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5 Ways to Tell If Someone Has High Functioning Depression

October 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

High functioning depression, or persistent depressive disorder, is similar to major depression, but the signs and symptoms are less severe. It causes a change in sleeping and eating habits, fatigue, hopelessness, difficulty concentrating, and low self-esteem. A person with high functioning depression struggles almost every day and will experience constant low moods.

With this persistent depressive disorder, people function normally for the most part. They will still go to work or school, perform well at their tasks, handle responsibilities, and engage in social activities. People close to them often don’t even realize they are struggling as they do so internally.

While the signs and symptoms of high functioning depression aren’t as severe as major depressive disorder, it can still have serious consequences. If left untreated, persistent depressive disorder decreases the quality of life.

Five Signs Of High-Functioning Depression

Knowing the signs of high functioning depression can help you decide on a therapeutic approach to feeling better again soon.

1. They Are Extremely Critical

When someone is highly critical of themselves and others, it’s a sign of high functioning depression. Sometimes they will disguise the criticism as a joke, but it still hurts well-being. This negative mindset causes them to view everyone critically and judgmentally, including their boss, partner, and friends.

It will seem like nothing is good enough for them and that the world is against them. The person doesn’t typically notice their criticism because they’re trying to suppress their emotions. This behavior often develops as a result of lacking self-confidence and a cycle of negative self-talk.

How To Fix It

If you struggle with being extremely critical, you can make a beneficial life-long change. Start paying attention to your thoughts and the way you criticize others. As you recognize this behavior in yourself, make a conscious decision to change your thought process.

Practice positive affirmations and eliminating negative thoughts to help change your mindset. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with a few positive ones. After a while, it will become a habit, and you will become less critical.

2. They Immerse Themselves in Work

Someone with high functioning depression might look like they are sailing through their work, but that isn’t true. People with depression often beat themselves up over their work efforts and workload. They tend to be overachievers as they go through the motions and find comfort in the next task.

A depressed person often feels like work is a distraction from negative thoughts and feelings. They can ignore the issues in their life when they consume themselves with work-related tasks. Eventually, though, this unhealthy coping mechanism leads to stress and burnout.

How To Fix It

Start by considering how much time you spend at work. If it has been an extreme amount, think about the reason for working so much. Maybe it was just that you had too much on your plate, but if that isn’t the reason, it could be due to high-functioning depression.

To remedy this unhealthy coping strategy, you must assess and reflect. Once you realize you’re suffering from your emotions, you must address those problems before moving forward. By handling the issues, you can work to overcome your depression.

3. They Turn To Unhealthy Survival Strategies

People that turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive likely have high functioning depression. Sometimes they use narcotics or alcohol to help numb their depression. Other times, they become addicted to online games, gambling, or other distractions from their pain.

Depressed people might also gain or lose weight as overeating or restricting food could be a survival strategy. Anytime someone begins turning to methods that don’t improve the situation, it is an unhealthy survival strategy. These methods can come in any form, even being as simple as binge-watching movies or shows.

How To Fix It

If you find yourself doing any activity to numb the negative emotions, it could be an unhealthy survival strategy. When you feel that temptation, don’t give in. Instead, address your emotions head-on and work to figure out the cause.

As you address the reason for your depression, you can make beneficial changes in your life. These changes will lead to life-long improvement and overcoming your depression.

4. They Are Often Angry And Irritable

When someone gets angry or snaps over a small mistake, it could be a sign of depression. Minor inconveniences such as a change of plans often trigger anger in a depressed person, too. They will always seem cranky and prone to angry outbursts and disproportionate reactions to events.

How To Fix It

If you struggle with this, you can easily make a change. Anytime you feel like you are going to explode, take a deep breath and walk away.

Give yourself time before you react, and you will likely have a more reasonable reaction. When you respond appropriately, you won’t experience feelings of guilt or rumination later, helping to decrease your depression.

5. They Are Always Doing Something

Even when they have accomplished everything they aimed for that day, a depressed person will still feel like they are wasting time. They can’t pause their mind or spend time relaxing.

A person with high-functioning depression might feel the need always to stay busy. This habit indicates that they are trying to avoid dealing with the real issue and having unpleasant thoughts. Depression causes them to be uncomfortable with slow periods because of the mindset that follows.

How To Fix It

Rather than filling every second of your day with activity, force yourself to experience downtime. As you do, allow your thoughts and feelings to flow freely, even if it is painful at first. When you recognize your emotions, you allow yourself to heal.

