5 Reasons Smart People Don’t Waste Their Time on Anger

December 22, 2022 by Chris Butler

There are a lot of angry people in the world today. What makes matters worse is the prevalent undercurrent of rage appears to be increasing and getting stronger in society. Anger is an emotion; there’s nothing wrong with showing it when the situation warrants it.

If you find yourself stuck, having a bit of rage may give you some drive to push you forward. People often find themselves stuck in fear, but anger puts a spark in them. Sadly, many folks don’t know what to do with these intense emotions, as they can destroy you if you allow them.

It’s normal to bury those feelings rather than release them. You don’t understand that those intense emotions continuously recycle through your system. Psychologists see this time and again with people who had horrific childhoods or suffered abuse.

They don’t deal with the abuse and process it. Unfortunately, those feelings will only fester over time. Have you ever heard someone say someone is like a ticking time bomb about to explode? Having unsettled rage inside can make you very much like an explosive device. However, you can detonate that rage by learning a lesson from some smart folks.

The Harmful Potential of Anger

Have you ever experienced road rage? Imagine that you’re stuck on the freeway and running late for work. Out of nowhere, a lady cut you off. Suddenly, your face flushes with rage, and you’re spitting mad.

You almost had an accident because someone didn’t respect boundaries. Though a true crisis was avoided, it’s put you in a bad mood. You carry those intense emotions with you during the day because you can’t let go.

By 5 pm, you’re still in a foul mood because you never learned to release that tension from an incident in the morning. To make matters worse, you’ve become more defensive the next day. You get on the freeway with a chip on your shoulder, daring someone to cut you off again.

Months and years can pass by, and you will recycle these feelings repeatedly. You add more to it daily to make the rage burn brighter as you anticipate an incident long before anything happens. Over time you can develop driving anxiety because you equate the trek to work to driving in a demolition derby.

This is how anger can quickly take over your life if you don’t let go and release it from your innermost being. An intelligent person knows that they must do something about that fury. Rather than sitting in traffic and allowing your blood to boil, what would happen if you practiced some deep breathing and let it go?

It wouldn’t have ruined your day, and you wouldn’t have developed intense road rage every time you drive. You could use those feelings to make changes. You could learn a new route to work that’s less stressful. What if you listened to music or books so that you didn’t have to sit in the car and stay angry during traffic jams?

Why Smart Folks Don’t Waste Time on Anger

Intelligent folks realize they have an option and can channel that energy into something better. Here are some reasons why smart people don’t let anger fester inside.

1. Negativity Never Does Anything Good (Except Make You Angry and Tired)

Anger is a form of negativity. While getting upset is okay, you can’t let it overpower you. Let’s assume an employee stole your idea for a marketing campaign. She got all the praise and gave you no credit for your work.

It’s easy to let these things fester and get deep into your heart. Sadly, holding grudges is only going to bring negativity into your life. The employee likely has performance issues and needs to step up her game. The problem wasn’t personal, but she was trying to save herself.

Rather than unleashing and harboring resentment, understand that karma and the Universe have a way of taking care of things. The same will be returned to you when you put negativity into the atmosphere. So, intelligent people know that they want positivity around them.

2. Unforgiveness Hurts You More

It’s easy to be mad and not forgive someone when they’ve done you wrong. Conversely, unforgiveness always hurts you more than the person who wronged you. If you want to have relationships that are healthy and strong, you will learn that forgiveness is the key.

Each time you forgive someone, you release the burden from yourself. If your spouse cheated on you, it’s easy to be angry and hold a grudge over such an offense. However, if you forgive them and let the rage go, you’re not letting it dominate your life.

An article published by John Hopkins Medicine states that forgiveness isn’t just something you do because it’s the right thing, but it can make a difference with your health.

Their studies have proven that people who harbor unforgiveness have lower immunity and often suffer PTSD. Learning to let go means that you free your mind and heart from the pain.

3. Anger and Resentment Keep You in the Past

Life is a journey that’s challenging. It’s best always to keep your eyes forward and never look behind. A fascinating story in the Bible occurred in Genesis 19 that helps put things into perspective. God was angry and about to destroy the city of Sodom because they wouldn’t turn from their wicked ways.

God wanted to spare Lot, his wife, and their two daughters. The Lord gave them one commandment as they left the city and fled to safety; they couldn’t look back. Jesus wanted them to focus on what was ahead and not what was behind them. Everyone can learn a lesson from this story as the things behind you will destroy you, precisely what they did to Lot’s wife.

As they were leaving, she turned around once more to look at what she was giving up, and she was turned into a pillar of salt. Ironically, a large cave was discovered in the exact area where this story is said to take place, according to Reuters.

Everyone has made mistakes in the past. The key is that you must keep your eyes ahead and focus on your goals. Smart people know that looking behind and concentrating on the past will do nothing but hinder their progress in life.

4. There’s a Lesson to Learn From Anger

Assume a friend asked you for a loan for $500. You graciously gave it to them until their tax refund came in. However, when the refund came, they didn’t pay you back what you needed. They had one excuse after another on why they couldn’t repay their debt.

It’s easy to become enraged at someone who would not repay the money you graciously loaned them. However, a smart person will focus on the lesson hear rather than becoming overwhelmed with resentment. Every situation that life brings to you has a lesson attached to it. It’s up to you to pay attention and release the angry feelings of the matter.

The lesson in this instance is that you should be cautious lending money. You know in the future that this person’s words mean nothing, as they didn’t honor their commitments. Intelligent people know that if you burn them once, they will ensure they don’t allow you to do it again.

Though you might release and let go of the hate inside your heart, it doesn’t mean that the lessons can’t help you make better choices in the future.

5. Angry Feelings Expend a Lot of Valuable Energy

Some people go in circles and never accomplish much of anything, which is like a dog chasing their tale. This is very much how anger and rage affect you. You waste a lot of energy when you allow your emotions to take control of your life.

