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10 Habits That Can Cause Headaches

[dropcap]A[/dropcap]ccording to Science Daily, “Each year more than 12 million Americans visit their doctors complaining of headaches, which result in lost productivity and costs of upward of $31 billion annually. A new study suggests some of that cost could be offset by healthcare providers ordering fewer tests and an increased focus on counseling about lifestyle changes.”

Here are 10 little-known lifestyle habits that may be causing your headaches (and how to fix them):

1. Anxiety

One of the most common headache triggers is anxiety and stress. These headaches are fairly common, and the pain can range from moderate to severe.

The Fix

Breathing slowly in a quiet, dark space can help increase blood flow and provide an overall sense of relaxation. Dr. Andrew Weil suggests the 4-7-8 breathing method to relax. Inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7 and then exhale through your mouth for a count of eight.

2. Glare

Vision related problems are common for people who work on computers for more than 5 hours per day. The glare from computers and poor lighting can often lead to headaches.

The Fix

Get up from your desk and give your eyes a rest. Go outside to soak in some real light, the light that benefits your body. Ask for light bulbs that simulate natural light and use glare reducing shields on your computer.

3. Sleeping Patterns1235275_10151559222072371_1428219381_n

In a study published in the journal Headache, researchers conducted a detailed sleep interview that asked the participants questions about their chronic headaches and their sleep patterns. More than 80% said they experienced headaches during the day when they woke tired.

The Fix

Establish a nighttime routine to encourage good sleep patterns. Start with turning off electronics an hour before bed, limiting your caffeine intake close to bedtime, and eat and drink lightly in the evenings. Finally, make sure you are getting enough sleep. Most health professionals suggest 7-8 hours per evening.

4. Nutrition Choices

There is strong evidence that shows certain foods can trigger headaches, foods such as chocolate, dairy, proteins and alcohol. Everyone will have different triggers, and it can vary based on gender, weight, and overall health.

The Fix

Start a headache journal keeping track of your headaches and what you are eating. After a period, look back on your journal to see if you can find a pattern. Journaling is a good fix for identifying other triggers as well.

5. Noise

Constant or extremely loud noises can cause headaches. This happens because loud noises can cause your muscles to tighten which can lead to the headache pain.

The Fix

The obvious solution is to remove yourself from over-stimulating situations and seek quiet. If leaving a situation isn’t an option and you find yourself with noise headaches often, you might want to carry a pair of earplugs with you. They can help lessen the noise levels, so it doesn’t affect you as much.

6. Medication

Medication-induced headache is the third most common cause of headache after migraine and tension-type headache. Whether from the type of medication or overuse, certain medications can be the cause of your headaches.

The Fix

If you are noticing a correlation between any medications or supplements you are taking and the onset of headaches, consult your wellness provider to determine safe alternatives.

7. Physical Activity

Exercise headaches occur during strenuous exercise sessions and can also occur because of a lack of activity. The Mayo Clinic explains there are two categories of headaches, primary and secondary exercise headaches.

“Primary exercise headaches are usually harmless, aren’t connected to any underlying problems and can often be prevented with medication. Secondary exercise headaches are caused by an underlying, often serious problem within the brain — such as bleeding or a tumor — or outside the brain — such as coronary artery disease. Secondary exercise headaches may require emergency medical attention.”

The Fix

Not all exercise is created equal and understanding your routine and how to adjust it to certain situations is important to avoiding headaches. Do not exercise in extremely hot or cold conditions, take breaks during long exercises sessions, make sure to stay properly hydrated, and adjust your exercise routine based on elevation.

8. Hormones

headaches

For women, hormonal imbalance can often be the cause of headaches and tension. It often happens just before the start of their period when estrogen levels take a dive.

The Fix

There are natural ways to help balance your hormones to help alleviate the onset of headaches. Reduce your sugar intake, stay hydrated, use the 4-7-8 breathing technique mentioned earlier, and take supplements designed for this purpose. Dr. Sara Gottfried recommends Magnesium, CoQ10, and 5-HTP.

9. Posture

When you have poor posture, you can be causing undue strain on your muscles and it can even affect your breathing patterns by restricting proper airflow. These two effects of poor posture can bring on tension and neck-related headaches.

