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7 Ways To Get The Respect You Deserve

Respect is a basic human need, and every single human deserves respect, although we don’t always know how to get it. In this article, we will look at some ways to ask for and get the respect that you deserve.

Abraham Maslow wrote about self-respect and respect for others in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” that lists a hierarchy of needs, starting with our most basic, functional needs and progressing to higher levels of emotional fulfillment needs. Maslow said that ‘Satisfaction of the self-esteem need leads to feelings of self-confidence, worth, strength, capability and adequacy of being useful and necessary in the world.’

Because we live in a society where we rely on others to provide things that we do not make ourselves, this need for respect is almost as necessary as the need for food, water, and shelter. Failing to feel respected can lead to depressed mood and feelings of low self-worth.

7 Ways To Get The Respect You Deserve

When you think about the people you most respect and admire, they are selflessly confident in how they carry themselves and in how they act. This self-confidence comes from asking for, and getting the respect that they deserve. You can learn to do this too and have people respect you as a role model for exceptional behavior.

respect

1. Ask for it

Some people, especially jealous or stingy people, are unlikely to give you respect unless you tell them to do so. By not asking for it, you imply that you don’t need it or expect it. Direct people are able to state their needs without fearing what will happen if they do.

2. Use your very best posture

Standing erect states to others that you refuse to be disrespected because you are not a spineless person. The expressions that we use come from the postures that we use to communicate to others with our bodies and the term ‘spineless’ comes from this.

3. Use effective eye contact

Looking down, looking to the side, looking up; looking everywhere except at the person who is speaking to you means that you are not going to get the respect you deserve. Meet the gaze of anyone you are dealing with, confidently, and competently by using these tools.

Related article: 5 Ways To Spot Someone With Hidden Motives

Staring is rude and is seen as aggressive, but making solid eye contact is assertive. Try looking at one eye of the person you are facing until you notice you have been looking at the eye for a long time, move your gaze to the eyebrow above the eye for a brief second, then to the other eye. After a length of eye contact with that eye, again move your gaze to the eyebrow and then back to the first eye.

Looking at the eyebrow or the area above the eye is a way of asserting dominance over the person you are speaking with. Looking lower than the eye level is a sign of being passive. These subtle eye contact clues are the ways that people use to judge whether or not you think you deserve respect for yourself.

4. Keep track of your success and be ready to tell others about it

You do more than you think you do, whether it is for your family, your boss or your friends. In fact, you may have forgotten some of your best achievements, just because you didn’t take enough time to congratulate yourself on that achievement.

Being able to tell others about your past success helps them to see what a capable person you are, while at the same time affirming that to yourself as you say the words aloud to someone else. Researchers studying respect and cooperation found that people who feel respected are more likely to contribute more to a group work environment.

Tell yourself ‘I did an amazing job today on ___ and I’m so proud of myself.’ What you would say to your boss, for example, sounds more like this ‘I approved the payroll and I finished the presentation for tomorrow and it’s only 11:00. Do you have other responsibilities that you could delegate to me?’ This says that you are capable by giving specific examples of your work efficiencies and lets your boss know that you can handle more as well.

5. Get used to other people being unhappy with you

When you set appropriate boundaries, you are more likely to get the respect you deserve. However, you are also more likely to make other people unhappy. Let yourself be okay with not having to please others. You are more important, and if you are asking for something you need, do not back down because the other person is unhappy about it.

6. Avoid rising inflection

Do not make your statements into questions. A rising tone to your voice at the end of a statement sounds like a question. Asking, instead of stating what you need is the difference between getting what you want and letting other people choose for you.

lack of respect

Related article: 7 Things Introverts Need to Know About Relationships

7. Command it

Insist upon getting respect when you feel disrespected. Tell people exactly what behavior they did or words that they used to disrespect you, and tell them what you need them to say to you or do for you instead. Do not accept less than what you deserve.

