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15 Things to Remember When Dealing With Problems

15 Things to Remember When Dealing With Problems

We want to think of ourselves in control of our lives, but the reality is, we aren’t. We can take action to move us in the right direction, and we can do everything according to plan and yet problems happen that will have us questioning everything around us.

The only thing we have the ability to control is our reaction to the events of our day, whether expected or unexpected. And the best way to control our reaction is to put things into perspective by asking these 15 questions when problems occur.

Remember These 15 Questions When Dealing With Problems

problems-depressed

1 – Did you try your best to solve the problem?

When things go against the plan, the first person you tend to blame is yourself. If you can say you put forth your best effort, then most likely there are other factors in play. Don’t blame yourself needlessly.

2 – If you had the same information, would you make the same choice?

Your responsibility is to make the best choices with the information you have at the time. As long as you are doing that, you are doing our part. When a problem arises, new information is available and it is up to you to make the best choice under these new circumstances.

3 – Would you rather do things right, or do the right things?

Plans change, and information changes and that means doing the right thing might change too. Don’t stick to a list of things to do just because it is the original plan. Challenge the plan when better opportunities make themselves available.

4 – What do success and failure mean to you?

Success means different things to different people. It is up to you to understand what it means to you. Don’t base the wins you achieve and the challenges you encounter on someone else’s ideas of success or failure.

5 – Are you asking enough questions?

It is easy to think we know things. In fact, we don’t know what we don’t know. And the only way to learn is to ask questions. Ask questions, until you see the completed vision and each of the steps needed to get there clearly in your mind.

6 – Five years from now will this problem matter?

This is a great question to put things into perspective. Often in the midst of problems, the problem itself takes on a life of its own. Remember, it is not the problem or the challenge that you should be focusing on, it’s the solution.

7 – If you had to explain this problem to a large group of people, what would you say?

Sometimes, stepping out of the problem and presenting it in a logical way will help you get past the emotion of the moment and see possible solutions.

8 – Would you allow a stranger to speak to you the way you are speaking to you right now?

Probably not. Hold yourself to a higher standard when speaking to yourself. If you can’t be kind to yourself, how can you be kind to others?

9 – What are you holding onto that you need to let go?

Many times your reaction, or over-reaction, to problems and challenges come from some other issue in your past. Evaluate whether this problem is really the cause of your reaction or is the reaction coming from somewhere else?

10 – Do you surround yourself with unnecessary things?

Life is complicated enough without finding ways to add to it. Simplifying your life and eliminating unnecessary things, makes it easier to handle challenges and move through them.

11 – Would you rather worry or act?

Here’s the thing, worrying prevents action and action solves problems. Have you ever solved a problem by worrying? When you find yourself worrying, change your thoughts of worry into thoughts of action and then do something. The simple act of doing will help bring more clarity.

12 – If you left this life tomorrow, how would you be remembered?

When you take action to solve a problem or simply to enjoy life, is it the action that will make you proud. We have all been in situations where our reactions to problems have brought out behaviors that do not show us in the best light. Before acting, make sure you are okay with being remembered for that action.

13 – What makes you happy?

Sometimes stepping away from a problem and doing something for pure pleasure can help bring perspective and ideas to a challenge. It is important to foster your happy self so you can do your best work.

14 – What gives your life meaning?

This is different than the happy question; this is more about what work makes you proud. Do the challenges you are encountering right now support your life’s meaning? If not, don’t treat them like they do.

15 – What is the worst that can happen?

This is the best question of all time. Seriously, what is the worst that can happen? Chances are the worst that can happen will end up not happening at all.

Most of these questions are designed to help put problems and challenges into perspective. It is your perspective that makes the issue bigger than it is and allows your emotions to get attached. When you put the problem into perspective, you can figure out the best next steps. The goal is to keep questioning.

10 Tips for Morning Motivation

[dropcap]D[/dropcap]o you ever roll out of bed in the morning, sleepily pour yourself some coffee, and wish you could just crawl back under the covers and sleep away your responsibilities? We’ve all been there at some point, dreaming about a day when we could feel motivated and excited about our lives.

