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How To Achieve Your Dreams in Four Steps

September 30, 2015 by Power of Positivity

In life, we all want to achieve our dreams, but many of us have no idea how to transform those visions into reality. Many self-help books and online articles will tell you to envision your idea first and believe in it so much that it has no choice but to manifest before your eyes. However, at some point, achieving your dreams comes down to how much dedication and perseverance you have in actualizing those goals. How badly do you want it?

Many books out there mislead people and have them believe that they need to do all these rituals and following certain practices in order to achieve results. However, if you want real ways to reach your goals without wasting valuable time following guidelines that may or may not work, take the advice of Gabriele Oettingen, New York University psychologist.

On the “Psychology Podcast,” started by cognitive psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman, Gabriele revealed a four-step plan she came up with after years of intensive research, proven to steer people in the right direction with achieving their dreams.

Of course, you do need to believe in yourself and think positively in order to see your dreams become a reality, but spending too much time trying to correct your thinking patterns could actually deter you from achieving your dreams. On the weekly podcast, Oettingen explained her four-step plan to Kaufman in detail, and it comes down to this motivational acronym: WOOP.

The Four Step Plan To Achieving Your Dreams:

Wish:

This part includes the visualization necessary for achieving your dreams. What is it that you want? You need to have this clearly defined in your head, and you could even write it down if that makes things easier for you. The idea isn’t to have the most grandiose wish in the world, but you can if you want; the main idea is to simply have something to work towards, no matter how small it may seem. Your wish can range from something relatively small, like waking up 15 minutes earlier the next day, to a big dream like buying a three-story house next year.

Whatever your dream is, make sure you really want it in your heart, and hold it there.

Outcome:

After you think about what you want, visualize how you’ll feel if your dreams come true. What will the outcome be if you do achieve your dreams?

“Very often, it is a feeling,” Oettingen said. “You define that outcome, and you imagine that outcome. And once you’ve imagined the outcome, really immerse yourself in these daydreams.”

This part does require some positive thinking, but you will use this step to carry you through the next ones. The key to achieving your dreams is to not just stop at the dreaming part; you have to put in the hard work to watch those dreams come to life.

Obstacles:

This step probably won’t seem that enjoyable, but it’s necessary if you want to go through the whole process of achieving your dreams. If you simply stop at daydreaming, you won’t ever have the tools you need to achieve your dreams, because following them requires both unshakable faith and dedicated action. However, many people have something inside them that bars them from achieving their wildest dreams.

After you let that feeling of accomplishment wash over you while visualizing what it would feel like to actually achieve your dreams, think about the realistic obstacles you face that keep you from those goals.

“Then you say, What is it in me that holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome? ” Oettingen said. “Very often it’s an emotion, it’s those same old habits. … And you imagine that obstacle.”

Plan:

Finally, you need to have action plans for each of those obstacles. Make a list of all the possible roadblocks you will face in achieving your dreams, and come up with solutions for each of them.

“Once you’ve imagined that obstacle,” Oettingen said, “you’ll understand what you need to do to overcome it.”

Sound too simple to be true? The research Oettingen has done thus far has helped people do everything from eat healthier foods to feeling more secure and confident in their romantic relationships. If you’d like to read more about her methods and research, click the link in the previous sentence for more in-depth information.

Also, remember to practice patience when trying to achieve your dreams. All the small steps you take will amount to big ones, in the end, so just make lists each day of the things you need to accomplish in order to reach your goals, and go after them! Don’t let anything, especially your own mind, hold you back from your destiny.

3 Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

September 30, 2015 by Power of Positivity

From the moment you are brought into the world, you develop relationships – with your parents, siblings, near and distant relatives, students, spouse, friends, co-workers… the list goes on. Something else that we all have in common. We want to have healthy and happy connections with others (and we all have the capacity to ruin relationships). In order to create these positive relationships, there are certain behaviors we must learn to stay away from. Three of these behaviors in particular if left unchecked can ruin your relationships. They can also have a very strong impact on the number of connections formed in the future.

