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6 Ways Saying “I Love You” Changes With Your Relationship

September 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Love is great, is it not?

Two people in a romantic relationship going through life and coexisting is one of the hardest things we do. Yet at the beginning, we go steaming in full speed ahead; such is the power of the euphoria of something new and exciting. The question you ask yourself is: “Does love change with time?” Without a shadow of doubt.

Here is the evolution of the L-Word in stages of the relationship.

8 Ways Saying “I Love You” Changes With Your Relationship

L-Word 1: 3-6 Months

Finally, you have both said it for the first time, the L-Word. After weeks/months of dating, getting to know one another, having electric sexual chemistry… what a time to be alive! The L-Word 1 is both of you saying in unison: “So far, so great! We want to take it a step further as we are crazy about each other.”

L-Word 2: 1 Year

A year has passed and you are still mad about him/her and you find his/her little quirks adorable. You both try freaky stuff in the sack – and out of it! Saying the L-Word 2 makes you both think about the future together and how amazing it will be with your honey pie. You and them versus the world. It is at this time when you talk of the all-important moving in together and/or wedding bells start to chime to “Here Comes The Bride.”

L-Word 3: 1 1/2-2 Years

Just checking in to ask how the decorating is going. Has she turned your sacred game room into a nursery yet? How much closet space have you really given him? L-Word 3 is when the word “compromise” comes into play. It is not just about whispering sweet nothings in your dearly beloved’s ear or kinky sex games anymore. It is about give and take – make a mental note that it does not mean he gives and you take, ladies!

L-Word 4: 2-3 Years

Arguing is part and parcel of any relationship. In moderation and with decent conflict resolution, arguing is healthy. If you two love doves argue too much or not enough, you are looking at trouble with a capital T. The L-Word 4 says: “Let us learn from our mistakes and use them to tweak our behavior to create more understanding in the relationship.” Fellas, get out of that man cave and talk it out with the missus.

L-Word 5: 3-5 Years

You are starting to move past those challenging times. You might have more in the shape of the sound of tiny feet, and that brings more pressure to the relationship. With the appropriate management skills and persistence, they can all be overcome. Talk to him/her about your worries (I know, fellas, easier said than done); communication is so important now more than ever. Moving past petty squabbles was just the appetiser to the main course of everyday conundrums. Public or private school for Jay? Domestic or overseas investment? How to get the downstairs toilet fixed? The L-Word 5 says that you two can and will get past anything that stands in your way.

L-Word 6: 5+ Years

You have put your paces together and have gone through hell to make it work. This is your reward: a loving partner who treats you right and even a cute family if you decided to have one. You know you’re sweetie through learning how to make him/her happy and how to calm them down when distressed. The L-Word 6 means: “We did it! Thanks to each other, we have what we were looking for all along after going to hell and back to make it work.” Those challenges do not end, though. At least you both have the right tools to reach an agreed resolution now.

Love is strength. Strength to enjoy the good times, strength to withstand with understanding in the bad, and strength to resolve all problems and overcome challenges to reap the rewards. Do not run away from difficulty; embrace it with open arms. You are strong enough to move past anything thrown your way. Do it together!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (And How to Meet Them)

September 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Walk like a Maslow Egyptian with the pyramid called the hierarchy of needs. You will see how we learn the required skills to move on it. Some of these are easy to understand; others are like reading hieroglyphics. So, we are coming at you like Cleopatra with the need to feel like a pharaoh. They are physiological, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization. Notice the self-being at the top – just saying!

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (And How to Attain Them)

1. Physiological (PL) needs

Most of them are innate, but by the wrath of Anubis others are not or need to be taught to do whatever it is that they need to do properly. What are the PL needs? Master Maslow replies: “Breathing, food, water, shelter, sleep, urination, and defecation.”

Breathing is innate, thus, no teaching is necessary. Sleep, urination, and defecation are also innate but require control. Sleeping can be controlled by just following the example of mummy and daddy, which takes months or even years to perfect. Urination and defecation require practice via potty training; until this is mastered, nappies/diapers are the norm. Eating and drinking are innate as well, but babies can only do so by a parent or other loved one feeding the beautiful bundle of joy.

As the child grows and gains teeth, milk suckled by babies is replaced by semi-solid food, which in turn is replaced by solid food and water when they are ready. Parents generally provide the shelter until the child is old enough to fly the nest, so again this is taught by repetition with him/her learning by example.

2. Safety and security (SAS) needs

As the child grows into early adulthood, learning the skills to satisfy PL needs, the same process is essential for SAS. You have consulted the Oracle of Siwa with the following: “What are the SAS needs?” The great Oracle, also known as Maslow, responds: “Health, employment, property, family, and social ability.” How to handle health is very important; without it our young pharaoh would not live to build the sphinx. Achieved by correct cleaning, a healthy diet instead of junk food, and drinking water instead of soft drinks. Regarding security within the workplace, the future great one has to offer something valuable to society. This is normally done by way of obtaining and holding down a job.

