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10 Warning Signs Of A “Frenemy”

What if our friend, somebody we liked and confided in, really didn’t like us so much? A frenemy is somebody who pretends to be a friend but is really a rival.

Of course, we might not know it since they are friendly and attentive whenever we are around, but underneath it all, they have feelings of resentment, bitterness and maybe even hatred.

We all want to be liked, and it is especially difficult to find out that someone you like and trust is secretly talking about you behind your back. The betrayal is one that is felt deep.

Unknowingly, a frenemy could become a relational vampire, depleting energy by triggering emotions, aggressive behavior or undermining what we believe.

So how can you tell the difference between a true friend and a frenemy?

Here are ten warning signs of a frenemy:

frenemy

1. A Frenemy Wants Instant Attention.

Frenemies usually want close relationships and wish to be the bestie almost immediately after you meet. They schedule “dates,” friend and possible even stalk us on Facebook, and begin texting all at the same day. When our “friend” needs us, they will be all over us, but the moment we need something in return, they suddenly disappear. Friends know that building a committed relationship takes time. Frenemies wish to be too close too early.

2. A Frenemy Over-Shares.

Frenemies will tell their life story, with highly personal information, over a first coffee. They offer to do personal tasks immediately, like picking up our kids at school, running errands or offering do something to make your day a bit easier. If it’s too good to be true, it usually is.

In hindsight, we discover there’s an imbalance in such a relationship, and while seemingly doing tasks to help us, our frenemy is probably up to something. They often expect to be repaid, with excitement and with interest.

Friends always keep things about their own life private and enable us to do the same. Frenemies survive on relational entanglement.

3. A Frenemy Intentionally Sabotages.

A frenemy’s aim is never to help one to be more successful than them but to make sure that we fail, or perhaps feel unhappy about the situation. A frenemy often exhibits passive-aggressive behaviors and sometimes they display a clear intent of sabotage.

She will not be happy when everything is going well but would seem nearly gleeful when everything is going terribly. When something great happens like a new career, a raise, a fresh love, the frenemy downplays it or causes it to seem like a fluke.

4. A Frenemy Elicits That Nagging Feeling.

If there is the continual feeling that somebody is not being dependable or has an ulterior motive in seeking our friendship, pay attention – it is probably right. We need to listen to and trust our gut.

frenemy

5. A Fake Friend Frequently Insults Others.

Her social networking updates include veiled insults about us or other friends. A frenemy does not celebrate our wins but will gleefully, albeit secretly, remind us of our failings. She often finds reasons to make fun of us or challenge our competence.

6. A Frenemy Likes to Dig up Dirt.

Frenemies feed upon negative info and usually look to get more. They would like to know why whenever we say we are feeling a little bit down. Was it an argument with one’s spouse? Are we depressed? The next day, they will move further and ask something different. They love to revel in our misery while pretending to be interested in our well-being.

7. A Frenemy Disguises Complaints as Humor.

Frenemies like to put people down, even in front of others. When questioned, they usually claim it was meant to be light-hearted, opening up the door for another slam. This might sound familiar, “I was just kidding. Many people just cannot take a joke.”

Frenemies like sarcasm are masters of the “Who, me?” game.

Friends might take part in good-natured ribbing. However, they respect our feelings. Frenemies utilize humor as a cover-up for dishing out hurtful blows.

8. Fake Friends Make Us Feel as If We Are Wrong.

Frenemies rarely give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Instead of assuming the best of intentions, they take everything personally, even if unrelated, and make us feel we are to blame.

9. Frenemies Overreact When Challenged.

Unreasonable and often over-reactions can occur when we challenge a frenemy about their behavior.  They are surprised and angered by the lack of faith when we question something the frenemy is doing or requesting. They refuse to discuss it and expect our complete and blind agreement with their plans.

friend

10. Fake Friends are Insensitive.

Lastly, they are insensitive. They are quick to offer advice when we are experiencing trying times but can’t see the value in the advice we give them.

A frenemy is usually unaware of their real motive, which might stem from feelings of jealousy, inferiority, or resentment. However, it’s best to discover these harmful relationships and tackle them quickly.

