To feel as if you are a victim of your own thoughts is not a pleasant experience. Being barraged by a seemingly endless stream of negative thoughts is both exhausting and potentially even dangerous to your physical and mental health.

“The Buddhists have a great term for these (thought) excesses. They refer to them as the condition of “monkey mind.” A person in the throes of money mind suffers from a consciousness whose constituent parts will not stop bouncing from skull-side to skull-side, which keep flipping and jumping and flinging feces at the walls and swinging from loose neurons like howlers from vines…” – Daniel Smith, author of ‘Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety’

Regardless of what you may think about Buddha or the philosophy of his teachings, he was perhaps the most brilliant psychologist to have ever lived. Long before medication, cognitive therapy, and psychoanalysis, the Buddha was writing and teaching about the human mind with brilliant insight and wisdom.

A core tenant of his teachings was that of a “monkey mind,” describing (accurately) the fact that the human mind can be compared to that of drunken monkeys, where our thoughts are constantly chattering while jumping around aimlessly and endlessly.

These thoughts include those of a negative nature – fear, anxiety and worry among them. Negative thoughts, if prevalent and ceaseless, can indeed sabotage your life. Fortunately, there are some positive practices that will detoxify these drunken monkeys and put them back in their place.

Here are 5 different ways that you can keep negative thoughts from sabotaging your life.

1. Remember that your negative thoughts are automatic.

This cannot be stressed enough. When you are faced with an uncomfortable or undesirable situation, the responses that you often have inside your own mind are frequently automatic. In other words, you really don’t control them – but you do control the reaction that you have. We are going to discuss some specific practices below.

2.  Don’t fight your negative thoughts

Here’s something to remember: you cannot get rid of negative thoughts by engaging in a mental battle with them. These thoughts are not true anyways, so what’s the use in fighting something that is imaginary?

Here’s an analogy: consider a tabloid article about a celebrity engaging in their latest extramarital affair. Out of curiosity, you read the article’s outrageous claims and determine that there is no validity to it. The article is completely biased, its contents exaggerated and taken out of context. With no intent to buy, you put the tabloid and its useless drivel back on the shelf, shake your head, and just move on with your day. While inexplicably enticing, it provides nothing true, important or useful.
Same thing applies to your negative thoughts. It’s tabloid material for your mind.

3. Keep yourself and your thoughts productive

When you do something productive and of value, you are significantly decreasing the possibility of negative thoughts arising. After all, you are doing something enjoyable while realizing the inner fruits of your labor.

Have you ever heard the phrase “The idle mind is the Devil’s workshop?” You don’t need to be of any religious orientation or belief system to understand that remaining idle makes you vulnerable to negative thoughts and feelings. After all, you have a lot of time to think…too much time in many cases.

Read a book, write, listen to music, or check off something on your to-do list. Whatever you do, try to keep your mind engaged in something of value to you.

4. Be aware of the company you keep.

Outside of yourself, the presence of others is the most powerful influence on your thoughts. Therefore, stay away from people who are consistently negative and downtrodden. These types of people will drain your energy, lower your guard, and make you susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings.

In some cases, you may need to work with people like this. If so, limit your interaction to strictly business and nothing else. If these individuals insist on interacting with you, politely state that you have something to do – even if it’s checking the email on your phone). And, if necessary, verbalize your concerns and tell them (politely, but with firmness) that you are trying to keep a positive mindset and that their presence makes it difficult.

While certainly not the easiest thing to do, being straightforward and honest will get negative people thinking about their behavior, while potentially resulting in them making some positive changes. If nothing else, they will limit their interactions with you.

5. Stop procrastinating

Being human, many of us have the tendency to put thyesings off until absolutely necessary. While this tendency is certainly unproductive, procrastination also allows negative thoughts to creep in. These negative thoughts are often a by-product of guilt – you know what you need to do, you have the time to do it, yet you choose not to in favor of engaging in something more interesting.

To stop procrastinating requires both self-discipline and self-awareness. You must learn to control your impulses and redirect your energy towards the task at hand. Further, you must be aware of the fact that immediate gratification is really not gratifying at all. Instead, it produces weakness of character while managing to stunt your ambitions.

In closing…

If you have read the article to this point, you obviously have the mindset of a proactive individual and desire to rid yourself of negative thoughts. Good for you!