Think of all the things you could accomplish if you learned to harness all that pent-up rage toward something good. When you’re focusing on meaningless things, it’s keeping you from concentrating on the things that can help you reach your goals.

Final Thoughts on Why It’s Important to Let Go and Release Anger

William Arthur Ward said you should never direct your angry feelings toward people but focus on the problem and find solutions. As in the instance of the road rage above, you got mad at the driver who cut you off instead of the real problem, which was the crazy traffic.

You didn’t know if that person was sick, had to be somewhere urgent as a medical worker, or had other situations beyond their control. However, you wasted precious time and energy on being mad about something just by taking it at face value.

By letting that anger fester, you developed a secondary situation as you feared traveling by the freeway. The power is learning to let go. When you release and let go of these intense feelings, you’re freeing yourself from whatever hold they can have on you.

5 Hidden Signs of Gaslighting Never to Ignore

December 21, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Even though the term has gained popularity in the last couple of years, gaslighting remains one of the less-known abusive behaviors. This is why a manipulator can get away with gaslighting the people around them without facing repercussions. Gaslighting is subtle enough that it can be done without the victim ever picking up on it. And, unfortunately, it’s somewhat accepted by society.

But that doesn’t mean you should just accept being abused. Instead, you need to learn about gaslighting to understand what it is and what signs you need to look out for. As with all manipulation tactics, gaslighting never starts as obvious. Your abuser will always start slow so that you get acclimated to their toxic behavior and accept it as normal.

In time, they can start increasing the level of gaslighting they subject you to. This is one of the most effective manipulation tactics because it makes the victim question their own sanity. And, if you have the misfortune of being close to your manipulator, they will have a lot of power over you and completely change how you view yourself.

Not to mention that if this is coupled with any kind of power imbalance, it can become much more dangerous. Even though they are only words, they can cut deep and can make a victim develop severe trauma. So, even though not many people are aware of gaslighting, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a severe issue. And you should always be on the lookout for signs that you might be the victim of such abuse.

What Is Gaslighting?

Most people experience some sort of gaslighting throughout their lives. In most cases, it’s kids who suffer from this manipulation tactic, which parents often use. But there’s an important thing to remember here. Most parents don’t use gaslighting intentionally. They do it because they find it hard to believe their kids when they say things somewhat out of the ordinary.

For example, if a kid is not doing great in school, the parent will believe that they don’t study enough. And they will snap at their kids, telling them they are lazy and don’t appreciate what they have. Of course, this could be the case. But, more often than not, it’s not that the kids don’t want to learn. They struggle with some things, such as attention deficit.

Or maybe they are getting bullied at school, and that’s why they don’t perform as well as they could. But, in this case, even though the parent is gaslighting the kid, it’s not intentional. Which makes it somewhat different from when gaslighting is used in an abusive manner. Sure, having your parents not believe you can also lead to trauma and mental health issues. But true gaslighting happens slightly differently and is usually much more harmful.

How It Happens

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic often used by abusers to control the victim. Psychologists classify it as a form of covert emotional abuse. The thing with gaslighting is that it has to be used over an extended period, or it won’t change the victim’s self-perception. This tactic aims to make the victim feel unsure about how they view themself or the world. Sometimes, it can even make people question their sanity.

This tactic is most often used in romantic relationships. The abuser uses the victim’s trust to start undermining their confidence. Because a partner does this, it catches people by surprise. You would never imagine that someone who supposedly loves you could blatantly lie to you and mess up with your head. And this plays into the hand of the abuser.

They know that you’ll have your guard down around them and that you wouldn’t question their intentions. So, they slowly start working on small lies that seep doubt into the victim’s mind. But gaslighting isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships. Even friends or family members can use this manipulation tactic to gain control over you. This is especially common if you happen to be surrounded by toxic people.

It Starts With A Lie

As mentioned before, gaslighting never starts with obvious lies. It’s always a small change of a little detail or maybe a lie by omission. In time, the victim will start to doubt their memory, or perhaps they will even begin to lose confidence. They can even start questioning their morals and how they view the world. When this happens, the manipulator can start making up more complex manipulations.

If it ever reaches that point, the victim is at a point where they can’t see the truth and will virtually believe everything their abuser says. They might even start thinking that they are at fault for how their abuser is treating them or even feel like they are going insane. After a while, you will be so vulnerable that you’ll do virtually anything the abuser wants you to do. So, if gaslighting can become so dangerous, how can you tell when you are the victim of such manipulations?

5 Hidden Signs of Gaslighting Never to Ignore

1. The Manipulator Always Argues with You

In any relationship, people are bound to fight from time to time. It’s even natural to argue with the people you hang out with, as no two people will ever have the same worldview. But, if your partner, or even a friend or family member, seems to counter what you are saying, that’s an issue. And it’s usually a sign that you are being gaslit.

You’ll question everything you know if you hear that you are wrong about virtually everything you say daily. And the worst thing is, they don’t even have to argue with you directly. It’s enough to ask you if you are sure what you are saying to make you question your memory. They will usually just ask leading questions that ultimately lead you to believe you are wrong. And you’ll be fooled to think you have come to that conclusion by yourself when you have been led to believe you’re always wrong.

2. The Manipulator Is Always Trivialising

Regarding gaslighting, trivializing is one of the most effective things someone can do. This is because when someone trivializes, they diminish the victim’s feelings and experiences. By doing this, they make you feel like you are overreacting and that you are the one who is doing something to ruin the relationship.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you might have been told that you are too sensitive or that you always overreact. Sure, if someone tells you once that you might be overreacting, you should listen to them because they might just be trying to help you. But if you hear things like these almost every day, that’s when it becomes abusive behavior. You should never trust a person who doesn’t care about your feelings.

3. Gaslighting Behavior Lacks Accountability

Another common sign of gaslighting is the refusal to take accountability for one’s actions. This is something that many abusers do, not just manipulators. But it’s still good to look out for this sign, mainly because you will never be able to have a stable and healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t own up to their mistakes.

