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7 Negative Thought Patterns You Should Never Tolerate

June 14, 2015 by Power of Positivity

At the root of our overwhelmed life and often the cause of our unhappiness, unhealthy and negative thought patterns can be found. It’s common knowledge that negative thinking creates a reality based on negativity. What might surprise you, though is there’s a core group of unhealthy, negative thought patterns that contribute to that reality.

Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina, recently published an article on the effects of positive thoughts on the actions we take and the skills we develop. What she found was that negative thoughts and unhealthy thinking patterns can prevent your brain from seeing solutions and other choices when solving a problem. The bottom line is negative thought patterns can impair our survival instinct.

The good news is these unhealthy negative thought patterns can be overcome, and the first step is becoming aware of them. Here are seven common unhealthy thought patterns and how to fix them.

7 Common Negative Thought Patterns (and How to Fix Them)

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Any thought pattern that you base on extremes can signify trouble. Statements like, “it must be perfect,” or “I can’t do anything right,” only serve to prevent you from compromise and success. The more we believe the all-or-nothing thoughts, the more unhappy our reality becomes.

The Fix

Recognize and extreme statements and reframe them into a statement based on fact. For instance, the common phrase, “I can’t do anything right” is better reframed as “I do not understand what I am doing and I need to find help so I can learn to do it better next time.”

2. Jumping to Conclusions

Assuming the worst without the facts is a classic example of being in a negative thought pattern. These assumptions are a great example of why questioning your thoughts is necessary to interrupt the pattern. In most cases, your worries and fears are unfounded, and you end up worrying about nothing.

The Fix

It’s important to stop jumping to the end of the story and instead allow the story to play out. When you stay in the present, the situation always ends up being less dire.

3. Emotional Reasoning

According to your mind, feelings are facts, rather than subjective perceptions that change over time. For example, feelings of guilt might mean you’re a terrible, selfish person and being afraid of something means you’re in real danger. That is why it’s important to understand and work through your feelings.

The Fix

It’s necessary to question our thoughts to determine if they are real or perceived. Once we have gathered the facts, then we can create a plan of action to deal with them using both logic and feelings to guide us.

4. Should Statements

You feel disappointed, guilty, frustrated or angry when things don’t go the way you had hoped or expected. Self-talk commonly includes words such as should, must, have to and ought to. It also contributes to having unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we demand a lot and get upset when falling short. “I should have done” … will get you nowhere.

The Fix

Try avoiding the use of the words: “should,” “what if,” and “have to.” Instead, focus on changing and improving the things we can change and learning to accept the rest. You don’t owe explanations to others for most of your actions.

5. Personalization

We personalize matters when we blame ourselves for results that are out of our control. We make the lack of results about us instead of about the action that caused the results.

The Fix

We should focus on actions and behaviors and what we can change, instead of focusing on ourselves, or any person for that matter.

6. Playing the Victim

When we play the victim, we blame others for the bad things that happen in our life. Nobody can do anything right, and if it weren’t for them we would be more successful, wealthier, happier, in a better relationship, or you name it. It is easier to place blame on someone or something else than to accept responsibility for our part.

The Fix

We can start looking at our role in challenging situations so we can grow from the experience.

7. Future-Focused

We are future-focused when we feel everything will be better someday in the future when the conditions are perfect. We convince ourselves we will be happier when we are healthier, skinnier, richer, in a job we love, or out of school. It can be anything that is a condition for our future happiness.

The Fix

Change our focus to what we can do today to be happier tomorrow.

When we begin to recognize and change your unhealthy thought patterns, by default we are choosing to seek joy, be optimistic and move forward. When we do that, our brain starts to adapt and will build on those positive patterns.

Finding ways to reframe our thoughts from an unhealthy negative perspective to a positive influence will help us bring the lessons of the past into the present and will move us into living a happier life.

