Inspiration to your inbox

High-Risk Relationships: How to Tell If You’re In One

A high-risk relationship is one where the potential of a breakup is more likely.  Sometimes we get a gut feeling that a relationship is on rocky ground. Trusting your gut about a likely breakup is probably wise if your relationship shows any of these 5 signs.

5 Signs You’re In A High-Risk Relationship

1. There is a lack of intimacy

Regardless of whether or not you are having sex, a lack of intimacy implies so much more. A lack of intimacy can be a lack of open, trusting communication about feelings. And if one partner is hiding something, even a feeling, from the other partner, there is a type of breach of trust between the two. Concealing feelings from each other is like a breakdown in the trust that you have, which makes it less likely that your partner will want to open up to you sexually either.

2. Your partner doesn’t show an interest in you

‘How was your day?’ is either never asked, or asked and then your response is barely heard. Does your partner even care what you do all day? If your partner doesn’t even seem to care enough to want to know about your day, how could they possibly hope to know what secret dreams lie buried in your heart? This is a high-risk relationship whenever one partner is focusing only on themselves and their own needs, not on their partner’s.

The need to communicate about feelings is stereotypically more a woman’s realm, however, communication in general is important to meet the social connection needs of each partner. Bonding with your partner happens over shared moments. While this doesn’t have to always involve talking to each other, it usually does. Shared jokes, sharing the positive parts of your day, sharing information about other people in your social circles creates a lifetime of shared experiences that reduces the risk of breakup in a relationship.

3. You’ve already had one breakup

Couples counselors say that it is unlikely that a couple that has split and reunited will stay together for the long-term. The reason for this is that there is a breach to heal that can become a point of resentment for the partners. The partner who was dumped is resentful of the one who did the dumping and fearful that they may get their heart broken again. These emotional wounds are difficult to heal.

Also, with a previous breakup, the partner who did the breaking up clearly had a gut feeling that something was wrong and chose to leave. If that gut feeling is telling you or your partner that something is wrong, getting back together without fixing the underlying problem first is unlikely to make for a happy ending.

4. You had a negative childhood experience with love

Unfortunately, not getting enough love as a child might have left you an insecure adult. This childhood insecurity is a factor for a high-risk relationship because you are still seeking the love that you never got from a caregiver from your current romantic partner. Your partner can’t live up to your expectations, so the relationship is doomed to failure.

Related article: 5 Differences Between ‘Being’ With Your Partner And Actually Choosing Them

Researchers in the journal Attachment & Human Relationships studied young adults and their romantic relationships. They say ‘Young adults who experienced a secure relationship with their primary caregiver were more likely to (a) produce coherent discourse regarding their current romantic partnership in the context of the Current Relationship Interview (CRI) and (b) have a higher quality romantic relationship as observed in standard conflict and collaboration tasks. Infant security accounted for variation in CRI security above and beyond the observed quality of participants’ current romantic relationship.’

5. Low level of commitment

Partners who don’t feel invested in the relationship are more likely to break things off. Having children together, for example, will often keep a high-risk relationship together due to the time, emotional, genetic, and financial investments that each partner has contributed to raising their kids. The same might be true for a couple who has a home, built a business together, or who have spent many years growing their marriage or partnership. Without these high levels of commitment, the couple is likely in a high-risk relationship.

Related article: 6 Behaviors That End Relationships

In a study of romantic relationship breakups, researchers could predict which couples would break up based on how much ‘commitment, love, and inclusion of other in the concept of the self’ were present in the relationship. Other signs that contributed to a high-risk relationship were low relationship satisfaction, perceptions of available alternative romantic partners, and level of investment in the relationship were also predictors of breakup, but to a lesser extent. The research also found that social network support was also a strong predictor of relationship strength.

Studies Reveal How Your Body Image Affects Your Weight

Having a negative body image is bad for your mental state, and it’s possible that it can actually make you gain weight. Our minds have more power than we often allow ourselves to recognize, and these negative thoughts can sometimes materialize into what we don’t want, rather than the healthy bodies that we do want.

Why Your Body Image Can Affect Your Weight

Let’s look at some of the scientific research behind a negative body image and the connection to weight changes. Also, we will discuss ways to change a negative body image into a healthy one to reverse the process of weight gain.

