Psychology Explains Why You Should Care for Yourself First

October 10, 2022 by Chris Butler

You’re a good person, so you want to help others. However, you cannot fix everyone if you do not care for yourself first.

First, a person must desire to see a change in their lives, and being an empath or a caregiver can be exhausting when you desire the changes. Do you tend to seek out the wounded and try to help them recover but soon learn that it drains your resources?

The good inside you wants to help people, even when you have your struggles to handle. You look beyond the current circumstances and see the heart of the person who needs help. Sadly, the reality is that not everything in this life can help fix the issue. It would help if you learned the difference between when it’s a job you can tackle and when you should leave it alone.

Looking back at your childhood, you will often find the answers to why you desire to help others. Were you the person everyone came to as a kid to help with their problems? Did you have a circle of friends who loved to run to you with their drama and sought guidance?

The sad fact is when you were pouring yourself into others and their needs, your needs often were overlooked. Typically in the helper personality, you put everyone else around you before you consider yourself. You eagerly pushed your needs and desires to the back burner so that you could fix others.

“I work to engage in positive health self-care at least once a day. A few days a week, I go for a run. I spend quality time with my spouse and children. I read books that are not related to counseling at least occasionally, I also see a therapist of my own every couple of months as a check in.” – Christine Tolman, LPC

It’s a noble quality to help others, but often it leaves you empty and broken. All the negative energy you take on from the wounded can be quite a lot to handle. How often have you heard that an empty vessel cannot pour into others? Would you try to water your plants with an empty watering pitcher? Of course not!

You would ensure plenty of water so all your flowers got the drink they needed. Why should you be any different? Self-care is so important.

You must take time to refill and rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit. You can’t continuously give all your resources to others, as nothing will be left for you.

Should You Help or Run the Other Way?

Over the years, you’ve probably learned that to show love for people, you must help them. Sadly, a pattern was developing that you didn’t realize. Part of the need to fix others is that you consider certain things unacceptable and not up to your standards.

However, not everyone wants help or to be saved. To love someone, you must learn to accept them for how they are. This is a separate matter when it comes to toxic behaviors like addiction.

Even experts like therapists and psychiatrists need to care for themselves, according to Psych Central.

However, speaking in generalities, you cannot fix the world. The key is to find relationships that are good for you and encourage and strengthen you. It would be best to comprehend that not everyone will live or have the same moral compass as you.

You Can Only Do Good for Others if You Take Care of Yourself, First

The desire to repair a broken person comes from the good inside you, but you can’t always be in the mode of a fixer. It can also be a control issue where you want things to be a certain way that you see as acceptable. It would help to consider that things aren’t always black and white, though there’s always that gray, middle area.

Assume you’re in a physically abusive relationship with your partner. Though you may love them, you don’t have to endure the abuse. While you may learn to accept their flaws, it doesn’t mean you must keep them in your life or that it’s safe to do so.

Part of freeing yourself from this toxic situation is the realization that this person will never change. They have likely learned this cycle of abuse from childhood, and deprogramming them from such a mindset will be a tough challenge. You can’t look at the situation blindly and think things will change, as this will only hurt you in the long run.

Codependent personalities want to save the day as they feel that the other person needs help, but the sad fact is that you need help too. If the other person is depressed and anxious, then the empathy inside you also causes you to be depressed and anxious.

Your desire to fix the situation overrides all reasoning. Establishing firm guidelines for when you should step in and help and walk the other way would be best.

Realizing That Some People Don’t Want Help

One of the harshest realities is realizing someone doesn’t want your help. There are rehabilitation centers across the country filled with drug and alcohol dependencies, yet many have been in these centers repeatedly. You cannot force someone to get help unless they want to change.

You’re just wasting your time if you think you can save the world and will wear yourself out. The movie that recently hit screens called Four Good Days was a shocking timeline of events between a family as a daughter fought addiction. This movie was based on a true story, and it’s a tale that is seen so often in heroin addiction.

The daughter begs the mother to help her free herself from the clutches of heroin one last time. Reluctantly, the mother tries to fix her once again. The story has a happy ending, but it shows how draining it can be to deal with someone so broken. The mother is nearing a breakdown, trying to keep her daughter together.

Refusal of Help Is a Tough Lesson to Learn If You Do Not Care For Yourself First

The reality is that things didn’t change until the daughter in this example decided it was time to get clean and use whatever methods possible to obtain sobriety. Just as the mother in this movie, you cannot lose yourself in helping someone else, and the reality is the person might not want your assistance.