(C) Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The 28 Day Plank Challenge: Melt Stomach Fat in 2-4 Minutes

Nowadays, it seems complicated to fit exercise into our daily routines, but keeping up our physical health can prevent disease and overall fatigue. Many men and women find that their belly gives them the most trouble and want to find an exercise that genuinely works but doesn’t take much time out of their day. You’ll be happy to know that doing this ONE two- to four-minute plank exercise can help you blast through the belly fat while not spending too much time on the activity itself.

You might wonder how this can work so well since you don’t need much time, but this exercise can transform your waistline in just 28 days! They call it the “28 Day Plank Challenge.” You obtain results from this exercise by slowly building your strength and endurance for a month because you exercise in increments to increase stamina.

Doing This ONE Two to Four Minute Exercise Every Day Melts Belly Fat

Because you must work your body a bit harder each day, it works to build strength and create lasting changes. Plus, you will likely feel the burn in other body parts that you use during this exercise, such as your legs and arms. The plank challenge begins in Week One with just 30 to 45 second holds, but it builds over time onto the final week, where you will maintain the planks for three or four minutes at a time.

Planks

The Plank Challenge

Although this challenge only takes one month to do, you should continue incorporating exercises into your daily routine once you complete the challenge. This will give you a kickstart to a more healthy habit and lifestyle, but you must work to keep it up once the 28 days pass to maintain your strength and endurance. Here’s the plan for the 28-day challenge:

Day by day planks

  • Day 1 – 20 seconds
  • 2 – 20 seconds
  • 3 – 30 seconds
  • 4 – 30 seconds
  • 5 – 40 seconds
  • 6 – rest
  • 7 – 45 seconds
  • 8 – 45 seconds
  • 9 – 60 seconds
  • 10 – 60 seconds
  • 11 – 60 seconds
  • 12 – 90 seconds
  • 13 – rest
  • 14 – 90 seconds
  • 15 – 90 seconds
  • 16 – 120 seconds
  • 17 – 120 seconds
  • 18 – 150 seconds
  • 19 – rest
  • 20 – 150 seconds
  • 21 – 150 seconds
  • 22 – 180 seconds
  • 23 – 180 seconds
  • 24 – 210 seconds
  • 25 – rest
  • 26 – 210 seconds
  • 27 – 240 seconds.
  • 28 – As long as you can

Plank Safety

To do the plank safely and effectively, keep your ab muscles tight, your shoulders aligned directly over your elbows, your neck and spine neutral, shoulders down and back, and only your toes, forearms, and hands touching the floor. You don’t want to slouch, arch your back, lift your head, or move your neck and spine out of alignment.

Also, you might wonder how the plank works so well at engaging and strengthening the abs. Well, according to fitness instructors and researchers, the plank trains the abs to do precisely what they need to. Dr. Glenn Wright, an associate professor of exercise science at the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse, said this:

“A lot of strength trainers realized that the main function of the abs is to stop, not start, motion, and the plank came out of what the abs are asked to do—resist the spine from moving, such as when fighting off an opponent, and strengthening the lower back.”

Traditional ab exercises, such as the crunch or sit-up, require the lower back to become strained and flattened against the floor, resulting in lower back pain.

“When you teach sit-ups, you tell the person to flatten his back to the floor, which alone could cause pain in the lower back—the same condition strengthening your abs is supposed to prevent. Conversely, planks prevent lower-back pain,” Wright said.

Not to mention, the plank works more than just the abs, unlike sit-ups and crunches. It engages the shoulders, legs, arms, and buttocks and can even help with balance if you take the planks one step further and lift an arm or leg. Plank exercises also don’t come with many hazards, making them safe and easy for anyone to do.

In the fitness industry, planks have been underrated for a while now. Still, many people have realized their actual benefits and effectiveness in becoming more robust and decreasing belly fat.

15 Additional Ways to Melt Belly Fat (Besides Doing Plank Exercises)

Doing a plank challenge isn’t the only way to lose weight in your mid-region. Here are some other scientifically backed methods to melt that stubborn belly fat.

exercise recovery

1. Consume More Protein

Protein is your friend when it comes to weight management. When you fill-up on protein, it makes you feel fuller, which decreases your appetite. It’s all caused by the fullness hormone called PYY. People who consume more protein than fat have lower abdominal weight. You can eat things like:

  • Fish
  • Eggs
  • Meat
  • Dairy
  • Beans and legumes

2. Avoid Trans Fats

Trans fats are notorious for causing blubber in the midsection. This fat is made by chemically altering unsaturated fats and putting hydrogen into them. This toxic substance is in margarine, soybean oil, and packaged foods will find this harmful substance.