Next on the list is property, what you own – or what the family owns in the case of the young one. This requires defending from people with bad intentions. You can do it legally, physically, or verbally. Many wars have started between two countries because of territory, which continues to this day. Family is very similar to property in SAS, except it is more personal. Rape, murder, assault, any type of abuse are all crimes against people. Social ability helps security in terms of connections in all parts of life, making the young man influential with others. The trick is to just get out there, experience life and make mistakes so that you learn and become stronger and better. Our pharaoh is growing.

3. Love and belonging (LAB) needs

Now we are starting to move towards the self, however still with relation to other people and with growing still to do – just like the River Nile (or so it seemed). The life giver of Egypt was its main water supply in the middle of the harsh Sahara desert and the desert is where our young pharaoh is without “friendships, family, intimacy, and sense of connection,” says the main man Maslow. LAB needs require a support platform, just like the Nile branching out into a delta as the river reaches the sea, with one branch for friends, another for family, and so on. Family members are a given most of the time and you can lean on them and vice versa no matter what.

With everyone else, the special ingredient necessary to gain friends and romantic love is the charm – your unique charm. What do you bring to the table? You have your qualities and defects. This is what makes the group or couple special, everyone brings something different, and that sense of connection is formed and solidified.

4. Self-esteem (SE) needs

Confidence, achievement, respect for others, and the need to be a unique individual. We did not get a chance to ask Maslow, you say. That is what it is about, he knew exactly what to say before you even thought of the question. That is confidence. The pharaoh is now a man. Why? He knows when to speak and when to listen, when to act and when not to. He knows what to do to get the right result and how to do it. In listening, he knows not to interrupt and in helping, he helps with all his compassionate, kind heart. Yet he is not fooled by con artists or other phoney people and calls them out on it. SE needs nailed here.

5. Self-actualisation (SA) needs

It was a delight watching the pharaoh grow up, now he is Ramesses II, the greatest of them all. Maslow has the inside scoop on why: “Morality, creativity, spontaneity, acceptance, experience, purpose, meaning, inner potential.” A moral person has integrity (doing the right thing always), which is borne from self-love. He is the same person with everyone, no matter their background or social class. He is a creative soul; he comes from a culture of glorious Ancient Egyptian craftsmanship – the pyramids, the Temple of Abu Simbel, among others.

These are the rewards of sticking to a plan and never losing sight of his goals. He can make a snap decision if needed, always adapting to the environment around him. His unwavering beliefs and journey, thanks to the lessons learnt since he was a nipper, give his life meaning and a cause far greater than his own life. However, he knows his learning days are never behind him.

There is a Ramesses II in all of us. We learn what we need to when we need it, then apply those lessons accordingly. All this could be yours and so much more…

6 Signs You’re An Earth Angel

September 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Are you an earth angel? No, we’re not talking about the doo-wop song by Curtis Williams and the Penguins. This earth angel definition is something completely different. Even Curtis Williams would agree that earth angels represent the very best of us.

You might know these types of people by a couple of different names – lightworkers, earth angels, or something similar. You may have come into contact with one or even feel like one of these special people yourself. Lightworkers literally have come here to spread and share their light as much as possible, and bring about help and positive change to this planet. They have no patience for hate, intolerance, violence, or oppression; these types just want everyone to live in harmony and move on from our current problems on Earth.

Lightworkers don’t resonate with much in the modern world; often, they feel like old souls who have come here once again to restore and renew the planet. They relate to how the world worked when we lived off the land, in harmony with each other, the animals, and nature. While they know that we probably won’t ever go back to that way of living, earth angels want us to live in peace with our world now. They want abundance, laughter, happiness, and joy for all. Indeed, they are some of the most selfless people you will ever meet.

Earth angels want to align with pure, loving energy, and by doing so, help others to find their highest selves in this lifetime. They want to transcend the problems and heartache and live in true harmony with the Divine. They have good intentions for themselves and the planet, but often get frustrated with our current state of affairs.

If you feel like you might be an earth angel, but aren’t sure, read this list to clarify your role on this planet.

6 SIGNS YOU’RE AN EARTH ANGEL (AND DON’T KNOW IT)

1. YOU’RE HIGHLY SENSITIVE.

Earth angels have obviously come here for a grand purpose, but saving the planet comes at a hefty cost. Sometimes, the Earth angel will feel overwhelmed by all the problems in the world, and feel as though they can’t ever come close to making a difference. The Earth angel can get frustrated and tired of things on this Earth, and feel desperate for change. They don’t enjoy being around big crowds and loud people, as the conflicting energy can make them frazzled and anxious.

