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6 Signs You Deserve More Respect In Your Relationship (and How to Get It)

Respect is about your partner and you working together to ensure that your needs are being met. In fact, a lack of that is one of the six signs that you deserve more respect in your relationship. Part of that cooperation with your partner requires excellent communication between you and your partner to voice your needs.

6 Signs You Deserve More Respect In Your Relationship (and How to Get It)

Traditional wisdom is that women want love out of a relationship, and men want respect, but it turns out that both men and women want respect. Respect is so important to our happiness that researchers at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley, found that respect was more highly prized than money in determining happiness. Having more money didn’t make a person happy if they didn’t also have respect for their social circles.

Respect for your partner will certainly make you happier than if you don’t get the respect you deserve. You may put up with being disrespected for a while. But when you realize that you deserve to be treated equally with your mate, and if you have not been treated equally, you should work to get it with your current partner. Or, move on and find respect somewhere else. Here are six signs that you deserve more respect in your relationship.

1. Your partner doesn’t listen

Communication is a two-way street. So that means talking to express your needs and desires and listening for the unmet needs of your partner. Both of you say what you need of the other person and specific ways your partner can help you fulfill those needs. If you either can’t express your needs clearly, or your partner doesn’t give you what you need, it’s a sign that you deserve someone attentive and who will give you the respect that you deserve.

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2. Your partner keeps things from you

Researchers at Texas Tech University looked at measuring levels of respect in close relationships. They found that high levels of respect correlated with the depth of expressed love, similar sexual attitudes, relationship satisfaction, commitment, and self-disclosure. Self-disclosure means the things that you tell your partner about yourself. If your partner withholds information about themselves, it erodes your trust as a couple, and withholding information is disrespectful to the bond you share.

3. Your partner is only focused on their own needs

You deserve more respect in your relationship if your partner never asks you what you need. Or if you have expressed it, they ignore what you have asked them to do to meet your needs. When one partner if focused only on their own needs, the partnership is one-sided. Therefore, the selfish partner has more power in the relationship than the other one. The partner with less power can be manipulated by the other one, and this power imbalance signifies that you deserve more respect in your relationship.

4. Your partner blames you

Things go wrong, and accidents happen. From missing an entry in the checkbook to forgetting to take out the trash, you will be responsible for at least one screw-up. In a relationship where you deserve more respect, your partner holds the slip-ups against you rather than forgiving and forgetting.

Related article: 10 Reasons Why Most Men Can’t Handle A Strong Woman

‘This wouldn’t have happened if you had/hadn’t ____,’ ‘This is all your fault,’ or ‘You’re the reason this is happening.’ If any of these phrases sound familiar, it’s a sign you deserve more respect in your relationship. Point out that although you may have flaws, your partner is also partly responsible for the problems in the relationship.

5. What your partner says hurts your feelings

A betrayal that hurts your feelings signifies that you deserve more respect in your relationship. Betrayals can be anything that crosses your personal boundaries or that intentionally hurts you. Researchers studying the relationship between betrayal trauma and romantic relationship functioning found that ‘Betrayal traumas were also negatively related to partner respect and not significantly associated with dedication and relationship adjustment. Anxious attachment and psychological well-being were significant mediators for the relationship between betrayal traumas and perceived respect.’

Related article: 6 Behaviors That End Relationships

6. Your partner shames you

Using belittling language toward you is a sure sign that you deserve more respect in your relationship. If your partner makes you feel bad for your words or actions and you’ve done nothing to harm them intentionally. Please take this as a warning sign. Being shamed, blamed, or belittled is right on the border with emotionally abusive behavior. If you feel afraid of your partner, you should trust your gut, seek a safe place immediately. Then call the national domestic violence abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for resources and information on leaving an abusive relationship.

9 Ways Emotionally Unavailable People Hide Their Feelings From You

Deciding to enter in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person – whether intentional or not – is a decision that many come to regret. But falling for an unavailable person is remarkably easy, as traditional signs that may indicate an underlying problem don’t often surface. Indeed, even the keenest judge of character could potentially make a life-altering relationship choice that will adversely affect them, sometimes irreparably.

