When you are in a relationship – intimate or friendly – you are taking a chance on someone else. The better you get to know someone and the more chemistry you have, the better the chances are that the relationship will be a positive one. However, despite the longevity and chemistry factors, there is always going to be a chance that the relationship doesn’t work out. As such, there will be an element of the unknown in most relationships.

Regardless of the unknown, there are ways you can feel more secure in your relationships, notwithstanding the vulnerability that you may or may not feel.

Here are 5 ways that you can feel more secure in your relationships.

 1. Release insecurity

Ask yourself this question: how often do you feel worried, lonely or jealous when in a relationship? If you are honest, chances are that you’ve felt one or more of these feelings at one time or another. As human beings, we fear rejection and isolation from other people because we value acceptance.

That being as it may, being infatuated with insecure thoughts and feelings can irreparably harm a relationship. Your imagination is not your reality and nothing is certain in any relationship. Therefore, you should just ‘let it be’ and let the chips fall where they may.

 2. Give the person a chance

When you’ve been emotionally hurt in a relationship, it can be very difficult to start anew with someone else. Emotional hurt can manifest itself in judging a person simply because they ‘remind’ you of someone else.

Perception is not reality – however, your perception can become your reality if you let it. Carrying excess emotional baggage and handing it off to someone else because of what you perceive to be true is not fair – plain and simple. If you ever find yourself doing this, gently remind yourself that no two people are the same. Everyone at least deserves a chance until they show otherwise.

3. Remind yourself that imperfection is OK

Everyone is perfectly imperfect. Have you ever met someone who is perfect in every way, inside and out? Of course not, that is because perfection in a human being doesn’t exist.

Having impossibly high standards for people that you meet in life, hoping that they will meet these standards will almost assuredly result in emptiness and disappointment. There are no perfect people or relationships – only imperfect ones that happen to work for you.

4. Trust until there’s a reason not to

Trust is the foundation to any meaningful relationship. For someone to share their life with you or depend on you in any way demands a sense of trust.

Trust is not easy to give because it makes you vulnerable. However, despite any initial difficulty that you may have giving trust, it helps to know that the majority of people are well-intentioned. You’ll find that people value the trust you place in them and your relationship will be strengthened.

5. Take care of yourself first

Having good, long-lasting relationships is a great thing. Knowing your fellow human beings in an intimate way is one of the many blessings of your time on this planet. That being said, you should care for yourself first before directing your care towards someone else.

If you lovingly and gently care for yourself, not only will your relationships with others flourish, so will the relationship that takes place within your own heart and mind. Be at peace with yourself and watch your relationships blossom into something truly special.

“Life is love which is a gift from God and parents, and death is gratitude for going to a new dimension.” – Dr. Masaru Emoto

Dr. Masaru Emoto passed away Friday in Japan.  He was 71. The scientist famously proved how human consciousness affects the molecular structure of water.

As a man, he dedicated his entire life teaching and serving others in his work. And, he never forgot who he was doing it for, even in death. According to those close to him, his last word was “Arigato” – “Thank You” in Japanese. His close friends believe he was thanking his entire community of supporters whose lives have been changed by his teachings.

Born in Yokohama, Japan on July 22, 1943, Dr. Emoto wore many different caps – businessman, scientist, philanthropist, author, and entrepreneur. His accomplishments, especially his studies in alternative medicine, are impressive. He founded his company in Tokyo at the age of 43. Then, he began to rigorously study the structure and foundations of water in the mid-1990s.

It was from these studies that resulted in Emoto eventually becoming the renowned, alternative scientist who used his advanced photographic techniques to demonstrate the molecular changes in water that resulted from human interaction. In doing so, Dr. Emoto impacted many people’s views on the power and effects of consciousness on our environment.

Dr. Emoto’s Early Work

Dr. Emoto once stated: “Water is the mirror that has the ability to show us what we cannot see. It is a blueprint for our reality, one which can change with a single, positive thought. All it takes is faith, if you’re open to it.” Emoto expanded on the traditional view of energy to include the energy that is created through our thoughts – specifically how these thoughts can alter the physical reality of the universe.

Emoto called this phenomenon ‘Hado’ – meaning “wave” and “move”. Hado is defined as “the intrinsic vibrational pattern at the atomic level in all matter. The smallest unit of energy.” Emoto further postulated that this energy is based on human thought and consciousness.

Hado goes further, stating that all phenomena are based on resonating energy. By changing the vibrations – which we create through our thoughts – we can change the substance. Emoto then set out to substantiate his theories on Hado and to teach the theories to others.