While life isn’t always smooth-sailing, these tips can help you stay encouraged on those days when you just wish life could take a backseat for a while.

10 Tips For Morning Motivation

1. Remember your “why.”

When you wake up in the morning, remind yourself why you will carry out your day in the way you have planned. It helps to keep that mental image in our heads of why we do certain things, so that we don’t operate on autopilot and forget our ultimate reasoning for going to work, school, or whatever we have going on. With that said, if you don’t feel inspired or fulfilled by what takes up the majority of your life, you should definitely think about leaving your current job or career path behind in favor of one that will truly make your heart feel full and happy.

2. Meditate when you first wake up.

As you awaken, you haven’t yet encountered all of the daily stressors and chaos that inevitably cross our paths in daily life. Mother Earth is still waking from her slumber as well, and the world is much quieter than at any other time of the day. Use this time to go to a peaceful spot in your home or in your backyard, and just allow yourself to relax and balance your energies. This will help set the stage for a positive, productive, and motivating day, and will assist you in dealing with any stress you encounter.

3. Exercise before you begin your day.

Morning exercise revs up your metabolism and wakes up your entire body, getting you pumped up for your work or school day. Many scientists agree that working out first thing in the morning on an empty stomach promotes weight loss and prevents weight gain as well, but it might suit some people better to eat a small breakfast before beginning their workout routine. Follow whatever method works for you, just remember to engage in an activity you enjoy and get your blood pumping!

4. Get a good night’s rest.

Of course, getting a poor sleep will just make you feel like slipping back under your covers, not meeting life head-on. You can’t function properly without getting a restful sleep, so make sure you go to bed at a decent hour and get rid of any distractions in your room. Lights from electronics can disrupt your circadian rhythm and keep you awake for longer hours, so make sure to turn off all your devices before nightfall.

This might seem difficult in practice, but just try it out tonight before bed and see how much better you feel when you wake up the next morning. Instead of using electronics for entertainment, try reading a book, playing a board game with family, or doing arts and crafts. Facebook, emails, tweets, and texts can always wait until morning when you have had a chance to rest your mind and body.

5. Eat a healthy, balanced breakfast.

When you wake up each morning, make sure you have a nutritious breakfast of something like a fruity smoothie, oatmeal, whole fruits, or maybe a green juice. Having the essential vitamins and minerals in your bloodstream will give you the energy to tackle everything in your day, and will help keep your blood sugar under control.

Many people either skip breakfast or eat sugary, nutrient-lacking foods that spike their insulin, leaving them feeling lethargic and unmotivated to do much of anything. Go for whole, fresh, ripe fruits and veggies or starches to give your body the energy it craves. J

6. Start off your day with a glass of lemon water.

Lemon water offers a slew of benefits, from fighting off colds to boosting the immune system to promoting weight loss, so pour yourself a nice, cold glass in the morning with a couple of slices of lemon added in. Not only will the tart, zesty flavor from the lemon wake you up, but the vitamins from the citrus fruit will invigorate you and get you excited for your day.

7. Have a list of small, achievable goals to look at each morning.

This goes back to the first point about remembering your why; you need to have your most important goals written out to refer back to often, so you can have a constant reminder of what you wish to accomplish in this crazy game of life. We often get sidetracked with all the distractions we face, which pushes our original motivations and aspirations to the back burner. Make sure you have a list somewhere in your room that you can consult often about your goals, and try to work toward them in some way each day.

8. Change up your routine.

Sometimes, we can feel stuck in a rut when we do the same things day in and day out. Take a different route to work, eat something unordinary for lunch, or go on a nature retreat to somewhere you’ve never been before. Adding variety into your life will help keep your motivation up; this way, you won’t risk burning out or falling into a state of complacency.

9. Work smarter, not harder.

Long work hours don’t do a body or mind good; if you can, try to get more work done in less time so that you have a portion of your day to allot to other activities, like working out, meeting up with friends, relaxing in nature, and just recharging. In Japan, people actually die from overworking; the term they use there for it is karoshi. This affects many people there, so obviously working to the point of mental and physical exhaustion does not have a positive outcome. Make sure you balance your work with your life for optimal health and happiness.

