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Don’t Let Anxiety Create These Problems In Your Relationship

Don’t Let Anxiety Create These Problems In Your Relationship

Anxiety is caused by fears and strain of expectations. This emotional turmoil can put a huge tension and stress on relationships. Dr. Susan Heiter, who specializes in relationship counseling in Denver, says that she “sees cases in which anxiety, worrying and fearfulness block ability to enjoy comfortable relationships. Anxiety undermines a sense of confidence and personal power. It can arrive mysteriously, like a sudden fog on a clear day, and can hang on far too long.” There are things that trigger anxiety in relationships.

Here are 7 problems anxiety causes in a relationship and how to avoid them:

1. Being overly needy

We all want to feel wanted while being shown love through affection. However, there is a difference when you suffer from an anxiety disorder. The neediness can turn into a compulsion and it becomes too much for the other person in the relationship. Neediness becomes a smothering mechanism that suffocates the union. The person suffering from anxiety worries about seeming too needy, which then causes more neediness in the relationship.

If you begin to feel the helplessness of needing constant reassurance, step back and recognize the behavior. Find ways to cope with your fears while relying on you. When you feel better about yourself, you don’t need another to reassure you. Get creative. Fill the anxiety with positive reinforcements such as meditation, exercise, reading, or writing.

2. Jealousy

Jealousy stems from insecurities, and it’s all-encompassing. It comes from the fear of loss. It affects trust in a loving relationship. When you suffer from anxiety the magnitude of jealousy can be astronomical. You begin to spin out of control thinking about your mate cheating.

When fear lessens, so does jealousy. Recognize the behavioral patterns. No one likes to be accused of things they have not done. Trust is what makes and breaks a relationship. If you can identify the source of fear, you can stop the cycling in the mind. Put your feelings in place and don’t push your partner to the point of making a decision.

3. Chronic Stress

Stress escalates anxiety in a relationship. Financial and health issues are top on the list of stresses. It’s important to try and separate these from your relationship as much as possible. You must maintain a union with your partner rather than push him/her away. Anxiety makes you feel as if you have lost your footing in everything.

Talk about your fears with your partner. Do not blame or shame yourself, or your partner. Share your concerns. Speaking about what worries you is important to let the fear subside. Those things that live in our heads can be set free when we open up to them.

4. Impulsiveness

Anxiety can create moments so unbearable that you feel impulsive. In those erratic moments you can say things that you don’t mean. You can make irrational decisions. You can even act out in destructive behavior. Your partner may or may not tolerate these behaviors for very long.

If you find that anxiety is making you do things impulsively, sit down and breathe. Let those moments where you feel that you are about to jump the gun pass. Find something else to do. When you step back from a situation for a bit you can redirect with a positive attitude. Anxiety forces you to spin out of fear. Every emotion that follows moves on a roller coaster track. Substituting those moments with a different scenery makes a difference. Step outside. Sit in nature. Let the focus lessen before you return to talk with your partner.

5. Negativity

Negativity has a huge impact on fear-based emotions and disorders. Anxiety forces you to take on a victimization personality which is deteriorating in a healthy relationship. A negative outlook towards anything can cause your partner to take seclusion. No relationship can endure too much negativity unless it’s an abusive relationship that feeds on fears and control.

In order to shift your awareness from negativity, you have to change environments. Anxiety has a way of creating stories that aren’t real. If you are experiencing a constant mood of doom with your partner, ask yourself if this is a healthy way to live. Get assistance in this manner. Anxiety can produce a tremendous amount of scenarios that may be eliminated when you face them with someone else. Use positive mantras and affirmations.

6. Addiction

Addictive behaviors and actions can bring about a monsoon of anxiety. In relationships, when one person suffers from substance abuse, this can make the anxious person even more erratic. Drugs, alcohol or other substitutes are substitutes to a deeper issue. You cannot numb the problem or repress it. You must ask yourself if the relationship is causing this and what good will come out of it? If it’s your partner who is suffering from addiction, it’s important to get a hold of the situation for your safety.

If you are the one covering up the anxiety with drugs, sex, food or alcohol, get professional help.

7. Assumptions

When you suffer from anxiety, the last thing you need is jumping ahead of the game. You don’t need to be speculating what will happen in your relationship. One thing is to make plans for the future, but another is to be worrying about things that haven’t happen. You cannot guess your partner’s feelings, so assuming how he or she feels is unfair.