Earth angels also have high sensitivity to violence, hatred, and basically, anything portrayed as unfavorable by the media and news outlets. They tend to hide away in the comfort of their rooms much of the time, as a way to protect themselves from the hectic, overstimulating outside world.

If this sounds like you, then you might be an Earth angel.

2. YOU LOVE ALONE TIME.

The lightworker, or Earth angel, loves spending time in solitude to recharge and rebalance their energies. Like we said in the first paragraph – these types of people get overwhelmed frequently by the world today, and use their time alone to heal and prepare themselves for the next encounter with the outside world. They enjoy really digging deep into their psyche and healing parts of themselves that have been broken. Earth angels know that in order to change the world, they must change themselves, and work tirelessly to become the best version of themselves.

3. YOU CARE DEEPLY FOR OTHERS.

Do you feel empathetic towards others, and want to help them through their problems? If so, you could be an Earth angel. These people would drop everything to help someone in need, as they have suffered themselves and don’t want to see anyone else hurting. Lightworkers feel deeply connected to their fellow humans, and just want to provide solace to anyone who needs it. Earth angels understand how difficult and scary the world can seem at times, as we live in uncertainty almost constantly. Who knows what tomorrow may bring, but lightworkers know that they can make positive change today.

They live in the now, and want to make as much positive change for others as possible. Earth angels can relate to other people’s struggles, as they have likely been there before.

4. YOU FEEL CALLED TO A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

You don’t relate to worldly desires and the structured path. Additionally, you don’t like the programmed, conditioned society we live in, and have never felt compelled to follow in other people’s footsteps. You want to make your own mark and live by your own rules, and don’t like people telling you what to do. Plus you feel called to do something more than what people consider “normal,” and couldn’t dream of living life being unfulfilled. Earth angels may feel a strong pull to do something in the field of humanitarianism, such as being a social worker, counselor, acupuncturist, or massage therapist. They see themselves as healers, and want jobs in fields where they can live out their passions.

You may even want to start your own business to free yourself of the structure and routine that comes with a normal job.

5. YOU HAVE A STRONG INTUITION.

You probably don’t live life through the lens of logic, instead choosing to make decisions based on your emotions and intuition. Earth angels feel more deeply than others, and don’t really resonate with our extremely right-brained way of living in today’s society. You connect with things that appeal to emotions, such as art, music, sharing stories, and connecting with others in a meaningful way. You allow your intuition to guide you in life, helping you to figure out each new step you take.

Earth angels trust that inner voice telling them what to do, as they know that the messages they receive have come from the Divine. They trust the universe to bring positive things and people into their lives and know that intuition is the medium by which it speaks to them. They call on their spirit guides and angels for frequent assistance and probably follow some sort of spiritual practice.

6. YOU REJECT MOST “MODERN IDEALS.”

Most lightworkers and Earth angels can’t understand the world today. Why do we spend so much time working jobs we hate to afford things we don’t need? And why do jobs exist in the first place? Why do we continue to pollute our homes? How can we treat it like garbage when it’s the only place we have to live? What about consuming so much and giving so little? Why do we have wars and racism? Why haven’t we evolved into a more civilized society? These questions run through the minds of lightworkers and Earth angels everywhere, and in turn, they reject modern society based on the answers they receive. Many call them hippies. But they just see caring for the planet and each other as normal, necessary parts of life.

Earth angels realize that we cannot continue to live in a state of separation and isolation from one another. We absolutely need each other to survive. Earth angels just hope that we as a collective can come together and rejoice in the ultimate truth. That is, our right to love, happiness, freedom, and abundance. We have enough on this Earth for everyone to live happily and fully. But our own consciousness inhibits us from living this truth. Earth angels focus on spreading ancient wisdom in hopes of waking up people to our connectedness.

Earth angels spend a lot of time in nature, where they feel most comfortable and at home with themselves. They value nature and anything of the natural world and steer clear of materialism, greed, corporations, voting, and anything that promotes separation and division.

If these signs resonated with you, you are probably a lightworker. It’s a tough path, but very rewarding in the end. Whenever you feel frustrated and lost, simply remember your purpose. Remember that you didn’t come here to shrink down into what someone else wants you to become. You came here to shine brightly and make an impact on this world.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Things A Grieving Person Needs To Hear

September 21, 2016 by Sarah Barkley

Grief is an uncomfortable emotion and not knowing what to say is very common, but there are at least ten things that a grieving person wishes you would say. Grief can look different depending on the circumstances. The grieving person may be dealing with the significant illness of a loved one who is still living or the sudden loss of a child. How can we best help our loved ones at a time like this?

10 Things to Say To A Grieving Person

Depending on how much time has passed since the sad event that changed their life, it can be challenging to know what a grieving person wishes you would say. Rather than say something that feels awkward to us, we sometimes don’t say anything. That can be the worst thing you could do for a grieving person.

