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Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Make People Happy

January 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Much of the advice given, primarily online, regarding increasing happiness warrants a critical eye. The reason for this, unfortunately, is the proliferation of subjective and unfounded information. In some cases, the material is just flat-out fabricated with the hopes of drawing some visitors to some website.

This is where Neuroscience steps in and says, “Enough already!” The scientific method and other rigorous means of examining information is one of the primary reasons we now have cutting-edge medicine and technology that has advanced our quality of life. After all, we didn’t double our life expectancy and eradicate a host of diseases with pseudo-science and wishful thinking.

Now, neuroscience – the scientific study of the structure and function of the nervous system and brain – has brought forth findings proving that increasing our happiness is within our cognitive control.

Truthfully, this should not come as a surprise. Numerous scientific studies have already proven the effectiveness of such practices as meditation and mindfulness – two practices that were once thought to be ineffective at best and useless at worst. My, how times have changed.

There are not many things more exciting than discovering the immense power and energy within our bodies. The human brain is the most complex structure is the known universe – one that harnesses immense potential – that we can use to create our happiness.

Neil deGrasse Tyson had the following to say about how neuroscience works:

“Everything we do, every thought we’ve ever had, is produced by the human brain. But exactly how it operates remains one of the biggest unsolved mysteries, and it seems the more we probe its secrets, the more surprises we find.”

Let’s get right to it. Here are the four rituals neuroscience says will help us be happy:

Ritual #1: Practice gratitude

As we already know, the brain is incredibly multifaceted, hence the extensive research based on neuroscience. At times, we seemingly transition from one mood to another without at all understanding why. Something quite interesting to note is that thoughts of pride, shame and guilt all activate similar circuits in the brain. More interesting – and counterintuitive – is that these undesirable thoughts activate our brain’s reward center. Reward center? What kind of “rewards” could there possibly be for these thoughts? Being prideful is somewhat (not really) understandable, but guilt and shame?

Anxiety’s function in the brain is also enigmatic. As it turns out, anxiety actually calms the limbic system and strangely dials down activity in the amygdala – the part of the brain that controls emotions. Apparently, worrying serves as a coping mechanism for our anxiety and is healthier than remaining idle in our anxious thoughts.

This is where gratitude comes in and saves the day. It turns out that practicing gratitude has a profound effect on our brain by increasing the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin – the brain chemicals responsible for feelings of pleasure and happiness.

So, in practicing gratitude – by using a journal, expressing it to a friend, etc. – we are effectively using neuroscience to activate the happiness circuits of our brain!

Ritual #2: Create intentions and set goals

Quick question: what does it feel like to procrastinate? Really, think of an answer before continuing. What were the thoughts that came up just now?

Second question (last one!): What does it feel like to take action? Again, please think of an answer before continuing.

This is where creating intentions and setting goals – making decisions – positively affects the brain. Dr. Alex Korb, a renowned neuroscience expert, explains:

“Making decisions includes creating intentions and setting goals – all three are part of the same neuro circuitry and engage the prefrontal cortex in a positive way, reducing worry and anxiety.”

Some more positive news: the decisions that we make don’t need to be perfect. For the sake of our brain health, it’s better to come to a thoughtful decision that doesn’t require rigorous analysis. In short, making good decisions is better than striving for the perfect one.

When we make decisions, we feel in control of our thoughts. This increases feelings of pleasure within our brain.

Ritual #3: Embrace people

It’s no secret that human beings are social creatures; some more than others, but we’re all social creatures to some extent. We gain pleasure from receiving love and acceptance from our fellow human and eventually experience melancholy when we don’t.

While the above statement may be somewhat commonsensical, the effect that social isolation and exclusion has on our brains is quite astonishing. Neuroscience has discovered that the human brain interprets social isolation and exclusion in the same way as actual physical pain.

Let’s cue up Dr. Korb:

“As demonstrated in an fMRI experiment, social exclusion activates the same circuitry as physical pain…it activated the anterior cingulate and insula, just like physical pain would.”

According to Dr. Korb, the best remedy for this pain is simple: human contact. Social gatherings and conversing with each other is healthy, but the most powerful results are achieved through human touch.

“One of the primary ways to release oxytocin (a pleasure hormone and neurotransmitter) is through touching. Obviously, it’s not always appropriate to touch most people, but small touches like handshakes and pats on the back are usually okay. For the people you’re close with, make an effort to touch more often.”

Ritual #4: Label negative thoughts

Nobody appreciates being “labeled,” but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t label our thoughts – specifically, the negative ones.