9 Things Proven to Make You Happier

Considering happiness starts from within, sometimes becoming happier can simply mean looking at things just a little bit differently. This article will discuss nine things that can make you happier.

9 Things That Can Make You Feel Happier

“Happiness, true happiness, is an inner quality. It is a state of mind. If your mind is at peace, you are happy. If your mind is at peace, but you have nothing else, you can be happy. If you have everything the world can give – pleasure, possessions, power – but lack peace of mind, you can never be happy.” – Dada Vaswani

1 – Acknowledge Your Fears

Everyone has fears. The mistake is allowing those fears to stop us from doing something we love. Fear, when ignored, is the same as giving up, and living to avoid it means we aren’t living our best life.

Acknowledge and question the fear and then put it into rational terms. Fear is simply a stepping stone to something bigger and better. It is a test to see how badly we want it. Fear doesn’t shape happy people. Instead, the steps they take to move through it to bigger and better things shape them.

happier

2 – Argue on the Other Side

When we get into disagreements, we have one opinion, and the other person has the opposite. Here’s the thing, though; arguments are a good thing. Without them, there would be no progress.

When we argue in support of our position, we are looking for a “win.” So what would happen if we switched sides?

Instead of gathering evidence to support our point of view, let’s start gathering evidence to support the other side of the argument. It will help bring awareness to the discussion and can help prompt compromise or, at the very least, a more considerate argument.

3 – Release the Competitive Mindset

Life is not a competition. By nature, most people are competitive, and we must recognize that living life is not a competition. I mean who are we competing against – ourselves?

Our society has evolved to a point where we do not need to fight for resources if we choose. Relinquish the need to keep up with the Joneses. Be happy for other people’s successes and learn from them. Let their lessons help catapult our successes and ensure our successes are our own. The only person that’s going to win at our life is us.

4 – You’re Happier When You Do Favors for Others

The Benjamin Franklin Effect attacks the assumption that we do nice things to people we like. The science behind it says the opposite, however: we grow to like the people when we do favors for them.

Asking for and receiving a favor generates good feelings on both sides. So if we want to get in good with someone, we should ask them to do us a favor.

5 – Forget Perfection to Be Happier

Forget perfect and focus on just doing better. The goal in life is not to win all of the time unless you are a sports team, and even then it’s unrealistic.

Instead, the goal in life is to have more good than bad, more happiness than meaningless, and more success than failure. We should all try to do a little better today than we did yesterday. There is no perfect; there is only perfect for right now.

6 – It Is Not Personal

The actions or reactions surrounding something have very little to do with us and more likely has everything to do with the other person. They are probably not even thinking about our reaction to what they said or did. And if they are not thinking about our reaction, then we shouldn’t be either.

Trust that people are good in their hearts. They are doing the best they can, and remember, we may not have the whole story.

It doesn’t mean we should surround ourselves with people who do things that are hurtful. Our job is to be aware that the hurt is rarely focused on anyone in particular and is usually focused on something that is going on in their lives.

7 – Morning Calm

A rushed and hectic start to our day will create a stressful and rushed feeling throughout the day. Of course, setting our alarm for earlier than necessary is hard. Even an additional fifteen minutes of stillness before getting out of bed can add a sense of calmness that will start the day off on the right foot. Try creating a ritual that helps avoid too much thought first thing in the morning. Make sure that ritual includes time just to be.

8 – Show Up

Nothing gets done when we don’t show up. We will never begin that new hobby, never travel to our wish list destination, never open up a business, and so on. If we don’t show up to do the smallest tasks, the bigger things will never happen. Let’s do something every day that requires us to show up. Let’s not let our life pass us by because we forgot to show up.

happier

9 – Smile to Feel Happier

Smiling is one of the best ways to be happier. A simple smile can have a huge impact on our mindset and how are we see our circumstances. Smiles are contagious and can affect everyone in the vicinity. When we smile, other people around us will start to smile too. Find reasons to smile even when alone.

