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This Relaxation Exercise Can Help You Fall Asleep In 60 Seconds

Are you feeling the daily stress that comes from a lack of sleep? If you cannot fall asleep at night, it turns out that you are not alone.

There is no doubt; we are a society of sleep-deprived citizens. In fact, according to a recent Gallup report, a whopping 41% of Americans aren’t getting the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep per night.

By now you’ve surely heard that proper sleep affects all aspects of our life including mood, decision-making, productivity and even our weight. Lack of sleep can also affect your physical well-being. Last year, a study was published showing that sleeping less than six hours per night for just one week resulted in changes in 700 genes in the human body.

And while the researchers don’t quite understand the full ramifications of these changes, they have been able to determine that there is an impact on our immune system, stress response and an increase in inflammation.

One contributing factor to our lack of sleep is actually finding effective ways on how to fall asleep. Our over-scheduled, over-worked and over-burdened lives have us hitting the sheets with a lot on our minds. All of the chatter running through our heads has us lying awake in bed wondering why sleep eludes us.

It’s can be difficult to clear the clutter from our minds allowing sleep to come, but according to Dr. Andrew Weil, it can be as easy as breathing. Dr. Weil says that a relaxing breathing exercise can help calm the mind in preparation for sleep. He recommends the 4-7-8 breathing technique as a natural tranquilizer for your body.

How The 4-7-8 Breathing Technique Teaches You How To Fall Asleep

  1. Make sure your posture is such that you are not restricting your ability for deep breathing.
  2. Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth. Try to keep it there through the entire breathing sequence, even during the exhale.
  3. Begin by exhaling completely.
  4. Inhale through your nose to a count of four.
  5. Hold your breath for a count of seven.
  6. Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight.
  7. Finally, complete the sequence three more times.

This breathing technique may cause you to feel light-headed at first but becomes a powerful sleep and relaxation aid with practice. It is not only useful at bedtime but is appropriate to use during times of stress and anxiety throughout the day.

So why is this breathing technique a natural tranquilizer? The slowing of your breath, filling your body with oxygen, and forcing you to focus on your breath at the moment allows your body to relax enough to welcome sleep. Doing so reduces the stress and anxiety we often feel when we can’t fall asleep.

When we start to worry about what the lack of sleep will do to our day, our breathing goes into panic mode and becomes more shallow. This in turn elevates the heart rate that will move us further away from the sleep we crave. So, breathe it out to get back on track.

Related article: 10 Rituals to Guarantee a Good Night’s Sleep

While many claim that this breathing technique will help you fall asleep quickly, there are other things you can do to help you prepare for and honor your sleep. It is all about setting the expectation by giving your body notice that sleep is coming so it can physically prepare for it.

More Tips on How to Fall Asleep Faster

  • Create a sleep only environment. When you keep work, television, and other digital devices out of the bedroom, you are sending a signal to your body that your day is done.
  • Turn down the thermostat. In several sleep studies, it has been shown that people sleep better when their bedroom is on the cooler side.
  • Write it down. Spend a few minutes before slipping under the covers to write down anything that is lingering in your mind. Writing it down sends the message to the brain that it is okay to let those thoughts go because they are taken care of.
  • Quiet your space. Eliminate annoying noises from your room. And if you can’t get rid of your snoring partner, try noise-reducing earplugs.
  • Create a routine. Do you remember hating having a bedtime routine as a kid? Well, it seems as if our parents knew what they were doing. Going to bed at the same time every night and waking up naturally before your alarm every morning is the best way to honor your sleep. Your body responds well to routine, so give it one.

At the end of the day, there is nothing our body needs more than sleep to reenergize us so we can live our best life every day. We owe it to ourselves to get proper rest and, unfortunately, that doesn’t often happen on its own.

Do yourself a favor and create an environment where sleep is inviting and then use your breath to bring yourself back into the moment and calm your mind. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So get to it, a good night’s sleep awaits – sweet dreams!

9 Things Sigmund Freud Taught Us About Our Thoughts

We’ve all heard of Freud’s name. Some of us may have heard about his unorthodox theories on psychology. Indeed, to say that Sigmund Freud is a polarizing figure in his chosen profession is an understatement – psychologists and psychiatrists are either a disciple of Freud’s theories on the mind or an adamant antagonist. In fact, two legendary psychologists who were students of Freud – Carl Jung and Alfred Adler – recognized this disassociation and eventually discovered their own theories.

