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5 Ways to Forgive and Let Go

“Forgive others. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

When we come into this world, we have no concept of pain, deceit, or betrayal. We retain these feelings as we navigate life, though, and they build up over time if we fail to go within and clear our energy bodies of these toxic thoughts. Holding grudges can literally make us feel ill; it causes dis-ease of the mind, which can then breed physical diseases as well.

At first, it won’t come easily to forgive those who hurt you in the past, but it’s necessary in order to evolve and shed yourself of your “pain-body” as Eckhart Tolle calls it in his book “The Power of Now.” These tips will help you get started on the path of healing your emotional pain and allow the light to shine on your soul once again.

5 Ways to Forgive and Let Go

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1. Don’t try, just be.

While setting and achieving goals is a part of life, don’t allow the process of reaching new heights to keep you from staying grounded in the present moment. You have to accept where you’re at in your journey right now before you can begin to work towards forgiveness. Even then, don’t stress out about the distance between your state of consciousness and forgiving others – just take one step at a time, staying present during every phase of the process.

When you give up the need to try, you allow your natural state to come through effortlessly. Believe in yourself and remember you have incredible potential as a spiritual being at this very moment. Just as you shouldn’t hold onto past pain, you also shouldn’t cause more pain for yourself by criticizing your progress. Breathe, and remember you have so much more value than you give yourself credit for.

2. Don’t identify with any thoughts – just silently observe them.

We cause unnecessary pain by quickly attaching to our thoughts instead of mindfully watching them. Our egos (minds) always want to fight for control, so the key here is to back down. Don’t strive to eliminate or change your thoughts; become aware of them. Once you develop awareness regarding your mind, you will realize the Ego wants to play tricks on you.

The true self lies within your heart and soul – by tuning in more to your feelings rather than thoughts, you will start to vibrate on a higher frequency, and destructive thoughts about your past will enter your mind less often.

The National Science Foundation estimated a number of years ago that people have an average of 70,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, with 80% of those being negative, and 95% being repeated. That means that we aren’t really thinking – we’re remembering. To get our brains rewired for more helpful thoughts, we have to refrain from labeling those thoughts as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ They’re simply thoughts, and you don’t actually own them – they come and go as they please from the collective consciousness. You may not control what enters your brain, but you can control how you react to it.

3. Send out love to those who hurt you.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wishing harm to others will only destroy you in the end. Think about it. When you send negative vibes into the universe, you lower your vibration, inviting bad karma in. You attract what you are. Therefore, you only perpetuate the pain you feel in your own life by seeking revenge. You won’t feel free until you surrender to love, so you have to love those who caused you suffering, as hard as it might seem.

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You don’t have to do this overnight. But taking small steps to increase the love in your heart will result in a positive outcome every time. Relinquish your addiction to feeling pain, and there you will find ultimate liberation and fulfillment.

4. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

“Hurt people, hurt people; healed people, heal people.”

As simple as this concept seems, many of us forget it in the haste of our daily lives. So much suffering continues on the planet because those who have been hurt keep the pain alive, passing it on to someone else. To avoid spreading this dis-ease of the mind and soul, accept that you can control your own emotions, and others have no ability to affect you negatively unless you allow them to. Focus all your energy not on tearing others down, but on building yourself up.

The work is ultimately the same, but you will feel more accomplished by improving yourself than destroying others. Plus, you will have found peace within, and that feels much better than harboring toxic thoughts.

5. Forgive because expecting perfection is unrealistic.

We live in a world where people make mistakes, and they make them often. While some have worse consequences than others, many happen accidentally, not on purpose. We all are just trying to survive, and most don’t intentionally wish bad things upon others. Please realize that we all swim in the same sea and battle the same currents. All of us try to keep our heads above the water, but sometimes we sink throughout this test of life. Does that mean we should be punished because we slipped up for once? Allow people to make mistakes and grow, and try to remember that you once probably made the same mistake.

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Final Thoughts: Let Go, Forgive, and Continue to Evolve

You can forgive others much easier when you remember that they, like you, are human and vulnerable to the same mishaps and road bumps. If you are ready to forgive and let go, repeat the following affirmation:

I forgive and release. I am enabling my walk toward a brighter future! Shine on!