The 1990’s

Through the 1990s, Dr. Emoto performed a number of experiments focusing on the effects of human interaction, such as the environment, music, prayers, and words on the crystalline structure of water. For his experiments, Emoto hired photographers to snap pictures of the structure both before and after being exposed to the interaction.

His experiments included the difference in the crystalline structure of water before and after prayer, from a polluted and clean lake, and from negative (i.e. “You make me sick” and “Adolf Hitler” and positive phrases (i.e. “Thank you” and “Love and appreciation”). When viewing the images, the differences in aesthetics and symmetry of the water’s structure is clear – the “before” images portray dark and almost bacterial-like constituency, while the “after” pictures show a beautiful, snowflake-like image – nearly perfect and without blemish of any kind.

Lake Biwa Experiment

In another experiment on July 25, 1999, Dr. Emoto held a gathering of around 350 Japanese citizens who had all offered their prayers for Lake Biwa – the largest freshwater lake in Japan. At the time of the gathering, Lake Biwa was a polluted and putrid-smelling mass of water. Citizens often complained of the horrendous smell – the by-product of a genus of algae called ‘kokanada’ which also covered the once-beautiful lake.

The Japanese believed that this water needed to be purified, and the people gathered on the shores of Lake Biwa with the full intention to use the power of Hado and Kotodama (the spirit of words) to do so. The words offered on that day included the “Great Declaration,” which “(utilizes) the limitless energy filling the universe…a powerful statement to actualize world peace.” In Japanese culture, these words are thought to spread to penetrate the surrounding elements with fulfillment and happiness.

About a month after the prayers were offered, a major newspaper in Japan – The Kyoto Shinbun – declared that complaints about the lake had drastically decreased, with notable improvement in the water’s condition and the disappearing of the foul odor.

Dr. Emoto was the first one to realize that the conventional scientific community would likely not accept the results of neither his theories nor his experiments. Emoto fully expected this and was prepared when accused of manipulating his water images to coincide with his theories. When asked about these accusations,

Emoto stated:

“This is one of the more difficult areas to clarify. However, from continuing these experiments we have come to the conclusion that the water is reacting the actual words. For example, for our trip to Europe, we tried using the words “thank you” and “you fool” in German. The people on our team who took the actual photographs of the water crystals  did not understand the German for “you fool”, and yet we were able to obtain exactly the same kind of results in the different crystal formations based on the words used.”

When asked to further elaborate on what kinds of words created clear, large clusters in the water’s structure, Emoto replied:

“Slang words like “you fool” destroy clusters. You would not see any crystals in these cases. Negative phrases and words create large clusters or will not form clusters, and positive, beautiful words and phrases create small, tight clusters.”

The Famous Rice Experiment

Despite the opposition, Dr. Emoto persevered and created many more experiments, including the infamous “rice experiment,” in which two jars containing cooked grains of rice were submerged in water and then subjected to both positive and negative phases.

In one of these experiments, schoolchildren, not associated with Dr. Emoto in any way, were asked to repeat positive and negative phrases to the jars every time they passed by. After 30 days, the jar with the positive phrases showed little physical change while the jar with negative comments contained mold and was clearly rotting. One person, curious if they could achieve the results independently, conducted their own experiment with similar results.

Throughout his life, Dr. Emoto gave as much (if not more) credence to the power of positive thinking and faith in our relationship to the physical universe than anyone else before him. He never sought acclaim or recognition for his studies, humbly continuing his work while graciously accepting and responding to any criticism.

Dr. Emoto was as insightful as he was prominent and as humble as he was successful. He produced a body of work that changed many people’s thinking on the power of our consciousness and the importance of thinking positively, despite any difficulties that we may face. His friends and colleagues attest to his honest and kind-hearted nature while fervently defending his integrity and good intentions.

This tribute to Dr. Emoto is well-deserved. Our world has lost a truly great man, and it seems fitting to end the tribute with more insightful words from Dr. Emoto himself. Arigato, Dr. Emoto.

“What you really know is possible in your hearts is possible. We make it possibly by our will. What we imagine in our minds becomes our world. That’s just one of the many things I’ve learned about water.”

The founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, proposes that around 60 percent of your happiness is determined by your genetics and environment while the remaining 40 percent is up to you. Considering that you also have some control over your environment, you have a big say in whether or not you lead a happy life.

Your habits are something within your control and play a large part in determining whether or not you experience happiness. An important aspect of controlling your habits is being mindful as to which ones are taking happiness away and replacing it with something less pleasant.

“Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate. So practice happy thinking every day. Cultivate the merry heart, develop the happiness habit, and life will become a continual feast.” ­–Norman Vincent Peale

Here are 7 habits that can steal your happiness away from you (if you let them)

1. Comparing yourself to others

President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Oh, how true, and yet unfortunate this is. Whether it’s someone else’s physical appearance, job title, income level, house size or something else, comparing yourself to someone else is a bad habit that brings a heavy dose of unhappiness.

As with many other human emotions, our tendency to compare ourselves to others is as natural as it is damaging. It’s also something that you can learn to be mindful of and defend against. One great way of doing this is to become mindfully aware of your own successes and remind yourself of them often throughout the day.

2. Working a joyless job

As Americans, we are some of the most overworked people in the world. We also have the dubious honor of being the unhappiest with our jobs. Gallup conducted a study in which 70% of 150,000 polled were either “disengaged” or “actively disengaged” at work.

Chances are, you have been taught that work is not supposed to be fun. Well, shouldn’t it at least be engaging? It should be… if you are trying to live a happy life anyways. Working a joyless job for no other reason than a paycheck will almost certainly result in discontent and unhappiness.

If you are in this situation (and many are), don’t consider it acceptable. Find work that is personally fulfilling.

3. Allowing worry to control you

“Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” This is a great quote that we all should commit to memory. Going one step further, worry not only gets you nowhere, it can also extinguish the flame of your ambitions.

Worry is often a by-product of holding onto something that has caused you hurt and disappointment in the past. Do yourself a favor and let it go. There is nothing that can be done about it now. You have a present to be experienced, not a past to be relived.

Strip away all of the worry, anxiety, and uncertainty about your life. It’s pointless and often harmful. Instead, focus on your dreams and allow life to unfold as it may…this is where you’ll discover true happiness.

4. Thinking that pursing pleasures brings happiness

The pursuit of pleasure cannot provide you with enduring fulfillment – this includes material possessions.

In a TED talk conducted by Dr. Martin Seligman, he discusses three different kinds of happy lives: a pleasant life, in which you pursue as many pleasures as you can; a life of engagement, in which your find a life in your work, love, parenting and leisure and a meaningful life, which “consists of knowing what your highest strengths are, and using them in the service of something larger than your are.”

Throughout his research, Dr. Seligman has concluded that pursuing pleasure alone will not provide any sort of lasting fulfillment. Instead, a person must also pursue a life of engagement and meaning. Short-lived pleasures, if constantly pursued, will often lead to emotional letdowns and feelings of emptiness.

5. Taking your unwelcome thoughts too seriously

Possessing more brainpower than the world’s most advanced supercomputer is both a blessing and a curse. Your advanced thought processes are great for productivity, complex problem solving and meeting the demands of life. On the other hand, human beings have the innate tendency to overthink things, which can lead to negative thoughts that constantly replay themselves.

Remember this: you are not the sum of all your thoughts. Negative thoughts are tabloid material for your mind – unreliable and misleading. This includes thinking you are not good enough, smart enough, successful enough…you are exactly the person you were meant to be and you can do great things. Don’t read the tabloids.

 6. Neglecting your passions

When you neglect your passions, you neglect one of life’s greatest gifts: doing what you love. Neglecting the things you love doing can be attributed to the constant stressors placed on your life: work, money, bills, and other things that come with living in an “always on” society.

If you can’t for some reason do what you love for a living, try to at least make it a part of your life. Follow your heart, your intuition, and your purpose. You don’t need to make money to pursue your passions in life; you just need to make the effort. Your happiness and passion is something that money can never replace.

7. Putting things off

Having to do something that you aren’t fond of instead of doing something enjoyable can be mentally taxing. Ironically, tacking these boring tasks can actually boost your happiness (please, keep reading).

Don’t just take our word for it – in a survey done by the Procrastination Research Group (there is such a group, by the way) 94 percent of the 10,000 respondents reported that procrastination has negative effects on their happiness, with 19 percent saying that the effect is extremely negative. The reason for this is mostly due to regret. In the long-term, you regret what you don’t do or have put off.

To kick the procrastination habit while boosting your happiness, practice temptation control. For example, if losing weight is a major area of procrastination, go to the grocery store with a detailed list of what to get. If you find yourself checking your e-mail instead of writing your paper, disable the notifications for incoming mail.

If you’re a chronic procrastinator, check out this site created by Piers Steel, author of “The Procrastination Equation”: www.procratinus.com

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines anxiety as “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”

Pretty much all of us can resonate with having had a bout of anxiety… maybe even within the last 24 hours.

Anxiety is incredibly common; especially in this crazy, tuned-in (but not really), smartphone carrying, an ultra-competitive society that we find ourselves in. To be perfectly clear, having occasional anxiety is completely normal. All of us get overwhelmed from time to time, with the demands and stressors of life an almost daily occurrence.

