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Don’t Get Married Unless You’ve Asked Your Partner These 15 Questions

Getting married is such a big decision, and your partner should have excellent and compatible answers to these fifteen questions before either of you says ‘I do.’ Knowing the whole truth about your partner’s medical, family, legal, and financial history is crucial, as well as how you two will handle future scenarios and avoid becoming a divorce statistic.

The current divorce rate in the United States is between 40-50%, but that rate has been declining since 1996. Communication, cooperation, and commitment are all essential for making a marriage work, but knowing yourselves is crucial also.

Here are fifteen conversational questions to ask your partner that might make a difference before you two get married. Don’t avoid these questions or you might wish you had asked them before it was too late.

Don’t Get Married Unless You’ve Asked Your Partner These 15 Questions

before getting married

1. How will we handle a future major move that affects both of us?

It could be a fantastic job offer that makes your partner want to move to Cleveland, but your partner may be going alone if you aren’t on board. Figure out ahead of time what your comfort level is with this type of major change. If your partner would move for you, you must be willing to move for them.

2. Do we feel compatible about our spiritual beliefs and the beliefs of our family?

No one wants to rock the boat regarding long-held family spiritual beliefs. If your partner expects that you will have a religious wedding ceremony and will be raising your children in their faith, make sure you feel comfortable with that as well.

3. How will we handle a major medical crisis for ourselves or family members?

Do we plan to take care of family members in our homes as they age or do we need a financial plan to keep them in assisted living?

4. Do we have any genetic illnesses that could be passed on to children?

Sickle cell disease, hemophilia, cancer, and other genetic illnesses run in families. Know your level of risk and the risk to your future children for illnesses from either side of the family. How would you care for a child that was born with a severe disability?

5. How do we balance holiday and special occasion time with both families and also make sure to have special time for us?

Holidays can be very stressful, and no matter what you celebrate, your parents and your partner’s parents both want your time. But what about you two, and your own new family? Deciding how to split your time so everyone’s needs are met can be challenging.

6. What are we both working on changing about ourselves to be better people?

What don’t you like about yourself and want to improve on?

7. Where do we see ourselves in 5, 10, 15, or 50 years? Would our plans be any different if we weren’t marrying?

You don’t want to find out later that your partner has always wanted to join the circus but passed on a chance to live their dream to be with you. This sort of unfulfilled fantasy can create tension in a marriage.

8. Do we feel confident that we can make each other laugh?

Joy helps ease many daily tensions. Make sure you can laugh, even during a crisis.

9. What are our current frustrations with each other, and can we fix them? Why have these not been communicated before now?

Why wait for an argument? Ask our partner what they dislike about your behavior now and find a way to help make them feel like you are respecting their preferences. Make sure that you are willing to give, receive, and apply feedback from each other.

10. How do we plan to commit to making our passion last?

Losing the spark would be awful. What can you commit to ensuring that sex is a priority in your marriage even 40 years from now? Read our guide about the key things that kill the flame in relationships for more insight on what not to do.

11. Would you be open to talking to a marriage counselor if we had a problem that we could not resolve?

In a study of couples who were currently seeking counseling, wives were more likely to seek out counseling while husbands were more reluctant to get help. Willingness to seek help when you have irreconcilable differences is essential.

12. Do you think that problems in the relationship are due more to things inside or outside the relationship?

This question reveals if your partner thinks that they have things within their own power that they can do to improve things. Having an ‘internal locus of control’ is a key trait for problem solvers and positive thinkers. The opposite is an external locus of control, which is the sense that life happens to you, not something you are an active player in.

A study of romantic commitment and locus of control showed that women who internalized their sense of control had deeper and more committed romantic relationships than people who see life as a series of outside events happening to them. People who internalize control believe that they, themselves, have the power to act to fix a problem rather than blame another person.

13. How did you change your behavior based on past failed relationships?

Most of us have had failed relationships before we married. Find out what your partner learned from that experience and how they changed their behavior as a result.

