to weigh the options and decide on the right response to manage the conflict. But when you react, you may say some things that you will later regret saying, and the bad side of this is that. You cannot reverse your words later.

This can be difficult to practice in real-time, but you have to learn how to control your emotions and manage your immediate reactions. Anything short of this will only escalate the conflict.

Don’t raise your voice.

Raising your voice against your partner while you are trying to prove a point in an argument is not ideal. It will only lead to more negative reactions. Let your communication be polite and detailed as you try to prove your points from your perspective. On the other side, if your partner is shouting you down you must politely call their attention to it. The tone at which you communicate is very important. Conflict resolutions can only get better when the issues are dealt with in the right manner.

Take ownership of your part.

It is only in the rare case that a person can be without blame on issues. Don’t avoid taking responsibility for your faults. Some people even exaggerate stories so that they can be on the winning side. Remember it’s not a game and that your partner is not an enemy you desire to crush. It’s just a conflict that needs to be resolved. Taking responsibility for your faults in the conflict helps you work things out and both parties can see things from a better side of view and with a better understanding.

Remember that fighting dirty isn’t worth it

Never allow anger lead you to violence or any other form of abuse. Emotional or physical abuse on your partner will only end in regrets. Be careful not to resort to using words hurtfully, trying to put some guilt on your partner.

For instance, you may accuse them wrongly that they don’t show equal lovet he has given up his happiness for you so many times. This will leave them deeply hurt even after the conflict has been resolved. They may see you as an ingrate.

Always remember that there have been good times and there will be more after this conflict has been resolved. Try as much as possible not to leave stains that won’t go away easily.

Related article: Here’s why couples who argue love each other more…

Be the peacemaker

A soft approach will surely put away wrath. When you choose to see the conflict and choose to ensure peace, it disarms your angry partner and presents you to be more reasonable and mindful of the relationship.

It becomes easier for your angered partner to deal with the anger and pain which will, in turn, lead to forgiveness easily. If your partner chooses to remain on the furious side after you have offered peace genuinely, you may have to leave for a while as some people may need some time alone for them to get over their emotions. However, you have done a great deal trying to establish peace and even your partner has that registered in his heart.

Why You Should Stop Crossing Your Legs

Do you often cross your legs while sitting casually or at any event? Well, it’s a common pose that is usually associated with style and feminine culture. Crossing your legs is actually quite common, although it’s not often brought to attention.  It can add style and elegance to your appearance. It has aesthetic value, but some medical concerns must be revealed here.

Here are 5 reasons to stop crossing your legs…

crossing your legs

1. Numbness in the muscles

Crossing the legs exerts pressure on the peroneal nerve at the back of your knee that supplies sensation to the lower legs and feet. If you remain in that pose for a longer time, legs or feet can go numb. It gives a pain like someone is giving pins or needles to your muscles. If it happens, massage the numb muscles vigorously to increase circulation in the veins.

2. Nerve palsy

When you cross your legs for a considerably longer time, it can cause a condition known as, peroneal nerve palsy. It results in a foot drop. During this condition, you become unable to lift toes properly. In a study from South Korea, many patients were examined. Sitting cross-legged for hours caused numbness and foot drop.

3. Raised blood pressure

You may have noticed when a doctor checks your blood pressure, he asks you to sit with legs uncrossed and arms flat. A comfortable pose can bring the blood pressure to a normal level and help check it properly. What happens when you cross your legs often? It raises blood pressure to a certain level. In 2010, seven studies revealed that leg crossing causes a higher blood pressure. In another study, no difference was found. Most of these studies were on a small scale.

raised blood pressure - crossing your legs

In Turkey, research was carried out at a hypertension clinic. It was on a relatively larger scale. But after three minutes, when the reading was taken, the blood pressure got back to the initial levels. Elevated blood pressure was noticed in those people, who were already under treatment for high blood pressure.

Two reasons have been understood about elevated blood pressure when you cross your legs while sitting. One knee over the other, sends blood from the legs to the chest, causing increased amount of blood pumped out of the heart. Consequently, it raises blood pressure.

Another reason is that blood pressure elevates due to isometric exercise of the leg muscles. It increases the resistance to the blood passing through the vessels. This is why, crossed ankles do not give the same effect.

There are several physiological measurements taken in Nijmegen, Netherlands.

A study was carried out there to know which of the above two reasons is accurate. According to the research, resistance in the blood vessels didn’t rise when the heart rate was low and legs were crossed. The amount of blood leaving the heart was higher than before. It showed that elevated blood pressure is because of crossed legs pushing blood up to the heart.