Here are 7 effective, practical ways to deal with anxiety in your life:

“People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on.” – Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now”

1. Remember… anxiety is impulsive.

Sometimes our brain works in mysterious ways. Actually, make that most of the time. Impulsivity is something that we are all subject to from time to time…and it’s automatic.

Our brains have a “fight or flight” mechanism, attributed to evolutionary changes in the brain responsible for controlling how the body functions in an emergency. Here is a brilliant analogy that was found when scouring the web…

While drinking your second cup of coffee at work, you hear your boss say “Could I see you in my office?” Upon hearing these words, the hypothalamus of your brain messages your adrenal glands and within seconds your body is summoning all of the same powers that your cavemen ancestors needed when encountering a wild animal.

As you enter the bosses’ office, you are now experiencing a full-fledged fight or flight response. You know that you can’t flee, so instead, all that energy is just building up inside until you feel like you’re ready to explode. Then, your boss looks your straight in the eye…”We’re considering you for a promotion.”

2. Remind yourself that anxious feelings are temporary.

As with nearly everything else, anxiety comes and goes. The reason for this is simple: our body, mind, and life experiences are constantly changing. As such, our brains must constantly change and adapt.

Uncertainty is without a doubt the most powerful and common precursor of anxiety. When we feel out of control in any way, we are almost always going to experience an anxious response.  When you’re feeling overwhelmed or out of control, remember that these feelings are temporary.  “This too shall pass…”

And then? Well, it begins to go away…

 3. Get active.

Exercise is probably the best antidote to anxiety. It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise– bike, hike, swim, run, shoot hoops – do whatever as long as the heart is pumping as a good rate. Simply put: exercise boosts our mood. Interestingly, exercise of any form has been shown to be as effective (if not more so) than antidepressants.  Not only does exercise boost your mood, but the exposure to fresh clean air and sunshine can also quickly brighten your mood.

In a book called “The Depression Cure”, clinical psychologist states: “Exercise changes the brain. It increases the activity level of important brain chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin…(it) also increases the brain’s production of a key growth hormone that normally plummets in depression…some parts of the brain start to shrink over time, and learning and memory are impaired…exercise reduces this trend, protecting the brain in a way nothing else can.”

4. Treat yourself well.

When we are not feeling well, our innate response is to rest; maybe even make ourselves a hot cup of tea and try to get some sleep. This response is almost automatic…we’ve been “trained” to do this when we don’t feel well.

When we feel anxious, we don’t feel well. The only difference is that we need to be more proactive about how we treat ourselves because we have more control over how we respond, unlike most physical illness.

So, be proactive by meditating, reading something inspiring, getting some rest, getting outdoors…whatever brings feelings of joy and peace, do it. Be your own advocate.

 5. Focus on your breath.

Depending on where and when our anxious feelings occur, we may be limited in how they’re dealt with. If in a cubicle at work or in a crowded public area, bringing attention to your breath is a great way to help ease anxiety.

Bring focus to the breath for a few moments – put one hand on the abdominal area and another on the chest while trying to make the abdominal area move more. The reason: when we are anxious we have a tendency to breathe in a more shallow fashion (with more chest movement).

Make a conscious effort to fill up the abdominal/diaphragm/belly area with deep, mindful inhalations. Then slowly exhale while feeling the anxiety fleeing.  Take a deep breath in for 4 seconds, and slowly exhale over an 8-second count.  Or focus only on your breath for 60 seconds while attempting to think of nothing else.

Proper oxygen sent to the brain can immediately bring a sense of reason back into your mind, allowing your anxiety to diminish.

6. Understand the human brain.

This is another way of reminding us that we are not our brains. This fact cannot be reiterated enough, yet it is often overlooked, or unknown by many.

Neuroscientists, psychologists, and psychiatrists all say the same thing… we have the emotional, primitive parts of our brain (the ‘amygdala’) that is responsible for the generation and processing of primal emotions (fear, worry), and the logical parts – the frontal lobes and cortex which are educated, sophisticated, and reasoning.

In layman’s terms – we have both the drama queen from the local community theatre and the distinguished, intellectual Harvard professor telling us what to do.

7. Distract yourself.

We may have the most complex, advanced brains in the animal kingdom but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t susceptible to a nice, juicy distraction every now and then.

When anxiety is rampant, we want to get out of our own heads as much as possible. It really doesn’t matter how it’s done – a movie, game, book, magazine, puzzle, etc. – as long as it gets the mind to focus onto something else.

How have you overcome anxiety?  Add your valuable resources into the discussion below…