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10 Reasons People Fall Out of Love

10 Reasons People Fall Out of Love

Relationships take work. They require nurturing, love, and appreciation. No one wants to feel they are taken for granted, betrayed, or misunderstood. In fact, feeling that upheaval can make people fall out of love.

It takes more than friendship and commitment. Love requires the presence of trust and respect. Falling in love is easy. The tricky part is remaining in love, and committing to your partner forever.

Here are 10 reasons people fall out of love:

If you see any of these red flags, it is time to work on your relationship.

1. Lack of communication.

When you start a new relationship sharing is abundant. Couples talk about anything and everything as they get to know each other. They fall in love with those parts that relate to one another. Unfortunately, as time goes on, communication withers. For over forty years the psychologist Professor John Gottman has been analyzing relationships. He says that there are 4 ways that communication is affected: criticism, contempt (sarcasm and name-calling), defensiveness, and stonewalling (the silent treatment which is caused by the other three). In the comfort of knowing your partner, there is the discomfort of not wanting to ask again, or say the same thing again, as not to upset them. Communication shuts down because there is no effective way to sit and healthily discuss issues.

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2. Feeling invisible.

After long periods of time, couples begin to take each other for granted. There is a feeling of merely existing in the relationship. Making love becomes the thing of the past. You stop touching and complimenting each other. You stop looking at one another. In fact, you might even begin to act like roommates rather than lovers. Love grows cold. It’s not a good idea to blame your partner for all the relationship problems. Sometimes we need distance to recognize how vital our partner is and retrace what made us sparkle in the first place. But it takes work.

3. Magnifying insecurities.

When the “in love” part vanishes, the truth of who we are starts to play. We begin to feed off each others’ insecurities. Jealousy starts to play a role in the relationship. Because we feel invisible, we begin to notice that our partner starts to behave differently with others. It’s not that he or she is cheating. It’s that we want to feel like we used to in the beginning. His insecurities are passed on to you. Her own issues began to play a huge role in how he reacts. It’s a constant battle of self worth and acceptance. The best way to move past this is to discuss the issues without blame or criticism.

4. Boredom sets in.

April Masini, the relationship author of Romantic Date Ideas, says: “Over time, people can change — or more often, they become who they really are. Someone who loved his steady business career may suddenly realize he always wanted to be a stand-up comedian and throw caution to the wind to chase his dreams. The kind of change that leads to love lost is always about a buried desire to be someone that’s repressed inside. It’s important to really know your partner to avoid this lost-love syndrome.” A way to avoid this is to be open and accept your partner’s choices in what makes him/her happy. Changes are supposed to happen in relationships. You must go with the flow. Otherwise, boredom will extinguish the flame that was once the reason you fell in love.

5. Attraction is gone.

What kills attraction? The inability to have fun. You fall in a rut and can’t get out of it. You stop going out on date nights or doing special things for your significant other. Most times it has nothing to do with physical appearance but the things that go unsaid or undone. You fell in love with that person for many reasons. It’s about revisiting those parts of the relationship. Attraction is ignited through appreciation and compassion.

6. Holding on to grudges.

Nothing is worst than holding on to past resentments and grudges. The quote “forgive and forget” does not play well when we are still reclaiming hurtful situations, bringing them up constantly, and throwing them out there. It’s hard to move on when you are still keeping tabs on what your partner has done. Neither of you can possibly move on. Either let the past go or move on. Neither of you can live a healthy relationship when relieving pain.

7. Dishonesty.

Cheating and other secrets destroy relationships. And it’s not just infidelity that destroys trust, it’s the things that are purposely withheld. It could be that your partner is keeping another bank account, doing drugs, or has lost his/her job. Not sharing is the same as lying. It diminishes all credibility in a relationship. Communication is the start of unraveling all those things.

8. No one wants to compromise.

There is a point in every relationship when egos begin to dictate. You stop caring about the other person’s feelings and you want what you want when you want it. Even through arguments, and discussions, no one wants to compromise. This begins to show the lack of respect and love. You cannot love another without give and take. You cannot get back to peace without compromising.

