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10 Signs You’re Maturing, Not Just Aging

Are you maturing or aging?

“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” – Carroll Bryant

Upon the arrival of “adulthood”, society expects us to abandon our childlike tendencies, get a job, buy our own houses, and fall in line so we can become responsible, upstanding citizens of the world. As we get older, we tend to keep following the same old script, and somehow lose ourselves along the way. A lot of us feel much older than our age and wish we could turn back the hands of time. But, what if we said that you don’t have to become a hardened robot in order to attain maturity?

You don’t have to grow up to grow old – you can gain wisdom and experience without letting the strain of life age you. To know whether you have actually been maturing as you age, without simply growing old, let the following signs help you decide.

1. You have embraced your highest self.

A lot of people feel so old because they let their souls die in favor of fitting in and following the status quo. They give up their dreams and passions because they feel that the scripted reality seems much more achievable. By following the safe route in life, many feel dead before they even see their 21st birthday. However, a person who can be themselves and do what they love despite what others say marks a sign of maturity and self-actualization, a milestone many don’t reach because they’re too busy being someone other than themselves.

2. You go with the flow in life.

Most of society constantly fight the natural flow of life, thinking that this will get them to the next rung on the ladder more quickly. Yet, many of these people remain stuck in these cyclical patterns their whole lives, never feeling satisfied with their current situation. They might make $50,000 one year and not feel fulfilled because they really wanted to make $500,000, so the vicious pattern continues.

Mature people realize that they must surrender to what is before they can appreciate what’s to be. They have a resilient, optimistic attitude, which helps them handle life’s ups and downs much easier.

3. The material, economic world doesn’t define you.

You don’t care about keeping up with the Joneses, because you realize that this becomes fruitless after a while. Someone else will always have more than you, but you don’t let that bother you. You feel thankful for what you do have and strive to do your best every day. Maybe you won’t become a millionaire and have an impeccable credit score and a sprawling mansion, but you know you can’t take these things with you anyway. You have detached yourself somewhat from the rat race, and know that your true value comes from the size of your heart, not your bank account.

4. You see life as a playground and have fun often.

You view responsibility as staying true to your heart and being able to create your own happiness, not paying a bunch of bills and sitting in an office all day. While most of us must pay bills to survive, we don’t have to sell our souls in the process. Adults are often viewed as immature if they act like children, but aren’t we all just kids in adult bodies anyway? You know that having a whimsical, carefree disposition is vital to maturing gracefully and have never given in to society’s idea of growing up. You still run through sprinklers in the summer and play hide-and-seek sometimes, and you don’t care what others think about it.

5. You have learned to adopt a positive attitude.

Our predominant thoughts about life determine what kind of person we become, and you know that having a positive outlook will sculpt you into a much more balanced, happy person. You have given up the need to complain, compare yourself to others, and engage with people or activities that will only bring you down. Aging people often have a bitter attitude about life, but maturing people have realized the value of optimism. You have so much love and positivity in your heart that you can’t help but spread it around, and others appreciate your upbeat attitude.

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6. You don’t try to change what you can’t control.

You know that you only have control over yourself, so you don’t waste energy on attempting to change others. In addition, you know that change is the only constant in life, and embrace whatever life throws at you. You roll with the punches, try to become the best version of yourself, and realize that life’s beauty becomes apparent when you surrender to the unexpected.

7. You have unconditional love for everyone you meet.

Maybe you used to judge people, including yourself, in your earlier years. However, you eventually realized that only love would set you free, so you became more understanding and compassionate toward yourself and everyone else. You don’t criticize yourself or others on this journey of life and know that everyone must take their own paths to self-discovery. You embrace the duality of human nature and have even learned to love people who don’t show it in return.

8. You think before reacting.

You weigh people’s words carefully and don’t let your emotions get out of hand. Plus, you respond to people with reason and try to fully understand their point of view. Even if you feel they are out of line, you don’t stoop down to their level. You discuss issues with them calmly and don’t let your temper overtake the conversation. A true sign of maturity is when you can try to understand people that have hurt you instead of trying to get revenge on them.