When you cross your legs, it causes a temporary increase in blood pressure. But according to the evidence, there are no long-term consequences. People with high risk of blood clots should sit with their legs uncrossed. Because crossed legs can cause a barrier in the flow of blood. It could increase the risk of deep vein thrombosis.

4. Varicose veins

How are varicose veins linked with sitting cross-legged? The reasons of varicose veins is not clear yet. There are tiny valves in the blood vessels that prevent blood from flowing back in the wrong direction. When these valves become loose, stretched, and weak; the blood can pool. It causes enlarged veins that is known as varicose veins.

Sitting in that pose is not the main factor for causing varicose veins. It is partly because of genetics. It is a painful disease that gets worse during cold weather. But, when you cross your legs, it certainly causes inflammation of the compressed veins.

5. Poor posture

People who remain in crossed-leg pose for several hours develop a poor posture. Their shoulders become round as they lean forward. Obviously, it apparently looks awkward. When the legs are crossed for a longer time period, it makes the shoulder become round. It also makes you lean forward. It affects body posture in an adverse way. And it also gives a stretch to the muscles. When you cross your legs, it can make your posture unattractive. Due to stooped posture, lower back pain and neck pain can also occur. It can also lead to discomfort in the hips.

There is a pelvic imbalance that makes inner thigh muscles shorter and outer thigh muscles longer. It also puts you at a joint displacement risk.

You have read the five reasons to avoid sitting with legs crossed. Decide now to ditch this habit. You can look ritzy and elegant even while sitting straight. The art is to keep the feet and knees close to each other. To avoid the health issues mentioned above, it’s important to improve the sitting and standing posture. Even the way you walk is linked to your health.

crossed legs

Final Thoughts on Why You Must Stop Crossing Your Legs so Much

Some people, especially women always sit with their legs crossed without even realizing they have been in that pose for hours. They must quit this habit instantly to stay healthy. Nowadays, many people have no idea about how to correct their postures. Posture issues may seem minor in the beginning but can cause serious health issues in the long run. Most of these posture issues arise because of excessive use of computer and smartphone technology.

People spend an unreasonable amount of time sitting in awkward positions. Physical activity has taken a backseat and this is greatly affecting the overall health of people across the world. Sitting with your legs crossed does not seem to be a harmful action, but a fair amount of activity should be incorporated into daily life to prevent health issues from arising from this position.

Reference:
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151013-is-crossing-your-legs-bad-for-you
http://www.prevention.com/health/healthy-living/10-innocent-habits-that-affect-your-health
http://www.aww.com.au/latest-news/health/why-you-should-never-cross-your-legs-26038
http://www.lifehack.org/324449/4-reasons-why-crossing-your-legs-bad-for-you

5 Things To Always Keep Secret

It is not advisable to communicate every detail of your life to everyone; sometimes a listening ear becomes a running mouth. Keep your secrets to yourself.

You aren’t lying. Some things are better kept private, don’t you agree? Discussing your personal information with everyone, especially sensitive issues, usually results in disappointment.

Here are five important things that you need to keep secret:

1. Your Innermost Thoughts

Your beliefs about certain topics should remain as your belief system, but not something you try to inculcate into others.

For instance, your thoughts about life or death might bring diverse reactions when you choose to them as a discussion topic.

Learn to understand that your thoughts are your interpretation and not the objective truth. This stance may save you from arguments.

keep secret

2. Your Philanthropy

Helping a person or charitable work improves the development of individuals and our society, but it’s more valuable when you do not seek recognition for such benevolence.

When you try to publicize how you have been helpful, it usually seems like boasting. People might think your intention for such support was to seek popularity. There’s virtue in adding value to people while remaining anonymous.

3. Your Goals

Your plans ought to be guarded with all diligence until you are able to achieve them. Vocalizing your plans might cause other people to steal your ideas and work on them, dealing with loopholes you may not have noticed.

A demoralizing experience like this would make you regret you made your plans known to anyone, so keep them secret. Keep them safe.

4. Your Lifestyle

Certain details about your personality, such as your sex life, religious life, bad habits, etc. are better kept a secret unless you trust the person with whom you’re speaking.

It’s not worth it to put your emotional conditions out to anyone. It might even lead to an argument if others don’t agree with your lifestyle choices.

5. Your Family’s Dirty Laundry

It is disrespectful and unwise to bring stories of conflicts within your family to others. It devalues you as a person and can bring ridicule to your family.