For instance, a person in a relationship where they’re incompatible. Just because there is no abuse doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy. This person may cry on your shoulder for years. You tell them repeatedly that they need to leave and move on, yet they will never leave.

The truth is they don’t know anything other than their situation. They stay because they fear change and are too scared to move forward. This person will drain you completely, and the toxic circle will never change. However, you can and must control what you allow to overwhelm you.

Five Tips to Help You Care For Yourself Better

Your need to help others is noble, but it’s time to consider your self-care. You must take care of your needs to remain mentally strong and physically healthy. Here are some ways to use self-care to ensure proper health.

1. Care for Yourself Through Meditation

You pick up a lot of negativity throughout the day and need an outlet for it. Meditation helps you purge all the negativity so your mind can be at peace.

2. Positive Affirmations

There is much power in the words you speak, so learn to choose each one wisely. Start each day with affirmations of positivity. Tell yourself how much you’re loved, that you will have a good day, and how you will conquer your goals. It will change your mindset and put you on the right path.

3. Move Your Body

Exercise is essential to keep your physical health intact but can also help you mentally. According to the National Library of Medicine, a good workout session can boost your brain chemicals, give you clarity, and keep you mentally strong.

4. Care for Yourself by Spending Time in Nature

It would help if you allowed yourself to breathe in all the fresh air from Mother Nature and enjoy the beauty all around you. Don’t be so focused on helping others that you miss the beautiful roses blooming in your yard or the wildflowers growing by your driveway.

Walk around in your yard barefooted and feel the earth and its vibrations on your skin. It’s a very humbling experience.

5. Journal

It would help if you had a healthy outlet for all your stress, and journaling is a great way to achieve this. Getting things down on paper can help you release their hold on you.

Final Thoughts on Why You Should Care for Yourself to Help Others

The desire to help others comes deep within and in a good place. However, you cannot permit the need to fix everyone around you that you neglect things that need correction. Some folks become so busy with the lives of those around them that they ignore their issues.

Did you know it’s easier to help someone else with their problems than to address the ones you have going on? It’s time to get into a better place for your mental sanity and your family. You can’t save the world, but you can ensure you’re in an excellent place to enjoy life and live it to the fullest.

15 Behaviors to Reclaim Happiness After a Breakup

October 10, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Going through a breakup can be devastating and likely stir up some negative feelings. You might be angry, hurt, confused, scared, or sad, but you can reclaim happiness and move on. While you might not feel like that is possible right now, you will find that you can find joy again.

The negative feelings that come after a breakup do not last forever. You must take it one day at a time and give yourself time to grieve and heal. Each day is one step closer to overcoming, so keep pushing through.

How to Reclaim Happiness After a Breakup

When you find yourself struggling, there are things you can do to help you along. These tips will help you reclaim happiness and find joy in your life again.

1. Give Yourself Enough Time and Permission to Grieve

Breakups are devastating and can leave you feeling hurt, insecure, and many other negative feelings. You need time to get over these feelings, and grieving is the only way to get started. Permit yourself to grieve and give yourself plenty of time.

There is no rush, and it won’t happen immediately. Work on it a little at a time, and give in to your feelings sometimes. Some days will be better than others, but allow yourself to cry or wallow when necessary.

2. Take Care of Yourself

If you want to reclaim happiness, you must focus on yourself. Take care of yourself by practicing self-care both physically and mentally. Get out of bed in the morning, take a shower, and eat a nutritious meal each day.

Your physical needs must be met, and your emotional ones need to be, as well. Get enough sleep, exercise, spend time with family and friends and do things that you enjoy.

Part of taking care of yourself means handling your responsibilities, too. Go to work when you’re supposed to, do your job, and make sure to pay the bills when they are due. If you let these practical things go, you’ll never manage to find happiness again.

3. Don’t Blame Yourself

It is easy to fall into the trap of self-blame after a breakup. Neither of you is perfect, so you both likely made some mistakes along the way.

If you made a mistake, it is fine to recognize it. It should be used as a learning opportunity instead of a reason to blame yourself.

4. Pursue Your Personal Goals and Make a Positive Life Change

Now is the time to do whatever you have always wanted to do. Make the most of your time spent alone, and use it to pursue things you didn’t have time for before. Set goals and chase your dreams as you make positive life changes that will bring happiness.

If you haven’t achieved your life dream yet, work on that. Otherwise, set new goals for yourself and focus your time and energy on making progress.

