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8 Toxic Habits That Block Happiness

Happiness is a great goal to have. There isn’t anybody that would turn down more happiness in their lives if it were offered. The thing that many people fail to see is happiness is close – closer than they realize.

To become happier, we go out in search of habits or formulas “guaranteed” to make us happier. And when they don’t work we spend time wondering why. We were work towards becoming happier, but we often forget to evaluate some of our existing behaviors.

Sometimes happiness happens when we make small subtle shifts in the activities that fill our day.

These 8 negative habits can block us from happiness.

Being Envious of What Others Have

Being happy happens when we appreciate what we have. Envy about what other people have is a sign we aren’t happy with what we have and are not living from a place of gratitude.

When we set our sights on having a life that someone else is living, our goal isn’t really to improve our life, it’s to negate the other person’s achievements. To be happy we should be living in support of others and their accomplishments, not trying to diminish them.

Getting Caught Up in Other People’s Drama

Many times we find ourselves getting involved in a situation under the pretense of wanting to help. We want to fix things when often times it’s not our place to do the fixing.

It’s almost as if we are addicted to the chaos, the victimizing, the “woe is me” syndrome and when life is going good, we go out looking for drama. We are looking for a “cause.” Learn to be comfortable in the quiet, uneventful times of our lives and leave other people’s drama to them.

Constantly Finding an Excuse

When your happiness is tied to an external circumstance it becomes an excuse. A job, lack of money or a bad relationship is never the cause of unhappiness. It is simply the excuse we give ourselves.

Happiness doesn’t come from something we do or achieve. It happens when we are truly grateful for our life, knowing where we are today is just one step on the path to where we’re headed.

Forgetting to Make Time for Exercise

There is a variety of reasons why exercise should be part of our daily routine. There is also a variety of reasons why it isn’t; there isn’t enough time, we’re too tired or we don’t have the willpower to make it happen.

Besides the benefits of exercise on our overall health, exercise releases endorphins in our body and endorphins make us feel good. A happier outlook on life is just an exercise session away, literally.

Complaining Without Action

There’s venting and then there’s complaining and the difference is in the action we take. There will always be challenges that frustrate us, but constant complaining serves no purpose except to keep us in a negative space.

Turn complaints into a venting session by ending with the action necessary to move forward. It’s the action that moves us back to the center. Even if that action is to realize there is nothing we can do and agreeing to let it go.

Being Consumed by Worry and Stress

Most of what we worry about never comes to fruition and yet we continue to worry anyway. A calm mind can be unsettling to someone who thrives on action and activity.

Allowing ourselves to be consumed by worry and stress often gives us the sense that we are active and involved when the reality is we are just creating more friction that moves us further away from happiness.

When worry and stress are consuming, start by taking some sort of action. Just doing something can fulfill your need for activity in a positive way and will begin to allow you to let go of the worry.

Spending Too Much Time Alone

Meaningful relationships make us happier which requires us to spend time fostering the relationships that matter to us. Spending time alone is necessary for us to stay true to our authentic self, but spending too much time alone takes away from creating connections that will help us grow and evolve. It’s important to take the time we need to recharge and equally important to get out in the community and be social.

Searching For Your Passion

Thinking happiness will come when we find our passion is a mistake. Happy people haven’t found their passion, they bring passion to everything they do.

Passion comes from an appreciation of life and the world around us and it’s an attitude that we bring into our work, our homes, and our relationships.

It doesn’t necessarily reflect our love or dislike for a certain thing. It’s actually the reflection of love and appreciation for ourselves on this day and in this moment.

In the end, staying true to our story and our life is what will eventually lead us to a happier place.

Watching People Hear For The First Time Brought Me To Tears

It’s incredible the little things we take for granted in life.  And watching people do something we consider as simple as hearing for the first time will make anyone re-evaluate the things we genuinely need to be grateful for.

Have you ever had an ear infection that impaired your hearing temporarily? It is a frustrating experience that most people can identify with. You can’t hear others clearly, nor can you hear your own words. While your situation might have come from a short-term infection, millions of others live that way permanently. Some people have hearing loss or deafness from birth, while others develop it with age or because of a lifetime of working in a noisy environment.

