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8 Negative Emotional Patterns You Need to Avoid

March 5, 2016 by Power of Positivity

As humans, we tend to beat ourselves up for things we’ve done in the past. We carry embarrassment, guilt and memories like a giant sack of potatoes across continents on our backs. Every so often, we sit the sack down and let things go to no sooner pick it right back up with regrets, anger, jealousy, resentments, and shame. We feed the emotional patterns while giving power to them.

Here are 8 emotional patterns you need to avoid:

1. Shame.

This is the ego’s way of dictating your worth. It will recreate past stories and use them to make you stay stuck in a place of infinite hell. Shame is one of those emotions that is quiet. It won’t speak up. It sits churning its nasty grip while making you feel that you are not entitled to happiness. The cure for shame is complete vulnerability to step up and be authentic in your power and gifts.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.” ~ Brene Brown

2. Jealousy is a harmful emotional response.

The ugly green monster shows up when you expect something to be yours and it hasn’t happen. Expectations are the fueling energy to jealousy. Jealousy is a disease that the immature mind believes to surpass in love. What we want and how we wanted our affected by this emotion? It is a child-like tantrum that serves nothing but vile. If you want to succeed be happy for another. Allow them to excel and in that moment you will find that helping another is the best gift for your peace of mind.

3. Regrets.

The things that ache the most are usually the ones we can never grasp again. They are the memories that have been placed on some pedestal of romanticism. Regrets are painstakingly dangerous. They are the obscure longing of impossible things that we did not do, or did wrongly. They are the nostalgia cues of a drunken mind full of living in the past.

4. Resentments.

Carrie Fisher says, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ” Just like regrets, resentment is built on the unapologetic gesture of past events. You cannot return back there. You cannot change what has happened, but you have the complete capacity and opportunity to make things right as of this moment.

5. Judgment is an adverse emotional pattern.

Criticism is self-sabotaging. When you judge another it comes from fear of not understanding them. Judging arrives through ignorance, childhood programming, and the idea that you are in control of all. In order to release judgment you must make peace with your own choices. You must be willing to stand and detach while accepting that we are never going to be perfect. And, while you are at it embrace your own imperfections.

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

6. Unforgiving of yourself and others.

This is a big one! Forgiveness is not for anyone else but yourself. When you forgive another for their wrongdoing you are allowing the space for freedom. When we hold on to anger, hatred, and unloving emotions, the only one being hurt is you.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”~ Mahatma Gandhi

7. Depression.

There comes a point in everyone’s life where there’s no return. You pass the point of certainty and assurance. The doors close. The windows are nailed shut. Surviving is too much. The darkness embraces you in a warm blanket of despair and it just feels better to stay there. Depression hits anyone. It doesn’t care about social status, gender, age, race, or ethnicity. Depression doesn’t care that you are “tight with God,” a church goer, a monk, or even the most spiritual being out there. It’s a dark hole that doesn’t understand rational analysis. Get help. Do not allow the claws of this emotion to bring you into complete despair. Do not sit with it until it controls every part of your life. There is always a way!

8. Fear is an emotional response.

Fear paralyzes us. It holds us captive and imprisons everything we know to be true. But without fear there is no courage. We can use this emotion to gather strength. Fear doesn’t let us see truth. It’s up to us to remove it, through baby steps, or complete plunges into the unknown. It requires the tenacity of a positive outlook. To read more about how to overcome your fears, refer to our related article here.

Do yourself a favor…stop the self-sabotaging. Drop the past. Start today. You are beating yourself up for no reason but as punishment for what happened to you eons ago. Find something outside of you to sustain you, like the wisdom of divinity, faith, belief or whatever you want to call it. Stand in your glory and light. Embark in the mysteries and mysticism of this clarity. Do not allow Ego to dictate your worth. Do not allow the media and others to put a price on you. Get out of your own way. Stand up! Stand in gratitude for all that you’ve overcome. Own your part in your drama. Be responsible for it all but let it go.