It might start out as a chore, but do it enough, and we won’t be able to deny the happy feelings we feel, and the people around you will feel it too. A little change in perspective can go a long way to helping us be happier over time. Smile, show up, argue the other side, and watch as happiness grows.

10 Common Dreams (And What They Mean)

Did you know that the average person has 1,460 dreams per year? This equates to 4 dreams per night!

According to The Dream Encyclopediathe word “dream” comes from the German word draugmas, meaning deception, illusion, or phantom, or from the Old Norse word draugr, meaning ghost or apparition. Some believe it could also be related to the Sanskrit word druh, which means seek to harm or injure.

Although the origin of the word “dreams” would have you think that all dreams come from a dark place within the soul, many dreams have positive messages for us that the universe wants us to know. Of course, interpretations of dreams are largely subjective, but the following dreams seem to be a recurring theme in many people’s lives, and provide answers to questions that the conscious mind simply cannot know.

Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, believed that dreams help us tap into the unconscious mind and offer us advice, like a therapist or counselor. The universe tries to communicate with us through many different mediums, so dreams serve as another way to learn essential soul lessons, even in our sleep.

Here are ten common dreams people have (and what they mean):

dreams

1. Dreams About Falling

This is probably one of the most common dreams people have. Dream experts believe that it means you feel you don’t have control over a particular aspect of your life or have hit some major road bumps in an important area of life. Usually, the dreamer never hits the bottom of the place they’re falling but continues to fall until they return to an awakened state. It might also mean that you need to let go of something in your life that holds you back.

2. Being Chased

Another very common dream, being chased can mean a few different things. The most popular interpretation is that you need to face something that you continually run away from; you need to confront your demons head on rather than finding ways to escape. Your subconscious wants you to focus on whatever you have put on the back burner, and tackle your fears instead of searching for places to hide from them. It could also mean that you feel someone or something is out to get you, which makes you flee in fear of getting hurt. Some people interpret this dream as a sign of imminent danger, since you probably perceive whatever is chasing you as a threat.

3. Being Nude in a Room Full of People

Many of us have probably had this dream at least once, and as you might have already guessed, it means you feel vulnerable and exposed. The fear of other people seeing you naked actually symbolizes embarrassment about a certain part of your soul that you wish to hide from others or a secret that you don’t want anyone else to know. It normally has nothing to do with body image, but rather, insecurity about how other people perceive you. If you have this dream often, take it as a sign to work on self-confidence and feeling comfortable in your own skin, despite what others may think.

4. Dreams About Flying

Flying is always a fun dream to have, especially if you have mastered lucid dreaming, so you can actually control your flight path through the universe! This dream normally means that you desire freedom, and want to break the chains that bind you so you can finally soar above these limitations. It can also be a symbol of success, suggesting that you have recently achieved one of your goals and now look down on the world with a feeling of accomplishment and pride.

5. Sexual Desires or Fantasies

While this dream could represent unfulfilled wishes of intimacy with someone, it can also mean you desire emotional closeness with another person. This dream can mean that you feel isolated or lonely, and crave connection with other people. It could also mean that you desire a greater understanding of yourself, and your unconscious mind could be telling you to venture deeper within your own soul.

dreams

6. Dreams About Death

Contrary to what you may think, death does not have to signify something negative occurring in your life. It actually can mean a positive shift in consciousness or a rebirth of the Self. It normally means the end of one chapter in your life and the beginning of another. If you have felt stuck in your life recently, this dream could signify a new start for you in the near future.

7. People

People that you know well and have a close relationship with might appear often in your dreams, which simply means that you long to get to know the aspects of yourself which they portray. Seeing people in your dream often means that you have certain aspects of yourself that you need to work on in order to become whole yourself.

8. Taking a Test in School

Life can be viewed as one giant test, where we learn lessons along the way in order to prepare for the big exam at the end. If you dream about taking a test in school, you might feel that your every thought and action are being closely analyzed, and you fear failure or disappointing others. Tests usually point to our own insecurities, and our need to compare ourselves to others. We don’t want to feel left behind or shunned from the pack, so dreaming of taking a test could mean that you have doubts about your own abilities and strengths.

