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20 Quotes That Will Stop An Argument In Its Tracks

As a society, we tend to lose our ability to debate without getting angry. Instead, we find ourselves drawing lines in the sand around our beliefs. So we might forget to listen to the other side of the story. An argument begins when a disagreement has the promise of compromise.

Most arguments these days result from two people trying to prove how right they are. There is no compromise. And instead, damaged relationships result. Nobody wins anything. There is no point in having creative ideas and innovative thoughts when we can’t convince someone else to listen. Thus, we can persuade them to consider an alternative point of view.

To have a good and fair argument, we must remain calm, respectful, and committed to listening and hearing our opponent’s point of view. We have a much better chance of a fair fight when we start there. If our opponent doesn’t share the same commitment to productive arguing, it is probably wise to consider walking away.

When to walk away from an argument

Walk away from any argument when the opponent chooses not to listen respectfully or when they exhibit anger, frustration or become verbally abusive. There is no “winning” an argument when the situation isn’t based on respectful communication. The other thing to remember is winning doesn’t come from changing someone’s mind; it comes from presenting a logical, factual, and meaningful discussion to support your point of view.

It’s hard to remember to take the high road in an argument, especially when we want others to understand and validate our point of view. But take the high road we must. And something as simple as a quote can remind us not to engage in a disagreement that isn’t going anywhere. When we begin to recognize the signs, we can make better choices and stop quarrels before they get out of hand.

argument

Here are twenty quotes that will stop an argument in its tracks:

“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” ~ Desmond Tutu

“The silence is the worst part of any fight, because it’s made up of all the things we wish we could say, if only we had the guts.” ~ Pete Wentz, Gray

“Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create goodwill, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” ~ Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

“If men would consider not so much wherein they differ, as wherein they agree, there would be far less of uncharitableness and angry feeling.” ~ Joseph Addison

“A lot of arguments can be avoided if we simply stop and think about our response before we say it.” ~ Charles Harper

“The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Arguments, like men are often pretenders.” ~ Plato

“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” ~ Joseph Joubert

“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or emotional appeal.” ~ Marilyn Ferguson

“Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand.” ~ Colin Powell

“Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.” ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance.” ~ Robert Quillen

“Be able to defend your arguments in a rational way. Otherwise, all you have is an opinion.” ~ Marilyn vos Savant

“A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about.” ~ Miguel de Unamuno

“Neither irony or sarcasm is argument.” ~ Samuel Butler

“People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.” ~ Will Rogers

“Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless scrutiny of logic.” ~ William E. Gladstone

“Don’t take the wrong side of an argument just because your opponent has taken the right side.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

“I passionately believe that’s it’s not just what you say that counts, it’s also how you say it – that the success of your argument critically depends on your manner of presenting it.” ~ Alain de Botton

“Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

“Why do people always assume that volume will succeed when logic won’t?” ~ L.J. Smith, Nightfall

10 Foods That Are Hurting Your Brain

In our world today, we constantly get bombarded with images and commercials advertising delicious, tempting, unhealthy foods. Our society seems more focused on making ends meet, even at the cost of having an overweight, nutrient-deficient, lethargic population. Many of us work long hours, and don’t feel like making healthy foods when we get home. We want something quick, easy, and readily available to us, which usually means TV dinners and fast food.

Staying on track with a diet can seem utterly impossible when you walk into a store filled with more toxic, chemical-laden, nutrient-poor foods than healthy, nutritious, nurturing foods. Indeed, some things in moderation won’t really damage your health. However, consuming them regularly can cause serious, even fatal, diseases. To have optimal health, you should avoid the following foods at all costs, or at least eat them very sparingly.

Here are 10 foods that are hurting your brain:

healthy foods

1. Tuna

In a study performed earlier this year, University of Michigan researchers reported that mercury levels in yellowfin tuna had increased almost 4 percent annually from 1998 to 2008. Regular exposure to mercury can cause serious, sometimes irreversible, brain and nervous system damage. Our oceans have become contaminated with a dangerous cocktail of environmental pollutants, which the marine life inevitably absorb. When we consume seafood nowadays, most of it will contain several toxic heavy metals which our bodies simply don’t digest or absorb properly.

An analysis by health experts at the magazine Consumer Reports found that a 140 pound woman would exceed safe mercury exposure by consuming just 4.5 ounces of tuna per week. A 48 pound child who eats more than one-third a can of tuna per week, or the equivalent of the amount on a single tuna sandwich, could suffer permanent brain damage from mercury exposure.