Here’s a quick lesson on labeling: for some reason, you’re having a bad day that’s leaving you feeling awful. By default, the brain will almost always produce a thought such as “I feel awful.” Instead, try to identify this feeling. “I feel awful” is a blanket statement that can mean many things. Do you feel anxious? Worried? Depressed? Okay, then just label it as such. “I feel worried/depressed/anxious/etc.”

For those of us who don’t engage in this practice, it can feel kind of awkward at first, which is why it’s important to understand the rationale behind labeling. Dr. David Rock, neuroscience expert and author of ‘Your Brain at Work’, provides an explanation:

“To reduce arousal, you need to use just a few words to describe an emotion…this requires you to activate your prefrontal cortex, which reduces arousal in the limbic system. Here’s the bottom line: describe an emotion in just a word or two, and it helps reduce the emotion.”

The takeaway: How we think determines our happiness. Our thoughts and actions are all interrelated. Dr. Korb provides an awesome (awesome!) explanation and summation of this scientific truth:

“Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety, which improves focus and planning. Focus and planning help with decision making; decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment. Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for, which keeps that loop of the upward spiral going. Enjoyment also makes it more likely you’ll exercise and be social, which, in turn, will make you happier.”

Here’s What Your Food Cravings Reveal About Your Health

January 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Do you give in to your cravings or do you fight them? When you have a craving, it’s thought that your body must actually need that food for your health and the craving is your body’s way of talking to you.

But let’s face reality, your body does not physically need french fries!

That craving for something warm, salty, starchy and oily is your body’s healthy response to needing nutrients, minerals and essential Vitamins, not your need for junk food.

It’s not surprising that we have cravings. We have evolved to seek out food that is high in calories so that we have energy to sustain us over periods when food is scarce. For today’s health-conscious culture, these treats are too easily available and now we avoid them and select healthy choices instead.

In a survey of 1000 college undergraduates about their food cravings, 97% of women and 68% of men reported cravings. Chocolate was the most frequently reported food craved, especially among women. The majority of subjects reported that they indulged their food cravings at least half the time.

In the same study, women tended to feel badly about indulging their cravings more often than men did. Only 32% of women thought that their cravings had anything to do with their periods. Also interesting from this study was the fact that avoiding the craved food had no affect on the intensity of the cravings.

In other craving research, overweight teenagers were offered a milkshake while their brain activity was measured with an MRI. The overweight teens had a higher level of brain activity than leaner teens, both when they actually drank the milkshake and when they were told about the milkshake.

The researchers believe that the pleasure and reward centers for overweight people are activated in the brain more than for people who are not overweight and in response to the possibility of a fatty food being eaten. The craving ends up being almost as pleasurable as eating the food for those who are overweight.

Instead of immediately trying to satisfy your urge or resisting the craving until you can’t stand it, use our guide to reveal what nutrition your body actually needs for its’ health.

Here’s What Your Food Cravings Reveal About Your Health

Craving Chocolate

If you are craving chocolate, it’s easy to give in to temptation. That dark brown, sugary, melting treat is full of fat, sugar and calories that would be better left out of your body.

Chocolate contains magnesium. For a healthier source of magnesium, eat raw cacao. Raw cacao has healthy antioxidants and you can find 100% raw cacao bars in most health food stores. Other healthy sources of magnesium include nuts, seeds, veggies or fruits.

Craving Sugary Foods

Sweet cravings are rooted in our childhoods and are often associated with holidays like Halloween and Valentine’s Day. We might have been rewarded with a sweet treat for good behavior. With all the happy psychological connections to sugar, it’s no wonder we crave these goodies.

Sugary foods can cover a wide range of unhealthy food products from caramel apples to zingers. Since there are a wide variety of foods with sugar, your craving could be one of several healthy minerals that your body needs.

If you are craving sweets, here are some likely nutrients that you need and healthy sources for them:

* chromium – broccoli, grapes, cheese

* phosphorus – eggs, dairy, nuts, veggies, grains

* sulfur – cranberries, horseradish, cabbage, cauliflower

* carbon – avocado, kiwi, banana, apple, mango, pear and papaya. Your body might also have a need for soluble fiber that it gets from these fruits.

* tryptophan – cheese, raisins, sweet potatoes, spinach

Craving bread, pasta and other carbs

A craving for foods high in carbohydrates could mean that your body needs to increase consumption of nitrogen. To get more healthy nitrogen, replace the carbs with high protein foods like eggs, nuts, beans, and chia seeds.

For more information on why you might be craving unhealthy foods, read our article 6 Telling Signs You May Have a Protein Deficiency.