Body image research and weight gain

Researchers at the Department of Health Education at Indiana University-Purdue University studied obesity in teenage girls and their body images to try to understand the causes of weight gain. They found that overweight female adolescents seem to suffer from low self-esteem and their low self-esteem may be explained by having a poor body image.

14203373_10153784647502371_483082329811985825_n

So low-self esteem may cause people to have a poor body image or vice versa. Having low self-esteem is a combination of negative thoughts that you believe about yourself. For example, if you believe the negative thought ‘I am so fat’ about yourself, then you see yourself as a fat person and may eat fattening foods because this is what you have learned to believe about yourself.

The Department of Epidemiology & Public Health, and the Cancer Research UK Health Behavior Unit at University College London studied international perceptions of body image and weight issues. In their research, they say ‘Historically, perceived overweight and the drive for weight control have often been characterized as irrational and hazardous, especially for young women, who are viewed as pursuing absurdly thin ideal weights and risking their physical and mental health.’ The researchers are particularly concerned with the perceptions of teens and young adults who they say are at higher risk times for body image problems and eating disorders.

The researchers wondered if body image was similar for other countries and found that body image concerns were an international problem. They also found that ‘women were more likely to perceive themselves as overweight than men, and much more likely to report trying to lose weight.’

Almost 45% of women see themselves as overweight in most of the participating countries and over 50% said that they were trying to lose weight. The scientists say that for women, body image is more of a driving factor for making a decision to try to loose weight than it is for men because for women, ‘trying to lose weight is not motivated solely by feeling overweight.’

In the study, men were less likely to report feeling overweight (25%), and even fewer were trying to lose weight (21%). The researchers say ‘This gender difference is strikingly consistent across all of the countries in the sample, indicating common cultural pressures either for over-concern among women or under-concern among men.’

How to change your body image to prevent gaining weight

As we already mentioned, part of your self-perception is your body image. If you see your body image as fat or overweight, it can distort your feelings about yourself and that might cause you to believe that you are the kind of person who eats fattening food.

It is possible that cognitive behavioral therapy can help those with a poor body image to rethink their negative thoughts about their bodies and change their self-esteem and eating behavior as a result. The Purdue University researchers also say ‘Efforts should be directed toward encouraging and supporting healthy eating patterns and physical activity while encouraging students to recognize personal strengths not related to physique.’

Related article: 6 Ways to Turn On Your Weight Loss Hormones

In cognitive behavioral therapy, you first identify the negative thoughts that you believe about your body image that actually may be making you gain weight. For an exercise in cognitive therapy, think about how you feel about your body when you see yourself in a full-length mirror. What are some things that you believe about your body? What do you tell yourself that you dislike about what you see in the mirror?

Now that you have identified these negative thoughts, question their truth or falseness. For example, if you said, ‘My belly is so fat,’ ask yourself why you believe this. Are there people who have larger stomachs than you do? Is your belly working to digest your food and nourish your body? Where did you learn that your belly was unloveable?

Related article: Here’s How Fasting Helps You Lose Weight, Rebuild, and Strengthen Your Body

Finally, change your negative self-talk about your body to positive self-talk. For example you might say ‘I love my body unconditionally,’ ‘This belly is perfect just as it is,’ and ‘I only feed my body healthy, quality food so I can be a healthy weight.’

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Thoughts That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

You have incredible potential for success today and every day. But something might be holding you back from doing just that. In this article, we will look at five possible thought-based habits that are holding you back from finding success and how to overcome each of them so you can reach your destiny.

5 Thought Patterns  That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

We all have a dream, and sometimes it seems so out of reach that we give up trying. But, you can reach your dream and we will help you do that by removing the things holding you back. According to Dr. Wayne Sotile, founder of the Center for Physician Resilience in Davidson, North Carolina, and author of Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back, being able to assess yourself honestly is crucial to let go of what is holding you back.

12036514_10153052001762371_2466787456778477054_n

You will need to take a serious, objective look at your life and be willing to admit that you are playing a role in keeping yourself from being successful. Once you can admit that you are partly at fault for not accomplishing all that you are capable of, you’ll be on your way to killing it and checking things off your wish/bucket/dream list.