Individuals in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person are often confused. This is especially true when the overall chemistry of the relationship is strongly felt. Eventually, the very-human act of falling in love with a person comes to fruition. At this level – one of commitment, adoration, and love – the real pain begins…and hopefully, after a period of time, the pain ends.

When we place emotional stake into someone else, it’s serious business. We are sharing our souls, our hearts, our life with a person from whom we naturally seek reciprocation of those same sacrifices; when that reciprocation never comes, people get hurt.

It is important, then, that we all understand the signs of emotionally unavailable people. While this article focuses mainly on intimacy, the same underlying premise also applies to friendships.

A soul mate must be willing and available to have a relationship with you. If he or she is unavailable, this is not your soul mate at the present time. – Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author

Here are 9 befuddling behaviors of emotionally unavailable people:

emotionally unavailable people

1. Emotionally unavailable people play with emotions

“So close, yet so far away” describes an emotionally unavailable person using just six words. You could skip the hypothetical course on emotional unavailability, and pass the exam with this phrase alone.

All smart-alecky comments aside, unavailable people often provoke all of the delightful feelings that surface during a relationship. Of course, such feelings are short-lived, as you’ll be yanking at your hair in frustration and confusion shortly afterward.

2. They’re not respectful of your time

Even if an unavailable person is time-conscious in nearly every regard, they always seem to be late when picking you up…or seeing you somewhere…or pretty much anything that requires them to allocate time to you.

This type of irresponsible behavior is egregiously disrespectful. Odds are that you also have work and other responsibilities; places to go, people to see. Yet, they view your time as negligible.

3. Emotionally unavailable people personify ambiguity

Good luck trying to get a definitive answer to that relationship question.

Are we exclusive? “Uh, I’ve gotta work early tomorrow.”

Time to meet the folks? “I want to, but now isn’t right.” Ok…when is “right?” What does “right” mean? The word “right” in the context of a relationship can be translated into a hundred different meanings.

Right. That’s the point.

4. They always seem to apologize

Sorry they didn’t get your message. And sorry they were late (again). Sorry about yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.

It goes without saying, but if someone you love/care for always seems to begin conversation with “sorry,” there is a serious problem. The fact that they’re really not sorry for anything is the real problem.

emotionally unavailable partner

5. They’ll make last-ditch “efforts”

It’s been a month since you decided to take a break. After all, things weren’t looking so good for a while. You’ve settled back into your routine…maybe even considered texting that one guy/gal for a coffee date.

Then a text, or call, or unexpected visit. Weird timing.

6. Emotionally unavailable people are poor communicators

On one side of the communication spectrum, folks freak out if a reply isn’t received within 5 seconds. On the other, we’ve got the unavailable type. Their communication habits tend to resemble how one would interact with their second cousin; not their love interest.

When you do receive a timely response – or any type of communication, really – you would need to be a cryptologist to construct the almost non-existent detail. Awesome.

7. They always “forgot”

Quite similar to “sorry,” an emotionally unavailable person will say the word “forgot” more in a week than most will their entire life. A thorough and rational explanation of this really isn’t necessary.

“I forgot” is a poor excuse – a copout. Just as “I’m sorry” or “I’ll do it later” or (insert commonly-used excuse phrase) is.

8. They always leave you flummoxed

Ask any person that has been involved, in any way, with an emotionally unavailable person to describe their experience. In all likelihood, one or more of the following words or variety of these words will follow: confused, unsure, anxious, insecure, perplexed, unknowing, hesitant…etc.

The word “flummoxed” is a good one. Or baffled.

Baffled someone would blatantly treat them with such disrespect. Flummoxed that someone could be so inconsiderate; to never contemplate the magnitude to which they’ve inflicted undeserved pain.

emotionally attached

9. They’re always “confused”

As terrible as that last one sounded, rest assured you’re not the only confused one. They are confused too, or at least they say so.

It doesn’t matter if they have a Ph.D. in Astrophysics, some emotionally unavailable people will still proclaim ignorance to anything having to do with relationships; specifically, how one is to act in a relationship.