Speak openly to your partner about how you feel. Don’t over stress on the issues. In an open and loving relationship, freedom of speech is a given. You can discuss anything. Assuming and expecting are destructive behaviors in a relationship. You are condemning someone before anything has or could happen.

If you are experiencing these problems, ask yourself if the relationship is worth saving. And, are you willing to change even if your partner doesn’t change? Changes are going to happen in life. Jobs, housing, parenthood, taking care of elderly parents…these are all parts of our life experiences. You need to understand your triggers when it comes to changes. Don’t wait for the panic to strike.

Anxiety is debilitating. It can take over someone’s life and end relationships if not addressed properly. Determine the causes of your stress and fears. Work with a therapist, a support system, and your partner. You can get through this with help. If you want to save your relationship, there is always a way!

Writer Anais Nin expressed her own struggles with how anxiety dictates a relationship: “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

Related article: This Is For Every Person Who Has Ever Had Anxiety

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

If You Have Dreams About Natural Disasters, This Is What It Means

We’ve all had those intense dreams that involve earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis and other natural catastrophes. But, what do they mean? Is our subconscious creating scenarios of disasters to get our attention, or are they visions? These dreams are sometimes created from emotional turmoil, physical issues or spiritual transformations. Dreams have a way of significantly getting our attention.

Well known psychologist, Carl Jung said, “The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night which was psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness, and which will remain psyche no matter how far our ego-consciousness extends.”

If you have dreams about natural disasters, this is what it means:

Related article: If You Have Dreams About Your Partner Leaving, This Is What It Means

Are you having a hard time moving through changes in your life?

Changes in our lives can leave us depleted. We can’t see past the issue at hand. Even though we know that life is ever changing, while we are going through the stress we internalize our emotions. Fear takes over, and during waking hours we are too busy to take notice. However, when we sleep, consciousness is no longer in charge. These are the moments that the mind is able to play out stories. The dreams become little riddles in your psyche. If you are having a hard time accepting changes, you could be dreaming about a volcano eruption, which means that you are bottling up emotions.

Are you stress about challenges that keep showing up?

Sometimes, these dreams show up to stir up the storm that has been brewing in the heart. Earthquakes “break things apart.” If you are struggling with challenges or making an important decision, you could be dreaming of these natural disasters. Step back in waking moments and write your dreams down. Try to decipher the meaning of how you were feeling during the dream. Were you in danger or just being a spectator? It’s important to look at all parts of the dream to see if you can determine the emotions behind the visions. Water, wind, fire, and rocks all mean different things. These elements stir us up.

Are you a perfectionist?

The need to be perfect and stay in control is a huge factor in stressful dreams. If you are having these sort of disastrous dreams, where everything falls to pieces, you can be sure that the anxiety level is going to be atrocious when you wake. Trying to be perfect in an imperfect world is impossible. You have no control over anything but yourself, and even that is questionable.

Research professor Brene Brown says, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

Are you overindulging in drugs, alcohol or other destructive habits?

What you do during waking life affects sleep patterns. If you are using drugs, alcohol, sex, food or any other substitute to avoid your life, it will show up in your subconscious through the dream world. The sense of being out of control is a factor in dreams of natural disasters. These dreams can be signs that your psychological body is in need of help. Tornadoes passing through, hurricanes shattering everything in sight, and tsunamis wiping everything out of view are some examples of fear and losing control. Take a look at your habits. Drugs and alcohol can alter the dream state with crazy dramatic events.

Natural disasters come in different scenarios. Fires in these dreams can relate to social problems. Water, floods, tsunamis, can also represent spiritual issues. Volcanoes and earthquakes can symbolize the physical body and ailments. Dreams with tornadoes, hurricanes or other wind related disasters can mean financial challenges. If you dream with a comet or asteroid falling, it is a sign of a new era in your life. These cosmological events signify the evolving of consciousness and a deep spiritual transformation.

These dreams can also be telling you that major changes are coming your way in a positive light. Not all dreams of disasters mean doom. They can be omens of job changes, moving to a new location, and even receiving wonderful news. The dream world is a window to your emotions and your spiritual body. Only you know how to interpret these dreams because you know yourself better than anyone.

Jung also said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Sensitive People Are Beautiful. . .

