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4 Behaviors That Push People Away

4 Behaviors That Push People Away

Do you tend to push people away without even realizing it? Ask yourself two hard questions–and answer honestly. Have you had friends who just drifted away? Are your behaviors causing this?

Your relationship seemed great, but they stopped including you in their activities. Perhaps you asked them to hang out on several occasions, but they were always busy. You don’t know what happened, but now you’re wondering if there are things you do that push people away. Check out the four behaviors that push people away to better understand if it’s something you’ve been doing in your friendships.

1 – Complaining Is a Behavior That Can Push People Away

Complaining is expressing your dissatisfaction. It’s finding fault with things. It’s customary on one level to complain about bad things that happen to you, but when complaining is your regular attitude, you get a reputation of being a complainer. Complaining all the time drains the life out of a friendship. There are different types of complainers.

  • Complainers who vent: This type of complainer doesn’t want your advice. They vent all the time about the weather, their job, their kids, and their spouse. Their life, in their view, is a significant negative experience.
  • Complainers who want sympathy: These complainers wish you to feel sorry for them. They need a listening ear so they can ramble on about all the difficulties they’ve had.
  • Complainers are addicted to complaining: They complain so much they can’t stop. Complaining defines them. They nurse their complaints with worry and anxiety.

Complaining ruins friendships. It’s hard to talk to someone who complains all the time because they’re not interested in what’s going on in your life.

How can you stop complaining?

If you give in to complaining a lot, here are some strategies that could help you break the habit.

  • Try to step back: if you are a complainer, it’s easy to get caught up in things that probably won’t be that important to you in a couple of years.
  • Look at yourself: Do you like who you are? Are you unhappy? If so, ask yourself what’s making you complain so much. Has someone hurt you who you find hard to forgive? Take some time to self-evaluate and decide who you want to be.
  • Practice being grateful: Being grateful helps you realize the good things in your life instead of the negative things. Gratitude lowers your anxiety and stress levels. Keep a gratefulness journal. Every day, write something you’re grateful for in your life. You may start with being thankful for those basic things like food, clothing, a place to live, or your family that makes your life enjoyable. It may surprise you when you see all the positive things you have in your life.

2 – Selfish Behaviors Will Push People Away

Selfishness is a common problem for everyone. It’s easy to think more about yourself than you do other people. But some individuals are oblivious to their selfishness. Dealing with a friend who is constantly self-centered is exhausting. If you have a selfish friend, you probably experienced these things in your friendship. Selfish people tend to

  • Manipulate: It’s common for selfish people to manipulate their family and friends to get what they want. They need to control things and assume their way is the best.
  • Consumed with themselves: They are aware of themselves and their life. They don’t ask you about yourself when you’re with them but talk about themselves.
  • Lack of gratitude: Selfish people don’t show appreciation unless it’s to gain attention. They act entitled when they receive something rather than thankful for what they received.
  • Won’t allow themselves to be vulnerable: It’s hard for a selfish person to show weakness unless it’s to get sympathy. It’s hard to get to know them because they don’t like to open up.

How can you stop being selfish?

If you struggle with being selfish, here are some steps to change.

  • Listen to others: If you are selfish, you probably aren’t a good listener. As you get into conversations, attempt to listen rather than talk.
  • Let others go first: Do you tend to help yourself? Try to step back and let others go first, whether at Starbucks or when you’re driving your car.
  • Let other shine: Selfish people love to be the center of attention. If you’re aware of your tendency towards selfishness, let others be the center of attention. Cheer them on, show them respect.
  • Evaluate your actions: Take time to assess how you’re doing. Ask a close friend if they can see a difference in your life. Get their input on how you can change.

3 – Playing the Victim

Someone who pushes people away may not be aware they do this when always playing the victim. They may take everything you say personally and get hurt if you aren’t giving them enough attention and validation. These kinds of friendships are one-sided and exhausting. If you have a friend like this, you may alternate between feeling sorry for them and not wanting to be around them because they’re so needy for your acceptance and approval of them.

How do you know if someone is always playing the victim?