The Fix

Improving your posture is the first step in relieving posture-related headaches. Shoulders back, pelvis tilted forward, and a tight core is the key components of good posture. Be mindful of the way you stand and sit and make corrections throughout your day.

10. Dehydration

Our brains are 80% water. When it lacks hydration, the brain will shrink and pull away from the skull triggering a headache. Basically, dehydration headaches are caused by inadequate fluid levels in your body.

The Fix

Drink plenty of water, avoid liquids with caffeine, stay cool, and reduce your physical activity. Avoid dehydration headaches altogether by keeping hydrated at all times.

Final Thoughts: Eliminating These Habits Could Offer You Headache Relief

Headaches have different triggers for different people. Monitor and look for patterns of behavior that might be triggering them. If it remains a mystery, consult with your wellness practitioner.

10 Things That Keep You From Achieving

The more you want to achieve something, the more obstacles you will likely face on your quest to reach that goal. If you want to achieve success, you have to stay focused and not let all of the possible distractions keep you from pursuing your goals. However, allowing your passions to flourish and not becoming overwhelmed or discouraged seems impossible at times.

If you have gotten tired of not achieving in life despite your efforts, read on to find out how you can avoid common pitfalls and achieve rather than admit defeat.

10 Things That Keep You From Achieving (And How to Overcome Them):

1. The Internet.

You know when you have to write a paper for work or school, but you go to YouTube instead to watch one video…and ten minutes of indulging in your guilty pleasure somehow turns into three hours of anything but achieving?

To achieve your goals, you have to exercise some self-control, as difficult as it might seem at first. Limit yourself to watching one video, knowing that you can come back later when you finish the tasks at hand. You can also leave open only the tabs that relate to what needs to get done (writing a paper or a blog post, researching for an assignment, etc). The Internet is a wonderful tool for sharing information and learning new things, but you have to make the cyber world work for you.

Prioritize the work first so you can have fun later.

2. Analysis Paralysis.

Maybe you have twenty things you need to accomplish in the next few days, but instead of getting started on just one of them, you analyze ALL of them at once, feeling defeated before you even start.

To avoid this, get in the habit of making structured lists. It gets easier to build momentum once you see the chores or tasks on paper, because then you can have organized, definable goals to work towards rather than a jumbled sea of thoughts clouding your brain.

3. Too much clutter in the brain.

Do you feel like your brain runs the show, and wish you could just switch it off to get some peace and quiet? Maybe you should listen to your gut and do exactly that for a while. Go find a relaxing spot in nature, or even clear out a space in your room, and just leave all the worldly demands behind for a few minutes. Relish in the silence, breathe in deeply, and remind yourself that life really isn’t as serious as we presume.

Your brain can easily overtake you if you don’t give it a well-deserved break each day, so give it a rest for at least five minutes. Then, you will feel much more focused when you get back to work.

4. Living in the future.

achieving-quote

Maybe you have ambitious goals like visiting every country in the world, becoming a best-selling author, running a business, or something of the sort. It’s fine to desire (and visualize) better things in life, but when you get so wrapped up in living a different reality that you no longer enjoy your current one, it will only push you farther away from your dreams.

Create your future intentionally, one small goal at a time. Before you know it, you will have achieved your dreams, not by saying “I will only feel accomplished when I reach X goal,” but by saying “I am consciously working on my goals every day, so they will have no choice but to manifest.”

5. Running on empty.

The average person works too much, sleeps too little, gets scant amounts of nutrition, exercises minimally, and then wonders why they feel so tired. Over time, these conditions can lead to dangerous diseases, or at the very least, a frazzled, worn-out mind.

Make sure you get 7-8 hours of sleep each night, feed your body nourishing foods, get your heart pumping a few times a week, and try not to work to the point of exhaustion. You will find yourself achieving much more when you practice self-care and replenish your energy levels.

6. Giving up too easily.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” – Billy Ocean

This popular phrase just means that when adversity comes along, the most determined people push through it rather than throwing in the towel. Life will only seem difficult if you make it that way, so in reality, no challenge will seem too great if you decide to never give up. It all comes down to your mentality – do you want to be a whiner, or a winner?

You have a choice, so if something is really important to you, find your grit and don’t ever back down.