After you feel your emotions and think things through, switch your mindset to positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to, including overcoming depression. Then, create a plan for what you can do to fix your triggers.

6 Healthy Habits to Prevent High-Functioning Depression

Adopting some of these positive new habits can help you beat the blues.

1. Yoga

This gentle exercise incorporates meditation and physical movement. Yoga focuses on deep breathing and stretching and relieves symptoms of depression.

Not only does breathing and stretching help, but yoga can lead to an increase in serotonin levels, helping you feel happier. Plus, it decreases monoamine oxidase, an enzyme that breaks down cortisol and neurotransmitters.

2. Meditation

Meditation is a mental exercise and involves deep breathing or repeating an affirmation with a benefit in mind. While the Buddhist tradition of meditation focuses on spiritual enlightenment, there are other benefits, too. Now, meditation practice can focus on stress relief and relaxation, resulting in fewer symptoms of depression.

3. Healthy Eating

A healthy diet is a sure way to improve your overall well-being, including preventing high functioning depression. Start by cutting out junk food and limited foods with high levels of refined sugar and saturated fats. Implement more foods rich in vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and antioxidants into your diet.

Include foods rich in omega fatty acids such as fish, nuts, fruits, vegetables, and olive oil. Other foods you should regularly eat include:

meat (or another source of amino acids)
dairy products
whole grains
legumes

4. Exercise Regularly

Regular exercise helps prevent depression by increasing your body’s natural production of antidepressants. Studies show that exercising three to five days each week for at least 30 minutes can alleviate depression symptoms without medication. Not only does it increase the release of mood-boosting chemicals, but it also helps you sleep better, furthering the benefits.

5. Implement a Healthy Sleep Routine

Getting enough sleep is essential to preventing high functioning depression. Create a bedtime routine that makes you feel calm and helps you unwind before laying down. Follow the same sleep schedule to help your body naturally develop good sleeping habits.

It is essential to mention that you shouldn’t include technology as part of your bedtime routine. The lights from electronics can disrupt your sleep routine and the quality of your rest.

6. Spend Time with People You Love

Spending time with the special people in your life can help prevent depression from setting in. Enjoying time with your loved ones will boost your mood even when you feel like isolating yourself. Make sure the people you choose have a positive mindset and support you.

Be open with these people and keep an open mind if they give feedback. Their insight can help you cope with or address your life situations.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Tell If Someone Has High Functioning Depression

While the symptoms of high functioning depression aren’t as severe as other forms, it still poses a serious problem. When left untreated, the depression can manifest into something even worse, hindering a person’s functioning ability. Additionally, there is also always the risk of suicide, so treating depression right away is essential.

If you notice any of these signs in yourself or someone close to you, don’t ignore them. Even if it doesn’t seem to interfere with life goals, it does more damage than you might realize. Seek help, and then try some lifestyle changes to ease and prevent depression.

10 Ways Your Brain Makes You Gain Weight

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

“People are more susceptible to the temptations of this food environment and consequently make predictable errors in judgment. These cognitive biases lead to craving and overeating thereby contributing to weight gain and obesity.” – Jansen A., Houben K., Roefs A., “A cognitive profile of obesity and its translation into new interventions.”

Our society is one filled with highly convenient food. We need only to drive a few minutes in order to find some fast food joint offering fat-ridden delights on the cheap. As a consequence, we’ve become attuned to what scientists call the stimuli of our food environment. More exactly, our brains have become attuned to the prolific outlets offering to feed us for little more than a dollar.

The human brain is a creature of habit – any habit, good or bad. Once our brain is entrenched in a certain way of thinking, it can be very difficult to redirect our neuronal networks to some other way. Perhaps this is an evolutionary defense mechanism that accounts for our brain’s limited resources. Anyways, we digress.

The point of this particular article is to convey a basic understanding of the brain’s relationship to food. Further, why the brain – by its very design – makes it difficult to lose those excess pounds. We hope that this article can provide some practical insight to those which it applies; perhaps even leverage the power of this knowledge to make some needed changes in their eating habits.

Here are 10 ways your brain makes it hard to lose weight:

1. Working memory overwork

Our brain’s working memory permits us to focus our attention on relevant tasks. Without a proper working memory, we’d succumb to far more distractions than we do. Given the function of working memory, it is no surprise this process also plays a vital role in achievement of goals. A good working memory is generally found in disciplined dieters, as they are able to ward off tempting thoughts (e.g. eating something unhealthy).