  • They won’t take responsibility: People who play the victim refuse to be responsible for their actions. It’s always someone else’s fault they are like they are. They point the finger at their parents, partners, boss, or kids for making their lives miserable.
  • Hold grudge: Individuals who see themselves as victims hold grudges against people they feel have wronged them. Victims always have a story to tell about how someone hurt them. They may have had some genuinely tricky situations in their life. But instead of trying to find healing, they wallow in their hurt and rehearse all the wrongs ever done to them.
  • They don’t trust others: People who play the victim rarely trust others. They say the world is a terrible place, and there’s no one you can trust, yet they expect you to trust them and their assessment of themselves. It’s a strange misunderstanding of who they are and how they come across to others.
  • Self-pity: Self-pity is essentially feeling sorry for yourself because of an actual or perceived injustice or circumstance in your life. They may be hard to talk to about anything else going on except the hardship they’re suffering. It’s as if self-pity is the lens they use to look at life around them.

4 – Gossiping Might Push People Away

Gossip isn’t new. Everybody falls prey to it once in a while. It’s estimated that in approximately two-thirds of the conversations, people have been talking about other people when they’re not there. Some people enjoy gossiping because it makes them feel better about themselves. It’s no fun hanging out with a friend who always tells you negative things about other people. Sharing judgemental opinions and putting people down doesn’t make a sound basis for friendship. If you have a friend who does this with you, it’s likely they also gossip about you behind your back. It’s no wonder gossips push people away. They don’t feel like safe people to be around.

How can you stop gossiping behaviors?

If you struggle with gossiping about others, here are some suggestions to stop.

  • Ask yourself some questions when you’re tempted to give in to gossip. Is this kind? Is it true? Finally, ask–is it helpful or harmful?
  • Stop the conversation with humor: If you’re in a conversation and it drifts to gossip about someone, stop the conversation with a humorous comment like, “We all do that, right?” or “Hey, let’s talk about the weather instead of __________.”
  • Think about how you would feel if you were that person being gossiped about.
  • Stop hanging out with other people who gossip. Gossips tend to hang around each other, perpetuating this damaging behavior.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Can Push People Away

If you had friendships that suddenly ended and you never found out why maybe you pushed your friends. No one wants to push people away, but it can end your friendship if you do certain things. Constantly complaining, gossiping, playing the victim, or being selfish will erode your friendships. It’s not too late to change how you relate to your friends and build long-lasting friendships.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Great Lessons for Introverts

Some of us enjoy spending most of our free time alone. The people that make up this group are called introverts. Introverts tend to be more focused on their own thoughts and feelings. Also, constant social interaction effectively drains introverts of their energy, as they are more contemplative.

This is the opposite of extroverts, who are known to be outgoing, aggressive, and have the ability to make quick decisions.

Introverts are a minority and are forced to acclimate to environments that often take an emotional and mental toll. The extroverted environments of work and social gatherings often make an introvert more withdrawn, which often comes with a critical eye from those who don’t understand introversion.

It is important for introverts to be mindful of things that can be done to feel total wellness in what can be a trying social and work life.

Here are five great lessons for introverts:

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“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.” – Susan Cain

1. Introverts quit trying to “fit in”.

This is hard because we all want to be liked and respected. But, there is a good chance that others will like and respect you regardless of a difference in personality. Think about it – how many friends do you have with a different personality, even the “opposite”, from yourself?

That said, there are going to be those who question your personality. There will be others who will think you’re withdrawn and aloof. There will be those who don’t understand your need for quiet space. It’s your prerogative whether or not you feel compelled to explain; doing so may do a bit of good in how others perceive you. However, you should feel obligated to (1) have people understand you and (2) have people like you.

2.  Socialize comfortably.

As introverts, we are often put in social situations that make us feel uncomfortable. Examples are small talk, noisy and crowded places, lack of privacy, etc. While dealing with these situations may be necessary at times (for example: a work event), introverts will quickly become drained of energy if they’re too overstimulated.

Suppressing the need to be in a comfortable environment can only work for a short period. So when you feel the urge to get away and take some time, by all means, do so. Trust your feelings and step away from all of the noisy stimulation. You’ll find that not only are you more energized, but you’ll also be in a much better mood to socialize later on.

Here’s the takeaway: only socialize in ways you’re comfortable with. As with not trying to fit in, don’t try to socialize if your natural tendency is to do something else. Try to find social situations that fit your preferences. Instead of having a bunch of friends over to the house, schedule dinner with a few friends. If you’re not feeling the vibe at some party, just tell your friends to expect a call or text to catch up later on.