While getting rid of all negative thoughts may indeed be impossible, you can take some of the action steps mentioned in this article to drastically reduce their presence. Remember, you are not your negative thoughts. If nothing else, absorb this fact, commit it to memory, and repeat it every time you find a negative thought arising within your mind.

Never, ever let negative thoughts derail you from living the fruitful, happy life that you so deserve.
We hope that you all stay productive, healthy, and encouraged as you continue on in your life’s journey – each and every day.

From the moment you are brought into the world, you develop relationships. With your parents, siblings, near and distant relatives, students, spouse, friends, co-workers. Of course, the list goes on. Something else that we all have in common – we want to have healthy and happy relationships. You desire to have people in your life that appreciate who you are and to whom you can reciprocate those feelings.

“Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candor.”  – Tom Hanks

As you mature, you begin to realize the close connection that we have with our fellow human beings. This deep, personal connection that we establish with each other makes us unique and truly fortunate beings. As with nearly everything else that exists within the human existence, relationships are also complex and diverse – good or bad, deep or distant, intimate or friendly, and even loving or hateful.

Here are eleven things that you can start doing to make your relationships with others more accepting, trusting, peaceful and loving.

1. Accept people how they are

Genetic makeup is complex and certainly beyond the scope of this article. Suffice to say, human beings are amazingly different. We come from different places; have different personalities, minds, character traits, beliefs, and behaviors. We look different, act different, talk different, and live differently.

So, why is it that many are still so unaccepting of other people? When will we realize that diversity contributes to the fabric of our society and is not a burden, but a strength? By accepting people as they are and not trying to change them, you are indeed contributing to the peaceful and healthy existence of our world.

2. Be your natural, imperfect self

Accepting yourself is just as important as accepting others. There is no need to act differently than how you are designed or how you wish to act. When others make a joke at your expense for being different, make a joke about them trying to be like everyone else. Conformity is not strength, but a weakness of character.

You cannot and will not impress everyone, nor should you make the attempt. You are not designed to befriend everyone around you, only those who truly deserve your friendship.

3. Give those you don’t know a chance

In our society, it can be especially difficult to be non-judgmental when it comes to others. Just remember, everyone has a past and nobody can change the hand that they were dealt in life.

The beautiful thing is that everyone you meet has a unique story to tell. This story may be happy, sad, extraordinary or typical. But one fact remains: you should give everyone that you haven’t gotten to know a fair chance, without judgment and without criticism.

4. Show everyone respect

Not everyone deserves your respect but you deserve to give it regardless. You give respect because it’s ingrained in your character to demonstrate your strength of character to your fellow man, not necessarily out of their virtue, but your own.

By accepting people who are different from you, you are showing respect – respect for their differences both good and bad, respectful for their presence, and respect for their rightful place among the rest us. And, most importantly, respect yourself!

5. Be truthful with others

Perhaps nothing strengthens relationships more than being honest with everyone. On the flip side, perhaps nothing weakens (even ruins) relationships more than being deceitful. This includes any kind of “white lie” or any other method of clouding the true meaning behind your words and actions.

If you promise something, keep your word – at home, work, or anywhere else. Don’t create a slippery slope of telling mistruths, however “innocent” they may be. The important thing is that you know the truth and its importance.

6. Forgive people and move on

Forgiving someone is much easier than living with disdain or hate in your heart. It is as much, if not more, about your mental wellbeing than it is about disregarding someone’s affront, however severe it may be.
Forgiveness is important because it opens your heart and mind to placing trust in others.

Having unresolved problems with someone else can lead to the misplaced conception that people as a whole cannot be trusted. Don’t undeservingly do this to yourself or anyone else.

7. Recognize and remember your real friends

Not everyone you associate with or who you consider “a friend” is truly your friend. As with many aspects of our outlook on life, recognition and appreciation of true friendship grow as we mature. We place less emphasis on having a wide circle of friends and more on the depth of those friendships.

You will recognize your true friends in how steadfast they are in remaining by your side.

8. Always be loyal

Be loyal to the people who matter to you the most, including your real friends. Loyalty is not so much about being inseparable as it is being true to those that matter the most to you, regardless of circumstance.

As with having real friends, having those who are truly loyal to you is an incredible gift. If you are loyal to people, many times this loyalty is returned in favor.