2. Impulsiveness

An impulsive brain is one that will concede to food temptations much easier than a non-impulsive brain. The level of our brain’s impulsiveness directly influences our ability to delay gratification; such as that delicious-looking dollar cheeseburger.

Interestingly, scientists have developed an intervention program called episodic future thinking; whereby one is taught to visualize the future health goals. This process is thought to be effective against impulse eating.

3. Weakened willpower

As mentioned, our brain’s resources are limited. Making decisions that involve any feelings of inner-conflict deplete our willpower reserves even further – a problem for the brain when need to resist food. This may help explain why most diets are broken in the evening, when our cognitive tank is running on low.

The good news is that proper sleep and relaxation replenishes our brain resources.

4. Release of self-focus

Obesity has been tied directly to mental conditions such as depression and anxiety. People who tend to overeat may also suffer from acute feelings of boredom, loneliness and stress. To release this stressful internal state, people will often consume foods laden with sugar and fat, as this can provide a temporary emotional escape.

5. Abdication of self-control

Similar to impulsivity, self-control can quickly vanish when we eat even the smallest amount of junk food. In order to appease the guilt that often arises when eating unhealthy foods, we will make an excuse to temporarily abdicate our sense of control. Something along the lines of “I’ve eaten a small piece, already. Another one won’t hurt. I’ll get back to my diet tomorrow.”

6. Projection bias

During moments of relative emotional stability, we underestimate the propensity to overeat or eat unhealthily. This is known as projection bias. When one is overconfident regarding their ability to resist temptation, they’ll often place themselves in enticing situations only to succumb to them due to their misplaced overconfidence.

7. Alcohol bias

Alcohol lowers our inhibitive ability to resist all types of adverse health behaviors, which includes overeating. Lowered inhibition manifests into a both a lack of self-awareness and lower self-control. In this state, we often don’t possess the mental faculties to resist temptation.

Unsurprisingly, weight loss programs promote an abstinence or minimization of alcohol consumption. This is partially due to alcohol bias.

8. Self-licensing

It’s been found that humans are more likely to engage in unhealthy eating behaviors after achievement of a goal. For example, a runner having completed his first marathon may allow themselves to indulge in a fatty meal to account for his success.

We allow (or “license”) ourselves a temporary release on account of our successes.

9. Food cuing

Food cues are the brain’s responses to the presence of food stimuli and can occur even without the presence of hunger. For example, the smell of pizza from the local pizza shop can lead you to waltz in for a slice even though you’ve already eaten. Exposure to food cues can also divert the attention from a nearby food to the cue’s source.

10. Attention bias

Attention bias is simply our tendency to focus our attention onto foods of preference. As our attention cues are exponentially stronger for certain food types, we are more likely to seek out the food if we’re lacking in self-control or depletion of willpower.

Of course, the best way to mitigate the power of attention bias is to limit exposure (e.g. ice cream in the freezer) to unhealthy foods.

5 Rules Every Couple Should Live By

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Have you wondered the secrets of those couples who stay in long-term relationships that last not years–but decades? You’re not alone in that curiosity.

I don’t know the first real thing about the dating game. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general. – Jason Schwartzman

The funny Jason Schwartzman is not the only man or woman confused about the “rules of relationships.” Relationships bring many different emotions to the surface: attraction, joy, novelty, fun…repellence, frustration, boredom, and anxiety.

One underlying factor that contributes to the wide spectrum of emotions in a relationship is uncertainty. From the very first date, it is almost assured that one or both people will experience perplexing thoughts and emotions at some point.

There do exist certain “rules” that may help lessen the emotional turbulence experienced in a relationship. In addition to that, being knowledgeable about these “rules” will positively impact the dating experience.

Here are five rules every couple should live by:

1. Do not force intimacy in your relationships

Us humans are intimate creatures; it is a necessary trait for procreation brought about by evolution. As such, it can be very tempting to transition into a physical relationship quicker than what is healthy. Intimacy can mean holding hands, caressing, kissing, and sex.

Both men and women are guilty of breaking this important rule, which can be a deal-breaker. The first couple of months are where both people need to tread carefully. The reason is simple: making a move too quickly can potentially undo any previous chemistry.

The act of intimacy should be the pinnacle of two people’s feelings for each other. While we cannot – and should not – advise about knowing the “right time,” it is a good idea to think of the stages of intimacy as chronological, from holding hands to intercourse, based solely off the level of mutual chemistry.