20 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

June 13, 2015 by Power of Positivity

How many things in your day do you do because you feel you should? Well, honestly, the word “should” should be eliminated from our vocabulary. The things we “should” do take us away from the things that matter, the things we must do to live our best and happiest life. Add to that the word “owe.” You don’t owe certain things to others.

When we stop doing things because we feel we should and start defining the boundaries around what will add value to our lives, we can get on with living our lives.

The biggest thing we need to stop doing is explaining our decisions to others in hopes of their support. We should be confident enough that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.

In fact, we all judge even when we try our hardest not to. That occurs because we watch people, form opinions, and make assumptions based entirely on their observations. So it’s no surprise that we assume other people are judging us. Knowing judgment is happening all around us; we must explain ourselves to make sure people see us as we want to be seen constantly.

Fine is not always really fine

“Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard

How often have you pretended to feel fine and tried to convince someone of this fact even though it is clear you don’t feel fine at all? We’ve all done it. Instead of faking fine, try being real without apologizing or explaining. Give yourself the freedom to … Just. Be. Human. Everyone has imperfections, why bother to hide it?

Explaining takes your power and gives it to the other person. The best decisions come when we listen to our feelings and gut instinct. But those sources aren’t usually well received in an explanation, so we make up an explanation the other person can relate to.

Unfortunately, many of us need to explain even though we know we shouldn’t. An explainer is waiting for someone else’s approval, and there is a lot of wasted energy in the waiting. During this waiting period, doubt creeps in; depression begins to expand, and unhappiness takes root. Waiting is wasted time.

When we explain, we move away from our greatest source of wisdom – our inner guide. We stop honoring ourselves and start placing more importance on the other person.

It’s hard to overcome the tendency to explain, but it can be done with focus and intention. Awareness is the key.

To help you become more aware, here are 20 things you don’t owe anyone an explanation for.

Justification for your values and your priorities.
A yes when you want to say no.
An explanation for your relationships, whether lovers or friends.
Assistance with their happiness journey at the cost of your own.
A debate around your political views, especially when the other person’s mind is made up.
An apology when you are not sorry, and you would make the same decision again.
A rationalization about why investing in yourself is important
The meaning of what you believe in.
A change in your appearance to please them.
Friendship, especially when they do not share your values.
A negative mindset so that you can commiserate with them.
The access granted to information about your life that makes you uncomfortable
Gossip material or unkind comments about other people just to fit in.
Your time for their projects or for things that matter to them unless they matter to you too.
The commitment to try something “new” just because you were asked.
A safe place for constant complaining and dwelling in their poor choices.
An answer other than the truth to prevent them from being uncomfortable.
Your services as a crisis counselor unless you are actually a crisis counselor.
False or undeserved compliments to make them feel better.
Anything that doesn’t make you feel good and goes against your gut instinct.

Just remember this when you’re unsure if you owe someone:

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” – Wayne Dyer

and then remember this:

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove.” – Maya Angelou

The next time you are tempted to justify something, remember that you can’t control what other people think. You can only control what you think and how you feel. If you are confident with your decisions then an explanation isn’t really necessary.

5 Things Grateful People Don’t Do

June 13, 2015 by Power of Positivity

[dropcap]I[/dropcap]t’s easy to be grateful when things are going great, but the happiest and most grateful people are the way they are because their happiness and gratitude are not tied to circumstances. They remain happy and grateful in difficult times by avoiding things they know will erode the quality of their life.

Here are 5 things grateful people avoid doing to keep living their best life.

1 – They Don’t Complain Or Listen to Complainers

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” – Maya Angelou

Complaining and listening to complainers takes us out of the positive space of gratitude. What’s worse? It can impair the brain. Research shows that just 30-minutes of exposure to complaining and negativity can affect your ability to make good decisions.

It’s impossible to fathom a life without a little complaining from time to time because life can be tough, and there are plenty of frustrations along the way. A complaint or expression of frustration isn’t what hurts your practice of gratitude; it’s remaining in the negative space of constant complaining or listening to a complaint that is detrimental.

What We Can Do

Express your frustration and then take a small action to move yourself out of the negativity and into a positive and more grateful space.