9. The fairy tale is over.

You got married believing that this person was your prince or your princess. You believed that you had found your happily-ever-after. Unfortunately, what they don’t share in those children’s stories is that after the love comes to the payments on the castle, the tending to the land, and all the other problems that arrived. You met someone and he was exactly who he was. You created an idea of that person, and after some time the love potion wore off and you began to deal with the reality. As couples begin to know each other better, they realize they are incompatible.

It’s a matter of sharing those things and learning to be individuals with separate interests, friends, and hobbies. Co-dependency is never a reason to remain in a relationship.

10. The love wasn’t really love.

Sometimes we mistake love for lust. What we thought was passion and true acceptance were the effects of lust. If a relationship started out from an affair, or is on the rebound, you are more likely to mistake the desires and wants for true love. Love is timeless. It’s not to say that relationships don’t go through rough stages. Parenthood is brutal in any relationship. People also go through complex life changes: illnesses, financial strains, and other life alterations. But, when you are in a loving relationship there is still a commitment and a choice “for better or for worse.” Lust diminishes when all the responsibility starts to take over.

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Final Thoughts on Understanding Why Couples Fall Out of Love

Related article: Is it LOVE, or just lust? Here’s how to tell…

Relationships are never perfect. There is help out there through support groups, therapists, and friends. Remember why you fell in love with this person. Recall all the times he/she brought you joy. Focus on that and try to find a happy medium for both of you.

5 Things To Remember When You’re Trying Your Best (And Failing)

Contentment is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with failing  in a healthy manner. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” We get to decide how we perceive a situation, an obstacle and a problem.

We have all lost someone, something, and at times even ourselves. We lose. That’s simply part of life. We gain and we lose. It would be amazing not to go through disappointments, loneliness, despair, catastrophes, and anything else under the umbrella of misfortunes. This is life. In order to learn and evolve, we will experience things that may break us. It’s how we allow those things that determine success or failure.

Here are 5 things to remember when you’re trying your best, but still failing:

1. Focus on what you have, rather than what you’ve lost.

Society will dictate how you perceive what you should do and what you should have. It will show you through mass media how you are to behave and what determines your worth. Do not allow anyone or anything to place a price tag on your soul. Whenever you start to focus on the negative you will attract more of that. The moment you shift and start to see how things appear, and learn from them in a positive light, life becomes an adventure.

As soon as you begin to see all the things you’ve done, accomplished, and succeeded in, you can see that you have not just existed. You are surviving the human race and you are winning. You have made it this far through illnesses, losses, hurt, disasters, near-death experiences, and many more hurdles. Here you are! Keep moving forward by seeing how incredible you have moved through this life.

2. Painful experiences force you to grow.

It’s unfortunate, but we learn through pain. It’s not that we intentionally go out of our way to hurt and learn. Think of a child who has been told not to touch the hot stove. Until the child touches the hot stove and feels the pain, he will not stop. The moment he experiences that excruciating pain, he realizes that the hot stove is never to be touched again. Very few people learn by witnessing others in similar experiences. They believe that they are exempt from the pain of failing. How many of us haven’t heard, “No pain, no gain?” Do not look at your failures and your suffering with victimization eyes.

Look at how you’ve overcome your situations. Look at how it has fueled you to keep going. Witness your power, strength, and tenacity. Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Like the lotus flower, it is through the muck and dirt that we often thrive to become the very best.

3. Nothing is permanent.

“This too shall pass!” If you look back at your life, just when you thought you couldn’t keep going, you found a way to make it through. Here you are doing it again! Each time we experience failure, when we are doing our best, we feel like we can’t go on. You can, and you will. Everything in life is temporary. Like all the old cliches, “The sun will come out tomorrow.” And, if not tomorrow then in a few days. Nothing lasts forever. Sometimes, when there are obstacles in the way, it’s a sign that you need another route. The ancient poet, Rumi, said it perfectly: “Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.” Even the small things that you find insignificant may just be stepping stones to something better.