9. Stay in touch with those you care about

As you move on, live your life and experience new adventures, there are going to be times when remaining in touch with those you love and care about becomes difficult. Despite this difficulty, you should make the attempt to stay in contact with those who love and care about you.

This can be as simple as a text message or an email – both show that you are thinking about the person. As the old adage goes: “it’s the thought that counts” and this is certainly true in the relationships that matter the most to you.

10. Keep your promises

Many people nowadays both give and accept promises in more of a casual, uncertain manner. Make no mistake – promises are sacred. Basically, you are giving your word while putting your character on display for someone else to critique.

You need to keep your promises as much for your own sake as for the individual to whom you gave your word. Remain mindful of the promises you make and the effects that delivering, or not delivering on your word has in how people view your character.

11. Let go those who have gone

We rarely lose our real friends and lovers; rather we recognize who the real ones are. When someone departs from your life, there is probably a reason that their role in your life story is over.

When people walk away from you, let them walk. Another special and true relationship is waiting out there for you to discover.

 Here are the 5 reasons to look back:

1. To remind yourself how far you’ve come.

Sometimes, you might be hard on yourself and become discouraged. Reflection is important here. Indeed, it switches the mindset and flips the focus back to how far you’ve come rather than how far you have to go. Seeing the progress you’ve made and remembering the things you’ve done right can serve as the positive motivational element you need to stay on the path to success.

2. To keep an open mind and practice empathy

Success may feel elusive to you. However, it’s probably right at the tip of your fingers. All you must do is reach out and grab it.

“Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. Best people give you memories.”

Please read that quote once or twice more. What is the part of that quote that really seems to jump off the page? If you answered ‘all people provide value in your life’, you’re correct.  This quote simply means that your mindset and attitude are the key elements of feeling fulfilled in your experiences and relationships – not material possessions.

You cannot and will not thrive and be fulfilled unless your mind and heart are in balance. Look no further than Hollywood, California for evidence of this. There are more miserable, wealthy people in that city than anywhere else in the world. Why? While they have plenty of money and possessions, they are neither abundant nor fulfilled. They are not truly abundant in their minds and hearts.

Again, thriving is something to be tuned into through our minds and hearts, not acquired through material possessions. As such, you cannot thrive in your life when there are certain negative forces working against you. If you happen to be experiencing any of these forces, don’t blame yourself! We are human beings…complex creatures with complex ways of thinking and feeling. Just make a conscious effort to improve your situation.

Here are 5 things that may be keeping you from Thriving.

1 – A Scarcity Mindset

The mindset of lack is simply operating out of fear, which we all do from time to time. After all, you have responsibilities and obligations to meet and others may depend on you. However, this mindset keeps you from abundance, as it results in making shortsighted decisions to simply “get by.”

According to an article by Psychology Today titled “The Psychology of Scarcity,” Dr. Melanie Greenberg attests that a scarcity mindset shortens and narrows your time frame, resulting in impulsive, short-term decision making that increases difficulties in the long term. An example of this include making excuses for not paying off debt (such as a credit card) while acting impulsively (putting something expensive on that credit card that you refuse to pay off).

Dr. Greenburg recommends 5 ways to overcome a scarcity mindset without becoming complacent – practicing gratitude (being thankful for what you have), not comparing yourself with others (you replace envy with gratitude), stopping obsessive thinking (such as anything wrong you may have done), taking preemptive measures (preparing a budget, buying healthy food to avoid temptation), and not being greedy (helping others leads to more for you).

2 – Feelings of Worthlessness

We are all susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves. Perhaps you’ve even experienced a bout with depression or some other psychological trauma. Psychologists routinely associate a depressed mindset with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Feeling worthless, by definition, is the textbook opposite of feeling abundant. You cannot and will not have an abundant mindset if you feel this way. Feelings of worthlessness can take many different forms, mostly in thoughts or feelings of being deficient in success, attractiveness, intelligence, health, or other negative views towards yourself.

Here’s the thing to remember: you are worth an immeasurable amount, especially to the people who love and care about you. This being the case, it is impossible to be worthless…even if you don’t particularly care for yourself at times.

Dr. Aaron Beck, recognized as the father of modern Cognitive Therapy, recommends refusing to buy into your own sense of worthlessness. More specifically, Dr. Beck details three ways in which you can combat these feelings – monitoring your self-critical dialogue, writing these thoughts as they arise (10-15 minutes each day), and learning to “cope instead of mope” by understanding these thoughts without judgment – just observe your thoughts and watch them disappear. Not judging these feelings results in less depressive thoughts, giving you the ability to lead a life of abundance and positivity.