1. I cannot possibly know the pain that you’re experiencing.

And you can’t because each person grieves individually and in different ways. Their experience of the loss is different from your own. Don’t try to compare.

2. Crying is perfectly normal, and this is a safe place to do it.

Make your friend feel comfortable with tears. Often, people feel embarrassed about crying in front of other people, so they hide their tears or ask you to leave so they can cry privately. Let them know that you’re comfortable with tears and there is no judgment.

3. Crying is perfectly healthy, and this is a safe place to do it.

In his book, The Nature of Grief: The Evolution and Psychology of Reactions to Loss, author John Archer says crying is cathartic, and it may serve several healthy purposes for us as we heal. Crying is an emotional release of overwhelming sadness in the body. Crying is an emotional outburst, and it can be a social tool, as in a cry for help from the bereaved. We are rarely processing thoughts as we weep but are just allowing the emotion to flow out of us in waves like a river flowing to the ocean.

4. You don’t have to talk about your emotions.

The grieving person isn’t always willing or able to talk about the loss. A grieving person wishes you would let them know that you have no expectations for their willingness to talk about it with you. If they do, great, you’ll be there for them, and if not, you’re not going anywhere.

5. I would love to see you again tomorrow. Is after 10:00 going to be ok?

In the worst of it, someone grieving a deep depression will not be able to help themselves see any positives. Forcing the issue of breaking their social isolation is the best thing, to at least try, for a grieving person.

6. Remind them of a happy shared experience.

Nothing can remove the grief that a person is experiencing, but you can help minimize it by incorporating joyful memories. ‘Did I tell you about when I spilled my latte all over myself just as Willie Nelson was opening the door for me at Starbucks?’

7. What did you like to do in art class when you were in school?

This may seem like a strange question, but there’s a reason for it. Researchers have found that artistic expression is an effective way of dealing with grief. Researchers looked at cancer patients who were going through coping after receiving a cancer diagnosis. Although a diagnosis with cancer is not the same as having a loved one pass away, both a grieving person and a person diagnosed with cancer start the grieving process in basically the same ways.

The researchers say, ‘The objectives of art therapy are to use the creative process to allow awareness and expression of an individual’s deepest emotions. These emotions may be about the illness, hospitalization, relationships, or other concerns for people with cancer. These emotions’ meaning and power are often not easily articulated using verbal communication. The art itself provides a vehicle for expression, aided by the actual physical movement of artistic materials.’ Art therapy reduced symptoms of depression, anxiety, and tiredness, as well as improved appetite and feelings of well-being.

8. Did I tell you about _____?

Sometimes grief makes us feel socially awkward around a person like we aren’t sure what to say to them as if something will offend them. The best thing you can do is act normal and talk about the same things you would usually talk about anyway.

9. Because this cannot be easy for you, I would like to help in this (specific) way.

Make a suggestion. Offer to prepare meals for their family for the next three nights. Offer to include them with your family meal out on the town. Bring over your favorite movies to watch together.

10. I would love to invite you to come to ____ next week.

Giving a grieving person time and space to get the majority of the initial loss and sadness out of their system, but committing to get them away from any self-imposed confinement during the grieving process and into a supportive social atmosphere. Excluding a grieving person from social events is cruel to them, no matter your intentions toward your guests about avoiding awkwardness.

11. I’m sorry that you’re suffering right now.

Many people want to convince a grieving person that the situation is for the best. However, that’s not the right thing to say to a suffering person. It’s a personal and confusing time for them, and they’re hurting no matter what.

If the grieving person lost a loved one to death, you might want to say that their person is in a better place. However, you never know what they believe in, and even if they do believe in a better place, it doesn’t mean their pain is any less.

Play it safe and tell them that you’re sorry they’re suffering right now. No matter the situation, the person is in pain, and you don’t want to diminish their feelings.

12. I know how much you loved them.

The loss of a loved one is painful, and brushing the feelings aside is dismissive. Instead, point out that you know they loved the person they lost. When you say things like this, it validates their feelings and helps them see that you recognize their pain.

This phrase also shows that you are comfortable with their feelings on the topic. Some people try to hide their feelings for the sake of others, but it’s best when they know they can be honest with you.

13. I don’t have the right words to say, but know that I care.

Be authentic when you talk to someone going through grief. Please don’t pretend to know what they’re going through or that you have the right words. Instead, be honest that you don’t know what to say, but let them know that you care about them so much.

If you don’t know what to say but try to say something anyway, it doesn’t always go well. You might unintentionally minimize the other person’s loss or provide unhelpful solutions. It’s best to admit you don’t know what to say and spend your time listening.

As long as they know you’re there for them, they won’t care if you know what to say. The person doesn’t expect you to have the answers or make all of their pain disappear. However, they will notice if you say things you don’t mean.

14. I am here for you to lean on, and I have a heart open to listening.

It’s hard to know what someone needs, but you can be sure that they need someone to listen with an open heart. Research shows that people can recover from grief with social support.