14. What are your financial obligations and goals?

Are you starting out in debt like many couples do or are you ready to invest for your future? What steps do you need to take to make sure that financial emergencies are covered?

before getting married

15. Do we feel able to completely trust in each other’s commitment to marriage?

Trust is the secret to a secure, loving, and profoundly committed marriage. Trust is earned based on words and actions. Ask yourselves this question and then ask your partner if they have any reservations about trust.

You can read more about what might prevent you from marrying in our article here.

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Einstein

“A question that drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?” -Albert Einstein

Photographer Arthur Sasse attempted to persuade Einstein to smile for the camera on his 72nd birthday. Instead, the prominent genius playfully stuck out his tongue. This one snapshot personified Einstein in a way that nothing could – a revelatory intellectual that never took himself too seriously. The photograph revealed Einstein’s humanity. The image remains a reminder to us all that we live a better life when we take things in stride.

There are things we know for certain about Einstein:  his genius, theory of relativity (e = mc 2) and unparalleled impact on science amongst them. But Albert Einstein was no lab rat in a white jacket fumbling with beakers – he was far more interesting. In fact, some may find little-known facts about the great physicist more compelling than his actual work. Above all else, these factoids pertaining to the life of this genius reveal a deep-thinking, but very real, very human life.

Here are 10 things you didn’t know about Albert Einstein:

einstein

1. He didn’t begin speaking until well into childhood

Today, we infer much about a child’s intelligence relative to how early he or she begins to speak. Some correlation does exist between verbal acuity at a young age and intellect, but not in Einstein’s case.

Einstein didn’t actually begin speaking uninhibitedly until age 7, which is much later than normal. This fact, in conjunction with some of his traits – his single-minded focus on physics, implementation of routines and music talent – has led to the hypothesis that Einstein perhaps had Asperger’s syndrome. Some have vehemently argued against this theory, instead of believing that Einstein was a non-autistic that displayed giftedness in other areas.

2. His brain was stolen

Einstein was a genius that refused to be idolized. That became evident in his instructions that he did not want his brain to be studied. Instead, he wished for his body to be cremated and his ashes scattered.

A Princeton professor by the name of Thomas Harvey didn’t get the message. On April 18, 1955, Harvey took possession of Einstein’s brain without permission. For this treacherous and disrespectful act, Princeton University fired Professor Harvey.

3. He was offered the presidency

Okay, not of the United States, but it’s still impressive. After the first President of Israel Chaim Weizmann died on November 9, 1952, Einstein was invited to accept the position. Of course, one can only imagine what Einstein’s initial reaction was, but he unsurprisingly declined.

In his refusal letter, Einstein’s humility was apparent, citing his lack of natural aptitude for the position and incompatible ways of dealing with people. Not to mention, he was getting old – he received the offer at 73.

4. His relationships were odd and tumultuous

Perhaps nothing reveals Einstein’s quirky shortcomings more than his relationships. His written letters demonstrate that he was quite the philanderer. He engaged in several extramarital affairs and even had a relationship with his cousin Elsa. Although he eventually married her, Einstein also considered matrimony with Elsa’s daughter.

Sadly, Einstein also became involuntarily estranged from his own sons, one of whom suffered from schizophrenia. In an act of atonement, Einstein gave all of his Nobel Prize money in a divorce settlement.

5. He loved to smoke

There’s a reason many of Einstein’s pictures show a wily-haired man with a pipe dangling from his mouth – he enjoyed smoking. Not only did he enjoy smoking, but he also attributed the habit to assisting him in his work, once saying: “I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs.”

His doctor rebutted his attitude towards smoking was (unsurprisingly). Indeed, the physician tried to get him to quit altogether. The doctor (again, unsurprisingly) was unsuccessful in his efforts.

6. He literally changed science in one year

Apparently, there are Einstein’s New Year’s resolutions and everyone else’s. In 1905, he published a series of four papers that consequently turned the scientific community on their respective ear. These papers contained groundbreaking new insights that rebutted then-accepted views on energy, mass, time and space.