As you advance and develop your skills, you will feel more confident. It will keep you focused on something positive and give you a sense of individuality.

5. Recognize Your Feelings

You can’t grieve, move on, and find happiness if you don’t acknowledge your feelings. Take some time to sit quietly and pay attention to the way you feel. Your thoughts and emotions can help with recognition, and then you can focus on the rest.

6. Spend Time Doing Your Hobbies

Spending time doing what you love to do is essential if you want to reclaim happiness and find joy. You can do hobbies you used to enjoy but don’t do much anymore, or you can find new hobbies to try.

If you are looking for a new hobby, some ideas include:

arts and crafts
learning a musical instrument
sports
outdoor activities
exercise
writing

7. Turn to Your Support System

After a breakup, you need some support. Even if you are a private person, you will feel better if you have some company. When you feel upset, lonely, or angry, reach out to your trusted friends and family. Most people have been through a breakup, so they will be understanding and sympathetic.

Your support system should consist of people who are positively there for you. They might offer encouragement or help you work through your feelings. Spending time with those you care about can also help distract you from any negative feelings.

If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can talk to, consider professional support. A counselor or therapist can help you work through your feelings, and it’s helpful that they are unbiased.

8. Avoid Checking in on Your Ex

Checking in on your ex when you are still healing from the breakup is incredibly tempting. Looking them up on social media or asking around about them could hinder your healing process. It could even set you back and cause negative feelings to resurface.

If you have to, deactivate your social media accounts or delete the apps from your phone for a while. This will help you resist the temptation as it will take more work to look them up.

9. Remember That the Emotional Pain is Temporary

The pain you feel after a breakup is real and intense, but it will improve. Remind yourself that this emotional pain is only temporary when it seems like things can’t get any worse. You will reclaim happiness and find joy in life again.

Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Remember that the process has no timeframe, and it differs for everyone. Be patient and compassionate to yourself along the way.

10. Learn and Grow

Everything that happens in your life is a learning opportunity. Even through your pain, you should be finding ways to learn, grow, and better yourself as a person.

Reflect on your role in the breakup and the relationship in general. You are smarter now; once you have broken up with your ex, you can look at things differently. Figure out what you can do to become a better person and partner in the future.

You can learn from both the good and the bad times in your relationship. Learning will help you see the reason for the breakup and the benefit of this stage of your life.

11. Practice Self-Love and Positive Self-Talk

You will be surprised by how much self-love and positive self-talk can help you reclaim happiness. These positive behaviors will help you reaffirm your belief in yourself, which is essential right now. Even if you made mistakes, you deserve self-love and positivity.

If you give in to negative thinking, find a way to change your mindset. Push the negative thoughts away and replace them with positive things about yourself. No matter what anyone else says, you deserve love and support and should start giving it to yourself.

12. Revisit Places You Love

Don’t let memories of your ex ruin your favorite places. It is tempting to avoid locations that entice memories with your ex, but you have to reclaim that part of your life.

The more frequently you visit those places, the better you will feel about it. Before you know it, you will create new memories that don’t bring up negative feelings.

13. Be Realistic

You must be real with yourself in all areas of your life, especially after a breakup. Negative thoughts won’t help, so be realistic and check your mindset. You will be more motivated to think positively when you acknowledge that your negative thoughts aren’t helpful.

Be realistic with yourself when it comes to the healing process. You won’t feel better overnight; some days might be worse than others. It takes time, and you can’t skip ahead, unfortunately.

14. Volunteer

When you spend time volunteering, you won’t think about yourself and your issues as much. You will be so focused on the task and helping others that you will find joy in it. Find a volunteer opportunity that involves doing something you enjoy so that you can have fun while helping out.

15. Accept it and Reclaim Your Peace

There is nothing you can do to change what happened, so acceptance is essential. Remember that there is a reason your relationship didn’t work out so that you can work on finding peace. Acceptance and coming to terms with the situation will help you move on.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Make it Easier to Reclaim Happiness After a Breakup

It doesn’t matter if you were the one who ended the relationship or the one broken up with. Either situation can be difficult, and you are bound to be upset or hurt. There is a way to reclaim happiness, though.

As you work through your breakup, remember these tips to help you get through. Each day you wake up and give these behaviors a shot, you will be one step closer to happiness.

15 Daily Affirmations to Trust Your Intuition

October 9, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

You might sometimes struggle to trust your intuition, causing you to doubt yourself. When that happens, finding a way to reaffirm your trust is essential for moving forward. Feeling disconnected sometimes is normal, but you must always find a way to reconnect.