Sometimes, sensitive people appear weak. They give in and they forgive with the same intensity that they love. They feel from the deepest part of their spirit. Besides that, they shed tears without shame, show vulnerability, and usually blame themselves for things that they feel in others.

highly sensitive person

In spite of being hurt, sensitive people still hold compassion in their hands, willing to give to everyone who needs. They share their knowledge in the simplest ways; through a kind word, a gentle touch, a listening ear, and an unconditional love that can’t be matched.

The sensitive person is able to detect a lie in minutes. And, yet, they will continue to show you profound humanness, empathy, kindness, grace, and devotion. They can smell fear, taste success, and hear those things that aren’t being said.

One thing is for sure – Sensitive people don’t care what you are or what you do – they feel the truth of who you are.

Sensitive souls are intuitive, insightful and believe wholeheartedly in their causes to help humanity.

The true beauty of a sensitive person is that they’ve endured such intense obstacles and challenges, and yet want to reach a hand out for others to transform and transcend from their own struggles.

The paradox of these lovely beings is that they have experienced deep pain, but they refuse to let it stop them from loving again. At the end of their lives, many sensitive people have lived fully through the wisdom of tenacity and persistence.

highly sensitive person quote

Sensitive people are the unique, beautiful souls that this world needs. They are the artists, creators, and inventors of our society. They are the originals who take chances, love without excuses, and change the world with one act of kindness at a time.

The world would be in total chaos if these beautiful souls weren’t here to balance the scales of negativity back to optimism.

What Causes Highly Sensitive People?

Being a highly sensitive person is a part of a personality trait that creates emotional sensitivity. Since many medical and psychiatric professionals don’t fully understand these sensitivities, these folks are often diagnosed with sensory processing or anxiety-based disorders. This sensitivity means that a person feels stronger stimulation when dealing with simple things like noise, light, or hunger pangs. It makes your inner life complex, and it can be challenging to manage.

It was psychologist Elaine Aron who came up with the theory of HPS, and her book detailing this personality issue has sold more than a million copies. Her vast knowledge of the mind’s innermost workings was based on self-identity. Today, it’s believed that about 20 percent of the population fits into the category of highly sensitive and being sensitive is a challenging but manageable condition.

Sensitivities Affect Everyday Life

At the crux of this matter is believed to be overwhelming feelings caused by chronic stress, tension, or violence. Folks with HSP are more apt to avoid situations where their sensitivities are profoundly manifested. For instance, if one is sensitive to lights, going to a bright outdoor event where the sun is beaming down might be complicated or even painful.

While there are overwhelming things about this condition, there are also positives to being highly sensitive. These folks are known to possess a significant level of creativity, and they tend to have more meaningful personal relationships. They appreciate things like the beauty of a flower growing in their yard or a child’s laughter.

Sadly, society doesn’t always understand the person with HSP. They often don’t have the correct emotional response when they’re in a social setting, and they can become uncomfortable when faced with trigger items. Perhaps their lack of comfort on the inside is what delves them into creative arenas like art and music.

You must weigh both the pros and cons of being a highly sensitive person, as managing this condition can be complex. A person with HSP requires proper support and the ability to recognize both strengths and shortcomings. Their home and workspace must be conducive to survival, and if something makes them uneasy, making exceptions to make their space comfortable is helpful.

7 Traits of Highly Sensitive People

Do you think you’re a highly sensitive person? Here are some common traits you can measure to see if you fit into this category.

highly sensitive people

1. They Have an Urge to Be Creative

The highly sensitive person must be creative as it’s a driving force in their personality. They find that they’re the happiest when creating music, drawing, painting, or letting their inner creative side flourish. They use this to balance all the energy they feel on the inside.

2. They Can Read People

Another fantastic thing about sensitive people is that they have an uncanny ability to read people. While they may miss some social cues, one thing they don’t miss is when someone is in pain. They tend to be empathetic as they know what it feels like to be out of sorts, so they pick up on this emotional turmoil with ease.

3. They’re Often Uncomfortable in Public

HSP may also have some social anxiety that accompanies their personality, especially since they often feel awkward when out of their comfort zone. For instance, if a person has a massive problem with noise, then going to a concert would only aggravate their situation. A psychologist might assume it’s an anxiety-based disorder when it’s a neurological nuance.

However, that’s not to say this person doesn’t have a secondary condition like anxiety that stems from their sensitivities. An article published by the National Library of Medicine states that people who have anxiety disorders are often sensitives, and those who have a sensitive personality often develop anxiety. So, while they’re two separate conditions, they’re most definitely linked.