Stimulating This ONE Nerve Relieves Fatigue, Anxiety And Brain Fog

March 4, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Every organ in your body is connected to the vagus nerve, so there’s little wonder that stimulating your vagus nerve helps relieve fatigue, anxiety, brain fog and more. The vagus nerve is important to your sense of intuition, or your gut sense. This knowledge can help you to pay attention to tiny but important details that help you make good decisions.

Vagus means ‘wandering’ and this nerve reaches all the way from your brain to your intestines. The vagus nerve also connects the brain to many other vital organs. The nerve sends information from the brain and receives information from the organs. In turn, the data gets sent back to the brain in a feedback loop.

Think about your fight or flight response for a moment. Your sympathetic nervous system is responsible for getting you ready to face danger. Once the danger has subsided, your parasympathetic nervous system resumes normal, relaxed bodily functioning.

The vagus nerve is responsible for digestion, rest, and recovery from environmental stress. Anything from a hectic day at work to coming back from a run is when your parasympathetic nervous system takes over by activating organs to begin the ‘rest and digest’ mode.

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Arielle Schwartz says that the vagus nerve helps with ‘regulation of nervous system states [and] is critical for the treatment of mental health conditions.’ Anything from mild anxiety to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression are likely liked to the functioning of the vagus nerve.

7 Ways to Stimulate Your Vagus Nerve to Relieve Fatigue, Anxiety And Brain Fog

By stimulating the vagus nerve, we are sending a message to our body that we are ready to relax and we want our organs to go into a relaxed state as well. Learning to stimulate your vagus nerve is another tool in your fight against stress and anxiety.

1. Meditation to Alleviate Anxiety

Researchers believe that there is a connection between mood disorders like anxiety and depression and problems in the vagus nerve function. Researchers studying the vagus nerve and its connection to mood, memory, and learning believe that ‘understanding the neurobiology of emotional regulation and dysregulation’ when these emotional states cannot be ‘turned off’ will lead to powerful and exciting new treatments for mood and anxiety disorders.’

Stimulating the vagus nerve is one way that we can teach our bodies to turn off arousing emotional states, such as anxiety. Researchers found that a specific type of meditation, called the ‘Loving Kindness Meditation’ helped reduce heart rate variability. Specifically achieving a positive emotion and a positive social connection to others in combination with meditation changed the activity of the vagus nerve.

2. Massage

You can manually stimulate your vagus nerve by massaging several areas. A foot massage can stimulate vagus nerve activity, as can massaging your neck. A neck massage along the carotid sinus (the right side of your throat near where you check your pulse) can also stimulate the vagus nerve.

3. Cold

Drinking cold water or splashing cold water on your face may be enough to stimulate your vagus nerve. You can also take cold showers, take a swim in an unheated pool or try cryotherapy.

4. Fasting to Reduce Anxiety

The vagus nerve is responsible for digestion when your brain says that you are in a safe environment. Otherwise, your body might deprioritize digestion when dealing with stress. By fasting, an empty stomach sends signals back to the brain that digestion is unnecessary. Thus, your body will use your energy resources for relaxation instead.

5. Breathing techniques

Deep breathing is always relaxing to your body, but you can use other breathing techniques to stimulate your vagus nerve. If you are interested in ways to relieve anxiety, you may have already read our article called This Ancient Breathing Technique Can Help Relieve Anxiety. Alternate nostril breathing or yogic breathing is a great way to stimulate the vagus nerve.

Another breathing technique that you may never have tried is inhaling deeply and then closing your airway while pushing your breath against the inside of your chest and bearing down with your abdominal muscles (like you are trying to pass gas). This method of applying internal pressure from the lungs out to the surrounding organs stimulates the vagus nerve as it connects your heart, spleen, lungs, stomach, and small intestines.

6. Chanting

Om. That single chant in the key of somewhere between B, C, and C# on the musical scale creates internal vibration in our throats. It sends smaller vibrations to the lungs and other organs.