4. Don’t be ashamed of failing or the scars you earn.

Whenever you begin to take responsibility for your decisions, you heal from the past. Every scar that you own is a metal of honor. You have survived something powerful. You do a huge injustice and disservice to your soul when you reject the things you’ve overcome. Never be ashamed of what has happened but utilize those things to keep moving into something better.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. However, you do owe yourself the utmost respect. You have battled through the storms and disasters. You may have fallen but the floor hasn’t swallowed you up. Your purpose in this life is an on-going journey. Follow that!

5. Complaining solves nothing.

In an article on complaining, Guy Winch, Ph.D. writes, “The problem is that today we associate the act of complaining with venting far more than we do with problem solving. As a result, we complain simply to get things off our chest, not to resolve problems or to create change, rendering the vast majority of our complaints completely ineffective. Even when we do address our complaints to the people who can do something about them, we tend to be unsuccessful far more often than not.” Complaining is not venting. Complaining is reliving the problem and the issues over and over again while stopping growth. There is a difference between sharing your lessons and letting them become the drama in your life.

You can inspire others by living a life without the constant negative sharing. When you fall (once, twice or twenty times) remember that these are stepping stones to something greater. If you complain after every fall you are likely to not get very far.

9 Things You Need To Do If You Love A Leo

The fiery sign of Leo is one that you are lucky to have for a partner, and your lion lover will appreciate you even more if you do these 9 important things for them.

9 Important Things To Do If Your Partner Is A Leo

This sign is ruled by the Sun, and the fiery heat of that ruling planet as well as being born during the hot summer months July 23rd through August 22nd make Leo a hot commodity for romantic relationships.

1. Let Leo be selfish at times

Researchers say that knowledge of their sun sign in ‘astrology may have a profound influence on people’s self-concept, due to psychological processes like self-attribution and selective self-observation.’ In other words, the personality traits that we want to ascribe to ourselves, we read in our sun sign’s description and we choose to believe those things about ourselves.

Your Leo partner may or may not know what they typical description of their sign is, but they do know that they are awesome and that the world revolves around them. You may take this to be selfishness at times. But even you have to admit that your partner is pretty amazing most of the time and that they deserve anything that they want.

2. Respect your Leo partner’s extroversion

Researchers studying astrology sun sign personality traits found that for most signs, knowing the traits that your sign is ‘supposed to have’ means that you are more likely to identify with those personality traits. This was true for all signs except for those born in the summer who actually tested higher for extroversion, which is of course a trait typical of Leos.

3. Tell Leo how wonderful they are

Leo is a bit of an egomaniac and they love hearing how wonderful they are from anyone, but especially from you, whose opinion they trust and respect. Give your Leo partner plenty of praise to inflate their sense of pride and they will purr with gratitude.

4. Give them only the best

Gift-giving occasions are a bit stressful when your partner is a Leo, because they love the good stuff. Save your money to buy the best quality of whatever item your Leo has their heart set on.

5. Don’t take your Leo partner’s honesty personally

Leos love to give their opinion and they have an opinion for everything, including that outfit that you have on. Leo will tell it like it is though and you should definitely respect their honest opinion. If that outfit doesn’t make you look your best, you’d want to your partner to tell you, right?

6. Romance the lion

Leo likes to be the center of attention as we have already mentioned, and they love to be showered with romantic gestures. Make your Leo partner feel special by giving plenty of loving touch in the form of a great massage. Leos like things to be beautiful in their environment so make things pleasing to all of the senses and set the tone for a passionate and romantic evening.

7. Let Leo be protective of his pride

Your Leo partner is fiercely loyal to the select few people who are in their inner circle of close friends, and that includes you. Leo is unlikely to stray, although they do love to have their ego stroked by the compliments of anyone who will give them.