4. They Can’t Stand Violent Movies

Since this person’s emotions are intense, they feel everything much deeper. So that movie meant just to frighten the audience might affect them for days afterward. They personalize things and feel the emotions of others. Watching violent movies can send them into emotional upheaval because they can’t shake the feeling as if it happened to them.

5. Their Feelings Are Easily Hurt

Sensitive people tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves. The smallest comment, even meant most constructively, can devastate this person. These folks will cry in an argument because their emotions become so overwhelmed, that they don’t know what to do or say, so they break down. They have no problem showing emotions as it seems to come naturally.

6. They’re Very Generous

One of the attractive traits of sensitive people is that they’re givers. These folks would give you the shirt off their back without question. They go out of their way to give their time to other people, but this also gets them in trouble. Some people will quickly take advantage of these folks and use them, as they see these individuals as doormats.

7. They Overanalyze and Overthink Each Situation

The HSP doesn’t like to make decisions as they tend to get caught up in all the little details and can’t focus on the big picture. They overanalyze everything until they drive themselves mad. Sensitive people will avoid making decisions and procrastinate until they call on others for help.

8. They Always Feel Different or Like They Don’t Belong

It’s not uncommon for HSP to feel like they don’t belong. During their school days, fitting in was a challenge that made them feel like outcasts. They might have formed deep bonds with some folks, but they always felt like the odd man out.

sensitive people

Final Thoughts on Highly Sensitive People

Sensitive people tend to feel things on a deeper level. It doesn’t matter if the situation is positive or negative, as it has an overwhelming effect on them. There are many highs and lows to managing this condition, as it’s quite overwhelming. It can profoundly affect relationships, stress levels, and everyday life.

If you think you’re an HSP, talk to a counselor and learn practical management tools to handle difficult situations. There’s no magic cure for this condition, but you can learn ways to manage it and have a happy life.

8 Signs You Have A Potassium Deficiency

Many of us hear that potassium is essential in one way or another. What many of us do not know is precisely why. We may be aware that a banana has high potassium, but what about other foods? Do we know the functions of this nutrient?

Potassium is a macromineral, the most critical type of mineral. Also within this class are calcium, chloride, phosphorous, magnesium, sodium, and sulfur. It is also an electrolyte – a mineral that carries an electric charge. This helps to explain why the mineral is vital to neural capabilities partially.

­In terms of function, potassium is essential to nerve and muscle networks, such as allowing each to communicate. Potassium is also necessary for transporting nutrients into cell bodies and eliminating waste products from cells.

Potassium deficiency is precisely that: minimal to low levels of potassium. We will cover eight of the most prominent signs of a deficiency.

We’ll also list some terrific sources of this vital nutrient to get us (potassium neglecters) back on the right nutritional track.

Here are eight signs of potassium deficiency:

potassium rich

1. Abdominal cramping or bloating

The digestive tract is lined with smooth muscles tissue and controlled by the autonomic (involuntary) nervous system. As mentioned, potassium is an electrolyte that helps stimulate functions of the neural network – including digestion. When potassium is lacking, the intestines do not function normally, which compromises healthy digestion.

2. Constipation

Since we’re on the topic of digestion, it may be best to get this one out of the way. As some of you have undoubtedly guessed, yes, abnormal potassium levels can cause constipation. It’s also worth mentioning that too much potassium can cause the same effects.

3. Brain fog

Low potassium levels can also interfere with regular electrical activity in the brain. It may lead to brain fog – overall feelings of confusion, sluggishness in thinking, and inability to concentrate. Getting enough potassium is essential to brain function, especially for individuals with demanding occupations or when in school.

4. Fatigue

This is perhaps the most common symptom of potassium deficiency: feelings of fatigue and exhaustion. Potassium is involved in the functionality of every cell in the body. Every. Single. One. Potassium is an essential part of a well-balanced diet and a critical component of energy production. Of course, not consuming enough of something that produces energy can result in less energy.

5. Feelings of thirst or frequent passing of urine

Feeling thirsty or frequent passing of urine can occur when the blood’s potassium levels are too low. This is particularly true when the body’s sodium levels are also depleted. When this happens, the kidneys’ ability to retain water is suppressed, which needs to be released in urine. The body loses its ability to regulate water balance, creating frequent or extreme thirst feelings.

