7 Things Happy People Rarely Do

Without question, happy people stand out among us. Regardless of what they are doing at the moment, happy people always seem to be positive, energetic, and joyful. Happy people live, act, and speak much differently than their less positive counterparts.

But it’s not just what the happy people do that sets them apart. It’s what they rarely do that truly makes them unique (we say “rarely” here because we can’t be perfect but we CAN strive toward excellence daily).  Simply put – the self-control and self-awareness that positive and happy people display is truly something to behold…they make it look so easy.  So what do happy people avoid?

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Gandhi

Here are 7 things happy people rarely do:

1. Happy people rarely… seek approval or validation from others.

Happy people are content to be themselves… in fact, they love themselves unashamedly and unabashedly. This self-love manifests itself in approval and validation – making it unnecessary to seek either from externalities – namely, people.

Truth be told, many of us place way too much emphasis on what others think about us; so much emphasis, that seeking approval or validation from others becomes an addiction. But here’s the bottom line: we can only be the best people we can be, not everyone is going to view us in a positive light, and being you, while showing true character, is the fastest way to earning respect.

2. Happy people rarely…depend on other people, places, or things for happiness.

Speaking of externalities… happy people don’t depend on people or material possessions for their own happiness. In making a conscious decision to remove possessions, money, people, and circumstances out of the equation, happiness is derived and experienced from simply being and loving yourself.

Concisely stated – happiness is a mindset. A mindset is something that is learned, acquired, and put into practice. Our mindset has absolutely nothing to do with external influences…it can only be influenced if we let it.

3. Happy people rarely… play the victim. Rather, they play the victor.

Happy people and the victim mentality do not jive. The reason is because the happy among us have a mindset of victory and fortitude. In other words, happy people depend on the power they know they have to come out victorious. This is not to say that they won’t experience bumps and bruises, disappointments and failures along the way… they just don’t let it get the best of them.

Here’s a nice, easy formula to remember: inner happiness = inner strength. Happy people are strong mentally; winning the battle against whatever internal or external opposition that happens to confront them.

4. Happy people rarely… live in the past, nor worry about the future.

Right now, there are people all around us with innately unique gifts to offer the world and make it a better place… truly gifted people that have so much to give. But they won’t. They won’t because of mistakes made in their past and can’t let them go for whatever reason. This is a tragic reality of the world we live in: some people will never realize their rightful future because they can’t see anything beyond their past.

To be truly happy and realize our potential, we must not live in the past nor worry much about the future. The past is just that…an old event – an event that has no real significance to the true character inside.

5. Happy people rarely…hold onto grudges.

In holding onto the “past,” grudges are another unfortunate result of doing so. These grudges can be within us or with others. The disappointment that results by making a decision that you regret, or disappointment from someone having wronged you is normal. The problem is when we hold onto these grudges for too long.

The answer lies in forgiveness – of ourselves and of others. We cannot turn back the clock to make different decisions, nor can we alter the motives of people who have wronged us. The most powerful thing that we can do recognize the error or affront, accept it, grow and learn from it, and let it go by forgiving yourself or someone else.

6. Happy people rarely… live dishonestly.

To live an honest life takes an incredible amount of courage, fortitude, and character. Why? Because our world has become embraced an altered reality – one in which lying is simply something that “everyone does.”

Regardless of what others may think, dishonesty is toxic because it completely skews our understanding of what is real, good, and normal. When we live in a society that accepts lying as the norm, we are susceptible to its influence. As happy people, we must remember that truth is natural, truth is real (by definition, too!), and truth is good in all situations.

 7. Happy people rarely…accept negative environments.

Our environment has a significant effect on our mindset. We must not allow our environments to disturb our right to inner happiness and peace.

Toxic people and toxic environments just exude negativity. Try walking into a place where everyone there hates their job – the bad aura and atmosphere quickly resonate. The same thing goes for people and places that continuously embrace a negative mindset.

By remaining positive and respectful with all people, you may indeed be helping change their outlook on life and bring some hope. Remain mindful that everyone has a story, and some people may be experiencing some hardship that you are unaware of. Also, remain mindful that you have a right to be positive and happy…when someone or somewhere begins to negatively impact this, you have the right to walk away if you so choose.