Here are 3 behaviors that ruin relationships:

Withdrawal from communication (and/or emotional unavailability)

Effective communication is essential in any healthy relationship. Being open, honest, and willing to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your spouse is required. When people hold secrets or avoid genuine interactions, they create a barrier that inhibits the connection from growing and flourishing. This might result in sentiments of distrust, animosity, and disconnect.

It is essential to be able to handle difficult conversations in a calm and sensible manner in order to create and maintain a good relationship. This includes the ability to express yourself without resorting to name-calling or yelling at one another. It also entails being able to listen to your partner’s point of view while accepting responsibility for your own behaviors.

It is critical to be open and honest with your spouse in order to establish successful communication and trust in your relationship. This entails being open to sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs, even if they are difficult to articulate. It also entails being willing to listen to your partner’s point of view and collaborate to solve any problems that may occur.

To summarize, healthy relationships necessitate open and honest communication. When people conceal secrets, avoid uncomfortable talks, and refuse to admit when someone has done or said something that has upset them, it can lead to mistrust, animosity, and detachment. It is critical to establish trust and excellent communication in order to avoid hurting the relationship.

This can be achieved by being open and honest with your partner, and by being willing to listen and work together to find solutions.

Comparing the relationship to the relationships of others

Comparing yourself to others, whether the Joneses, Kardashians or anybody else, can harm your relationships. When we compare ourselves to others, it might make us feel inadequate or as if our ties with others are insufficient. In our relationships, this can lead to emotions of lack, inadequacy, and discontent. It can also foster an unhealthy dynamic in which we are always striving for something greater rather than appreciating the beauty of our current relationships.

To prevent potentially destroying your relationships by comparing yourself to others, keep in mind that each scenario is unique and individual. It’s normal for your relationship with a friend or partner to differ from your relationship of another person.

Instead of always wishing for something you don’t have, it’s crucial to accept your relationship for what it is and to focus on its strengths and positive qualities.

It’s also vital to understand that other people’s relationships and lives aren’t always as great as they appear on social media or in the media. People tend to exhibit only the best aspects of their lives, and it’s easy to compare your own life and relationships to an edited and curated version of someone else’s.

In conclusion, keeping up with the Joneses or the Kardashians might be detrimental to your relationships. It can cause emotions of lack and inadequacy, as well as make you want for something you don’t have.

To avoid potentially destroying your relationships, keep in mind that each scenario is unique and unusual, and cherish the beauty of your current relationships. Furthermore, it is critical to know that other people’s relationships and lives are not always as great as they appear and to refrain from comparing yourself to them.

Holding on to grudges and resentments

“For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

When someone offends us, especially someone we love, it can be excruciatingly painful and leave us feeling as if we will never be able to forgive them. Holding grudges and unresolved issues, on the other hand, might lead to the notion that people cannot be trusted. This is harmful to both ourselves and our relationships.

Forgiveness is an essential component of any healthy relationship. It enables us to go forward in a positive manner by allowing us to let go of the grief and hurt created by the offense. It’s critical to understand that forgiving someone does not imply overlooking their offense or making excuses for their behavior. It is all about letting go of the bad feelings and resentments that might affect ourselves and our relationships.

Forgiving someone might also be good for our emotional health. Holding on to anger and resentment can be emotionally taxing, leading to tension and discontent. We can let go of bad emotions and achieve peace and closure by forgiving someone.