2. Trust your instincts

The second “rule” on this list appropriately follows the first. Often, only one’s instincts can guide what to do next in your process as a couple. Furthermore, keen instincts can protect the emotions of each person involved.

If something appears to be “off” about the other person, it at least warrants further investigation. If this feeling should persist after a couple of months (maximum) it is best to cut ties and move on simply.

Do not fall into the trap of making excuses for someone you’ve just met. Look at it this way, if your instincts are right, then you save time while limiting the potential damage done to the other person. If you’re wrong, plenty of people out there won’t raise a red flag.

3. Do not settle

The unofficial credo of early stages of a relationship: “Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully-fledged couple.” We can thank “Saucy” over at Urban Dictionary for that.

“Saucy” is right on. Especially with the phrase “to find out what each other is like,” and “as a prelude to being a (couple).” Really, dating is supposed to be fun. Getting to know another person is (usually!) an entertaining experience.

But some people jump the gun way to early and settle down with the first person whom they have any meaningful chemistry. Needless to say, this is often a poor decision that will probably end up hurting both people in the end.

Choose the right person for you.

4. Do not be “overly available” in your relationships

Not being “overly available” isn’t some sophomoric mind game that one plays with another – at least, it shouldn’t be. Do some men and women manipulate their “availability” in some calculated attempt to attract the other person? Yes, but the true rationale for not being overly available is far more benevolent and deliberate.

Simply put, managing your availability is about setting boundaries and safeguarding emotions.

During the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, the thought of abdicating what you’re doing to meet up with the other person can be enticing. But it’s a certain mistake, and one that may inflict a heavy emotional toll should the relationship go south.

Instead, carry out your day as usual. Hopefully, you or the other person will know when to reach out.

5. Do not reveal too much, too quickly

As mentioned, a relationship’s fundamental purpose is getting to know someone and gauging chemistry. This is a process that requires time and communication.

In the early stages of being a couple, two people know very little about one another. As time elapses, the mutual conversation will naturally reveal additional information about each person at the right time. As such, going on a diatribe about personal details early in being a couple is a poor use of judgment.

Immaturely revealing personal information is not only poor judgment but also incredibly unattractive. No one should possess the amount of personal information by the end of the first few days or weeks together that one would have by their first-year anniversary. Where is the mystique in that?

Allowing time to take its course also includes courting each other. Engaging naturally in conversation, allowing time to pass, and the remaining patient will always reap more dating fruit.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The 20 Top Problems Of Highly Intelligent People

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Very smart people are very good at the things they are focused on. This is usually work-related, as their social life can slightly stunt them due to their high intelligence. On the one hand, the media highly touts intelligent people for their accomplishments. But at the same time, they sometimes receive ridicule for their perceived social awkwardness. They see the world in a fundamentally different way than everyone else. Things that are obvious to them might be an alien mystery to the rest of the planet. Their very intellect, which sets them apart, prevents them from really integrating into the rest of society.

Surprising Problems That Highly Intelligent People Often Encounter

Despite their intellect, there are five common problems that highly intelligent people often face daily:

1. The Opposite Sex

Because of their smarts and focus on school and learning their specialty, they tended to be neglected or were often forced out of social interactions with opposite-sex peers. Because of a lack of practice in the social arena, they find the opposite sex intimidating and sometimes confusing. They haven’t been given enough training in interacting with the opposite sex, so people see them as socially awkward. This tends to become a negative feedback loop as more and more less-than-optimal interactions push them further into solitude. Compound this with the desire to find someone as smart as they are so they can at least connect on a mental level, and they set themselves up for disappointment.

2. Pressure to Succeed

Not only do their parents, teachers, and peers push them to compete and succeed in a very demanding field, but they expect it of themselves. They tie their career and monetary or academic success with their self-worth. They might pass up enriching and entertaining social activities to study a little bit more or work on a project for school. If they fail to achieve their very lofty and demanding goals, they might fall into depression and anger. This intense pressure to succeed might also drive them to use drugs to enhance their mental performance or boost their physical endurance to do better on tests or get a project done ahead of schedule.

3. Analysis Paralysis

Because they are so bright, they will try to look at the pros and cons of any decision. A decision as simple as what to eat for dinner or whether or not to call someone back for a second date can lead to a metal lock as they try to decide what to do. They get caught up in the cost-benefit analysis and end up overanalyzing everything. Things that we take for granted or make a quick decision for, they find difficult. The time spent analyzing creates a mental paralysis where they see making a decision as overly tricky.