What do you try not to do to remain happy in your own life?

To feel as if you are a victim of your own thoughts is not a pleasant experience. Being barraged by a seemingly endless stream of negative thoughts is both exhausting and potentially even dangerous to your physical and mental health.

“The Buddhists have a great term for these (thought) excesses. They refer to them as the condition of “monkey mind.” A person in the throes of money mind suffers from a consciousness whose constituent parts will not stop bouncing from skull-side to skull-side, which keep flipping and jumping and flinging feces at the walls and swinging from loose neurons like howlers from vines…” – Daniel Smith, author of ‘Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety’

Regardless of what you may think about Buddha or the philosophy of his teachings, he was perhaps the most brilliant psychologist to have ever lived. Long before medication, cognitive therapy, and psychoanalysis, the Buddha was writing and teaching about the human mind with brilliant insight and wisdom.

A core tenant of his teachings was that of a “monkey mind,” describing (accurately) the fact that the human mind can be compared to that of drunken monkeys, where our thoughts are constantly chattering while jumping around aimlessly and endlessly.

These thoughts include those of a negative nature – fear, anxiety and worry among them. Negative thoughts, if prevalent and ceaseless, can indeed sabotage your life. Fortunately, there are some positive practices that will detoxify these drunken monkeys and put them back in their place.

Here are 5 different ways that you can keep negative thoughts from sabotaging your life.

1. Remember that your negative thoughts are automatic.

This cannot be stressed enough. When you are faced with an uncomfortable or undesirable situation, the responses that you often have inside your own mind are frequently automatic. In other words, you really don’t control them – but you do control the reaction that you have. We are going to discuss some specific practices below.

2.  Don’t fight your negative thoughts

Here’s something to remember: you cannot get rid of negative thoughts by engaging in a mental battle with them. These thoughts are not true anyways, so what’s the use in fighting something that is imaginary?

Here’s an analogy: consider a tabloid article about a celebrity engaging in their latest extramarital affair. Out of curiosity, you read the article’s outrageous claims and determine that there is no validity to it. The article is completely biased, its contents exaggerated and taken out of context. With no intent to buy, you put the tabloid and its useless drivel back on the shelf, shake your head, and just move on with your day. While inexplicably enticing, it provides nothing true, important or useful.
Same thing applies to your negative thoughts. It’s tabloid material for your mind.

3. Keep yourself and your thoughts productive

When you do something productive and of value, you are significantly decreasing the possibility of negative thoughts arising. After all, you are doing something enjoyable while realizing the inner fruits of your labor.

Have you ever heard the phrase “The idle mind is the Devil’s workshop?” You don’t need to be of any religious orientation or belief system to understand that remaining idle makes you vulnerable to negative thoughts and feelings. After all, you have a lot of time to think…too much time in many cases.

Read a book, write, listen to music, or check off something on your to-do list. Whatever you do, try to keep your mind engaged in something of value to you.

4. Be aware of the company you keep.

Outside of yourself, the presence of others is the most powerful influence on your thoughts. Therefore, stay away from people who are consistently negative and downtrodden. These types of people will drain your energy, lower your guard, and make you susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings.

In some cases, you may need to work with people like this. If so, limit your interaction to strictly business and nothing else. If these individuals insist on interacting with you, politely state that you have something to do – even if it’s checking the email on your phone). And, if necessary, verbalize your concerns and tell them (politely, but with firmness) that you are trying to keep a positive mindset and that their presence makes it difficult.

While certainly not the easiest thing to do, being straightforward and honest will get negative people thinking about their behavior, while potentially resulting in them making some positive changes. If nothing else, they will limit their interactions with you.

5. Stop procrastinating

Being human, many of us have the tendency to put thyesings off until absolutely necessary. While this tendency is certainly unproductive, procrastination also allows negative thoughts to creep in. These negative thoughts are often a by-product of guilt – you know what you need to do, you have the time to do it, yet you choose not to in favor of engaging in something more interesting.

To stop procrastinating requires both self-discipline and self-awareness. You must learn to control your impulses and redirect your energy towards the task at hand. Further, you must be aware of the fact that immediate gratification is really not gratifying at all. Instead, it produces weakness of character while managing to stunt your ambitions.