3 – Judging and Blaming Others

Here is a fact: we all have faults. Nobody is perfect. You are not perfect, nor are the people that you are close with. Unfortunately, you also happen to live in a society that often values status and achievement more than morality and righteousness. As such, people that have not attained “prestige” or “success” are often looked down upon. This goes for people who are “unattractive”, “weird”, or any other negative, vague term you can think of to describe someone.

Judging and blaming someone is just another form of negativity disguised to make you feel better about yourself. However, not only do you harm yourself, you accomplish absolutely nothing. Actually, it does “accomplish” something – it breeds more negative feelings towards others and yourself!  Everyone in your life is there for a reason.

By bringing harm to yourself, you keep yourself from thinking abundantly. Whenever you find yourself judging someone, just smile and say hello instead. Odds are, they are good people who will do the same right back. That is a key to success. Now you’re back on track to your fulfilling and abundant life!

4 – Bad Habits

A bad habit can be anything that you currently do that you wished you didn’t – watching too much TV, eating fast food, smoking, drinking alcohol, cursing…you name it. We do these things because they give us immediate gratification. However, you are reading this article because you desire abundance and fulfillment – not the immediate, fleeting satisfaction of a bad habit.

In keeping with the common theme of the other things keeping you from abundance, bad habits weaken you.  Moreover, they hold you back from success. Bad habits actually have much in common with the scarcity mentality – thinking shortsightedly, being impulsive, making excuses, and narrowing your time frame.

Whatever bad habit you may have, don’t judge yourself but instead take some positive action. Adopt some newer, healthier habits that make you truly happy and more in line with the life that you desire for yourself. There are numerous books on establishing good habits, including how good habits lead to an abundant mindset.

5 – Trapped Emotions

There is no credible psychologist or psychiatrist that denies the negative effects of emotional trauma, including trapped emotions that remain in our subconscious. These emotions are harmful because they are inherently difficult to ignore…they continue to affect you, whether you realize it or not.

Obviously, these emotions have a harmful effect on your psyche and make it difficult to lead a life of abundance and fulfillment. The good news is if you do indeed have some kind of unresolved emotional distress or trauma, there are many different ways that you can relieve yourself of this burden unfairly placed upon you.

One practice that is gaining notoriety is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) tapping. While technically considered an alternative and energy-based therapy, EFT is continuing to gain recognition within the science-driven medical community as a potentially effective practice for treating different kinds of emotional trauma.

Serina Deen, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California – San Francisco wrote an interesting article in Huffington Post titled “Tapping Away Trauma: ‘Emotional Freedom’ Techniques,” where she attests to the positive results of EFT testing on herself and her colleagues despite her initial skepticism.

The Study That Proves the Connection Between Success and Mindset

Also, in an academic study conducted by Ph.D-educated clinical psychologists titled “Neurophysiological Indicators of EFT Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress,” patients who experienced PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) as a result of a severe motor vehicle accident reported improvement immediately following EFT treatment. Scientists administered several neurological tests both pre- and post-treatment. And the outcome signified marked improvement in brain function.

We’ve discussed a few different things that keep you from a mindset of abundance and fulfillment. Our hope is that you recognize the greatness that lies within and put some of these things that may apply to you into practice. After all, you deserve to live a life of abundance and fulfillment. Don’t let anything – even yourself – get in the way of what you aspire to become!

Remember that you control your own odds of success!

Do you feel really and truly stuck?

Life has a tendency to throw us all curveballs from time to time. It may arrive in the form of work, finances, relationships, health, or another area. Indeed, we will all experience difficulties that attempt to derail us from living the lives we desire. The important thing to remember is that it is in how you approach these difficulties that determines the ultimate outcome and the lessons learned.

“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which all difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.” – John Quincy Adams

Here are 11 things to remember when you find yourself stuck in an undesirable situation:

1. Maintain focus

When you find yourself suddenly knocked out of your comfort zone, it can be easy to become distracted and forget your true purpose. Do your best to not let that happen. When difficult circumstances arise, keep your mind keenly fixed on your goals and on accomplishing what you desire in your life. Audibly reaffirm your vision and allow it to continue on its course to you. Remaining focused while disregarding internal or external distractions that arise as you move towards your purpose is very important, and can either lead you to, or away from the goals you desire.

