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Watch Out For These 10 Things In Your Relationship

November 18, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Relationship problems don’t develop overnight. More likely, if you’re concerned about something, trouble has been brewing for a while. If you plan to stay with your partner and not separate, you need to resolve issues before it’s too late.

Recognizing the signs of relationship trouble is the first step to fixing things. Once you know where the problem areas are, you can work on fixing them.

Watch Out For These 10 Things In Your Relationship

1. You lost track of how long it’s been since you’ve been intimate

If you’re not in the mood more often than you are, you’re avoiding an opportunity to bond with your partner. Having sex is a way for couples to not only bond physically, but it increases the likelihood of future passion in their relationship.

A study published in Social, Psychological and Personality Science revealed that people who didn’t respond in kind when their partners asked for sex reported lower levels of desire over a 21 day period. In contrast, people who did go ahead with sex even if they didn’t feel up to it later reported increased desire over the same time frame.

2. You never talk anymore.

You go through your routine in the morning, head out to work and come home in the evening; by the time you’re in bed, you’ve barely spoken a whole paragraph to each other. Not having anything to talk about could be a problem.

Couples who stay together long term aren’t leading such adventurous lives that they always have something new to talk about. But old married couples don’t sit in silence either. They chat about little things like the weather, the neighbors, the chores or plans for the holidays. Not having anything to say might be a sign that you’re withholding interaction from your partner out of anger or spite.

3. When you do talk, you argue.

Voices are raised when you do talk to each other and you get on each others’ nerves at the drop of a hat. Your partner does things that irritate you and rather than telling them calmly, you have an emotional outburst that results in both of you storming off.

Neither you or your partner is a mind reader. If something’s bugging you, you have to talk it out or nothing will ever change. Try saying, “When you ____, it makes me feel ___.” Ultimately you are the only person who can control how you respond in any situation, so if your partner says or does something that bugs you, try managing your emotional response with some deep breathing.

4. You’re mentally cheating.

Although you haven’t had sex with anyone else yet, you’re mentally cheating on your partner by confiding in someone else. If you commiserate about your relationship to a potential new romantic partner, you are psychologically cheating.

Confiding in someone who could be a potential romantic partner rather than your spouse, is a type of infidelity. If you can’t tell your spouse what’s wrong, you shouldn’t share private details of your relationship with another person, unless they are a counselor.

5. You think about what you would do after this relationship ends.

If you’ve said, “I’ll never marry again” and you’re currently married, you have a problem in your relationship. You’re already mentally preparing yourself for singlehood. For a shift in perspective, try to think about how you’ll be able to still keep the flame alive when you’ve been together for 20 years.

6. You’re hiding things.

Whether it’s a hidden stash of money or the fact that you’re finding ways to spend time away from your partner, hiding things is a bad sign for your relationship. This is one more way that trust is broken between partners.

7. You’ve stopped caring.

Your spouse asks if you mind if they go hang out with the guys on Sunday for football and you don’t care one way or the other. You’re apathetic to what your partner does, and you shouldn’t be.

8. You tell different stories about your relationship.

When you and your partner have different memories about key events in your relationship, you should be concerned. According to a study by the University of Illinois, “if a couple’s relationship is undergoing a slow and painful death, it no longer serves their purpose to remember the course of the romance accurately.”

9. Your Facebook posts make you look like a happy couple.

Couples who brag about their relationships with cutesy posts on Facebook may be hiding the truth of things offline. A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin revealed that those lovey, dovey posts are more likely to be you putting on the appearance of being part of a happy couple.

10. You handle big problems via text.

Rather than talking it out face to face, you send important communication with a text or emoji. In-person communication gives us so much more information since we have the benefit of body language, tone and eye contact. Without this extra information, we are more likely to have a miscommunication.

If any of these problems are impacting your relationship, talking with your partner is always a good first step to repairing any damage. If you need the help of an impartial professional, you can locate a licensed marital counselor here.

10 Ways To Reignite Your Relationship

November 16, 2015 by Power of Positivity

When you have a partner who loves you, that’s all you need for a successful long-term relationship, right? Unfortunately, love is not all you need. As humans, we have physical needs that include sex. If the passion has gone out of your relationship, rekindle the fire with these relationship reminders…

10 Ways To Rekindle The Fire In Your Relationship:

1. Play hard to get.

In a long-term relationship, you no longer have the thrill of the chase. We’re not discussing withholding sex from your partner, but try being slightly less available to them.