9. You have mastered the art of listening.

You have humbled your ego enough to where you can listen intently to another person without feeling the need to interject your own opinion before they get finished speaking. And now, you know that you can learn more by listening than you can by talking, so you quiet your inner dialogue as much as possible and allow yourself to fully absorb other’s unique outlook on life.

10. You know what patience truly means.

In this world of instant gratification, you know the value of patience. You don’t expect things to just fall into your lap or happen instantly; instead, you put in the effort and wait for the rewards to materialize, no matter how long it takes. You don’t demand anything of life. Instead, you know that you owe something to it. You know the satisfaction of living a slower-paced life than most of society and try to set a positive example for a world that seems to move much too quickly. You realize you will get more out of life if you slow down and observe it rather than let everything pass you by.

Are you maturing as you age? Share how your experience relates in the discussion below. And, be sure to follow our Facebook page

15 Ways to Regain Inner Strength

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he strain of a fast-paced life and societal expectations can easily beat you down if you let it, and many of us tend to get lost in the web of modern life. Maybe you woke up one day and felt that you didn’t know yourself anymore, and wished you could feel alive and vibrant like you used to. Your inner strength is still there. It’s up to you to dig deep and grab it.

If you want to reignite the spark within and regain your own inner strength, these life hacks may come in handy for you.

15 Ways to Regain Inner Strength:

1. Seek out enjoyable hobbies and activities.

Simply put, many people feel dead inside because they don’t do what they love every day. However, you can always turn your life around – make a list of things you have always wanted to try, and see if your area offers anything on your bucket list. Even if you have a full-time job, you can still take an hour each day to garden, go biking, knit, draw, or just anything that makes you forget about the pressures in life.

2. Set small, achievable goals for yourself.

Overcoming challenges and doing something you thought you couldn’t do gives a sense of accomplishment and direction. However, you can easily feel defeated if you don’t reach that milestone, so break it up into smaller pieces. Once you start attaining smaller victories that feel comfortable, you can more easily reach those flags at the finish line.

3. Find balance in life.

Working too much can make you feel drained and unmotivated to do much else. No one can maintain high energy levels if they work their lives away and neglect relationships with themselves and others, recreational time, their health, and other important aspects of life. Allot time each day for things other than work, and you will soon start to enjoy life again.

4. Don’t let negative emotions get the best of you.

inner-strength

You can acknowledge your feelings without giving into them and letting them rule your life. Let them wash over you, and then do something constructive with that energy. Put pain, frustration, loneliness, or whatever negative emotion you feel to good use; this way, your feelings become action, and action becomes change.

5. Choose to not let anything outside yourself dictate your emotions.

By taking ownership of your own feelings, you can truly become the master of your reality. If you feel negatively, go within to see what blockages you need to address, and ask the universe to guide you along your path. When you start to emit your own frequency rather than succumbing to the energy of others, you will start to feel invincible.

6. Never stay in an unhappy situation.

Change is the only constant in life, and you will have to learn to let go of things or people that no longer serve you. By staying in a negative situation just because you have grown accustomed to it, you will rob yourself of happiness and balance. Exercise your free will and get out of any relationship, job, or other circumstance that doesn’t feel right to you.

7. Make self-discovery a priority in the quest for inner strength.

If you want to reinvent yourself, you have to get to know every single crevice of your soul, even the dark corners you feel afraid to venture into. Go within and listen to your inner voice; if you don’t silence your mind and let your highest self come to the surface, you will only further suffocate your authenticity.

“Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not.” – Mooji

8. Avoid labeling yourself.

When you label something, you restrict it so that it can’t become anything outside of the stereotypes associated with the labels. For example, maybe you call yourself shy. This makes you believe you cannot feel confident going up to strangers and literally constricts you into your shell. Get used to identifying with the phrase “I AM” without putting any adjectives after it. Notice how liberated you feel afterward.

9. Start meditating regularly.

Once again, we go back to meditation because it can absolutely transform your life. You will start to become the awareness behind your thoughts and feelings and begin to discover your limitless power in the silence between your thoughts. More than anything else, going within and connecting with the universe will reestablish your strength and help you get in touch with your divine origins.