Using daily affirmations can quickly help you trust your intuition again. They can help you reset your thought process and realign with your inner guidance. With these daily affirmations, you will feel guided, inspired, and connected to your purpose in life again.

As you use these positive phrases, you will notice a boost in your self-esteem, too. You can refocus your attention and energy on the things that matter most and become a better version of yourself. Daily affirmations will help you stay in tune with your inner guidance and intuition.

Fifteen Daily Affirmations to Help You Trust Your Intuition

Repeat the daily affirmations each morning, and start to memorize the ones that resonate with you the most. Then, you can use positive phrases throughout the day whenever you need a boost. Making affirmations a habit will help you trust your intuition all of the time.

1. I strive to learn from and understand my life experiences.

If you want to trust your intuition, you must continually learn and grow as a person. With understanding, you can figure out how to do better next time. This affirmation will help you see that each situation is an opportunity for growth, especially the mistakes and failures.

When you continually learn and develop, your intuition increases. You will feel more comfortable making decisions and know what the right thing is for your life. Always look for what you can learn because that is the best way to find faith in your intuition.

2. My possibilities and opportunities are endless.

There are no limits to your success, so trust yourself as you work to meet new goals. You can do anything you set your mind to, so use this affirmation to remind yourself of your capabilities.

No one can place limits on your success except yourself. As long as you believe in yourself and your intuition, you will meet every goal you have. Avoid negative self-thoughts that tell you that you can’t do something.

Your intuition knows what you can do before you do, so pay attention to those dreams that are just taking root. Act on the inner visions you have for your life because those are the ones that are meant to be.

3. I am connected to my future.

Trusting your intuition is essential to being connected to your future and acknowledging its beauty. Think of your future as a beautiful place full of abundance and opportunity. While you shouldn’t avoid the present with your thoughts of the future, embrace your ideals of what is to come.

As you think of your future in this way, you will feel more connected to it. With a deeper connection to what is to come, you will find it easier to move in that direction.

4. I am highly intuitive.

This simple affirmation is the perfect one to say in the morning as you prepare for the day. It covers all of the bases and allows you to remember that you are already intuitive.

If you tell yourself right from the start that you are intuitive, your intuition will take over more often throughout the day. This affirmation is a powerful way to feel more connected to your intuition, helping you recognize and follow it.

If you have issues with feeling disconnected from your intuition, this is a beneficial place to start. It will help you find and trust in your inner guidance and wisdom. Recognize your intuition, and you will begin to trust it much more.

5. I am true to myself in all situations.

If you trust your intuition, you will always remain true to your values and beliefs. Your intuition will be your first instinct in every moment. If you listen to it and follow its guidance, you will find that staying true to yourself is easy.

6. I can see things and think them through clearly.

Imagine wiping your vision clean and seeing things through clear lenses. This affirmation with the visualization will help you be more alert. Plus, it will help you recognize things clearly, allowing your intuition to take over when necessary.

7. I am living in the present.

Living in the present allows you to trust your intuition by having a clearer mind and being more aware. You let go of past regrets and worries for the future. You start to trust yourself a little more as you give them up.

8. I listen to and trust myself.

Sometimes your logic outweighs your intellect, and you make the wrong choice. By listening to and trusting yourself, you can avoid that problem and focus on your first instinct instead.

It is normal to doubt your intuition sometimes, so don’t feel bad if you experience it. While it is normal, you should continue to work on fixing it.

When you become comfortable following your intuition, you will feel more confident. You will have a constant guide that helps you make the best life choices.

9. I am open to receiving messages from the universe.

Being open to messages from the universe will help you stay in tune with your instincts. Believe in divine guidance and listen for those small urges that seem to come from nowhere. Stay connected to your inner guidance and the wisdom from the universe.

10. I am wise and knowing.

If you recognize that you are wise and knowing, it can help you with trusting your intuition. Admit that you know essential things and know what to do in challenging situations. You are wiser and stronger than you realize and should give yourself more credit.

As you admit these things to yourself, your brain will process them as the truth. Then, you will be confident in yourself and the decisions that you must make on a whim.

11. I spend time self-reflecting.

Your intuition bases decisions on what it has already experienced or what it knows. By spending time self-reflecting, you are giving yourself a better opportunity to learn from the past. Pay attention to the little things and think about why or how something happened.

When you self-reflect, you learn more than when you push the thoughts from your mind. It isn’t good to dwell in the past, but learning from your experiences requires healthy self-reflection.