If you do choose to eat tuna, go for canned light tuna rather than albacore, as this kind contains less mercury. Better yet, you could cut out seafood entirely, or go for shrimp, scallops, sardines, or wild and Alaskan salmon, which all have low levels of mercury.

2. Partially hydrogenated oils

If you see hydrogenated oils on a label, please do yourself a favor and put the product back on the shelf. Hydrogenated oils have no place in the human body, and some studies have even found that the oils leave scars on the internal walls of the arteries due to nickel often used in the hydrogenation process. That’s right; partially hydrogenated oils contain a catalyst to heat the oil up faster Furthermore, manufacturers employ nickel, platinum, or even aluminum in the process. Heavy metals such as these have been linked to Alzheimer’s and other mental problems, so anything with partially hydrogenated oils should be avoided at all costs.

Hydrogenated oil is only one molecule away from plastic, so think about the adverse effects you could experience from consuming this toxic man-made concoction.

3. Sugar

Of course. naturally occurring sugar from fruits and starches is perfectly fine to consume. But when manufacturers extract them and add them back into processed foods, then it becomes a problem. Refined sugar, for one, doesn’t contain any nutritional benefits, so it’s just empty calories at the end of the day. In various studies, refined sugar has also been linked to an increase in anxiety, depression, and addiction, and a decrease in learning and memory.

4. Fructose

Naturally occurring fructose found in fruit will not harm your health; it only becomes an issue when you eat fructose out of its natural state, such as in boxed or canned foods. Consuming too much processed fructose can lead to insulin resistance, obesity, diabetes, a fatty liver, high blood pressure, and much, much more. Not to mention, fructose can cause neural activity to stagnate for up to 20 minutes, according to a 2011 study on the impact of glucose and fructose on the brain.

5. Saturated fats

Most people know that a diet high in saturated fat can clog the arteries and contribute to heart disease and strokes, but did you know that a diet heavy in saturated fat can impair cognitive function as well? A study published in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology found that consuming large amounts of saturated fat can lead to reduced cognitive function and also a dulling of the dopamine reward system, increasing dependency and addiction to unhealthy foods.

According to Stephanie Fulton, a professor at the University of Montreal’s Department of Nutrition,

“Our research shows that independent of weight gain and obesity, high-fat feeding can cause impairments in the functioning of the brain circuitry profoundly implicated in mood disorders, drug addiction, and overeating — several states and pathologies that impinge on motivation and hedonia.”

6. Processed foods

Processed foods usually have a laundry list of chemicals, some of which have been linked to mental and behavioral disorders. Aside from the dangers of the ingredients, a study published in the Journal of Clinical Investigation in 2012 showed how a diet high in fatty processed foods can even damage the hypothalamus. That’s a part of the brain that regulates hunger and thirst levels.

7. Fast food

More and more studies have been published about the detrimental effects of fast food on the body, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise why fast foods can cause so much damage. These “foods” have been stripped of almost all nutrients, and altered drastically from their natural state. A better way to describe them is food-like substances. That’s because these culinary inventions really don’t resemble food at all. Fast foods lack many vitamins and minerals, including iron; iron deficiency might lead to poorer scores on tests in students who regularly consume fast food.

8. Microwave popcorn

Another highly processed food, this one causes even more damage due to the way in which one must prepare it. Besides toxic chemicals and additives, the  microwave strips the food of any nutrients that might be left. Further, it increases white blood cell levels and creates carcinogens. Not to mention, the radioactive emissions generated from the microwave can lead to a slew of mental health problems.

9. Cookies and chips

Another form of refined, processed food, cookies and chips have pretty much zero nutritional benefits, but add on unnecessary calories. If you want a snack, go for some fresh fruit or vegetables. You will avoid all the chemicals and extra sugar in these highly addictive foods.

10. Corn syrup

According to a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, consuming drinks or foods with high fructose corn syrup disrupts the part of the brain that tells us when we’re full, which leads to eating or drinking unneeded calories. Also, consuming free fructose (not in fruit) is just as addictive as drugs. In fact, food marketers all over the place likely know this. Thus, they use this to take advantage of us.

To achieve optimal mental health, try to avoid these foods or severely limit them in your diet.

5 Things Trustworthy People Do Differently

Trust is the building block of any successful relationship, whether in business partnerships, romantic relationships, friends, relatives, etc. Without trust, you can’t form any sort of bond with the person, because people simply don’t want to open up to someone they can’t fully count on. On the other side of that coin, people need to be able to trust you, as well. We often think about how other people gain our trust, but what about how we get others to trust us?