2 – They Don’t Take The Little Things For Granted

“It’s human nature to start taking things for granted again when danger isn’t banging loudly on the door.” – David Hackworth

You know what they say, “it’s the little things that make life big.” Well, this is entirely true with the practice of gratitude. Gratitude isn’t just about focusing on the big things in our life. Instead, the most grateful people spend time focusing on the little things that bring a smile to their hearts.

Small things like a beautiful flower, a smile from a stranger or someone holding the door open have the power to elevate our gratitude practice when we appreciate it at that moment. Being mindful of all the tiny miracles that happen in our day, is truly at the center of gratitude.

What We Can Do

Spend time every day looking for moments in which to express gratitude. It has the power to change an average day into a spectacular one.

3 – They Don’t Expect a Perfect Life

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” – Helen Keller

We all know life isn’t perfect, and regardless of how grateful or happy we are, life can sometimes suck the joy right out of us. While we don’t expect a perfect life per se, why are we thrown for a loop when something unexpected happens? It always seems to catch us off guard.

Treating a challenge as if it were a problem takes us away from gratitude and puts us in a defensive position. When we spend time defending our grateful and happy life, we are moving further away from it by focusing on the problem. Be prepared for challenges to happen knowing you can handle it, because they will happen.

What We Can Do:

Stay in the present and become more proactive. Expect a challenge to test your gratitude and happiness. When it happens work through it focusing on all that there is to be grateful for knowing you will be a bit happier when you’re done.

4 – They Don’t Underestimate the Importance of Sleep

“Sleep is the best meditation.” – Dalai Lama

Sleep is probably the most undervalued and underutilized tool of living a more grateful life. We are a society that is sleep deprived. When we are tired, we become more emotional, more attached to drama and more prone to overreaction.

It is hard to be a truly grateful person when your emotional and physical health is not where it should be. Sleep heals and prepares our bodies to handle challenges, and it’s how we handle those challenges that affect our gratitude practice.

What We Can Do

Sleep. Establish a bedtime routine and honor sleep as a way of making gratitude a focus of your day. Sleep nourishes the soul, so you will awaken feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day. And that is something to be grateful for.

5 – They Don’t Neglect the People That Matter – Including Themselves

“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” – Anthony Robbins

Taking for granted the relationships we have with the people matter most, including ourselves, is detrimental to our gratitude practice. Think about it? Our relationships play an important role in who we are, where we are going and how we live our lives. If we neglect our relationships, we are neglecting our life.

It’s when we shift our focus from people onto things that we leave a grateful space for one that is not serving our authentic self. People should always be the focus.

What We Can Do

Pay attention to people, not things. Make people a priority by fostering the relationships that matter through regular communication and expressions of love and gratitude.

Elevating our gratitude practice only requires a commitment and constant focus on being grateful. It’s not rocket science, but it does take an effort to be present at the moment and to recognize these moments and their contribution to our day and your life.

10 Tips to Help You Attract Your Soulmate

June 12, 2015 by Power of Positivity

The idea of the “soulmate” has been the subject of much mystery, confusion, and heartache throughout history, and today, people still wonder if their soulmate exists, and if so, how to make them a part of their life.

No matter your stance on soulmates, you can take the advice below and apply it to many different aspects of your life, including meeting a potential new partner, or even your one and only.

Here are 10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate:

1. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a potential life partner.

You might think, “How does making a silly list help attract my soul mate?” Well, making a list might seem like a waste of time and energy at first, but the Law of Attraction works in mysterious ways. Thoughts always manifest into form eventually, and writing those thoughts down on paper can help speed up the process. Putting your thoughts into written words will also allow you to visually observe the traits you desire in a partner and can help you envision what your ideal partner would look, sound, and act like.

2. Put yourself out there more.

This seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people just expect their life partner to waltz into their life without any effort on their part. To attract and meet your soulmate, you have to be willing to show your true colors, remain authentic to your highest self, and unabashedly present yourself to the world without fearing the consequences. You never know who you might meet in the most unexpected places, but the first step is to put yourself in situations that are favorable to bumping into your life partner.