12. My intuition improves more each day.

Trust that your intuition is improving, and you will begin to trust yourself a little more. Use this affirmation each morning so that you can notice the difference it makes throughout the day. This phrase will also help you look for the lessons in every experience too.

13. I am insightful.

With insight, you can see the physical world differently. It also helps you see life’s purpose a little better, and you will see a clear path for achieving your purpose. This affirmation will often help you stay dedicated to reaching your dreams as you learn to believe in yourself more.

14. I recognize my passion and purpose in life.

You can pursue your life purpose passionately and fully with a clear idea of your life purpose. This daily affirmation will remind you to keep your sights on what you want not to get lead astray. If you ever begin to question yourself, repeat this affirmation until you trust yourself again.

15. I know that the answer lies within me.

You already have all of the answers you need, as long as you listen for them. Look within and listen to the messages that your intuition is sending. The best solution is usually your first instinct, so pay attention to what comes to mind first.

The answers will come once you start paying attention to your inner guidance. This daily affirmation will make you aware of your inner thoughts and intuition. It will allow you to recognize the answers as they come to you rather than push them away.

Final Thoughts on Daily Affirmations to Help You Trust Your Intuition

You will sometimes doubt yourself and your intuition as you go through life. Trusting your intuition can make all the difference in your overall well-being and success. Reconnecting with your instincts is easy once you know how to do it.

Finding the daily affirmations that work for you is essential to the phrases’ success. Say them all out loud and figure out which ones resonate the most. Then, write them down or print them so you have them nearby daily.

As you make these affirmations a daily habit, you will trust yourself a little more. Decisions will be easier to make, and you will feel more confident as you go through your day.

12 Tips to Help You Stop Overreaction When Angry

October 9, 2022 by Chris Butler

Anger is the easiest emotion to show, so it’s no wonder why many people blow their tops when they get upset. It’s okay to get angry, but this overreaction often causes you to say and do things you wouldn’t normally do. For instance, do you tend to say something you soon regret because you go off the deep end?

You’re not alone, as many people tend to overreact when they’re mad. What causes someone to hit another person, punch walls, or say cruel and mean things just because they hit their boiling point? According to Mental Help, the amygdala of the brain is in the prefrontal cortex, which is the section that helps control your emotions.

Now, if someone has a condition that affects this area of the brain, like dementia or neuro-bulbar disease, it can cause your emotions to be an array. However, most people have trouble controlling their anger, which can be fueled by stress, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Twelve Practical Tips to Control Your Anger

Unless you have a medical reason for being angry and overreacting to emotions, you likely have a problem with anger. You can stop the overreactions by learning a few tips to help you manage the condition. Sadly, some people are a bit more hotheaded than others, but you can learn effective ways to manage your rage.

1. Put Yourself in Time Out

While you may think of time out as something done to correct 2-3-year-old children, it can be just as effective for an adult. If you feel that rage churning inside, you need to take a time out. Don’t say something you regret or do that could damage your relationships.

Do whatever you need to do to calm down. Focus your attention on a game, a funny meme, or surf the internet. Diversion is the key to controlling your anger and stopping an overreaction.

2. Stop Talking and Walk Away

The most important thing is to remember when you’re in this situation to walk away. Stop speaking, as you cannot control yourself while raging inside.

Even if you must put your hand over your mouth, do it until you’re away from others. Remember that you’re not in a good place, and the words you say can hurt deeply.

3. Play Some Music

It’s often been said that music calms the savage beast, so why not turn on some tunes? Many genres of music can help you to get control of yourself. Maybe you feel like some rock and roll that allows for head-banging and screaming, and you can do that as it’s a positive way to release these negative emotions.

4. Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings

While the last thing that comes to mind when you’re mad is writing, it can be an excellent tool to get out your frustrations. Instead of voicing your anger, why not write or type it out in a journal? You can pound out your irritation on a keyboard and say anything.

Having a diary or journal to get all the negative inside out is a positive thing for you mentally.

5. Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation is a great tool when you feel every muscle tensing up from your body’s overreaction to stress. Start with a general area, like your neck. Keep this area still and focus all your energy on removing the strain from this region.

Take deep breaths and allow the tension to flow from you. Once you’ve done your neck, work on your back, arms, legs, and any other areas of concern. Breathe in and out, feeling the tension evaporate from these precisely focused areas.