We take for granted so many sounds that play like background music to our lives–the first cry of a newborn baby, the sound of our loved ones’ voices, and birds singing on a springtime morning. But now, the reality of a life of silence is changing, thanks to modern-day technology like cochlear implants. These new implants are sophisticated hearing aids embedded inside the ear. They enable people with hearing loss or deafness to enjoy life more fully than in the past. Watching people in the video below is so touching–you will want to watch it repeatedly.

Before we start watching people hear for the first time, here are some things to know.

watching people

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines hearing loss as the following:

“A person is said to have hearing loss if they are not able to hear as well as someone with normal hearing, meaning hearing thresholds of twenty dB or better in both ears.”

WHO experts further explain how hearing loss ranges from mild to moderate challenges like low hearing or tinnitus to profound deafness.

Hearing loss and deafness can lead to numerous negative outcomes in individuals, including these:

  • Feelings of social isolation, especially in large groups.
  • Frustration at missing important conversations.
  • Loneliness when hearing people don’t include them.
  • Learning loss or delays often occur in children who are not diagnosed properly.

The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders provides some eye-opening statistics on hearing loss and deafness in America.

  • 37.5 million over the age of eighteen have hearing difficulties
  • As of December of 2019, approximately 801,900 Americans had received cochlear implants–118,100 adults and 65,000 children.
  • 28.8 million American adults may benefit from hearing aids.
  • Ninety percent of children born deaf have hearing parents.
  • Two or three out of every thousand children in the United States have some level of hearing loss in one or both ears at birth.

hearing loss

Final Thought: Do we take the gift of hearing for granted?

The numbers mentioned above should certainly make everyone who has never experienced deafness appreciate the gift of hearing and see it in an entirely new light. Watch this video–it is so uplifting. Watching people hear sounds for the first time will make you thankful for your abilities and also more aware of how you can advocate for those with hearing disabilities.

 

Which Type Of Introvert Are You?

Did you know there are actually four different types of introvert types?

The introvert personality has been misunderstood for quite some time now. But since scientists have become more interested and intrigued with introversion, more accurate information about introverts has started to surface.

When people think of an introvert, they usually think of someone who doesn’t have social skills, doesn’t like people, and have a self-centered and cold demeanor. However, researchers have started to dispel the stereotypes and paint a clearer picture of the introverted personality type. Since the topic of introversion started to become more mainstream in the past few years, psychologist Jonathan Cheek began to notice that he and his colleagues defined introversion totally differently than most people did.

“When you survey a person on the street, asking them to define introversion, what comes up as the prototypical characteristics … are things like thoughtful or introspective,” said Cheek, a psychology professor at Wellesley College.

Studies That Examine the Introvert Personality

introverts

According to scientific studies, however, these words don’t accurately describe an introvert. If you look deeper into the psychology of personality types, you will usually find more information about what introversion isn’t rather than what it truly is. One’s level of enthusiasm and assertiveness can usually discern an introvert from an extrovert, but the subject is still much more complex than that.

In the early 1980s, a study highlighted the disparities between the scientific and common sense definitions of introversion, which showed scientists that much work still had to be done in personality psychology. As Cheek and his colleagues, graduate students Jennifer Grimes and Courtney Brown, studied the topic further, they realized that many people, including introverts they interviewed, had very different ideas of what it meant to be an introvert.

They realized that it seemed narrow-minded and limiting just to define introverts by one or two characteristics, so the team of researchers now believes that there are four different types of introversion: social, thinking, anxious, and restrained. Remember that many introverts fall into more than one of these categories.

Cheek named his model after the first letter of the various types of introverts: STAR. He came up with this by surveying 500 adults aged 18 to 70, asking them questions about how much time they spent in solitude and how often they tended to daydream. The only aspect the following types have in common is the tendency to turn inward rather than outward for stimulation. But other than that, you can see that introversion is much more complex.

Here are the four different types of introverts:

Social:

Social introverts prefer socializing in small groups rather than large ones, which fits most people’s beliefs about introverts. Sometimes these introverts don’t want to socialize at all. Instead, they choose to spend time alone rather than in any group. This rings true, especially for those who score high in social introversion.