Sigmund Freud is the first name that comes to the mind of many when they think of psychology. Adore him or abhor him as they may, Freud left a distinctly powerful legacy in the field of psychology, especially in the realm of psychoanalysis – the psychotherapeutic theory in which he founded and practiced.

The basic tenants of psychoanalysis provide the foundation Freud used to iterate on a variety of topics, including: bisexuality/homosexuality, hypnosis, religion, seduction, fear and a host of others. Psychoanalytic theory can be summarized using five basic tenants:

  1. Personal development comes from  oft-forgotten events that took place in early childhood, rather than inherent traits (genetics).
  2. The unconscious mind – automatic, non-introspective thoughts – is the root of a person’s attitudes, experiences, mannerisms and thoughts.
  3. A person’s motivations and drives can only be uncovered through bypassing psychological resistance in the form of defense mechanisms.
  4. Mental and emotional ailments – anxiety, depression, neurosis, etc. – are conflicts between the conscious and the unconscious mind and repression of thoughts.
  5. The contents of the unconscious mind are freed via transfer to the conscious by direct, therapeutic guidance.

Using these tenants as a guideline, it equips us to better understand Freud’s thoughts on these 9 fascinating lessons of the mind!

Here are 10 things Sigmund Freud taught us about our thoughts:

sigmund freud

What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books. – Sigmund Freud

1. Sigmund Freud Formed The “Plaiting and Weaving” Theory

There’s no getting around this: Freud was known for his misogynistic concepts. His patronizing theories on women are among his most disagreeable works.

According to Freud, women were naturally inferior simply because they were born female. Due to their “genital deficiency” (not having a penis), lack of aggression and strongly passive nature, Freud was adamant in his theory that women would contribute little to the advancement of civilization. Oh, but they could still occupy themselves by plaiting and weaving.

Needless to say, this theory is effectively nullified given women’s exceptional accomplishments and contributions today.

2. Primal Horde Theory and God

Freud’s theories on God are quite interesting. According to the Jewish “father of psychoanalysis,” the Judeo-Christian views on God stem from the primitive psychological states of man.

“Primal horde” is Freudian terminology, and it refers to the repressed mental state that man lived in during the Stone Age. More specifically, that our distant ancestors lived in a group (“horde”) that was overseen by an Alpha Male, who used tyranny and aggression to maintain control – including keeping the company of women to himself. This led to sexual and aggressive urges that manifested into a state of obedience and dependence.

This pitiable state led to man seeking solace in an omnipotent and benevolent power. Humankind eventually called this power, “God.”

3. Seduction Theory

To account for the state of neurosis and hysteria in his female patients, Freud developed another unpopular theory: the origins of neurosis and hysteria have a direct link with repressed memories of early childhood sexual abuse.

In itself, the theory does not seem outrageous, but it’s Freud’s interpretation (as usual) that sparked condemnation. In Freud’s view, these memories of sexual abuse are manifestations of imaginary fantasies.

4. Sigmund Freud BelieveinInnate Bi-sexuality

Freud held the belief that inherent traits could be defined as masculine or feminine. He associated dominance and conviction with masculinity; he labeled submission and passivity as feminine traits.

Though these beliefs on intrinsic traits aren’t too polarizing, Freud’s extrapolation on these traits is. Freud faced vehement opposition. In fact, many of his colleagues ostracized him.

What got them all upset? Well, Freud concluded that since we all inherit feminine and masculine traits, we’re all inherently bi-sexual. That triggered many academics of the era.

5. Interpretation of a “Death Wish”

Having established his “pleasure principle” theory – a human being’s desire for life, health and success – Freud faced a conundrum when counseling traumatized soldiers from World War I. Despite having been involved in terrorizing and deadly battles, many troubled soldiers insisted on getting back into the fight. Of course, this participation brought about the strong possibility of death.

To accommodate this direct opposition to his “pleasure principle theory,” Freud developed the theory of a “death drive.” This theory states that we all unconsciously have a death wish that directly opposes our desire for pleasure.

6. Hypnosis and Love

Earlier in his career, Freud designated considerable amounts of time studying the effects of hypnotism. After a certain period, Freud made the conclusion that individuals range in their susceptibility to the practice of hypnosis.