7. Laughter with friends

Researchers in the journal of psychological science found that more social connections led to more opportunities for positive emotions, which also increased stimulation of the vagus nerve. The researchers say ‘This experimental evidence identifies one mechanism – perceptions of social connections – through which positive emotions build physical health.’ Laughter makes you feel good and stimulates your vagus nerve, which helps produce overall good health and well-being.

For more information on your intuition and trusting your gut, read our article called 5 Signs You’re Not Listening to Your Gut Instincts.

25 “F Words” You Need To Add To Your Vocabulary

March 4, 2016 by Power of Positivity

We all probably already use the choice “F-word” in our daily lives, but you won’t find that expletive on this list. Instead, we wanted to give you a list of words you’ve likely never heard of but will want to add to your vocabulary to impress (or baffle) your friends or spice up your conversations.

The letter F was birthed into the Greek alphabet more than 2500 years ago and has been in use ever since. The letter comprises around 2.5 percent of any given page of written English, and appears most frequently in words like for, if, from, and of. Three percent of all words in the dictionary beginning with the letter F, including these 25 interesting words.

Here are 25 “F” words you need to add to your vocabulary:

1. FACETIAE

A Latin word for “cleverness” or “skillfulness,” facetiae referred to witty sayings in 16th-century English. However, the meaning later evolved into a euphemism for pornographic literature in Victorian slang.

2. FAKEMENT

An 18th-century word for a forged signature.

3. FALSILOQUENCE

Lying, deceitful speech.

4. FAMELICOSE

Famelicose, meaning hungry often, came from the Latin word “fames,” meaning hunger.

5. FAMGRASP

To shake hands: figuratively, to agree or make up a difference.

6. FAMIGERATE

While this word has fallen out of use today, it was used greatly in the 17th century, and meant to deliver news from abroad, or discuss foreign news.

7. FANFARONADE

A fanfaron means a boastful, arrogant person, so likewise, fanfaronade means to brag, boast, or talk arrogantly.

8. FLUG-FISTED

An Irish word for being left-handed.

9. FANG-FAKER

A dentist in Victorian slang.

10. FEDIFRAGOUS

To break a promise or pledge, to go against your word, or act unfaithfully.

11. FELL-LURKING

A Shakespearism, used in Henry VI: Part 2, meaning to lurk to do something bad.

12. FESCENNINE

Latin fescennini (versus), ribald songs sung at rustic weddings, probably from Fescinninus of Fescennium, from Fescennium, a town in Etruria, which was located in northern and central Italy more than 2500 years ago. It evolved to mean obscene, lewd, or scurrilous.

13. FILLYLOO

A noisy uproar or exclamation.

14. FIRE-SCORDEL

An old English dialect word refers to someone sitting around in front of the fire all day. Interestingly, a dog that engages in this behavior is called a fire-spannel.

15. FIRKYTOODLE

To fondle or caress someone.

16. FIRTLE

To mess around, waste time, or act very busy and fidget while doing very little.

17. FLAMBUGINOUS

A flam is a whimsical or nonsensical idea, so flambuginous literally means anything “flam-like.”

18. FLAMFOO

An old Scots dialect word for a woman who is dressed gaudily. Derives from flamfew, a 16th century word for anything useless or trifling.

19. FLAPDOODLER

Flapdoodle is a 19th century slang word for a fool or nonsense, and so it makes sense then that a flapdoodler is someone who talks foolishly.

20. FLAUNT-TANT

A flaunt-tant is a boastful or pretentious set of words or sentences.

21. FLAYBOTTOMIST

Because they caned undisciplined pupils’ behinds, schoolteachers, or schoolmasters, were nicknamed flaybottomists in 18th century slang. A flaybottomist could also be known as a bum-brusher.

22. FLITTER-MOUSE

A Tudor period word for a bat, a reremouse, or a flindermouse.

23. FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION

Floccus (literally “a wisp”), naucum (“a trifle”), nihil (“nothing”) and pilus (“a hair”) are all Latin-derived words that one can easily interpret as meaning “very little,” or “nothing at all.” Floccinaucinihilipilification—apparently created by students studying Latin at England’s Eton College—combines all four in one noun to mean “the act of estimating something as worthless.” It’s known as one of the longest words in the English language and one of the longest terms in any dictionary.

24. FLOCCIPEND

To estimate or categorize something as worthless, which is a similar meaning to the term above.

25. FLUCKADRIFT

An old word from the far north of Scotland for a sudden haste or hurry.

What Does Your Chinese Zodiac Reveal For 2016?

March 4, 2016 by Power of Positivity

February 8, 2016 marked the beginning of the Chinese New Year, which runs until January 27, 2017. In the Year of the Fire Monkey, the confident, domineering energy of Fire meets Monkey’s creative, upbeat, and curious spirit.The Chinese Zodiac runs on a 12 year cycle, with each year being represented by a different animal and its innate characteristics. These 12 animals include: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig.

This chart below shows which zodiac sign you are:

Your Chinese Zodiac sign comes from your birth year, according to the Chinese lunar calendar.

However, those born in January and February take note: Chinese (Lunar) New Year moves between 21 January and February 20. If you were born in January or February, make sure you check whether your birth date falls before or after the Chinese New Year so you can accurately determine your Chinese zodiac sign.

Rat: 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960
Ox: 2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961
Tiger: 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962
Rabbit: 2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963
Dragon: 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964
Snake: 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965
Horse: 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966
Goat: 2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967
Monkey: 2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968
Rooster: 2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969
Dog: 2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970
Pig: 2019, 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971

2016 – Year of the Red Monkey

2016 is the year of the Red Monkey, according to the Chinese Zodiac. There are 5 elements composing each animal: water, air, fire, wood, and metal. With the Chinese Zodiac, it combines the theory of Five Elements, the relationships between animal signs, and the image meaning of I-Ching hexagram. With that said, the monkey combines the elements of metal and water.

2016 is a big year for financial success, because metal is associated with money, and water is associated with risk-taking and wisdom. Let’s take a closer look to see what your Chinese zodiac says for 2016.

What Does Your Chinese Zodiac Reveal for 2016?

Rat

Intelligent, wise, charming, social, ambitious, stubborn, desires power

Rats, it looks like 2016 will bring much success in relationships. If you’re single, you’ll have opportunities to find a lover, and if you’re already partnered up, it might lead to something more serious.

Career-wise, everything looks positive, but make sure to not let petty arguments get in the way of success.

Ox

Hard-working, loyal, honest, creative, determined, patient, stubborn, poor communicators

Ox, you have a romantic lucky star in the forecast this year, so be on the lookout for your next love interest.

Last year may not have looked so good for you, but don’t worry – just focus on clearing out negative energies and keep working on you. This year looks far better already for you, both love and career-wise. Keep reaching for the stars, and turn those dreams into reality! Just keep your confidence and believe that any wrongs will quickly be made right.

Tiger

Friendly, charming, enthusiastic, ambitious, confident, irritable, boastful

Tigers, you will easily attract love this year, or keep it around if you already have a partner. However, the Tiger and Monkey are enemies, so watch out for conflicts this year.

Try not to let your impulsive nature run the show too much, Tiger. This is the year to step back and really think your decisions through before you act on them. Your determination and willpower will allow you to calmly make big decisions and see every goal through to the end.

Rabbit

Kind-hearted, friendly, empathetic, sincere, intelligent, stubborn, discreet

Single Rabbits will meet lots of new people and maybe even their one and only. Those in relationships will watch their love blossom and deepen throughout the year.

Rabbits will have the best luck of any animal this year, enjoying abundance in finances and business opportunities. Creative Rabbits will enjoy many new events and people this year, with the star of prosperity shining brightly up above them.