All that they know is to know someone is there to listen or sit with them. Express your concerns without minimizing or invalidating their feelings, but let them know that you are there for them.

15. Let me know what I can do for you.

Offering your support to a grieving person is one of the best things you can say. All that you have to do is ask what you can do to help and support them. Sometimes they only need a presence as they work through their grief.

Other times they’ll have specific tasks they need your help with. It’s always nice to offer support in a specific way, but when that’s not possible, tell them you’re available when a need arises.

16. It takes time to ease your pain, and I’ll be here.

When figuring out what to say, please don’t imply that time will eliminate their pain. They’ll likely always have painful feelings surrounding their grief, but it will ease. This phrase lets them know that you don’t expect them to feel okay anytime soon and that it’s okay.

Let the person know that you’ll be there through it all, no matter how long it takes. Research shows that grief doesn’t follow the same patterns in every person or take the same amount of time. Please don’t put a time limit on their suffering, or it’ll make them feel like you don’t support them.

17. I am here for you whenever you’re ready to talk.

When you put it this way, it lets the person know that it doesn’t matter how long it takes for them to be ready. It could be years before they’re prepared to talk about what happened, but they’ll find comfort knowing you’re there. Please don’t talk about your experiences with grief while waiting for them to talk, either.

Once they’re ready to talk, maintain eye contact and listen with judgment. Don’t think about what to say in response, but paraphrase what they said and ask questions for clarity. It’ll show that you are actively listening, encouraging them to continue talking.

If they aren’t ready to talk yet, stay there to keep them company. Your support will mean so much to them and help them get ready to talk about the situation.

18. I’m coming over to keep you company.

Don’t wait for an invitation when you know someone is suffering. The person might not feel comfortable asking you to come over or realize that it’ll help them. Instead, tell them that you’re coming without giving an option.

They’ll be thankful you did because it’ll make them feel much better. Having someone to sit with is one of the best ways to cope with grief.

You don’t have to talk while you’re there unless they want to. The person might not be in the mood to speak yet, so don’t force them, and they’ll appreciate the company.

19. How do you feel right now?

When experiencing grief, a person’s feelings can change by the minute. Asking how they feel right now lets them know that you recognize that emotions can change quickly and frequently. They’ll be relieved that you don’t assume to know how they feel at any moment.

Grief is an individual experience, and the process differs for everyone. Let the person know that they can feel however they want to when you’re around.

Don’t judge, and allow them to be angry, heartbroken, or any other emotion. If the person shares their feelings with you, don’t try to soothe them or change their mind. Instead, allow them to let it all out.

20. It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling.

This phrase lets the person know that you’re there to support them, no matter how they feel. It shows that you’re a safe person who won’t judge their grieving process.

Validate their feelings by normalizing the emotions and helping the person feel less alone. Experts say that people shouldn’t feel wrong about their feelings during the grieving process. Ensure that the person you’re talking to knows it’s okay no matter what emotion they experience.

You want the person to know that they don’t have to hide how they feel when you’re around. They can be what they need to be without someone judging them or giving unsolicited advice.

21. I know that this is a fight for you.

No matter what a person is going through, they’re struggling each day. You can’t make their pain disappear, but you can tell them you know it’s a fight. Your acknowledgment will mean more to them than false hope, and it’ll help normalize their feelings.

22. I’d love to hear about your loved one.

When someone loses a loved one, don’t think they don’t want to talk about their loss. The person might want to talk about the person they lost, so let them know you want to hear it.

Sometimes they’ll tell the same stories repeatedly, and that’s okay. Be patient, and allow them to process and accept the situation however they need to. Providing them a listening ear for their stories and memories can help them heal.

23. I know it’s hard for you to keep being strong.

When you don’t know what to say, please acknowledge that you know it’s hard to be strong during a hard time. Don’t tell the person that they are strong, or it implies that they always have to put up a front.

Instead, let them know that it’s okay if it’s a struggle for them. Grief is intense, and this statement takes away some of the pressure.

24. My favorite memory of them is…

When someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, you might be hesitant to mention the deceased. However, most people will find comfort in hearing stories about their loved ones.

Even if you only have one or two memories, tell the story anyway. They will enjoy having a comforting space to talk about their loved one and can find peace knowing they are remembered. It also gives them a perspective they wouldn’t have had otherwise.

25. Don’t Say Anything

Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all. When this is the case, consider physical touch to comfort the grieving person. A hug or touch on the shoulder can mean so much to someone suffering.

If the person wants to talk, be the listener that they need. However, don’t push them to talk about it, but sit in comfortable silence when that occurs, instead. They still want and need the company, so don’t judge, give advice, or ramble during this time.