10. Say a few mantras that will get you in a positive mindset.

When you first wake up, say a favorite motivational quote of yours either aloud or in your head; this helps to start your day off positively and will inspire you if you wake up feeling discouraged.

 

It is a great day to start something big

10 Mind Blowing Facts About the Human Brain

The human brain is by far the most complex and misunderstood organ in the body. It contains over 100 billion nerve cells. Furthermore, it generates roughly 70,000 thoughts per day in the average brain. In our brains, memories are stored, thoughts are created, experiences are perceived, and visions turn into actions. New pathways, or synapses, form each time we learn something new. So in this sense, we most certainly create our own realities based upon our thoughts and experiences most often.

These facts just barely scratch the surface when it comes to amazing discoveries about the human brain. However, they perfectly demonstrate the incredible power and intricacy of the most important organ in the human body.

Here are 10 Facts About the Human Mind That Will Amaze You (#8 Is Incredible!)

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1. Introverts and extroverts have actual differences in the wiring of their brains.

Our genetic makeup has a lot to do with what type of personality we will have, according to research. However, the degree of introversion or extroversion you exhibit has less to do with personality traits. Instead, it has more to do with where you obtain your energy and how you react to stimuli.

For example, an experiment scanned the brains of the participants while they took gambles. The experiment’s findings uncovered that successful gambles provoked a stronger response in two regions of extroverts’ brains: the amygdala and the nucleus accumbens.

The latter area of the brain releases the chemical called dopamine into the body when we feel good, for lack of a better term, and the dopamine system in the extrovert’s brain encourages them to take more risks and get out of their comfort zone more often.

The amygdala processes emotional stimuli, which means that while extroverts feel a rush of excitement when trying something new, introverts feel easily overwhelmed and nervous.

In a book titled “The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World” by psychologist Marti Olsen Laney, she explains that introverts and extroverts have different pathways through which stimuli travel through the brain. Extroverts have much shorter pathways than introverts. This might explain why introverts tend to be more critically thinking, analytical, logical, and take more time to register stimuli.

2. Your brain generates about 25 watts of power at any given time, enough to power a lightbulb.

3. Stress can actually decrease the size of the organ.

Chronic stress causes the most significant and lasting changes in the brain, by far, but did you know it can actually shrink your brain? One study confirmed that the hippocampus in the brains of rats actually shrank after exposure to chronic stress. The hippocampus is responsible for storing memories, which means that people with a smaller hippocampus may have difficulty recalling certain memories.

4. Despite the rise of multitasking in today’s world, our brains physically cannot process two tasks at the same time.

While corporate executives and teachers might encourage multitasking, this is literally impossible to do based on how our brain really works. Multitasking, in the true sense of the word, means doing two or more things at once. However, our brains only know how to context-switch or switch between tasks quickly.

For some reason, many people seem to believe that multitasking means getting more done in a shorter amount of time when really, we are just switching back and forth between tasks, which doesn’t reduce the time it takes to complete them. On the other hand, it actually doubles how long it takes to get things done, while increasing our error rate by 50 percent, according to the book “Brain Rules.”

The idea behind this is simple: when you split your brain’s resources, you aren’t giving your full attention to the tasks at hand, therefore increasing the number of errors that will inevitably occur. Simply put, our brain wasn’t designed for multitasking, because in our natural environment, attempting to run from a predator while also foraging for food, for example, would have gotten us killed. Just some food for thought.

The organ also generates more electrical impulses in a single day than all the telephones in the world!

5. Your brain has over 100,000 miles of axons. That’s enough to wrap around the Earth 4 times.

6. There is no left/right brain divide, according to some research.

The myth goes like this: left-brained people are more logical, methodical and analytical, while right-brained people are more creative and artistic. While the preference to use one specific region over another for certain tasks, such as public speaking, does exist, there’s no line separating the two regions. Also, the connections between all regions of the brain help to support both analytical thinking and creativity. One side doesn’t dominate the other in either process.

