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How To Solve An Argument With Your Partner In 3 Steps

An argument are a normal part of a relationship, but they don’t have to be a constant headache when there is a fairly simple solution to solving them.

You and your partner are two different people with different needs, so having conflict is normal. The art of negotiating is something that is worth your time to master because it will help you in other areas of your life as well, not just with your relationship.

How To Solve An Argument With Your Partner In 3 Steps

Problems in a relationship can come from a huge range of topics from financial to sexual. Communication with calm, honest expression of feelings is the way to solve these problems in just a few steps. Remember that communication includes both listening and talking and that listening is the more important of the two.

Arguing fair is important for couples during the discussion process, so let’s review the rules of engagement according to psychologist and couples counselor Dr. Nathan Cobb.

Start by agreeing to abide by these fair fighting rules:

  • No degrading language (name calling, cursing, belittling)
  • No blaming
  • Don’t use raised voices or yelling
  • No violence or threats of violence
  • No threats of divorce
  • Focus on your own needs, not what you think your partner’s are
  • Focus on today, not the past
  • Take turns speaking

These are the ground rules before you start working on bringing peace to your arguments, but you may want to add more depending on you and your partner’s personal boundaries about what is and isn’t off limits.

1. Manage your own emotional response

Anger and frustration are typically the most common emotions that people experience when they are having an argument in their relationship. Anger has the potential to become violent if it is not managed. Slow your breathing down before speaking and if needed, take a five-minute walk while distracting yourself with a good song.

Fear or anxiety is possible when you worry that your partner may leave you. Think about any worries that you have now and remind yourself that fear is about what might happen in the future, not what you can do right now.

Sadness or feelings of depression is certainly normal when you are having problems in your relationship. Sadness means that you need something that you aren’t getting, so this is a great place to start looking at what you really need in your relationship. Think about how you would finish this sentence: ‘I’m sad because I need more ____ in my life.’

2. Give your partner’s argument some time and perspective

Now that you’ve given your emotions a thought, think about whether this is a situation that needs to be handled right now or if it can be put on hold. Researchers at the University of California at Irvine sound that people who were not able to manage anger with strategies such as taking a time-out had fewer and lower quality romantic, social, and occupational relationships.

Your partner is so frustrating at times. Why can’t they see things from your perspective from time to time? Good point, and yet, have you tried to see things from their perspective?

Related article: 10 Reasons To Have Sex Daily

When the argument continues, it is difficult for either of you to gather your thoughts beyond the immediate gut response of yes/no or good/bad. The issue is deeper than that because someone is not getting his or her needs met.

Unless a decision is needed urgently, even as little as 2-5 minutes of quiet peace can calm your mind enough to start gaining some insight into how to resolve your differences. It can also help you see how important this issue is to your partner and that means it’s worth your time and consideration.

3. Ask for what you need

Each of you should now take a few minutes to express what you need from the relationship that you are currently not getting. This should be very specific with what you want your partner to do for you.

For example ‘I need to feel secure in our relationship’ is vague because it does not define what you expect from your partner. Instead you could say ‘I need you to be honest and tell me when you talk to members of the opposite sex.’

Related article: 5 Little Things That Will Improve Your Relationship

Couples counseling is a healthy option for those who might need an impartial person to listen to the argument from an unbiased perspective and offer suggestions for how to solve things. If you and your partner have tried to work things out and are still committed to each other, look for a licensed therapist in your area.

Some relationship problems can be solved with communication training programs. According to a study in The Journal of Family Psychology ‘It has been shown that five to six sessions of relationship education with a skills-training focus reliably improve couple communication.’ Licensed counselors are also available who will work with you via video phone call. There are counseling apps and counseling by text available now as well. Check out all of your therapy options before you or your partner throw in the towel.

(C) Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

13 Yoga Poses That Melt Away Stress

Stress is a serious health risk that can be easily eliminated from your life by trying these 13 easy yoga poses. The simplicity of holding a pose while breathing deeply allows the muscles to release stress. The mind is also able to rest through yoga by focusing on breath and position rather than stress.