7. Switching from one thing to another.

We live in the age of multitasking, which means getting more things done in less time. But is that really the best way to achieve goals? If you spread yourself too thin, that means you give 5% to 20 tasks rather than 100% to one task. This will leave you feeling frazzled, and the outcome won’t reflect your best effort.

Try your best to only focus on doing one thing at a time. This is actually our natural state, not jumping around from one thing to another in a frenzied manner. Give more value to everything in your life, and you will start seeing much better results.

8. Fear of failure.

Society teaches that if you make a mistake, you fail at life. However, the only way to truly fail is to never try at all. Don’t become so attached to perfection that you stay in your bubble of safety and comfort – you will never learn and grow if you constantly cling to the shores of familiarity and order.

Go out on a limb and put yourself to the test – if it doesn’t turn out how you hoped, you will at least have experience under your belt so you can do it differently next time. Simply living is the greatest achievement of all, and you can’t live if you trap yourself in the prison of fear.

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein

9. Putting your energy into the wrong things.

Wrong is subjective, of course, but you know how it feels to work toward something that just doesn’t resonate with you. Maybe you have a job that you dread going to each day, but you still feel accomplished when you come home simply because you have gotten something done. However, does your job allow you to work toward your dreams? Does it provide a stepping stone for a bigger goal down the road? This can apply to many things, but jobs seem to continually top the list for why people feel unsatisfied in life.

Try to find a job that reflects your passions, so that you really feel like your energy and efforts are going toward something meaningful to you.

10. Surrounding yourself with negative people.

Do your friends and/or partner support your goals, or tell you why they aren’t realistic? If you feel drained or uninspired after hanging out with someone, and these feelings are reoccurring, you need to stop and ask yourself why you continue to subject yourself to their spew of negativity.

Find people that either aspire for bigger things in life, or at least support you on your journey.

What are some things that have stopped you from achieving, and how have you overcome them?  Add to the discussion below!

10 Ways to Organize Your Mind

Your brain is a tremendous organ. Indeed, it is able to collect and organize the information that even the world’s most advanced supercomputer cannot. Your brain has roughly 100 trillion neural connections (synapses) that constantly relay information to other parts of the brain and body.

Most scientists agree that the human brain is the most complex structure in the universe. Even with state-of-the-art scientific equipment and measurement apparatuses, we are only beginning to scratch the surface of understanding this wonderful creation.

While the brain is incredibly powerful and capable, it is also subject to wayward thinking. This is predominantly a byproduct of evolution, where the reptilian part of the brain – the amygdala – still churns out strange impulses and emotions. It is in the amygdala where the “fight or flight” response is initiated.

Fortunately, the most advanced (and evolved) part of the brain – the forebrain – is capable of overriding these wayward impulses. While certainly not easy at first, the human brain has a wonderful way of entrenching habit into our thinking. In essence, your brain can learn those habits to organize itself.

Here Are 10 Ways to Help Organize Your Mind

1. Don’t multitask

Simply put: the human brain is physiologically incapable of multitasking. Yeah. That one trait that so many workplaces pride themselves on is complete gibberish. The only multitasking that the brain is capable of doing effectively is talking and breathing. Any higher-level task – writing, emailing, filing, cooking, computing, etc., etc. – requires single-tasking. It is the only genuine way to organize.

But you “multi-task” all the time, right? Heck, you’ve got a lot to do and it’s the only way. Sorry to burst your bubble, but what you’re actually doing is switching your brain’s focus from one task on the other. This practice is unhealthy for two reasons: (1) it drains your brain’s energy, and (2) its less effective – requiring more time for the brain to refocus its attention onto a new task.

2. Keep a written list to organize your mind

Your brain, while a computing marvel, still has limited resources. Keeping a list of tasks that need to be accomplished is a great way to free up some much-needed brain space.

The human brain loves written lists. Why? Because lists tap into our brain’s innately attuned way of organizing and understanding information. Specifically, lists are categorical in nature which appeals to the brain’s preference for memorizing stuff. Also, written lists are a great way to mitigate the stress resulting from lapses in memory.

3. Disconnect

Our culture is obsessed with technology. Some prominent mental health experts believe that technology addiction – as in, a chemical and psychological dependence, the same as in drugs and alcohol – is the case for millions of people.