The main reason why people don’t take accountability for their actions is so that they don’t have to make any amends or sacrifices for the relationship. Instead, they will just throw all responsibility in the victim’s lap and let them do all the heavy lifting.

4. The Manipulator Will Refuse to Listen or Pretend Not To Understand

There’s almost nothing more frustrating than trying to talk to someone and feeling like you’d be better off talking to a wall. But this is what someone will do to gaslight you into giving up on any efforts to communicate. This will make you doubt your ability to get your points across.

If someone keeps telling you that they don’t understand you or that you are confusing them, you’ll feel like you’re the problem. You’ll think you’re too incompetent to have a discussion. In time, you’ll stay silent and not even try to stand up for yourself. This will allow the abuser to do almost everything they want without dealing with your protests. If you feel you can’t even have a conversation with someone, they’re almost definitely gaslighting you.

5. The Manipulator Will Lie and Divert

These behaviors are probably the most common gaslighting tactics. But they are also the most damaging. The lies always start small. Usually, they’re not even straight-up lies, as they are omissions or white lies. And diversions are probably the most preferred trick used by abusers.

Your memory, sanity, and credibility are questioned when you’re being lied to. The more these behaviors persist, the more you’ll believe that the fake world the abuser is creating is the real one. And ultimately, you’ll feel that your perception of the world and yourself is fake. When that happens, you won’t even question these lies anymore. You’ll accept them as facts and allow your abuser to control you. So, you better get out before that happens.

Final Thoughts on Hidden Signs of Gaslighting Never to Ignore

Gaslighting is one of the worst emotional abuse tactics that you could ever experience. And, if you are a victim of such abuse, you need to get out of that toxic relationship as fast as possible. Even get the help of a professional if you feel like you’re in too deep. Ideally, you can learn to spot signs of gaslighting before entering into a relationship with a manipulator.

Someone who uses gaslighting to manipulate people will try their hardest to make the victim question their sanity. Because of that, they’ll always argue with you and refuse to listen to reason or to virtually everything you’re saying. They will trivialize your feelings and make you feel like you’re always exaggerating. They’ll avoid taking responsibility for their actions and lie whenever they can. If a person you know does any of these, it’s time to cut them out of your life.

3 Ways to Increase Self-Discipline (and Why It Matters)

December 21, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Because we are humans, we are hardwired to yearn for freedom, and we don’t like the idea of self-discipline. So people have a hard time being confined by the strict rules of society, and they would much rather follow their impulses. But we have these rules and codes of conduct for a good reason. It’s because they help form a united society, which can flourish and help individuals reach their goals much more than they would alone.

But that doesn’t change the fact that, sometimes, people wish they could just do whatever goes through their head at a specific moment. Sometimes you just want to forget how you should act and do whatever your body tells you. This might not sound like an issue, but it can quickly become one. Without self-discipline, there isn’t much difference between people and animals. Without this skill, you won’t be able to manage your impulses, emotions, and many behaviors.

Lack of self-discipline is one of the reasons why people start engaging in unlawful behaviors. Sure, that’s not the case for most people. It’s just a tiny minority that goes completely off the wall like that. But you still risk hurting people and endangering your well-being if you allow yourself to always act on impulse. So, how can you increase self-discipline, and why is it even necessary?

What is Self-Discipline, and Why is It Important?

Most of you are probably familiar with self-discipline under a different name: self-control. It isn’t really important what you call it. The substance of the concept is what matters. The short description is that self-discipline is one’s ability to manage emotions, behaviors, and impulses. This ability is rooted in the prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for planning, decision-making, and problem-solving.

When one lacks this ability, prefrontal cortex functions are affected. This skill is sometimes defined as resisting immediate gratification to reach a long-term goal. An example of this would be someone refusing to smoke at a party. This refusal might happen because they care more about their long-term health than they do about doing what others do to fit in. Finally, self-discipline is also about using logical rather than emotional reasoning whenever you decide.

Can You Learn Self-Discipline?

Some experts believe that self-discipline is an innate behavior. Whether that’s entirely true is still up for debate. But one thing is for sure. This skill can also be learned. Even if some people have a genetic predisposition towards being more disciplined, that doesn’t mean other people can’t learn the skill. Experts believe that everyone can increase self-discipline by cultivating proper habits.

Self-discipline is essential because it’s the primary skill that helps people resist temptation. In addition, research shows that people with higher levels of self-discipline are less likely to develop addictions and unhealthy obsessions. Besides that, a higher level of self-discipline correlates with greater success in achieving goals later in life.

The well-known marshmallow experiment supports this. Psychologist Walter Mischel conducted this test in the early 1970s. In the trial, kids would be left alone in a room for a little while. In that room was a plate with a couple of marshmallows or other treats (depending on the child’s preference). Then, the kids were told that if they waited fifteen minutes, they would be given another treat on top of what was in the room.

So, this experiment was designed to further research the concept of delayed gratification. This experiment showed that the kids who could wait usually had better grades and were overall more disciplined. Later on, some researchers even argued that there is a correlation between future success and the ability to show restraint in an environment similar to the one in the experiment.

One popular theory regarding self-discipline is the ego depletion theory. This has long concerned scientists because it theorizes that willpower is limited and people rely on a finite quantity of mental resources to exert it. By this logic, the more temptations someone has to handle during a day, the less likely they will have enough willpower to resist them all. This theory is supported by the cookie experiment conducted in 1998.

The Cookie Experiment

Participants were given a choice to snack on either cookies or radishes. After that, they were asked to solve a puzzle. The people who had resisted eating the cookies gave up on solving the puzzle 11 minutes before the ones who had eaten them. But the good thing is that there is evidence supporting the opposite. So, the reality might be somewhere in between. While it’s true that people have a hard time resisting dozens and dozens of temptations daily, it’s also true that self-discipline can be increased.