6. Heart Palpitations

Potassium is essential for the proper regulation of blood pressure. Blood pressure directly affects our heart rate, which means that adequate potassium levels are vital to our heart rate. As such, low levels can potentially result in irregular heartbeat and even heart palpitations.

7. Skin Problems

Dealing with a chronic potassium deficiency can manifest into skin problems, including acne and dry skin. As potassium is involved in the healthy functioning of every cell in the body, it is probable that this nutrient also serves some capacity in keeping our skin healthy.

8. Ringing or vibrating in ears

Since potassium has such an effect on blood pressure and heart rate, inadequate potassium levels can indirectly result in ringing or vibrating of the ears. These are often secondary symptoms of irregular heartbeat or heart palpitations. Therefore, maintaining healthy levels of potassium consumption can indeed assist with two problems related to potassium deficiency.

Now that we have a list of potential symptoms, here are some great sources of potassium. Nearly every case of potassium deficiency is diet-related; in other words, extraneous factors (e.g., genetics or environment) have minimal effect.

8 Foods that Boost Your Potassium Levels

Most of the time, potassium deficiency occurs due to dietary habits such as consuming too much salt, which causes electrolyte imbalances. Luckily, there are plenty of healthy, plant-based foods you can incorporate into your diet to boost potassium.

According to the FDA, the Daily Value (DV) for potassium is 4,700mg for healthy adults. You can easily reach the recommended potassium intake by consuming the foods below.

potassium

1.    Various Types of Potatoes

Potatoes aren’t just delicious. They also have potent antioxidants and essential nutrients. Plus, you can use them in various dishes such as stews, casseroles, and soups. If you want to reverse a potassium deficiency, sweet potatoes, in particular, should be a staple in your diet.

A 1-cup (328-gram) serving of mashed sweet potato contains 16% of your recommended daily intake. If you choose to eat whole sweet potatoes, a medium one boasts 541mg of potassium while a large one contains a whopping 900mg. Sweet potatoes are also rich in Vitamin A, an essential nutrient that promotes cell growth, immune function, and vision health.

Some people in the health community frown upon regular potatoes, but they have essential nutrients. One medium boiled potato contains around 12% DV.

In addition, all varieties of potatoes have complex carbs, protein, and fiber along with minimal fat. There’s a reason why cultures worldwide have centered their diets around potatoes, as they’re a nutrient powerhouse.

2. Yams

These starchy tubers originated in Asia, Western Africa, and the Caribbean. They’re very similar to sweet potatoes in appearance, but they aren’t nearly as sweet. They also have white, yellow, purple, or pink flesh compared with sweet potatoes’ orange interior.

Yams are rich in potassium, with one cup (136 grams) having 19% of the DV.

3.    Bananas

When most people think of curing a potassium deficiency, bananas immediately come to mind. While other foods have higher potassium levels, bananas still boast around 9% of the DV or 422mg for an average-sized fruit. Besides this mineral, they have important vitamins such as B6 and C and various phytonutrients and antioxidants.

4.    Dried Fruit

If you have a potassium deficiency, dried fruit makes a delicious, healthy way to boost your intake. Since they’re shelf-stable, they won’t get moldy like fresh produce, so that you can enjoy them for quite some time.

Just 1/2 cup of dried apricots provides 16% of your daily allotment of potassium, and a whole cup boasts over 1,500 mg! They also have other essential nutrients like magnesium, phosphorus, and calcium and make a great addition to trail mixes.

If you’re not a fan of apricots, you could also try prunes, raisins, dried plums, peaches, or figs.

5.    Tomato Products

Tomato products such as juices, sauces, and pastes can help reverse a potassium deficiency. You can also eat tomatoes raw, but processed products contain higher potassium levels. In fact, just three tablespoons of tomato paste pack over 10% of your DV, or around 486mg.

You can get even more potassium from sun-dried tomatoes, which have over 1,800mg in just one cup! They’re also filled with protein, fiber, and vitamins and can boost immunity. In addition, tomatoes contain antioxidants such as lycopene that can lower inflammation, insulin resistance, and cancer risk.

6.    Seafood

Not everyone enjoys clams, but if you do, they can provide around 534mg of potassium in a 100-gram serving. Clams also have around 78% of the DV for selenium and generous amounts of iron and B12.