‘Information overload’ on a constant basis is not healthy, as the brain must have time to reflect, refresh and reenergize. A constant stream of incoming data, from a gadget or anything else, is harmful and goes against the natural makeup of the human brain.

Here’s an analogy – do you know how your phone or computer freezes (or shuts down) from time-to-time when you don’t power it down? The same concept applies. It’s all about the working memory, my friends.

4. Be mindful

There’s that word again: mindful. You’ve probably heard (or practiced) mindfulness, meditation or both by now. If you practice mindfulness, good for you…your brain thanks you. If you’re only now hearing about it, consider becoming a student.

Mindfulness is a way of living and of being. Whether you adopt a morning habit of daily meditation or catch a 3-minute mid-afternoon break, you deserve this time.  It’s simply paying attention to what you’re doing without judgment or criticism. When meditating, the focus shifts to the breath, and when the mind wanders gently bringing it back again. Easier said than done, of course, but you can (and should) practice while learning.

Without going scientific journal mode, let’s just say that mindfulness has incredible effects on your brain. There is a bunch of great stuff on the practice available in cyberspace. Here’s a great quote by Daniel Goleman:

“(Mindfulness) is not about clearing the mind; it’s about focusing on one thing. When the mind wanders, meditation is not a failure. Our brain is like a wayward puppy, out of control. Catching it and putting it back is the object of meditation.”

5. Put stuff in the same place

You’ve probably been told this at one time or another. It turns out that there’s a good reason for it. There’s a structure in the brain called the hippocampus, which is the same brain area that tells a squirrel where it buried its nuts…and works quite similarly.

The hippocampus possesses something called “place memory”. This term is appropriate, considering that this structure has the incredible ability to tie important events (placing your keys) to specific places (your refrigerator).

6. Take breaks

As we’ve noted, your brain has limited resources with energy being one of them. The brain is similar to a computer in this sense: the more information that is processed, the more energy is consumed.

Because of this energy consumption, you can’t expect to work in a fast-paced workplace for hours and maintain the same level of efficiency throughout. Thus, breaks are absolutely necessary for your brain. To maximize your break, do something that is enjoyable and stimulating.

7. Use a calendar to organize your schedule

That old calendar in the closet may not be necessary, but it’s still a great idea to use a calendar in some form or another. According to neuroscientists, calendars are terrific for externalizing your memory and freeing up space in your brain.

So download an app, use Outlook, or just get an ole’ fashioned “flip” calendar. Make using a calendar a habit, and watch your life become much easier and less stressful.

8. Use the same password

Nowadays, you need a password for just about every…single…thing. Make it easy on yourself and try to use the same password or a simple variation of it. There are some applications, especially in the workplace, that require the password to be changed for security purposes. A simple solution for this is to change or add a symbol or number.

Remember, your brain is skillful at making repetitive actions a habit. Using the same password or a slight variation will make remembering them much easier while clearing up some much-needed space in the brain.

9. Get adequate sleep

Up until the 1950s, sleep was often a misunderstood phenomenon. We just knew that it got late, we got tired and fell asleep until the next morning. Today, scientists know that sleep is a vital part of brain function. When we don’t get enough sleep, problems occur with concentration, coordination, memory and mood levels.

Scientists generally agree that a minimum of seven hours of sleep is necessary for adults. For teenagers (ages 14-17) at least eight hours, school-age children (6-13) nine hours, preschoolers (3-5) ten hours, toddlers (1-2) at least eleven hours, infants (4-11 months) at least twelve hours, and for newborns at least fourteen.

10. Learn something new

Neuroscience has discovered something else amazing about our brains: it continues to reshape itself.

It was once thought that your brain stopped developing past a certain age – usually the teenage years. Now, science has discovered that your brain continues to change form over the course of your entire lifetime.

When you learn something – anything – your brain creates new connections. These new connections eventually change the overall structure of the part of your brain that is being engaged. Scientists call this “neuroplasticity”, and the significance of its discovery goes well beyond learning to areas such as compensating for traumatic injuries and disease.

101 Ways to Live a Simple Life

Today, we have access to all sorts of gadgets and apps that are supposed to make our lives easier, but ironically, all of these modern technologies only complicate life even more! So, how can we live a simple life in a fast-paced, complex world?