In closing…

If you have read the article to this point, you obviously have the mindset of a proactive individual and desire to rid yourself of negative thoughts. Good for you!

While getting rid of all negative thoughts may indeed be impossible, you can take some of the action steps mentioned in this article to drastically reduce their presence. Remember, you are not your negative thoughts. If nothing else, absorb this fact, commit it to memory, and repeat it every time you find a negative thought arising within your mind.

Never, ever let negative thoughts derail you from living the fruitful, happy life that you so deserve.
We hope that you all stay productive, healthy, and encouraged as you continue on in your life’s journey – each and every day.

From the moment you are brought into the world, you develop relationships. With your parents, siblings, near and distant relatives, students, spouse, friends, co-workers. Of course, the list goes on. Something else that we all have in common – we want to have healthy and happy relationships. You desire to have people in your life that appreciate who you are and to whom you can reciprocate those feelings.

“Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candor.”  – Tom Hanks

As you mature, you begin to realize the close connection that we have with our fellow human beings. This deep, personal connection that we establish with each other makes us unique and truly fortunate beings. As with nearly everything else that exists within the human existence, relationships are also complex and diverse – good or bad, deep or distant, intimate or friendly, and even loving or hateful.

Here are eleven things that you can start doing to make your relationships with others more accepting, trusting, peaceful and loving.

1. Accept people how they are

Genetic makeup is complex and certainly beyond the scope of this article. Suffice to say, human beings are amazingly different. We come from different places; have different personalities, minds, character traits, beliefs, and behaviors. We look different, act different, talk different, and live differently.

So, why is it that many are still so unaccepting of other people? When will we realize that diversity contributes to the fabric of our society and is not a burden, but a strength? By accepting people as they are and not trying to change them, you are indeed contributing to the peaceful and healthy existence of our world.

2. Be your natural, imperfect self

Accepting yourself is just as important as accepting others. There is no need to act differently than how you are designed or how you wish to act. When others make a joke at your expense for being different, make a joke about them trying to be like everyone else. Conformity is not strength, but a weakness of character.

You cannot and will not impress everyone, nor should you make the attempt. You are not designed to befriend everyone around you, only those who truly deserve your friendship.

3. Give those you don’t know a chance

In our society, it can be especially difficult to be non-judgmental when it comes to others. Just remember, everyone has a past and nobody can change the hand that they were dealt in life.

The beautiful thing is that everyone you meet has a unique story to tell. This story may be happy, sad, extraordinary or typical. But one fact remains: you should give everyone that you haven’t gotten to know a fair chance, without judgment and without criticism.

4. Show everyone respect

Not everyone deserves your respect but you deserve to give it regardless. You give respect because it’s ingrained in your character to demonstrate your strength of character to your fellow man, not necessarily out of their virtue, but your own.

By accepting people who are different from you, you are showing respect – respect for their differences both good and bad, respectful for their presence, and respect for their rightful place among the rest us. And, most importantly, respect yourself!

5. Be truthful with others

Perhaps nothing strengthens relationships more than being honest with everyone. On the flip side, perhaps nothing weakens (even ruins) relationships more than being deceitful. This includes any kind of “white lie” or any other method of clouding the true meaning behind your words and actions.

If you promise something, keep your word – at home, work, or anywhere else. Don’t create a slippery slope of telling mistruths, however “innocent” they may be. The important thing is that you know the truth and its importance.

6. Forgive people and move on

Forgiving someone is much easier than living with disdain or hate in your heart. It is as much, if not more, about your mental wellbeing than it is about disregarding someone’s affront, however severe it may be.
Forgiveness is important because it opens your heart and mind to placing trust in others.

Having unresolved problems with someone else can lead to the misplaced conception that people as a whole cannot be trusted. Don’t undeservingly do this to yourself or anyone else.

7. Recognize and remember your real friends

Not everyone you associate with or who you consider “a friend” is truly your friend. As with many aspects of our outlook on life, recognition and appreciation of true friendship grow as we mature. We place less emphasis on having a wide circle of friends and more on the depth of those friendships.