Don’t feel bad about rejecting or leaving social invitations that you’re uncomfortable with.

3. Introverts seek like-minded people.

Let’s be honest: it’s not easy being an introvert. Extroverts dominate the culture of the United States and many other places in the Western world. They’re obligated to take charge and speak up…and we’re just fine with sitting back and listening. Both types are ultimately needed in society…it’s just a difficult partnership at times.

Perhaps the best way to avoid all of the awkwardness is to find people who think like you do! Even though extroverts outnumber introverts, there is still a heavy dose of them out there. Even though small talk is not the introvert’s strong suit (by far!), we can still strike up a like-minded conversation with a like-minded individual. For example, when you’re at the bookstore grabbing coffee, ask about the book someone has in their hand. Maybe offer to buy them a cup. See where this is going?

So instead of trying to force yourself to engage in small talk, hang out with someone who hates it just as much as you do! Find someone who thinks hanging out at a coffee shop or bookstore trumps a party. Not only is it easier to hang out with other kindred spirits, but it’s also much more enjoyable.

4. Maximize on quiet time.

Make sure that you take full advantage when you get some well-deserved quiet time. Also, make sure you do not neglect alone time to make someone else happy. This is easy to do when people make a bunch of requests of you – kids, spouses, friends, co-workers – they will make your presence a priority. But you cannot prioritize someone else above your health, which is essentially the trade-off that some introverts are making.

Remember: introverts need quiet time; it’s not an option. Just as extroverts need social stimulation, we need to recharge our batteries using solitude. Quiet time is an investment in your own mental and physical health. We have unique wiring. We must understand something very important: you can’t be there for others if you cannot be there for yourself.

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5. Introverts focus on their strengths.

Since introverts tend to be more sensitive, they also tend to dwell upon their shortcomings. Introverts innately know that they’re not good at small talk; they’re not good at being in socially demanding situations; they’re not good at engaging people (most times).

That said, introverts have some tremendous qualities. Indeed, we need more of this in the world today. Introverts are tremendous listeners; they have well-developed concentration; they are good writers; they prepare relentlessly.

It’s important for introverts (and anyone else reading this) to focus on their strengths and not dwell upon their weaknesses. Everyone has a heavy dose of both.

Give yourself some credit for being uniquely you!

7 Reasons Why You Need More Hugs (Backed By Science)

Stress has become a constant in the lives of many, affecting family life, work, and everything else they do. People try all kinds of ‘methods’ to keep stress under control, but a simple hug is one thing that’s available for everybody, is free, and has wonderful effects on stress and negative energy.

Research on the effects of a comforting embrace concludes that it’s one of the easiest and most effective ways to live a happy and relaxed life. While you may have embraced these facts already without the need for science to back them, it’s important to wrap your mind around the facts showing the importance to wrap your arms around someone.

Here are 7 Scientifically Supported Reasons to Give More Hugs:

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Hugging Boosts your morale

One hug at the perfect moment can have a huge impact on someone’s day, and can even affect their way of acting. The action of hugging may have an emotional charge to be received by the one in need but it has a both-way action and the psychological bonding between protagonists will enforce both of them creating social relationships.

Enbraces Relieve Pain

The act of hugging means the brain secretes the hormone oxytocin, responsible usually for making mothers forget about birth pain. This way people tend to forget about all the negative aspects of their lives, the pains they endured, and focus more on the positive aspects of their life and what they can achieve from that moment on.

Hugs lower your blood pressure

By taking this aspect into consideration it’s easily observable that your mind is not the only one benefiting from hugs, your body does it too. While you’re hugging someone your skin receptors pick these signals and certain nerves from your body send them to the brain. This feeling of safety and wellness is then transmitted throughout the body and to the heart ending by relaxing your muscles and veins and lowering your blood pressure.

Embraces  heal the heart

A study conducted by the NC University revealed the fact that people who were prevented or simply didn’t have any contact with their loved ones presented an increase in heartbeats on the overall measurement. This also has to do with stress and tension accumulated in the body that forces the heart to pump blood through harder arteries, struggling to provide the same blood flow. On the other hand people who were submitted to constant hugging showed half the number of heartbeats, a more relaxed heart, and greater chances of a long and happy life.