Well, we’ve come up with a list to help you do just that.  Of course, you may not be able to (or want to) do all 101, but if you can pick at least 5 out of this list, you’re off to a great start.

Here are  101 Ways You Can Start to Live a Simple Life, Starting Now:

simple life

  1. Don’t spend money on things you don’t really need.
  2. Avoid debts, if at all possible.
  3. Have a garage sale to get rid of old junk you don’t use.
  4. Buy a bike instead of a car (you’ll save money on insurance, gas, repairs, a car note, and maintenance).
  5. Avoid costly medical bills by adopting a whole food, plant-based diet.
  6. Prep meals for the week ahead of time.
  7. Make your own beauty and hygiene products at home.
  8. Make your own cleaning products (you’ll avoid harmful chemicals and spend less).
  9. Only keep the clothes you actually wear and give away the rest.
  10. Live in a smaller home
  11. (If you’re really feeling up to it) Live off-the-grid (or get grid-adjacent) to reduce or get rid of electric, gas, and water bills.
  12. Start a garden, compost your food, and cut down on your weekly grocery bill.
  13. Every time you buy something new, get rid of something old.
  14. Have designated days to do laundry.
  15. Drop your cell phone plan, and use the Wi-Fi in your home or Internet cafes instead.
  16. Live closer to nature.

  17. Buy a fluoride filter for your entire house so you don’t have to buy jugs on non-fluoridated water.
  18. Live within your means.
  19. Adopt an attitude of gratitude.
  20. Smile like you mean it. 🙂
  21. Avoid drama.
  22. Unplug everything when you’re not using it.
  23. Have a set time each day to check social media (and stick to it).
  24. Cancel your cable bill if you rarely watch TV.
  25. Spend time outdoors as much as possible.
  26. Let go of the past, and live in the present.
  27. Create your future, but don’t worry about what’s to come.
  28. Meditate daily.
  29. Exercise often.

  30. Try to use natural remedies for ailments when possible.
  31. Give items you don’t use to the homeless or poor.
  32. Don’t leave lights on when you’re not home.
  33. Try to buy energy-efficient appliances.
  34. Buy high-quality items that won’t need replacing often.
  35. Automate your bill payments.
  36. Reduce credit cards.
  37. Don’t charge anything you can’t pay back quickly.
  38. Listen more than you talk.
  39. PLAY MORE!!!
  40. Work less. 🙂
  41. Laugh at least 30 times a day.
  42. Take relaxing baths in Epsom salt and lavender oil.
  43. Have friends who inspire you.
  44. Distance yourself from energy vampires.
  45. Write down your goals, and go after them.
  46. Don’t wait for things to happen; make them happen.
  47. Pack what you need for a flight in a carry-on bag only to avoid baggage fees.
  48. Consider buying a used car instead of new.
  49. Downsize when you can.
  50. Become a warrior, not a worrier.

  51. Turn your passion into your job.
  52. See if you can work from home if possible.
  53. Don’t overbook your life.
  54. Spend at least one day a week entirely in nature.
  55. Speak gently to people.
  56. Make your own dog or cat food for pets (cheaper and healthier).
  57. Buy locally grown produce.
  58. Only buy new things when old things break.
  59. Shred old papers you don’t need.
  60. Avoid letting your emails pile up.
  61. Organize your computer files.
  62. Limit your time on social media.
  63. Go with the flow.
  64. Tackle problems before they get out of hand.
  65. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
  66. Don’t chase perfection; embrace imperfections.
  67. Have a home gym to avoid paying for a gym membership.
  68. Or, make nature your gym. 🙂
  69. Make to-do lists.
  70. Simply SMILE.