Final Thoughts on Helping a Grieving Person

When you reach out to a grieving person, you might not know what to say. Acknowledge their grief and avoid invalidating their feelings. Don’t offer unsolicited advice, either, as everyone’s situation is different.

Be supportive of the grieving person and follow their lead. Use these phrases to help you express your concern while acknowledging their grief. Your presence will help them, especially if they know you aren’t judging their process.

7 Signs Someone Is Emotionally Unavailable

September 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

When you get in a relationship with someone you really like, you want to give everything you have in the relationship, and expect your partner to do the same. However, when one partner keeps their emotions under wraps and doesn’t feel comfortable sharing them (much less care about your emotions), you will get hurt quickly in the relationship. It takes two people to have a healthy, happy relationship, and when one doesn’t open up their heart entirely to their partner, the other will inevitably feel betrayed and confused.

If you suspect someone you know is emotionally unavailable, but aren’t sure, these signs will clear it up for you.

HERE ARE 7 SIGNS SOMEONE IS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE:

1. YOU CAN’T READ THEM CLEARLY.

An emotionally unavailable person will try to confuse you to death with mixed messages – one day, they want to commit to you, and the next, they don’t even want a relationship. Or, in regards to friendship, the friend may ask you questions about yourself, but don’t want to reveal much about themselves. One minute, they seem to want a deeper connection, and the next, they run away from the vulnerability of the situation. You can’t get a clear feel for their intentions, but you know you feel confused and frustrated. An emotionally available person will tell you their intentions upfront and stick to them.

The person may come on strong at first, only to quickly back away, leaving you hanging.

2. THEY ALREADY HAVE A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.

If you are interested in someone who already has a partner, listen up. You don’t want to continue a relationship with this person, as they’ll end up hurting you in the end. Of course, if you don’t want a serious relationship, and feel comfortable with open relationships, then this could work out fine. It just depends on what you want in a relationship. However, someone with multiple partners likely has vulnerability issues, since they can’t commit to just one person. They don’t want to invest in any one person in case it gets too serious.

3. AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PERSON WILL NEVER CONSIDER YOUR FEELINGS.

This person likely never asks how you feel, and instead only considers their desires. They could care less about what you want, and care all about what they want. The world revolves around them in their eyes, so they don’t pay much attention to how you feel. Every decision they make only puts them higher on the totem pole, and they don’t care who they leave behind. You likely have an emotionally unavailable partner if this sounds like your relationship.

4. THEY DON’T WANT TO KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU.

An emotionally unavailable person sees people as objects and tries manipulating them to benefit themselves. They see everyone as a potential pawn in their game. Furthermore, they will play with people’s heads to move them in their desired direction. They are master manipulators and are champions of their own game. They will only show interest in the sexual side of the relationship. However, they won’t attempt to connect further with anyone. As a friend, they will show little interest in getting to know you, and instead, talk about base-level things with you.

They likely had an emotionally or physically abusive person in their lives as childhood, so in turn, they feel scared to open up to anyone. They may have had emotionally abusive parents or had a physically abusive boyfriend or girlfriend at a young age. A lifelong study of people in England, Scotland, and Wales found that people who felt their parents were overly controlling or encouraged dependence had lower happiness levels and overall well-being later in life. So, if you have an emotionally unavailable partner or friend, their past could reveal a lot of answers about their current behavior.

5. YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMETHING’S MISSING WITH THEM.

You always want them to do or say a little more, but they never do. There’s a particular element of mystery and frustration that looms in the air in your relationship, and you feel like all signs point to them. You can’t figure them out, and they don’t allow you to try. They shut you out just as you feel you’re getting close to them because they fear emotional intimacy with anyone.

6. THEY DON’T LIKE TALKING IN PERSON.

An emotionally unavailable person will engage in several behaviors pointing to their fear of emotional commitment. They will avoid eye contact when you do talk in person, but most of the time, they prefer texting, emailing, or talking on the phone. Why? Well, technology makes them feel safer. They have a virtual barrier between them and the other person. Thus, they don’t have to open up as much. They can send Emojis if they feel like showing any type of emotion at all. Furthermore, they will continue to make excuses as to why they can’t meet up with you. They have difficulty leaving their comfort zone and will do anything to avoid face-to-face interactions.

7. THEY WILL SEEM COLD, UNFEELING, AND DISTANT.

Your emotionally unavailable partner or friend will keep you at arm’s length simply because they’ve been taught not to trust people. From an early age, the people they wanted to trust the most let them down, so they’ve known nothing but betrayal and hurt. They just can’t fully give themselves to another, or show that they actually care about you. So, they put up walls as a way to keep themselves from getting hurt, because they can’t take that kind of pain again.

This doesn’t give them an excuse, but if you notice this sign from your partner, then you likely have someone who isn’t emotionally available.

HOW DO YOU HELP AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PERSON?