10. Eat a balanced, whole foods diet.

You quite literally become what you eat, so by eating heavily processed, sugary, refined foods, you will deplete your energy and start to feel lethargic. Give your body what it deserves – raw, fresh, ripe fruits and vegetables and unrefined starches, and you will begin to feel more alive both physically and mentally.

11. Move your body to build both outer and inner strength.

Exercising doesn’t only transform your outer self – it can give your inner self a healthy new glow and increased vitality. When you exercise, you release endorphins and other feel-good chemicals that help to rewire your brain and give you clarity, and you can start with just a short walk around your neighborhood each day. Most importantly, do some form of exercise that feels enjoyable to you.

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12. Live compassionately.

While many people don’t live this way, you can choose to rise above the status quo and instill new behaviors in society. Offer a helping hand to other people, and collaborate rather than compete. Live collectively rather than individualistically, and you will start to understand the amazing power of the human spirit.

13. Never sacrifice your integrity.

Don’t do something just because others do it – make decisions from the heart, and start listening to your intuition. We all have this innate ability to get in tune with ourselves and observe how something feels within our body; tap into your own higher insight so you can begin to live intentionally rather than passively.

14. Let go of past pain.

Leave the past behind you, and choose to forgive anyone who may have hurt you. Holding onto grudges acts as a slow poison eating away at your soul and devouring your happiness. Forgiveness will set you free and release all that energy so that you can use it to rebuild your own inner empire.

15. Don’t overcomplicate life.

We often make living much harder than it really is – as long as you have people who love you, enough food and water, your health, a place to sleep at night, and activities you enjoy, you have incredible wealth and happiness at your disposal. Just enjoy the moment and work on one small area of your life at a time if you feel you need to find your inner strength. Remember, this is just a temporary journey, so don’t take it too seriously.

15 Keys to Living a Long and Happy Life

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he U.S. centenarian population has been on the rise the past few decades, growing from 32, 194 people who lived to see their 100th birthday in the 1980s to 53, 364 centenarians in 2010, according to the Census Bureau. So, how does this relatively small group of people who live a longer life accomplish the incredible feat of living to such a ripe age?

Many of them credit these habits for granting them a long, happy, healthy life:

1. Cultivate a positive attitude.

In a 2012 study published in the journal Aging, researchers from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found that out of 243 centenarians assessed, all of them had upbeat, optimistic, easygoing personalities. However, this one should come as no surprise – a pessimistic attitude drains you of vital energy and can even decrease your lifespan due to the shortening of telomeres, or the “end caps” of DNA strands. If you don’t already, practice developing a positive outlook on life. This rosy outlook will increase your longevity and possibly become a centenarian yourself!

2. Laugh often.

In the same journal referenced above, researchers from several prestigious universities discovered that the same 243 centenarians did more than just have a good attitude – they considered laughter an important part of life, too. Find reasons to laugh on a daily basis; not taking life so seriously could actually add some years to your lifespan.

3. Follow your unique life purpose.

People in Costa Rica call this a “Plan de Vida,” or reason to live. They feel that a strong sense of purpose and desire to contribute to a greater cause played a huge role in a small group of Costa Ricans living to 100. According to the website Blue Zones, people living in this area of Central America have twice as much likelihood as Americans of living to the age of 90.

4. Adopt a plant-based diet.

JAMA Internal Medicine revealed that vegetarians have a 12 percent lower risk than their meat-eating counterparts of suffering a premature death. Switching to a plant-based diet offers a slew of health benefits as well, which may explain why this group of people enjoys, on average, a much longer, vibrant life.

5. Get enough shut-eye.

Sleeping for at least seven or eight hours a night will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. That’s not to mention that sleep allows your body to produce important hormones as well. A Penn State study found that men who slept less than six hours a night had a four-fold increase in their chance of dying over a 14-year period. Prioritize sleep over staying up late surfing the web or partying with friends to join the growing number of centenarians on the planet.

6. Live in a sunny, tropical climate.

Not surprisingly, Hawaii comes in first for the happiest, the least-stressed state in the U.S., as well as the state with the greatest longevity. On average, a 65 year old living in Hawaii will live another 16.2 years, in comparison to another 10.6 years in the state with the lowest life expectancy, Mississippi.