These fats directly linked to insulin resistance, belly fat, inflammation, and heart disease. According to the National Library of Medicine, a study was conducted over six years to evaluate monkeys who consumed trans fats verse ones who didn’t eat them. They found that the monkeys who consumed this type had thirty percent more abdominal fat than those who ate more monounsaturated varieties.

It’s essential to check your labels as trans-fat comes in many chips, snack cakes, and other processed foods. Additionally, always use real butter over margarine.

3. Avoid Sugary Sweets

Consuming sugar in abundance is known to cause numerous chronic diseases, like diabetes and fatty liver. Refined sugars, like the ones you find in snack cakes, cereals, and ice cream, cause weight gain, which will impact your midsection. Try alternative sweeteners like honey and blackstrap molasses sparingly.

4. Use a Food Journal

Many people have no idea what they consume daily, and it can be scary when you keep track. Keeping a food journal is an excellent way to know what’s going into your system. When accountable for each bite it’s easier to manage your intake and avoid weight gain in the midsection and other areas.

5. Try Intermittent Fasting

Intermittent fasting has become increasingly popular as folks cycle from periods of eating to fasting. Some people observe a 24 hour fast twice each week, while others prefer to eat everything within eight hours. A study cited by the National Library of Medicine showed that those who used intermittent fasting had an average of seven percent less belly fat than those who used traditional dieting methods.

6. Eat Your Calories, Don’t Drink Them

Like alcoholic beverages, consuming fruit juice and soda can add weight to your midsection. Drinking a few sodas per day seems harmless, but it can pack on the pounds. Try switching to sugar-free drinks to combat weight gain, and the more water you drink, the better.

7. Avoid Alcohol

Any benefits you derive from alcohol can be achieved by consuming small amounts. If you drink alcoholic beverages in abundance, it can cause you to gain abdominal fat. You’ve heard people talk about a “beer belly.” Well, there’s some truth behind those puns.

Folks who have a heavy alcohol consumption are more likely to put on fat in the belly region. A study using 2,000 participants was conducted to verify these claims. Researchers found that those who consumed more than one drink per day had more significant belly fat than those who had one or fewer drinks each day. The key when it comes to alcohol is in moderation.

8. Add More Fish to Your Diet

Fish doesn’t get near the nutritional clout it deserves. Eating fatty fish like herring, salmon, and mackerel is very healthy for you, as it contains omega-3 fats and quality proteins.

These healthy fats will help reduce visceral fat, which adds to abdominal weight gain. Those folks with a larger midsection have an increased chance of developing fatty liver disease, so incorporating more fish into your diet can help.

9. Kick Stress Out of Your Life

While there’s no way to illuminate stress completely, you can find better ways to manage it. When your body is under pressure, it produces stress hormones that cause you to gain abdominal fat.

Those with a larger waist tend to have a more significant production of cortisol in their bodies, and the increased presence of this hormone causes further weight gain in the midsection. It’s imperative to minimize stress for your mental and physical health.

10. Incorporate Soluble Fiber into Your Diet

Unlike other fiber types, the soluble variety turns to a gel as it absorbs liquids in your stomach. The benefit of this gel-like substance is that it can slow the food from passing through your digestive system. Did you know that fiber can promote weight loss?

It makes you feel fuller so that you eat less. When you decrease the number of calories you intake, you will effortlessly lose weight. Try foods like flax seeds, avocados, blackberries, and Brussel sprouts to load up on soluble fiber.

11. Get Six to Eight Hours of Sleep

Are you getting enough sleep each night? Folks who get 6-8 hours fare much better than those who have a poor sleep schedule. Studies reported by the National Library of Medicine prove that sleep can impact your health and weight, specifically your abdominal area.