Helping an emotionally unavailable person open up to you can be a difficult task, especially when it is a romantic partner. However, it is very important, for the health of the relationship, to continue to show that you are still emotionally available to that person. The emotional unavailability normally stems from fear or distrust, as we have learned from the seven signs of emotionally unavailable people. The best way to break down barriers is through love and service. Have a goal to find three ways to serve your partner every day.

If you continue to show unconditional love and support to your partner, trust will begin to build. Your emotionally unavailable partner or friend will begin to be more clear in expressing their feelings. They will be more caring toward your feelings and about who you are. Your partner will feel safe committing to a long-term relationship.

What The White Spots On Your Fingernails Reveal About Your Health

September 18, 2016 by Chris Butler

Having white spots on your fingernails could mean one of many possible health concerns. This article will look at the possible causes of white fingernail spots and if you need to talk to your medical professional about your symptoms.

The fingernail acts like a protective shield over the tip of the fingernail and its sensitive nerve endings. You can get white spots on your fingernails anywhere on the nail. The nail root is near your cuticle curve, where the new nail grows from. The nail plate is the part of the nail that you can see the most of. The curved length of the nail. The nail bed is the active part that has blood vessels underneath the nail plate. The nail bed gives the nail plate its usual pink color unless you get white spots on your nail plate.

Here’s What Those White Spots On Your Fingernails Reveal About Your Health

Dr. Mercola says ‘The shape, texture, and color of your natural nails act as a window into your body, and while some nail symptoms are harmless, others can be indicative of chronic diseases, including cancer. As noted by the American Academy of Dermatology.’

One possible cause of white spots on your nail is that you usually know yourself. For example, damage to your fingernail bed from getting your finger pinched in a door. These white spots often appear within 24-48 hours after the nail bed is damaged but can last for up to three months while the damaged nail grows out.

Let’s look at the reasons, other than damage, for the white spots on your fingernails. Then, we’ll see what they reveal about your health.

What are those white spots on your fingernails?

Leukonychia is what the white spots on your nails are called by medical professionals. What you might call them is annoying because of how they look and how long they take to grow out. Damage, nutrient deficiencies, and a severe illness are possible reasons for white spots. Read on to learn more about what those white spots on your fingernails mean for your overall health.

Possible nutrient deficiencies

A nutrient deficiency in zinc can cause the nail bed to become pitted. Sometimes these pits are deep enough to appear as white spots on or under the fingernail. Eat pumpkin or squash seeds, spinach, wheat germ, nuts, and beans to get more zinc in your diet. This dietary change will help improve the health of the new nail growth from the nail bed.

Zinc doesn’t get the credit it deserves. Researchers at the Department of Pharmaceutical Sciences of the Coimbatore Medical College in India said:

“Zinc is found in over 200 enzymes and hormones in mankind. It is a natural element found in all plants and animals, and is widely available in over-the-counter vitamin supplements. Zinc is essential to life. It is a natural element found in all plants and animals and plays a crucial part in the health of our skin, teeth, bones, hair, nails, muscles, nerves and brain function. Zinc is essential for growth. It is used to control the enzymes that operate and renew the cells in our bodies.”

Dr. Mercola also says about the importance of zinc for nail health that:

“Healthy sources of protein, like whey protein, are important (zinc is necessary for making proteins like those found in your nails). Antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals found in leafy greens, berries, and other whole foods will also benefit your nail health. Biotin, vitamin B7, is one example.”

Illnesses that are revealed by white spots on your fingernails

Selenium poisoning could result in brittle nails with white spots, although this is not common. However, there were numerous cases of selenium toxicity reported in China. The livestock had been affected by high selenium in their food, which was then a health problem for those who ate the affected animals.

Toxic selenium poisoning can result in the total loss of the fingernail. Other symptoms include hair loss, tooth decay, sores on hands and feet, numbness, and tingling in extremities. If you are concerned about these symptoms, see a medical professional for testing.

Other serious illnesses can mark your fingernails with white spots, and they act like the rings of the inside of a tree as they move along the nail bed over time. For example, scarlet fever or a severe case of pneumonia will have the effect of damaging the nail bed with a white ridge. Avoiding injuries to your fingertips and fingernails, maintaining proper dietary nutrition, and getting regular health checkups should help you prevent white spots on your nails.

11 Things to restore healthy fingernails

Do you have unhealthy hands? Here are some ways to restore them to good health.

1 – Keep your nails clean and dry

Keeping your fingernails clean prevents bacteria from growing under your nails. Molds or yeast cause fungal infections. Germs enter your nails through cracks in your nails or the surrounding areas.

2 – Trim your nails properly

Use sharp nail clippers or manicure scissors to trim your nails. Please make sure they are clean. Trim your fingernails straight, then round them off into a curved shape. It’s best to cut your fingernails after a shower or bath. Or you can soak your fingers in slightly warm water for several minutes to soften them.