Furthermore, forgiving is crucial because it opens our hearts and brains to trusting others. When we retain grudges and resentments against people, it can be difficult to trust them and develop healthy relationships. Forgiveness enables us to move past the transgression and develop better, more trusting connections. It can be tough to forgive someone who has hurt us. Holding grudges and unresolved issues, on the other hand, might lead to the notion that people cannot be trusted. Forgiving someone is vital because it allows us to let go of the grief and hurt caused by the transgression, improves our mental health, and allows us to open our hearts and minds to trust others.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

Some of the practices that might harm relationships include keeping secrets, removing oneself from genuine interactions, and comparing oneself to others. Effective communication, trust, and forgiveness, on the other hand, are essential components of any healthy relationship. Being open, honest, and eager to discuss your ideas, feelings, and desires with your spouse is one of these characteristics. Furthermore, the ability to have difficult conversations in a calm and sensible manner, accept responsibility for your own acts, and let go of grudges and resentments are vital for maintaining strong relationships. If you want to keep your close relationships healthy, you should aim to foster these habits in them.

5 Signs You’re Stronger Than You Think

September 29, 2015 by Power of Positivity

In life, people often look at our circumstances from a “glass half-empty” perspective, seeing everything that isn’t there rather than what IS there. We judge ourselves and become our own worst enemies, expecting perfection and nothing less. We compare our lives to others and decide that ours must be a life of weakness that is less appealing or gratifying. However, you are probably much stronger than you think, and here’s why:

5 Signs You’re Stronger Than You Think

You Focus on What You Can Change

Unhappy people always dwell on what they can’t change, but happy people take advantage of the changes they can make. Unhappy people give every reason why something is impossible, but happy people understand that they can transcend any limits with positive, determined thoughts. If you realize what changes you can make and take active steps toward creating those changes, you have discovered one of the best ways to feel true happiness: by taking responsibility for establishing positive change in your life.

You Don’t Care What Others Think

If you feel comfortable living beyond the confines of societal norms and couldn’t care less what others have to say about how you live, you are part of a rare group of people. Many people never allow themselves to flourish because they worry too much about how others will perceive them, and don’t pay enough attention to how they perceive themselves. The day you stop caring what others think is the day you start living. If you have surpassed the need to seek approval and live life according to your own ideals, you have unlocked one of the gates to happiness.

You Aren’t Afraid of Failure

This goes along with the previous point, because living without regrets often coincides with having no fear of failure. Leaving the comfort zone behind means that you focus more on the experience rather than the result of that experience. If you accept failed attempts as part of the learning experience here on Earth, you probably live a pretty happy life because you understand that growth can’t happen without failure.

You Have a “Yes” Mentality

Adopt this mindset, and you will have a whole new outlook on the meaning of “no.” No just means that the universe is redirecting you to another opportunity, which means that a “yes” is inevitable if you just hold your intention. If you already have this mentality, you actually love the answer “No” because it challenges you to keep following your path despite the obstacles you face. Having this mentality means you say yes to life, even if life may not always say yes to you.

You See the Value in the Little Things in Life

Most people rush through life without slowing down every once in a while to take in all the beauty around them. If you can look at a flower growing in a bed of weeds and smile, you have a pretty good outlook on life. In the same way, if you can sit in a sea of cars on your way to work and feel thankful for the chance to gain patience, this shows you can find the silver lining in any situation.

5 Signs Someone is Trying to Manipulate You

September 29, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Some people are always on the lookout for others they can use to advance their agenda, whatever that may be, through whatever means possible. This is manipulative behavior in a nutshell. People that attempt to manipulate often do so by playing on other people’s emotions. They generally don’t trust the logical capabilities of others and seek to “pull the wool over” their eyes. Truly a sad state, but this type of behavior exists.

Generally, people that display manipulative behavior display these and other “red flags” that can potentially unveil their capability to manipulate:

5 signs someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. They have a history of manipulating others.

Have they been caught in a lie with you or someone else? Do they have a generally negative attitude? Have they spread rumors or gossiped about someone? Do they display predominantly individualistic types of behaviors?

These individuals also have an egotistical streak–perhaps even sadistic–thinking they are smarter and craftier than anyone else.