“They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers,” Cheek said.

This differs from shyness, though, because this type of introvert enjoys solitude and small groups without feeling anxious about socializing.

Thinking:

A thinking introvert doesn’t mind socializing at events. However, they carry several traits that people usually associate with an introvert. They have a high level of introspection, self-reflection, and thoughtfulness and usually have an expansive imagination.

“You’re capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world,” Cheek said. “But it’s not in a neurotic way, it’s in an imaginative and creative way.”

Anxious:

An anxious introvert will spend much of their time alone. That’s because they feel socially awkward around others, especially in large groups. This differs greatly from the social introverts who prefer spending time alone but don’t feel uncomfortable around others. An anxious introvert doesn’t have much faith in their own social skills and get self-conscious easily. However, this type of introvert doesn’t feel relief when they spend time in solitude. Instead, they will mull over their thoughts many times and fixate on things that have or could turn into the worst-case scenario.

introverted person

Restrained:

Finally, the restrained introvert can otherwise be described as reserved. This type takes longer to process their environment. They also spend a great deal of time thinking about their words before they speak. They run slower than other types of introverts. Also, they don’t feel rushed by the fast pace of the world around them.

Even though Cheek’s ideas about the four shades of introversion haven’t been widely tested and studied, they still have opened the door wider for an insightful discussion about what it means to be an introvert. Cheek doesn’t want to change the public’s definition of introversion, per se. Rather, he just wants to build on that definition and allow introverts to understand their demeanor more.

“Many people do not feel identified or understood just by the label introversion as it’s used in the culture or by psychologists. It doesn’t do the job — it helps a little bit, but it just doesn’t get you very far,” Cheek said. “It turns out to be more of a beginning.”

If you’d like to know which of these types of introverts you are, take this quiz to find out!

5 Ways To Turn Weakness Into Willpower

As Oscar Wilde once said: “I can resist anything except temptation.”

That’s something most of us can relate to. If you’re not one of us, then well done.

For the rest of us, though, there will come a time when we need to ‘not’ do something we want to do. Don’t smoke that cigarette, don’t eat that cake, or skip the soda!

As nice as life is, it is often one long list of temptations that need to be avoided. So what do we do when we are having trouble saying “no” or are fearful of trying something new? We dig deep for the willpower to push us through. Sometimes that’s easier said than done.

To help us out, here are five ways to strengthen our willpower:

1. Plan the outcome

In the words of Greg S. Reid: “A dream written down with a date becomes a goal. A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by action makes your dreams come true.”

There are three critical components of that statement:

Writing it down.

Breaking it down.

Taking action.

We are often guilty of short-term thinking, only seeing what is in front of us. Instead, we should be looking at a bigger picture. So start by writing it down. It will help you become crystal clear about the direction you want to head. Then break it down into manageable parts, so the big goal seems attainable. Then, find the willpower within to take the first step and when you do, your willpower will grow stronger. It’s like a muscle, and it gets better with exercise. So exercise it!

2. Avoid it!

Avoid situations where there is a need to make tough decisions. Tough decisions will deplete willpower fast. For example, a person who wishes to stop drinking would do well to avoid bars for a while. However, hanging out at the juice bar at the gym will help strengthen willpower, because there isn’t a difficult choice to make.

3. Reward yourself.

Yes, when we do good things we like to be rewarded. Collect the money saved from not buying that packet of cigarettes. Collect in a jar and keep it visible. After a period, take the money and splurge on something frivolous like a spa day or new pair of boots. Like any other goals you have written down, focus on them, visualize them and embed that picture in your mind, permanently.

You strengthen your willpower when you remain focused on positive results. Draw on those feelings of success when faced with difficult choices, and you’re more likely to choose wisely.

4. Be accountable.

Accountability partners are a great way to strengthen our willpower because we are more likely to do what we are supposed to do when we have to report back to someone. The added benefit is we get to call on the willpower of our partner when our willpower is lacking. Friends can achieve a lot together; that’s why they’re friends, and everyone can find a friend or a colleague who has similar goals.