Over 16 years, researchers observed 68,000 women. Those who slept for five hours or less had more abdominal fat than those who got seven or more hours each night.

Additionally, those with the medical condition known as sleep apnea had more visceral fat than others. Getting quality sleep is imperative for your overall wellbeing.

12. Add Apple Cider Vinegar to Your Day

ACV has some awe-inspiring health benefits that we cannot deny. First, it can help lower your glucose levels, and second, research posted by the National Library of Medicine shows that it reduces abdominal fat storage causing a slimmer midsection. The study was conducted on men over twelve weeks.

Each guy took one tablespoon of ACV, and each lost a half-inch or more from their waist. By taking just one to two tablespoons each day, you can reduce overall abdominal fat.

13. Consume Probiotic Foods

In many foods and supplements available, there are gut-enhancing probiotics. These bacteria are full of health benefits, and they will enhance your immune system’s function. Bacteria play a significant role in your weight regulation, and having the right balance of these good bacteria can help you lose midsection fat.

When buying a supplement, make sure you get one with beneficial bacteria strains, as they’re not all created equal.

14. Reduce Carb Intake

Everyone is on a low-carb kick these days, but this might be the way to lose belly fat. Simple carbs are those that fill sugary snacks, soda, and pasta. However, studies have shown that eating under fifty carbs per day can help you lose excess stomach fat.

You don’t need to be on the Atkins or Keto diet to benefit. Just replace refined sugars and starchy items with better options. According to the National Library of Medicine, eating whole grains can reduce your belly fat by up to 17 percent, so making a few changes can have a significant impact.

15. Drink Green Tea Each Day

When you need to quench your thirst and water won’t do, reach for green tea. The caffeine in this tea helps boost metabolism, and it can help get rid of that midsection bulge. The consumption of this tea has been linked to weight loss, specifically when combined with exercise.

modified burpees

Final Thoughts on Performing Plank Exercises to Shrink Belly Fat

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a magic solution to losing the unsightly belly fat? While exercise is a great place to start, you also need to incorporate healthy eating and other habits into your day.

By adopting a few of the strategies listed above, you can help lose that fat that seems to settle around your midsection. Plus, when you’re eating and living healthy, you will lose fat in other places.

What Does Your Headache Reveal About Your Health?

Headaches and migraines are among the most frustrating and prevalent pains that we can experience. Even a minor pain in our head area can make us less willing and able to tackle everyday tasks.

The most common types of headaches are migraines, tension headaches, and sinus headaches. Generally, headaches will begin will a type of dull pain that tends to increase in severity as the ailment progresses. Depending upon the type of headache, the pain tends to target different areas of the head. One common denominator for most headaches is that the pain gradually resides over a period of time.

Contrary to popular belief, headaches can surface for a number of different reasons. These reasons include diet, level of hydration, work and/or home environments, and our overall health. Additionally, headaches can also point out potential health problem areas.

Most times, headaches are relatively harmless. However, in rare instances, a headache may be a sign of a severe condition such as aneurism, stroke, brain tumor or bleeding of the brain. Obviously, if a headache is prolific or lasts an inordinate length of time, you should see a doctor. This includes what is termed a “thunderclap headache,” or one that comes on suddenly and invokes severe pain.

What does your headache reveal about your health?

 

headache

1. Tension headache: Stress and anxiety

Topping our list is the tension headache, by far the most common type of headache people suffer from. Tension headache pain is constant, concentrating around the temples or near the back of the head and neck. Additionally, someone can feel the intense pain above and below the eyes.

Medical professionals believe that this type of headache is caused by the contracting of neck and scalp muscles, which is a common reaction to stress and/or anxiety. It is common for severe tension headaches to be mistaken for migraines. However, migraines produce more side effects than tension headaches such as dizziness, nausea and vomiting.

Ginger tea is terrific for reducing inflammation, which may help reduce or eliminate pain. Adding peppermint oil to the hairline can relax the muscles around the head and neck, which further alleviates the pain. Combining these two ingredients may just prove to be the exact cure we need!