9. Dreams on Traveling Somewhere

Whether by car, bus, train, or plane, this dream signifies your need to create movement in your life. You feel restless and bored with your current situation, and long to make a big change in your daily life. It could also mean you are running from yourself, fearing what you might find.

10. Being in an Out of Control Car

Just like the falling dream, this one symbolizes a lack of control in your life. It means you have let others take the wheel instead, giving up your own power to create a new reality. This vision means you need to reclaim your own power and start working on those aspects of your life that you feel you can’t manage effectively.

5 Signs Your Third Eye Is Opening

Since ancient times, the third eye had been revered by all kinds of cultures.

Today, we know it as the pineal gland, but it is still called the third eye in the spiritual realm.

The third eye is viewed as a spiritual sign representing our capability to conquer all kinds of challenges in daily life by tapping into our inner wisdom.

But there is much more to the third eye than that. In most Eastern traditions, the third eye is undoubtedly real; a thing that anybody can perceive and obviously feel if they have a strong sense of self and mindfulness.

It is what is often referred to as the connection between our body and our spirit.

When we meditate with any consistency, the third eye opens and your inner guide becomes stronger and a more present guiding force in your life.

Here are five signs your third eye is opening:

1. A dull sensation of pressure between the eyebrows.

Generally when the third eye starts to manifest on a much deeper level, there’s a related consciousness of sensation between eyebrows.

It could seem like somebody is lightly touching us at that moment, or you might feel a spreading of warmth.

Sometimes this sensation could appear from nowhere; whether we have spiritual feelings or not. It’s as if it’s a signal to pull us back in that spiritual state of mind.

2. Increased foresight.

Among the most obvious signals of third eye opening is an increase in foresight or intuition we start to experience – if we are paying attention.

Intuition is the capability to know something might happen before it does or knowing something is right or wrong because of a feeling or sense.

It often comes and goes without notification. However with time, this feeling could get stronger, and turn out to be a guiding process in our daily lives.

We might start to sense warning signs or what our next action should be without explanation.

Don’t dispute your intuition. Use it! It might not always be right; however it most certainly will put us on the right path.

3. Prone to light sensitivity.

With the opening third eye, we could find ourselves a little more sensitive to light and seeing colors more brightly.

Vivid colors and our awareness of light may begin subtly; they are not always instantly obvious or overwhelming.

However, the sensitivity to light often brings further awareness of what is happening around us. When focusing deeply on the third eye (like in meditation), the lights of the third eye might appear.

The third eye and it’s reference to light has been talked about for years in many traditions worldwide. It is well-known in many forms of art and religious works. If you study the works, you can often see the light reference in circular shapes and star-shaped lights peeking through the clouds.

Our eyes will change over time, and we might feel like we just can’t get enough sun on our skin. This is normal. Soak it up! Just make sure you are not harming the skin.

4. A feeling of gradual and continual change.

Most importantly, fostering a healthy third eye steadily changes our perspective and personality in life. It results in beneficial changes because we want, and maybe even crave them. We can usually see it in the way we treat others. We might become more tolerant and less selfish.

5. Increased headaches.

A headache pressure is stronger than the pressure talked about earlier that happens between the eyebrows. At times, that pressure can begin to ache a little.

Consider it a little bit of energy overload. Go outdoors and do a thing you cherish, like meditate or walk.

Head pressure is an actual sign of the spiritual eye opening, particularly in the center of the forehead. It is an indication that one’s pineal gland is developing energetically.

Tips to Engage The Third Eye

When our Third Eye is opening, we’ll begin body-to-soul discussions in our mind with an understanding of our place in the Universe and that we are the creator of our reality!

We will encounter greater states of mindfulness, enabling us to visualize a better life and take focused action to help us live up to our potential.

We’ll become very intuitive, possess a good memory, and we’ll have the ability to understand without any problem.