Besides helping people resist temptation, self-discipline can help you have a more balanced lifestyle and regulate your emotions better. Ultimately, this will help you communicate better and create stronger, healthier connections with the people around you. Plus, it lets you focus on reaching your long-term goals and set your priorities straight. So there are a lot of benefits associated with this skill. But what can you do to increase it?

3 Ways to Increase Self-Discipline

1. Stop Procrastinating

Procrastination is one of the biggest obstacles for people trying to reach their goals. It’s also one of the main reasons why you can’t learn how to be disciplined. Not to mention that people procrastinate in the first place because they lack discipline, so it’s a vicious cycle. Unfortunately, most people fall into the trap of procrastination at some point. Research shows that 95% of people procrastinate to a certain extent.

And this isn’t always an issue. When it comes to smaller tasks, procrastination won’t hold you back. For example, if you put off making your bed, that won’t compromise your long-term goals. But if you’re the kind of person who always puts off doing their work and then gets panicked and overwhelmed at the last minute, that’s an issue. To increase your self-discipline, you have to take steps toward solving your procrastination issue. And the first step is to recognize that you are doing it.

One clear sign of procrastinating is when you start putting things off indefinitely. Many people try to trick themselves into thinking they are productive by filling their days with low-priority tasks. Sure, it’s imperative to clean your house. But if you start refolding clothes already put away because you are trying to delay doing actual work, that’s a sign. Once you recognize that you are procrastinating, you have to understand why you are doing it.

Some people do it because they are anxious about a certain task. Others do it because they find that task boring or unpleasant. But, most commonly, it’s because of poor organizational skills. When you pinpoint the reason, you can move on to the next step: to create healthy habits.

The strategies you employ depend on the reason why you are procrastinating in the first place. Some people do well if they have a reward after finishing the task. Others feel the need to have someone checking up on them. It’s also always a good idea to minimize distractions. All these habits will help you be more focused and increase your self-discipline.

2. Start a Routine

Discipline is strongly tied to one’s ability to create and maintain a routine. Naturally more disciplined people will find it easier to create a routine and often do it without even noticing. They don’t have to write down their day to ensure that things will go according to plan. But people who struggle with self-discipline don’t have this luxury.

They often struggle with planning and creating healthy habits. But the good thing is that it will improve your willpower when you start enforcing a routine. After a while, you will find that you’ll have more self-control in all areas of your life, not just when it comes to routine.

But how can you start and maintain a good routine? You can always start by incorporating essential healthy goals into your daily life. One thing that always helps is enforcing a relatively strict sleeping schedule. Make an effort to sleep at around the same hour every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. And make sure you always get seven to eight hours of sleep.

It’s good to start your day with a short workout or walk. It’s also good to eat some breakfast before having any coffee. And there are other things you can start doing depending on your interests and personal life. For example, some people like going to the gym. Others need to schedule some relaxation time. Whatever you do, make sure you stick to the routine.

3. Surround Yourself with Disciplined People

Imagine this. It is Friday night, and your friends are all partying. You have to work, but they won’t stop sending you photos and asking you to go out. So, of course, you give in, only to regret it when the next day comes. This is a scenario everyone is familiar with. Unfortunately, sometimes, the people you surround yourself with will only distract you instead of helping you achieve your goals.

To improve your self-discipline, you need to surround yourself with disciplined people. These friends will encourage you to stay in and finish work, and they will make plans with you when you are free. Sometimes, that means cutting out some people from your life, which will be hard. But it’s a sacrifice you need to make to improve your life.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Increase Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is challenging, especially when you probably have a lot of responsibilities to juggle and weigh you down. But it’s necessary to achieve your goals and get your priorities straight.

Fortunately, you can always work on increasing self-discipline. One of the best ways to do so is by actively trying to stop procrastinating. It’s also helpful to start a routine and stick to it. But, probably most importantly, you need to be around disciplined people who can keep you in check. As long as you do the work, you’ll soon be able to reap the benefits.

3 Ways to Heal Abandonment Trauma

December 20, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Abandonment trauma is something many people struggle with without even realizing it. And it can affect all aspects of your life, especially relationships and how you interact with people. This trauma usually comes from living through bad childhood experiences or abandonment at other points.

That doesn’t mean that only kids struggle with it. Childhood is when it usually develops. But something like this lingers throughout adulthood. The thing is, abandonment trauma manifests in ways that people often misinterpret. For example, it creates a lot of anxiety. So, naturally, people might think they are just overly stressed, or maybe they are even dealing with an anxiety disorder when it’s something else.

Unfortunately, more and more kids are left to fend for themselves for hours. A few decades ago, it used to be that kids were always with a family member. And before everyone moved to the city and started to live more isolated from the community, kids were raised by everyone in the neighborhood. This was even true in the late 1990s. Maybe their parents were at work, but the kids always had someone to hang out with.

But the societal trend shifted and made people believe that being isolated from their neighbors is their best bet. We don’t even see people living with their extended families anymore. So, kids are more alone than ever. That’s not to say that kids were necessarily treated better back then. But at least they weren’t alone. Plus, abandonment trauma is not just determined by how much time they spend alone.

When a kid feels unsafe in their own home or is otherwise rejected by the people they love, that also causes abandonment trauma. So, what are some signs that you are struggling with this kind of trauma? And what can you do about it?

What Causes Abandonment Trauma?

Even though most cases of abandonment trauma are caused by traumatic events experienced during childhood, some other events can also lead to the same effect. Adults can also experience situations that create the same type of trauma. As mentioned previously, one of the most common causes of this trauma is various kinds of mistreatment experienced during childhood. Sometimes, it’s because an adult in the kid’s life is intentionally abusive.

Unfortunately, cases of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse directed toward kids are much more common than they should be. And often, it’s the parents who are mistreating the kids. But it could also be other family members or even authority figures, such as teachers. What’s important to understand is that abuse ranges from full-on beatings, apparent and condemned at a societal level, to things that don’t seem so bad.