3. Love yourself first.

You can’t possibly attract love if it doesn’t have a home within your heart first, so make sure to love yourself now, as you are. How do you do this? It’s simple: just accept yourself, be kind to yourself, and honor yourself. Loving yourself isn’t conceited or arrogant; it just means that you respect yourself enough to have confidence in your own unique cosmic energy. To manifest more love in your life, it’s essential that you first cultivate it within yourself, and send out that energy into the universe.

4. Make a commitment to understanding yourself fully.

Just as with loving yourself, you can’t understand others or expect them to understand you if you haven’t done some deep reflection. You have to dig deep and uncover all those secrets that even you might not have known about yourself before. To attract your soulmate, you have to appreciate and realize what kind of person you have been, who you are now, and the type of person you wish to become. Knowing yourself will also attract others who have taken that journey within and understand their strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, and personalities.

5. Start saying “yes” to life.

It will be difficult to meet your partner if you always say “no” to new situations or opportunities. If you find yourself doing this often, practice opening yourself up to life more. This doesn’t mean to say yes when your instincts inform you that you shouldn’t, it just means to take a little more risk. Join that dance class you have been dreaming about, move to another state or country if you feel it in your bones, or even just meet up with a new friend for lunch. Life is meant to be enjoyed and lived without abandon, so start living!

6. Honor your gut feelings.

You will meet people in the most bizarre and surprising ways sometimes, and that’s usually because you listened to your intuition. Following your gut feelings just means doing what feels right to you, even if you can’t explain it. Maybe you feel compelled to go to a certain place or get in touch with an old flame for no reason other than your intuition telling you to do so. Tune into your intuition often, because it wants to help direct you on your path in life.

7. Pay attention to subtle signs sent from the Universe specifically for you.

We have mentioned this many times before, but the universe communicates to us through earthly methods, such as playing a song on the radio every time we get in the car, or directing our attention to a certain time on the clock, or even making us aware of an upcoming circumstance in our dreams. Pay attention to these signs and messages, because they could very well point the arrow toward an exciting new person in your life.

8. Open up your heart to love.

Obviously, to attract a partner into your life, you need to accept the love you offer yourself, and equally accept the love others give as well. Even if you have been hurt in the past (haven’t we all?), don’t close yourself off to love. Just learn from your past experiences, and transmute that pain into passion and love for life. Accept and acknowledge your pain, but don’t attach yourself to it; commit yourself to a path of love and compassion instead.

9. Have faith that your soulmate is coming your way.

For positive things to happen in your life, you have to first believe that you deserve it, and have faith that good things will start to manifest. The universe may not send you what you desire right away, but just believe that things are looking up, and that will slowly become your new reality and frequency you operate from.

10. Don’t fight your current reality; just go with the flow.

Even if you haven’t met anyone you feel spiritually or emotionally connected to yet, that doesn’t mean that the future doesn’t have these things in store for you. Just enjoy the present moment as much as possible, and don’t get too caught up in what the future holds. Live in the now, and you will start learning to enjoy life from your current vantage point; you will see that your grass is already green where you stand, not just on the other side of the fence. 🙂

3 Types Of People to Keep In Your Life

June 11, 2015 by Power of Positivity

We all encounter certain people during our lives that guide us along our paths back home to what we like to call source energy. No matter the duration or significance of your relationships with people, they all serve a vital purpose and can help you grow into your highest form of existence.

Even if some of those people appear to hinder your personal growth, they have an underlying purpose of redirecting you to new people or places that will better match up with what you need on your personal spiritual journey. Some people you meet will inevitably stick around for only a short time, but make sure to keep the following types of people around for the long haul.