Craving oily foods

A craving for oily foods can mean that your body needs more calcium rich foods. You can find calcium in organic milk, cheese, and in green leafy vegetables. You might also be needing more healthy fats, like Omega-3 fatty acids in your diet.

Craving salty foods

If chocolate is the most commonly craved food, salty snacks are the second most popular craving. Craving salt is rarely just a need for sodium. These foods tend to be high calorie items that have salt on them, like chips or French fries.

Salt is sodium chloride chloride and you can get chloride in healthy forms from fatty fish and goat milk. Cravings for salt can also be a need for silicon in the diet. You can get healthy silicon from cashews, nuts and seeds.

When cravings hit, the best advice may be to ride it out. Remember the study that we mentioned earlier? Pleasure centers of the brain are activated when we just anticipate being able to have a treat.

If you can imagine the smell, taste and texture of the craved food, you may be able to fool your brain into being satisfied, without having to add the high calories to your diet.

Here’s Why You Should Massage Your Feet Every Night Before Bed

January 15, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Our poor feet…day after day, many of us tread along without giving them much thought, let alone a good massage. We’re so wrapped up in our to-do list and meeting the demands placed on us that we forget how important our tootsies are to keep us productive and limber.

Those who visit the occasional nail salon or spa understand the importance of keeping our feet healthy and could probably share some valuable insight. But what about the rest of us?

Science has shed some insight on why foot massages are healthy, not only for our feet but also for our overall well-being. Contrary to popular belief, a foot massage has numerous health benefits. Let’s go over them individually and shed some light on these benefits.

A quick 10 to 15-minute massage each night:

Improves circulation

This is especially true for those who work in a traditional, passive office environment. If this is the case, foot muscles rarely get any exercise. However, a quick massage session before heading off to bed helps improve blood flow in our lower extremities. Aside from giving our feet a quick massage, we can also ensure that we’re wearing comfortable shoes to help improve circulation.

Helps prevent injuries

Perhaps this has happened: we’re walking along just as usual, one foot in front of the other when suddenly we twist an ankle or get a painful cramp. A short foot massage each night can help strengthen foot and ankle muscles and lower the risk of these sudden injuries. For added benefit, slowly rotate the foot around the ankle to relax and strengthen these muscles.

Lowers blood pressure

In addition to improving blood flow, a short foot massage each night will help counteract rising blood pressure. The number of individuals diagnosed with high blood pressure are rising, partly due to increased stress and other environmental factors. In a promising study conducted at the University of Miami, dementia patients that received a 10-minute foot massage up to three times a week reported improved mood and lowered anxiety. Tests were taken that also reported a decrease in these patients’ blood pressure.

Reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression

Studies in reflexology show that frequent, short massages can reduce feelings of anxiety and depression. One study revealed that varicose vein patients receiving reflexology treatment reported decreased anxiety while shortening pain duration. In another study of postmenopausal women, reflexology and foot massage also reduced feelings of anxiety and depression.

Alleviates headache pain

In one study of patients suffering from headaches and migraines, reflexology and foot massage helped reduce headache pain symptoms. In Denmark, the subjects ceased taking their medication to test this hypothesis. Just three months after completing the regimen, 65% of patients reported reduced symptoms, while a small percentage had their symptoms relieved completely.

Aids plantar fasciitis and flat feet

People with flat feet (raises hand) don’t have typical feet arching due to “ligament laxity.” While this often doesn’t have many (if any) noticeable physical effects, it can eventually result in foot pain. Further, people who suffer from plantar fasciitis – pain and inflammation of tissue in the heel – also benefit from short, frequent foot massages. In some cases, massaging the feet each night before bed can help alleviate – in some instances cure – chronic pain due to these conditions.

Alleviates symptoms of PMS and menopause

You can relieve most of the common symptoms of PMS – anxiety, fatigue, headaches, mood swings, irritability, unhappiness, and headaches – with short, nightly foot massages. Menopausal symptoms are generally similar and can also benefit from nightly foot massages.

Reduces effects of edema

Edema is a health condition that results in excess fluid that concentrates in the cavities and tissues of the body. A very common condition during the late stages of pregnancy, short and frequent foot massages can counteract the effects of edema. It should be noted that a healthy diet and adequate rest are also beneficial in minimizing the effects of edema.

Improves intimacy

This is more for male readers. However, women are welcome to consider this nugget of wisdom as well. A foot massage is a simple, selfless, no-cost act of love that can strengthen the bond between two people. Physically, the feet are an erogenous body part that can also help ignite passion.

Final Thoughts on Why to Massage Your Feet Every Night at Bedtime

Hopefully, this article has shed some light on how foot massages can help bolster our physical and mental health. Taking a bit of time to learn how to care for our feet is both worthwhile and valuable.