Simply put, either that person is (1) ethically handicapped, (2) emotionally unavailable, or (3) all of the above. Regardless, it behooves us to realize them for what they are and move on.

High-Risk Relationships: How to Tell If You’re In One

A high-risk relationship is one where the potential of a breakup is more likely.  Sometimes we get a gut feeling that a relationship is on rocky ground. Trusting your gut about a likely breakup is probably wise if your relationship shows any of these 5 signs.

5 Signs You’re In A High-Risk Relationship

1. There is a lack of intimacy

Regardless of whether or not you are having sex, a lack of intimacy implies so much more. A lack of intimacy can be a lack of open, trusting communication about feelings. And if one partner is hiding something, even a feeling, from the other partner, there is a type of breach of trust between the two. Concealing feelings from each other is like a breakdown in the trust that you have, which makes it less likely that your partner will want to open up to you sexually either.

2. Your partner doesn’t show an interest in you

‘How was your day?’ is either never asked, or asked and then your response is barely heard. Does your partner even care what you do all day? If your partner doesn’t even seem to care enough to want to know about your day, how could they possibly hope to know what secret dreams lie buried in your heart? This is a high-risk relationship whenever one partner is focusing only on themselves and their own needs, not on their partner’s.

The need to communicate about feelings is stereotypically more a woman’s realm, however, communication in general is important to meet the social connection needs of each partner. Bonding with your partner happens over shared moments. While this doesn’t have to always involve talking to each other, it usually does. Shared jokes, sharing the positive parts of your day, sharing information about other people in your social circles creates a lifetime of shared experiences that reduces the risk of breakup in a relationship.

3. You’ve already had one breakup

Couples counselors say that it is unlikely that a couple that has split and reunited will stay together for the long-term. The reason for this is that there is a breach to heal that can become a point of resentment for the partners. The partner who was dumped is resentful of the one who did the dumping and fearful that they may get their heart broken again. These emotional wounds are difficult to heal.

Also, with a previous breakup, the partner who did the breaking up clearly had a gut feeling that something was wrong and chose to leave. If that gut feeling is telling you or your partner that something is wrong, getting back together without fixing the underlying problem first is unlikely to make for a happy ending.

4. You had a negative childhood experience with love

Unfortunately, not getting enough love as a child might have left you an insecure adult. This childhood insecurity is a factor for a high-risk relationship because you are still seeking the love that you never got from a caregiver from your current romantic partner. Your partner can’t live up to your expectations, so the relationship is doomed to failure.

Related article: 5 Differences Between ‘Being’ With Your Partner And Actually Choosing Them

Researchers in the journal Attachment & Human Relationships studied young adults and their romantic relationships. They say ‘Young adults who experienced a secure relationship with their primary caregiver were more likely to (a) produce coherent discourse regarding their current romantic partnership in the context of the Current Relationship Interview (CRI) and (b) have a higher quality romantic relationship as observed in standard conflict and collaboration tasks. Infant security accounted for variation in CRI security above and beyond the observed quality of participants’ current romantic relationship.’

5. Low level of commitment

Partners who don’t feel invested in the relationship are more likely to break things off. Having children together, for example, will often keep a high-risk relationship together due to the time, emotional, genetic, and financial investments that each partner has contributed to raising their kids. The same might be true for a couple who has a home, built a business together, or who have spent many years growing their marriage or partnership. Without these high levels of commitment, the couple is likely in a high-risk relationship.

Related article: 6 Behaviors That End Relationships

In a study of romantic relationship breakups, researchers could predict which couples would break up based on how much ‘commitment, love, and inclusion of other in the concept of the self’ were present in the relationship. Other signs that contributed to a high-risk relationship were low relationship satisfaction, perceptions of available alternative romantic partners, and level of investment in the relationship were also predictors of breakup, but to a lesser extent. The research also found that social network support was also a strong predictor of relationship strength.

Studies Reveal How Your Body Image Affects Your Weight

Having a negative body image is bad for your mental state, and it’s possible that it can actually make you gain weight. Our minds have more power than we often allow ourselves to recognize, and these negative thoughts can sometimes materialize into what we don’t want, rather than the healthy bodies that we do want.