4. An Alien Among Us

Highly intelligent people find it difficult to relate to others. Other people may find intelligent person pretentious when they are just stating the facts as to how they see them. They find it challenging to teach someone else something that may come naturally to them in a way the other person can understand. Something that might seem simple to them, even pedestrian, could sound incredibly complex to the average person. Concepts that are fun and challenging might seem like an alien language to us. And just like an alien, they might find communicating and relating to the rest of us a complicated undertaking.

5. Ignorance is Bliss

A very intelligent person can see connections and patterns in the world and history that might elude the rest of us. They can see century-long cycles grinding to their inevitable conclusion while the rest of us are glued to who will win the sports-ball championships this year. Because they can see those underlying forces at work and can more or less predict the outcome, they find it hard to find happiness like the rest of us. Imagine that you could see the future and something terrible was going to happen, but no one would understand you if they did listen.

6. There’s a Substance Abuse Likelihood

People often stigmatize alcohol and drug addiction and the folks who face these issues. However, it’s much more prevalent in those with higher IQs as they usually have difficulty fitting in with society. These individuals are often “novelty junkies,” where they have a conflicting reality and fight inner demons. Individuals with high intelligence are more likely to face alcohol and methamphetamine addiction, among other things.

7. Lies a lot

Did you know that there’s a direct link between executive functioning and lying? Some of these folks require a complex deception, and since their minds can keep their lies neatly categorized, they have no problem telling and keeping track of all their tricks. One of the main reasons they lie so much is that they often feel like fish out of water.

They will say and do just about anything to fit in. While they know they’re different, part of them still longs just to be accepted and loved by others.

8. Talking About Yourself

Those with a higher IQ than others tend to dominate conversations by talking about themselves. They love to use yes/no or multiple-choice questions to engage people in their latest adventures. This person often has a high sense of self-worth because of their abilities, but they usually just cannot relate to others. The only thing they know about for sure is their life, so it tends to dominate their conversations.

9. Book Smart but Lacking Street Smarts

Having book smarts but not street smarts is a massive problem among the intelligent. They know all about quantum physics, but they often miss social cues from those around them. They can quote facts and statistics about things that you couldn’t even imagine, yet they will miss the punchline of a simple joke that a kindergartener can catch.

10. Workaholism

Did you know that knowledgeable people are more apt to be workaholics? Take, for instance, the citizens of Japan. They’re a country where the citizens have the third-highest IQ in the world. They have the highest number of hours worked at 1714, averaged annually per person.

According to Business Insider, only 33 percent of people in this country take any vacation days. Having a good work-life balance is often an issue for the highly intelligent, and it can cause burnout and relationship issues. One thing a smart person knows how to do well is work, so they often bury themselves in their jobs.

11. Are Easier to Scam

One would think that all those smarts would protect them from scams, but it’s just the opposite. Those with a higher IQ are more likely to be cheated, particularly with financial investments. Some think it’s the combination of greed and ego that get in the way, but they’re easy targets for Investment ploys.

12. Premature Aging

There are four fundamental reasons why an intelligent person ages faster than a traditional individual, they are:

Little to no stress management
Late nights and little sleep leads to circadian rhythm mismanagement
Mycotoxins from a poor diet
Alcohol and substance abuse

The poor diet and late nights catch up with a person. Additionally, being under constant stress is another killer. The stress levels of those with high IQs are noteworthy, directly impacting their aging process.

13. Likely to be an Atheist

The highly intelligent person deals with things that are concrete and scientifically based. This makes any religion seem far-fetched to them. This person will likely deny any spiritualism in their life, and they believe that it’s evolutionary psychology that encourages folks to believe in God.

Sadly, many families and people at work have deep religious beliefs, which makes it another area that is hard for a higher IQ person to fit in.

14. Doesn’t Find Happiness Easily

Some say that intelligent people have a curse of being themselves. Part of the problem is that they overthink, and all this overthinking causes them to be quite unhappy. They’re often jealous of those around them who seem bright enough and have a good life, but all this excessive knowledge does not burden them.

There are many instances where they pretend to lack knowledge, and they do so that they come across to others as everyday people. However, it won’t be long before their intelligence comes shining through, as their thought processes are just a bit superior.

15. Technology Addiction

An intelligent person is likely to turn to technology to fill their days and nights. They might be video game buffs, IT experts, and all-around techno people. As a child, they would take apart computers, DVD players, and other electronic devices because they wanted to see how they all worked.