Often, such stories are passed on until, down the line, the true story has change completely. Problems in the home are best resolved in the home; keep family issues within the confines of your home and loved ones.

Do you have anything you’d like to add to this list? Add it in the comments below or on Facebook!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

9 Ways to Spot A Narcissist

“Obsession with everything related to self-importance” is a simple and concise way of defining a narcissist. Indeed, these individuals are completely enamored with their own (false) self-perceived worth.

A quick Google search will display several synonyms of narcissism, among them: conceit, egoism, egotism, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-centeredness, self-love, self-obsession, self-regard, vanity. Self, self, self…a pretty obvious recurring theme…and undoubtedly true.

One thing that narcissists aren’t necessarily is self-revealing. It is true that many narcissists do indeed display their penchant of self-everything; something made obvious by the incessant self-talk, self-promotion, or other ongoing diatribes pertaining to…you guessed it…themselves. When such conspicuous dialogue does not naturally occur, you will witness them trying to grab attention wherever and whenever possible.

But not all of them.

In true narcissist-like form, some of them will conceal their manipulative talents quite well. In fact, many people who consider themselves to be excellent judges of character can have difficulty in seeing a narcissist for who/what they really are. Their true identity may eventually reveal itself to some, but to most others, narcissists may appear driven, charismatic, ambitious, disciplined, and even fun.

Understanding what constitutes the personality disorder (i.e. symptoms) is the first step in identifying a narcissist. With said knowledge in-hand, one is perhaps better equipped to identify a potential narcissist and respond appropriately.

So, what should you look for?

toxic traits

Here are 9 ways to spot a narcissist:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. – American Psychiatric Association

1. Envies others and/or believes they are to be envied

Undercover narcissists (UCs) are quite adept in refraining from overt displays of envy or jealousy. That said, UCs may just peel back a layer and reveal their envious nature through sarcasm or another form of cryptic dialogue. It’s also common to see slyer narcissists glaring, furrowing their brow, or something else while non-verbally communicating their underlying envy.

2. Exaggerated self-importance

We touched on this a bit already in the intro. UC’s, and narcissists in general, possess an undeserving sense of self-importance. To them, they’re simply superior. Just call them a perfect genetic arrangement. In essence, this is what narcissists think of themselves. UC’s may not be as outward with such views, but they’re bound to surface sooner or later.

3. Preoccupation with status symbols

Name any type of status symbol – money, fame, fortune, beauty, intelligence, success, power – and odds are that the UC is darn near obsessive with one and probably more of them. To a UC, status symbols really are symbolic of one’s worth as a human being. Further, the UC is more likely to attribute such qualities to themselves without merit.

4. Requires constant admiration

Call it “center of attention” or “attention hog.”

Still, a UC needs to feel constantly reassured of their own importance. Didn’t notice the new clothes? A UC will nudge your attention to their wardrobe. Hear about their promotion? Oh, you didn’t…don’t worry, they’ll tell you about everything; including, of course, the all-important pay increase.

5. “Takes” often, “Gives” little

No real surprise here. UCs are takers is just about every imaginable sense. They’ll gladly take your time to ask a favor that they’ll probably never return. On the other hand, maybe they’ll ask to borrow something, money even, and never give a second thought to returning what’s rightfully yours.

6. No sense of empathy

Most human beings possess an innate sense of caring for others, their situations, and their difficulties. There’s something within our genetic code that permits our brain and body to “experience” what others are going through, or have gone through. UCs really don’t seem to have this particular genetic makeup.

7. Displays an “elite” status

Possessing an insatiable desire for status symbols – coupled with an extreme view of self-importance – it is only natural, then, that the UC thinks of themselves as elite. Furthermore, due to their nearly-flawless nature, UCs believe that only those of similar status are really worthy of their time. Pretty much anyone else is viewed along the same lines as a serf.

female narcissist

8. Strong sense of entitlement

Quick question: what does the earth revolve around? Well, the sun of course! Check that. The sun and narcissists, our fault. But joking aside, in a UCs world, people, events, time, etc. all revolve around them, and must be willing to accommodate them in the fulfillment of their needs and wants.