7 Ways to Show Gratitude When You Need It Most

It’s easy to be grateful when life is going according to plan. Life, however, rarely goes according to plan. There are times when being grateful is hard, and it is in these times that your gratitude practice will serve you most.

Being grateful isn’t something to achieve, it’s part of who we are and it comes from being. There may never be a day when you will feel you are the most grateful person you can be, and your work is complete. Occasionally there will be a dark day where finding even a sliver of gratitude will be challenging.

Here are 7 ways to show gratitude when you need it most.

1 – Remember That You’re A Work In Progress

As mentioned above, you may not be in a place when everything is exactly the way you want, and there isn’t anything more that you desire. Life is a work in progress, and if you keep that perspective, you will know this dark day is just one day.

Trust your instincts, let your intuition guide you knowing you will make mistakes and that mistakes are a part of making progress. Focus less on the end game and more on getting there. Do something small today to make tomorrow a bit brighter.

2 – Reframe The Complaint

According to Psychology Today, the average person complains 15-30 times per day. That is some serious complaining. In fact, complaining is the number one enemy of gratitude because it’s common, it happens daily, it’s easy to do, and it happens without us even realizing it.

When you hear yourself complaining, make it a requirement to force yourself to accept or change the situation. You can do that by adding an “and” to the end of your complaint.

Here’s an example: I don’t like my job. My boss always yells at me. He makes me feel like a failure … and … I have scheduled a meeting to discuss how I feel.

By adding the “and”, you aren’t resting on the complaint but instead changing the focus to a positive solution or alternative.

3 – Keep Gratitude Visible

Gratitude only works if you keep it visible. Sharing your intentions, expressing gratitude in conversations, and truly integrating gratitude into your daily life is necessary if you intend on becoming a grateful person.

When we keep gratitude visible, it infiltrates our lives through other sources like family, friends and even acquaintances. During tough times, all these sources will become your support to help remind you of the things you are grateful for.

4 – Seek Gratitude

Situations often seem worse than they are when we are in the middle of it all. When things are tough, sometimes you have to go out looking for things that make you grateful.

Think back on some of the mistakes you made and searched for the lesson. What did learning that lesson teach you? Maybe you avoided a similar mistake with a bigger impact or maybe you made a different decision that led to a success.

Either way, that mistake and the lesson you learned are something to recognize. Another place to hunt for moments of gratitude might be in things that didn’t happen.

You never know what you avoided by being late, missing the train or failing to get a job. Understand that there may be something to be grateful for in the things that go wrong.

5 – Make Gratitude Intentional

It’s easy to go through the motions of practicing gratitude but not so easy to intentionally focus on becoming more grateful. Contradictory feelings cannot reside in the same space. If you are feeling grateful, it is impossible to feel envious or resentful.

Create intention around your gratitude practice. Ask yourself, “Why do I want to be grateful?” Then ask, “What will my life look like if I choose not to be grateful?” Hopefully, you will begin to understand why a practice of gratitude is important for you and create a clear intention and vision around your practice.

6 – Remember the Little Things

There will be days when you take a moment to express what you are grateful for, and it just doesn’t come out – no matter how hard you try.

Surely you can’t just put it off, especially when you need it most. So what do you do?

You refer to the little things that matter most, whether they’re already stored in your head, or on paper – these things may be exactly what you need to get through. They might not be the big moments that made you thankful, but they are the subtle gifts that are ever-present in your life. They are things like a family, food on the table, a roof over your head and so on.

It’s the little things that can help you remember the bigger things you’re grateful for. For this reason alone, it is an essential element in your gratitude practice.

7 – When All Else Fails – Look Up

So much of our day is spent moving from point A to point B with our head down. When all else fails, try looking up.

You will find gratitude when strangers smile back at you, you will find curiosity in the beautiful architecture and will marvel at the stunning landscape and foliage that surround you every day.

When you look up, you open your eyes to the world before you and the possibility around you.