We can help foster a strong sense of intuition by activating our third eye. Start by doing these things:

  • Meditate.
  • Stay away from sugar and dairy as much as possible.
  • Meditate outside, naturally, sitting on the grass or natural ground.
  • Be mindful of our senses.
  • Drink more water.
  • Walk in nature for not less than half an hour every day.
  • Display and wear indigo and purple.
  • Let go of limiting beliefs.
  • Do aesthetic activities: Make visual art, drawing, coloring, working with memory, photography, hypnosis, and even some daydreaming

 

3 Ways To Spot An Undercover Narcissist

Have you ever felt negative energy from someone without exactly knowing what it was? The undercover narcissist may have been at work…

A narcissist may have pent-up hostile feelings towards people that have more success than they do. They look at someone who is both popular and intelligent as a threat to who they are and how others perceive them.

Narcissists are usually indifferent toward other people and are characterized by dominance, arrogance, self-centeredness, and manipulation of others for self-promotion. They usually display little to no caring or emotional sympathy.

They have a strong wish to be liked by individuals they consider inferior to them, but particularly by people they consider superior. When liked, the narcissist’s emotions of superiority will likely explode.

Humans are good at keeping our emotions and feelings close to the vest. While social networks are making sharing secrets more common, narcissists have and will always love getting out in the open to get everyone’s attention.

It can be annoying and sometimes difficult to socialize with a narcissist. They monopolize people’s time, keep the conversation focused on them and have no problem sharing all of their most significant achievements in a “what have you done lately?” way. When we are around a narcissist, it can feel like everything revolves around them.

Vulnerability and arrogance are trademarks of a true narcissist. They are adept at playing the character necessary to focus their attention on them. Narcissists are not usually shy about their wish to be the center of attention, and it’s pretty common knowledge they like to speak about themselves to make them seem more important or relevant than they are.

So what’re we to do? How can we protect ourselves from narcissists if they are so proficient at slipping into our daily lives unnoticed?

Here are three ways to spot an undercover narcissist:

female narcissist

1. Narcissists like to seduce.

Emotionally, spiritually, and physically; seduction is a this toxic person’s tool. Narcissists play on heightened emotions to engage you in behaviors that benefit them. Narcissists gather people who will serve their need to be the center of attention, whether through a romantic relationship, a close friendship, or a strategic partnership. They make being with them fun and exciting at first. Then they shift the focus of the relationship onto them and their needs.

2. These folks move fast.

They get you hooked fast through sweet talk and a false sense of interest. That is how they build trust and form a bond. It enables them to use us emotionally once the real motive of the relationship becomes clear.

Among the more straightforward ways to find a hidden narcissist is to look for simple signs that show somebody only appears worried if something or someone will affect their image. Narcissists struggle to maintain the “right kind” of associations because appearances are everything to them, and they care what others think about them.

Take note of your friends’ feelings when you recommend something. Undercover narcissists could harshly react when they don’t agree with you or when criticized.  Saying no to a narcissist could be interpreted as them being discarded, and negative behaviors will often manifest.

 3. Take note of their money mentions.

Sick and tired of listening to your friend’s endless designer buys? Narcissists place importance on material things. They like to talk about the amazing things they have and do so in a way that hints they may be better than us. However, it’s just a way to inflate their self-worth.

If narcissists feel they do not quite measure up to the people around them regarding fame or status, they start talking about money.  Money to them is a way of elevating their standing and their importance.

Keep in mind they always want to be number one. Thus, anybody who threatens their perceived place can cause narcissists to behave rudely and dismissively to protect their self-esteem.

Beware when you hear somebody change gears mid-discussion from their brand-new car to just how much they spent on that car.  They are not trying to discuss their financial situation; they are using money and status to make them seem important.

Successful, attractive, intelligent, or popular individuals will most likely receive the most attention from the narcissist since the narcissist aims to build their self-image.

behaviors of a narcissist

Final Thoughts on Spotting an Undercover Narcissist

These are only a few ways a narcissist might behave before we develop a relationship with them. Once this toxic person is certain he has captured us, he’ll use us to further his agenda and build his self-worth.

The best way to flush out a narcissist is to listen to your gut. It probably is if something seems off when you meet an overly-enthusiastic person who wants to be best friends immediately.