In addition, they’re high in protein and omega-3 fatty acids, which can lower inflammation and reduce the risk of various diseases.

Other types of seafood, such as lean and fatty fish, can increase your potassium intake. For example, half a fillet of cooked cod contains 12% of the recommended intake, and a whole fillet (150 grams) of haddock provides 11% of the DV.

Furthermore, half a fillet of cooked salmon offers a staggering 21% of the DV, and the same serving of tuna serves up 17% of the DV.

7.    Beans and Legumes

Most lentils and beans have tons of potassium, fiber, and other vital nutrients. For example, just 1 cup (179 grams) of white beans offers twice the amount of potassium as a banana, providing around 21% of the DV. The same serving of black beans boasts 17% of the DV. Kidney beans have over 600mg of potassium in one cup, making them a great choice.

Lentils also offer a hefty dose of potassium, containing about 15% of the DV for one cup. Other legumes such as chickpeas, soybeans, and peanuts provide 10%, 19%, and 23% for the same serving. In addition, all of these foods provide an excellent source of protein for vegans and vegetarians.

8.    Leafy Greens

Leafy greens provide a lot of potassium and other essential minerals to keep the body and mind functioning properly. For instance, a cup of cooked spinach contains over 800 mg, while the same serving of Swiss chard provides a whopping 1,000 mg of potassium, about 20% of your DV.

Plus, both of these green vegetables contain Vitamin A and K and magnesium, folate, and fiber. Since they’re low in calories, you can enjoy them without worrying about overeating.

potassium rich

Final Thoughts on Identifying a Potassium Deficiency

Sadly, a growing number of people worldwide suffer from a lack of this vital nutrient due to eating more processed foods. Plant foods such as greens, potatoes, and lentils have high potassium, but they take time to cook.

Since many people are pressed for time, they opt for fast food or other unhealthy options. However, getting back to the basics and eating from nature can restore our health and relationship with food.

If you have a potassium deficiency, you may notice abdominal pain, constipation, bloating, and brain fog. If you’re curious, you can ask your doctor for a blood test to check your nutrient levels.

7 Excuses A Liar Will Try To Give You

You asked for something or you expected things to turn out differently than they did. But now the liar talking to you is trying to give you one of these seven excuses about why they couldn’t do what you asked for.

We have all lied at some point in our lives, often to those we love most to avoid something we don’t want to do. Researchers believe that lying is a social construct that is useful to balance the power in relationships when the person you are lying to has more power than you do and you want to take away some of their power.

Let’s look at some of the seven excuses that a liar will try to give you are, and learn how to see them clearly.

7 Excuses A Liar Will Try To Give You

spot liars

1. There wasn’t enough time

A liar will try to give you this excuse when they mean that they didn’t have enough time for themselves. Someone who is lying to you about not having enough time to do whatever it is that you have asked for is saying that they wanted that time for themselves.

2. I forgot

A liar will use the excuse ‘I forgot’ because it wasn’t important to the liar. Forgetting something that was important to you means that the liar is excusing themselves from caring about you. This can hurt, but we also are prone to lapses of memory ourselves. If this is an excuse you have heard before, let the liar know it and make sure that they know you won’t tolerate their excuse either.

3. I’m really a good person

People may lie to maintain a false image if themselves. In other words, someone who thinks they are more attractive than they are might believe everyone is flirting with them. Believing the lie is better for their self-esteem than believing the truth so they choose to tell a lie.

4. I didn’t want to hurt you

Withholding the truth or even telling a white lie is sometimes thought of as okay in social settings to protect the feelings of another person. For example, if your partner asked if their outfit made them look fat, you might reply no, even if you thought that it did.

5. No one told me it was wrong

In a study of medical students’ ethics as they were supervised by faculty, researchers found that some students got mixed messages about whether or not it was okay lie to a patient about their likely health outcome. For example, faculty in one case said that saying that everything was okay after a successful surgery was not morally wrong, even if the patient’s overall health was still poor, because it was not a lie to say that the surgery itself went well.

Sometimes a liar will give you the excuse that they didn’t know it was wrong. This can be true if you fail to set good boundaries with people or if you fail to give consequences when you find out that you were lied to.

For example, you might tell your friends that you always want them to be honest with you, even if they think it might hurt your feelings. This way, you have made a clear statement of values for your friendship. If a friend lies and you find out about it, you might also tell them that there are consequences, like not helping them the next time they need it.