Going beyond practicing gratitude and becoming a grateful person is the key to keeping gratitude present when you need it most. Wake up every day with the intention of being grateful and grateful you will be.

Join the discussion: How have you found gratitude when you needed it most?

10 Things to Stop Expecting From Others

We put ourselves through unnecessary suffering when we have unreasonable expectations for others or constantly put them under a microscope. Of course, we all deserve basic things in relationships, like respect, but counting on anything other than that may leave you sorely disappointed.

Remember that everyone is at a different place on their journey, so their words and actions will reflect that. If you want to have more successful, happier relationships with people, it’s important that you…

Stop Expecting These 10 Things From Others:

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1. Stop expecting them to always do the “right thing” based on your standards.

People’s morals and ethics differ based on a lot of factors, like their upbringing, culture, spiritual beliefs, etc. Let’s say you never swear, but your friend curses like a sailor.

Does that make him or her wrong? Well, to some it does, but expecting them to do right in your eyes will always end in frustration because right and wrong aren’t clearly defined.

Just focus on adhering to your own morals, and let others live as they choose, as long as it doesn’t hurt you or the people you care about.

2. Stop expecting them to be perfect.

If you view imperfections as perfect, then you won’t ever feel disappointed. However, a lot of people still give others a really hard time when they slip up, and it makes them feel like a letdown, plus it can seriously strain relationships.

If anything, you should actually discourage others from becoming perfectionists, because this obsessive compulsion to have everything just right can lead to depression, anxiety, chronic diseases, and a higher risk of suicide, according to a paper in the Review of General Psychology.

Allow people to make mistakes and learn from them, and think about how life would be if no one ever messed up. We’d be a world full of cold, heartless robots, and I don’t think anyone wants to see that reality play out!

3. Stop expecting them to agree with every word you say.

Even the best of friends don’t agree on everything, so don’t get upset when people challenge what you say, or simply have a different opinion. The world would be quite boring if no one ever disagreed; our unique perspectives and beliefs allow the planet to keep evolving and moving toward better solutions.

Think about what would happen if we all agreed with continuing to use fossil fuels to power our cars, houses, and just about everything in our lives…we wouldn’t have solar panels and electric cars if no one challenged the mainstream!

4. Stop expecting them to read your mind.

Some people have a more finely tuned intuition, but others just can’t read feelings or faces as well. Just because you might be more sensitive and understanding of how others feel doesn’t mean other people are on the same wavelength.

Not everyone wants to become a psychic, so express yourself clearly so others don’t have to guess your thoughts all the time. Honest, open communication builds stronger relationships, too.

5. Stop expecting them to pick you up every time you fall.

Of course, good friends and family will help you when you need it, but don’t count on them to brush the dirt off your shoulders every time. Maybe they have their own internal struggles and can’t carry the weight of both your problems and theirs at the moment, so try to understand their point of view.

They want to help, but just can’t for the time being. That doesn’t mean they don’t care, it just means you have to channel your inner warrior and fight your own battles sometimes.

6. Stop expecting them to understand you.

“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s fine. It’s not theirs to make sense of – it’s yours.” – Unknown

As long as you understand you, you won’t feel the need to gain acceptance from others. Then, the fact that they just don’t “get” you won’t really phase you anymore.

7. Stop expecting them to treat you how you treat them.

Ideally, everyone would follow the golden rule, but we don’t live in a perfect world. Until everyone becomes more conscious, we will just have to accept that people will still treat us poorly because they lack a true relationship with themselves.

View their attitude from a compassionate stance, and you won’t feel so hurt if people don’t treat you as kindly as you treat them.

8. Stop expecting them to be the same person they were a year ago.

People change over time based on their experiences and circumstances.

Every day, people fight a tough battle that no one truly understands but them, so keep this in mind when you get the urge to judge them. Love everyone no matter what or who they’ve become, not just if they meet your ideals or standards.

9. Stop expecting them to always have everything together.

Life throws everyone a curveball from time to time, and it may take people longer than expected to make it up to the plate. Have compassion for others, and understand that everyone is just trying to do the best they can. Focus on bringing more value to the world and into your relationships, and don’t try to control or chastise others for how they handle their lives.