Why Your Body Image Can Affect Your Weight

Let’s look at some of the scientific research behind a negative body image and the connection to weight changes. Also, we will discuss ways to change a negative body image into a healthy one to reverse the process of weight gain.

Body image research and weight gain

Researchers at the Department of Health Education at Indiana University-Purdue University studied obesity in teenage girls and their body images to try to understand the causes of weight gain. They found that overweight female adolescents seem to suffer from low self-esteem and their low self-esteem may be explained by having a poor body image.

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So low-self esteem may cause people to have a poor body image or vice versa. Having low self-esteem is a combination of negative thoughts that you believe about yourself. For example, if you believe the negative thought ‘I am so fat’ about yourself, then you see yourself as a fat person and may eat fattening foods because this is what you have learned to believe about yourself.

The Department of Epidemiology & Public Health, and the Cancer Research UK Health Behavior Unit at University College London studied international perceptions of body image and weight issues. In their research, they say ‘Historically, perceived overweight and the drive for weight control have often been characterized as irrational and hazardous, especially for young women, who are viewed as pursuing absurdly thin ideal weights and risking their physical and mental health.’ The researchers are particularly concerned with the perceptions of teens and young adults who they say are at higher risk times for body image problems and eating disorders.

The researchers wondered if body image was similar for other countries and found that body image concerns were an international problem. They also found that ‘women were more likely to perceive themselves as overweight than men, and much more likely to report trying to lose weight.’

Almost 45% of women see themselves as overweight in most of the participating countries and over 50% said that they were trying to lose weight. The scientists say that for women, body image is more of a driving factor for making a decision to try to loose weight than it is for men because for women, ‘trying to lose weight is not motivated solely by feeling overweight.’

In the study, men were less likely to report feeling overweight (25%), and even fewer were trying to lose weight (21%). The researchers say ‘This gender difference is strikingly consistent across all of the countries in the sample, indicating common cultural pressures either for over-concern among women or under-concern among men.’

How to change your body image to prevent gaining weight

As we already mentioned, part of your self-perception is your body image. If you see your body image as fat or overweight, it can distort your feelings about yourself and that might cause you to believe that you are the kind of person who eats fattening food.

It is possible that cognitive behavioral therapy can help those with a poor body image to rethink their negative thoughts about their bodies and change their self-esteem and eating behavior as a result. The Purdue University researchers also say ‘Efforts should be directed toward encouraging and supporting healthy eating patterns and physical activity while encouraging students to recognize personal strengths not related to physique.’

Related article: 6 Ways to Turn On Your Weight Loss Hormones

In cognitive behavioral therapy, you first identify the negative thoughts that you believe about your body image that actually may be making you gain weight. For an exercise in cognitive therapy, think about how you feel about your body when you see yourself in a full-length mirror. What are some things that you believe about your body? What do you tell yourself that you dislike about what you see in the mirror?

Now that you have identified these negative thoughts, question their truth or falseness. For example, if you said, ‘My belly is so fat,’ ask yourself why you believe this. Are there people who have larger stomachs than you do? Is your belly working to digest your food and nourish your body? Where did you learn that your belly was unloveable?

Related article: Here’s How Fasting Helps You Lose Weight, Rebuild, and Strengthen Your Body

Finally, change your negative self-talk about your body to positive self-talk. For example you might say ‘I love my body unconditionally,’ ‘This belly is perfect just as it is,’ and ‘I only feed my body healthy, quality food so I can be a healthy weight.’

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Thoughts That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

You have incredible potential for success today and every day. But something might be holding you back from doing just that. In this article, we will look at five possible thought-based habits that are holding you back from finding success and how to overcome each of them so you can reach your destiny.

5 Thought Patterns  That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

We all have a dream, and sometimes it seems so out of reach that we give up trying. But, you can reach your dream and we will help you do that by removing the things holding you back. According to Dr. Wayne Sotile, founder of the Center for Physician Resilience in Davidson, North Carolina, and author of Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back, being able to assess yourself honestly is crucial to let go of what is holding you back.