Why does yoga work to eliminate stress from your body? The gentle stretching of multiple muscle groups paired with the focus on posture and rhythmic breathing help to bring the body to a state of relaxation.

For those who are chronic worriers, yoga allows their mind to focus on the physical sensations of their body and breathing. Eliminating stressful thoughts by replacing them with thoughts about controlled movement is one way that yoga helps people with anxiety.

13 Yoga Poses That Eliminate Stress From Your Body

Some yoga classes are designed to increase metabolism with accelerated breathing and moving through poses more quickly. Although these yoga methods are good for fitness, the better strategy for eliminating stress is slow, controlled movements and breath. Read more about how breathing techniques can help in our article This Ancient Breathing Technique Can Help Relieve Anxiety.

Multiple studies have shown a decrease in anxiety for people who use yoga with as little as one session of doing certain yoga poses. Research has shown that yoga can also help relieve phobias as well as general stress.

Stress and fear are closely related emotions. If you have stress in your life, it is likely that you will feel fearful about the future. When you are worrying about ‘what if,’ your mind is not focused on the present moment.

Yoga helps practitioners to focus their minds on the here and now. Being focused on the present moment is best for our mental well-being. For those who suffer from anxiety and stress, yoga may be the best alternative to taking medication.

Prior to doing yoga exercise, make sure that your physical health can support these activities. If you have any injuries, talk to your medical professional before undertaking a yoga program. For the following yoga poses, hold each for 5 slow breaths or 1-2 minutes.

1. Child’s Pose

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For this simple yoga pose, kneel on a yoga mat.

Bend forward with your forehead resting on the mat and your chest resting on your thighs.

Rest hands near your feet, palms up.

2. Head to Knee Forward Bend

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Sit with legs extended and feet flexed.

Bend one knee, bringing the foot to the inside of the upper thigh.

Place palms on either side of extended leg.

Bend forward with forehead resting on extended leg.

3. Bridge Pose

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Lie on your back with feet flat hip width apart and knees bent.

Palms should be facing down with fingertips toughing heels.

Raise hips and chest off the mat.

You should feel tightness in your thighs, buttocks and abdominal muscles,

4. Cow Pose

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Kneel on all fours.

Allow the belly to sag down toward the mat as spine also curves downward.

Lift chin upward.

5. Standing Forward Bend Pose

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While standing, bend forward.

Palms should be flat on the floor near feet.

Head should rest against legs.

6. Easy Pose

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Sit crossed-legged on the yoga mat.

Both feet should be under the opposite knees.

Rest palms of your hands on your knees.

7. Dolphin Pose

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Stand and bend forward, touching palms to floor.

Walk hands forward until you can place your forearms flat on the yoga mat.

Relax your neck and head.

8. Eagle Pose

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Bend knees and balance on one foot.

Cross other leg over balancing leg, then wrap foot behind calf of balancing leg.

Cross arms, bend elbows and press palms together.

Repeat on opposite leg.

9. Cat Pose

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Kneel on all fours with toes pointed.

Round back into a curve arcing up.

Allow head and neck to relax.

10. Corpse Pose

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Lie flat on your back.

Palms should be facing up.

11. Puppy Pose

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Kneel on all fours with feet flexed and toes against yoga mat.

Walk hands forward with arms straight and palms against floor.

Allow chest and forehead to touch floor.

12. Extended Triangle Pose

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Stand with one foot facing forward and other foot turned out 90 degrees.

Step forward one giant step with the foot that is turned out.

Bend forward placing hand on the ankle of forward foot.

Reach opposite arm upward.

13. Legs Up the Wall Pose

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Sit with rear close to a wall.

Put both legs up the vertical surface of the wall with feet flexed.

Arms should be out straight from shoulders with palms down.

These poses help blood flow to muscles and you should feel a gentle warming of your body as you stretch. The release of muscle tension from yoga can result in less pain, including relief of minor tension headaches.