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10. Stop expecting them to give you love if you don’t first offer it to yourself.

All relationships start and end with you, so truly have to cultivate love within yourself first if you want it to make that full circle back to you. Using others to shower you with the love you refuse to give yourself will only lead to strained, insincere relationships. Developing a more loving attitude toward yourself, however, will bring about beautiful, thriving relationships.

“Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first.” – Carrie Bradshaw

This 5 Minute Morning Exercise Will Revitalize Your Life

Making exercise a priority in the morning can be challenging. I think most people would agree that exercising in the morning is a good thing, but the reality is time always seems to get in the way. Fortunately, the sun salutation is an easy addition to your routine.

Many benefits come from a morning exercise routine, such as:

So what’s the solution to realize these benefits and many more? It’s a yoga sequence called Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskara). Sun Salutation is a 5-minute morning exercise that will revitalize your life and send you off to tackle your day with a sense of calm and purpose.

Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskara)

The sun salutation is a sequence of postures, each with its meaning and function. It is a daily practice intended for dawn and sunset and done in the sun’s direction. Ideally, you would practice Sun Salutation outside to be in nature when honoring the sun and sharing your gratitude for its energy, but it isn’t a requirement.

The Benefits of Doing Sun Salutation Every Morning

Regular and faithful practice of Sun Salutation in the mornings can benefit you in the following ways. It:

  1. Strengthens the entire digestive system.
  2. It invigorates and restores the nervous system.
  3. It energizes the heart and regulates blood pressure and heart palpitations.
  4. The sun salutation promotes healthy lungs and breath.
  5. Stimulates glandular activity.
  6. Strengthens the muscles in your upper and lower body, including your abdomen and back.
  7. Reduces excess fat on the body.
  8. It improves kidney function.
  9. Encourages proper posture.
  10. Brings clarity to your mind.

Basically, a morning ritual that includes Sun Salutation will benefit all your vital organs, muscles, your mind, and it will provide shape and strength to your body in a healthy, natural way.

Practicing the Sun Salutation Exercise

The good thing about Sun Salutation is it is perfect for all levels. The series is made up of eight beginning yoga poses that take you through twelve stations. Depending on how many sequences you choose to do, it can take you anywhere from 5 minutes to longer.

Make sure you are in comfortable clothing, and barefoot is best. The below-detailed instructions come courtesy of The Yoga Journal.

How to Perform the Sun Salutation:

  1. To begin, stand in Tadasana (Mountain Pose). Distribute your weight evenly over both feet. Establish a slow, steady rhythm for your breath. Find your center.
  1. Next, inhale and stretch your arms out to the side and overhead into Urdhva Hastasana (Upward Salute). Reach your heart and arms to the heavens, sending your greeting to the sun.
  1. As you exhale, hollow out your belly and fold into Uttanasana (Standing Forward Bend), connecting down into the earth. Keep your legs firmly engaged.
  1. Inhale and lengthen your spine forward into Ardha Uttanasana (Half Standing Forward Bend). In this pose, the gaze is lifted, the spine is extended, and the fingertips can stay on the floor or rise to the shins.
  1. Exhale and step or lightly hop your feet back behind you into Plank Pose. Your wrists should be flat on the floor, shoulder distance apart, and your feet should be at hip distance. Take a full breath in as you lengthen through your spine.
  1. Exhale and lower into Chaturanga Dandasana (Four-Limbed Staff Pose), keeping your legs straight and pushing back into your heels or bringing your knees to the floor. Build heat in the center of your body as you hold this challenging posture.
  1. Inhale and carve your chest forward into Urdhva Mukha Svanasana (Upward-Facing Dog), directing that energy out from your heart. Pull your shoulders back and open your collarbones. Engage your legs but relax your gluteal muscles.
  1. Exhale and roll over the toes, coming into Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog Pose). Ground down through your hands and feet as you lengthen your spine. Remain here for five breaths.
  1. On your fifth exhale, bend your knees and look between your hands. Then inhale and step or lightly hop your feet between your hands, returning to Ardha Uttanasana.
  1. Exhale back to Uttanasana, surrendering into the fold.
  1. Inhale, reaching your arms out wide to your sides and coming to stand through a flat back. Feel a renewed sense of energy as you draw your arms overhead into Urdhva Hastasana.
  1. Exhale and return to Tadasana, your home base. Remain here for a few breaths, feeling the movement of energy through your body, or continue to your next salute.:

However, this is only half the sequence. Next, you will repeat it switching legs. If the flow between poses is challenging, you might want to begin by practicing the poses individually until you are sure you are in good form.