Dr. Jeff Anderson, director of the MRI Neurosurgical Mapping Service at the University of Utah, performed an experiment to test the left brain/right brain theory: his team examined the scans of participants ranging from age 7 to 29 while they rested. For the experiment, they studied activity in 7,000 brain regions and looked at neural connections within and between these regions. Although they saw isolated incidences of heavy neural traffic in certain key regions, on average, participants seemed to use both sides of their brains fairly equally.

7. Experts estimate that, over the course of a lifetime, modern human brains will retain up to 1 quadrillion pieces of information.

8. Information can travel between nerve cells in your brain at speeds of 260 mph! (faster than most race cars)

brain-multitasking

9. Every second, more than 100,000 chemical reactions occur within the brain.

10. Half of the organ could be surgically removed with no adverse effects on personality or memory.

10 Ways To Tell If You’re In A Mature Relationship

We grow up with an idea of what the perfect relationship looks like. We dream of the fairy tale. Unfortunately, the fairy tale is just a tale and our expectations for what a real relationship looks like are shaped by the shows we watch, the magazines we read and the music we listen to.

These influences often depict an unrealistic view of what being in a meaningful relationship means. When you are in a healthy and mature relationship you have space to grow as an individual and as a couple. You continue to learn new things by yourself as well as together and you are confident in yourself and your partnership.

Being in the right relationship combines the best of who you are with the best of someone else to create a force that is magical.

Here are 10 ways to tell if you’re in a mature relationship:

1 – You Maintain Individual Interests

Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you lose your individual identity. The things that made you attractive to your partner should continue to make you attractive to him. That means maintaining the things that bring you joy.

2 – You Develop New Interests as a Couple That You Both Enjoy

Entering a partnership requires compromise and creating space for new activities that you can do together. Developing interests you can do together and sharing new experiences will bring you closer and allow you to grow in your relationship.

3 – People Like You Togetherrelationship-secure

If your relationship is serving both you and your partner, then it will show through your actions and your attitude. The people around you will notice a new sense of confidence and higher self-esteem about you and will like the “new” you and the relationship.

4 – You Fight Fair

Fighting fair is about understanding your partner’s point of view and compromising in finding common ground. It isn’t about winning or even making a point; it’s about taking an issue you disagree on and finding a way to move forward in a way you both can live with.

5 – You Have a Similar Vision for The Future

It’s hard to plan a future life together if your vision for what that looks like differs from one another. You must be on the same page from the beginning because believing your partner will come around to your way of thinking will just lead to disappointment and frustration down the road.

6 – You Don’t Feel The Need to Change Your Partner

Being in a mature relationship means accepting each other as you are. Sure we all have quirky traits but we learn to accept them as part of the bigger package. The time you spend to trying to change your partner would be better spent finding the right partner.

7 – You Share a Group of Friends but Also Have “Your” Friends

Similar to maintaining individual interests, it’s important to maintain your friends. These are the people that know you, that help heal you and support you and they are important. Do not feel you have to choose between your friends and your partner because doing so will damage both relationships.

8 – You Make Each Other Better

Your individual interests should serve as an inspiration for each other. Your relationships should not only make you better, but it should also make you want to be better. When you are in a relationship that serves you, you increase your natural energy so that anything seems possible.

9 – You Enjoy Your Time Alone as Much as You Do Your Time Together

Healthy and strong relationships are not threatened by time apart. Of course in the initial phases of any relationship, you can’t seem to spend enough time together. Just remember your time alone is how your soul recharges. You should want that space where you can process and enjoy what is good in your life.

10 – There Are No Secrets

When you are in a mature relationship, you feel supported in sharing information about events that have shaped you. You feel comfortable talking about money, past transgressions and the lessons you learned along the way. You know that your partner won’t judge you, nor will you judge them and it will only help to strengthen the relationship and deepen the bond.