Most people understand that relationships take time to develop, but narcissists usually wants results immediately. Use that as a clue and take things slow. Time will tell the true intentions of any person.

5 Signs You Have Your Emotions Under Control

Emotions are an important part of our daily lives. Whether we’re having a very good laugh over a text or feeling annoyed in rush-hour traffic, we all know that the highs and lows we experience from one moment to the next could significantly affect our well-being.

There are two essential emotions that each of us experiences–fear and love. Suicide counselors warn that other emotions are categories of the two emotions. Thoughts and behavior result from either a place of love or one of fear. Anxiety, control, anger, sadness, inadequacy, depression, confusion, loneliness, hurt, shame, guilt; are all fear-based emotions. Emotions like happiness, joy, caring, compassion, trust, truth, satisfaction, contentment are love-based emotions.

Obviously, there are various levels of intensity of the two types of emotions, a few being minor, others average, and others are strong in intensity. For instance, you might experience anger in a minor form as dismay or disgust. At an average level, it could be felt as exasperation or getting offended. And at a strong level could be felt as hate or rage; the feeling that usually underpins rage is fear.

We have all experienced various levels of feelings based on both love and fear at some point or another. When we are children, we get help navigating those emotions from our parents, friends, and even our teachers. Yet when we become adults,  it’s up to us to keep our emotions under control while still continuing to honor them.

Here are 5 signs you have your emotions under control:

Do these behaviors describe you? If so–congratulations! You have excellent emotional intelligence. If not, then consider yourself a work in progress.

emotions1. We address everybody around us with trust, love, and sympathy.

It will take an emotionally motivated person to react to poorly behaved individuals with trust, love, and sympathy. That does not mean we should always accept their negative behavior; we could still maintain control and be assertive while also remaining loyal. If we do not allow our emotions to control us, then an adoring, sincere and compassionate state of the mind and heart moves through our involvement and connection with others, regardless of their behavior.

We can take this approach because we don’t allow emotions such as fear and anger to control our reaction, like reacting to frustration with frustration, to anxiety with anxiety, or even indecency with indecency. As stated earlier, our emotions are a representation of our life, including our thoughts, beliefs, and memories. We should be motivated to ensure that we don’t permit our emotions to take total control of us whenever we’re confronted with difficult individuals or difficult encounters.

2. We can overcome our depression and anxiety.

Healing our mind and health through self-reflection and action is exactly what helps with some kinds of depression and anxiety. Sadness is the bottom emotion to depression and fear is the bottom emotion to anxiousness. It’s those feelings that we must address to make sure they will no longer control our major feelings about our daily life. Our feelings and beliefs play an important role in our emotional state, and we have the power to recognize and understand them to move through the major emotions that feed our anxieties and depressive moments.

3. We respond to our experiences instead of reacting to them.

Allowing ourselves that small space to accept what we’re experiencing gives us the time to completely integrate our emotions into our beliefs. As we encounter difficult experiences that conjure up strong emotions,  responding rather than reacting to those encounters is self-empowering.  When we do, we’re very likely to treat ourselves with healthful and beneficial energy rather than getting sucked into harmful states of pressure and agony.

4. We let challenging emotions go instead of holding onto them.

Emotions such as fear and anger might be destructive when we hold onto them. They’re definitely useful in some situations to make us aware of challenging situations, but those situations are often less challenging than our feelings would indicate.

We have to control reactions such as fear and anger so that they will no longer control our feelings and behaviors. Though it is a process; to start with, we need to accept them as part of who we are. Then, beyond understanding them, also ponder their meaning and use them to help motivate us to progress.  After we’ve taken the beneficial parts out of difficult emotional encounters, that’s when we are able to let them go, particularly so we don’t allow setbacks to occur.

mental health5. We know the main difference between our emotions and feelings.

Feelings are a combination of our emotions, beliefs, philosophies, ideas, and remembrances. Each one of these elements combines to not only influence the first emotions that we have but also determine how we feel about what is happening in our life. Thus, knowing the major difference between one’s emotions and feelings is important to apply our own emotions to a bigger vision of our daily lives.

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