Society is too quick to excuse certain abusive behaviors and blame the kids. For example, when a kid is being yelled at, most adults think it’s because they did something to deserve that, even though no one deserves to be yelled at, no matter what they did. But, because they are young, everyone is quick to side with the adult. After all, the adult is the mature one, plus a parent is allowed to raise their kids how they see fit, no? Well, that shouldn’t be the case. Respect should exist in all relationships.

That means a parent should always treat their children with respect and kindness. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes, the abuse doesn’t even happen intentionally. Even parents who don’t want to hurt their kids in any way could end up doing so.

How Environmental Factors Lead to Trauma

Environmental factors, such as poverty, will affect all areas of someone’s life. If a parent has to work three jobs to raise their kids, they won’t have time to be around them. They won’t be able to attend school plays or other such events. They’ll be too busy to make breakfast for their kids and walk them to school.

Even though the parents do their best in such situations, it affects the kids deeply. And it can create traumas that last throughout their life. Besides childhood issues, some other things can create abandonment trauma. Losing someone you love, especially if those people die, is bound to scar you. It’s hard enough to watch people voluntarily walk out of your life.

Even something as small as someone moving to another city can make you feel abandoned. But these are situations that you can get over rather easily. The same can’t be said about having to deal with someone’s passing. That kind of trauma can make you feel like you are the loneliest person on the planet. Even though friends and family usually inflict all traumas discussed so far, these issues are not limited to platonic relationships.

Romantic partners can mess with your head just as much, if not more, than any other person in your life. Being in an abusive relationship or being made to feel like you are not enough are just a few ways a partner can destroy your self-image. When someone doesn’t have their needs met in a relationship, they feel abandoned by the person who was supposed to love them the most.

Not to mention that a breakup or a divorce can have the same effects. Even if the relationship was healthy and the breakup seemed mutually agreed upon, it can still make you feel like you weren’t enough.

3 Ways to Heal Abandonment Trauma

1. Self-Care

Abandonment trauma can make you feel like you are not worth other people’s time or attention. And it can make you want to stay isolated, in the safety of your home, instead of trying to go out and socialize. Not to mention that this type of trauma can convince you that taking care of yourself is a waste of time.

This is why it’s essential to start routine incorporating self-help techniques. Of course, you can do these alone if you still feel uncomfortable putting yourself out there. But ideally, you would build enough courage to go out and do some things with your friends. Having a spa day with your closest friends is always fun.

Contrary to popular opinion, self-care isn’t just about having bubble baths and doing face masks. Sure, that’s part of it if it appeals to you. But fundamentally, it’s about doing things that boost your self-esteem and make you feel like you deserve better. So, it can be activities such as going to the gym and making a healthy meal. But it can also be about daily affirmations and talking yourself up whenever you feel down.

2. Meditation and Positivity

Most people struggling with abandonment issues either don’t know the cause of their anxiety and low self-esteem or are too afraid to find out. Or maybe they feel like they deserve to suffer. And all of these issues increase from the negative self-talk you are likely to engage in if you are a victim of abandonment trauma. So, one way to cope with what’s happening is to meditate to allow yourself to understand what’s going on in your head.

Plus, it’s a way to become more positive and improve how you look at yourself. Meditation is something you can tailor depending on your needs. It can be an intricate ritual or something you do in a couple of minutes before you go to work. It depends on what works best for you. But the general approach is the same no matter what technique you use.

You just have to be in a quiet place and try to keep the distractions at a minimum. Afterward, you close your eyes, focus on breathing, and listen to your body and mind. This way, you can tell if your body is trying to signal you that it needs something. And you can also quiet your mind and put your thoughts in order so that you can make sense of what’s happening to you. It can also be a way through which you can reframe your thoughts.

You can run through all your negative thoughts and make a mental list in the minutes you take to meditate. Then, you can review each negative thought and see how to turn it into a positive one. For example, if you believe that everyone left because you are unlovable, change that and tell yourself that they left because they were bad people or they had to. And that it has nothing to do with you or how lovable you are.

3. Therapy

Even though most people are determined to heal from trauma alone, there’s usually no better method to cope with such an issue than going to therapy. Or, if that’s not something you feel comfortable with, at least reach out to the people still in your life and ask for their support. Having someone to talk to is usually what people need when trying to heal.

And, if that person can guide you through everything and steer you towards the right path, that’s even better. In therapy, you and your therapist can develop the best strategy for coping with the everyday struggles of abandonment trauma. Plus, a professional is there to help and listen to you. There’s no pressure or judgment, and you can take things one step at a time.

Final Thoughts on Some Ways to Heal Abandonment Trauma

Dealing with abandonment trauma is no easy feat. It can make you feel isolated, tossed aside, and unlovable. And it can destroy all semblance of self-esteem you had. Not to mention that there are so many causes, most of which aren’t avoidable. Or, even if they are, they are situations in which the person who hurt you didn’t wish you any harm, but things just took a bad turn.

So, if you are struggling with abandonment trauma, there are a few things you can do to cope. Practicing self-care and meditating are some ideas you can incorporate into your daily routine. Not to mention that you can always rely on getting professional help. Therapy is often necessary for such situations and will surely do you good.

10 Exercises That Reduce Menopause Symptoms

December 20, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Menopause symptoms are different for everyone and can vary from mild to intense. Sometimes the symptoms pass quickly, but that isn’t always the case. Either way, some exercises can help reduce menopause symptoms.

Menopause is a transition women go through as they age and marks the end of their menstrual cycles. While it can be hard to adapt, you can adjust your lifestyle to help alleviate the changes. Some exercises can help, making menopause easier to handle.

Rather than viewing menopause as a nuisance, you can think of it as a reminder to take care of yourself. Staying active is one of the best ways to do this, and you’ll quickly notice the benefits.