He discovered a supposed link between the reciprocation of love and a patient’s ability to undergo hypnosis. Patients that loved another to the extent of idolization were more willing to surrender their will, which hypnotism accomplishes to a certain extent. As such, these patients were more easily prone to hypnotism.

7. Cathartic Relief

Catharsis is the tempering of emotions achieved through venting. With the advice of his colleague, Freud began to effectively use catharsis in his practice. Freud came to the conclusion that catharsis is effective only in the immediate short-term, but did not achieve his primary objective: relieving the unconscious mind of suppressed desires.

At least we know that screaming loudly in the car after a stressful day will help for a bit.

8. Acting Our Opposite

Freud postulated that emotions and impulses producing anxiety are overcome by hypertrophy (exaggeration) of its opposite. In other words, if we have feelings of hate towards another person, it often results in anxious feelings. These anxious feelings place pressure on the Ego, which serves to dissipate conflict. As a result, the Ego will facilitate feelings of love and acceptance in order to avoid the anxiety that hating the other person causes. Scientists call this theory, “Reaction Formation.”

Other examples of Reaction Formation:

– An alcoholic expressing the virtues of sobriety

– A workaholic parent that attempts to “buy love” by spoiling their kids

– A person with racist views against a certain group, but personally befriends a person of that group

9. Relief Through Laughter

To many of us, laughter provides a much-needed relief. Freud explains laughter’s effect on our psyche by tying it to suppressed desires, such as sexual aggression. In effect, when one is laughing they’re releasing pent-up, unconscious urges.

Well, at least we can all agree with Freud that laughter is a relief…not altogether certain about the “suppressed desires” aspect, though. Not surprisingly, his peers didn’t think much of this theory either.

15 Natural Remedies That Can Replace Painkillers

When you are in pain, you reach for anything that will help it to go away. But what if your usual over-the-counter painkillers are less safe than a natural remedy that you could easily store in your kitchen?

Aspirin, acetaminophin, ibuprofin and naproxen sodium all go by other brand names on the drug store shelves. All of these have information on their warning labels about possible serious side effects and interactions with other medications.

Risks associated with these painkillers are higher for the very young or old. Other risks of over-the-counter medications exist for those who have pre-existing medical conditions like diabetes, asthma or immune system problems.

Studies of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs show significant problems with major upper gastrointestinal bleeding as the most important adverse effect of aspirin and other over-the-counter painkillers. The concern over stomach bleeding is especially true of these painkillers in higher doses.

Other studies show that for people with a risk of cardiovascular disease, ibuprofen may add an increased risk of thrombotic and congestive heart failure events. Ibuprofen had a risk that was similar to that of prescription painkillers, especially when combined with aspirin.

Consult with your medical provider if you have concerns about interactions with natural painkillers. It is also wise to discuss your plan to seek natural pain remedies and ask if there are any concerns associated with your preferred natural solution.

15 Natural Remedies That Can Replace Painkillers

Apple Cider Vinegar

ACV, as it’s known in herbal remedy shorthand, can help to relieve arthritis and minor muscle pain. It is also believed that ACV helps improve joint mobility in older adults. Try 2 teaspoons of ACV in a glass of water daily to help with these pains.

Lavender essential oil

Some hospitals have found that using lavender essential oil for aromatherapy has helped to keep patients feeling calm before and after surgical procedures. In addition to that, the scent of lavender has been shown to reduce the amount of painkillers needed for women experiencing the intense labor pains childbirth.

Cloves

Clove essential oil can help oral health and can also relieve the pain of a toothache. If you don’t have any clove oil handy, you can also use raw whole cloves to chew on. Cloves contain eugenol which is a natural anesthetic.

Turmeric

Turmeric has excellent potential to be a painkiller that is as effective as aspirin and other over the counter medications. This natural painkiller can be used to relieve arthritic pain. You can read more about turmeric and other plant remedies that are better than pills here.

Cranberry juice

Most women who have experienced a bladder infection know that it comes with some intense pain and discomfort. Flushing your system with cranberry juice can help clear up a minor bladder infection.

Peppermint

As a painkiller, peppermint tea can help with a sore throat. Peppermint is also good for the discomfort of an upset stomach, headache and minor muscle pain. It is believed that the menthol in peppermint prevents nerves from responding to painful stimuli.