Look at it another way; there is a reason that ‘clubs’ are popular, things like gyms, weight watchers, etc.  They will keep us honest, grounded, and moving forward.  Now, you don’t necessarily need to join a club; just gather a few friends and set up an accountability group.

5. Stay the course.

If there have been times in the past when we have fallen at the feet of temptation, remember those times and gather strength from them. We should never, ever, take our eye off the prize. Think about it; what changed?  Was it:

The goal? Unlikely.

The dream holiday? Unlikely.

The dream dress we’re trying to squeeze into? Unlikely.

Any other goal? Unlikely.

Instead, we probably gave in to temptation once, then twice, then three times and soon realized we failed. So we gave up. We will continue to fail until the time we don’t and that time maybe the next time.

Making change is hard. In fact, we are designed to resist change. So it might be unrealistic to think we can get there on the first try. But with each try and a clear focus on the goal, you will build the willpower to keep trying until you get it right.

Face it, without a little failure we would have no stories to tell or lessons to learn. Think once again about the goal and measure the triumphs one step at a time. When we stay the course, make a plan, avoid situations that will make things more challenging, find some friends, and then reward ourselves for each step, we will soon learn the day of achieving our big goals is closer than we think.

Do You Think With Your Head or Your Heart?

Have you ever thought about whether you are thinking with your head or your heart? Of course you have! There have certainly been moments in all of our lives when we have stopped and pondered just which part of us was making a decision.

Is thinking with one better than the other?

To find the answer, we need to consider the types of decisions we make. In many ways, it does not matter what the decision relates to, a new love, a new jacket or a new fridge; the decision process is largely the same.

Let’s take a look at dinner. What’s for dinner on a Sunday night is probably a heart decision. We sleep in and get up late, have a leisurely breakfast, then later on see what you feel like eating. Monday on the other hand, after a hard day’s work; is most definitely a decision of the head, with the decision often being made at the door of the freezer!

Technologically, let’s say you’re buying a new laptop computer. You weigh all of the options: RAM, gigabytes, screen size, and you think about what you need it for, etc. The white one has all of the specs you need, and it is the right price. But there’s a blue one over there, and it’s lovely – and only $30 more! Hmmm, you decide.

head or your heart

So, do you think with your head or your heart?

A recent study questioned people about where their decision-making was: the head or your heart. The results are interesting but, initially may not shed too much light on your personality. In a nutshell: The ‘heart’ people are emotional, and the ‘head’ people are logical. They also suggest that: “we might expect people, overall, to be more head-located while in class or studying, and heart-located while interacting with friends or family.”

While this makes sense on paper, it’s how we use this understanding to help us make more balanced decisions. Generally, the ‘heart’ person looks at most things from an emotional standpoint. They will weigh all the options, and it may take a little bit too long to decide.

This becomes complicated as many small decisions require a lot of effort, which ends up just putting the decision off until another time. As Will Ferrell once tweeted: “I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.”

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you think with your head or your heart:

It should come as no surprise to learn that ‘heart’ people tend to like being part of groups with plenty of opportunities for discussion and opinion. Some of the questions they might ask include:

  • How will it look?
  • How will it feel?
  • What will it match?
  • Is he or she my type?

The ‘head’ person, on the other hand, is usually the more logical of the two. This person prefers to be autonomous and has little difficulty rationalizing many options to come to a decision. There’s a plan in place and whether or not it is in motion, many decisions are made based on this plan.

That is not to say that the ‘head’ person does not value the opinions of others, they certainly do; but after all is said and done, it was always going to their decision.

Remember the plan is their central focus and just because they are out dancing tonight does not mean they won’t be in class tomorrow and won’t blow the week’s budget on clothes. Speaking of class, the ‘head’ person also tends to do well academically and is at risk of occasionally coming across as cold; even though rational does not mean unfeeling.

Head thinkers also tend to be less stressed out, and you can easily imagine the kind of careers they are drawn to.

head or your heart

So which one are you?

Do you identify more with Oprah Winfrey or Warren Buffet? Are you Mr. Spock or Captain Kirk?

Or maybe you’re like Albert Einstein, who said, “Logic will get you from A to B; Imagination will take you everywhere.” He clearly had time for both thinkers of the head and of the heart.