While their parents might have seen these behaviors as destructive, it was more about their desire to learn and satisfy their craving for knowledge.

16. People Take Credit for Your Ideas

You can have the best idea in the world, but it’s meaningless if you can’t implement this concept. The intelligent may find that their thoughts are stolen by those who know how to implement them and make them profitable. They may be a little too free with their views to fit in, which could get high-dollar concepts they failed to work stollen by others.

17. Being a Night Owl

Some people function better at night than they do during the day, which is true of intelligent individuals. Part of this could be because they often don’t fit in with the crowd and tend to be loaners, so they choose to flourish when most of the world is in bed.

Those with high IQs often have a hard time shutting down their brain, so they will toss and turn until they exhaust themselves and collapse in fatigue.

18. Perfectionist

Being average is not an option for the intelligent person, and they demand this high level of achievement of themselves. They are the kind of person that starts writing a paper and deletes it ten times before they can make it right. They don’t mind going back to the beginning and starting over time and time again until they do something right.

19. Likely to Be a Psychopath

Here’s one fact that’s kind of hard to swallow. Did you know there’s a correlation between high IQs and psychopathy? According to a study published by Guilford Press, psychopaths often show superior intelligence.

After analyzing 370 men, they concluded that those with a higher IQ tend to be more apt to have psychopathic tendencies. These people often can’t empathize with others, and they don’t have the emotional intelligence to comprehend the pain others feel.

20. Going too Deep with People

The intelligent person is a loaner for a good reason, as many people don’t understand the depths of their minds. It often creates “intellectual loneliness” as they can’t seem to find a crowd they fit into, as many people don’t know how to handle them. It’s as if they’re off in their little world, and it’s hard for the ordinary person to understand them truly.

Final Thoughts on the Unlikely Problems Intelligent People Have

Happiness comes from accepting that the universe is the way it is, and there is nothing we can do about it, but a very intelligent person can’t help but try and affect the outcome. This knowledge and ability to see the results of very complex and long-term conditions when everyone else can’t sometimes leads to intense frustration. As a result, brilliant people might lack patience for those who cannot think or connect on the same level.

7 Excuses A Cheater Will Try to Give You

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Cheating during a relationship is, unfortunately, a common occurrence in modern society. But how often does someone encounter a cheater?

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it is estimated that anywhere between 30-60 percent of individuals cheat on someone else. Sadly, many relationship experts believe this percentage to be on the conservative side.

“It is better to lock up your heart with a merciless padlock, than to fall in love with someone who doesn’t know what they mean to you.” – Michael Bassey Johnson.

Cheating in a committed relationship is an act of cowardice, one committed when a person lacks the resolve to take more appropriate actions. Instead of seeking out relationship counseling, engaging in dialogue with their partner, or ending the relationship like an adult, the cheater gives themselves to someone else whilst forgetting the hurt – known or unknown – that their infidelity inflicts.

Perhaps worse than the actual act of cheating is the deceptiveness that encompasses the act. Cheaters will often invoke many of the same excuses – even to themselves – to hide and justify their behavior. The underlying motive remains the same: an unwillingness or fear of navigating the relationship responsibility.

Leading us to the topic of this article: 7 Common Excuses of cheaters.

Let’s get to it!

Seven Lame Excuses a Cheater Gives You

Here is some of the language to watch out for:

1. “I’m unhappy…why should I stay unhappy?”

It is normal for some romance to dissipate the longer a relationship endures. Sex, intimacy and spontaneity are more likely to be lacking in both quality and quantity. Not surprisingly, all three are frequently-cited reasons why someone is unhappy with their significant other.

At its core, this excuse is a defense mechanism. The common rationale for the “unhappy” excuse is to dampen any underlying sense of responsibility or guilt. This self-serving emotional manipulation increases the likelihood that one will engage in an inappropriate relationship.

2. “I’m just bored.”

Similar to feelings of romance, it is natural for novelty to wane during a relationship. Citing boredom as an excuse is simply a manifestation of “out with the old, in with the new.” Using this excuse to cheat on someone is both shallow and disturbing; nothing more than textbook narcissism applied in the context of a relationship.

Boredom is a fair excuse for personal disengagement in the initial stages of dating when two people are attempting to “feel each other out.” After all, sometimes the ever-enigmatic sense of chemistry just isn’t there. In pretty much every other scenario, however, it’s a poor excuse at best.

3.“You’re not the person I met.”