7. Move your body.

A 123-year-old Bolivian man, Carlos Flores Laura, credits his longevity to taking daily walks. Others like Tao Porchon-Lynch, a 95-year-old yoga instructor, say that a regular yoga influenced their long lives. So choose an activity to take part in. Whatever it is, make sure you really enjoy it and can incorporate it into your routine regularly.

8. Help other people.

Yep, altruism can actually lead to a longer life. According to a University of Michigan study, volunteering for the purpose of helping others, not helping oneself, leads to an increased lifespan on average.

9. Take more vacations.

Make sure to allot some vacation time into your busy work schedule; it could actually save your life. The Framington Heart Study followed about 12,000 middle-aged men for nine years; the results of their study? The men who took more time off work actually lived longer than the workaholics. So, booking more vacations might not make your wallet too happy, but a longer life doesn’t sound too shabby, either.

10. Stay close with family.

According to government research, Hispanics actually live 2.5 years longer than Americans on average. Furthermore, researchers suspect that having a close-knit family has something to do with it. We can learn from all cultures, and the Latino community proves that family bonding can play a huge role in having a long, enjoyable life.

11. Stay in touch with your spirituality.

Whether you choose to attend church services or keep up a regular meditation practice, WebMD’s 2008 survey of centenarians showed that 84 percent of them viewed a healthy spiritual life as an important part of aging well. Take it from the centenarians – exploring your spirituality can lead to a better, longer life in the long run.

12. Tell yourself positive affirmations.

Yogi Tao Porchon-Lynch, the lady mentioned earlier in the article, also accredited positive self-talk to her long, healthy life. Even in her 90s, she wakes up every day and tells herself that each day will be the best day of her life. Repeating mantras like these to yourself can help instill a positive mindset and totally transform your outlook on life.

13. Keep your mind active.

Continual intellectual stimulation can add years to your life – in fact, 89 percent of centenarians do things to keep their brains busy, according to a 2008 WebMD survey.

14. Live conscientiously.

By far, researchers have found that being conscientious is one of the best indicators of how long a person will live. The book The Longevity Project talks about this in-depth. It explains that conscientious people have a higher likelihood of adopting healthier lifestyles and have more successful relationships and careers on average.

longer life15. Develop a resilient mindset.

Researchers at the Al Siebert Resiliency Center found psychologically resilient adults coped much better with life’s challenges and aged more gracefully. In other words, don’t ever stay down too long after an upsetting event. Instead, talk about your feelings openly. Then, get back up on your feet quickly to avoid falling into depression or stagnation. Easier said than done. However, it could tack on a few years to your lifespan, after all.

10 Signs You’re Dealing With A Liar

In everyday interactions with people, you will likely come across those who are willing to be a liar in order to either get something they want or to cover up the real story. Sometimes they get caught in their lies, but other times they get away with them if they’ve played the game long enough. Maybe you have someone in your life who you have always had an uneasy feeling about, or you just can’t ever get a good read on them.

To find out if they may have secretly been pulling the wool over your eyes, take into consideration the following signs next time you think someone’s telling you a lie. Of course, these are red flags you’re dealing with a liar, but like anything else, there are exceptions.

Here are 10 signs someone might be a liar:

Take these signs as a general guide to unmasking a dishonest person

1. They never make eye contact with you.

Because liars actually feel guilty on the inside, they feel very uncomfortable when others look into their eyes. They feel as if the other person can see right through them, so they avoid long gazes with other people as much as possible. To catch someone in a lie, watch where their eyes go; do they look at the floor or look away from you when you talk to them? If so, there’s a good chance they have something to hide, and they desperately want to keep it a secret.

2. They act nervous around you.

No matter if the lie involves something significant or just a minor detail, a liar will usually act jittery and anxious around the person they want to hide things from. They might talk faster to get the attention off of them, sweat profusely, blush or pace back and forth. With an experienced liar, they might not show any signs of guilt because they have gotten used to living in a lie. However, if you start grilling them with questions, they might eventually crack under the pressure.