Despite this, Einstein faced constant rejection from academic posts after graduation. This becomes less mystifying when considering Einstein’s hilariously impulsive act: he requested a letter of recommendation from a professor whose classes he routinely skipped.

7. He was held hostage only to mediate it

A group of radical students at the University of Berlin took a number of professors hostage. Einstein and Max Born, another renowned scientist, decided not to let the German police handle the situation.

While the details are rather unclear, we know that the two scientists were well-respected among the students. This respect may have given Einstein and Born enough leverage to ultimately secure the staff’s release.

8. He co-designed a refrigerator

Together with Hungarian physicist Leo Szilard, Einstein patented a design for a refrigerator in 1930. At that time, electrical refrigerators in use leaked volatile and unhealthy chemicals. Recognizing this, the two men designed an absorption refrigerator – one that required only ammonia, butane, and water – as an alternative.

The Swedish appliance company Electrolux eventually purchased Szilard and Einstein’s patents.

9. He loved to sail

Einstein did some of his best thinking when alone with his thoughts. He discovered his deep passion for sailing while a student at Polytechnic Institute in Zurich, Switzerland. This is rather unsurprising, as Einstein despised school. In fact, he once stated,  “It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of education have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry…”

In later years, Einstein wearied of his stuffy office and ventured out on the water despite not knowing how to swim.

10. He landed on Adolf Hitler’s “wanted list”

Adolf Hitler’s Nazi regime despised Einstein’s popularity in the United States. This embarrassment was amplified through the scientist’s momentous impact on the scientific community. Nazis were attempting to propagandize the inferiority of Jews, and Einstein’s work was a clear rebuttal of that concept.

In a fury, Hitler offered a $5,000 bounty on Einstein and ordering that all of his books in Germany burned. The ignorant, fanatical tyrant also ordered the burning of many other prominent Jewish works.

Here’s Why You Should Use Baking Soda Every Day

sOne of the most overlooked beneficial products in your household is the boring baking soda box, but we have several excellent reasons why you should make use of it every day. You don’t have to be a baker to use baking soda and although it’s great for household cleaning and odor removal, we are just going to cover the health benefits of baking soda.

Baking soda, or sodium bicarbonate, is a natural mineral often found in mineral spring water. Baking soda is also found naturally in the mineral natron, and was used by the Egyptians. The mineral natrol can be found in areas that once had sea beds and salt lakes.

Let’s look at the reasons why you should use baking soda every day.

Here’s Why You Should Use Baking Soda Every Day

The most common use of baking soda is, of course, in baking. Baking soda gives bread a light and fluffy texture because it produces bubbles that stay in the dough as it bakes. As most know, baking soda will react with the other ingredients in the recipe to produce bubbles and create a rising action.

Baking soda is alkaline, which means that it can be used to reduce the pH of something that is acidic. When taken internally, baking soda changes the body pH balance to make it less acidic and more alkaline. The natural pH of the body is alkaline, between a 7.35 and 7.45. Stomach acid is naturally more acidic and is around a 3.5 pH.

For example, when you have excess stomach acid from eating a rich meal, drinking baking soda dissolved in water can help reduce the pH of the hydrochloric acid and help relieve heartburn. However, the acid in the stomach is necessary to help break down food for digestion.

When looking for home remedies for health problems, remember to consult with your medical professional to see what holistic health options are available to you. Your doctor will know if baking soda as a remedy will interact with any of your other treatments or if it is a good option for you.

Every day uses for baking soda

Never take baking soda in its dry form, so you should dissolve it thoroughly in water before using it as a drink. You can use the following baking soda remedies every day.

Antacid

Gas relief

Mouthwash

Dry mouth rinse

Toothpaste

Tooth whitening

Body scrub

Foot soak

Acne treatment

Anti-itch cream

Fingernail whitening

Treat urinary tract infection

Cold and flu prevention and remedy

Muscle pain relief

The sodium bicarbonate in baking soda acts just like most over the counter antacid remedies. Just like brand name antacids, baking soda works to relieve heartburn and stomachache.