Dragon

Successful, spiritual, courageous, innovative, imaginative, artistic, powerful, over-confident

Dragons, sorry to say, but this year doesn’t look so bright for finding love. However, the victory star will shine overhead, bringing much luck in finances and business. The wisdom of the Monkey will positively impact the Dragon, which will help to show you down the right path. Keep your head up through any difficulties, as they will quickly pass.

Snake

Wise, sympathetic, organized, elegant, attractive, discreet, lazy, vain

Those in long-term relationships may find themselves answering to a marriage proposal, and single Snakes shouldn’t let their picky nature influence a new flame.

Snakes will enjoy great luck and fortune this year, but need to watch their money closely. The victory star brings even more luck and good fortune to the Snake.

Horse

Clever, energetic, strong, popular, ambitious, arrogant, over-confident

Horses, this year doesn’t look so bright for love – relationships might either fizzle out quickly, or hit many roadblocks later down the road. However, it looks wonderful for your career this year, as the heaven luck star will guide you down the right path.

This year, remember to keep taking risks, look after your own health and energy levels, and watch your surroundings so that nothing catches you by surprise. Major life changes will await you if you put in the work and stay committed and focused.

Sheep/Goat

Polite, calm, compassionate, imaginative, intuitive, sensitive, determined, pessimistic

Sheep, this year looks promising for you in the love department, as long as you don’t let your sensitive nature control the outcome too much. Single sheep and goats will easily attract a mate, and those in relationships already might have marriage, vow renewals, or a baby on the radar.

The wealth star shining on Sheep will bring wealth, not just in financial areas, but also in romance, health, and careers. This year, take up artistic or other creative pursuits that you’ve been putting on the back burner; also, make sure to look after yourself and cut out any bad habits that harm your mind/body. Also, keep to a budget so that you don’t overspend or waste money on things you don’t really need.

Monkey

Wise, intelligent, bright, charismatic, restless, lively, egotistical, arrogant

Monkeys, this is your year, after all, but you’ll be consumed by career goals and won’t have much time to mingle with love interests. However, make sure to take some time to bond with loved ones, and be patient when it comes to romance. Love might happen, but don’t force it.

Monkeys might see unexpected wealth, but should take care to not become too obsessed with money and power. Unlucky stars are on the radar, unfortunately, so watch out for anything suspicious, and take time for you whenever you can.

Whenever anything goes wrong this year, just remember to keep a smile on your face and treat others with sincerity and kindness. Do this, and any obstacles you face will quickly be removed.

Rooster/Chicken

Kind-hearted, flexible, hard working, independent, honest, flamboyant, persuasive

Roosters, this year looks quite positive for romance. Flings may quickly turn more serious. You’ll see great luck and fortune in many areas of your life, including love, education, travel, and self-growth. You naturally are a dreamer, so this year you might see them come to life if you stay focused on the more realistic visions you have.

Dog

Friendly, faithful, loyal, courageous, adaptable, critical

This will be a difficult year for romance for Dogs, as they will let their insecurities block the road to love. Single dogs will have a full year ahead of career goals, so they are better off steering clear of distractions with romance. Couples might encounter issues due to miscommunication or selfishness. Make sure to listen to your partner’s needs and try not to blow things out of proportion.

Don’t let fear control your life this year, as it will hold you back when it comes to business and finance. As long as you keep a positive outlook, you can tackle anything you will face.

Boar/Pig

Happy, easy going, honest, trusting, sincere, optimistic, sociable, unrealistic, materialistic

Although Boars might see much opportunity for a romance to blossom, it seems that relationships will only last a short while. Long-term relationships might see great difficulty, so keep your calm this year if you encounter any obstacles. Boars have a strong exterior, but a soft, caring, sensitive heart. Remember to allow your loved ones space, and not get too possessive.

Wealth and personal success will easily come to you, with the lucky star shining bright on Boars.

2016 will bring with it great opportunities to follow big dreams and start up new projects. The Monkey represents creativity and an entrepreneurial, independent spirit, so no dream or goal is too difficult to reach. You’ll notice much abundance in your life this year, so get ready to accept what’s coming with an open heart!