1. Fear of failure

Think about a time when you fell flat on your face in failure. Think about the emotions you felt; shame, frustration, disappointment, etc. These emotions are now blocking you from trying again. The negative emotional response to failure is one that we remember, and we do not want to experience that again. This experience creates an aversion to trying in the future because we fear these same negative emotions.

2. Fear of success

Although this seems counterintuitive, some people fear success as much as failure. The reason could be that being successful changes your image of yourself, and change can be scary. For example, if someone is working on writing a book and they become a published and acclaimed author, they may now feel pressure to continue producing great writing. The pressure that they imagine will come as a result of their success is one thing that will hold them back from being successful.

3. Being distracted from your priorities

Dr. Sotile says that we spend too much time on things that are not getting us where we want to go, and overcoming this is a matter of focusing on the bigger picture and dedicating more time to that goal. Dr. Sotile suggests that at least 20% of your day should be focused on the most meaningful aspect of your work. This helps you build positive feelings about your efforts, reinforcing you to want to do even more of that type of work.

4. Fear of uncertainty

There are a lot of ‘what ifs’ involved in being amazing. What if people don’t like me for being amazing? What if other people don’t recognize my talent? Will I offend people with my ideas? We’ve already covered the ‘What if I fail?’ and ‘What if I succeed?’ questions so this category of what is holding you back covers everything else you’re worried about.

It’s going to be hard to be successful if you are worried about what other people will think of you. People will always have an opinion, but you can’t allow that to stand in your way when you have a dream to accomplish before your time on Earth ends. You don’t want to be on your deathbed saying, ‘At least I didn’t offend anyone.’

Instead, focus on your faith in what you feel compelled to accomplish. There is a reason you have the desire to do it. Block out the rest and go find success.

Related article: 5 Ways To Get Out of A Bad Mood In Less Than 5 Minutes

5. Inactivity

Let’s face it. It’s hard to be successful while sitting on your butt on the couch in front of the TV. Very few accomplishments have been done from this position, so it’s important to keep from holding yourself back by getting up and moving. Taking a single step in the direction of your dreams creates a forward momentum that propels you toward finding success.

One example of a thing that is holding you back, is your lack of action to prevent disease and get healthy. Researchers in the North Carolina Medical Journal looked at workplace health promotion programs. They say, ‘Preventable illnesses make up approximately 70% of the total burden of disease and their associated costs. Half of all deaths in the United States are caused by modifiable behavioral risk factors and behavior patterns.

You can find success by only starting ONE of these things at a time. It’s a process, but please believe that we have just as much faith that YOU CAN…

Psychologists Reveal The 4 Main Elements That Determine Your Personality

You have a unique and memorable personality that belongs only to you. However, you might be surprised to learn that only four main elements determine how you became your unique self. You are just beginning to learn about the world when you are born, and you rarely think ‘Who am I?’ until you are a little older. Around the ages of the terrible twos, we begin to understand ourselves as separate from our parents, and we begin to reveal our personalities.

Psychologists Reveal The Four Main Elements That Determine Your Personality

Between the ages of 2 to 6, we develop our unique sense of self. It is then that these four main elements of personality begin to take shape and help us become who we are meant to be. However, not all of our personality development takes place in our childhood. So we will look at the main elements that form our early and later personalities.

personality meme

1. Your genetic makeup

Your biological genetics are one main element that determines about 40% of the makeup of your personality. The genes passed down to you by your mother and father are the part that you have no control over. But don’t feel like you can’t change negative personality traits if you want to. The whole field of psychology helps people change themselves for the better.

So if you are born with an angry and aggressive personality, does that mean you’ll never be able to change? The short answer is no. Personality is not a constant throughout your lifetime. Researchers looked at the stability of personality traits from childhood to old age and found that while only about 30% of personality traits are stable during childhood years, this increases to 54% during college years and up to 74% between the ages of 50 and 70.

2. Your environment

The environment contributing to your personality can include where you live, cultural and spiritual influences, economic security, family, friends, and work experiences. Your social experiences help shape your personality because they help you learn what different looks like. In other words, you may see someone who is selfish or angry. In contrast, you recognize that you are generous and calm.