Here are 5 things trustworthy people do differently:

1. They apologize for things they cannot control.

This might seem unnecessary or silly at first, but an apology about something like the weather, for instance, makes you seem more trustworthy and compassionate.

For example, Harvard researchers recruited a young man to ask 65 strangers in a busy train station if he could borrow their cell phone, but he only did this experiment on rainy days. Half of the time when he approached people, he started with an apology like “I am so sorry about the rain!” before asking if he could borrow their cell phone. Only 9 percent of people who didn’t hear the unnecessary apology let him borrow their phone. In contrast, 47 percent of those who heard the apology let him borrow their cell phone. Researchers have found that starting off a conversation with an apology, whether necessary or not, exemplifies empathy and concern for the listener, which instills trust in him or her.

2. They mimic body language to make you feel comfortable.

It turns out that noticing people’s subtle gestures during a conversation and mirroring their body language can make them trust you more. An astonishing study published in the journal Academy of Management Proceedings revealed that MBA students asked to mimic a partner in a negotiation exercise (i.e. resting their elbow on the table if the other person did) ??reached an agreement 67 percent of the time. (The participants had no clue they were being mimicked.) Students told not to mimic the other person’s body language reached an agreement only 12.5% of the time. Researchers attribute the success in the negotiations to interpersonal trust, explaining that mimicry could help solve arguments and even assist in mediation.

3. They are humble.

In general, people trust humble people more, because they come across as much more personable and friendly. For example, a University of California at Berkeley study revealed that showing embarrassment helps people trust you more. In the study, researchers showed participants a video of someone telling a man that he earned a perfect score on a test. He responded with embarrassment some of the time, and pride the other times.

After watching the video, the participants played games to measure how much they trusted the man. The results revealed that those who had seen him react in an embarrassed manner trusted him more. Researchers explain that embarrassment shows acceptance and congeniality in a person, making them more trustworthy and approachable.

4. They often like to wear soothing scents.

It turns out that how you smell can affect people’s level of trust in you. A Dutch study had 90 adults separate into three groups to play something called the “Trust Game,” which measures people’s trust in one another. How does this game work? Basically, the researchers give all players a certain amount of money, and the participants choose whether to keep it or give it to someone else. If the players choose to transfer money, the profits triple, but the trustee gets the final say in whether to share the profits with the trustor, a decision that requires trust.

During the game, the groups had exposure to three different scents: either none at all, lavender, or peppermint. The study revealed that the group who smelled lavender had much more willingness to trust someone with their money than the other groups. The olfactory nerve connects to the part of the brain that signals whether we should trust others or not, and lavender has a soothing effect, while peppermint excites the nerves.

5. They often share mutual friends.

Obviously, you will gain someone’s trust more often if you share a mutual friend with him or her. Apparently, two people have a higher likelihood of trusting one another when they share a common friend. This way, your friend will have probably mentioned you to the mutual friend at least a few times, which makes the person feel like they know you a little bit already.

University of British Columbia students performed a study where they sent random friend requests to people on Facebook. Not surprisingly, people were more likely to accept as the number of mutual friends increased. Almost 80 percent of people accepted the request when they had 11 or higher mutual friends, but only 20 percent of people accepted the requests when the two had no mutual friends.

How Happy People Spend The Last 30 Minutes of the Day

When we get caught up in the hectic schedule of our day, we look forward to just getting home so we can unwind. We may turn on the television, scroll through Facebook, or even do both. While seemingly innocent (we did put in a full day’s work, after all), how we end our day can impact our overall happiness. Happy people tend to do certain things at the end of their day that unhappy people don’t practice. Not every happy person does all of these, but some do. And it’s not about the time you spend on these things, but more about ending your day on the right note, setting up tomorrow to be even happier.

Here’s how happy people spend the last 30 minutes of the day:

They find quiet.

It’s hard to be happy when the noise of the world is constantly demanding our attention. The happiest people end their day finding quiet to contemplate their experiences and their life. They recognize the importance of quieting the world around them to put challenges into perspective, forgive themselves of the mistakes they made, vow to do better tomorrow, and reignite their creativity, curiosity and love of life.

They plan for tomorrow.

Keeping a to-do list in our heads keeps our mind on what we need to do instead on the accomplishments we achieved. It’s important to recognize our progress, make adjustments when necessary, pay attention to what is happening in the moment and keep growing and evolving to be happy. We can’t do that when we are worrying about what’s on the agenda for tomorrow. Instead of worrying about it, create your agenda and then let it go until morning.

They visit their affirmations.