Also, if you’d like to see what your regular zodiac says for 2016, you can read more about that here.

11 Quotes To Remember When You Feel Lonely

March 3, 2016 by Power of Positivity

If you’ve ever felt lonely before, you know just how badly it can hurt.

Scientists have even called loneliness an epidemic due to how widespread and severe the isolation can seem in our modern way of living. We all have feelings of being alone in this world from time to time, but we can learn valuable lessons through the seemingly unbearable pain. The next time you feel lonely, refer to the following quotes for guidance and support.

“Don’t feel lonely; the entire universe is inside you.” – Rumi

Here are 11 quotes to remember when you feel lonely:

1. “Not everyone you lose is a loss.” – Unknown

2. “Sometimes, you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. To figure everything out.” – Unknown

3. “When you are evolving to your higher self, the road seems lonely. But you’re simply shedding energies that no longer match the frequency of your destiny.” – Unknown

4. “The hardest walk is walking alone, but it’s also the walk that makes you the strongest.” – Unknown

5. “A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.” – Unknown

6. Standing alone is better than being around people who don’t value you.

7. “To find peace, sometimes you have to be willing to lose the connection with the people, places, and things that create all the noise in your life.” – Unknown

8. “Sometimes you need to take a break from everyone and spend time alone to experience, appreciate, and love yourself.” – Robert Tew

9. “People know your name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else.” – Unknown

10. “You can come out bitter or you can come out better. There is purpose in your pain.” – Unknown

11. “The ones who notice the storms in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.” – Unknown

During times of intense loneliness, remember the following five tips to help you out:

1. Join groups that have the same interests as yours.

In order to overcome loneliness, you need to feel a common bond with others. We all have an intrinsic need to feel accepted by others, and connecting with like-minded people could turn out to be the best decision you’ve made for your mental and emotional health.

2. Take time to know yourself better.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” – Wayne Dyer

In all honesty, you must learn to enjoy your own company before you can truly appreciate the company of others. Otherwise, you will only want to connect with other people out of desperation in an attempt to escape from yourself. You have to go deep within and break all the chains that bind you so that you can finally leave behind any emotional trauma from the past. It will seem much easier to connect with others once you’re fully in tune with your own self.

3. Try to meet someone new each time you go out.

How many times do you notice people’s heads in their phones when you go out in public nowadays? Maybe you have fallen into this habit as well, so try to put away your phone for a change and go up to someone new. Strike up a conversation with the girl at the grocery store check-out, or the person waiting at the bus stop, or the jogger at the running trail that you frequent.

You have a chance to connect with someone pretty much anywhere you go; we have a world occupied by more people than ever before, so really, we all don’t have much of an excuse for feeling lonely. It just takes reaching out to someone and not limiting ourselves to our current reality.

4. Spend less time in virtual reality, and more time in the real world.

We can instantly connect with almost anyone online, but it just doesn’t compare with a face-to-face human connection. We can’t hug someone online, or see the change in their facial expressions, or feel the energy of the person through the computer or phone. Try to limit your technology use to a few hours a day if you can; you will find that you have much more time to bond with your current friends and even make connections with new ones.

5. Remember that feelings are only temporary.

Not to argue that loneliness is definitely a growing reality in our modern world, but does a temporary feeling accurately depict your entire life? Maybe you have a tight-knit group of friends and family, but just feel lonely at the moment. Sometimes our feelings don’t always mirror our reality, so make sure to tune in to these emotions whenever they arise.

Don’t Get Married Unless You’ve Asked Your Partner These 15 Questions

March 3, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Getting married is such a big decision, and your partner should have excellent and compatible answers to these fifteen questions before either of you says ‘I do.’ Knowing the whole truth about your partner’s medical, family, legal, and financial history is crucial, as well as how you two will handle future scenarios and avoid becoming a divorce statistic.