Final Thoughts on the Sun Salutation Exercise

Realizing the benefits of practicing Sun Salutation requires intention and regularity. Of course, this is true of any yoga practice. Ideally, you will want to practice it every day, but if it is a challenge, try for every other day.

The ultimate goal is to develop a regular practice, and when you do, it won’t be long until your day feels incomplete without your morning ritual.

5 Things Every Relationship Needs to Stop Doing

Relationships are hard. Our ideas about the “perfect” relationship often get in the way of the work we need to do. It’s easy to lose sight of the goal – which should be to live a happy life together.

In fact, according to Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Southern California, “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work.”

“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.” ~ Hugh Mackay

Knowing nothing is perfect, and those relationships are complex, it makes sense to be mindful of how we approach them.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Here are 5 things every relationship needs to stop doing:

1 – Stop Taking Each Other For Granted

Once the honeymoon period of your relationship is over, it is easy to become complacent and take each other for granted. Not intentionally, of course, it just happens. It starts by forgetting to thank your partner when he picks you up from work or can be something as simple as answering your phone during dinner.

The Fix: Start being grateful

Appreciating your partner and being thankful for the little things they do, set a foundation of gratitude in your relationship. Research suggests that expressing gratitude to your partner can make your relationship stronger, make your partner feel valued and increase your commitment to the relationship and your partner.

And it’s not just external expressions of gratitude that are beneficial either. Internal expressions of gratitude for your relationship are just as important. Feeling grateful for your partner and your relationship but not necessarily expressing it will increase your and your partner’s satisfaction levels.

2 – Stop Being Couch Potatoes

In order to be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy with yourself. When life gets busy and hectic, making exercising together a priority can be challenging. There are a million reasons to skip your workout but how does that make you feel – sluggish or lazy, maybe? Those are not feelings you want to bring into your relationship.

The Fix: Start exercising together

Exercising together is a great way to build a stronger relationship. Couples that exercise together will see physical benefits, but you will be surprised to learn that your emotional connections also become stronger.

3 – Stop Trying to One-Up Each Other

Everyone knows that communication is a critical building block to a solid foundation but communicating with each other is only half the battle. The other half is communicating using the same language. Much of any day is spent trying to impress colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. You might not be consciously doing it, but it’s happening. When that need to impress comes into your relationships, it can work against you.

The Fix: Start talking the same language

Stop trying to be better and start finding common ground. When you and your partner are working from the same vocabulary list including quantifiers, pronouns, and adjectives, you have a higher likelihood of getting on the same page and keeping it together.

4 – Stop Clinging to Each Other

A relationship is only as strong as its two parts, and when those two parts get lost, the bond weakens. The initial attraction in any relationship is the individual qualities of each person. Fostering those characteristics and allowing you and your partner to continue to grow as individuals will make your relationship healthier and more satisfying.

The Fix: Don’t be afraid to spend time apart

Make self-discovery and growth a priority. Learn to appreciate each other during absences. It emphasizes the value of your relationship and makes you covet what you have.

5 – Stop Setting Expectations

Setting expectations beyond love can backfire. As two people work together on a relationship, the people and the relationship will evolve. The problem with expectations is they rarely evolve in pre-determined ways.  Setting expectations means you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

The Fix: Let the relationship naturally evolve

Love freely, nurture your love and allow it to grow without limitations. Let your love for each other, not your expectations, determine where your relationship will go. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, peaks and valleys. There will be days when you are so in love that you can’t think of anything else and then there will be days when you feel like giving up. That is normal. What is not normal is giving up.