Researchers at King’s College London and the University of Wisconsin, and the University of Illinois at Urbana studied the workplace experiences of young adults and how these experiences helped shape their personalities. They found that ‘measures of personality taken at age 18 predicted both objective and subjective work experiences at age 26.’ In other words, scientists could predict if a person would like a job or not based on their personality and the type of career field that they chose. The research also found that work experiences were related to changes in personality traits from age 18 to 26.

Also interesting from this research, the personality traits that caused people to choose particular careers were also the same traits that changed in response to those work experiences.

3. Shared family personality

Even identical twins only share about 50% of their personality traits. They may look the same, but they act like two different people. Fraternal twins only share about 30% of their personality traits, and siblings are usually only 20% similar in personality. If you have non-genetically related family members in the same household, for example, step-brothers or adopted siblings, you only share about 7% of your personality traits.

Your family may develop traditions that you carry on. For example, charitable giving or volunteerism helps you determine the element of generosity for your personality. Similarly, your family may have a tradition of being conservative, and these values have been passed down to you. As a result, you may be a quiet personality type or have a lower comfort level for risk and change.

4. Life experiences

Traumatic experiences early on in childhood, or even developing a personality in your teen years, can impact your character. We create fears early in life, and these are sustained until they are disproven by our experiences. For example, if you are afraid of spiders but then have a good experience with someone’s pet tarantula, you may change your mind about them.

The traits of introvertedness or extrovertedness are determined early in life by interpreting feedback from peers. If we are ridiculed for our attempts to make friends, we may become more introverted. Similarly, if we are rewarded with smiles, hugs, and offers to share and play when we try to make friends, we may become extroverts because we gravitate toward the rewards of friendship.

9 Less Significant Things That Influence Your Personality

personality

1. Your parents

If you had authoritative parents who were firm but forgiving, you probably feel capable and happy. Parents who are more permissive raise kids who feel less comfortable and can’t self-regulate their lives. These kids are more likely to do poorly in school and have problems with authority. So, if your parents were strict but kind to you, there is a good chance it has affected who you are as a person.

2. Your family

The first influence in your life is your family. Your home atmosphere, the number of siblings you had, and your parent’s behavior towards you all influence your personality. These include things like

  • Economic conditions of your family
  • Social needs of the family
  • Experiences in your family as a child
  • Expectations put on you as a child

3. Schooling

The influence of your personality depends on your education and school experience. Your teacher’s personality and character affect you. Your peers’ attitudes, character, and influence will help shape who you are as an adult. So school choices make such a difference in a child’s life.

4. Culture

Even as a child, your culture will shape your values and predisposition. This is best displayed in the group you hang out with. The norms and values of the group are shared so that you get programmed to be part of the group. This may be good or bad, depending upon what kind of culture is within the group.

5. Your physique

Whether you’re tall, short, skinny, or heavy affects your personality. Biological makeup, body types, and physical appearance all influence you by giving you more or less confidence depending on how you perceive your physical features.

6. Your nervous system

Your central nervous system, including your spinal cord and brain, determines a person’s behavior. These affect how you react and adjust in varying situations.

7. Your intelligence

Individuals with different intelligence act differently in social settings. Intelligence affects how you deal with society, what habits you have, and how you adjust to situations. Understanding what’s going on around you and how to relate to it is crucial for personality development and maturity.

8. Your failures and successes

Your perception of your failures and successes is a part of who you are. Depending upon your frame of reference in your life, these things factor into how motivated or unmotivated you are as a person.

9. Your geography

Did you know that where you grow up influences your personality? Your place of birth, the lifestyle of that place, and the people in that place all affect you. It can determine your behavior and how you react to situations in your life as an adult.

your personality

Final Thoughts on Things That Shape Your Personality

These things all affect and influence your personality. Your education, life experiences, parents, and body shape are defiantly factors that can shape who you are as an adult and how you live your life.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Pick A Color To See What It Reveals About Your Personality

Your personality is complex and you are clearly more than just your favorite color, but your preference may reveal more about you than you might guess that it would. Color is used in psychological personality tests, for example the Rorschach inkblot test and the Color Pyramid Test.