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You will need to take a serious, objective look at your life and be willing to admit that you are playing a role in keeping yourself from being successful. Once you can admit that you are partly at fault for not accomplishing all that you are capable of, you’ll be on your way to killing it and checking things off your wish/bucket/dream list.

1. Fear of failure

Think about a time when you fell flat on your face in failure. Think about the emotions you felt; shame, frustration, disappointment, etc. These emotions are now blocking you from trying again. The negative emotional response to failure is one that we remember, and we do not want to experience that again. This experience creates an aversion to trying in the future because we fear these same negative emotions.

2. Fear of success

Although this seems counterintuitive, some people fear success as much as failure. The reason could be that being successful changes your image of yourself, and change can be scary. For example, if someone is working on writing a book and they become a published and acclaimed author, they may now feel pressure to continue producing great writing. The pressure that they imagine will come as a result of their success is one thing that will hold them back from being successful.

3. Being distracted from your priorities

Dr. Sotile says that we spend too much time on things that are not getting us where we want to go, and overcoming this is a matter of focusing on the bigger picture and dedicating more time to that goal. Dr. Sotile suggests that at least 20% of your day should be focused on the most meaningful aspect of your work. This helps you build positive feelings about your efforts, reinforcing you to want to do even more of that type of work.

4. Fear of uncertainty

There are a lot of ‘what ifs’ involved in being amazing. What if people don’t like me for being amazing? What if other people don’t recognize my talent? Will I offend people with my ideas? We’ve already covered the ‘What if I fail?’ and ‘What if I succeed?’ questions so this category of what is holding you back covers everything else you’re worried about.

It’s going to be hard to be successful if you are worried about what other people will think of you. People will always have an opinion, but you can’t allow that to stand in your way when you have a dream to accomplish before your time on Earth ends. You don’t want to be on your deathbed saying, ‘At least I didn’t offend anyone.’

Instead, focus on your faith in what you feel compelled to accomplish. There is a reason you have the desire to do it. Block out the rest and go find success.

Related article: 5 Ways To Get Out of A Bad Mood In Less Than 5 Minutes

5. Inactivity

Let’s face it. It’s hard to be successful while sitting on your butt on the couch in front of the TV. Very few accomplishments have been done from this position, so it’s important to keep from holding yourself back by getting up and moving. Taking a single step in the direction of your dreams creates a forward momentum that propels you toward finding success.

One example of a thing that is holding you back, is your lack of action to prevent disease and get healthy. Researchers in the North Carolina Medical Journal looked at workplace health promotion programs. They say, ‘Preventable illnesses make up approximately 70% of the total burden of disease and their associated costs. Half of all deaths in the United States are caused by modifiable behavioral risk factors and behavior patterns.

You can find success by only starting ONE of these things at a time. It’s a process, but please believe that we have just as much faith that YOU CAN…

Psychologists Reveal The 4 Main Elements That Determine Your Personality

You have a unique and memorable personality that belongs only to you. However, you might be surprised to learn that only four main elements determine how you became your unique self. You are just beginning to learn about the world when you are born, and you rarely think ‘Who am I?’ until you are a little older. Around the ages of the terrible twos, we begin to understand ourselves as separate from our parents, and we begin to reveal our personalities.

Psychologists Reveal The Four Main Elements That Determine Your Personality

Between the ages of 2 to 6, we develop our unique sense of self. It is then that these four main elements of personality begin to take shape and help us become who we are meant to be. However, not all of our personality development takes place in our childhood. So we will look at the main elements that form our early and later personalities.

personality meme

1. Your genetic makeup

Your biological genetics are one main element that determines about 40% of the makeup of your personality. The genes passed down to you by your mother and father are the part that you have no control over. But don’t feel like you can’t change negative personality traits if you want to. The whole field of psychology helps people change themselves for the better.

So if you are born with an angry and aggressive personality, does that mean you’ll never be able to change? The short answer is no. Personality is not a constant throughout your lifetime. Researchers looked at the stability of personality traits from childhood to old age and found that while only about 30% of personality traits are stable during childhood years, this increases to 54% during college years and up to 74% between the ages of 50 and 70.