Which Personality Type Are You?

January 15, 2016 by Power of Positivity

“It is up to each person to recognize their own true preference and personality.”

Carl Jung, arguably the most important figure in all of modern psychology, believed that people could be classified into “personality types.” Specifically, Jung hypothesized that there exist four psychological functions in how people perceive the world – sensation, intuition, feeling, and thinking – with most people having a dominant psychological preference for most of their lives.

In around 1943, two psychologists – Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs (mother and daughter) – created the Myers-Briggs Typology Indicator (or MBTI). The MBTI was developed in conjunction with other prominent psychologists, with the final product released after 30 years of research. Numerous organizations – both public sector and private – utilize the MBTI for various purposes.

Learning Your Personality Type

It’s beyond the scope of this article to delve too deeply into the methodology and philosophy behind this instrument, so we think to best to give a succinct reason on why this test was created. According to the Myers-Briggs website, the MBTI was created to: “Help people realize their “best fit type,” the personality type that will help them succeed most in life.”

The instrument’s premise is that individuals have a preference in four main areas:

(1) Extraversion or Introversion: how someone directs their attention and gathers energy – either from the outside or inside world.

(2) Sensing or Intuition: how a person processes information – through focusing on facts or through added interpretation.

(3) Thinking or Feeling: how someone makes decisions – with logic and facts, or with an element of subjectivity.

(4) Judging or Perceiving: how an individual interacts with the outside world – with a structured and decided outlook or with an adaptable lifestyle.

For each personality type, we’re going to include its nickname, MBTI initials (for example: “E” stands for extraversion and “I” stands for introversion – this is done for all four preference areas), and the type’s predominant characteristics.

A Better Understanding of Each Personality Type

Let’s take a look at each of the 16 different personality types – do you identify with one? In no particular order, here they are:

Type #1: The “Architect” (INTJ)

Making up just around 2% of the population, Architects are the 3^rd rarest personality type. They are generally classified as intellectuals by many of their peers, and often find solace in the pages of books. Characteristics: innovative, independent, strategic, logical, insightful.

Type #2: The “Logician” (INTP)

Making up just around 3% of the population, Logicians are another rare personality type. Of all types, Logicians might just be the most rational (hence the name) and will articulate insightful theories while practicing fierce logic. Characteristics: intellectual, logical, precise, reserved, imaginative.

Type #3: The “Commander” (ENTJ)

Commanders are the people that others look to for direction. Considered natural-born leaders, Commanders make up about 2% of the population. They demonstrate fierce rationality while projecting immense confidence. Commanders are very driven, smart and have insatiable ambition. Characteristics: strategic, logical, efficient, outgoing, independent.

Type #4: The “Debater” (ENTP)

Using their intense logic, Debaters are well known for picking apart arguments and seeking the truth. Around 3% of the population, Debaters are incredibly honest and straightforward. They are comfortable with conflict, as Debaters see it as a natural producer of truth. Characteristics: inventive, inquisitive, strategic, enthusiastic, enterprising.

Type #5: The “Advocate” (INFJ)

Advocates are the rarest personality type in the world. However, for such a sparse group of individuals, Advocates are known for making a tremendous impact on the world. In addition to being the rarest type, they may just have the strongest sense of idealism and morality (think Martin Luther King Jr., a possible Advocate). Characteristics: warm, considerate, responsible, gentle, pragmatic.

Type #6: The “Mediator” (INFP)

Although they make up just around 4% of us, Mediators are intensely passionate and capable people. They love beauty, always seek the good in people and are amazing creators. Many writers, actors, and poets are Mediators. More than any other trait, they are led by their principles and ideals. Characteristics: creative, sensitive, idealistic, perceptive, caring.

Type #7: The “Protagonist” (ENFJ)

This group makes its presence felt in the political arena and among our coaches and teachers. This is because Protagonists are leaders with an immense talent to captivate people and rally them around a common cause. Very caring and genuine, this type creates personal connections that most others cannot. Characteristics: enthusiastic, idealistic, organized, caring, diplomatic.

Type #8: The “Campaigner” (ENFP)

Making up around 7% of us, campaigners truly enjoy being with other people. These individuals live for devising creative solutions to common problems. Some of the best actors and performers in the world are considered to be Campaigners. Characteristics: enthusiastic, creative, optimistic, spontaneous, playful.