You will recognize your true friends in how steadfast they are in remaining by your side.

8. Always be loyal

Be loyal to the people who matter to you the most, including your real friends. Loyalty is not so much about being inseparable as it is being true to those that matter the most to you, regardless of circumstance.

As with having real friends, having those who are truly loyal to you is an incredible gift. If you are loyal to people, many times this loyalty is returned in favor.

9. Stay in touch with those you care about

As you move on, live your life and experience new adventures, there are going to be times when remaining in touch with those you love and care about becomes difficult. Despite this difficulty, you should make the attempt to stay in contact with those who love and care about you.

This can be as simple as a text message or an email – both show that you are thinking about the person. As the old adage goes: “it’s the thought that counts” and this is certainly true in the relationships that matter the most to you.

10. Keep your promises

Many people nowadays both give and accept promises in more of a casual, uncertain manner. Make no mistake – promises are sacred. Basically, you are giving your word while putting your character on display for someone else to critique.

You need to keep your promises as much for your own sake as for the individual to whom you gave your word. Remain mindful of the promises you make and the effects that delivering, or not delivering on your word has in how people view your character.

11. Let go those who have gone

We rarely lose our real friends and lovers; rather we recognize who the real ones are. When someone departs from your life, there is probably a reason that their role in your life story is over.

When people walk away from you, let them walk. Another special and true relationship is waiting out there for you to discover.

 Here are the 5 reasons to look back:

1. To remind yourself how far you’ve come.

Sometimes, you might be hard on yourself and become discouraged. Reflection is important here. Indeed, it switches the mindset and flips the focus back to how far you’ve come rather than how far you have to go. Seeing the progress you’ve made and remembering the things you’ve done right can serve as the positive motivational element you need to stay on the path to success.

2. To keep an open mind and practice empathy

Success may feel elusive to you. However, it’s probably right at the tip of your fingers. All you must do is reach out and grab it.

“Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. Best people give you memories.”

Please read that quote once or twice more. What is the part of that quote that really seems to jump off the page? If you answered ‘all people provide value in your life’, you’re correct.  This quote simply means that your mindset and attitude are the key elements of feeling fulfilled in your experiences and relationships – not material possessions.

You cannot and will not thrive and be fulfilled unless your mind and heart are in balance. Look no further than Hollywood, California for evidence of this. There are more miserable, wealthy people in that city than anywhere else in the world. Why? While they have plenty of money and possessions, they are neither abundant nor fulfilled. They are not truly abundant in their minds and hearts.

Again, thriving is something to be tuned into through our minds and hearts, not acquired through material possessions. As such, you cannot thrive in your life when there are certain negative forces working against you. If you happen to be experiencing any of these forces, don’t blame yourself! We are human beings…complex creatures with complex ways of thinking and feeling. Just make a conscious effort to improve your situation.

Here are 5 things that may be keeping you from Thriving.

1 – A Scarcity Mindset

The mindset of lack is simply operating out of fear, which we all do from time to time. After all, you have responsibilities and obligations to meet and others may depend on you. However, this mindset keeps you from abundance, as it results in making shortsighted decisions to simply “get by.”

According to an article by Psychology Today titled “The Psychology of Scarcity,” Dr. Melanie Greenberg attests that a scarcity mindset shortens and narrows your time frame, resulting in impulsive, short-term decision making that increases difficulties in the long term. An example of this include making excuses for not paying off debt (such as a credit card) while acting impulsively (putting something expensive on that credit card that you refuse to pay off).

Dr. Greenburg recommends 5 ways to overcome a scarcity mindset without becoming complacent – practicing gratitude (being thankful for what you have), not comparing yourself with others (you replace envy with gratitude), stopping obsessive thinking (such as anything wrong you may have done), taking preemptive measures (preparing a budget, buying healthy food to avoid temptation), and not being greedy (helping others leads to more for you).

2 – Feelings of Worthlessness

We are all susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves. Perhaps you’ve even experienced a bout with depression or some other psychological trauma. Psychologists routinely associate a depressed mindset with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Feeling worthless, by definition, is the textbook opposite of feeling abundant. You cannot and will not have an abundant mindset if you feel this way. Feelings of worthlessness can take many different forms, mostly in thoughts or feelings of being deficient in success, attractiveness, intelligence, health, or other negative views towards yourself.