You don’t have to do all the exercises to reduce menopause symptoms. Try them out and decide which ones you like the most and which work best for your body.

Thirteen Menopause Symptoms

When menopause occurs, a woman’s hormone levels fluctuate and then decline. The hormonal change triggers many symptoms, including the following:

hot flashes
mood swings
weight gain
vaginal dryness
fatigue
loss of muscle mass
decreased bone density
sleep disruptions
slower metabolism
changes in appetite
bladder issues
constipation
tingling extremities

The symptoms differ for everyone. Some women won’t experience what others do, and the severity can shift for each person.

Benefits of Exercise During Menopause

Exercise during menopause offers many benefits, including the following:

Strengthening Your Bones

Reduced estrogen during menopause can increase your risk of osteoporosis and bone fractures. Regular exercise decreases the risk of these issues as it strengthens your bones.

Improving Your Mood

The hormonal changes during menopause can trigger depression and other mental health issues. Staying physically active can ease these conditions, helping you feel better. It also deepens sleep, lowers pain, and reduces sleep to improve your overall well-being.

Maintaining Healthy Weight

Menopause can trigger weight gain because women often lose muscle mass and gain abdominal fat during this time. Physical activity can help prevent weight gain or promote weight loss if necessary. It is also beneficial because gaining weight during menopause increases your risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes.

Reducing Symptoms

Staying active and taking care of your body can make it easier to handle the symptoms associated with your symptoms. While exercise promotes overall health, it can also help you stay positive about natural life changes.

Exercises That Reduce Menopause Symptoms

Experts suggest aiming for around 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity each week. Vigorous aerobic movement can lower that recommendation to 75 minutes each week.

You can spread your workout throughout the week as you see fit. The best exercises are easy on your joints and help reduce menopause symptoms. Some ideas include the following:

1 – Brisk Walking

You can engage in brisk walking no matter where you are. It offers many benefits, including joint pain relief, weight loss, and weight maintenance. Brisk walking gets your blood pumping and raises your heart rate.

2 – Assisted Yoga

Assisted yoga involves improving nerve mobility and muscle flexibility. It focuses on the fascial lines connecting and wrapping around muscles, nerves, and organs. Yoga is a relaxation exercise that improves flexibility, balance, and muscle tone. It can also ease the effects of stress, anxiety, and depression.

3 – Hand Weights

Using hand weights during menopause can help prevent weight gain and improve bone density. Hand weights require using your muscles and bones to work, helping reduce some menopause symptoms. Start light and work your way up to heavier weights as you get comfortable.

4 – Resistance Band Training

Experts indicate that resistance band training can improve hormonal decline, body mass and fat percentage, and blood pressure. It can also help keep your bones and muscles strong. Resistance band training is typically low-cost, and you can do it anywhere.

5 – Tai Chi

This exercise is an ancient Chinese natural health therapy. It can help ease menopause symptoms, including depression, anxiety, and mood disturbances. Tai Chi involves meditation, breathing, and exercise simultaneously, making it highly beneficial. This exercise can also increase bone mineral density for women after menopause.

6 – Water Aerobics

Water aerobics is beneficial for easing menopause symptoms because it targets many areas. This exercise increases flexibility and relieves joint pain, improving blood circulatory problems. Water aerobics also improves heart and lung function.

Additionally, this exercise builds strength and promotes balance, reducing your risk of getting injured from a fall. The water provides gentle resistance, which isn’t as hard as other resistance exercises. It’ll also help you maintain a healthy weight.

7 – Balance Training

Exercises that promote balance training can help reduce menopause symptoms. They help prevent or decrease neck, back, and shoulder pain.

These exercises also help strengthen your core and decrease your risk of falling. Balance training can be easy as you can do it while brushing your teeth or doing your hair. Stand on one leg while getting ready or doing other activities that don’t require much movement.

8 – Bicycling

Cycling is low-impact and easy on your joints. Bicycling outside also allows you to get vitamin D and fresh air. People of all fitness levels benefit from cycling as you can go at your own pace and work up to more intense sessions.

Some of the specific benefits of bicycling include the following:

cardiovascular health
maintaining blood pressure
weight management
cardiorespiratory health
improved mental health
increased fitness levels
promotes balance and coordination

9 – Flexibility Stretches

Your muscles and tendons can stiffen during menopause, and flexibility stretches can prevent or ease it. It can also alleviate tingling extremities.

Those who work at a desk or don’t get much movement can reap the most benefits from stretching. You can take a break to stretch your muscles anytime throughout the day.

10 – Swimming

As a low-impact exercise, swimming is highly beneficial for reducing menopause symptoms. It relieves joint pain because it doesn’t put pressure on the joints. However, it increases your heart rate and burns calories to help you maintain a healthy weight.

Other benefits of swimming include the following:

strengthening your heart
reducing blood pressure
building bone density
promoting muscle tone
building endurance

How to Stay Motivated to Exercise

When starting an exercise routine, you must find ways to stay motivated. Staying motivated will help you stick to a routine and get enough exercise weekly.

Setting goals requires being realistic. You can’t expect to stick to a fitness routine if the goals are unachievable. It can quickly discourage you, and you might give up before forming good habits.

Your goals should also be specific, giving you something to strive toward. Rather than setting a vague goal, such as working out more, consider committing to a set timeframe daily. As you build strength and get better at exercising, you can adjust your goals to push yourself a little more.

Other Ways to Ease Menopause Symptoms

Exercise isn’t the only way to ease menopause symptoms, and you can use other methods along with it.

Consume More Calcium and Vitamin D

The hormonal changes you experience during menopause can weaken your bones. It increases your risk of developing osteoporosis. However, changing your diet can help ease this issue.