Happy people have a clear picture of the things that make them happy. They are also on a constant quest for growth and improvement and do not take their happiness for granted. Part of this process is to create affirmations that support them in their growth. They make a point to end their day visiting these affirmations to keep them focused on their goals.

They disconnect and then reconnect.

Happy people spend the last part of their day disconnecting from their office by setting their phone to do not disturb, shutting down their computer and turning off the television. They disconnect so they can fully connect to the people that matter most to them.

Happy people know that it’s the people that influence them that make them happy. They protect them and honor their relationships by being present. Because nothing says love quite as much as being the center of someone’s attention.

Related article: How to Disconnect to Reconnect

They follow a personal routine.

Happy people take care of themselves doing the mundane and routine things that prepare us for bedtime. Personal hygiene is important to our overall health, and we can’t be happy if you aren’t healthy. We just can’t. So wash, brush, floss and gargle yourself towards happiness.

They take time to reflect in a journal.

Happy people know that life is full challenges, and they do not allow those challenges to affect their overall happiness. One way they do that is to journal. Whether it’s journaling about what makes them grateful or writing about their challenges, writing releases the hold the less-than-happy moments have over them. They embrace the freedom of clearing the mind to allow them to learn from their experiences and move on to better things.

They focus on their breath.

We go, go, go all day long, and that kind of schedule eventually will wear us down. Happy people spend the last part of their day finding the time to practice restorative breathing. Whether they do it through meditation, practicing some light yoga or just breathing, they take the time to reconnect with their inner guide. They do this knowing it’s this internal source of wisdom that will get through the challenges of the next day.

They don’t try to stay awake.

Happy people sleep. It’s as simple as that. And not only do they sleep, but they also honor their sleep by getting a full night’s rest, leaving their phone outside of the bedroom, so it’s not interrupted and making bedtime a priority. It’s not a secret; we make smart decisions, are more productive and navigate challenges better when we are well-rested. Happy people take that knowledge and act on it by going to bed.

They do things that make them feel good.

It’s not unusual to get to the end of a busy day and collapse from exhaustion and just fall into bed. Happy people end their days doing things that make them happy. Whether it’s reading a good book, doodling on paper, or taking a walk with their partner, they find a few minutes to do the things that make them feel good because it feeds their soul.

Bottom line, happy people know that the key to staying happy is to do more of the things that make them happy, and it’s always wise to end your day on a happy note.

Related article: 10 Rituals to Guarantee a Good Night’s Sleep

5 Ways To Spot A Heart Attack Before It Happens

As we age, we question our health and how to spot common ailments to prevent serious diseases. One of the most common concerns is heart health. We all know someone with a heart attack that might not fit the “typical” profile. They might be young and in excellent health, so to hear of them having a heart attack is scary. If it can happen to them, then surely it can happen to us, right?

We get a daily bombardment of advertising, infomercials, and more, all telling us about healthy living and protecting our hearts. They tell us that we should get more exercise, eat more greens and less junk, drink less, don’t smoke, and reduce our stress levels. We’ve heard it all before. And while it sounds good in theory, we often let the warnings fall by the wayside.

We’ve all seen the ‘movie’ version or the ‘classic’ heart attack signs: a person gets pain in their chest and left arm, then they begin sweating and calling out for help or “my pills.” This mental image can be deceiving as it might imply to many people that it’s all there is to it when it’s not the case. There are signs that we should be paying attention to spot a heart attack before it happens.

Here are five ways to spot a heart attack before it happens:

heart attack

1. We aren’t taking care of ourselves the way we should.

Let’s face it. We can do better. We can eat better, exercise more, and sleep longer. Not taking care of ourselves is just asking for trouble.  Of course, this is a very vague warning sign, but one that should be heeded. Being overweight and out of shape is a warning sign for future health problems.

2. Unexplained Fatigue.

You should be concerned when fatigue comes upon you for no apparent reason, or you become excessively tired during daily activities. Something is going on with your body, and you need to find out what it is. It is more common for this to affect women than men, but men should not ignore such warnings either. If the fatigue is heart-related, it’s caused by increased stress on the heart. This stress causes an inefficiency in the heart’s overall function and, therefore, leads to symptoms elsewhere in the body – sometimes odd symptoms that, taken on their own, may seem to add up to nothing.

3. Shortness of breath.

Like fatigue, the increased stress on the heart causes inefficiency and leads to seemingly unrelated symptoms, like shortness of breath. If the heart cannot supply the body with as much blood as it needs to function normally, it follows that the body’s cells are also not receiving sufficient oxygen that would have been carried in the blood.

heart attack

4. Nausea, Vomiting, or Indigestion.

You have probably heard that there are people who mistake indigestion for a heart attack; and those who mistake a heart attack for indigestion. How can you determine the difference? Be familiar with your body’s typical response and your family history.