3 Types Of People to Keep In Your Life

1. The Mentor.

This person could manifest in a variety of forms, such as a family member, teacher at school, life coach, or friend. You look up to this person because they have wisdom about the universe that they invariably pass along to you. Your mentor will likely be older than you since they will have more life experience to share with you, but this isn’t always the case. The universe will send you this person in order to encourage, support, and inspire you in your journey.

This particular relationship will embody that of the student and teacher. In fact, it will mostly benefit the student (yourself). However, the teacher may also learn new things from his or her younger companion. Also, the roles may have been reversed in a past incarnation, where you taught your mentor important lessons about life. You have likely met this person before in some manner in order to feel comfortable sharing details of your life and attaining wisdom and advice from them.

If you haven’t met them yet, keep on working on your own self-development, and the universe will send him or her along when it’s time.

Remember: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

2. Soul Mates.

Throughout your life, you will meet people that you feel you have known for lifetimes before. Some call these “soulmates,” others may resonate more with the term “soul family,” while others may call them their Soul Tribe. All of these terms essentially mean the same thing: people you encounter along your journey that you resonate with on a deep soul level. A soulmate doesn’t always show up as the opposite sex; a friend, brother, parent, or really anyone with a similar vibration as yours can manifest as part of your soul family.

Soul tribes are said to come from the same star system, and therefore reincarnate together throughout many lifetimes. You choose these people before you make the journey to Earth as the ones you wish to accomplish an important mission with or teach you valuable lessons. Upon meeting them, you will likely feel an uncanny sense of comfort and familiarity, and may even have past life memories with them. You literally feel as though you’ve reunited with a long lost soul brother or sister, and just click with them on almost every level.

You mirror many aspects of one another and share a part of the same soul. Immediately, you’ll connect with members of your soul tribe. Furthermore, you will likely meet them in unexpected places, so keep your eyes and heart open for connections to form.

3. The opposite.

While opposites can encounter a lot of energetic discordances, this person will show up to inform you of what you need to work on in your path here on Earth. They won’t sugarcoat anything, as that will only distract from the message you need to hear at the moment. Some may call this person your “counterbalance,” or a force that seeks to balance you out so that you may grow into your highest self. They will show strength where you may have weaknesses, and vice-versa.

You may have arguments or disagreements with this person often, but don’t take it too personally. Indeed, they just want to see you transform into the best version of yourself. For you to accomplish this, they will point out any time in which you act out of alignment with your true nature. Plus, they will provide honest insight into how you can improve. Oddly enough, many of these relationships manifest in the form of twin flames, as this relationship perfectly embodies the yin/yang, light and dark, and feminine and masculine energies.

12 Steps to Being a Happier Person

June 10, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Many of us feel unhappy and disconnected daily. Sometimes even when we are doing our best, we get discouraged, wondering why we are not a happier person. The truth is, we often overlook some of the easiest ways to turn our frown upside down – our everyday habits. What we do consistently can make or break our happiness, no matter how good of a person we are.

Here are quick and straightforward tips (we often forget) that can add more happiness to our daily life.

12 Steps to Being a Happier Person:

1. Smile more and complain less.

Your smile is infectious! When people see your face light up, they’ll respond to you in kind. You’ll feel happier from this one small interaction. Plus, you’ll feel less impacted by daily stress.

2. Connect with people and friends.

Like most people, you likely have a support network of close friends. This circle serves as your boost when needed. Surround yourself with positive feedback from these connections. Some of us only have a few very close friends, and that’s okay, too! It’s all about the quality of the friendship and not the quantity.

3. Spend more time with a supportive family.

Do you have supportive family members? Rely on them to bolster your spirit on days that you need it!

One catch. You can’t choose your family members. To feel happier, remain closest to those who carry light and positivity instead of doom and gloom.

4. Help others in need.

You will love the feeling you get when you help others. Whether you’re a volunteer at a local soup kitchen or donating gently used clothing to a family in need, you’ll count your blessings. The act of volunteering makes you genuinely appreciate all the benefits in your life.