Type #9: The “Logistician” (ISTJ)

Dedication to duty is the hallmark of the Logistician (not to be confused with logician). Comprising around 12% of the populace, Logisticians are perhaps the most responsible and meticulous group. These folks respect facts, evidence and straightforward truth; which is why we’ll often see them in courtrooms as lawyers and judges. Characteristics: sincere, analytical, reserved, realistic, responsible.

Type #10: The “Defender” (ISFJ)

Defenders have earned their nickname by relentlessly protecting their fellow human beings. While very analytical and commonsensical, they possess immense empathy and compassion. Combine a meticulous and responsible nature with a desire to give back, and we get many of our fellow doctors, teachers and counselors from this group. Characteristics: considerate, warm, responsible, thorough, gentle.

Type #11: The “Executive” (ESTJ)

Upholding traditional values with a rigorous and intense nature, Executives will gladly safeguard our communities. While many others are tentative to speak their mind, this group embraces the opportunity to speak up for what’s right and fair. Executives earn this name for good reason. In fact, some say that many of our Presidents are from this category. Characteristics: outgoing, analytical, dependable, realistic, efficient.

Type #12: The “Consul” (ESFJ)

Consuls are perhaps the most sociable and outgoing of any of the 16 types. A group that truly enjoys serving others, Consuls are among some of our best nurses and teachers. With a tremendous ability to communicate, Consuls are also talented at solving conflict and providing mediation. Characteristics: outgoing, reliable, friendly, organized, conscientious.

Type #13: The “Virtuoso” (ISTP)

Virtuosos have an insatiable curiosity toward the world around them. As perhaps the most mechanically inclined of the types, this group loves to understand the intricate nature of how things work. Because they are an enigmatic group, virtuosos appear calm and collected only to have a sudden influx of energy and spontaneity. Characteristics: logical, action-oriented, analytics, spontaneous, independent.

Type #14: The “Adventurer” (ISFP)

Bold, creative and free-spirited may be the best way to describe the Adventurer. A fiercely independent spirit, Adventurers happily disrupt social norms through their creative endeavors. Adventurers truly enjoy life and the embrace people and ideas with tremendous vigor. Characteristics: nurturing, gentle, sensitive, flexible, helpful.

Type #15: The “Entrepreneur” (ESTP)

Being a social butterfly is one of the Entrepreneurs favorite pastimes. This group loves to be the center of attention while engaging in friendly, lively discourse. A very intelligent group, Entrepreneurs are more comfortable with risk than any other type, leading to the (highly accurate) conclusion that they’re tremendous businesspeople – especially when they’re their own boss. Characteristics: realistic, versatile, outgoing, spontaneous, action-oriented.

Type #16: The “Entertainer” (ESFP)

Boredom is not an environment that the Entertainer accepts willingly. Incredibly stylish and charming, Entertainers are the life of the party. This group truly embraces style – literally and figuratively – as they have the strongest sense of aesthetics and design of any group. Characteristics: friendly, spontaneous, flexible, tactful, enthusiastic.

You can take the personality test here.

How To Survive Mercury Retrograde In 2016

January 15, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Mercury retrograde can have a major impact on all forms of communication. So let’s look at how we can all prepare for mercury retrograde in 2016 and not only survive it, but be better in spite of it.

Mercury was the name for the Roman messenger to the Gods. As such, he is responsible for communication. He is depicted with wings on his sandals which helps him speed his messages to the heavens.

In astrology, Mercury is the planet that rules both Virgo and Gemini. Gemini is well known for its communication skills. Virgos are known for being masters of information. Being a Virgo or a Gemini during a time of retrograde is a definite plus.

The closest planet to the sun passes Earth as it orbits. Mercury has an oval orbit rather than a circular one. When it passes Earth, it is reaching the narrow end of the orbit, so it appears to slow down as astronomers watch it across the night sky.

At the slow point of its orbit, Mercury almost appears to stop moving and move backward. This is when it is said to be retrograde. Mercury does not actually move backward, it just looks that way from our perspective.

How To Survive Mercury Retrograde In 2016

1. Know when to expect retrograde

According to the Farmer’s almanac, there will be 4 periods of Mercury’s retrograde in 2016. These dates are:

In 2016, Mercury will be retrograde:

January 5 to 25
April 28 to May 22
August 30 to September 22
December 19 to 31

Put these dates on your calendar or in your planner. Also, add a reminder a week before the timeframe that Mercury is in retrograde. This will give you time to prepare for what might happen.

2. Wrap up projects

Finish any unfinished work before a Mercury retrograde

3. Be diligent about backing up your work

Save your work and back it up in a different place. If it is very important, save it in multiple different places. Maybe print a hard copy, email it to someone you trust, put it on a flash drive, save it to your hard drive and then save it to an external hard drive.