3. They look troubled about something.

Liars tend to not smile as much as people who live authentically and tell the truth no matter the consequences. Lying puts a huge strain on one’s conscience, and consequently makes one feel like they have two tons of bricks weighing down on them. This enormous pressure must come out somehow, and it usually reveals itself on the liar’s face. Watch the person in question’s facial expressions – you will probably notice that they don’t really show much emotion. The lies eventually eat people up on the inside, and their usual temperament is a telling sign of how they really feel.

phrases of a liar

4. Things about their story just don’t add up.

After you hear their story, you intuitively feel that they have embellished major parts of it or just fabricated the entire thing altogether. For example, maybe you feel that your friend stole money from your wallet when you set down your purse to throw something away. While you can’t really prove it, you remember taking $100 out of the bank, and not being able to find $60 after hanging out with her. When you accuse her of stealing from you, she insists that someone else came up and took the money. But, why didn’t she ever tell you about this incident after it happened? Liars usually don’t have very good cover-ups for their stories, because they have to come up with a fictional tale on the fly.

5. They start getting defensive.

If they had nothing to hide, why would they get angry about you interrogating them? People who tell the truth will act calm when put on the spot and will offer logical explanations about their behavior. Meanwhile, liars have to deal with all the turmoil they’ve created and must justify it to avoid caving under all the guilt. A liar will start to show signs of anger; they might ball their fists, cross their arms, have an enraged look in their eyes, or even make you feel inferior to boost their own ego. Going on the defense almost always points to a person with ulterior motives.

6. They change the subject.

Any mention of the lies they’ve told makes them feel uncomfortable, so they like to quickly take the attention off of themselves and bring up a more neutral topic. Usually, they make this quite obvious so that you will start to get frustrated, which makes their whole scheme even more fun to them. Look out for these sudden subject changes, because that’s your chance to really dig deep and ask them tough questions.

7. They keep noticeable physical distance from you.

Liars feel uncomfortable with human contact because they secretly harbor a lot of insecurity and pain, and feel that any sign of care will blow their cover. They will shy away from hugs or handshakes and will keep a sizeable distance between the two of you. This serves as a form of protection for them because they don’t want to get too relaxed and accidentally reveal too much information.

8. They start rambling almost uncontrollably.

Most liars can’t help but twist their stories into some convoluted tale that makes no sense in the end. They tell a couple of white lies but must cover these up with more lies in order to keep the “facts” straight when in reality it just makes it all less believable. Liars typically come up with complex stories in order to convince you that they are, in fact, telling the truth, but this marks a surefire sign of a liar in action.

9. They can’t sit still.

Liars fidget a lot. That is because they want some distraction to take them away from the seriousness of the conversation, so they play with their phones, tap their feet, move around in their chair, twist their hair, etc.

10. They change their story later.

Even if they add or revoke small details, this further proves that their original story had no merit. They probably forgot most of the tale they told since it never really happened, which means they can try and confuse you more with additional fabrications. If they try to change their story, ask them what they initially told you – as they fumble over the details, you can rest assured that you have finally caught them in their own lie.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

7 Habits of Highly Creative People

When we talk about creativity, we often think of it as an innate quality: you’re either creative, or you’re not. Those of us who don’t feel creative may lament our deficiency and look longingly at people who naturally seem to have creative spirits. The truth is that creativity is not just a natural talent; it can be cultivated just like any other skill.

Some people may find it easier to be creative than others, but that doesn’t mean that not everyone can be creative. In fact, with a little effort and the right habits, you might impress yourself by how creative you can be.  If you practice these creative habits in your life, you’re likely to come up with more new ideas and seeing interesting connections around you. As you learn to tap into your creativity, there are different habits you can use to expand your creative nature. Even if you’ve never felt particularly creative before, you can become a highly creative person, and unleash your full creative potential.

7 Habits of Highly Creative People

1. They focus attention on what is valuable to them (paid or not).

Creativity is hardly worth the effort if you’re bored with what you’re doing. If you want to be creative, it’s essential that you’re working towards pursuits that you find rewarding and meaningful. Of course, everyone needs to earn a living. It’s not always possible to do what you love 100% of the time. But if you don’t find your everyday activity rewarding, pause for a moment to think about what is meaningful to you. You can aspire to do what you love and what you find fulfilling, and take steps to make those activities a larger part of your life.