  71. Forgive and forget.
  72. Make your own baby food if you have young children.
  73. Let your kids play in nature (it’s free) rather than buying them tons of toys.
  74. Move to another country where the cost of living is cheaper.
  75. Try to eliminate bills where you can.
  76. Buy bundled services (phone and internet).
  77. Check emails only a couple times a day.
  78. Pack minimally for trips.
  79. Eat at home more.
  80. Wash dishes right after you eat so they don’t pile up.
  81. Love everyone.
  82. Do all your errands in one go.
  83. Buy clothing that will last.
  84. Make a grocery list before you go shopping.
  85. Have only a couple of email addresses.
  86. Always tell the truth.
  87. Follow your heart.
  88. Appreciate the little things in life.
  89. Practice positive thinking!
  90. Give up alcohol and cigarettes (you’ll save money and your health).
  91. Wake up with the sun to get more done. 🙂
  92. Be productive.
  93. Go to college only if you want to, not because you think you have to.
  94. Become a self-taught learner, and seek information online.
  95. Do what you enjoy, avoid what you don’t.
  96. Ask for help when you need it.
  97. Delegate some chores to your kids or spouse.
  98. Don’t take on more work than you can do.
  99. Stay humble.
  100. Keep an open mind.
  101. Carpool to reduce your carbon footprint and save money on gas.
  102. (BONUS): Live your life in a way that makes you happiest!

How have you learned to live a more simple life? Add your tips to the discussion below!

10 Ways to Instantly Reduce Drama

“Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it.” – Unknown

Drama demands attention. It’s a way of making a person, an action or a thing seem more important than it is. Drama exists in all facets of our lives, and not many can admit to living completely free of it.

Our best tool for drama is understanding our role in and doing things to help reduce the impact of it on our life.

Do you want to reduce the drama in your life?

Here are ten ways you can get rid of drama in two shakes of “whatever”:

drama

1 – React Responsibly

Drama usually starts with a reaction to an action. Recognize how your reactions to other people’s actions might be causing drama. Focus instead on how important the action is to your life. Does it really matter in the long run? Chances are it doesn’t, so react appropriately.

2 – Contribute to Real Conversations

Gossip happens, and nothing good comes from it. Talking about other people and their latest drama will only bring more drama into your life.

If you look at your relationships, you can probably figure out which ones thrive on gossip. Stop feeding the gossip and start conversations based on mutual interests. If you can find a topic and the only thing you have to talk about is the latest gossip, this relationship might not be right for you.

3 – Put Things Into Perspective

When we are in the middle of a drama, it is natural to look at things from our personal perspective. The problem is that our personal perspective has the world revolving around us.

It is important to remember that other people rarely do things because of us or to us. Instead, it is almost always about them. Start looking at the situation through their eyes and try to understand things from their perspective.

4 – Be More Optimistic

When you are surrounded by drama, it is easy to get caught up in all the negative thought patterns that are swirling around you. The more you remain in that negative space, the more your thoughts reflect the negativity. Start questioning your negative thoughts and start re-framing them into a more optimistic viewpoint.

5 – Communicate Honestly

It is not uncommon to remain silent when in dramatic situations in order to not fuel the fire. Remaining silent serves no one. You, most likely, will end up leaving with a bad taste in your mouth and the others involved will have missed an opportunity to learn from a different perspective. Start sharing your thoughts and perspectives in the hopes of shedding some light on the situation.

6 – Be Compassionate

Sharing your thoughts can easily turn into preaching if not careful. It is one thing to express your point of view but avoid trying to convince others to adopt your point of view.

You can’t change someone’s mind, they have to be willing to do that themselves. Try understanding what the other people are experiencing and know their journey is different from yours. When you understand the stories behind the people, accepting them for who they are is a lot easier.

7 – Control Only What You Can

Strong-willed, confident people want to fix everything, even when they know that not everything is fixable. When you insert your will and try to control a situation that isn’t within your control, you will often end up making the situation worse, instead of better. Focus on the things you can control in the situation, like your reactions and your responses.

8 – Look for the Lessons

Sometimes it seems like our life is full of drama. Drama at home, at work and even when you are out having fun. It’s almost as if it is possible to escape it. Instead of focusing on reducing the drama, embrace it for its lessons. How you handle drama will strengthen your resolve during all challenges, especially the ones that matter. So instead of getting frustrated at the drama, try learning from it.

9 – Act How You Want to Feel

So much of how you respond in difficult situations comes from how we are feeling at the moment. It is hard to avoid how we feel because it is the basis of our existence. Instead of acting based on your feelings at the moment, take a few seconds and think about how you would rather feel and proceed with those feelings in mind.