7 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Being In A Relationship

As life-long learners connecting with people all over this big blue planet, we gain many lessons from being in both healthy and unhealthy relationships. The way we define love as a society may change over time, but the way it feels in your heart will always be the same.

Being in a relationship can give you emotional lessons as well as social knowledge in the form of intrapersonal and interpersonal skills.

After you have been with someone for a while you can learn to pick up on your partner’s body language habits, facial expressions and what they mean.

You learn to use your emotional intelligence, which is the ability to detect another person’s emotional state, which is a valuable social skill to have.

7 Life Lessons You Learn From Being In A Relationship

1. We can choose our emotional state

A couple who is going through a difficult time, for example, with the illness of a loved one, often has to go about the usual business or earning money, paying bills, and caring for a family. The stress of having to cope with a setback while also needing to keep moving can be a burden.

One significant life lesson you learn from being in a relationship is to choose your mood. Sure, you may have a sorry situation to recover from, but hanging your head only brings down those around you. Making the best of a bad situation is an excellent life lesson that love teaches us.

2. The moments of pain are worth all of the joys

These setbacks are just that, a temporary moment of disappointment. The laughter, joy, smiles, giggles, jokes, euphoria, hugs, snuggles and more all make these sad moments as temporary as the pain from a needle when you get a shot. It hurts for a moment, and then you’re all protected.

Related article: 6 Signs You’re In A Relationship With Your Soulmate

3. People are capable of change

Aging, choices we make, experiences we gain, how can we not change over time? People rarely change their core beliefs, values or traits that they’ve had since birth but they can change their attitudes, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs, no matter their age.

Related article: 7 Things A Strong Woman Will Never Tolerate In A Relationship

The key to being able to change someone is for that person to be willing to change. Can you change your partner, not really but you can reward them by praising things that you like them doing. This reinforces the positive behavior as long as they like the reward.

This type of Pavlovian behavior psychology has been around for decades and it is still relevant today. Anything that activates your brain’s pleasure center can act as a reward for reinforcing good behavior. That could be food, sex, a ‘Thank you honey,’ or anything that your partner loves.

4. The past can only affect your attitude if you let it

Researchers at the University of Massachusetts studying relationship lessons and attitudes of optimism vs. pessimism found that peoples experiences in their own dating relationships predicted whether or not they were optimistic or pessimistic about future love relationships.

In other words, if your parents had it rough, you will too. But people in relationships have learned the life lesson that they are in control of their behavior in the here and now and they won’t let the past affect how their present relationship progresses.

5. Learning to compromise will help you all through your life

You never get to control the remote? How about the room temperature? Isn’t it your partner’s turn to do the dishes There will never be a day where everything goes your way when you’re part of a couple and that’s one life lesson that people in relationships have learned.

That’s because by being in a relationship they have learned to compromise. Peaceful harmony cannot exist between two grown adults who have different tastes, preferences, likes, and dislikes all the time. Therefore, it is essential to learn how to compromise in order to live with a partner in a relationship.

6. Forgiveness is powerful healing magic

Researchers studying the effects of a 6-week counseling program to help forgive someone who has wronged you. When participants completed the program, their mental health improved more and they had more forgiveness toward their exes than the control group did.

7. Love changes over time

The initial fire and passion from a relationship’s beginning may have faded, but the emotions become more intense, deep, and primal than ever. The heart muscle becomes stronger as it is exercised, and even through deep emotional connections we increase our heart rate slightly. Stronger hearts can love more deeply, and that’s one heart-healthy life lesson you learn from being in a relationship.

7 Things You Need To Know About Being Friends With A Gemini

If your friend was born May 21 to June 20 then he or she is the sign of the twins, Gemini. Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury and is an air sign, which means that you need to know that your Gemini friend thinks they know everything.

Gemini’s friends need to know that being a “twinsie” is not always double trouble or double the fun. Why are people always saying that Geminis have a double personality, are two-faced or make split decisions? It might be that their silent twin is always along for the ride that makes it feel like you have a third wheel along when you and your Gemini friend get together.