By adding a base to the acid of the stomach, pH is lowered which helps the digestive system when too much acid is in the stomach. You can read more about other healthy to treat heartburn in our article 10 Ways to Stop Heartburn.

Drinking a half-teaspoon of baking soda per day dissolved in water is good for antacid, gas relief, muscle pain, treating a urinary tract infection, and as a cold and flu remedy. You can drink this up to 6 times per day or until you have relief.

For mouthwash and rinsing, you can use more baking soda in the water because you will not swallow it. For the other every day baking soda remedies, make a paste with very little water and a good amount of baking soda and apply to the area that needs treatment.

Science proves that baking soda can kill staph bacteria

In a study of the use of baking soda to kill staph and other types of bacteria, baking soda showed that it had significant ability to kill bacteria. When baking soda was combined with a foaming product and applied to the bacteria, even for a short amount of time, the bacteria could not survive. Researchers found that baking soda caused statistically significant decreases in numbers of staph bacteria cells and they recommend the use of oral health care products with high concentrations of baking soda.

Other surprising uses for baking soda

Baking soda is used by some women who specifically want to conceive a male child. Using a baking soda and water douche changes the pH of the cervical mucus, and can create a more favorable environment for sperm that carry the male chromosome. Although some couples use this rinse for family planning, regular use of a baking soda wash is unnecessary. That’s because the body cleanses itself naturally.

Baking soda can be used as a treatment for hyperchloremic metabolic acidosis as in uncontrolled diabetes, renal, pancreatic, and gastrointestinal diseases. Gout sufferers have reportedly used baking soda to help decrease uric acid levels, which brings on gout attacks. This remedy to treat gout is believed to have been used by Queen Victoria at the recommendation of her doctor.

The ONE Diet That Doesn’t Focus on Losing Weight

“The elimination diet: Remove anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, and worry. Then watch your health, and life, improve.” – Charles F. Glassman

This quote fully encapsulates Dr. Charles Glassman’s total wellness philosophy – namely that seeking inner power and peace serves as a precursor to many other benefits of the mind and body.

As opposed to sticking with the traditional “diagnose, treat and repeat” cycle of traditional medicine, Dr. Glassman goes beyond this with special emphasis on self-awareness and personal action. Five years ago, Dr. Glassman founded the New York Center for Longevity and Wellness – a medical practice dedicated to treating patients with a comprehensive approach to mind/body wellness and conventional medicine.

Dr. Glassman frames the practice of self-awareness as a necessity when it comes to well-being. In essence, Glassman associates many of the problems that we currently face – mental, physical, and emotional – with the automatic responses generated by our very brains. In managing these automatic responses, it becomes possible to understand and control mind/body connections and, hence, our health.

Of all of Glassman’s philosophies on health, the greatest amount of emphasis may be placed on preventative care. As Glassman says, “My goal is to prevent illness and to practice healthcare rather than focus on “sick care.” Accomplishing this, Glassman believes, requires managing the everyday challenges of life; hence, balancing stress and maintaining strong optimism.

Simply put, we must properly use our minds to heal our bodies and eat a proper diet.

In his book Brain Drain – The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life, Dr. Glassman explains exactly how to do that. Using case studies of clients, Glassman teaches his readers how to handle situations trigged by automatic brain responses to achieve health.

It is beyond the scope of this article to analyze and summarize Dr. Glassman’s book for practical use. However, the tenets he uses in his treatment methods are quite straightforward and understandable.

Glassman summarizes the problem with the automatic brain (termed “AB”): “Our AB has one function – to protect us from danger, threat, or vulnerability. When it detects such, it releases an electrochemical response that we know as the fight or flight response. But this reaction is not simply getting you scared. This AB reaction leads up into behaviors and emotions that sometimes show up as fear, anger, rage, or even sadness, depression and withdraw.