6. There’s a grey area

Things are not always black and white when it comes to the truth. There’s your side of the story, my side of the story and the truth which lies somewhere in between. Sometimes the words that a person uses to describe events are not the same ones that you would use to describe the same thing. That is the only difference between one version of an event and another perspective.

7. You would have done the same thing yourself if you had been there

Asking you to be empathetic is one way a liar will try to get you to see their side of the story. We have a self-serving bias when it comes to judging right and wrong when a lie is told, meaning that if we told the lie, we believe there was a justifiable reason, but if we find out that someone else told the same lie, we blame the other person more harshly for the same crime.

hidden motive

Psychologists call this the ‘fundamental attribution error’ of human logic that what someone else does is selfish. But when you do it it’s justifiable.

Researchers studying the reasons and consequences of lying found that ‘Two of three lies are told for selfish reasons, and three of four are told to social or economic superiors,’ meaning that we are more likely to lie to people who we think are wealthier or have more status than we do in order to level the playing field.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

 

 

What Being Left or Right-Handed Reveals About Your Thoughts

Left or right-handedness is something you might not give much thought to, unless you have to use lefty scissors. However, what it reveals about how you think might surprise you.

We have one brain but it has a left and right half. Scientists call these hemispheres, and they connect in the middle. Each hemisphere of your brain does different tasks. Indeed, whether you are right or left-handed relates to how you think about problem-solving, your preferences, and it is also related to other personality factors as well.

Let’s look at what being right- or left-handedness says about how you think compared to people who use the opposite hand.

What Being Left or Right-Handed Says About How You Think

Researchers in the Journal of Experimental Psychology created an experiment where people looked at fictional characters called Fribbles and chose either a Fribble on the right or on the left column that looked the most trustworthy, attractive, smart, and other traits. They found that right-handed people had a bias toward selecting the Fribble on the right and left-handed people toward selecting the one on the left.

Related article: What Does Your Birth Order Reveal About Your Personality?

This side-bias also reflects negative traits but in reverse. For example, when asked to pick which Fribble is the most deceptive, unattractive, or unintelligent, right-handed people choose the Fribble on the left. Conversely, left-handed people chose the one on the right. Clearly, we associate good things with the side that our dominant hand is, and we associate bad things with things that are on the side of our opposite hand.

Awareness of this side-bias is helpful to make sure you are thinking clearly when making decisions. If you know that you tend to prefer things on the right side of the aisle, see what you’re missing on the left. Mind blowing!

Side Dominance

Are “righties” also right-eye or right-leg dominant? It appears that this is the case for most people. Only about 1% of the population is ambidextrous, meaning that they can equally use their left or right hand. Being one-side dominant in how you approach everything from dancing to sighting a target makes you different than your other-side-dominant friends.

How Right-Handed People Think and Their Personality Traits

The good news for right-handed thinkers:

  • Right-handed people have it easier at school than left-handed people. Conversely, teachers often encouraged lefties to change hands when writing.
  • Right-handed people score higher on intelligence tests. But testing is not everything, right?
  • Right-handed people live an average of nine years longer.

The bad news for right-handed thinkers:

Right-handed people have very few downsides to being right-handed. However, they may fail to see the more creative left-handed way of thinking as a viable option. Not being able to see more creative solutions may limit a right-handed person’s thinking to fewer options.

Related article: What Does The Day Of The Week You Were Born On Reveal About Your Personality?

One other small piece of bad news for right-handed thinkers; a study of psychiatric patients found that ‘among psychotics in general there was a higher proportion of fully right-handed subjects.’ Being right-handed does not cause you to be psychotic, it’s just that coincidentally more psychotics use their right hand than their left.

How Left-Handed People Think And Their Personality Traits

The good news for left-handed thinkers:

The bad news for left-handed thinkers:

Left-handed thinkers have to adapt to a world created by right-handed people. From your computer desk layout to the can-opener, you find struggles in places that the right-handed majority cannot appreciate. Here are a few differences in how left-handed people think.

Other interesting facts about left-handed people

Interestingly enough, being left or right-handed might be coincidentally connected to sexual preference. Researchers found that gay participants in a study were 50% more often left-handed than heterosexual people in the study. Homosexual men had 82% greater odds of being non-right-handed than heterosexual men. However,  the difference was only 22% greater odds of gay women being non-right-handed than heterosexual women.

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