2. Migraine: Unhealthy Diet and Lifestyle

Migraines affect nearly 40 million people in the United States and can be debilitating in nature. Pain experienced during a migraine is severe and recurring, with the pain often throbbing on one side of the head. In approximately 30 percent of migraine episodes, the pain effects both sides of the head. It is common for migraine pain to radiate from the head’s top and move downward.

Of all headache conditions, migraines have the most prolific neurological side effects. The laundry list of symptoms includes: dizziness, sensitivity to sound and light, visual disturbances, tingling and numbness of the face, along with nausea and/or vomiting.

Genetics and environmental factors may play a role in one’s susceptibility to migraine headaches. A diet lacking in nutrition may also have an effect, in particular eating a disproportionate amount of processed and salty foods. Unhealthy sleep patterns, and overconsumption of medication may also trigger a migraine episode.

B12 vitamins and omega-3 fatty acids can help alleviate migraine pain. So getting adequate aerobic exercise may help deter migraine headache episodes. Some people have reported the benefits of aerobic exercise in treating migraines actually negated the need to continue on medication!

3. Sinus headache: Dehydration or overusing medication

Sinus headaches are another common type that may reveal certain unhealthy lifestyle habits. As the name indicates, sinus headaches are a direct result of problems within the sinus area – behind the nose’s bridge and inside the forehead or cheekbones. When these oxygen-filled areas become inflamed – often due to allergic reaction or infection (the most common reasons) – the paths to drain mucus from the sinus become blocked. This blockage can result in sinus pain that feels very much like a headache.

You might feel the continuous and often severe pain resulting from a sinus headache inside of the cheekbones, forehead, or bridge of the nose. It is common for those suffering from a sinus headache to experience increasing pain as the head is moved around. In addition to pain, sinus headaches generally include other symptoms such as a runny nose, fever, or swelling of the face.

As mentioned, most sinus headaches are the direct result of allergies or infection. However, sinus headaches may also occur due to overuse of decongestants or pain-relieving medications. These pain symptoms can be exacerbated by inadequate hydration.

It should come as no surprise, then, that drinking plenty of fluids is important for the alleviation of sinus headaches. Sinus inflammation may be reduced by drinking warm water or tea. Vitamin C is terrific for warding off potential infections, and fresh ginger contains anti-inflammatory and painkilling properties without the need for potent medication.

5 Ways To Help Someone Who Is Emotionally Suffering

Emotional suffering is part of our lives. We live in the duality of happiness and sad, dark and light, balance and imbalance. We cannot escape the disruption of events that happen throughout the journey. Without the pain, how could we find joy? There is an old Buddhist proverb that says, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Unfortunately, while you are in the turmoil of suffering emotionally, it’s very hard to see this. We are filled with dread and desperation. The sadness takes over and sometimes we just need a helping hand.

Here are 5 ways to help someone who is suffering emotionally:

1. Reach out in a loving manner.

While we are in a black hole of depression or anxiety, we do not see light. The last thing you want to do is tell another person who is in pain to not be in pain. The first step to helping someone is to eliminate judgment and criticism. Just because you see things differently, it doesn’t allow them to see it with your senses. Allow that person to know they are loved. They are cherished. Get them help through a therapist or just speaking about the issues.

Oftentimes, the one thing that they think is the cause of the pain is not the real issue. Emotions mask other events. A volcano of feelings begin to surface. They hide deep in the mind. Don’t push this person too quickly. Don’t pull them to “snap out of it.” Just be there as a lifeline and allow that person to reach that rope. Feeling secure is a beautiful token of appreciation. Do not take over. Do not try to control the situation.

2. Laugh.

Laughter is one of the greatest healers. Making light of the situation is helpful in distracting the pain. Provide that person with time to find joy. Ask them to join you in watching a funny film. Go watch kids play in a park. Tell stories of happy moments in the past. Reminding that person of better times helps to jolt the senses. This is not going to last forever.

An article from the Mayo Clinic states that laughter has amazing short and long term effects. “It simulates many organs; activates and relieves stress response; soothes tension; improve immune system; relieve pain; and increase personal satisfaction.”