Here’s the thing to remember: you are worth an immeasurable amount, especially to the people who love and care about you. This being the case, it is impossible to be worthless…even if you don’t particularly care for yourself at times.

Dr. Aaron Beck, recognized as the father of modern Cognitive Therapy, recommends refusing to buy into your own sense of worthlessness. More specifically, Dr. Beck details three ways in which you can combat these feelings – monitoring your self-critical dialogue, writing these thoughts as they arise (10-15 minutes each day), and learning to “cope instead of mope” by understanding these thoughts without judgment – just observe your thoughts and watch them disappear. Not judging these feelings results in less depressive thoughts, giving you the ability to lead a life of abundance and positivity.

3 – Judging and Blaming Others

Here is a fact: we all have faults. Nobody is perfect. You are not perfect, nor are the people that you are close with. Unfortunately, you also happen to live in a society that often values status and achievement more than morality and righteousness. As such, people that have not attained “prestige” or “success” are often looked down upon. This goes for people who are “unattractive”, “weird”, or any other negative, vague term you can think of to describe someone.

Judging and blaming someone is just another form of negativity disguised to make you feel better about yourself. However, not only do you harm yourself, you accomplish absolutely nothing. Actually, it does “accomplish” something – it breeds more negative feelings towards others and yourself!  Everyone in your life is there for a reason.

By bringing harm to yourself, you keep yourself from thinking abundantly. Whenever you find yourself judging someone, just smile and say hello instead. Odds are, they are good people who will do the same right back. That is a key to success. Now you’re back on track to your fulfilling and abundant life!

4 – Bad Habits

A bad habit can be anything that you currently do that you wished you didn’t – watching too much TV, eating fast food, smoking, drinking alcohol, cursing…you name it. We do these things because they give us immediate gratification. However, you are reading this article because you desire abundance and fulfillment – not the immediate, fleeting satisfaction of a bad habit.

In keeping with the common theme of the other things keeping you from abundance, bad habits weaken you.  Moreover, they hold you back from success. Bad habits actually have much in common with the scarcity mentality – thinking shortsightedly, being impulsive, making excuses, and narrowing your time frame.

Whatever bad habit you may have, don’t judge yourself but instead take some positive action. Adopt some newer, healthier habits that make you truly happy and more in line with the life that you desire for yourself. There are numerous books on establishing good habits, including how good habits lead to an abundant mindset.

5 – Trapped Emotions

There is no credible psychologist or psychiatrist that denies the negative effects of emotional trauma, including trapped emotions that remain in our subconscious. These emotions are harmful because they are inherently difficult to ignore…they continue to affect you, whether you realize it or not.

Obviously, these emotions have a harmful effect on your psyche and make it difficult to lead a life of abundance and fulfillment. The good news is if you do indeed have some kind of unresolved emotional distress or trauma, there are many different ways that you can relieve yourself of this burden unfairly placed upon you.

One practice that is gaining notoriety is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) tapping. While technically considered an alternative and energy-based therapy, EFT is continuing to gain recognition within the science-driven medical community as a potentially effective practice for treating different kinds of emotional trauma.

Serina Deen, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California – San Francisco wrote an interesting article in Huffington Post titled “Tapping Away Trauma: ‘Emotional Freedom’ Techniques,” where she attests to the positive results of EFT testing on herself and her colleagues despite her initial skepticism.

The Study That Proves the Connection Between Success and Mindset

Also, in an academic study conducted by Ph.D-educated clinical psychologists titled “Neurophysiological Indicators of EFT Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress,” patients who experienced PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of a severe motor vehicle accident reported improvement immediately following EFT treatment. Scientists administered several neurological tests both pre- and post-treatment. And the outcome signified marked improvement in brain function.

We’ve discussed a few different things that keep you from a mindset of abundance and fulfillment. Our hope is that you recognize the greatness that lies within and put some of these things that may apply to you into practice. After all, you deserve to live a life of abundance and fulfillment. Don’t let anything – even yourself – get in the way of what you aspire to become!

Remember that you control your own odds of success!