Astrology is used by many people to help them understand their personality traits. People like the outline of traits that astrology provides, which they see like a guide for how to become a better person based on their tendencies. Positive people work to maximize the positive while working on the negative personality traits.

According to Kendrick Frazier, author of The Hundredth Monkey: And Other Paradigms of the Paranormal, in 1977 about as many people chose to seriously pursue the study of astrology as chose to study psychology.

While today the numbers of seers and astrologers are surely different, astrology deserves respect. Those who do love astrology feel that awareness of their personality tendencies through the knowledge of their sign contributes to their lives in a positive way.

7 Things You Need To Know About Being Friends With a Gemini

Gemini is a two-for-one deal when it comes to friendship. You’ll feel like your friend is actually two people at times. Gemini can drive even the closest of friends crazy, but stick with them because there’s plenty of fun to come.

Lucky for you, having an extra brain, heart, and soul to partner up with you is one of the best of these 7 things you need to know about being friends with a Gemini.

1. You won’t have to build their self-esteem

Geminis know that they have good taste, thank you very much, and they are happy to share their opinion. Gemini loves themselves first, and their twin second.

2. Geminis have the best dressed friends

Gemini will wear clothes to stand out, not to blend in with the crowd. They prefer to be unique, so don’t copy their style. They’ll find something similar but just as unique for you if you ask.

3. Two heads aren’t necessarily smarter than one

No, Gemini isn’t unintelligent, but they think they’re smarter than they are. You can give them all of the evidence to the contrary but arguing won’t help you unless you have others on your side too. Just tell them they’re right and have them take you shopping.

4. On the other hand, Gemini has multiple opinions

Well it’s hard to make up your mind when there are two very excellent points of view here. Gemini might need you to help them decide when they are facing two different perspectives.

Related article: 9 Things Never To Say To A Strong Woman

Two-faced is what you might be thinking, but having different viewpoints from your helpful Gemini friend can be good for you too. Try to be open-minded and let Gemini play Devil’s advocate for you. Remind your Gemini friend that ultimately, the decision was yours to make.

5. Gemini will not always agree with you

Related article: 10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Taurus

If you asked for your friend’s opinion about whether to get back together with your ex, you’re going to get Gemini’s honest answer, and the argument for your ex’s perspective as well. After all, Gemini can see things from both viewpoints. Ah, the annoying Gemini.

6. Someone else is usually to blame

Gemini might try to get away with blaming a twin, but they definitely aren’t taking full responsibility for anything that they did wrong. Maybe they will take half blame though. Just be sure that they aren’t trying to put the blame on you if it’s not justified.

7. You aren’t Gemini’s only best friend

Your Gemini friend is a positive sun sign, did you know that? In order of the zodiac, starting with Aries, the signs are numbered and they alternate with positive and negative. Gemini ends up being an odd-numbered sign and is assigned as a positive one. That means Gemini is extroverted and science actually backs this up.

Researchers confirmed ‘the astrological proposition that people born with the sun in a positive sign (Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius) are extroverted and those with the sun in a negative sign (Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces) are introverted,’ The study in the Journal of Sociology and Psychology found that this was more often true for with people with an astrological knowledge of the personality traits of their sign.

Magnesium – 7 Signs of Deficiency You Should Never Ignore

Magnesium is needed for more than 300 biochemical reactions in the body. It helps to maintain normal nerve and muscle function, supports a healthy immune system, keeps the heartbeat steady, and helps bones remain strong. It also helps regulate blood glucose levels and aid in the production of energy and protein. – United States National Library of Medicine

Magnesium is one of those nutrients that many people don’t pay attention to. However, magnesium is responsible for a number of functions in the human body. Consequently, insufficient levels of magnesium in the human body can cause complications in a multitude of ways.

We’ll discuss physical and mental symptoms that may surface as a result of magnesium deficiency. Of course, to help correct any potential deficiency, we’ll discuss the recommended daily intake of magnesium in addition to good sources of the nutrient.