3. Join them in a healthy cry.

Being vulnerable is one of the hardest things in our lives. It’s hard to show the rawness of who we are. Helping that person release those tears is an emotional discharge. To witness another fully exposed in their humanness helps them to feel they are not alone. Share experiences. Console them without stopping the emotions from overflowing. You are not there to solve the problem.

Research from the University of South Florida by psychologists Jonathan Rottenberg and Lauren M. Bylsma found that,”the majority of respondents (out of 3,000 people) reported improvements in their mood following a bout of crying.” Allowing someone to release is a way of providing support. This gives time for the grieving to take place. Every release allows for a new beginning.

4. Go outdoors.

Being outside in the sun helps the body generate vitamins. Taking a walk, a short hike, or just sitting on the grass helps us feel hopeful. Nature is the greatest medicine for depression. It forces you out of the doom of a house. Gentle activities help increase hormones to the brain. According to a study in the University of Michigan, nature walks enhance mental health and positivity. Being outdoors helps improve your outlook, focusing abilities, and help strengthen your immune system. This is called “Ecotherapy” and it is the most natural way of readjusting your attitude. In recent studies, ecotherapy has helped people with mental illnesses get off pharmaceutical drugs and heal from simply being outdoors.

5. Help them forgive.

Forgiveness is rarely for the person who caused us pain. Forgiving means letting go of the resentment, anger, and pain. It’s a gift we give to the self. Allowing this person to share and release is part of the process. Everything that happens to us serves as a lesson in our path. It’s not easy to forgive, but the alternative is an induced lifelong punishment that stumps our growth. Motivational speaker and author, Steve Maraboli says,“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

It’s difficult to witness a loved one going through an emotional crisis. Remember to be kind, gentle and compassionate with those who are hurt. It’s important to remind them they are worthy. The greatest gift you can provide another is the feeling of being loved, acknowledged and heard.

Related article: How To Release Attachments To Emotional Wounds

5 Behaviors That Make People Give Up On Love (And How To Heal From Them)

Falling in love is the most amazing human experience. Unfortunately, not all relationships are destined to last forever. Failed relationships leave us with a sense of rejection and the inability to give of ourselves again. The end of a union happens for many reasons, which can turn into a source of tremendous psychological trauma and anguish.

Here are 5 behaviors that make people give up on love (and how to heal from them):

be with someone who will take care of you

1. Rejection and feelings of unworthiness.

Relationships based on selfishness leave us feeling rejected and unworthy. Some unions leave us drained. They kidnap our emotional bodies and hold them for ransom. It takes years of therapy and regaining our worth to trust again. The trauma remains even when we entertain the idea of falling in love again. When we allow another to hold our worth, we have basically stopped living.

Begin to pamper yourself. Make time for yourself to do things you enjoy. You are worth more than anyone could possibly know. Get to know that amazing person. You cannot stop loving yourself. You cannot stop living. Sure, things are tough, but you get to decide how much of that story will dictate your future.

2. Being controlled and abused.

It takes an extremely insecure person to control and abuse another. And, the trail of destruction that it leaves, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, is astronomical. It may take years of not looking over your shoulder, or stop questioning your motifs to yourself. It can take decades of not trusting another individual. But, until you face the story, you will continue to attract similar situations into your life. It might not be a lover, it might be a co-worker. These events can catapult you into setting healthy boundaries.

Sometimes we excuse the behaviors and don’t even know that it’s actually abusive. In an article in PsychCentral, Marni Feuerman shares that there are many forms of abuse: “Domestic violence is once again in the forefront of the news. This is in part due to abusive incidents with sports figures or celebrities that have become very public. Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or cussed out. In fact, it can very well be underhanded or subtle.”

Abuse is intolerable. It’s inexcusable. No ways around it. A controlling person is someone who is narcissistic in nature and cannot deal with anything that they can’t control. It’s a mental disorder. Do not take this on for the rest of your life. You have survived. You have moved past craziness. Get help. Talk about it. The stories we keep inside make for monsters in the dark. You are not alone.