9. Shows arrogance and haughtiness

So this trait is not a real big surprise, is it? Indeed, nearly every inward and outward motive of a narcissist is bound together by a tightly-knit weave of arrogance and superiority. The degree to which a UC displays such entrenched attitudes is quite individualistic. However, most will eventually succumb to their inner monologue and let their arrogant outlook be known.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

12 Habits of People Who Create Their Own Happiness

Carpe Diem means seize the day in Latin. Today is unique and you may never get another one. Enjoy it while it lasts. Happiness has to be seized as well. Happiness doesn’t happen to you, it happens because of you. Other people can’t make you happy. You have to find and seize your own happiness. You have to seize it every day of your life.

Researchers have found that people who describe themselves as happy are in better health, live longer, and have less depression. They also found that 50% of an individual’s happiness level is determined by their genes. So if you have happy grandparents, you can thank them you are a happy person. On the other hand, 40% of your happiness is in your control. Which leaves only 10% of your happiness is based upon your circumstances. Having happiness habits is one way you can improve happiness in your life.

How Does Happiness Impact Your Health?

Happiness gives you a sense of well-being and a purpose in life. It has a profound effect on your over overall health. Here are some benefits of being happy.

happiness

  • Better heart health: Happiness benefits your heart, making you less apt to have high blood pressure or heart conditions. They linked happiness to reducing the risk of a stroke. A stroke occurs when there is less blood flow to your brain. People with a more positive view of life were better able to recover from a stroke than individuals who felt negatively about their life.
  • Better able to fight stress: When you have a lot of stress in your life, your stress hormones get released into your body. This can trigger heart problems, autoimmune diseases, and high blood pressure. Individuals who feel more positive about their life have more antibodies that support their immune system and fight off infection and disease. Happy people also let go of stress through exercise or social activities to help them relax.
  • Healthier life choices: Being happy increases the likelihood that you eat a more nutritious diet, exercise, and stay active. Happy people often refuse to retire, because they enjoy interacting with people, the physical exercise, and the mental stimulation.
  • Helps with pain: Did you know if you’re happy you may have less pain? Having a positive mindset can lower your pain, especially in chronic conditions like arthritis.

What are other ways your happiness habits benefit your life?

Besides health benefits, having happy habits can affect your life in other ways.

  • Happy people are better at problem-solving: When you’re happy, negative thoughts or fears don’t hold you down. You’re willing to try things, and even if you fail at something, you see it as an opportunity to learn something rather than a reason to quit.
  • Happy people make good employees: Happy individuals are more productive and can work together with others.
  • Happy people affect those around you:  If you’re a happy person, you affect the people around you positively. You like to help people and you’re good at working with difficult people because they don’t steal your happiness.
  • Happy people may earn more money: Feeling happy with your life means you work hard to get a degree or certification for higher earnings, and you’re willing to take risks to find higher-paying jobs.

Here are 12 steps to seizing your happiness everyday:

Try taking these measure to feel joy.

1. Choose To Be Happy

Happiness is a choice. It doesn’t happen by accident. You decide every day whether you are going to be happy. Nothing outside of yourself can change that unless you choose for it to. Be positive about yourself and your life. Don’t let issues or problems alter your happiness for that day. Treat everyday as a gift that you may not get tomorrow and make the most of it. Make everyday the best day of your life. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

happiness

2. Stop Worrying

If you have the resources to fix something, then fix it. Otherwise, stop worrying about it. Worrying never solved anything. All it does is inhibit your happiness. So do what you can when you can for who you can and let the rest take care of itself. Mark Twain said it best, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

3. Change Negative Thinking

We are our own worst critics sometimes. When our inner critic raises his head, push it back down and tell it to shut up and sit down. Beating yourself up does not solve the issues or complexities in your life, nor do they contribute to the solution. If anything, those negative thoughts hold you back and keep you from your happiness.

4. Forgive and Forget

Holding onto a grudge does nothing to fix a bad situation and only reminds you of the hurt. Holding onto a grudge just hurts you over and over again without actually changing the person who hurt you. Let it go and move on with your life. Stop dwelling on those old hurts and let them heal with time. Forgiveness is a sweet gift of freedom for yourself, and not necessarily for the other person.

5. Be Grateful

No matter how little you have or how much you think your life sucks right now, there are always things to be grateful for. Find those things and embrace them like your life depended on it. Recognizing things in your life that are good, beneficial or that make you happy and accepting them will raise your happiness level. When you are grateful, you do not dwell on that which you lack but on that which you have in abundance.

6. Money Can’t Buy Happiness

Money can buy you pleasures but not happiness. Pleasure is temporary and does not fill that hole inside. No amount of money can replace true happiness and contentment. Chasing money is an endless race with no finish line. Focus less on what you can’t have and more on what you do have.