Doing something meaningful gives you the energy and motivation that fuels creativity, and in turn, will help you find more meaning in life.

2. They follow their intuition

Some of the most creative and successful people in the world got to where they are today by saying “Yes” when everyone else was telling them “No.” There are times when you need to trust your intuition, even if the outside world is full of doubts. When you’re creative, your ideas may be different from the norm. That doesn’t mean that they’re wrong. Do your research and listen to others’ advice, but don’t be afraid to trust your intuition and commit to a creative decision.

3. Creative people take time to play in the imagination sandbox.

Daydreaming doesn’t have to be unproductive. In fact, the freedom of daydreaming can help you to unlock new ideas and may work to encourage creative thought processes. So when you have some downtime, don’t be afraid to daydream about whatever comes to mind. You may just think up your next great idea.

4. They know how to trigger their creativity.

Creative-brain

Think about the last time you felt really creative. What were you doing? Were there any triggers or elements of your environment that made you feel particularly creative? Often, you can recreate these triggers to increase your creativity. Many people, for example, feel their most creative when they’re traveling. If that’s the case, try scheduling yourself a regular train or bus trip, even if it’s only a couple of towns over. If exercise brings out your creative juices, fit in a workout before you plan to work on something creative. Whatever gets your mind moving, figure out a way to fit it into your schedule to build up your creativity.

5. They follow inspirational sources.

Learning from others is a great way to boost your creativity. When you see or learn about someone who has been successful in your field, it can help to motivate you and give you a burst of creativity. Try talking to a mentor, reading a book written by (or about) a personal hero, or visiting your favorite inspirational website. The more inspiration you find and the more you learn, the more creative you’re likely to be.

6. They make the most of the challenges

Too often, we let an obstacle set us back and put an end to our creative energy. However, challenges can actually provide the best opportunities to come up with creative solutions and achieve personal growth.

When you are faced with an obstacle, instead of giving up, put your creativity to the test and come up with a way to defeat it. You may find that when you’re overcoming a challenge, you’re at your best.

7. They embrace new ideas and try new things.

New experiences are some of the absolute best fuel for creativity. They expose you to new activities, new feelings, and new ideas. They also help you to expand your knowledge and skills. In addition, you’ll learn to overcome fear, which can be one of the biggest obstacles to creativity. Try to fit in at least one new experience each week. It can be something big, like a new hobby, or something small, like talking to someone you’ve never met or trying out a new restaurant.

Are you unleashing your full creative potential?  Share the things you do to unlock your creativity in the discussion below!

11 Ways to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulation

All emotions, whether good or bad, serve a purpose in our journeys – but be aware of those who want to use the mighty power of emotional manipulation against you.

If you identify as an empath, this will especially apply to you, as this group of people is most vulnerable to picking up negative energy from others. Next time you feel emotional manipulation consult these tips for protecting your own energy field.

7 Red Flags That Reveal Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation happens when someone seeks to gain power or control by employing certain tactics. Usually, it involves gaslighting, passive aggression, and emotional abuse such as name-calling. A 2013 study found that emotional abuse can cause just as much harm as physical abuse, leading to depression and poor self-image. Unfortunately, emotional abuse occurs often in relationships, with 47% of women and almost 47% of men experiencing it at some point.

Whether you’re in the workplace or on a date, look out for these warning signs of an emotional manipulator.

emotional manipulation

1.    Intellectual Bullying Reveals Emotional Manipulation

Some emotional manipulators will attempt to gain power over you through intellectual bullying. Basically, this just means they bombard you with facts and knowledge to confuse or overwhelm you. When you’re in a vulnerable state, it makes you much easier to control. Many narcissists use this tactic, and may even quiz you about certain topics. They’re trying to gauge how much you know to see how you measure up against them.

2.    Emotional Invalidation

Emotional manipulation can also take the form of invalidation, where the person tries to downplay your feelings or experiences. For instance, if you’re explaining how you fell at work and they immediately shift the focus on themselves, they’re trying to manipulate you. It might seem innocent at first, but their intentions will become clear eventually.