3. Cheating.

“More than 90% of Americans believe infidelity is unacceptable, yet 30-40% of people engage in it. Infidelity is associated with adverse outcomes such as depression, domestic violence, divorce, even homicide” via Psychology Today. Why do people cheat? They cheat for various reasons such as circumstances, lack of communication, loss of self-esteem, narcissistic behaviors, and challenges. It’s inexcusable, but it’s never impossible. Just because you’ve been cheated on does not mean you’ve done anything wrong. This person has decided to go off and destroy the relationship. We can partake only so much on that blame. In many cases, cheaters tend to enjoy the secret double lives. It’s a rush not to get caught.

You can’t avoid what has happened. You can trust again. Not everyone cheats. When you look back at your relationship you might see red flags that weren’t there at the time. You have become wise about this type of behavior and, therefore, you won’t be attracting it again. Do not let one cheater ruin your chances to find happiness in love again. You will be wiser. However, you also don’t want to be controlling or apprehensive in your new relationships. You don’t want to be Sherlock Holmes looking at every text or checking social media. Trust!

Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ~Steve Maraboli

4. Personality conflicts.

Let’s face it – not everyone should be together. We meet people. We fall in love, and then we learn that they aren’t compatible with us. Personalities clash. It’s not right or wrong. It could be education, careers, family, or motivation. Some people seem one way, and once you are in the intimate stages of a relationship they get comfortable and show who they really are. It’s okay.

You can be more selective about who you open yourself to, but you don’t have to shut down completely. Love is meant to be shared and given chances. Every relationship that you’ve experienced has taught you something about yourself. If you care to look at it with an open mind and heart, you will notice that each one of those individuals handed some power lessons. Allow for those lessons to move you to show you the next love of your life.

5. Judgment and criticism.

You’ve been judged, scrutinized, called names, and criticized. You don’t ever want to be in that type of relationship again. You don’t have to! You’re not responsible for their behavior. You are only responsible for how you have reacted to that behavior. You don’t have to own the past judgment. We are what we carry and give thought to.

Not every person will be nasty. There are loving, generous and compassionate souls who want to share a life with you. Just because you were in a bad relationship it doesn’t mean they are all going to be putting you down. You’ve evolved from that. Take notice that by sheltering yourself or isolating your greatness you are stopping another person from meeting a fantastic soul. You’re not allowing another person who has been hurt to experience goodness. You can fall in love again. You can show another how to truly love by providing the examples of you.

As you move through all the trauma and hurt, remember that forgiveness is the greatest healing factor in moving on. You forgive yourself for being in that relationship. You get to forgive the situation so you can be free and start over.

If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

8 Behaviors That Create Anxiety (And How To Avoid Having Them)

As per the American Psychology Association, anxiety is defined as “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry.” There is a difference between worrying about something and anxious thoughts. Anxiety circles around and around creating challenges to every situation. About 18% of our population struggles with anxiety. So how can we get a handle on this disorder?

Here are 8 behaviors that create anxiety (and how to avoid having them):

anxiety

1. Avoidance

By avoiding the issue that causes stress, you are actually creating more anxiety. Avoidance is shoveling dirt under a rug and then wondering why you keep tripping over the mount every time you walk near it. The issues are still there. The more you fight to shut them out of the mind, the stronger they become.

It may seem reasonable to avoid the fears, but if you gently address the situation, you could put it aside. When we avoid one fear, we create another in its place. The best advice is to handle the fear, gently addressing circumstances, and slowly try to handle what is causing them. When we finally face our demons, they can’t hurt us anymore.

2. Denial

Are you aware that you are suffering from anxiety? Denial causes other underlying disorders such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or other phobias. It can lead to severe depression. Denial is a psychological mechanism that we use when things are too uncomfortable to face. Many psychoanalysts have come to believe that denial is perhaps the first stage of coping with a situation, event, trauma, or experience.

Ask yourself if you are indeed inflicted by fears and phobias that control your thoughts. Denial is often the first step to acceptance. But, until you face the truth, you cannot heal from it.