Of course, this list is not comprehensive and there are many other ways to determine if we are in a mature relationship. The biggest thing we need to pay attention to is how the relationship is making us feel. Does it make you feel whole, supported and good? Then chances are you in a good relationship.

Do yourself a favor and keep checking in on your feelings and observe how you and others react to your relationship. In the end, keep your eyes open and remember at some point you have to trust that the relationship is the right one. Constant doubt will only undermine the goodness in it.

10 Day Self-Care Plan

There is no lack of information that touts the importance of self-care, along with plenty of studies proving why it’s important. Even so, it still falls to the bottom of our to-do list and is clearly not as a high a priority as it should be.

Self-care, when it becomes something we should do, somehow loses its appeal even though there is nothing more fun than doing stuff that feeds your soul. Think about it, would you rather clean the kitchen or do some yoga? So why is the kitchen always clean?

Self-care isn’t hard and doesn’t have to take up a big chunk of our day. Self-care is simply slowing down enough to listen and respond to what our bodies are asking us for.

Here are 10 self-care strategies you can do in 10 days.

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Day 1: Make Sleep a Priority

Nothing affects our ability to process and handle challenging situations more that adequate sleep. When we are well-rested, we are better equipped to keep our emotions in check, be productive and find creative solutions. Unfortunately, our busy schedules often keep a good night’s rest at bay.

Today, take the time to develop a nighttime routine and get in the habit of making sleep a priority.

Day 2: Drink More Water

Our society has a habit of reaching for a diet soda over bottled water, and that isn’t good. Sodas, coffee, and energy drinks can be full of sugar and are often more dehydrating than they are hydrating.

Water is an essential ingredient for our body to function properly and without it, we feel both the physical and mental effects.

Today, drink more water. If you have a hard time drinking plain water, try adding some lemon and mint for a refreshing and detoxifying facelift.

Day 3: Move More

Everyone agrees that exercise is good for you. It elevates your mood, decreases stress and gives you more energy. So if we can all agree we should exercise more, why aren’t we? Lack of time is usually the response. Well, the good news is you can realize the benefits with as little as ten minutes a day. Surely, we can find ten minutes, right?

Today, go for a walk, find a 10-minute exercise routine on YouTube or do some stretching at your desk. Whatever you choose, choose to move more today than you did yesterday.

Day 4: Spend Time With a Friend

A solid social network makes us happier, and there isn’t a better way to take care of ourselves than to spend time with our friends. They hold our hands when we are sad, support us when we’re scared and make us laugh in dark times. Don’t wait until the next crisis to spend time with people who matter.

Today, schedule a date for coffee or lunch with a close friend because it is the right thing to do.

Day 5: Read a Book

Reading keeps our mind sharp, and an active mind better equips us to handle stress and life’s challenges. Be on a constant quest to learn and challenge the mind. It will contribute to more positive thoughts and a better outlook on life.

Today, pick up a book you’ve always wanted to read and read a page … or ten.

Day 6: Enjoy a Hobby

Having time to do something just for the fun of it is the ultimate example of self-care. Everybody feels good when they are doing something they love. Taking up a hobby isn’t about mastering a skill, it is about releasing the stress and chaos of our day in an activity we enjoy.

Today, try something you have always wanted or do something you love – just for the fun it.

Day 7: Take a Photo

Photographs capture memories and memories remind us of important moments. When we take the time to take pictures of our day, it gives us a chance to slow down and appreciate our surroundings.

Today, take a photo of things that make you smile.

Day 8: Seek Serenity

Finding quiet recharges our natural energy, and our natural energy is what propels us through our day. In the midst of quiet, we can let go of the chaos around us and focus on filling our body with cleansing breaths. It will leave us feeling more centered and more optimistic.

Today, take five minutes and find some quiet and let your mind wander as you focus on your breath.

Day 9: Spoil Yourself

Spoiling ourselves is not self-indulgent, it is necessary. It’s important we take the time to remind ourselves that we are special and deserving of the good in our lives. When we treat ourselves well and when we believe we’ve earned it, more opportunities of abundance will begin to appear.