In many cases, most foods we eat do not lead to indigestion, and most people do not typically suffer from indigestion, having no history of it. Most of us are well aware of the foods that are likely to bring on indigestion or heartburn in us and usually avoid them. That means sudden, unexpected indigestion may be a warning sign of something more serious. This is particularly true if the indigestion is combined with any other symptoms.

5. A rapid or irregular heartbeat.

If your heart’s ability to function is impaired, it will naturally try to work harder to compensate for the shortfall. This increased effort shows itself as an irregular or rapid heartbeat.

Many causes of a rapid heartbeat include exertion from sports and physical activities, stress, and anxiety. In most cases, though, the heartbeat returns to normal once the person relaxes. When your heart rate doesn’t return to normal when at rest, it can be a sign your heart may not be functioning properly, and you should seek help immediately.

diagnose heart attacks

Final Thoughts on Spotting a Heart Attack Before It Happens

Sometimes, we’re afraid to ask for help. We don’t want to be a bother or an inconvenience. But those who love you want to help you, so don’t be afraid to ask for support. Take preemptive measures and get into shape. Your health is too precious to risk.

Take note of the warning signs and pay attention to your general health and well-being. If you experience one or more of these symptoms, seek medical attention. You may just be told it’s nothing. But you’ll never regret finding out. Imagine the alternative!

5 Signs You’re In the Wrong Relationship

Many people know what it takes to maintain balanced, happy relationships in life: love, trust, compassion, compromise, laughter, a deep connection, and respect, to name a few. However, many of us don’t recognize unhealthy relationships, even if we happen to be in one.

To cultivate supportive, healthy relationships in life, you have to find out what you don’t want, and sometimes that involves being in the wrong relationship. Here’s how to tell:

5 Telling Signs You’re In the Wrong Relationship

relationship

1. You aren’t comfortable spending time apart

In the beginning of a relationship, you naturally want to spend as much time with the person as possible since everything about it feels fresh and new, and you absolutely love the person you’re with. Of course, you still feel the same about your guy or girl after a few months, but you might occasionally crave some time away from them to continue your own personal growth.

While your partner should be a huge part of your life, it’s important to ensure they’re not the only part of your life. Research shows that once a relationship becomes stagnant, people start to forget why they’re in the relationship and look for a way out so they can feel that initial spark again with someone new. To avoid this, hanging out with friends or spending time alone is important in keeping the spark alive in the relationship and growing evenly during time spent apart.

If this time apart doesn’t feel comfortable, there is an underlying trust issue, and since trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, you may want to reassess your relationship.

2. You don’t understand how to make the other feel truly loved.

We all have different preferences when it comes to receiving love. In the wrong relationship, one or both partners fail to understand the needs of the other. If you want to care for them in the best way possible but don’t know how to remember that something as small as a cup of coffee in the morning or a warm dinner at night can be just the right touch to fixing a wronged relationship. This is effectively done through the right communication. You don’t expect the other to read your mind. You learn, get to know your partner, and act in a way that makes them fall in love with you even more.

3. Living in the past.

Focusing on the wrongdoings and mistakes that people in your past made will only make you feel negative about your current relationship. Let go and leave those relationships where they belong – in the past! Fixating on prior pain will only cause more to appear…what you resist persists.

4. Someone in the relationship withholds the truth.

When asked about the most important quality a person can possess, most people quickly say “trust.” If two people don’t have that, the foundation of the relationship will quickly crumble once the truth finally comes to the surface. Healthy relationships require two people committed to sharing their darkest secrets and most authentic self no matter what.

relationship

5. You can’t handle relationship problems effectively.

In both relationships and life, problems inevitably happen, and knowing how to deal with them and find solutions together can strengthen your relationship – and keep it running smoothly. If you or your partner are having a hard time tackling problems as a team and talking things through to solve the problem, it may mean that there’s a happier and longer-lasting relationship elsewhere.

A couple married for 75 years said that communication is the key to making a relationship work long-term, even if that means arguing to solve a problem. Whatever your style of problem-solving may be, if you are your partner and can resolve things quickly and easily without too much conflict, chances are you can make things work in the future. According to Dr. Preston Ni, “Successful couples have the ability to solve problems and let [them] go.”

If you and your partner have similar problem-solving strategies, you can get through the trials in life just as well as the triumphs. Don’t give up right away, but give it some time to see if you can learn to deal with problems as a team.

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