Raw honey

Honey helps coat a sore throat in your hot tea. Raw honey also has excellent anti-inflammation properties. The antioxidants in honey help the body’s natural healing process. Honey can be applied to minor cuts and burns externally.

Tart cherry

The painkillers in tart cherry and raspberries come from the flavonoids and anthrocyanins found in these fruits. It is believed that the natural anti-inflammatory properties of tart cherry juice can help reverse oxidative damage that can happen with strenuous exercise, like that from long distance running.

Arnica

Arnica gel is a topical painkiller that can help with osteoarthritis. In one study, arnica was given both as oral tablets and an ointment for patients who were recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. The patients who were given arnica had significantly less pain after 2 weeks. Arnica is also used for reducing bruising and swelling after minor injuries.

Ginger

In a study of patients with osteoarthritis of the knee, those who were given ginger extract had a 63% reduction in knee pain. Ginger is also traditionally used to help cure the discomfort of an upset stomach. Ginger can also help relieve menstrual pain.

Omega 3

Omega-3 fatty acids can be as effective as ibuprofen in reducing arthritis pain, but with the added benefit of having less side effects and more health benefits.

Olive oil

As a painkiller, olive oil is a natural anti-inflammatory ingredient.

Ginseng

Ginseng has both painkilling and anti-inflammatory properties that are as effective as ibuprofen. This root also has potential as a solution for those who suffer from rheumatoid arthritis.

Chinese skullcap

As a painkiller, Chinese skullcap has been used to treat infections, inflammation and headaches. It may also have antifungal and antiviral effects in addition to reducing pain.

Astaxanthin

This carotenoid extract of algae has anti-inflammatory properties that help reduces arthritis pain. It is also a powerful antioxidant.

This Armpit Detox Helps Prevent Breast Cancer

Breast cancer can develop close to the armpit area, which raises concerns about commercial skin products for this delicate body part. However, educating yourself about the ingredients in these products can help you avoid them on your next shopping trip. Luckily, we have many natural deodorants, sunscreens, and other products nowadays.

Although safety regulations exist for skincare and hygiene products, some creams, lotions, and deodorants fall through the cracks. For example, an independent testing lab detected the carcinogen benzene in almost 80 sunscreens in 2021. The lab contacted the FDA after making the finding, suggesting they immediately recall the products. Long-term exposure to benzene can lead to blood cancers such as leukemia.

However, benzene isn’t the only chemical known to cause cancers. Research shows that deodorants made with aluminum can cause levels of the female hormone estrogen to increase, potentially leading to cancer. Also, parabens – an artificial preservative used in cosmetic and body care products – can increase the risk of breast cancer. Studies show these chemicals mimic estrogen activity in the body and could promote cancer cell growth.

So, applying products containing estrogen-enhancing chemicals to sensitive areas such as armpits provides a direct pathway to estrogen receptors. In some cases, it can lead to cancer when these harmful chemicals make their way under the skin. Cancer can occur in almost every organ and tissue in the human body. Genetic mutations or cellular damage cause cells to multiply abnormally in tissues, forming tumors.

Breast Cancer Statistics

breast cancer cell

According to the American Cancer Society, approximately 1 in 8 women and 1 in 833 men will get breast cancer within their lifetimes. Breast cancer is the second most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women after skin cancer.

Having a family history of breast cancer significantly increases the risk of being diagnosed with the disease. In fact, a women’s risk nearly doubles if a first-degree relative (mother, sister, or daughter) gets diagnosed with breast cancer.

However, about 85% of women with a diagnosis have no close relatives with breast cancer. These cases occur due to other factors such as genetic mutations, aging, or environmental conditions rather than heritability.

Researchers have extensively studied ways to prevent breast cancer by identifying modifiable risk factors. Armed with this knowledge, we can reduce our breast cancer risk by removing the environmental factors linked to the disease.

Synthetic Hormones Associated With Breast Cancer

Our natural hormones do wonders for our bodies. Unfortunately, synthetic hormone-like chemicals come in many body care and hygiene products. These compounds can lead to poor health and could lead to an increased risk of breast and other cancers.