People who compare your issues with theirs want to garner sympathy but can’t seem to show it. It’s best to steer clear of people who invalidate your problems, especially if they claim to care about your wellbeing. If they did, they would show it through their actions.

3.    Gaslighting and Playing the Victim

If a person gaslights you, it’s a clear sign they’re engaging in emotional manipulation. Gaslighting involves making the victim question their own sanity by twisting stories or creating false narratives. Of course, they want you to feel crazy in order to maintain control. They don’t want to take accountability for any problems in the relationship, blaming you for anything that goes wrong.

If you bring up a concern, they will immediately downplay your feelings or even deny their wrongdoing. They want you to feel responsible for any mistakes to lower your self-esteem even further. You know in your gut when something feels off in a relationship, so please don’t fall for this manipulation technique.

4.    Shaming Can Be a Sign of Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulators want you to feel inferior, guilty and shameful so they have power over your emotions. When they know they can get a rise out of you, it becomes an addiction. They will always crave more because they enjoy seeing you upset.

Like any energy vampire, they thrive off negative emotional reactions and people with compassion. Emotional manipulators usually target empathetic victims since they tend to see the positives in others. That way, they’re blindsided when the manipulation begins since they never saw it coming.

The manipulator may shame you by saying you’re ungrateful for everything they’ve done for you. They want you to feel obligated to them in some way, but in reality, you only owe yourself the freedom to leave this toxic relationship.

5.    Lying

While a white lie here and there doesn’t always point to emotional manipulation, it’s a red flag when it happens repeatedly. The person may lie to hide something they feel ashamed about, such as cheating. Or if they’re a compulsive liar, they’ve learned to make up stories out of habit, either to embellish or deny facts. Either way, lying about important things in relationships can create a rift between people over time.

Trust forms the foundation in a healthy relationship, and once the lies accumulate, it begins to crack. Sure, you can repair things after one or two lies, but at some point, the trust disappears completely. Just remember, if someone truly loves and cares about you, they’ll tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts. They’d rather come clean than walk around with a heart full of secrets.

6.    Using Ultimatums

Another common form of emotional manipulation involves giving someone ultimatums. The manipulator does this to find your weaknesses so they can get what they want. For instance, your partner might say they will break up with you if you go out for girl’s night. Not only does this point to a controlling partner, it also shows they have deep-seated insecurities. Or, perhaps they might ask for financial help, saying that “If you love me, you’ll do this for me.”

Of course, someone who uses ultimatums doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

7.    Giving Silent Treatment

A common passive aggressive behavior, the silent treatment is used to gain control in a relationship. This form of emotional manipulation may occur after an argument or disagreement, especially if the person felt unheard. They want to shift all the attention onto themselves and gain sympathy by refusing to communicate with you.

The manipulator figures that, after a while, you will come crawling back to them and apologize for your behavior. They want you to feel responsible, even if the argument was their fault. Eventually, you might feel worried about them and decide to break the silence. This is what they had planned all along, of course, so that you’d forget about the underlying issues and admit your mistake.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who employs the silent treatment often, let them know it bothers you. Relationships are a two-way street and require active communication from both people.

11 Ways to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulation

emotional manipulation

1. Don’t fall into their trap.

People who take pleasure in toying with others’ emotions will use any sort of tactics, such as confusion, blame, and interrogation, in order to really get under your skin. If you have to deal with these types of people often, like in your workplace, just ignore them or surprise them by saying something nice instead of meeting them with a combative attitude. Emotional manipulators thrive off getting a rise out of you, so make sure you don’t give them what they want – after several failed attempts, they may begin to leave you alone.

2. Start writing down what they say during conversations.

While this might seem a little overboard, emotional manipulators have a habit of making you look like the bad guy, and twisting their words to fit any agenda. You might actually start to believe sometimes that you have done something wrong when in reality, you have fallen victim to their terrible scheme. To make sure you can actually show them what they said in prior conversations, jot down any details you think they might conveniently change later in order to justify their behavior. They may also try to convince you they never said a certain thing, but you can actually prove they did with the notes you take.