7. Build Friendships

Friendships are the bedrock of real happiness. They will lift you up when you can’t get up yourself. Together you all can achieve what none of you can achieve alone. Build on existing friendships and cultivate new ones. Find friends you can talk to and do things with. A single stick can be broken but a bundle of them cannot. Find strength and resilience together and you can never be broken.

8. Take Part in Meaningful Activities

Stop being a couch zombie and go do something worthwhile with your time. If it was your last day on Earth, would you really want to catch up on a television show? Go do something new, go find your own adventure. Go venture into nature and enjoy the beauty of this life.

9. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

Social media only shows you the highly cherry-picked aspects of someone’s life. You never really get to see the nitty gritty of the daily grind. Stop comparing yourself to other people’s highlight reel. Go out there and make a highlight reel of your own. Go do things that make you feel happy not what you think other people will think is awesome.

10. Be Kind To Others

Be kind to others and they will be kind to you. Bring happiness to someone who needs it and you will find yourself sharing in their happiness. Happiness is contagious and you could be a carrier if you really wanted to be. So go spread some love. Your inner beauty and kind soul will become contagious! There is a rewarding feeling of gratitude when you do things for someone who doesn’t expect them.

happiness

11. Enjoy Life’s Simple Pleasures

Find enjoyment in the simple things – a great sandwich, a beautiful sunset, a rainy day or a cold beer on a hot day. Take nothing for granted. Hot showers, a warm bed and a roof over your head are indescribable pleasures after you have been deprived of them for a while. Memories cannot be stolen; you will always have them with you, so go make some good memories to carry you through the rough times.

12. Create and Achieve Goals for Yourself

Set small achievable goals for yourself. Give yourself something to strive for, to get out of bed for or to simply make a boring chore a challenge. Achieving goals and accomplishing things make you happy. You have not wasted a day. In fact, you achieved something that was undone before you did it. You made something happen. Every day, find something that makes you happy and make it happen.

Final Thoughts on How to Create Happiness for Yourself

There are so many benefits to being a happy person. It’s true your genetics play a part in whether you’re a happy person, but you have a lot of control over your happiness. These happy habits will raise your happiness meter so you can enjoy the benefits of your life.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Researchers Reveal How Forgiveness Can Improve Your Health

Not only that, your body depends on it.

Let us shed some light on the correlation between forgiveness and good health. You need to be aware of the dangers of holding a grudge and what it means to your body and to know the benefits of forgiveness. According to John Hopkins Medicine, “chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”

Researchers Reveal How Forgiveness Can Actually Improve Your Health

It is why so many wise people talked of forgiveness, such as Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Ghandi, Bruce Lee, John F. Kennedy, Buddha, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, and others. Lest we forget, TRUE forgiveness is when you want the best for the person that has wronged you. Research from the Journal of Health Psychology has seen that forgiveness by itself all but erased the connection in stress with mental illness, but they need more research into why that is so. Can forgiveness be learned? Boffins believe so, which is why mental health professionals try to integrate it into therapy sessions and for people to work on it at home.

It is very important to think about your situation and what has happened to you, identifying with the causes of your pent-up anger and meeting them head on, dealing with them with self-love. If you must, talk to the people who caused you harm and tell them how it made you feel. Do whatever it takes to free yourself from the chains of anger, the key to unlock yourself is forgiveness. It is good for your health in general and it makes you a more positive-oriented person, with more charisma and a zest for life.

There is a story of Buddha when a man spat in his face while talking to his disciples. He wiped off the spit and asked the man what he wanted to say next. Puzzled, the man was thrown off balance as this was not the usual reaction to being spat in the face. The man returned home and could not sleep that night, clearly consumed by the experience, as he was soaking his bedsheets with sweat. The next day, the man went back to Buddha and threw himself at Buddha’s feet, asking for forgiveness.

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Related article: 5 Reasons To Forgive People Who Don’t Apologize

Buddha said that he was not the same man as the previous day, that the river keeps on flowing and is never the same again, for every man is a river and much has happened in twenty-four hours. He added that the man was also not the same. He had changed from being a man who spat in someone’s face to throwing himself to the feet of the person at whom he spat. Buddha finished by telling him to come closer and talk of something else. In this story, forgiveness is implied and not even the precise words are needed to say that you forgive, or you have been forgiven.

We end with this quote from Mark Twain: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Forgiveness is what you give for having a healthy, happy life smelling of roses.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
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