Final Thoughts on Stopping Poor Relationship Habits

Remember, you are in a partnership and partnerships require respect, commitment, communication, and compromise. It’s not all about you. Instead, it is a formula that includes both you and your partner. That means their happiness is just as important as yours. And when you make each other’s happiness a priority, you will see your relationship thrive.

6 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

What makes someone successful? Is it book smarts, street smarts or a combination of the two? Is someone naturally gifted in their field? In fact, most successful people have emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is knowing how to remain calm in the face of adversity and collected and focused despite external challenges. Moreover, it is the quality that makes people happy and successful.

That is good news because unlike being naturally-gifted, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned, practiced and improved.

In a study on emotional intelligence, a group of participants given emotional intelligence training were better able to handle difficult situations and manage their emotions than the group that received no training at all. The study also showed that the one-time training lasted well beyond the experiment. This means the work you do now will benefit you well into the future.

Here are 6 ways to develop your emotional intelligence:

1 – Be Self-Aware

The first step to increasing your emotional intelligence is to understand your emotions by becoming aware of them. We are often told to hide our feelings but to tap into your emotional intelligence you need to feel.

Start by observing what you are feeling during one given day. Stop yourself and let yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling.

Feel it and then describe it. When you describe it, you are becoming more aware and will begin to understand your emotional triggers and patterns.

2 – Adapt Your Emotions

Now that you are becoming more aware of your emotions start looking for patterns and triggers. Look back at a situation where your emotions got the best of you and think of what you would do differently if you had remained calm and collected.

This mental exercise isn’t about beating yourself up; it is about learning from your past experiences to better prepare you for the future. The best place to be when reacting to a situation is in a place of calm. Once you begin to recognize the patterns, you can talk yourself out of overreacting and begin to react with more intention.

3 – Forgive

Forgiveness is often misinterpreted as letting someone off the hook. The reality is forgiveness is about taking back emotional control over your feelings and releasing the control someone else has over you. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Forgiveness is acknowledging that the action happened and how it made you feel. There is nothing there that can be changed. You can choose to reside in the feelings of the past or choose to move through them. Moving through it and letting it go is the one the healthiest and most beneficial things you can do for yourself.

4 – Be Empathetic

Understanding your feelings is only half the equation, the other half is understanding and being able to imagine how others feel. Empathy connects you to another person through shared feelings.

By nature we are selfish beings; we want what we want. And that works just fine until you have to interact with another selfish person. It is through shared feelings that we begin to find our true, authentic self. Our ability to empathize with people gives us the courage to live outside of ourselves.

5 – Manage Criticism

We are critical beings, and one of the best and easiest ways to increase emotional intelligence is to stop taking everything so seriously. In other words, lighten up.

How you manage the criticism you receive, can impact every area of your life. If you are holding onto critical statements and carrying them with you throughout the day, that negativity is infecting everything you touch.

It’s important to realize that most criticism that evokes negative feelings in us is usually designed for that purpose by the other person. When we react negatively to criticism, whether constructive or not, we are reacting out of our fears and insecurities.

Go back to becoming more self-aware and adapt your emotions to the situation. When you begin to react to criticism from a place of calm rather than anger, you begin to see the criticism as a valuable tool for improving your performance and showing someone’s true colors.

6 – Stand Up for What Is Right

When you begin to develop your emotional intelligence, you are just trying to get better acquainted with your feelings and how to adapt them to serve you better. Every interaction comes with emotions from everyone involved, and now it’s time to take your emotional intelligence to a new level by standing up for what is right.

Gossiping is a prime example. When you are in a conversation that includes gossip, you might not have the most positive feelings yet you let the gossip go on. There are a million reasons why you do: you don’t want to offend anyone, you want to be part of the crowd, or you don’t know how to take a stand.

By not doing what is right, which is speaking from your experience, you are not adapting your emotions to the situation, you are giving in to them. Do what’s right and take a stand for your truth. It is not always easy swimming upstream, but the effort always pays off in the end.

Developing and growing your emotional intelligence is something that anyone can do. It doesn’t require a high IQ or access to higher education, it simply requires you to become vulnerable enough to listen and learn from your feelings.

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