The tendency of your Leo to love praise does not mean that Leo will be likely to hook up with anyone who gives them a kind word; their self-esteem is way too huge for that kind of activity. Leo is a picky partner. If they chose you, you can be secure in your relationship.

8. Resist the urge to be jealous of your Leo partner’s many admirers

Leo is loyal, as we have already said, and with you as their mate, Leo is not likely to stray. However, your Leo partner’s ego loves to be admired and they are naturally charismatic, which means that there is a huge population of people who wish your Leo was single.

Related article: How Good Are You At Relationships?

Allow your Lion to have these people who will flirt with them or bask in the glow of their radiance. Your partner will be grateful, even if they don’t recognize that it’s something you are consciously doing for them.

9. Keep it interesting

As the king of the jungle, your Leo partner does like to pursue prey. This doesn’t mean that you should play hard to get because Leo respects and expects loyalty, however, be slightly less available to your lion mate.

For example, if you have dance class on Tuesday nights and your book club every Thursday night, your Leo will start to feel needy for you. Not to worry. You are now a more elusive prey. So you are more interesting and desirable to your Leo.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Leo

Leo is born during the hottest summer months July 23rd through August 22nd, and being born with the heated passion that comes from this season is only one of these 10 things you’ll only understand if you’re a Leo.

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Leo

Leo is a fire sign, ruled by the sun and is one of the most recognizable signs in astrology as represented by the lion. Leo shares many personality traits in common with the king of the jungle, but it’s not all that defines this fiery sign. Here are 10 things that only a Leo could understand.

1. You don’t need other people, but you like having them around

Leo is fiercely independent and perfectly capable of doing almost anything without help. But that doesn’t mean that you dislike the companionship of your loyal friends.

2. You don’t always have to be in control, but people usually let you

Leo’s natural charisma and tendency to dominate make them a natural leader. People can sense this and they usually get out of your way and let you take the role that you were born to take. As leader of the pride, you delegate well, work gracefully under pressure, assume the responsibility when no one else will, and complete tasks with efficiency.

3. People can’t help being attracted to you

Researchers asked students to read a true description of their astrological sign’s personality and a fake description and found that people who knew that their sign’s typical personality were able to correctly choose the right personality profile.

Only a Leo personality understands that charisma just comes naturally to you. Sure, people may be jealous of the confidence that you exude but Leo won’t let that stop them from being fabulous. Your self-confidence is often mistaken for sexuality, and as a Leo, you don’t mind them making that minor mistake.

4. You tend to be a little too blunt

Well as a shortcoming, we can hardly fault Leo for being a little too honest, but that’s the one complaint that people have about you. Leo, you are so forthcoming with the honest truth that you sometimes tell people what they don’t want to hear. It’s not your fault for how they respond to your honesty. Still, perhaps you offended a few people in the past.

5. Image is important to Leo

Leo loves the finer things in life, make that the finest things in life and will not be happy to settle for less. Your public image is one that you take pride in. You enjoy being respected in the community, so you rarely look less than your best when heading out in public.

6. Leo is not always the dominant one, it just seems that way to other people

Researchers looked at a personality inventory for several traits and compared them to known astrological signs of participants. They found that on a scale of feminine and masculine traits, sun signs showed a definite correlation with their typical traits. For example, Leo is well known for being a commanding leader, a trait that is typically associated with traditional masculine roles.

7. You give until it almost hurts

Leo can understand boundless generosity, and they give to their few loyal associates as much as they can. A Leo hates to see a true friend suffering and they will be one of the first to jump in and offer assistance. Leo understands that giving is also a gift to the giver, and you love the way that making your friends smile makes you feel.

8. You are surprisingly sensitive

Leo is not an overly emotional astrological sign, but they tend to be tender-hearted. Only a Leo will understand that you do feel emotional pain, but it usually is hidden deep down so that you portray an outer image of strength. Only your closest friends have ever seen you hurt, frustrated or saddened by something.

Related article: What Does The Day Of The Week You Were Born On Reveal About Your Personality?