In other words, our AB can use the innate “fight or flight” response to manifest harmful and counter-productive thoughts. These thoughts are the enemy and the reason for ill health of any kind. Further, these thoughts are why we fail to achieve any worthwhile endeavor. These thoughts are why life is “bad” at times.

Dr. Glassman suggests that it’s not only unnecessary to control thoughts, but it’s also nearly impossible. Unless one happens to be a Buddhist monk or meditative sage, there has to be another way…and there is.

Dr. Glassman lays out seven steps to help us gain more control over our thoughts–and our diet:

  1. Do not believe everything you think.
  2. Understand that unwanted thoughts always arise to protect you (the “fight or flight” mechanism).
  3. Try to identify the circumstance that caused the thought.
  4. Realize that the circumstance is unlikely to be dangerous at all.
  5. Don’t fight the thoughts. It is more normal to get negative thoughts than not.
  6. Recite in your mind, “There is no danger, there is no threat, I am safe,” whenever getting these thoughts.
  7. If you get a negative thought that is particularly hurtful, finish it off.

For instance, if you get a thought that says, “I’m a loser.” Finish it by saying in your mind, “Yes, I am a loser. I am a loser if I play a game I know nothing about. But since my life is not a game and I play by my own rules I am a winner.”

If this sounds familiar to mindfulness meditation, that’s because it is. It’s about being mindful that our thoughts are not always our own. In realizing that our automatic brain will sometimes act erratically due to the still-primitive nature of our “lizard brain,” we can anticipate and respond to the thoughts that attempt to defeat us.

Finally, Dr. Glassman has the following diet advice: “I suggest you don’t try to control your thoughts. Follow these steps, and it will help you accept them, but more importantly, help you so you do not always believe, trust, or take direction from them. Doing so will elevate your health, and peace of mind, and “live your everyday extraordinary!”

New Research Reveals You Only Have Four Emotions, Not Six

No matter how many emotions you can name off the top of your head, new research says that there are really only four. When we think of emotions like jealousy, frustration, anxiety and surprise, we are giving names to subtle difference that exist on top of the four basic emotions that we all share in common.

So why does it matter how many emotions we have? Emotions affect our thoughts and our thoughts reveal much about the inner workings of our minds, be they psychologically healthy or unhealthy for us.

If we can change our thoughts in response to our emotions, we can control the impact that our emotions have on us, and possibly help heal mental and physical illnesses that manifest within ourselves. Our emotions affect our thoughts about ourselves and our world, and emotions may also affect our memories.

People who choose to live positively need to know a lot about their emotional states. David Brooks of the New York Times writes about the thought research done by Nobel prize winning economist and psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his partner Amos Tversky that “Our biases frequently cause us to want the wrong things. Our perceptions and memories are slippery, especially about our own mental states. Our free will is bounded. We have much less control over ourselves than we thought.”

In 1901 Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology, wrote his book The Psychopathology of Everyday Life. Freud hypothesized that forgetting a memory is a result of an emotional conflict rather than a mistake. When you have a large amount of anger and are unable to express it, it is possible that you suppress or repress the memory that occurred.

Why New Research Says You Only Have Four Emotions

Previously, the scientific community had agreed on six basic human emotions: happy, surprised, afraid, disgusted, angry, and sad. Now, they believe that two of these emotions can be eliminated.

What are the four basic emotions?

Some emotion pairs have more in common than you might think, which is why the new research by a team at the Institute of Neuroscience and Psychology at the University of Glasgow says that we only have four emotions after all. For example, you can see how the emotion of surprise is close to the emotion of fear. When you are surprised, there is a startle response that is basically a fear reaction to something unexpected that happened.

Recent research has come to the conclusion that no matter how many words for emotions that you can think of, there are really only four. Feeling bored is just another word for feeling sadness. Frustration is just another word for anger. Anxiety is just another word for fear, and creative is just another word for happiness. Sadness, Fear, Anger and Happiness are the four emotion categories that researchers have identified.