Serious alterations to personality aside, this likely isn’t an excuse rooted in merit. Even then, it should be obvious that more effective means exist to end a relationship. Cheating really accomplishes nothing in this regard; instead, it simply serves as a welcome distraction.

Many times, people cite this excuse if someone’s physical appearance changes. Weight gain, lack of grooming, and a perceived lack of self-care are often motivating factors for one to cheat.

4. “We’re always fighting…”

When the complex dynamics that make up a relationship (e.g. sex, finances) are out of balance, frustrations mount and arguments almost always ensue. Of course, the elevated anger that often accompanies arguing has a unique way of suppressing our logic. We’re far less likely to heed the wise axiom “Don’t say now what you’ll regret later.”

Fighting of any sort is an emotionally-draining event. After a certain period of time, incessant arguing can skew one’s perception of someone else…even people they love. Too often, men or women use this is an excuse to cheat.

5. “I can always come back to her/him.”

One way to separate guilt from cheating is to justify it by citing the “benefits” of such; by rationalizing a potential return to the other person. All will be well and good, right? Not really, no. Many people that contemplate this unlikely scenario are guilt-ridden even before committing the act of cheating. You probably see where this is going…

Ironically, some people rationalize the act as a way to come back a better version of themselves; all while engaging in one of the most selfish actions possible.

6. “I’m just ‘designed’ to cheat.”

We’re not here to extrapolate on any genetic predisposition to monogamy or polyamory. Many credible, research-intensive studies have been done on the topic, and one can draw their own conclusions.

However, the notion that any existing genetic influence negates relationship choice – hence, responsibility – is devoid of substance.

Most of us will agree that some individuals are better suited for long-term relationships than others. Most of us will also concede that entering into a relationship for which one is not ‘designed’ is a conscious choice. Nonetheless, many cheaters have faulted their biological makeup as a reason to cheat. It is not.

7. “I don’t know why I cheat.”

The psychology of infidelity is a foreign topic for most of us. Suffice to say that myriad conscious and subconscious factors are likely at play when someone decides to cheat on their partner.

However, abdicating responsibility for cheating is no different, say, then abdicating responsibility for overeating. While genetic factors almost certainly have a direct influence on each potential behavior, it is within the control of each person make a deliberate choice to engage or not.

One may not know why they have a predilection for cheating, but they should know the reason for such…a conscious choice was made.

Why Most Men Don’t “Hear” Women

October 18, 2016 by Chris Butler

“The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT.” – Alfred Brendel. Was he talking about men?

We don’t need to regurgitate scientific studies to demonstrate that most men are poor listeners… ask the nearest woman to you.

On the other hand, some men consider themselves to be excellent listeners. Research can suggest it depends on their personality or cognitive recognition.

Many men are subpar listeners in relationships. Science has confirmed it multiple times.

So, why is this exactly? While we discuss why most (not all!) men are poor listeners from a relationship and gender angle, some of the reasons discussed transcend that relationship.

In so doing, perhaps we may be able to help two groups of people: (1) the potentially-troubled male listener and (2) women in a relationship with #1!

Let’s get after it.

Here are ten reasons why most men don’t “hear” women:

1. Expecting mutual agreement

See, women are often right…but not always. Sometimes in a committed relationship, it is common for a woman to “expect” a sort-of mutual understanding of various things.

This is a touchy topic since, in the beginning, the man seemed to agree with the majority of what the woman was saying. Once a relationship develops, however, a man has less “incentive” to concede and feels more comfortable speaking his mind.

It’s healthy for two people not to share the same opinion on matters—no need to argue. Just accept the other’s point of view.

2. Not “getting to the point”

Women are fond of iterating details that seem, to them, a way of heightening intimacy. Genuinely, this perspective carries merit. Facts in and of themselves are intimate. However, men are not particularly adept at staying “tuned in.” Men are more comfortable with the point of a dialogue than the finer details.

Perhaps the best way to go about this is to pose a question first and THEN fill in the finer details. This allows the man to “connect the dots” and should give ample enough time to form an opinion.

3. Trying too hard to impress

A man is already impressed with you, as he is already WITH you. As such, it is not necessary to continually “prove your worth” by rehashing things that seem impressive. By natural design, men feel obligated to provide for themselves and their loved ones.

Part of this means accepting that men are more comfortable with achievement and status amongst peers rather than with their partners.

4. He’s busy doing something

Not all men are excellent multitaskers. If a man happens to be preoccupied with something, it is best to be patient and allow him to complete the task first. It doesn’t matter if it’s a football game, a nap, or something else.