5. Be more optimistic about life and the way things will turn out.

Have an optimistic attitude. Assume that you’ll find a positive outcome at the end of each goal you set for yourself. Otherwise, accepting any less sets you up for a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

6. Plan a trip or a vacation.

Spend time in travel to renew and recharge your batteries. Getting a complete change of scenery will feel like hitting a “reset” button on your attitude. And, you’ll likely find fresh inspiration along the way.

7. Learn to forgive.

Carrying the albatross of anger and bitterness around your neck weighs you down. Let go of past hurts. But how? By forgiving. Even when the person truly doesn’t deserve the kindness, it will set you free of those bad feelings.

8. Set new goals and achieve them.

Setting goals helps us to grow. They give us something to work for–and we know that we will eventually benefit when we reach the outcome. You will feel happier knowing that you accomplished something important to you.

Goals can be career-related or personal. From taking the steps to a promotion at work to acting on a doctor’s advice to lower your blood pressure, you can do it!

Break the long-term goal into shorter steps or short-term goals. Write them down and check off your list as you accomplish each more concise goal. In the end, your diligence will pay you tenfold.

9. Do yoga or meditation.

Yoga and meditation proved through the centuries to offer both physical and mental benefits. A few of the outcomes of practicing these ancient arts are the following:

Stress relief
Reduction in inflammation in the joints
Improved flexibility
Better mental clarity
Enhanced sleep quality
Correction of posture

In short, you will feel happier because you’ll feel better!

10. Get a pet–and interact with the pet.

Pets soothe us after a long day at work and comfort us on our worst days. They love unconditionally and never judge us. Their devotion shows you the meaning of true love and makes you feel happier.

11. Get some time off of work.

Time off of work is essential to mental well-being. Not only do you need to free yourself of the physical act of performing your job each day, but you also need to clear your mind of your responsibility to your company mentally. Pressures like deadlines, negative co-workers, and things you can’t control wear on your nerves day-in and day-out.

The time off will help you fall back in love with your job again–or allow you to evaluate if you need to find a new career.

12. Do physical activities like walking or running.

Cardiovascular activities like running, walking, skiing, or even playing basketball are vital. This vigorous exercise releases a feel-good hormone that makes you feel happier, naturally. Ever hear the term runner’s high? It’s the result of that chemical reaction.

Additionally, you’ll improve your heart health and maybe even shed a few unwanted pounds.

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7 Common Negative Thought Patterns (and How to Fix Them)

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

2. Jumping to Conclusions

3. Emotional Reasoning

4. Should Statements

5. Personalization

6. Playing the Victim

7. Future-Focused

Fine is not always really fine

To help you become more aware, here are 20 things you don’t owe anyone an explanation for.

Just remember this when you’re unsure if you owe someone:

Here are 5 things grateful people avoid doing to keep living their best life.

1 – They Don’t Complain Or Listen to Complainers

2 – They Don’t Take The Little Things For Granted

3 – They Don’t Expect a Perfect Life

4 – They Don’t Underestimate the Importance of Sleep

5 – They Don’t Neglect the People That Matter – Including Themselves

Here are 10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate:

1. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a potential life partner.

2. Put yourself out there more.

3. Love yourself first.

4. Make a commitment to understanding yourself fully.

5. Start saying “yes” to life.

6. Honor your gut feelings.

7. Pay attention to subtle signs sent from the Universe specifically for you.

8. Open up your heart to love.

9. Have faith that your soulmate is coming your way.

10. Don’t fight your current reality; just go with the flow.

3 Types Of People to Keep In Your Life

1. The Mentor.

2. Soul Mates.

3. The opposite.

12 Steps to Being a Happier Person:

1. Smile more and complain less.

2. Connect with people and friends.

3. Spend more time with a supportive family.

4. Help others in need.

5. Be more optimistic about life and the way things will turn out.

6. Plan a trip or a vacation.

7. Learn to forgive.

8. Set new goals and achieve them.

9. Do yoga or meditation.

10. Get a pet–and interact with the pet.

11. Get some time off of work.

12. Do physical activities like walking or running.

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