Become a moving object of desire by having your own personal interests that you enjoy separately from your partner. If you spend a bit of time away from your partner doing things that you love to do, you spark your own creativity and have something new to share with them.

2. Try something new together.

If you’ve never had sex in the shower, invite your partner in to get frisky. Have you ever gone to an adult store? Even if you just laugh the items you find there, you’ll have a new shared experience that connects you.

Even if you don’t try something new sexually, you can have a shared adventure together. For example, go horseback riding or sailing. You’ll have an enjoyable day together, and the change is good for when you’re in a rut.

3. Use sexy words to spice up the relationship.

The brain is an often overlooked erogenous zone. If you haven’t coupled for a while, start by telling your partner how much you miss being physical. Try ‘Honey, the way that shirt hangs open a bit gets me all worked up. I’d love to take you in my arms and show you how much I need you.’ You two need a moment alone now, don’t you?

4. Watch TV in bed.

It almost sounds like bad advice, but a survey of 2431 people revealed that those with a television in their bedrooms had sex twice as often as those who did not. It’s possible that with the increasing number of steamy sex scenes on TV, it would put both partners in the mood for love.

5. Touch your partner to display physical interest in the relationship.

Another study suggests that ‘couples may find it difficult to rebuild intimacy if they define intimacy too narrowly or rely on only one dimension of intimacy to sustain their relationship.’ You or your partner can start to rekindle the fire with a massage, cuddle, foot rub by holding hands or with a kiss that lasts longer than 5 seconds.

6. Rebuild trust in each other and the relationship.

Being intimate with someone is very difficult unless you trust them. When one partner feels that the level of trust in the relationship has changed, they may withdraw.

Major betrayals, such as infidelity, can be very difficult to overcome. You may need a couples therapist if something has happened to break the trust in your relationship and you can’t figure out how to get it back.

7. Communicate your needs.

According to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, partners who neglect each other’s feelings had lower overall relationship satisfaction. This lack of listening and understanding creates an obstacle that can put out the fire in a relationship.

If your partner can’t meet your needs outside of the bedroom, how can you expect them to meet your needs in the bedroom? Talk to your partner about what you need by saying ‘I need you to ___, which will help me feel ___.’

8. Avoid criticism.

You may feel that critiquing your partner’s performance in bed or out is helpful, but your partner might stop trying altogether if they hear too much of it. Licensed marriage counselor Dr. Frank Gunzburg says, ‘You want to attract your spouse to rekindle love and desire, rather than chase him or her away.’

9. Spend time together.

Having time together allows partners to talk and learn about each other. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always something that your partner has yet to learn about you. Dr. Gunzburg suggests spending special time with a candlelit meal, a moonlit walk or sitting together after putting the kids to bed can all be ways to rekindle the fire.

10. Find a relationship therapist.

When all else fails, and you need professional help, seek a licensed therapist to help you figure out how to reconnect physically. You can find a licensed marriage and couples counselor here or a licensed sex therapist here.

It is perfectly normal to be afraid of talking to a counselor about your sex life in your relationship, but you have nothing to fear. According to Laurie Watson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author of Wanting Sex Again, most couples who seek help wonder why they waited so long,

Seeking the help of a therapist can be difficult to bring up with your partner, so try saying, “I feel I haven’t responded well to you lately, and I know I can do better. I want to learn new strategies of responding to you, but I need you to be a part of that, giving me your input and feedback. I’d like you to come to a counseling session with me.”

7 Foods That Are Aging You Too Quickly

November 16, 2015 by Power of Positivity

According to a report by Transparency Market Research, the anti-aging market in the U.S. is projected to be worth $191.7 billion by 2019. People will obviously pay a high price to keep their skin youthful and radiant, but they often don’t consider that their food choices can make all the difference between dull and glowing skin.

What we put into our bodies affects every single part of us, from our internal organs to our fingernails to our skin. While we should enjoy our food, it plays a bigger biological purpose – to give us the proper energy and nutrients to make it through our day. Foods should fuel us and make us feel vibrant, not make us lethargic and unhealthy.