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About Your Personality?

‘Buddy the Elf, What’s your favorite color?’ – Buddy the Elf

Color vision allows us to perceive a world of diversity and a wide range of colors, the enormous variety of which we cannot possibly cover in this article. However, these are the main colors that people choose when asked what their favorite color is and we will look at what each one says about your unique personality.

Color can be used to stimulate responses in people because it seems to have a biological connection for us in how we find food, water, and a healthy mate. It also has an aesthetic appeal for people in that they tend to prefer certain colors or combinations. It can also have symbolic value for us in that it can represent something that is not visible. For example in artwork, color can evoke emotions. Le’ts look at what your favorite color says about your personality.

quotes about life

Blue

Blue is the shade of water, so we are all naturally attracted to it due to our need for water to survive. For people who chose this, their personality tends to be calm, deep, pleasant, comfortable to be around, and serene.

Green

Green is the color of most of the food that we can consume on this planet, so it is the color of life. People who like green are secure, calm, comfortable, peaceful, and youthful. Pleasant and arousing, green is commonly the second most preferred after blue. Researchers studying emotional perceptions with regard to the color found that ‘women were more sensitive to brightness and saturation than men; that is, they exhibited more extreme emotional reactions to varying levels of color brightness and saturation.’

Red

Red is one of the boldest choices you can make. So if red is your favorite color, you are probably an outgoing, sensual person. Many people associate this color with sex, probably due to the flush of pink or red that our bodies get after physical exertion. People who like red are powerful, defiant, strong, and assertive bordering on aggressive in their behavior.

Black

Kids know that if you mix all paints together, you get black. So people who like black may actually like all of them. Either that or they like the absence of any visible color. Usually the personality we associate with having black as a favorite color is a dark one; goth, punk, rocker, metal, or any counter-culture group. People who like black are strong, old souls, powerful, defiant, antagonistic, masterful, intense, and often anxious.

Orange

Orange is a less common favorite, so it says that you are a personality who likes to be distinctive. This is an energetic one, so it can say that you are an active person who is physically healthy, most likely outgoing and outspoken. Orange people are happy, exciting, and stimulating.

Purple

People who prefer purple as their favorite are dignified and regal in how they carry themselves and in their actions, however, they also tend to be melancholic or unhappy. Anxiety and internalized emotional states also associate with purple.

Pink

A review of color and personality done by West Virginia University looked at the color pyramid test to show personality traits based on how subjects arrange colored chips on top of a 15 block pyramid shape. They are instructed to first make the pyramid as beautiful as possible and then to do a second arrangement of colors to make the pyramid look as ugly as possible. The researchers say that this test is very objective because subjects cannot falsify their preference for colors.

Related article: What Does Your Birthstone Reveal About Your Personality?

Pink is the one color listed here that is not used in the pyramid test, but those who prefer pink tend to be gentle, cautious but energetic, youthful in their behavior and attitudes, and physically active.

Yellow

Yellow is one of the most vibrant of the crayon box and if this is your favorite, you are not a shy person. Cheerful, jovial, joyful, exciting, outgoing, friendly, and active are all personality traits associated with having yellow as a favorite color.

Brown

If your favorite is brown, it says that your personality is very down to earth, rooted in stability and nature. You are secure and comfortable in life, and feel emotionally full. You are rarely depressed, but you can withdraw as if hibernating when upset.

Grey

The West Virginia University study says that there is strong evidence from Rorschach studies for reduced use of color by depressed individuals because the depressed patient is uninterested in the external environment. If grey is your favorite, you may tend to be melancholic in your emotional state. Other personality traits associated with grey are solemn, anxious, uncertain, withdrawn, vague, and having internalized emotions.

Related article: What Does Your Personality Color Reveal About You?