9. You’ve never said that you were better than anyone else, but it’s kind of obvious

As a Leo, only you can understand that people tend to think of you as an egomaniac, but it’s not really true. You are intelligent, attractive, kind, hard-working, and motivated, but that doesn’t make you think that you’re superior to others, it’s just that sometimes you are the one with the skills, abilities, and energy to get things done right. Haters gonna hate, what can you say?

10. Your level of activity is exhausting to most people you know

It’s hard to find someone to keep pace with you when you are as hard-driven as you are, Leo. If your friends, family, and colleagues are smart, they will let you take the lead and catch up to you later. You are usually athletic, rarely exhausted at work, and have plenty of energy to keep going after work as well.

11 Things Psychopaths Will Do To Try To Manipulate You

If psychopaths have ever manipulated you, you probably felt grateful for the opportunity to tell the cautionary tale to others. A psychopath not only hates other people, but they also take action to cause harm to others for their selfish pleasure. These are the serial killers, repeat offenders, violent criminals, and the people who refuse to play by society’s polite rules.

Let’s look at how a psychopath will try to manipulate you and what you can do to escape being victimized.

11 Ways Psychopaths Will Try To Manipulate You

How many psychopaths do you think you have encountered in your life? Experts estimate that roughly 1 in every 100 people is a psychopath. This means that you have probably experienced several in your life so far, and you may, unfortunately, meet more of them.

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1.      The predatory stare.

The unblinking, dead gaze of psychopaths is one of the more disturbing ways these antisocial people will try to manipulate you. People often cave into the psychopath when they use this unsettling stare but try to remain unfazed. Relax and return the gaze with a smile, and watch as they become noticeably annoyed by your clever tactics.

Researchers studying the brains of aggressive psychopaths found that they lack brain matter in the areas that help us to ‘anticipate consequences of actions and use feedback from behavior to modify maladaptive response patterns.’ In other words, psychopaths have a hard time understanding that manipulating people harms both themselves and the other person.

2. Psychopaths engage in brainwashing.

Hypnotists and psychopaths use techniques to manipulate your thoughts and actions, such as brainwashing. If you notice that your conversations become strangely repetitive, where the person says the same thing repeatedly, they’re probably trying to implant an idea in your mind.

3. Acting like a martyr.

‘I’m the one who has to put up with your accusations.’
‘Did you ever think how I feel when you say things like this to me?’
‘You make me feel worthless when you question me like this.’

Psychopaths will frequently say these types of ‘poor me’ statements to manipulate you when you divulge your feelings about their behavior. They will attempt to paint you as the bad guy, but don’t fall for this switch tactic. You’re the bad guy, but don’t fall for this switch tactic.

4. Psychopaths use gaslighting as a weapon.

Psychopaths use a subtle, deceptive method called gaslighting, where they make you feel crazy by continuously second-guessing your judgment. The term comes from an old movie where the husband keeps dimming the gas lamps in the house but denies it, making his wife think she is going mad. If you believe something happened one way, trust your gut, not the words of the psychopath.

5. Silent treatment.

The silent treatment often accompanies the predator stare as the psychopath tries to get you to cave into their manipulative games. Practice being comfortable with silence and the psychopath’s stare. Breathe deeply and control your emotions as you wait out the silent treatment.

6. Reducing your self-esteem.

If a psychopath can make you feel weaker than them, they will do it to maintain their control. Recognize when you feel bad about yourself and turn the negative into positive self-talk.

7. Talk behind your back.

One of the mildest forms of manipulation that a psychopath uses is turning your friends against you. They will tell people anything about you to get them to believe their words, not yours. Tell your friends about your suspicions before the psychopath makes up a lie about you being the psychopath.

8. Preventing you from doing things that you want.

Seeing your friends, going out, wearing that outfit you love – whatever you enjoy doing, a psychopath will try to transform into a negative. Alternatively, they will fabricate why you can’t do the thing you love. Never allow a psychopath to take away your joy.