Here are 7 foods that are making you age too quickly:

1. Refined sugar

When you eat excess amounts of refined sugar, it kickstarts a process known as glycation. In this process, the sugar attaches to proteins in your bloodstream and forms new, toxic molecules called advanced glycation end products, or AGEs, for short. “As AGEs accumulate, they damage adjacent proteins in a domino-like fashion,” explains Fredric Brandt, MD, a dermatologist in Miami and New York City and author of 10 Minutes 10 Years.

Too much sugar damages collagen and elastin, which help to keep skin firm and radiant. When collagen becomes damaged, it causes skin to become dry, brittle, and loose, accelerating the appearance of aging. Not to mention, AGEs lower your body’s natural ability to produce antioxidant enzymes, which makes the skin more susceptible to sun damage, a major contributor to skin aging.

2. Alcohol

Drinking a glass of wine or two with dinner a few nights a week probably won’t hurt you, but drinking excessively can damage many parts of your body, including your skin. Alcohol dehydrates the body, so your skin will appear dry and brittle after consuming one too many drinks the night before. Not to mention, alcohol greatly taxes the liver, which normally would help to carry toxins out of the body. However, when you consume a lot of alcohol, the liver can’t break it down properly, which means those toxins will spread throughout your body, including to your skin. Many people who drink regularly have skin issues such as acne, rosacea, or wrinkles.

3. Barbecue

While many celebrations and festivities center around this all-American food, a slab of heavily burnt meat doesn’t exactly do your body good. Because barbecued meats have to slow cook for hours on end, this produces a multitude of carcinogens and pro-inflammatory hydrocarbons, which can cause inflammation in the skin. Peter Guengerich, a biochemistry professor at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, says that “our bodies have enzyme systems that convert these into reactive compounds, things that get stuck irreversibly on your DNA and can cause mutations and potentially cancer, most commonly colon cancer.”

4. Salt

While we need salt to survive, consuming about 1,500 milligrams a day can leave you feeling bloated and lethargic, and make your body retain water. If you continuously eat a high salt diet and don’t drink adequate water to flush out the excess salt, it can really take a toll on your skin, as it will cause dehydration. Make sure to eat foods that have naturally occurring salt, and add a minimum amount on to foods if you enjoy a salty taste.

5. Processed meat

Recently linked to cancer by the World Health Organization, processed meats such as bacon, ham, and sausage have been proven to also accelerate aging. These meats have a slew of chemical additives, such as nitrates, monosodium glutamate, and other dangerous substances that only lower the immune system and create disease. Processed meats usually contain a great amount of salt also, which can make the skin brittle and puffy looking.

If you still eat meat, make sure to get organic, grass-fed meats without added chemicals and preservatives.

6. Caffeinated beverages

While it seems our world runs on coffee, the caffeine in it has a very drying effect on the skin. Drinking too many cups a day can leave you dehydrated, causing your skin to lack luster and look dull. Dr. Deborah Wattenburg, a dermatologist from New York City, says, “Alcohol and caffeine … act like a diuretic and prevent you from holding on to water, so your skin looks sort of prune-like. It can get dry and get washed out.”

Try limiting your coffee intake to one or two cups a day, and make sure to drink plenty of water throughout the day.

7. Trans fats

While many reasons exist to avoid trans fats, the fact that they can accelerate aging should be enough to steer clear of them. According to a study on PubMed, trans fats can increase the risk of UV radiation induced oxidative damage, which makes you more vulnerable to harmful rays from the sun. Trans fats have been removed from many foods due to the dangers associated with consuming them, but make sure to read all labels just in case.

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5 Signs Someone is Manipulating You

November 13, 2015 by Power of Positivity

The hardest part about relationships is that when we open ourselves up, we also open of someone manipulating us. It’s a chance we take to build healthy, loving relationships.

Sometimes the most loving and kindest people are the ones who fall into the trap of manipulation. It’s those people who are too trusting that often don’t know it’s happening. They don’t participate in it themselves and they don’t realize that some people are addicted and truly live and thrive off of manipulating others.

It’s important to recognize the signs so that you can be more aware of it in your own life.