2. Be accountable for your happiness

Relying on others for your happiness or blaming others for the lack thereof will never be a fruitful practice. Understand that your strength stems from your ability to take responsibility for your own happiness. While we all benefit from the good will of others from time to time, only you can make the decision and take the actions necessary to be truly happy and content with your life.

3. Forgive yourself

We are all fallible human beings who face our own unique set of difficulties and adverse situations. Everyone makes mistakes along the way. Some have even made serious mistakes, and find it hard to forgive themselves and move on. When you hold back from forgiving, you hold yourself back from becoming the person you envision. No matter the gravity or the number of your mistakes, you must always make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. (Read 5 reasons why forgiveness is a gift you truly give yourself)

4. Be true to yourself

Another aspect of being human is that most of us want the respect and affection of others. As a result, most of us worry far too much about what others think and don’t think. The fact is we are all different, with our own unique personalities and minds. Some of us are quiet and studious, others are outgoing and gregarious. Some of us love the company of people; others want to just be alone. The point is that we will never please everyone nor should we attempt to. Be true to yourself and the way you live your life.

“Be the best version of you.  There are far too many people out there trying to copy the best of others. Your true excellence is found in your own unique gifts.”
-Kristen Butler

5. Pursue your passions

Most people have something they truly love to do, yet many others are spending our working lives doing something we don’t. According to a Gallup’s 2013 State of the American Workplace study, 70% of Americans describe themselves as “disengaged” from their work. In other words, they dread their jobs. It’s not easy to switch career paths and pursue your dreams, especially if others rely on you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

If you have a calling to do something that makes you happy, then pursue your passion. If nothing else, spend your free time doing the things you love.

6. Avoid negativity

Take a close look at your family, friends, and acquaintances – are there people in your inner circle that exude negativity? At work, are there co-workers who constantly complain and make your time at work more difficult? If so, these are the very same people that could be negatively affecting your mindset. While you can (and should) be compassionate and positive towards them, you do not have to subject yourself to their negativity by remaining in their presence.

If necessary, have a short, respectful conversation with them and voice your concerns. (Read how to deal with negative people)

7. Remain grateful

Despite your difficult circumstances, odds are there is plenty to be grateful for – food, a job, a roof over your head, or a loving family. Remember, there are plenty of people in the world that are living much more difficult lives than we can imagine yet still remain grateful. Think of the things that you do have and not just the things you don’t.

Make it a practice to spend some time each day to contemplate the good in your life.  A great idea is to start a ‘Like List’! (Click here to take the Like-List Challenge)

8. Remember that yesterday is just that

It’s impossible to have a good day today if you are still thinking and worrying about yesterday. Whatever you encountered or experienced yesterday doesn’t matter…it’s a new day. The beautiful thing about life is that we don’t know what’s coming next, and it could be something wonderful. If not, hey there’s always tomorrow!

9. Be present

To be present simply means accepting situations as they arise while maintaining your self-control. If you look closely at all of the problems facing your life, you will notice that many of the problems originate within your own mind. While there are certainly external factors – a hectic job, a full schedule, problems at home, and other difficulties – it is how our mind deals with these external forces that often causes the problem.

Handle the present moment as it comes, good or bad, without thinking about the past or the future. Whatever you are doing, whether it’s at work or at home, do only that one thing and don’t worry about what’s coming next.

10. Enjoy yourself

Remember to enjoy your life and to soak in each joyful moment. Life is too short to worry about difficulties, distractions, and what “may” happen to you. Whatever brings you joy – your family, friends, recreation, exercise, or something else– do those things. When you are at work, be at work. When you are on your time, do the things that you most enjoy.

11. Remember your strength

When we feel stuck, we have a tendency to feel weakened. Remember that you are far stronger than you often give yourself credit for. Sometimes, being stuck can further build on the inner strength that you already possess. Some of history’s greatest achievements were accomplished by individuals who felt stuck or limited in some respect. What made the difference was their mindset and the ability to persevere through the difficult times…you are no different. Remember the great strength that you already possess and anything will seem possible.

We hope this helps you on your journey to being dislodged from your stuck situation.  Feel free to add your own tips in the discussion below!