Identifying whether you are a head or heart thinker is probably easy. The real balance comes when you listen to what both your head and your heart are telling you.

Finally, remember this. There will be times when you are torn and don’t know what to decide. These are times when neither your head nor your heart can help you. You ponder and pause and ponder again, examine all the angles, and still can come to a decision, neither logically nor emotionally. That’s when we ask what our gut is telling us.

5 Ways To Find Your Life Purpose Today

One of the very basic definitions of a happy life is a life full of meaning. There is a reason we exist, and everyone has talents that are theirs to share with the world. It’s those talents that give our life purpose. One of the biggest reasons people stay stuck in a life they don’t love is because they have yet to discover the meaning of their life and find their purpose.

Our life purpose is unique to us. What’s not unique is taking on someone else’s purpose. We are beings influenced by the happenings around us. As a result, it is not unusual to take on the things that matter to those around us. This happens because of the pressure around us to find and live our purpose. It can make us feel like we are not measuring up if we are struggling to find our life purpose.

Here are some things to consider as you set about discovering your purpose:

  • Our life purpose is found through our curiosity. Try new things, read books, experiment with life and see what happens.
  • Our purpose can change. As we evolve and grow as human beings, so do the things that bring us joy and feed our soul.
  • Our life purpose is something we will steal time for. It doesn’t matter how tired we are; we will find the time.
  • We are on this earth to support our life purpose; our purpose is not designed to support us.

So how do you know if you are living your life purpose, someone else’s life purpose or living with no purpose?

Here are five ways to find your life purpose today:

(Fair warning, these exercises while appearing simple on the surface, can be challenging as we begin to dig deep. We will get out of them what we put into them. So find some space where you can quiet the world around you and contemplate the big questions).

Exercise #1: The Three Lists

Make three lists. List #1 includes all of the things we are good at; list #2 includes all the things we enjoy doing; list #3 includes everything we do that is meaningful and feeds our soul. List as many things as possible on each list and then look for common themes among them.

Exercise #2: But, Why?

Draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper. The first column in the “what” and the second column is the “why.” We’ll begin by writing all the things we spend time doing in the what column – work, hobbies, errands, interests, chores, etc. When we have a list that adequately represents our daily life, we’ll go to the second column and start writing why we do it. When we have all the whys, go back over the list and circle the five things that bring us joy and are most important. Our purpose will begin to present itself, but don’t be afraid to keep questioning why.

Exercise #3: The “Four Aims”

In the Hindu tradition there are four aims to progress in life:

  • Dharma or duty
  • Artha or prosperity
  • Kama or pleasure
  • Moksha or freedom

Think of what each of those four aims means and write down five things that would be enjoyable to do in support of each one. Look at the four aims and the lists and rank them in order of enjoyment and personal fulfillment. As we start to prioritize what we enjoy and what brings meaning, we will begin to uncover our purpose.

Exercise #4: Visualize Your Future Self

Let’s start by asking questions about what the future version of ourselves looks like. It might take several days to create our true vision, and we should let it take shape in its own time.

Start by answering these questions:

  • What does she like to do?
  • How does she spend her time?
  • How does she relax?
  • What is important to her?
  • What gives her life meaning?
  • What makes her happiest?

We are creating the man or woman we want to become, and more importantly, the person we want to guide us. When we have a solid vision of this future self, we can begin to seek guidance from her with questions like these:

  • What do I need to know to get from where I am to where you are?
  • What are the biggest lessons you have learned over the past ten years?

It’s okay if our future self evolves and changes over time because we are evolving and changing, and so are our needs. Keep coming back to this exercise to make sure our future self is growing with us.

Make a vision board to envision your future self
click here to learn how to create one

Exercise #5: Watch TED Talks

There is so much inspirational and motivational content on TED, that it isn’t hard to quickly learn what topics we enjoy, which ones we seek out, and what lights the fire within. Not only will we find the things that light us up, but we will also see living with purpose modeled on a large scale.

We shouldn’t put too much pressure on ourselves to find our “one purpose.” We can have more than one, and none of them has to be the reason we go to work each day. Work has its place, but our life purpose is something bigger. Give it time, respect and honor it by not forcing it to do anything other than make us feel whole.

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