Hugs boost self-esteem and eliminate fear

When embracing, people tend to get a boost to their self-esteem and fearless what others might think about them, but the feeling of fear and all its aspects (death, failure, loneliness) is reduced to a minimum leaving the ‘actors of the hug’ to handle life much better. The idea of protection and escape can be instinctively seen in the case of children who hug a teddy bear or a blanket and suddenly feel safe. This instinct remains with us throughout our entire life if we are aware of it or not, and has spectacular effects on our health when we least expect it.

Hugs help children grow harmoniously

Hugging has extraordinary effects on our babies’ health and helps them grow healthy and happy. A link demonstrates how emotionally supportive we are to our babies and how emotionally stable they are as adults.  Studies have also shown that hugging increases how well they can manage stressful situations and how easy they can establish relationships with other people. Take any chance of hugging your children and show them as much love as you can because this will help both of you.

Hugs comfort elders

The greatest fear of any old person is loneliness and isolation form society.  It is said that loneliness acts rather like a disease than simply a situation and sometimes the stress caused by loneliness can cause the earlier death of that person. Hugging can be a solution to help elders get a chunk of happiness each day. And it doesn’t matter if it’s someone they know or a strange person, the effects are the same because those positive chemical processes are started in the body, regardless of age.

Embraces relax nerves

Studies have shown an improvement of nervous system functioning in the case of people who were hugging. We are electrical beings even if we carry only a small charge, and by hugging the conductance of the nervous system at skin level proved to be more balanced and the nerves more relaxed. By relaxing our nerves (through hugs) we get rid of the tension that makes our life seem so hard sometimes.

Final Thoughts on the Value of Hugs

We should all remember to hug the people next to us. Hugs are free, hugs are life.  Now, go hug someone!

7 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Deserve You

Finding a partner who fits your needs in every important way can be a challenge. Once you’ve found someone who seems right for you, you can tend to overlook behavior that you know is unacceptable for your values just because you’re in love.

Rather than staying in a relationship where your partner doesn’t deserve your time, it might be time to break ties with them and move on to someone who does.

Just in case you were wondering if your partner might not measure up, here are seven signs that your partner doesn’t deserve you.

7 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Deserve You

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1. Your partner doesn’t challenge you.

Living in a partnership ideally includes a coming together of mutual goals. If you challenge your partner to be a better person by accomplishing their goals, but your partner doesn’t support your dreams, it might be a sign that they don’t deserve you.

2. Your partner is a liar.

When you’ve lost the bond of trust that you had with your partner, it’s hard to get it back. Whether they said something untrue or they didn’t follow through on what they promised, your faith in them has changed. While it’s not impossible to get it back with time, losing trust could be a sign that your partner doesn’t deserve you.

3. You have to apologize for your partner’s behavior.

If you’ve ever been in a group of people whose mouths dropped open by something your partner said or did, you may have found yourself apologizing for your partner’s behavior. “I’m so sorry, s/he didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you say as you drag your other half away from the group. Apologizing for something that you didn’t do is never a good sign.

4. Your partner has a different outlook on what they want.

You’ve got big dreams, hopes, and aspirations for your future. Your partner isn’t sure where their next paycheck is coming from. When your partner has no desire to improve their situation in life, but you do, it may be a sign that your partner doesn’t deserve you.

5. You make the effort but your partner doesn’t.

If you find yourself planning all of the activities that you do together, your partner might not deserve all of the efforts that you put into the relationship. You remember birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays and already have the perfect party outfit and supplies ready for next Valentine’s day. Your partner asks “Don’t we have a thing this weekend?” as you roll your eyes at them and explain that yes, you are expecting them to attend your 10-year wedding anniversary dinner on Saturday at 5:00 pm, promptly.

6. Your partner rejects your desire for intimacy.

Dr. Andrew Gottlieb, a couples therapist, says “Initiating sex is a very delicate balance. When one person approaches the other, there is tremendous potential for hurt and rejection. If one person suggests sex, and the other turns it down, this often leads to resentment and finally avoidance.” Dr. Gottlieb suggests offering a rain check for sex if you truly aren’t in the mood.