Today, do something special just for you – because you do it.

Day 10: Practice Gratitude

A big part of self-care is being grateful for all the good in our life. When we take the time to practice gratitude, we are changing our mindset and our view of the world.

Today, take the time to honor the things you are grateful for in your life. Journal it, photograph it, spend time in some quiet bringing attention to it. Doing this might be the best self-care strategy of all.

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Do you practice any of these self-care strategies currently? Share in the discussion below!

20 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

An emotionally abusive relationship is harmful to your confidence and self-esteem, and you may not even be aware of the abuse. Unlike physical abuse that causes physical pain and leaves visible markings, the signs of emotional abuse are not as apparent.

Research shows that emotional abuse is as damaging to a person as both physical and sexual abuse. The study that followed 846 at-risk children over a 14-year period shows that the most common abuse is the psychological threat to safety and security.

The reason emotional abuse is so harmful is that it affects how we think about ourselves. Abusers issue out actions, attitudes, and words that intentionally demean and humiliate. They do this as a form of control. In fact, they often leave the victim feeling confused, powerless and afraid.

All abuse directly attacks our self-esteem, but emotional abuse does it directly by linking our self-worth to being loved. You might be surprised to learn that several studies show emotional abuse occurs at the hands of men and women at equal rates. It can happen in any relationship.

Here are 20 warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship:

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You might be in an emotionally abusive relationship if they do any of the following behaviors:

  • Constantly humiliate you in front of other people.
  • Criticize your actions as being less than perfect makes you feel as if you can’t do anything right.
  • Tell mean, inappropriate and demeaning jokes.
  • Want to be in control of everything including your actions.
  • Constantly remind you of your shortcomings and failures.
  • Do not value your feelings and often will tell you that you are wrong and that you are too sensitive.
  • Give disapproving and dismissive looks that leave you fearful of being alone with them.
  • Withhold displays of affection and sex as a form of punishment.
  • Belittle your dreams and accomplishments.
  • Share your private moments and your secrets with others against your wishes.
  • Do not think you are capable of knowing what is best for you.
  • Blame you for their problems, their mood, and their overall unhappiness.
  • Can’t laugh at themselves, and they get extremely sensitive when others laugh at or make fun of them.
  • Make you feel wrong for wanting to see your friends or do anything fun without them.
  • Always make you feel as if you aren’t good enough for them and that you should be thankful to be in the relationship.
  • Insist on always being right while you are always wrong.
  • Issue subtle threats that are disguised as a suggestion to help you.
  • Control the finances so they can control your actions and how you spend money.
  • Constantly call or text to check up on you, who you are with and what you are doing when you are not together.
  • Accuse you of things that are not true, so you are forced to prove your love.

You must understand…

This list isn’t comprehensive by any means. But when there is a feeling that we can’t be our authentic self and that we are constantly in fear of doing or saying the wrong thing; we need to evaluate if the relationship is emotionally abusive.

Emotionally abusive people are conditioned to make us feel that they are superior and that we don’t deserve them. They make us feel like we deserve to be treated the way we are and that we are lucky to be in a relationship with them. They are masters at manipulating the way we feel.

This is not our fault. We are not to blame. There is probably little that we can do to change the behavior or improve the relationship. Recognize it for what it is, abuse.

Left alone, the stress of an emotionally abusive relationship can manifest itself in the form of illness, depression and even long-term emotional trauma. That’s why it is important first to recognize the behavior and then seek help. Recognizing the behavior can be difficult because we are so attached to the relationship, that we don’t want to think about letting it go. That’s why we need to be aware of some key signs that the relationship isn’t serving us.

Since it is so hard to see from the inside of a relationship, as a friend we should be looking for these signs in the relationships of those we love. It might take an outside eye to spot emotionally abusive behavior. Proceed with caution because it can be a challenging conversation to have.

If you begin to notice the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, whether it’s you or someone you care about, seek professional help. Just because the relationship isn’t violent yet, doesn’t mean it won’t escalate and you should get a clear understanding of the situation from someone trained to help everyone stay safe.

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