Not caring about others and what they want is a trademark of the psychopath. Research on psychopaths who commit sex crimes found that ‘In a nonpsychopath, concern for the victim, and lack of general propensities to use people for one’s own ends would help a man with deviant preferences to restrain his sexual behavior. But a psychopath with deviant preferences would act on them.’ Because they cannot control harmful impulses, psychopaths comprise a large part of the criminal population.

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9. Psychopaths control people via verbal abuse.

Name-calling, belittling, or even a loud, angry tone are all psychological manipulation tools used by the psychopath. They want you in a low, fearful state so that you feel powerless against them. Don’t fall for their mind games, though; ignore or walk away from their abuse.

10. Baiting you.

They know your hot button issues and will deliberately bring up something that makes you angry, sad, or scared because they thrive on your drama. Listen for the bait, and walk away rather than engaging in a topic that will make you emotional.

11. Sabotage.

A psychopath may try to manipulate you by doing the opposite of what you want them to do. For example, if you say you are on a diet, they will bring you exactly the food you crave most.

What Causes Someone to Become a Psychopath?

Scientists believe that genetics, environmental risk factors in childhood, and brain chemistry contribute to psychopathy.

•   Genetics

Research suggests that certain genetic predispositions make people more likely to become psychopaths. For instance, a study published in Molecular Psychiatry found that “abnormal glucose metabolism and opioidergic neurotransmission contribute to violent offending and psychopathy.”

Experts also believe that certain immune-related gene sets could contribute to antisocial behavior. The heritability of severe antisocial behavior is about 50%; however, this doesn’t mean all children with these genes will become psychopaths.

•   Environmental Risk Factors

Like most mental disorders, adverse childhood experiences and upbringing can make a child more susceptible to psychopathy. However, some children raised in challenging environments will not grow up to become psychopaths. Research on psychopathic personality traits and environmental contexts found that parental abuse or neglect and peer rejection contributed to psychopathy in vulnerable children.

Also, perinatal factors such as smoking during pregnancy, birth complications, or high stress levels while pregnant can contribute to psychopathy. However, these risk factors likely play a small role in developing psychopathy. Also, it’s important to remember that correlation doesn’t necessarily imply causation; for example, children with warm and responsive parents can still become psychopaths.

•   Differences in Brain Chemistry

The combination of genetics and environmental factors can cause changes in brain structure that contribute to psychopathy.  A study by University of Wisconsin-Madison researchers revealed that psychopaths have reduced connectivity between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and the amygdala. This explains why psychopaths display callous and unsocial behaviors since the vmPFC regulates emotions such as empathy and guilt, and the amygdala mediates fear and anxiety.

The study took place in a medium-security prison in Wisconsin, comparing the brains of 20 prisoners diagnosed with psychopathy with the brains of 20 other prisoners without the disorder. Both groups of prisoners had committed similar crimes.

“This is the first study to show both structural and functional differences in the brains of people diagnosed with psychopathy,” says Michael Koenigs, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. “Those two structures in the brain, which are believed to regulate emotion and social behavior, seem to not be communicating as they should.”

The study builds on previous work by the lead researchers that reveals how psychopaths’ decision-making mimics patients with damaged ventromedial prefrontal cortexes (vmPFC). This provides evidence that problems in this area of the brain could contribute to psychopathy.

“The decision-making study showed indirectly what this study shows directly – that there is a specific brain abnormality associated with criminal psychopathy,” Koenigs adds.

The researchers hope that their findings will lead to better treatments for those with psychopathy soon.

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Final Thoughts on Understanding How Psychopaths Try to Manipulate Others

Psychopaths display shallow emotions and lack empathy for others, both hallmarks of the disorder. They also take pleasure in causing harm to others and try to manipulate people to achieve their goals. A psychopath uses several tactics to deceive or intimidate others, including brainwashing, gaslighting, and various forms of verbal abuse. They prey on empathetic and compassionate people who may not see the warning signs until too late.