Be aware of manipulative behavior by remaining vigilant in your dealings with others. Remain positive and confident while sending positivity and encouragement to these individuals. This could be the difference in changing their perspective along with their behavior.

2. They are moving fast.

Manipulators try to get you hooked fast through sweet talk and a false sense of interest. That is how they build trust and form a bond. It enables them to use us emotionally once the real motive of the relationship becomes clear.

Among the simpler ways to find a hidden manipulator is to look for simple signs that show somebody only appears worried if something or someone will affect their desired outcome. Manipulators struggle with maintaining the “right kind” of associations because desired outcomes are everything to them, and they care about how other people think to have control.

Take note of your friends’ feelings when you recommend something. Undercover manipulators could harshly react when they don’t agree with you or when criticized.

3. If they play on your emotions, it could be manipulation.

Emotionally, spiritually, and physically, seduction is a manipulator’s tool. A manipulator likes to play on heightened emotions to engage you in behaviors that benefit them. They gather people who will serve their need to be in control, whether through a romantic relationship, a close friendship, or a strategic partnership. They make being with them fun and exciting at first, and then they shift the focus of the relationship onto them and their needs.

4. They quickly grow impatient.

Impatience can be defined as (1) irritable behavior that results from delays or (2) a restless need for change and excitement. The display of impatient behavior is often tied into someone’s goals; specifically, anything that hinders or aggravates the person in active pursuit of these goals. These goals could range from getting ahead of you at the drive-thru to getting that promotion at work.

As with stubbornness, we all tend to be impatient at times. However, some individuals take impatience to the extreme. These individuals detest being held up at any time, anywhere, for almost any reason. They will manipulate any situation to come out on top.

Impatience is a trait that develops from early negative experiences, misunderstanding the nature of self and others, and a persistent sense of insecurity. Early negative experiences often happen during childhood. In many cases, the child was often barred from having a normal social experience resulting in the sense of “missing out.”

When dealing with an impatient person, it is important to understand how they “tick.” For example, these individuals prefer to be in control. They become angry, annoyed, and frustrated when they are not in firm control. The best way to deal with the behavior is to be polite but direct. Do not beat around the bush with impatient people; this will get you nowhere.

5. You are always portrayed as “the bad guy.”

While this might seem a little overboard, emotional manipulators habitually make you look like the bad guy and twist their words to fit any agenda. You might start to believe sometimes that you have done something wrong when in reality, you have fallen victim to their terrible scheme.

To make sure you can show them what they said in prior conversations, jot down any details you think they might conveniently change later to justify their behavior. They may also try to convince you they never said a certain thing, but you can prove they did with the notes you take.

Get smart about protecting yourself from their wrath; they may soon get discouraged from using you as their emotional toy.

5 Food Combinations You Need to Avoid

September 29, 2015 by Power of Positivity

For the most part, mealtime combines different types of food to create a variety of nutritional components that tend to taste good together. We’ve been taught from an early age to have a plate with a protein, a starch, and a vegetable.

Now we might not stick to that exact food combination formula but we combine our foods in all sorts of ways. We put fruit in our salads and top our meat with dairy and compotes. Sure these combinations might help us get our daily recommended allowances for proteins, fruits and vegetables, but is it good for us?

Dr. Wayne Pickering, a naturopathic physician, doesn’t think so. He says, “Improper food combining is one of the primary factors that cause gas, flatulence, heartburn, and upset stomach. What’s worse, poor digestion can also contribute to malnutrition, even if you think you’re eating a decent diet.”

Dr. Pickering believes our bodies are designed to be healthy. And if we follow some natural eating principles, our bodies will not only maintain its health but heal itself when needed.

“Nutrition doesn’t heal. It doesn’t cure. It doesn’t do anything,” Dr. Pickering says. “It’s a science though, and it never changes. Here’s what nutrition is: it’s a series of four processes that your body employs to make food materials for the body to use.”

There are three major food combining rules you should consider when eating.