The current divorce rate in the United States is between 40-50%, but that rate has been declining since 1996. Communication, cooperation, and commitment are all essential for making a marriage work, but knowing yourselves is crucial also.

Here are fifteen conversational questions to ask your partner that might make a difference before you two get married. Don’t avoid these questions or you might wish you had asked them before it was too late.

Don’t Get Married Unless You’ve Asked Your Partner These 15 Questions

1. How will we handle a future major move that affects both of us?

It could be a fantastic job offer that makes your partner want to move to Cleveland, but your partner may be going alone if you aren’t on board. Figure out ahead of time what your comfort level is with this type of major change. If your partner would move for you, you must be willing to move for them.

2. Do we feel compatible about our spiritual beliefs and the beliefs of our family?

No one wants to rock the boat regarding long-held family spiritual beliefs. If your partner expects that you will have a religious wedding ceremony and will be raising your children in their faith, make sure you feel comfortable with that as well.

3. How will we handle a major medical crisis for ourselves or family members?

Do we plan to take care of family members in our homes as they age or do we need a financial plan to keep them in assisted living?

4. Do we have any genetic illnesses that could be passed on to children?

Sickle cell disease, hemophilia, cancer, and other genetic illnesses run in families. Know your level of risk and the risk to your future children for illnesses from either side of the family. How would you care for a child that was born with a severe disability?

5. How do we balance holiday and special occasion time with both families and also make sure to have special time for us?

Holidays can be very stressful, and no matter what you celebrate, your parents and your partner’s parents both want your time. But what about you two, and your own new family? Deciding how to split your time so everyone’s needs are met can be challenging.

6. What are we both working on changing about ourselves to be better people?

What don’t you like about yourself and want to improve on?

7. Where do we see ourselves in 5, 10, 15, or 50 years? Would our plans be any different if we weren’t marrying?

You don’t want to find out later that your partner has always wanted to join the circus but passed on a chance to live their dream to be with you. This sort of unfulfilled fantasy can create tension in a marriage.

8. Do we feel confident that we can make each other laugh?

Joy helps ease many daily tensions. Make sure you can laugh, even during a crisis.

9. What are our current frustrations with each other, and can we fix them? Why have these not been communicated before now?

Why wait for an argument? Ask our partner what they dislike about your behavior now and find a way to help make them feel like you are respecting their preferences. Make sure that you are willing to give, receive, and apply feedback from each other.

10. How do we plan to commit to making our passion last?

Losing the spark would be awful. What can you commit to ensuring that sex is a priority in your marriage even 40 years from now? Read our guide about the key things that kill the flame in relationships for more insight on what not to do.

11. Would you be open to talking to a marriage counselor if we had a problem that we could not resolve?

In a study of couples who were currently seeking counseling, wives were more likely to seek out counseling while husbands were more reluctant to get help. Willingness to seek help when you have irreconcilable differences is essential.

12. Do you think that problems in the relationship are due more to things inside or outside the relationship?

This question reveals if your partner thinks that they have things within their own power that they can do to improve things. Having an ‘internal locus of control’ is a key trait for problem solvers and positive thinkers. The opposite is an external locus of control, which is the sense that life happens to you, not something you are an active player in.

A study of romantic commitment and locus of control showed that women who internalized their sense of control had deeper and more committed romantic relationships than people who see life as a series of outside events happening to them. People who internalize control believe that they, themselves, have the power to act to fix a problem rather than blame another person.

13. How did you change your behavior based on past failed relationships?

Most of us have had failed relationships before we married. Find out what your partner learned from that experience and how they changed their behavior as a result.

14. What are your financial obligations and goals?

Are you starting out in debt like many couples do or are you ready to invest for your future? What steps do you need to take to make sure that financial emergencies are covered?

15. Do we feel able to completely trust in each other’s commitment to marriage?

Trust is the secret to a secure, loving, and profoundly committed marriage. Trust is earned based on words and actions. Ask yourselves this question and then ask your partner if they have any reservations about trust.

You can read more about what might prevent you from marrying in our article here.

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