If you find yourself in a dangerous situation or feel threatened by a psychopath, never hesitate to seek help. While psychopaths deserve treatment for their disorder, they can inflict severe harm on unsuspecting victims. The best course of action when dealing with a psychopath is to avoid them altogether, as they can’t have healthy relationships before seeking treatment.

However, if you must interact with a psychopath for whatever reason, try to ignore their mind games as much as possible. They will start to lose interest if they get no reaction from you.

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Teacher Uses Apples To Explain How Words Can Hurt

Words can either build someone up or break them down. Furthermore, we have the power to choose our words carefully. Something that seems harmless to us might hurt someone else. So before we say something, we should always consider how it will affect the other person. Words carry energy, some positive and some negative. Words can change lives. They can also destroy them. We carry this power in our hands and hearts, so we must use it wisely.

We can teach children how to use their words to inspire, help, heal, and bring happiness to others. Adults would do well to remember what their parents and teachers taught them. That’s because we can easily forget lessons we learned years ago. With this in mind, a teacher came up with a brilliant idea. She would show children the impact words can have on others. She hoped the experiment would stick with each of the children long after.

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Here’s How A Teacher Uses Apples To Show How Words Can Hurt

Rosie Dutton is a coach at Relax Kids Tamworth. She used her experience working with children for 15 years and her knowledge of teaching children to deal with their emotions healthily to carry out this amazing experiment.

One day in one of her classes, she showed the children two different apples.

“…(the children didn’t know this, but before the class I had repeatedly dropped one of the apples on the floor, you couldn’t tell, both apples looked perfect). We talked about the apples and the children described how both apples looked the same; both were red, were of similar size and looked juicy enough to eat,” she wrote on a Facebook post.

She then picked up the apple she dropped on the floor and told the children how she disliked the apple. She told them that she thought it looked disgusting, had a horrible color. And she pointed out how the stem was too short. She had a reason for this: she wanted them to dislike the apple too, calling it similar names.

“Some children looked at me like I was insane, but we passed the apple around the circle calling it names, ‘you’re a smelly apple’, ‘I don’t even know why you exist’, ‘you’ve probably got worms inside you’ etc.”

As she and the class continued their verbal attacks on the apple, the teacher and some students started to feel sympathy for it.

Then, they passed around another apple and started saying kind things to it, such as ‘You’re a lovely apple’, ‘Your skin is beautiful’, and ‘What a beautiful colour you are.’

The teacher held both apples up to the class. Then, she talked to the children about the similarities and differences between the apples. They all agreed that both apples looked the same – the only difference was how they had talked to them, as far as the children could see.

She cut open the apple they had just passed around after the discussion to show the class how beautiful and fresh it looked on the inside. Afterward, she cut open the other apple she had thrown on the floor.

“The apple we’d said unkind words to was bruised and all mushy inside.

She saw the children make the connection that the bruised, mushy apple had undergone a beating, even though you couldn’t tell on the outside. They also realized how they talked to it represented what happens inside them when people mistreat them.

“When people are bullied, especially children, they feel horrible inside and sometimes don’t show or tell others how they are feeling. If we hadn’t have cut that apple open, we would never have known how much pain we had caused it…”

The teacher then shared a personal experience. She explained how she felt when someone said unkind words to her the previous week. She explained that you couldn’t tell from the outside how she felt because she still smiled. But inside, she felt bruised and broken.

She says, “Unlike an apple, we have the ability to stop this from happening. We can teach children that it’s not ok to say unkind things to each other and discuss how it makes others feel. We can teach our children to stand up for each other and to stop any form of bullying, just as one little girl did today when she refused to say unkind words to the apple.”

unfair people

Every time a child gets bullied that only creates more unkind and hurt people in the world. As a result, they sometimes act out or hurt others because of their pain. We can teach children kindness and compassion from a young age. Therefore, we must all mind our words to create a more gentle world.

“The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words.”

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