Numerous synthetic chemicals (called xenoestrogens) act like estrogen in our bodies. Xenoestrogens do not biodegrade and get stored in our fat cells. Estrogenic chemicals often found in cosmetic products include the following:

  • 4-Methylbenzylidene camphor (4-MBC) (found in sunscreen)
  • Erythrosine / FD&C Red No. 3 (red color)
  • Phenosulfothiazine (red color)
  • Parabens
  • Phthalate
  • Aluminum

Parabens are preservatives found in makeup, moisturizers, hair care products, and shaving creams. Companies may disguise this cancer-causing chemical in other variations on cosmetic labels, including methylparaben, propylparaben, ethylparaben, and butylparaben.

A Study Made a Breakthrough Discovery

One study discovered that parabens occurred in the breast tissue of 99% of women who had cancer. While manufacturers no longer use parabens in deodorants, researchers still found them in the breast tissue of women who did not use deodorant. Clearly, this warrants further research to confirm the link between parabens and breast cancer. The safest bet is to avoid using underarm products or other cosmetics that contain parabens.

The chemical additive phthalates may be present in cosmetic products such as nail polish and spray products to maintain color and reduce brittleness. However, studies show that the chemical disrupts the balance of other hormones that interact with estrogen, including testosterone. In some cases, this could increase the risk of developing breast cancer.

Aluminum, also appearing on labels as aluminum ammonium sulfate, aluminum chlorohydrate, and aluminum zirconium may also increase estrogen unnaturally. Absorption of aluminum salts from deodorant inconclusively links to cancer.

One study of 437 women showed that the frequency of deodorant use might contribute to breast cancer. However, a second study showed little correlation between deodorant and cancer. Again, you might decide that it pays to play it safe with deodorant by avoiding these additives altogether.

Natural Armpit Detox to Help Prevent Breast Cancer

  • Use an organic soap to clean your armpit area and remove unwanted chemicals. Discard any suspect products.
  • Exercise or use a sauna to activate your sweat glands. Sweating does an excellent job at removing toxins from our bodies. Clean your skin again to remove any surface toxins.
  • Drink water. After sweating, you need to hydrate your body. The extra water will also help your kidneys to keep flushing and detoxifying your body.
  • Eat your greens. Multiple studies have shown that Broccoli, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, and other cruciferous veggies have high levels of indole-3-carbinol (I3C). This compound can help your body clear out excess estrogens.
  • Avoid chemical additives. Read labels or use the Environmental Working Group’s (EWG) Skin Deep app, which allows you to scan barcodes of various products. The app assigns a rating from 0 to 10 (low to serious concern) for the risk factor associated with the product. They rate products based on their cancer-causing ingredients, allergy-producing ingredients, and risk factors for reproductive harm.
  • Make homemade deodorant. Search for natural alternative recipes for the products that you’ve eliminated. Try a blend of coconut oil, bentonite clay, and your favorite essential oils to create a homemade lotion-like deodorant. Or, make a spray solution with natural salt, witch hazel, and a high-quality essential oil for natural fragrance.

In addition to these natural remedies, the CDC recommends the following to reduce breast cancer risk:

  • Maintain a healthy weight.
  • Reduce or avoid alcoholic beverages.
  • If you currently take or are considering hormone replacement therapy or birth control, ask your doctor about the risks.
  • When possible, breastfeed your children.
  • If you have a family history of breast cancer, talk to your doctor about other ways to lower your risk.

breast cancer cell

Final Thoughts on Preventing Breast Cancer

While millions of women get diagnosed with breast cancer each year, recently, prevention methods and treatments have improved. Early detection through screening may have contributed to the decline in deaths from breast cancer since 2013. In addition, maintaining healthy body weight and remaining physically active can reduce cancer risk. Avoiding synthetic chemicals in products such as deodorants can potentially prevent breast cancer.

12 Laws of Karma that Will Change Your Life

Karma is a somewhat abstract concept for many of us. There is a lot of confusing information on this non-religious topic – information that is unnecessary. So, we think it’d be helpful to paint a bit of a picture to help solidify the concept of karma. To do so, just a quick example is necessary.

Say that we are all willing to go around and help people in any way we see fit – putting coins in expired parking meters, holding doors open for everyone, giving a couple of dollars to a homeless person, buying someone’s coffee or tea, etc., etc.

Karma is the law of cause and effect – an unbreakable law of the cosmos. Your actions create your future. The reason your fate is never sealed is because you have free will. Therefore your future cannot already be written. That would not be fair. Life gives you chances. This is one of them. – The Tree of Awakening

Now two questions: What is the possibility that the person we’ve helped will reciprocate or “pay it forward”? What’s the possibility that this action created a positive source of energy?