4. Communicate clearly

We all make mistakes at times in what we say and write, but a time of Mercury retrograde is a time to be particularly diligent about what you are communicating.

Check your writing twice before sending an email, especially if it’s an important message. Make sure that you have included the most important points in as clear language as possible.

Simply your communication with a numbered list or bullet points if there are specific actions that need to be taken by the person who reads your email.

When you are speaking, it can be difficult to correct a mistake. If you say something that you didn’t mean to say, apologize and immediately repeat what you intended to communicate.

When you are done speaking, ask the person if they understood. You can ask them to repeat back to you what you said if you are unsure that the got the message.

5. Be prepared to ask multiple times

When Mercury is in retrograde, emails can suddenly go missing, post-it notes lose their sticky and fall under the desk, voicemails get deleted, and paper gets lost amidst the piles.

Expect that your message will get lost and that you will need to send it multiple times. If it’s very important, print a copy and leave it for someone, email it to them, and leave a voicemail to ask them to come to see you. When you communicate in multiple ways, your message is more likely to be received.

6. Practice patience

Prepare for the worst that can happen, but expect the best. When you mentally are prepared for delays, miscommunication, unclear thoughts, restlessness and fast-moving possibilities, Mercury’s retrograde can’t take you by surprise.

If things don’t go right the first time, take a deep breath and handle it calmly with the grace of someone who has a Plan B.

7. Use the momentum to your benefit

Things can happen quickly with Mercury in retrograde. According to astrology.com:

“A mercurial nature brings to mind restlessness and motion. Rat-a-tat-tat — things happen fast here. Mercury is about a quick wit, quick thinking, possibilities, opinions, reasoning and the ability to rationalize things. Mercurial energy can be good or bad, but it will certainly be energizing! This planet also prompts us to move from one thing to the next and to get answers on both a physical and psychological level. Further, Mercury’s energy is both dexterous and perceptive.”

With momentum in your favor, it could be time to push along a project that was previously delayed. If someone is dragging their feet, try getting them to make a move now. You might be pleasantly surprised how quickly things can move from annoying to rapid completion with the help of Mercury’s magic.

20 Signs Love Is Leaving Your Relationship

January 15, 2016 by Sarah Barkley

Your relationship didn’t seem loveless just a few months ago. But lately, you have started to wonder what changed. Falling out of love is much more complicated than falling in love.

The emotions you’re feeling are painful, and the thoughts you’re thinking are depressing. You can hardly believe that your partner might not love you anymore. If you’re afraid to ask your partner that question, here are the possible signs that you’re already in a loveless relationship.

20 Signs Love Is Leaving Your Relationship

Do you see these red flags?

1. Love Is Leaving When You Stop Making an Effort

Yes, a healthy relationship takes work, and you both should be making an effort to keep things emotionally happy. Usually, it is the work of the woman in the relationship to do the “emotional work” of keeping everyone’s needs met.

Your relationship may already have the lifelong commitment stamp, or maybe you haven’t discussed where you see yourself in the future. But if you’ve even considered the possibility of marriage with your partner, you owe it to each other to make an effort to make your relationship thrive.

Invest time in each other like you invest time in your work. You don’t have to go out to eat nightly or make a big deal over your anniversary.

But each day, you can give your partner the gift of your full attention. Ask questions about their day and act, or be, interested. If your relationship is missing the effort, it’s a troubling sign that you’re in a loveless relationship.

2. You Cannot Remember Intimacy

Intimacy can be so much more than just intercourse. When you’re in a loveless relationship, you aren’t getting much intimate contact, not to mention physical contact.

Your partner has started giving you side hugs instead of the full-body kind. When you go to kiss your partner, you get “Sorry hon, no time,” as they head out the door. Cuddling used to be your thing. But now, your cuddle up to the arm of the couch while your partner sits away from you.

Missing out on kissing, hugging, and other forms of physical love signifies that your relationship is in danger of losing the love it so desperately needs to flourish.

3. You Feel Neglected, Rejected, and Hurt by Your Partner

If you feel like your relationship is loveless, you probably don’t feel very loved. The lack of attention that your partner gives you makes you feel sad. Is there someone else that they are spending time with instead of you? It makes you wonder.

You might feel resentful, hurt, angry, or frustrated, but your feelings are that of pain. The source of your emotional pain is your partner. You blame them for making you feel this way. If they cared, they would know how you feel and make it up to you? Not if your partner is secretly unhappy.

4. You Complain About Your Partner to Others When Love Is on the Rocks

Having problems within your relationship is one thing, but being public about how things are not going well is another. Complaining about your partner’s shortcomings to someone else could be seen as a betrayal of trust by your partner.