Be patient and make sure your man is ready to listen.

5. Insistence on venting

Venting is something that men can be tremendously uncomfortable with. The reason is that, while we want to support you, we’re a bit taken aback by the slew of information that is being directed towards us. Again, men are not as comfortable with engaging in emotional dialogue as women are.

Chalk another one up to evolutionary design.

6. Expecting mutual interest

This one is somewhat similar to the problems with assuming mutual agreement. Many (many) couples already have a solid understanding of what makes the other person “tick.” However, when a novel situation arises, it may be tempting to revert to that honeymoon phase where we both anticipate a consensus on just about anything.

7. He’s confused

Men are very linear thinkers, in general. Women have a talent for constructing abstract thoughts and subsequently verbalizing them. When men are caught up with a whirlwind of competing thought processes, they are easily confused; finding it difficult to sustain attention and deliver appropriate feedback.

Give some time and space, let him compose his bearings, and then explain what’s going on.

8. Real or perceived “nagging.”

Here’s another touchy topic. What women perceive as appropriate dialogue, a man can construe as pointless. Because men are not as good of listeners, we’re more apt to label such a one-way conversation as “nagging.”

Many reasons can be attributed to this perception, mainly that men are sometimes unequipped to engage in conversation beyond the typical. Regardless, it benefits both persons to “check-in” to ensure mutual understanding. It helps to cut off any potential distractions as well.

9. Expecting “friend-like” communication

For the most part, two people in a relationship communicate very differently than with other people. Women seek to be understood more than men do, in general. As such, female conversations with female friends and associates are bound to be more laden with empathetic emotion and mutual understanding.

However, carrying this anticipatory expectation into a dialogue with a man rarely results in something constructive. As mentioned, men view the overall point of communication differently than most women.

10. And then there’s texting

Not much elaboration is needed here. Texting about anything other than trivial matters is not a good form of communication between two people involved in a relationship.

Hopefully, with the differences cited here, we can all understand why.

Communication is one of life’s most essential skills. It involves speaking, writing, and listening. Part of being a good communicator is being a good listener. Listening is more than just being able to hear. Hearing and listening are as different as night and day. Listening requires you to use your mind and emotions. Hearing, on the other hand, requires your ears. If you want to become a better communicator, you must first learn how to be a good listener.

What Is Listening?

Listening is defined as paying attention to someone to hear what is being said. To hear what someone has said and understand it is serious, important, or true.

Listening is hard work. It requires concentration and focuses on the person speaking to you. It’s easy to fall into poor listening habits, especially when in a comfortable relationship. The highest level of listening is called active listening. Active listening is the most effective way to communicate. An active listener can listen to what a speaker says and discern how they feel.

What are some qualities of a good listener?

Good listening isn’t just being quiet-A good listener leans in and listen with their body. They make eye contact. They are curious to get more insight. A good listener may say things like “Ok” or “I see” to communicate their interest.

They ask good questions-When you’re finished talking. Good listeners ask you questions to clarify or to be sure they understand what you said.
They stay positive-A partner who is a good listener makes you feel supported and loved. You feel safe telling them difficult things because you know they listen to you.
A good listener gives feedback- Sometimes, you want your partner to listen to you. Other times, you want their thoughts. It would be best to communicate what you wanted before you talked to them. You could say something like, “Hey, I want to share something with you, but I’m not looking for a solution. I need to talk it out.” Of course, it won’t be helpful if they sound critical when they give advice.

I heard what you said, but I didn’t listen to you.

When you’re in a relationship, your partner may hear what you say, but they don’t listen. Why is that?

For one thing, communication isn’t straightforward. It can be time-consuming and frustrating. Here are some other reasons communication breaks down.

Your partner didn’t understand what you meant or what you told them got mixed up in their mind.
You forgot some crucial details or background information. Your partner may have been ready to listen, but somehow the data wasn’t all there.
They got distracted by their thoughts or the world around them.
What you thought you said meant something different to your partner, mainly if you used words that weren’t familiar to them.

Figure out the barriers to helping men hear

Figure out what hinders your partner’s listening. Once you understand the barriers, your communication will improve. When you’re in a conversation, take note of these things.

Does your partner seem distracted? Ask them if there is a way to help them get rid of the distractions.
Should you repeat something you said? It can be irritating to repeat yourself, but repetition helps avoid mistakes.
Keep the message simple and to the point. Avoid tangents and extra information that aren’t pertinent to the conversation.
Be sure to include background information and essential details.

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