The same is true for the emotion disgust, which means that you reject something that is unlike yourself. According to researchers, the emotion disgust is closer to anger and is similar to what happens when we dehumanize others. Psychcentral.com says ‘those engaging in dehumanization are usually part of a cohesive group acting against outsiders ‘that is, individuals who feel socially connected may have an increased tendency toward dehumanization.’

Researchers believe that the emotion of disgust, which is basically the same facial expression as anger, but with a wrinkled nose, may be an adaptation in “response to “stationary danger,” such as pathogens, by ‘wrinkling your nose, you may be less likely to breathe in something harmful.”

Although researchers may have identified disgust as a related emotion to anger, it is possible that it is related to fear as well. The wrinkled nose often happens in response to a stimulus that surprises us but that we dislike, like a sudden odor of fish.

Failing to recognize and cope with emotions can be the reason for a relationship failure. You may have already read our article about the warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, and if you are concerned about your emotions or a partner’s emotions, it is a great idea to seek out counseling.

Emotions in animals

Animals seem to experience emotion just like humans do, or at least we assign emotions to their behavior as we see it. This tendency to assign human traits to animals is called anthropomorphism. We see a puppy with its mouth open wide, teeth showing and tongue hanging out and a wagging tail and we say that the puppy is happy.

Some people believe that we assign human emotions to animals because we like them and we tend to like things that are similar to ourselves. However, research with mice revealed that the animals have a repetitive squeaking pattern that is similar to human laughter while they are playing with and tickling each other.

5 Signs You’ve Discovered Your Gift To The World

It’s always challenging to find our purpose in life. Since the beginning of time, our quest for existence has been guided by the existential question, “What is the meaning of life?” We all have amazing abilities and skills that are fueled by internal fire and passion. Those “gifts” are usually seen by others and rarely by ourselves, even when they move us to create from a place of strength and purpose. When we follow our gifts, life opens up and allows abundance, joy, and health. As Oprah says, “If you are here breathing, you have a contribution to make.”

Here are five signs you’ve discovered your unique gift to the world:

gift

1. You ache for something more and take risks into the unknown.

A passion comes from within that pushes you to want to help others. Seeing someone else happy through your creation or healing energizes you to continue doing what you are doing. You find fulfillment in the simple things that bring you joy. You are not asking the “why’s” and “how’s” because you are doing what you were created to do.

Each man had only one genuine vocation – to find the way to himself….His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and to live it out wholly and resolutely within himself. Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one’s own inwardness.” ~ Hermann Hesse

2. You find teachers and mentors who show you the path.

As the Buddhist proverb says, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” As you begin using and utilizing your gifts, people show up to support you and teach you in the areas you need to enhance. One mentor at a time.

3. Time slips away.

Following your life’s purpose while living a life of passion does something to the element of time. It disappears. You don’t count the days. You don’t obsess over the mundane events that time dictates. Time is a backdrop, but its needs of it do not fuel you. The days are longer, and you lose track of them.

4. You are guided by synchronicity and serendipitous moments.

Events show up. Opportunities appear out of nowhere. You begin to see signs all around you. Often times doing what you fear the most is exactly what fate is providing for you to travel down the path of your purpose.

I do believe in an everyday sort of magic — the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we’re alone.” ~ Charles de Lint

gift

5. You find clarity in what you do.

You realize that your purpose in life is not about “getting” but mostly about “giving.” In many cases, when someone starts living their authentic life, materialism is no longer important. And, because it loses focus, abundance happens in all areas of your life: health, wealth, and spirituality. You live for less while having more. You are moved by intuition rather than a logical perspective in life. The Austrian psychiatrist and author Viktor E. Frankl best expressed living a life of purpose:

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.” ~ from his book Man’s Search for Meaning.

Living your gifts in the world requires bravery of authenticity. It expects vulnerability and humility for guidance to rise to every opportunity. You let go of fear and step into the unknown. You are confident with your decisions. Indeed, you wholeheartedly believe that every step you take is held by something powerful that will continue guiding you every step of the way. And it’s in that power that passion ignites, and you live with a joyous heart opened to give and receive.

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