Venting can sometimes help us work through problems with the help of another. Just be sure that the person you confess your troubles to isn’t a potential romantic partner. If they are, it means you are emotionally cheating on your partner.

Emotionally cheating these days usually involves a coworker or a “work wife/husband” that your partner tells everything to and knows everything about. You might have reason to be jealous.

According to a study of cyber cheating, people who had a partner engage in platonic chat with an online potential romantic partner felt just as betrayed as if their mate had cheated on them sexually.

5. When Love Is Leaving the Relationship, You Often Argue Repeatedly

A pattern of repeating the same fights repeatedly is a sign you’re in a loveless relationship. One of the essential parts of any partnership is the ability to compromise.

You can’t both have it your way, so you have to give a little. When you’re arguing over the same things, it’s a sign that neither wants to be generous to your partner.

6. You Plan to Find New Love

You’ve already emotionally left the building if you’re fantasizing about how finding a new partner might feel. You might not want to say that your relationship will be over. But it might be. If you’ve checked out, your partner may have too.

It’s not over yet, but you know that the end is near if you see these signs in your relationship. After you’ve come to terms with the end of your relationship, you can discover when you’re ready to find happiness again.

7. You Choose a Silent Treatment Over Discussions When You Fall Out of Love

If you’re at a point in your relationship where you choose silence and ignoring one another, it’s never a good sign. When you’ve given up on discussions in favor of silent treatments, it shows that the love is leaving your relationship.

Expressing your thoughts and talking through problems is essential to a healthy romance. It allows you to strengthen your bond and maintain a partnership.

If you or your partner choose the silent treatment over discussions, it turns into contempt and other negativity. It also shows that one or both of you don’t even want to try anymore.

8. The Excitement of Your Love Is No Longer There

Think back to the beginning of your relationship, specifically, the excitement you felt about seeing your significant other. If that feeling isn’t there anymore, it’s troubling for your relationship.

While some time apart to do other things is healthy, you’ll know when the romance has become the last priority. You or your partner will do whatever you can to make plans with others rather than each other. Plus, you’ll dread pre-planned dates or events with your significant other.

If this is a problem for you, use it as a chance to reflect on your relationship. Determine if you want to make a positive change to fix things or if it’s time to walk away.

9. You Have a Crush on Someone Else

It’s normal to develop a crush on someone else when you’re in a relationship, but it’s not normal to act on it. Additionally, it’s not normal to wish you were with that other person instead of your partner. If you find that you spend your time wishing you were with someone else, it’s time to reevaluate your current relationship.

It’s a bad sign anytime someone or something else minimizes your desire for your current partner. There might not even be a specific person you’re thinking of either. It could be that you like the idea of meeting someone new or doing other things.

If you spend time thinking about all the people you could meet and places you could go without your partner, it’s time to reflect. It shows that you may have fallen out of love and want to pursue other things without your significant other.

10. You’re Overly Critical

No one enjoys criticism, especially when it seems never-ending in your relationship. If you constantly criticize your partner or they do it to you, it’s a sign that the love is gone.

Constant criticism shows a lack of consideration for their feelings and attacks their character. Everyone makes mistakes and lets people they care about down, but they don’t need a constant reminder of it.

11. Their Presence Seems to Drain You

Your partner’s presence should uplift you and help you find joy in your day. If you feel emotionally or physically depleted when they’re around, you must reconsider what you want or need.

Sometimes you’ll feel drained when you think about your significant other. When this is the case, the relationship might be over. Likewise, if you don’t miss your partner a little after an extended time apart, it’s time to reconsider or fix the issues.

12. You’re Not Being Open

If you aren’t being open with each other, it shows that there’s emotional disconnection. Opening up is the best way a couple can connect, and it’s essential for honesty and trust. If you are no longer interested in discussing things openly, it shows that love is leaving your relationship.

You might notice that you no longer want to share things with your partner. Or, you might not care if they share their thoughts and feelings with you anymore.

If you don’t make a change, the problem worsens and could eventually turn into stonewalling. Stonewalling occurs when one of you stops communicating altogether. You might notice a lack of eye contact, refusing to discuss feelings, or walking away during conversations.

13. Your Future Feels Uncertain

When you think about the future, it can tell you quite a bit about the state of your current relationship. If the thought of them being in your future makes you feel trapped or disappointed, it could indicate trouble. Try to process your thoughts through journaling, meditation, or therapy so that you can identify why you feel that way.