5 Signs Someone Is Manipulating You

1. They drain your energy if manipulating you.

Manipulators carry a dark cloud around with them, but sometimes you cannot immediately tell. When they enter a room, they make a point of making sure everyone notices. Instead of working the room in a normal fashion, they are looking for everyone to display sympathy and work to make them “feel better.” They want to be the “cause” because it is more likely to get them what they want.

2. They use passive aggressive methods to undermine us.

Master manipulators do not want to be seen in a bad light, so they avoid being direct and honest. Instead, they will have others do their dirty work so they can avoid the “bad guy” syndrome. They talk behind our backs, rally the support of our closest friends, and mount a campaign to prove they are right, and we’re wrong. They are verbally supportive but act in very unsupportive ways.

3. They use your words against you and to their benefit.

A manipulator is often trying to sell us on something. They interrupt our thoughts and speak over us when we’re talking all in the hopes to get us off our game. When we notice the behavior and call them on it, then they find a way to use our words to make us feel guilty.

Instead of apologizing for forgetting to stop at the store on the way home, a manipulator might respond, “I am so overwhelmed with work right now. I know you would never have asked me to stop at the store if you knew how much pressure I’m under.”

4. They seek out and use our sensitive and trusting nature.

Manipulators play on the fact that we are trusting and sensitive in nature and seek out our vulnerabilities and use them to their advantage. They use a false sensitivity to connect with us and to help shield their true intentions and motives.

5. They use guilt trips while manipulating you.

A manipulator that is good at playing the mental game knows how to play the role of victim to get what they need. They use triggers to pull at our heart strings, so we feel as if we have no choice but to give in. They play on guilt, sympathy, and our sensitivities as a way to emotionally blackmail us into serving their needs.

It can be difficult to pull away from a master manipulator because they have dug deep and created a strong emotional hold on us. We may need to seek the help of a loyal friend to break free.

5 Ways to Stop Overthinking

November 13, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Overthinking is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness. Overthinking can create problems that weren’t even there or may not even happen in the first place. Most of the problems or situations we conjure up in our mind are fear and worry based and do not aid us – although we think that by overthinking we are helping or protecting ourselves in some way. What we are really doing is robbing ourselves of this gift in this very moment.

Once we get started, it’s hard to stop overthinking.

Here are 5 Ways to Stop Overthinking:

1. Stop and focus on the positive things going on right now.

We have become a society that allows overthinking and negative thinking to prevail. By simply shifting your focus to what makes you happy, or what you’re thankful for, you can start to retrain your mind to think more positively. Remember: It only takes one brick at a time to build a home…

Consequently, you will start to feel more peaceful and stop overthinking, since you no longer put so much emphasis on the negativity you perceive within yourself and elsewhere.

Remember, energy flows where attention goes – you can stop overthinking by creating awareness behind your thoughts.

2. Repeat peaceful words to yourself throughout your day.

Pay attention to your brain at this very moment…what kinds of thoughts do you observe?

Most likely, you will notice that the majority of your overthinking centers around what you have to do today, or what someone said that made you angry, or even degrading thoughts about yourself. Don’t feel bad, though; with so much negativity around us, maintaining a consistent positive mindset isn’t always easy. However, you can actually counter the negative, stress-inducing thoughts with simple, peaceful words.

Anytime you feel a bout of anxiety coming on, introduce calming words into your awareness, such as the following: Tranquil. Calm. Peaceful. Serenity. Light. Love. Relaxing. Breeze. Beach. The last two words in the sequence describe scenery, which you can do as well if it makes you feel peaceful. Words carry a lot of meaning and power, so use them to your advantage whenever you feel stressed out.

3. Meditate on a regular basis.

We suggest meditation a whole lot on our website, but for good reason. When you meditate, you stop the flow of thoughts bombarding your consciousness every second, and instead move into a space where stillness takes precedence. While you don’t have to turn off your brain to meditate, many people feel that their thoughts slow down incredibly, and they can observe themselves much easier with controlled breaths and closed eyes. Meditation simply brings awareness into the body and makes it much easier to cope with daily challenges.

If you want to cultivate more peace in your mind and life, start meditating, or sitting quietly focusing on nothing but your breath for at least ten minutes a day on a daily basis. You will find that adopting a more peaceful mindset becomes much more attainable.