3. Expectations

Expectations are strong beliefs that something will happen in the future. We place them as targets, and when they don’t happen, we spin out of control. An expectation is a controlled instrument. We utilize it as a safety net for what should happen. However, we have little control on what will happen in the future. So, we are crushed when our expectations get tarnished. This causes tremendous anxiety. We were sure that the plan was going to happen just as we had envisioned.

Expectations are anomalies. They serve as nothing but disappointments. What you continue to put forth as assurance is not always going to come out the way you want. Stop putting expectations in your life. Anxiety arrives in those times that we don’t get what we want. You had a set plan. It didn’t happen, and now you are depressed and stressed because you cannot find another solution. There is always another way. Nothing in life is set in stone.

4. Reassurance

If you are constantly needing the reassurance from others, you most likely suffer from anxiety. By asking and rechecking in with other people, you are reinforcing an irrational mindset that’s affecting your core understanding. Reassurance leads to an unhealthy belief in your own worth and esteem. If you are constantly worrying about what others think, your anxiety will always be elevated.

Trust in your own opinion. If you have to make a decision, believe in yourself to acquire the best plan of action. It’s good to share your thoughts with others, but living by what they judge, criticize and tell you is not healthy. It causes stress and escalates anxieties. You have all the answers within you. Trust in that!

5. Relying Only On Medication

Medication is helpful, but to rely only on a magic pill is irresponsible. Eventually the medication can stop working and the fears will still be there. Commonly prescribed medications such as Xanax, Valium, and Ativan provide a calming effect by boosting the brain’s neurotransmitters. These are called gamma-amnobutyric acid (GABA) and they work in the same way that opioids (such as Heroin) works. These neurotransmitters create a sense of gratification caused by hormones such as dopamine. It’s a false sense of dealing with the anxiety.

Medication helps with stress and anxiety disorders, but it’s no substitute for the long term behavioral programming. In order to live a healthy life, you must rely on positive reinforcements to help ease those thoughts. Exercise, spending time outdoors, meditation, or even listening to music help in reestablishing healthy manners of dealing with the doom of fears. Taking care of yourself while loving and respecting your health will help reprogram the brain. When you are happy, you release natural feel-good hormones.

6. Drugs and Alcohol

Drugs and alcohol can provide a momentary sense of ease with anxiety, but its long term effects are deadly. Substance abuse escalates through depression, anxiety and other mental disorders. Most people numb themselves through these substances and then become addicted to them in order to function.

Using alcohol and drugs to aid with anxiety causes other problems and imbalances your mental state. If you find yourself already dependent, please get help. You are masking the phobias with another issue. Addiction becomes a permanent problem for a temporary solution.

7. Helplessness

The negative self-talks, feeling as if you are insane, sleep disturbances, and believing something is wrong with you are all part of the helplessness that arrives with anxiety. If these behavioral issues are not addressed, they can turn into severe depression and even lead to suicide. Helplessness becomes a spiral-down staircase to hell.

In order to combat this monster, you must let go of the future. You must learn to live now. Helplessness is deteriorating. It’s just like expectations in that you are bound to be hugely disappointed. For a person suffering from anxiety, it’s difficult to hear, “Just let it go.” It’s not that easy. The brain creates scenarios and confirms the disasters. But, when the anxiety kicks in you have the power to substitute the mindset with something positive. Go create, paint, write, or dance. Do something that brings you joy.

8. Psychoanalysis

Anxiety is a faulty activation that becomes your fight or flight system. It’s healthy to have therapy. It’s important to examine the issues from trauma and past circumstances. The overuse of psychoanalysis can sometimes hinder your healing. In many instances, environmental factors and genetics play a huge role in anxiety. It’s important to address the issues that are going now and not get stuck in the past.

We learn from our behaviors and past experiences. We can be guided to make better choices and work towards a healthy lifestyle. Behavior modification is important when dealing with anxiety. The over dosages of psychoanalysis, returning to those painful events, stumps your process. The constant re-examining of past events do not allow for you to see your present situation.

“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.” ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Related article: 10 Things People With Anxiety Wish You Would Do

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