Here are 7 signs that you may have a magnesium deficiency:

magnesium

1. Anxiety and/or Hyperactivity

Anxiety and hyperactivity are two neurological symptoms of a magnesium deficiency. The mineral is required for proper communication between nerve cells in the brain. Further, magnesium is required to balance electrolyte levels in the body – an important factor in proper brain function.

2. Depression

No surprise here, considering the first sign. Of course, depression is a complicated disease and can stem from a number of things. However, one of them is by a lack of nutrition and improper diet. Again, magnesium is an important element for proper brain function. Aside from anxiety and depression, low levels of magnesium in the body can also lead to changes in personality – no doubt a side byproduct of impaired cognitive function.

3. Muscle Pain

In addition to neurological symptoms, neuromuscular symptoms can surface as well. Magnesium deficiency can lead to painful muscle spasms, cramping, tics, and other symptoms, such as fibromyalgia. One of magnesium’s primary functions is muscle relaxation. Besides calcium, which stimulates muscle contraction, magnesium is a primary element in proper muscle function.

4. Nausea and/or vomiting

A magnesium deficiency can complicate normal digestive and gastrointestinal function. From a mildly upset stomach to full-blown nausea and vomiting, supplement magnesium to help stabilize gastrointestinal function if you suspect a potential deficiency.

5. High blood pressure

Numerous studies have linked high blood pressure and low magnesium levels. Those with hypertension are much more likely to have insufficient amounts of nutrient. Of course, numerous physiological functions affect blood pressure. Indeed, this outcome often necessitates a trip to the family doctor for a diagnosis.

6. Insomnia

Chronic insomnia and other sleep disorders connect to magnesium deficiency. It is thought that magnesium helps to regulate our sleep and wake cycles. So it serves an important function that ultimately determines our ability to fall and stay asleep.

Related article: 6 Sleep Habits You Need To Avoid

7. Low energy

The absence of magnesium forces the body to work harder, which often results in both physical and psychological stress. In a study conducted by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), participants with low levels of detectable magnesium consumed more oxygen than those with normal levels. Of course, oxygen consumption is indicative of one’s physical health. Decreased levels also affect human endurance, as low levels of magnesium adversely impact heart and muscle health.

Fortunately, there are numerous ways to get the recommended daily amount of magnesium. Of course, the best way is by eating right. Implementing traditionally high magnesium foods – dark and leafy greens, beans, nuts, seeds, whole grains, bananas, dry fruit, avocados, yogurt, dark chocolate, and etcetera – into our daily diets is the best-preferred way of getting this important mineral. This is relatively easy, considering the numerous foods – most of them healthy – that contain good amounts of it.

Most multivitamins contain the recommended daily amount. Additionally, a number of supplements on the market that can help boost your intake. The Food and Nutrition Board (FNB) at the Institute of Medicine of the National Academies, one of the world’s foremost authorities on nutrition – places magnesium intake into four tiers.

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How Much Magnesium Do You Need?

The Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) is the measure that 97 to 98 percent of healthy individuals follow. The FNB breaks intake recommendations down into a simple chart, which follows.

AGE                MALE             FEMALE        PREGNANCY          LACTATION

to 6 months   30 mg           30 mg

7-12 months  75 mg             75 mg

1-3 years        80 mg             80 mg

4-8 years        130 mg           130 mg

9-13 years     240 mg           240 mg

14-18 years   410 mg           360 mg           400 mg                       360 mg

19-30 years   400 mg           310 mg           350 mg                       310 mg

31-50 years   420 mg           320 mg           360 mg                       320 mg

51+ years       420 mg           320 mg

(C) Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

9 Positive Comebacks For Dealing With Negative People

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive. It will take their breath away. – MJ Korvan

Here’s a preliminary question for you:

How do you currently deal with negative people?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Instead, it’s intended to get us thinking about our reactive tendencies.