Get smart about protecting yourself from their wrath, and they may soon get discouraged from using you as their emotional toy.

3. Steer clear whenever possible.

Of course, avoiding emotional manipulators and instigators will totally eliminate your chances of getting taken advantage of by them. To do this, try your best to read people’s energy when you first meet them. If you don’t get a good vibe from them, simply trust your gut and make a pact to steer clear of them when you can. Working in the same place as an emotional manipulator can be a bit trickier, but just aim to limit your interactions with the person as much as possible. You will save yourself a lot of energy and sanity by doing so.

4. Call them out on their behavior.

These people have probably bossed around others for so long and have never been confronted for it. Stand up for yourself and let them know that they make you feel uncomfortable and taken advantage of. Even if they deny their behavior or try to turn it back around on you, at least you can rest easy knowing you actually defended yourself and stood up for the truth. Maybe they will begin to change their tune if you struck a nerve with them; after all, once they scare everyone away, they will have no one to manipulate anymore, anyway.

5. Avoid emotional attachment with them

Easier said than done, especially if they don’t show their true colors immediately.  Pay attention to the first sign of them completely steamrolling your emotions, slowly back away from the relationship, and make sure to let them know your boundaries. Emotional manipulators constantly scan the horizon for their next victim, but it’s much easier to break away if you haven’t invested too much in the relationship, to begin with. If you must talk to them, maintain a cordial, civil relationship, but don’t let it go any further than that if you value your emotional well-being.

6. Meditate often.

In order to keep your vibration high, you need to silence the mind, breathe deeply, and get in touch with the higher realms to adequately handle yourself on Earth. It will help you deal with emotional manipulators much better because you will have inner peace no matter how much chaos unfolds around you. Loving-kindness meditation, specifically, will allow you to cultivate compassion for this person and maybe open your eyes to what they have been through in their life. Meet hostility with love and understanding, and you just might witness them to transform into a new person after a while.

7. Inspire them.

It’s important to “be the change”, and in this instance, it will inadvertently protect you because they won’t emit such negative vibes after they’re inspired by your own non-manipulative, positive actions. Bring up the benefits of meditation, taking responsibility for their own life, following their true passions, volunteering, eating a clean diet, and exercising. Use all the knowledge you have gained about becoming your best self in order to help them become their best selves, too.

8. Tell them “you’re right.”

As hard as this might be for the ego, your soul will give you a round of applause and possibly a standing ovation, too. Emotional manipulators feed on drama, so agreeing with them will leave them speechless and quickly put out the flames of their delusions. Just for the sake of keeping your peace of mind, simply let them win the argument. You know deep down that their behavior and accusations were wrong, but they will have to deal with that karma later anyway.

9. Let go of harmful relationships.

If you notice this type of behavior in your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse, you should leave that relationship behind in favor of your own well-being. You can’t force a person to change, no matter how many times you have brought up their volatile behavior. You deserve someone who will nurture and balance your emotions, not someone who wants to use you for their own personal enjoyment.

10. Develop a strong mentality.

Don’t ever let their insults or outbursts get inside your head; laugh at them or just entertain their thoughts without agreeing with them. If you know what kind of person you are and have a strong sense of self-worth, nothing they say will ever bring you down.

11. Give yourself positive self-talk throughout the day.

An emotional manipulator can completely tarnish your otherwise peppy mood, so make sure you restore yourself with uplifting affirmations and messages during the day. They thrive on seeing your mood go down the drain, so when they see you unaffected by their brash remarks, they won’t have a reason to torment you any longer.

letting go

Final Thoughts on Recognizing and Protecting Yourself From Emotional Manipulation

Unfortunately, emotional manipulation occurs quite often in schools, workplaces, and relationships. Many of us have probably manipulated people without even realizing it as well, because no one is perfect. However, when someone intentionally deceives others with the goal of getting something from them, it becomes a form of abuse. In daily life, it’s important to shield yourself from negative people and walk away from anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Emotional manipulators usually reveal themselves much like narcissists do, by lying, gaslighting, invalidating your feelings, or shaming you. Don’t fall for these tactics, as they can only derive power by steamrolling over others.

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