Not looking forward to or feeling uncertain about your future together indicates that something is amiss. It doesn’t always mean that there’s no hope, but it could indicate a lack of awareness on the topic. Additionally, it could show that your desires for the future don’t align, meaning you want different things.

14. You Get Overly Defensive

Defensiveness is a harmful communication method that indicates negativity within the relationship. It shifts blame to your partner while making the defensive person appear innocent.

Most of the time, defensiveness occurs when someone feels accused or overly criticized. It makes the other person feel like they can’t voice their thoughts and feelings without making you angry. If you get defensive in every conversation with your partner, it’s a sign you don’t feel the same anymore.

15. You Look for Ways to Avoid Each Other

If you or your partner actively seek ways to avoid one another, it’s terrible for your relationship. Avoidance is a big issue that needs resolving immediately, or your relationship will end. You might work late or go out alone as a way to stay away from your partner for a little longer.

Sometimes you might even take a long way home to spare yourself a few more minutes. Looking for ways to avoid your partner is a sure sign that your feelings have changed or your needs are unmet.

Think about why you’re avoiding them and consider if it’s possible to fix it. As you think it through, be honest with yourself and allow your feelings to come forward.

Remember that it’s healthy to spend time alone and with other people, and it’s not considered avoidance. Avoidance is when you have nothing else going on, and your reason for finding something to do is precisely to avoid your partner.

16. Your Partner Does Things That Harm Your Life

When your partner’s actions damage your life, it’s a sign that they no longer care. They might not maliciously make things hard on you, but they cannot consider what will happen.

One example is when they overspend and put you in a financial bind. The overspender didn’t think about the problems their purchases could cause, and now you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Another example is if they become addicted to something and refuse to get help. In this instance, your partner knows that their situation causes problems for you and your relationship.

17. You Dream About the Freedom of Being Single

If you ever daydream about living a single life, it could be that your feelings for your partner have changed. When you’re in the right relationship for you, you won’t constantly fanaticize about being alone. It shows that your current relationship is unfulfilling, and that’s not fair to either partner.

18. You Don’t Have a Good Reason for Being with Your Partner

Think about why you’re with your partner, and come up with the best reason possible. It could be troubling if you don’t have a good reason. Many people stay in a relationship because they’re afraid of being alone, but that won’t bring happiness and passion.

Without a good reason, you’re just going through the motions. You don’t love someone out of passion, and you’re settling when there could be someone more compatible.

19. You Always Quarrel About Insignificant Things

If you can’t get through one conversation without arguing, it’s not good for your relationship. Little things about your partner might become irritating, triggering an argument every time. Sometimes, the things that trigger your negative emotions are the things you loved at the beginning of your relationship.

Disagreements are normal, but they shouldn’t be a constant occurrence. It shows a lack of respect within your relationship, and the love might be dissipating. Deep feelings make you more likely to let the little things slide.

Frequent fights show that a couple can’t find common ground anymore. It also shows that they’ve lost their sense of connection.

20. You Don’t Help Each Other

Healthy relationships involve partners who support each other and help whenever possible. They compromise with one another to ensure they’re meeting their partner’s needs and wants. When you no longer desire to help or take care of your partner, it’s a sign of the end.

Final Thoughts on the Signs Your Love is in Danger

There are many ways to tell if love is leaving your relationship. Sometimes you can overcome these obstacles. But other times, it’s time to walk away. The final decision is up to you, but you must make a change one way or another.

If you both want to work on the relationship, you can work to overcome the problems. Don’t ignore the signs your love is in danger because you must handle it immediately. You both deserve to be happy, so don’t put it off.

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20 Signs Love Is Leaving Your Relationship

1. Love Is Leaving When You Stop Making an Effort

2. You Cannot Remember Intimacy

3. You Feel Neglected, Rejected, and Hurt by Your Partner

4. You Complain About Your Partner to Others When Love Is on the Rocks

5. When Love Is Leaving the Relationship, You Often Argue Repeatedly

6. You Plan to Find New Love

7. You Choose a Silent Treatment Over Discussions When You Fall Out of Love

8. The Excitement of Your Love Is No Longer There

9. You Have a Crush on Someone Else

10. You’re Overly Critical

11. Their Presence Seems to Drain You

12. You’re Not Being Open

13. Your Future Feels Uncertain

14. You Get Overly Defensive

15. You Look for Ways to Avoid Each Other

16. Your Partner Does Things That Harm Your Life

17. You Dream About the Freedom of Being Single

18. You Don’t Have a Good Reason for Being with Your Partner

19. You Always Quarrel About Insignificant Things

20. You Don’t Help Each Other

Final Thoughts on the Signs Your Love is in Danger

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