10 – Let it Go

When we encounter drama and difficult situations, it can be hard to separate ourselves from all the influence and thought. We continue to think about it, think of better things we could have said and different ways of reacting.

It is easy to hold on to the drama and let it infiltrate other areas of our life. Be conscious about its effect on you and begin to make the choice to let it go. Focus your attention on something that serves you better because let’s face it, drama is everywhere, and it is almost impossible to avoid completely. Our only choice is to be aware of our part in it and do what we can to reduce it.

Add to the discussion below: How do you reduce drama in your life?

8 Habits That Are Toxic To Your Relationship

Relationships feed our life. Strong relationships make us happier, they keep us healthier, they provide us purpose and they help us live longer. This is true for both romantic relationships as well as relationships with friends.

It’s important to realize that every relationship is different, and you shouldn’t model your behavior on anyone else’s. Here are some commonly accepted habits that might actually be causing harm to your relationships without you even knowing it.

8 Accepted Habits That Are Actually Toxic To Your Relationship

1 – Forgetting Friends

When a relationship is new, it is fresh and fun. It is no wonder we want to spend all of our time there. We have all been guilty of choosing to spend more time with someone new in our lives at the cost of ignoring our other relationships.

You can explain it however you like, but ignoring your existing healthy relationships for one that is new is hurtful and can cause strain. Make sure and keep room for existing relationships while your new one is growing.

2 – Becoming Complacent

When we get comfortable, we get lazy. All the things we are excited to do when a relationship is new seems more of an inconvenience over time.

Everyone wants to feel appreciated and special, and the longer you are together, the more important it becomes to put some effort into keeping your relationship special. No matter how long you have been together, it is never a bad idea to surprise your partner with something that says how you feel.

3 – Spending Every Moment Together

Strong relationships happen between strong people, and strong people are strong because of the work they do on themselves. Giving up your interests for your relationship is a mistake.

Finding some balance around your “together” time and “a part” time, so that each of you can maintain your individual interests is important for long-lasting and healthy relationship.

4 – Bad-Mouthing Your Partner

You might consider it venting, but when you talk bad about your partner with someone else you are lowering their opinion of your partner. Their lowered opinion will last much longer than your feeling in this moment.

Instead of venting to someone outside of your relationship, try venting in a journal. It can help release some of the frustration, allowing you to have a discussion with your partner when you are in a much better frame of mind.

5 – Being Easily Irritated

All those quirky habits you used to love turn into the things that irritate you most. The irritation will never get better so you either have to accept it or have a conversation about it. In the end, put it in perspective. Is it bad enough that you are willing to end your relationship? If not, it is time to let your fixation with it go.

6 – Remaining Silent

The old saying, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” doesn’t necessarily work in a relationship. The silent treatment doesn’t help you solve problems. Avoiding difficult discussions just allows issues to fester and eventually get blown out of proportion. Resolve to communicate in a respectful and kind way.

7 – Putting Your Partner to the Test

Sometimes we need to be assured that our partner loves us and so we make demands or challenges to see how far they are willing to go for us. Granted this is most common in the beginning stages of a relationship and often come from our fear of being abandoned.

This kind of “testing” is demeaning to your partner and your relationship. When you have doubts or insecurities, try to understand where they are originating. Instead of testing, try communicating. Expressing your insecurities is the ultimate sign of commitment, and together you can work through how best to solve the issue.

8 – Avoiding Discussions About the Future

It’s hard to know when to bring up the “future” for the first time but avoiding it can also be a mistake. If it is on your mind and you don’t feel safe to talk about it, then maybe the relationship isn’t right. By not talking about it all, you are doing is bringing more negative attention to it. The problem with the “future” discussion is that most people want the future ironed out in one sitting. Instead, try approaching it in small doses.

Ask questions like, “What does your future at work look like?” and “Do you think settling down here is in your plan?” Questions that bring up the topic in a non-threatening way can easily lead to more meaningful discussions.

relationship quoteFinal Thoughts: Develop Better Relationship Habits

There are a lot of things we do in our relationships with the intent of trying to keep the peace. Simply “keeping the peace” should never be the goal. Learning, understanding and growing together is what you are striving for. And just like anything new, there will be growing pains.

Just remember good relationships are built on honest communication, shared values, and individual and shared happiness.

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