The truth is that negative people are difficult to handle. For some reason, such individuals have a default mentality that is primed to leave a negative energy or influence wherever they go. Beyond the initial anger that we experience when encountering such people, we’ll often feel a sense of unfairness – why do I need to be “stuck” in this kind of environment?

It’s not only okay to have initial feelings of anger towards a negative person – it’s natural. However, it is unhealthy when we allow these feelings to dictate our response during and after encounters with negative people. It is important to not allow someone to negatively influence us longer than necessary.

It is also important, no matter how difficult, to have a sense of compassion for such people. After all, we often don’t know what that person has been through. Some people who’ve experienced difficult circumstances have turned them into positives – but not all have. While it’s true that not every negative person has been plagued by adversity, many of them have.

We can all agree that it’s counterproductive to react harshly to negative people. We simply get caught up in a cycle of negativity and end up contributing to such an environment.

So, the question becomes:

How do you positively deal with negative people?

Well, turns out that it’s not too difficult if we’re willing to check our emotions and think things through. Responding to someone negative doesn’t require that we engage with them – in fact it is sometimes necessary to disengage without creating undue conflict.

Here are 9 positive comebacks to deal with negative people:

Related article: 5 Types of People To Keep In Your Life (And 5 To Avoid)

1. “I hope you feel better soon.”

This response actually catches negative people off-guard. Why? Because they’re probably used to people brushing them off or sneering at their behavior. Showing true, empathetic concern is sometimes enough to grab someone’s attention and change their perspective. They may walk away, silently (or verbally!) thanking you for showing care.

2. “Is there something the matter?”

This one’s kind of tricky, because it’s possible that the person will drag you into a counterproductive conversation. If this happens, politely verbalize your refusal to engage in such conversation and simply walk away. However, it’s also possible that the negative person is carrying around a burden and needs an attentive ear. Think about this: we’ve all been this negative person at some point. It’s likely that someone stopping to ask us this question may have helped us somewhere along the way.

3. “Don’t allow yourself to dwell too much.”

If we’re privy to someone’s situation, we may be in a good position to pass along this little tidbit. One of two things will happen: (1) they’ll blow off the suggestion, or (2) they’ll catch themselves dwelling and change course. Either way, we’ve given them something to think about. Saying this with a smile improves the likelihood of a positive response.

4. “You’re loved and cared for.”

Over the top a bit? Well, not really. How many times have we been in a situation when we think we’re all alone to fend for ourselves? Exactly. Saying this simple phrase has a way of reminding us or someone else that they’re not alone in their struggles – no matter what they may be.

5. “You can’t and won’t affect my mindset.”

Sometimes it’s necessary for us to put our foot down. When someone negative is infringing upon our right to have a positive outlook, we’re within our rights to set the record straight. Stand up for yourself, be strong and don’t allow someone to take your right to live a positive life for granted.

6. “If you could, would you spread your feelings around?”

This is a response that requires our best judgement. Would you say this to some stranger who scornfully admonishes the waiter? Probably not. Would you say this to a co-worker who is adamant in expressing their displeasure about the boss? Maybe, maybe not. What this question does is put someone off guard and make them think, which is sometimes necessary when responding to a negative person.

7. “People see your negativity and it brings them down.”

Once again, there are times when it’s necessary to be politely direct with a negative person. This statement is effective only when it’s presented in a constructive manner. An already-negative person will quickly go on the defensive if they sense an attempt at confrontation – so be polite, smile and be constructive!

8. “Think of something that makes you happy.”

Corny? Perhaps…but it could work. Again, it is all about how this response is presented. Depending on the person, it may require some elaboration outside of a general statement such as this. If it’s someone close and this is said with true empathy, they’re more likely to heed such advice.

 

How to be positive9. “Smiling has a way of changing our mood!”

Say this to someone who is having a bad time and they will almost assuredly crack a smile. Again, this may sound corny, but if it’s said under the right conditions this may just help change not only someone’s day, it may just help change their life. Smiling is an aphrodisiac to the blues, even if it’s somewhat forced. Getting into the habit of smiling despite of our circumstances is definitely worthwhile.

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