4. Live in the here and now.

Forget overthinking about the errands you have to run tomorrow after work, or the bills you have to pay next week, or the uncertainty of your future that you haven’t even gotten to yet. When you let thoughts like these ruminate, it can cause great dis-ease within the body, and even lead to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and other serious problems. Most anxiety is caused by simply living in a time other than the one we have right now, so bring yourself back to the present whenever you feel your thoughts taking you elsewhere.

By allowing yourself to flow from one moment to the next, just as you did as a child, you will recapture what it means to feel true peace.

5. Get out in Nature.

Nature is the perfect way to quiet a busy mind. You could do this on a weekend or on your lunch break in a nearby park. If you’re really stressed out, considering going on a vacation somewhere beautiful and away from everything.

Anything you can do to strengthen your bond with nature will greatly benefit your mind, and help you remember that we create most stress we feel in our mind and body. We originated in a place of pure harmony, and most of what we see around us is just a very persistent illusion. Remember that nature doesn’t struggle through life, and you don’t have to, either. Don’t get too caught up with the trivial matters of the material world, because you won’t find peace in numbers or possessions.

Truthfully, peace resides within your heart already, but Mother Earth can help you remember this by providing solace from the strains of modern society.

“There’s no Wi-Fi in the forest, but I promise you will find a better connection.”

Do you have any tips to add to the list? Join us on Facebook to discuss the topic of overthinking.

11 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone (Even if You Think You Do)

November 13, 2015 by Power of Positivity

How many things do you do for others out of guilt or obligation? When we stop doing things out of guilt and instead out of desire we feel more freedom. More freedom in our lives and in our relationships. The truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything. You are here to live your life for you and if that also involves others, great. If not, it’s okay too. You have the choice to build the relationships you desire.

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” – Wayne Dyer

Don’t allow others to make you feel bad or guilty for living your own life.

Here are 11 things you truly don’t owe anything, even if you think you do:

You don’t owe anyone a justification for your values and your priorities.
You don’t owe anyone a yes when you want to say no.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.
You don’t owe anyone a debate or explanation on personal or political views.
You don’t owe anyone an apology for a decision you would make again.
You don’t owe anyone friendship, especially when they do not share your values.
You don’t owe anyone the commitment to try something “new” just because you were asked.
You don’t owe anyone a safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor choices.
You don’t owe anyone an answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
You don’t owe anyone false compliments just to make them feel better.
You don’t owe anyone anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against your gut instinct.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove.” – Maya Angelou

The next time you are tempted to justify something or act from guilt, just remember that you can’t control what other people think. You can only control what you think and how you feel.

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Watch Out For These 10 Things In Your Relationship

1. You lost track of how long it’s been since you’ve been intimate

2. You never talk anymore.

3. When you do talk, you argue.

4. You’re mentally cheating.

5. You think about what you would do after this relationship ends.

6. You’re hiding things.

7. You’ve stopped caring.

8. You tell different stories about your relationship.

9. Your Facebook posts make you look like a happy couple.

10. You handle big problems via text.

10 Ways To Rekindle The Fire In Your Relationship:

1. Play hard to get.

2. Try something new together.

3. Use sexy words to spice up the relationship.

4. Watch TV in bed.

5. Touch your partner to display physical interest in the relationship.

6. Rebuild trust in each other and the relationship.

7. Communicate your needs.

8. Avoid criticism.

9. Spend time together.

10. Find a relationship therapist.

Here are 7 foods that are making you age too quickly:

1. Refined sugar

2. Alcohol

3. Barbecue

4. Salt

5. Processed meat

6. Caffeinated beverages

7. Trans fats

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5 Signs Someone Is Manipulating You

1. They drain your energy if manipulating you.

2. They use passive aggressive methods to undermine us.

3. They use your words against you and to their benefit.

4. They seek out and use our sensitive and trusting nature.

5. They use guilt trips while manipulating you.

Here are 5 Ways to Stop Overthinking:

1. Stop and focus on the positive things going on right now.

2. Repeat peaceful words to yourself throughout your day.

3. Meditate on a regular basis.

4. Live in the here and now.

5. Get out in Nature.

Here are 11 things you truly don’t owe anything, even if you think you do:

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