2. Your environment

The environment contributing to your personality can include where you live, cultural and spiritual influences, economic security, family, friends, and work experiences. Your social experiences help shape your personality because they help you learn what different looks like. In other words, you may see someone who is selfish or angry. In contrast, you recognize that you are generous and calm.

Researchers at King’s College London and the University of Wisconsin, and the University of Illinois at Urbana studied the workplace experiences of young adults and how these experiences helped shape their personalities. They found that ‘measures of personality taken at age 18 predicted both objective and subjective work experiences at age 26.’ In other words, scientists could predict if a person would like a job or not based on their personality and the type of career field that they chose. The research also found that work experiences were related to changes in personality traits from age 18 to 26.

Also interesting from this research, the personality traits that caused people to choose particular careers were also the same traits that changed in response to those work experiences.

3. Shared family personality

Even identical twins only share about 50% of their personality traits. They may look the same, but they act like two different people. Fraternal twins only share about 30% of their personality traits, and siblings are usually only 20% similar in personality. If you have non-genetically related family members in the same household, for example, step-brothers or adopted siblings, you only share about 7% of your personality traits.

Your family may develop traditions that you carry on. For example, charitable giving or volunteerism helps you determine the element of generosity for your personality. Similarly, your family may have a tradition of being conservative, and these values have been passed down to you. As a result, you may be a quiet personality type or have a lower comfort level for risk and change.

4. Life experiences

Traumatic experiences early on in childhood, or even developing a personality in your teen years, can impact your character. We create fears early in life, and these are sustained until they are disproven by our experiences. For example, if you are afraid of spiders but then have a good experience with someone’s pet tarantula, you may change your mind about them.

The traits of introvertedness or extrovertedness are determined early in life by interpreting feedback from peers. If we are ridiculed for our attempts to make friends, we may become more introverted. Similarly, if we are rewarded with smiles, hugs, and offers to share and play when we try to make friends, we may become extroverts because we gravitate toward the rewards of friendship.

9 Less Significant Things That Influence Your Personality

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1. Your parents

If you had authoritative parents who were firm but forgiving, you probably feel capable and happy. Parents who are more permissive raise kids who feel less comfortable and can’t self-regulate their lives. These kids are more likely to do poorly in school and have problems with authority. So, if your parents were strict but kind to you, there is a good chance it has affected who you are as a person.

2. Your family

The first influence in your life is your family. Your home atmosphere, the number of siblings you had, and your parent’s behavior towards you all influence your personality. These include things like

  • Economic conditions of your family
  • Social needs of the family
  • Experiences in your family as a child
  • Expectations put on you as a child

3. Schooling

The influence of your personality depends on your education and school experience. Your teacher’s personality and character affect you. Your peers’ attitudes, character, and influence will help shape who you are as an adult. So school choices make such a difference in a child’s life.

4. Culture

Even as a child, your culture will shape your values and predisposition. This is best displayed in the group you hang out with. The norms and values of the group are shared so that you get programmed to be part of the group. This may be good or bad, depending upon what kind of culture is within the group.

5. Your physique

Whether you’re tall, short, skinny, or heavy affects your personality. Biological makeup, body types, and physical appearance all influence you by giving you more or less confidence depending on how you perceive your physical features.

6. Your nervous system

Your central nervous system, including your spinal cord and brain, determines a person’s behavior. These affect how you react and adjust in varying situations.

7. Your intelligence

Individuals with different intelligence act differently in social settings. Intelligence affects how you deal with society, what habits you have, and how you adjust to situations. Understanding what’s going on around you and how to relate to it is crucial for personality development and maturity.

8. Your failures and successes

Your perception of your failures and successes is a part of who you are. Depending upon your frame of reference in your life, these things factor into how motivated or unmotivated you are as a person.

9. Your geography

Did you know that where you grow up influences your personality? Your place of birth, the lifestyle of that place, and the people in that place all affect you. It can determine your behavior and how you react to situations in your life as an adult.

your personality

Final Thoughts on Things That Shape Your Personality

These things all affect and influence your personality. Your education, life experiences, parents, and body shape are defiantly factors that can shape who you are as an adult and how you live your life.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
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