No proteins and starches in the same meal.

No fruits and vegetables in the same meal.

Always eat melon alone.

With those rules in mind, here are five food combinations you want to avoid eating:

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Spaghetti and meatballs are a classic protein-starch combination that inhibits proper digestion. Because protein and starches are digested differently by the body, the body is forced to choose to digest the protein allowing the starch to sit in the stomach and ferment. Try eating your spaghetti with lightly sauteed vegetables instead or topping a salad with some meatballs.

Prosciutto and Melon

Prosciutto and melon are a very popular appetizer today. Unfortunately, it is recommended that melon be eaten alone. Melons do not digest well when paired with other foods. It is best to eat them as a snack or as an appetizer without any sides.

Turkey and Cranberry Sauce

While a lovely combination for the taste buds around the holidays, fruit and meat do not mix well when it comes to keeping the digestive system happy. Fruit does not require digestion, and much like starch it will sit in your gut and ferment while your body is busy breaking down the protein. Think about using cranberries as an appetizer instead.

Ham and Cheese Omelette

Protein-rich combinations put an enormous strain on your digestive system. Focus on one protein per meal to decrease the energy and time needed for proper digestion. One single concentrated protein per meal is easier to digest and won’t require as much energy. A vegetable omelet is a good alternative.

Charcuterie Plate/Board

A common appetizer found on many menus, A charcuterie board appears to be a healthy and wholesome choice. Mixing fruit, meat, dairy, and candied nuts will drain your energy and leave you bloated. Choose between a fruit plate or vegetable plate instead.

Besides food combinations, Dr. Pickering also suggests that when you eat your foods and the amount of foods you eat are also important.

For instance:

Breakfast: Eat the largest amount of the least concentrated foods. Fruits are ideal for your morning meal.

Lunch: Eat less than the morning and focus on complex carbohydrates. Starchy carbs are a good choice for your midday meal.

Dinner: Smaller portions are a rule of thumb for evening and should be heavy in protein.

We tend to choose our food combinations based on how good they taste together. The question is, what is more, important, the taste or how you feel for hours, sometimes even days following a meal?

We’ve mentioned some of the short-term effects of less than ideal food combinations but what about the long-term effects? Bad food combinations can lead to chronic bad breath, inflammation, poor sleep, lack of energy and long-term digestion issues.

Everyone is different, and everyone’s body will respond differently to bad food combinations. Discomfort following a meal seems to be accepted as part of a good meal, but would you make the same dietary choices knowing you can alleviate the discomfort?

Use the simple food combination advice presented here for two weeks and see how you feel.

It certainly can’t hurt, but it definitely may help you have more energy, better sleep, and you might even find yourself a bit lighter when stepping on the scale. The only way to know if food combining is right for you is to give it a try.

8 Toxic Habits That Block Happiness

September 29, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Happiness is a great goal to have. There isn’t anybody that would turn down more happiness in their lives if it were offered. The thing that many people fail to see is happiness is close – closer than they realize.

To become happier, we go out in search of habits or formulas “guaranteed” to make us happier. And when they don’t work we spend time wondering why. We were work towards becoming happier, but we often forget to evaluate some of our existing behaviors.

Sometimes happiness happens when we make small subtle shifts in the activities that fill our day.

These 8 negative habits can block us from happiness.

Being Envious of What Others Have

Being happy happens when we appreciate what we have. Envy about what other people have is a sign we aren’t happy with what we have and are not living from a place of gratitude.

When we set our sights on having a life that someone else is living, our goal isn’t really to improve our life, it’s to negate the other person’s achievements. To be happy we should be living in support of others and their accomplishments, not trying to diminish them.

Getting Caught Up in Other People’s Drama

Many times we find ourselves getting involved in a situation under the pretense of wanting to help. We want to fix things when often times it’s not our place to do the fixing.