That’s a fundamental example of everyday karma. Of course, there is negative karma as well. Gandhi explains such in a simple yet profound way:

“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”

Now that we’ve established a basic understanding of karma, let’s look at 12 Karmic Laws that can change your life.

karma

1. The Great Law: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

The simple explanation of the Great Law is that our thoughts and actions have good or bad consequences. If we desire peace, love, harmony, prosperity, etc. we must be willing to act accordingly.

This is also known as the “Law of Cause and Effect.” Also, energy (thought, action) that we put into the world has a consequence, immediate or not.

2. The Law of Creation: “What we desire comes through participation.”

A person’s intentions created the life we see around us. As we are one with the Universe, our intentions determine the evolution of creation. Since what we surround ourselves with becomes part of us, it’s our responsibility to ensure these surroundings are conducive to our desires.

3. The Law of Humility: “Refusal to accept what is will still be what is.”

Acceptance is a near-universal virtue in many belief systems. Simply put, we must first accept the present circumstances in order to change them.

In focusing on the negative instead of making changes to address the negative, we’re committing to a zero-sum result.

4. The Law of Growth: “Our own growth is above any circumstance.”

The only thing we have control over is ourselves. The subsequent action (or inaction) of motive will yield either positive or negative circumstances in our lives.

True change only occurs if we make the commitment to change what is in our hearts.

5. The Law of Responsibility: “Our lives are of our own doing, nothing else.”

When one’s own life is turbulent, there is often turbulence internally. If we’re to change our life, we must change our frame of mind and surroundings.

6. Karma’s Law of Connection: “Everything in the Universe is connected, both large and small.”

Our past, present, and future are all connected. As such, we must work to change these connections if we desire something different.

No first, intermediate, or last step is more critical in accomplishing a task. All are required.

7. The Law of Focus: “One cannot direct attention beyond a single task.”

Relating to our spiritual growth, we cannot have negative thoughts or actions and expect to grow spiritually. We must direct full attention to achieve any desired task.

8. The Law of Hospitality and Giving: “Demonstrating our selflessness shows true intentions.”

Put: what we claim to believe must manifest into our actions. Selflessness is a virtue only if we’re accommodating something other than ourselves.

Without a selfless nature, true spiritual growth is nearly impossible.

9. Karma’s Law of Change: “History repeats itself unless changed.”

Conscious commitment to change is the only method of influencing the past. History will continue along an unconstructive path until positive energies direct it elsewhere.

10. The Law of Here and Now: “The present is all we have.”

Looking back regretfully and forward pointlessly robs oneself of a present opportunity. Old thoughts and patterns of behavior negate the present chance to advance ourselves.

11. The Law of Patience and Reward: “Nothing of value is created without a patient mindset.”

Toiling away cannot be circumvented through wishful thinking. Our rewards are claimed only through patience and persistence, nothing else.

Rewards are not the result. True, lasting joy comes from the knowledge of doing what’s necessary in the rightful anticipation of a reward that is well-earned.

12. The Law of Significance and Inspiration: “The best reward is one that contributes to the Whole.”

The end result is of little value if it leaves little or nothing behind.

Energy and intentions are vital components that determine the significance of an end-result. Ideally, love and passion embody the motives of one that resolves to leave a lasting impression on the Whole.

karma meme

Final Thoughts on Following the Laws of Karma

The Laws of Karma sound complicated. But the principle is achievable. And, it’s all advice you have heard before. Treat others with kindness, as you’d like in return. Follow your moral compass without fail. And live your truth.

9 Signs It’s Time For You to Let Go of a Relationship

Letting go of a relationship that we did (or still do) care about is a very difficult thing for us all. Whether it’s a significant other, friend, or family member, we naturally do not want to bring any hurt upon them or ourselves.

There are times, however, where letting go of someone may be the best thing to do – even when it doesn’t feel good in the present. After all, this is your life…and only you can make the ultimate decision whether or not that person fits into it.

Here are 9 signs it’s time to let go and move on

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” – Havelock Harris

traits in a long-term relationship

1. The person unremittingly breaks your trust.

There is a reason that trust is number one – because trust is the most important in each and every kind of relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and it is mistrust which often destroys it. Nothing weakens a relationship more than being deceitful.