White

Contrary to popular belief, white is not the absence of color, but all of the light combined is what we see as white light. You are likely a lighthearted person who is seeking connection to other people. Other personality traits associated with white are tenderness, having a soothing personality, purity, formality, and being inspired and spiritual.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How To Avoid The Toxic Mindset of Negative People

We all know a few negative people in our lives. They never seem to be happy with where they are in life and there is always a crisis of some sort going on with them. They dismiss your ideas as unworkable or your choices as poorly thought out. After all, can’t you see all of the downsides that they see so easily? To a negative person, there are obvious pitfalls to everything. They are crippled with anxiety to the point where they never really get anything accomplished. On rare occasions when they do get something done, they immediately point out all of the flaws and mistakes in the project.

These kinds of people can be very draining to our emotional lives and can cripple our own sense of self-worth. They seem to gain pleasure in shooting holes in your ideas or whining constantly about how tough things are in their own lives. Most of the negative things in a negative person’s life are directly the result of choices the negative person has made or failed to make at the appropriate time. How can we free ourselves from people who are emotional black holes that suck in and destroy everyone close to them eventually?

Here are 6 ways to free yourself from the trap negative people try to put you in

Are you trying to release yourself from the grasp of negative thinkers? Try these techniques to break free once and for all.

types of toxic people1. Value Yourself

The first step is to recognize your own self-worth. Everyone has a unique talent or perspective, including you. You are powerful even if you don’t recognize it. Tap into that well of energy and use it to drive your ambitions. Once you realize how powerful you are, and how much you can accomplish, you will be able to ignore the negative voices in your life, even the self-generated ones.

2. Eliminate Your Own Negative Thoughts

You have to learn to identify the negative thoughts that pop up from time to time within your own mind. Once you can see those negative thoughts for what they are, you will be able to see those same thoughts in others. Then you must identify your own negative thoughts, acknowledge them for what they are and tell yourself that you do not accept that viewpoint. Once you have begun ruthlessly eliminating negative thoughts from your mental state, you can move on to the next step.

3. Cultivate a Positive Outlook

Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. If you think something like, “I could never do that,” say to yourself instead, “Screw that, I can do anything I set my mind to.” Cultivating that sort of positive outlook will wear away the negative thoughts that pop up. When negative people, including yourself, from time to time, try to push you back, then dig in your heels and push forward. Keep pushing forward – keep moving forward because that is how winning is done. Obstacles are not endpoints unless you let them be. Obstacles are there to be overcome. Figure out a way to get around, over, through, or underneath that obstacle, and keep advancing until you have achieved your objective.

“By means of personal experimentation and observation, we can discover certain simple and universal truths. The mind moves the body, and the body follows the mind. Logically then, negative thought patterns harm not only the mind but also the body. What we actually do builds up to affect the subconscious mind and in turn, affects the conscious mind and all reactions.”  H.E. Davey, Japanese Yoga: The Way of Dynamic Meditation

4. Identify negative people and their influences on your life

Now that you can identify and overcome your own negative thoughts, you can start identifying them in others. You probably already know who those influences are, but some of them can be more subtle than others. The subtle ones will cloak their negativity in concern for your welfare, career, or family. They will use your anxiety about those things as a handle to thwart your ambitions and your goals. Don’t listen to them. Move towards your goal, raise your shield and let the arrows of their negativity bounce off of that shield.

5. Remain steadfast in rejection of negative people

Once you have identified the negative influences in your life and stopped listening to them, they will start moving out of your orbit. They will get more distant from you as you stop seeking their advice, stop answering the phone when they call, or start minimizing your contact with them.

Some will let the distance grow as they have already realized their waning influence on you. Others will fight to regain their influence and use guilt or intimidation to try and bring you back into their orbit again. Most of the time it is family who fights the hardest to sink their talons back into you. So prepare to hold your ground with them and keep pushing towards your objective. Don’t let them drag you back into their black hole of negativity once you have escaped.

6. Engage with positive people

Humans are social creatures and derive a lot of our happiness from belonging to social groups. Once you have eliminated the negative people, you can fill your social circle with more positive and upbeat people. People who encourage you and support you in your actions are precious. Seek out positive people, cultivate their friendship and see how much happier you are with them.

toxic peopleFinal thoughts on breaking out of the influence of negative people.

Breaking free of the toxic thought cycle can be hard work. But, indeed, the effort is one that you must undertake. As long as you remain in the company of negative people, you will never bloom to achieve your greatest success.

Skip to content