Your partner should treat you like a priority, and that includes respecting your need for intimacy. If your partner treats you like an option rather than a priority, it could be a sign that your partner doesn’t deserve you.

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7. Your partner overlooks when you’re feeling down.

Your partner’s mood is upbeat, but you have a case of the blues that’s hard to shake. Pulling yourself up out of the hole of depression that you’ve fallen into is stressful to a relationship. It’s even more stressful for a couple when one partner disregards the feelings of the other.

A big difference in mood from one partner to another can make the happier one feel annoyed and resentful. The one who is suffering from depression feels like a burden. At a time when you most need them, aren’t around for you.

Getting help might be the right thing to do. “Getting diagnosed and treated makes all the difference,” says Emily Scott-Lowe, Ph.D., an assistant visiting professor of social work at Pepperdine University, who leads workshops across the country about depression and marriage. Dr. Scott-Lowe says “Just 33 percent of people with depression seek and get help. But when you do, your chances for significant improvement are 80 to 90 percent.”

When you find yourself struggling with an emotional strain in your relationship, you may feel like your partner doesn’t deserve you. Your desire to be free of stress is understandable. If you need professional help, you can seek out a licensed counselor through this link.

If there’s an ever-widening gap between your needs and what your partner can offer you, it could be a sign that your partner doesn’t deserve you. But if it’s time to go, let them down gently and move on to the partner who is a little more deserving of all that you have to offer them.

Top 10 Acupressure Points For Pain Relief

Acupressure is an ancient healing remedy originating in China, and today, many people still use acupressure to do everything from healing diseases to instilling peace and relaxation within the body. While acupuncture is a more widely used remedy in China, acupressure is basically the same without using needles. Traditional Chinese medicine states that every person possesses specific acupressure points throughout the body, lying along energy meridians.

They believe that one’s life force, or qi (ch’i), flows through these energy points, and acupressure can help stimulate them if they have fallen into dormancy. According to Chinese theory, twelve major meridians exist within the body, connecting major organs and helping to keep the body balanced. If one of these meridian points falls out of alignment, it can open the doors for disease and pain to enter the body.

Acupressure practitioners use their fingers, palms, or elbows to apply pressure to each point. They gently massage them to reawaken the energy within the meridians. Many people go to an acupressure practitioner to relieve pain. So we will go over the top acupressure points for pain relief below.

Here are the top 10 acupressure points for pain relief:

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1. Joining the Valley (L14)

Used to relieve headaches, this point is located on the fleshy part of your hand between the thumb and index finger. Massaging it gently for a few minutes can also eliminate toothaches, neck and shoulder pain, arthritis pain, constipation, and hangovers. Make sure your hand is balled into a fist when you perform the massage, as you can access the acupressure point best this way.

2. Pericardium (P6)

Performing acupressure on this point on the inside of the wrist, approximately three finger-widths below the base of the palm. This move can significantly help with nausea and vomiting. People can feel nauseous for various reasons, including pregnancy, motion sickness, post-surgery, or even the flu. Press the point briefly with your index and middle fingers, and repeat as needed.

3. The Third Eye (GV24.5)

Many people feel pain and pressure because we use our minds so much to complete tasks throughout the day, which can result in a tight feeling in the middle of our head. Located right between the eyebrows, you will want to use your middle finger to press it for a few seconds to one minute gently. This will help relax your mind, relieve chronic stress and fatigue, improve memory and concentration, and alleviate eye strain.

4. Sea of Tranquility (CV17)

Located at the center of the breastbone, about four finger-widths above the base of the bone, massaging this point can help restore emotional balance and relieve one of anxiety and depression. Many nervous system imbalances can be corrected by performing acupressure on this point, and it can even boost the immune system. You’ll want to ensure your spine is straight and upright to do this exercise. After you’re situated, take your palms together in a prayer position, and press your knuckles of your thumbs into your breastbone. Take slow, controlled breaths while doing this exercise.

5. Leg Three Miles (ST 36)

Located right below the knee cap just outside the shin bone, applying moderate to deep pressure to this point can improve digestive disorders such as constipation, bloating, and nausea. It may also boost the immune system and ward off fatigue.