Something to understand – when you trust someone and they continuously break your trust, it’s not your fault it’s theirs. It’s very natural to immediately blame yourself for having trusted someone only to have them break that trust, but don’t.

It’s only through experience where we determine whether or not someone is trustworthy; either way, you’ll learn a valuable lesson or add a great relationship.

2. The person is incessantly needy.

A good relationship is one in which you can depend on someone or vice-versa. However, too much dependence is a sign of neediness. This is a problem because neediness drains you of your time and energy, including the time and energy necessary to maintain other relationships and take care of yourself.

People that are incessantly needy always seem to be coming to you – for pampering, favors, money, praise, or something else. You may begin to feel that the person is an emotional ball and chain. If a relationship begins to feel this way, it may be time to reconsider why you have a relationship like this in the first place.

3. You change who you are around that person.

You should never feel the need to be another person just to accommodate someone. It’s exhausting first of all, and it is a telltale sign that the relationship is not consensual. There is some element of that individual that does not jive with the person you are.

Whether or not the person verbalizes their dissatisfaction with you or you innately know that you must change in order for them to accept you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do not feel comfortable being yourself, which shouldn’t be acceptable to you under any circumstance.

4. You don’t feel positive after talking to or seeing them.

A positive relationship should mostly be uplifting. Sure, there are going to be some rough patches along the way, but it’s mostly a constructive experience. You should be accepting of each other, supportive and responsive.

If you hit a point where the positive aspects of the relationship are sporadic, it may be time to move on. You may actually come to a point where you actually attempt to avoid the person, while hoping to maintain the relationship. This may sound crazy, but people do it all the time. “Maybe it’ll get better” they think to themselves. Perhaps, but then it’s not a normal, functioning, or healthy relationship.

lose relationships

5. They don’t actively listen to you.

Attentiveness and awareness when you are speaking is the sign of a good relationship. A person that values your relationship will make your presence a priority, including when you’re trying to have a conversation.

Sure, some people don’t have the best attention spans; but that’s no excuse for constantly checking their phone, looking away, talking to other people, and generally displaying apathy when you speak. It’s certainly not acceptable for them to constantly redirect the conversation back onto themselves, completely disregarding your thoughts and feelings.

6. They don’t make the relationship a priority.

Busyness is a part of life – work, kids, marriage, finances, etc.…the majority of our time is meticulously accounted for. However, people that value their relationships will not allow the fact that they are busy to undermine your relationship.

Understandably, the get-togethers and all-nighters are drastically limited. However, with the advent of technology comes the ability to stay connected to each other, even if you cannot hang out at a bar until 2 a.m. anymore.

If someone is not willing to make some time for you, be it a quick phone call or text, then they are effectively showing indifference – not a good trait to have in a positive relationship.

7. You are not able to depend on them.

Have you ever been there when a friend needed it most, only to have them disappear when you asked them to reciprocate? If you have, it’s not a pleasant feeling…in fact, it’s downright disheartening.

People that are undependable often find an assortment of excuses – a missed call or text, that they’re “too busy”, or something else. However, consistent behavior of this kind usually means one thing: they are not dependable. Someone that is not dependable is generally not a person worthy of your presence.

 8. You find yourself forcing someone to care.

Another fact about relationships: it’s based on freedom; the freedom to love and care for someone…or not. Not everyone whom you hold these feelings for will offer them in return.

Genuine relationships are made up of two individuals that have chosen to love and care for each other. It’s easy for someone to show up in your life and tell you that they love you; it’s much more difficult for them to demonstrate that love consistently.

Those that choose to remain in your life and steadily demonstrate their love and care with wholehearted acceptance are the type of individuals that you want for your relationships.

love relationship

9. The person is not consistent in their behavior.

We are not talking about dependability here. We’re talking about wishy-washy, flaky, and general inconsistency in applying the principles that make up a good relationship: trust, dependability, acceptance, positivity, attentiveness, and prioritization.

Inconsistent behavior in any of these areas is a potential sign of a negative relationship. As mentioned, only you can decide if the behavior merits termination of the relationship. People are flawed. Flaws are natural; flaws are part of acceptance, in fact. However, it’s the degree to which a person accepts these flaws and continues to allow them to influence your relationship that truly matters.

We encourage you to evaluate the overall health of the relationships that you hold and make the best decision for you. We wish you many healthy, wonderful relationships in the future.

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