3 – Resist biting your fingernails

Biting your nails or picking your cuticles cause damage to your fingernails. Nail-biting allows bacteria and fungus infections around your nails. Constant nail biting can damage the tissue around your nail and even damage the roots of your teeth. In severe cases, nail biting damages the nail bed so severely that it causes the disappearance of your nails.

4 – Never rip off your hangnails

Hangnails are jagged pieces of skin that stick out from the sides of your fingernails. They are highly irritating to look at and sometimes painful. Hangnails are caused by

Alcohol infused hand sanitizers
Dry air
Constant hand washing
Nail-biting
Picking off hangnails

If you want to remove a hangnail, clip them off with manicure scissors or nail clippers.

5 – Limit harsh nail care products

Abrasive emery boards, acetone nail polish remover, and other harsh nail products damage your fingernails, causing them to split easily and break. These products can strip your nails, making them weak. Many powerful nail products, even those that say they’re natural, contain dangerous chemicals such as

Formaldehyde resin
Dibutyl phthalate
Toluene

These toxic chemicals get absorbed into your body, causing contact dermatitis and sometimes even cancer.

6 – Wear dishwashing gloves

If you wash dishes in soapy, hot water, it can weaken your nails. Use protective dishwashing gloves to prevent damage to your fingernails. Wearing dishwashing gloves has several benefits, including

Protects your fingernails: Gloves keep your nails snagging and tearing while washing your dishes.
Better grip: Gloves keep you from dropping a dish that could break and cut your fingers.
Protects your skin: Hot water and cleaning chemicals dry out your hands. Gloves keep your skin dry and protected.

7 – Inspect your nails

Don’t ignore nail problems like splits, tears, or strange coloration under nails. These are all signs your nails aren’t healthy. Discoloration under your pin could be a sign of a nail fungus or cancer. Keep an eye out for infection. Symptoms include:

Redness
Swelling
Pain
Drainage

Make an appointment with your dermatologist if you notice any of these. You don’t want to cause long-term damage to your nails.

8 – Use a moisturizer

You may use moisturizing lotion on your hands, but your fingernails and cuticles need moisture. It could help your nails grow better, and your cuticles look better when you hydrate them. Moisture can reduce cracks, chips, and spits in your nails.

9 – Try biotin

Biotin is a natural supplement that strengthens your nails. You can buy biotin supplements at most grocery stores, but you can also eat foods rich in biotin to restore healthy fingernails. Foods high in biotin include:

Eggs
Fish
Organs meat
Nuts
Seeds
Sweet potatoes
Beans, lentils, and peas
Mushrooms
Bananas
Broccoli

Biotin can help you avoid brittle, broken nails that break easily.

11 – Choose a professional nail salon

A manicure is a fun way to keep your nails looking good. Although it’s not healthy to get a manicure too often, when you do, be sure you visit a professional nail salon. Stick to a nail salon that displays their state license and has qualified technicians. Steer clear of cuticle removal, as this can lead to infection. Check if the technicians sterilize their tools and if the foot baths look clean. They should use a bleach solution between clients. If the salon looks dirty or ill-kept, find another nail salon with better hygiene practices.

11. Limit your manicures

Manicures are lovely, but they expose you to chemicals and harsh ingredients that can damage your fingernails. Specific nail treatments are especially harmful to your nails.

Gel nails

Gel nail polish is painted on your fingernails and cured under a special lamp. This nail polish lasts longer than regular nail polish, making it popular for special occasions when you want your nails to look good for several weeks. The downside is the UV light you’re exposed to during the curing. These lamps emit ultraviolet light that can damage the cellular makeup of your nails and hands. This puts you at risk for skin cancer on your hands and under your nails. Wearing gel nails for too long can cause brittle nails.

Before getting your gel manicure, apply sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30 to your hands and the areas around your nails. Sunscreen will protect your hands and nails from premature aging because of exposure to the UVA rays in the lights they use to cure the gel nail polish.

Powder dip polish:

This type of manicure uses a bonding polish painted on your nails. You dip your nails into a fine powder, so it adheres to your nails. Lastly, an activator is applied. This creates a strong bond similar to a hard shell. Powder dips polish lasts a long time. The downside is the jars with fine powders used on multiple clients. This shared container puts you at risk of exposure to bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Removing the powder dip polish involves using an electric file that can damage your cuticle and nail plate.

Final Thoughts on What Your Fingernails Reveal About Your Health

Your fingernails are a window into your health. They reveal poor eating, damage, infection, and even severe disease. Nail care seems simple enough, but it’s easy to overlook your fingernails. Daily maintenance of your fingernails includes applying a moisturizing lotion, eating foods rich in biotin, and wearing dishwashing gloves. These practices keep your nails looking their best. Choose a professional salon that practices good hygiene to avoid bacterial infections, viruses, or fungal infections if you enjoy manicures.

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