Consume more foods containing calcium and vitamin D to promote bone health. Studies show that increasing vitamin D intake decreases your risk of hip fractures. Some foods rich in vitamin D or calcium include:

dairy products
green, leafy vegetables
tofu
beans
sardines
calcium-fortified foods
eggs
cod liver oil

Get Outside

Your skin produces vitamin D, but only when exposed to the sun. Getting outside more often can promote bone health as your vitamin level increases.

Increase Your Fruit and Vegetable Intake

As low-calorie foods, fruits and vegetables can help you feel full while preventing weight gain. They can also help you lose or maintain weight when necessary. Fruits and vegetables also help prevent bone loss, with studies showing that those who consume many of them experience less bone breakdown.

Fruits and vegetables also prevent heart disease. Your risk of heart disease often increases after menopause, so it’s essential to consider this aspect.

Avoid Foods That Trigger Symptoms

Some foods and drinks can trigger menopause symptoms, especially when consumed at night. These foods might lead to night sweats, hot flashes, or unexpected mood changes.

Different foods and drinks affect people differently, so consider keeping a symptom diary. When you experience symptoms, track what you consumed shortly before having them. You can identify which foods trigger your symptoms, helping you avoid the ones that worsen them.

Many people experience issues with alcohol, caffeine, sugar, or spicy foods. Keep these things in mind as you track your symptoms because you might also have problems with them.

Final Thoughts on Exercises That Reduce Menopause Symptoms

Menopause is unavoidable, but you can make lifestyle changes to ease the transition. Exercising can reduce menopause symptoms, making you feel better and improving your overall well-being.

You can do some of the exercises at home, or you can join a fitness club or gym. Working out with friends may make the experience more enjoyable. Start slow and learn what you like so exercising becomes a part of the day you look forward to experiencing.

3 Ways a Pet Can Help with Sobriety

December 20, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

People who have never struggled with addiction don’t know how hard it is to heal and let go of your addiction to keep your sobriety. Because of that, most people don’t understand how difficult it is to maintain sobriety. Some believe that sobriety is reached by simply willing yourself to stop consuming substances. But that’s not even close. This is why there are programs specially designed to help people sober up.

But the journey doesn’t end once a rehab facility deems you stable. If you are struggling with addiction, the journey lasts your whole life. This is why finding things that can ground you and help you resist temptations is always helpful. For example, you can always get a pet if you need more help. By now, pets have been proven to help with a myriad of mental health struggles. And it seems this is the case for people recovering from drug and alcohol addiction.

Sure, getting a pet won’t guarantee your sobriety. You’ll still have to go to rehab and adhere to a strict regimen. And even then, there’s always a risk you’ll relapse. But, if you are devoted to making progress and staying sober, a pet will only help. Ultimately, addiction can only be managed by the person struggling with it.

But a pet will make you happier and help make that journey easier. Of course, you need to contact a professional if you or a loved one is struggling with addiction. But if you know someone who has gone through rehab and is now trying to stay sober, you can always recommend they get a pet. And here are a few reasons why that’s a sound way to improve their lives.

The Main Causes of Addiction

Everyone has the potential to become an addict at some point in their life. But not all people end up abusing substances. Sure, it could be argued that all people end up with some sort of addiction. But most of them are not so harmful that they are considered mental health issues. For example, there’s no rehab for coffee addiction because drinking too much coffee doesn’t have the same negative effects.

Plus, having one too many cups of coffee doesn’t inebriate you or make you a danger to yourself or the people around you. And it’s also tied to the fact that coffee drinkers don’t over-indulge because they want to drown their sorrows. They do it because they simply like the taste. Not even nicotine addiction isn’t treated the same as alcohol or drug addiction because nicotine doesn’t affect your consciousness and sobriety.

Some programs aim to help smokers quit, but they aren’t nearly as strict and complex as rehab programs. That’s because drug and alcohol addiction is much more dangerous than other addictions. Still, alcohol is legal in almost all countries, and lately, the use of certain drugs has been legalized and decriminalized in some places.

So, if some people can consume these substances without becoming addicted, why is that not the case for everyone? There are many answers to this question, but it all comes down to some people having a predisposition toward substance abuse instead of a sober life.

Genetic Factors and Addiction

One cause of addiction is genetic factors. Genes are something to consider, as addiction is moderate to highly heritable. This is especially true when the genetic relationship is closer (for example, you’ll have a higher predisposition to addiction if your parents had a history of addiction). But cases of addiction in your family aren’t the only thing you need to consider.

A family history of mental health struggles makes you more likely to have or develop such issues. Thus, you’ll be more likely to develop substance abuse issues to cope with mental health struggles. Most mental health issues are risk factors for addiction. This cause is stronger than genetics, which is why many mentally ill people turn to substance abuse.

When people don’t get help to be sober, they only feel like they can drown their sorrows in any substance they can get.

Other Factors That Cause Addiction

Besides genetic issues, there are also environmental factors to be considered. Even peer pressure can make people addicted. When your friends are constantly pressuring you to take one more shot or try a joint, it might not seem like a big deal. But it can quickly become a full-blown addiction. There doesn’t even need to be peer pressure involved. Sometimes, it’s enough to be raised by addicts or simply live in a community where addiction is common to start abusing substances.

When kids are raised to believe that the only way to solve their issues is through getting drunk or high, that’s what they will inevitably turn to. Often, addiction is also linked to poverty. This can be either because of culture or because the people can’t afford professional psychological help. So, they turn to the only thing that will bring them a little bit of comfort.

Lastly, having unresolved trauma also increases the risk of addiction. This can range from being abused as a kid to losing someone you love or even being bullied. Of course, all forms of abuse, whether sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal, can push people towards substances. But even something that’s seemingly manageable, for example, stress, can be a cause of addiction.

If you are struggling with addiction, there’s no need to be ashamed. It can happen to everyone; contrary to popular belief, it’s not a sign of weakness. It shows that you were going through some things and didn’t have the proper support and help at the time. But, given how serious addiction is, how can a pet help you gain and maintain a new and sober life?