6. Commanding Middle (B 54)

This point is on the backside of the knee. It is great for relieving back and knee pain, arthritis in the hips, back, and knees, and even sciatica pain. Some researchers have found that massaging this acupressure point can provide relief for up to six months by simply massaging the point for one minute each day.

7. Sacral Points

You’ll find these points directly above the tailbone, at the base of the spine. Massaging them can help relieve menstrual cramps as well as lower back pain. Simply lie down on your back, put one hand on the other to increase the pressure, and massage the points above your tailbone for a few minutes. Repeat as needed.

8. Shen Men

Located on the upper half of the ear above the apex of the triangular fossa, massaging this point can help eliminate addictions and restore balance to the nervous system. To perform acupressure here, apply your index finger to the Shen Men, and put your thumb on the back of the ear. Massage using firm pressure.

9. Heavenly Pillar (B 10)

Located on the back of the neck on the prominent neck muscles approximately 1/2 inch above the spine, acupressure can greatly reduce insomnia and stress. It can also alleviate neck pain or strain, and help with severe headaches. If you have a stiff or sore neck, you will also reap the benefits of acupressure. Use firm, steady strokes on these points to see the best results.

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10. Bigger Rushing (LV 3)

Located on the top of the foot where the bones of the big toe and second toe meet, massaging this point can help increase memory and concentration. Press it gently for a few minutes. Then release it, and repeat as needed.

These Printable Abstract Coloring Pages Relieve Stress And Help You Meditate

Mandala coloring books have become quite popular recently as more and more adults realize how relaxed they feel after coloring in them. That’s because they bring adults back to their carefree childhood days spent coloring in Lisa Frank or Thomas the Train books for hours. But it also encourages mindfulness and stress alleviation.

Mandala coloring books can provide the same benefits in a totally different style for those who don’t enjoy sitting still in traditional meditation. If you walk into almost any bookstore today, you will see a wide variety of mandala coloring books for sale, as adults seem to benefit significantly from the quiet activity. So, what is a mandala, and why does it have such healing and meditative properties?

For starters, the mandala represents the universe in Buddhism and Hinduism. Moreover, the various coloring book designs take the artist to a new world with the turn of every page and the stroke of every crayon or map pencil. No two designs look the same, which helps keep adults interested in coloring and forget about all their adult responsibilities for a while.

Many people today feel overworked, underpaid, and totally stressed out, so a quiet, meditative activity such as coloring helps people escape the monotony and drudgery that so many feel in everyday life. Even if you only have 15 or 30 minutes to spare, coloring will help you to get into a “flow” state of mind, in which you can become aware of your mind instead of getting so attached to the thoughts that enter it.

Many studies have proven the powerful benefits of coloring for adults, as the activity gives us something to focus on aside from our mundane, often trivial, worries. Psychologist Gloria Martínez Ayala says that coloring activates various areas of the two cerebral hemispheres.

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“The action involves both logic, by which we color forms, and creativity, when mixing and matching colors. This incorporates the areas of the cerebral cortex involved in vision and fine motor skills [coordination necessary to make small, precise movements]. The relaxation that it provides lowers the activity of the amygdala, a basic part of our brain involved in controlling emotion that is affected by stress.”

As we grow older, we greatly lose our imaginations and creative spirit, replacing them with worry and stress about life. As a child, we really don’t have much to worry about except getting home before dinner and remembering to put on clean socks in the morning. We flowed through life in a blissful state. That’s because we lived in the moment. We didn’t worry about paying bills, getting the person we liked to notice us, or conquering the world before we died. Instead, we just enjoyed the moment and found amusement in the simplest things.

Mandala coloring books allow us to return to that peaceful, joyous, liberated state of mind. The best part is that all you have to do is grab some crayons and open the page. You can choose from hundreds of different books. You’ll find them either online or in stores. Make sure to set aside a quiet space in your room or somewhere in your home so that you can focus entirely on coloring and not let any distractions keep you from achieving that meditative mindset that coloring provides. Also, you can play soft music in the background, light candles, or whatever else you enjoy. Do whatever you need that makes you feel relaxed, calm, and present in the here and now.

Download the free coloring pages below.  If you can’t find any coloring books in stores, Click here to purchase them.

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Black and white circle flower ornament, ornamental round lace design. Floral mandala. Hand drawn ink pattern made by trace from personal sketch.

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