It’s almost as if we are addicted to the chaos, the victimizing, the “woe is me” syndrome and when life is going good, we go out looking for drama. We are looking for a “cause.” Learn to be comfortable in the quiet, uneventful times of our lives and leave other people’s drama to them.

Constantly Finding an Excuse

When your happiness is tied to an external circumstance it becomes an excuse. A job, lack of money or a bad relationship is never the cause of unhappiness. It is simply the excuse we give ourselves.

Happiness doesn’t come from something we do or achieve. It happens when we are truly grateful for our life, knowing where we are today is just one step on the path to where we’re headed.

Forgetting to Make Time for Exercise

There is a variety of reasons why exercise should be part of our daily routine. There is also a variety of reasons why it isn’t; there isn’t enough time, we’re too tired or we don’t have the willpower to make it happen.

Besides the benefits of exercise on our overall health, exercise releases endorphins in our body and endorphins make us feel good. A happier outlook on life is just an exercise session away, literally.

Complaining Without Action

There’s venting and then there’s complaining and the difference is in the action we take. There will always be challenges that frustrate us, but constant complaining serves no purpose except to keep us in a negative space.

Turn complaints into a venting session by ending with the action necessary to move forward. It’s the action that moves us back to the center. Even if that action is to realize there is nothing we can do and agreeing to let it go.

Being Consumed by Worry and Stress

Most of what we worry about never comes to fruition and yet we continue to worry anyway. A calm mind can be unsettling to someone who thrives on action and activity.

Allowing ourselves to be consumed by worry and stress often gives us the sense that we are active and involved when the reality is we are just creating more friction that moves us further away from happiness.

When worry and stress are consuming, start by taking some sort of action. Just doing something can fulfill your need for activity in a positive way and will begin to allow you to let go of the worry.

Spending Too Much Time Alone

Meaningful relationships make us happier which requires us to spend time fostering the relationships that matter to us. Spending time alone is necessary for us to stay true to our authentic self, but spending too much time alone takes away from creating connections that will help us grow and evolve. It’s important to take the time we need to recharge and equally important to get out in the community and be social.

Searching For Your Passion

Thinking happiness will come when we find our passion is a mistake. Happy people haven’t found their passion, they bring passion to everything they do.

Passion comes from an appreciation of life and the world around us and it’s an attitude that we bring into our work, our homes, and our relationships.

It doesn’t necessarily reflect our love or dislike for a certain thing. It’s actually the reflection of love and appreciation for ourselves on this day and in this moment.

In the end, staying true to our story and our life is what will eventually lead us to a happier place.

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The Four Step Plan To Achieving Your Dreams:

Wish:

Whatever your dream is, make sure you really want it in your heart, and hold it there.

Outcome:

Obstacles:

Plan:

Here are 3 behaviors that ruin relationships:

Withdrawal from communication (and/or emotional unavailability)

Comparing the relationship to the relationships of others

Holding on to grudges and resentments

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

5 Signs You’re Stronger Than You Think

You Focus on What You Can Change

You Don’t Care What Others Think

You Aren’t Afraid of Failure

You Have a “Yes” Mentality

You See the Value in the Little Things in Life

5 signs someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. They have a history of manipulating others.

2. They are moving fast.

3. If they play on your emotions, it could be manipulation.

4. They quickly grow impatient.

5. You are always portrayed as “the bad guy.”

There are three major food combining rules you should consider when eating.

With those rules in mind, here are five food combinations you want to avoid eating:

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Prosciutto and Melon

Turkey and Cranberry Sauce

Ham and Cheese Omelette

Charcuterie Plate/Board

These 8 negative habits can block us from happiness.

Being Envious of What Others Have

Getting Caught Up in Other People’s Drama

Constantly Finding an Excuse

Forgetting to Make Time for Exercise

Complaining Without Action

Being Consumed by Worry and Stress

Spending Too Much Time Alone

Searching For Your Passion

The Community

Our Free Community of Positively Powerful SuperFans

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