3 Ways a Pet Can Help with Sobriety

1. They Improve Your Mood, Helping You Remain Sober

Alcohol and drug addiction are complicated to overcome because of how these substances interact with your brain. The more you consume, the more you need to reach a high, which ultimately means your serotonin levels will be depleted. This is why people go through withdrawal symptoms.

The physical symptoms can almost exclusively be overcome by going through rehab. But people struggle with their sobriety, even after overcoming physical withdrawal, because of some physical aspects. Usually, it’s because addicts can’t understand how to be happy without substances. But a pet can help you maintain sobriety by improving your mood.

Many studies show that having a pet, especially a dog has a positive effect on the brain, similar to the effect dopamine has. So, in a way, it’s like the effect that drugs or alcohol have, but without having to take the actual substances. Plus, having a pet can make you feel relaxed and relieve your stress. Not to mention that they can sense something wrong with you and will come to your aid when you need it. This is why pets are used for therapy and even as service pets.

2. They Force You to Have a Sober Daily Routine and Responsibilities

One of the most important things you can do to maintain sobriety is to have some structure in your life. Managing your need to use will be easier if you’re busy and productive. Plus, there’s a sense of responsibility that having a pet brings to the table.

You’ll be less likely to relapse when you know someone is counting on you. If not for your own sake, it will at least be because you know your pet needs you. Having a pet requires a lot of work. Even if you have a fish, you must feed it and change its water frequently. But getting a dog or a cat requires even more work and an even stricter routine. So ideally, if you can, you should get a pet that requires physical exercise.

For example, if you get a dog, you’ll have to take it on daily walks. And that physical exercise can help boost your mood and overall health, which also helps with your sobriety.

3. They Make You Feel Less Isolated When You Struggle With Sobriety

Sobriety is almost impossible if you don’t have someone helping you. This is why people who have supportive friends and families tend to have more success when it comes to managing their sobriety. But it can be hard to reach out to people when you are struggling so much and feel vulnerable.

You might even feel isolated by society, especially if you are surrounded by people who don’t accept such struggles. But someone who will never judge you and will always make you feel loved is a pet. Getting a pet who needs socializing, such as a dog, can help you get out and meet new people.

You’d be surprised to see how many people you can meet at the dog park. But, even if you don’t want to meet new people, simply spending time with your pet can make you feel less alone. And the less lonely you feel, the more motivated you’ll be to stay sober.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways a Pet Can Help with Sobriety

Unfortunately, sobriety is an arduous journey that will last for as long as you’re alive. There’s always a risk that someone who has once been addicted will relapse and end up even worse than before. And, even though a pet won’t be the miracle solution to all your problems, it will help.

There are many reasons why pets can help you maintain your sobriety. But one of the most important is that pets help boost your mood and make you feel less isolated. It’s even been shown that spending time with a pet releases dopamine, thus giving a similar effect to the one given by substances.

So, in a way, there’s no better substitute for the feeling induced by substances than hanging out with a pet. Plus, having a pet makes you enforce a routine and have responsibilities that can help keep you on the right track and stay sober. But, if you or anyone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you need to get professional help, not just rely on a pet. Even though pets help a lot, they are not a substitute for rehab.

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5 Reasons Smart People Don’t Waste Their Time on Anger

The Harmful Potential of Anger

Why Smart Folks Don’t Waste Time on Anger

1. Negativity Never Does Anything Good (Except Make You Angry and Tired)

2. Unforgiveness Hurts You More

3. Anger and Resentment Keep You in the Past

4. There’s a Lesson to Learn From Anger

5. Angry Feelings Expend a Lot of Valuable Energy

Final Thoughts on Why It’s Important to Let Go and Release Anger

What Is Gaslighting?

How It Happens

It Starts With A Lie

5 Hidden Signs of Gaslighting Never to Ignore

1. The Manipulator Always Argues with You

2. The Manipulator Is Always Trivialising

3. Gaslighting Behavior Lacks Accountability

4. The Manipulator Will Refuse to Listen or Pretend Not To Understand

5. The Manipulator Will Lie and Divert

Final Thoughts on Hidden Signs of Gaslighting Never to Ignore

What is Self-Discipline, and Why is It Important?

Can You Learn Self-Discipline?

The Cookie Experiment

3 Ways to Increase Self-Discipline

1. Stop Procrastinating

2. Start a Routine

3. Surround Yourself with Disciplined People

Final Thoughts on Ways to Increase Self-Discipline

What Causes Abandonment Trauma?

How Environmental Factors Lead to Trauma

3 Ways to Heal Abandonment Trauma

1. Self-Care

2. Meditation and Positivity

3. Therapy

Final Thoughts on Some Ways to Heal Abandonment Trauma

Thirteen Menopause Symptoms

Benefits of Exercise During Menopause

Strengthening Your Bones

Improving Your Mood

Maintaining Healthy Weight

Reducing Symptoms

Exercises That Reduce Menopause Symptoms

1 – Brisk Walking

2 – Assisted Yoga

3 – Hand Weights

4 – Resistance Band Training

5 – Tai Chi

6 – Water Aerobics

7 – Balance Training

8 – Bicycling

9 – Flexibility Stretches

10 – Swimming

How to Stay Motivated to Exercise

Other Ways to Ease Menopause Symptoms

Consume More Calcium and Vitamin D

Get Outside

Increase Your Fruit and Vegetable Intake

Avoid Foods That Trigger Symptoms

Final Thoughts on Exercises That Reduce Menopause Symptoms

The Main Causes of Addiction

Genetic Factors and Addiction

Other Factors That Cause Addiction

3 Ways a Pet Can Help with Sobriety

1. They Improve Your Mood, Helping You Remain Sober

2. They Force You to Have a Sober Daily Routine and Responsibilities

3. They Make You Feel Less Isolated When You Struggle With Sobriety

Final Thoughts On Some Ways a Pet Can Help with Sobriety

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Us

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