6. Take a Walk to Remove the Edge of Your Overreaction

There’s something tranquil and healing about being outside in nature. Feeling the gentle breeze against your skin or the sun’s golden rays can do wonders for your mood. If you feel out of control and so mad you want to hit something, release your energy by walking or running outside.

7. Use Rhythmic or Box Breathing

Box breathing can be used alongside other relaxation methods, and it’s an excellent technique that can bring you relief. It’s often used for those who suffer from panic and anxiety disorders.

To do this relaxing act, you start by inhaling and holding your breath for the count of five and then release it slowly to the count of five. You can adjust the counts, as some folks can’t hold it out for that long, and others find it better to hold it out a bit longer.

You will instantly calm yourself when you bring air into your lungs, as your muscles tense and breathing becomes labored when you’re upset.

8. Try Some Yoga Movements or Stretches

Yoga is a powerful exercise that incorporates movement with relaxation. One way to calm yourself and get into a better headspace is by raising your feel-good brain chemicals through yoga. Many people use gentle movements through this exercise to help manage stress or even anger.

9. Visualize a Stop Sign

Visualization is another powerful method that can help calm you. When you start to feel your temper flare, visualize a stop sign before you. The bright red sign indicates that you’ve hit the red zone, or your anger is becoming hot.

Try this little trick the next time you start to go off the deep end and see if it helps you. If you don’t want to visualize a stop sign, imagine yourself lying on the beach or in a beautiful mountain setting. The key is to remove yourself from the place that’s causing you stress, and you can transport yourself to another dimension where things are tranquil.

10. Phone a Friend

If you’re enraged and want someone to talk you off the ledge, you need to call a friend you trust for help. Friendships are significant and very much necessary in life. Do you have someone who can talk some sense into you when you seem out of control?

The right person will know what to say to make you come to your senses. Remember the old television show Who Want’s To Be A Millionaire? When someone was stumped, they had a few ways to get help. One of these methods was to phone a friend.

Friendships are worth the effort you put into them, and you must have someone on standby when you need them most.

11. Look At the Big Picture

Sure, something has made you simmer like a boiling pot. However, it would help if you looked at the big picture. Did someone cut you off in traffic, and you wanted to chase them down?

Think of it this way; they might have been in a hurry to get to the hospital to see a loved one in dire condition. What if the person who cheated you on purchase on social media marketplace doesn’t have food for their children? It doesn’t make the actions done to you right, but it can help you be a better person and overlook situations.

Please don’t get all angry about something that might have been done in their time of desperation. Show compassion to others and look at the big picture rather than focusing on your internal rising thermostat.

12. Is There an Underlying Issue?

You might react because you are exhausted from lack of sleep, stressed out from work responsibilities, or have an undiagnosed mental health issue. Knowing where this anger is coming from is essential to work on a resolution.

It’s easy to say someone has a boiling temper, but something else may be under the surface causing you to act this way. If you’ve had anger issues since childhood, then there’s probably nothing but a bad temper to blame.

Final Thoughts on Stopping Your Overreaction to Anger

Dealing with anger or rage can be a significant problem. Please don’t rule out that an underlying medical or mental health issue is causing it, but it might be a poorly controlled temper. Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., believes anger is often mixed with a negative thought process.

For instance, if you look at someone cutting you off in traffic as an inconvenience, you will react differently than if you used compassion. Think on the other side of things, why were they in such a hurry, it might change how you view the incident.

One thing is for sure; if you don’t learn to control your overreaction to something, it can cost you relationships, jobs, and even your sanity. So, try putting together a plan on how to control yourself the next time you feel your blood boil.

12 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Has an Independent Nature

October 9, 2022 by Power of Positivity

Do you have an independent nature? Are you carefree and tend to be more of a free spirit? Why are some people so dependent on others, and some folks make their own way in life? Could genetics be part of the reason why you are a trailblazer?

Some people are born this way, and they most likely have a parent who has a strong personality and an iron will. However, others develop an independent nature after years of circumstances that force them to be this way. Consequently, it’s not a bad trait to possess.

Look back through history at all the greats who marched to the beat of their own drum. You undoubtedly didn’t see Amelia Earhart waiting in line for her dream to fly a plane. She was the first woman to be brave enough to fly a plane across the Atlantic Ocean.

What about Jane Goodall, the brilliant scientist and expert on chimpanzees? She used her love of nature and animals to do groundbreaking work. In fact, her legacy lives on far beyond her passing, as the Jane Goodall Institute is still in operation. She didn’t take a back seat or wait on someone else to uncover the secrets of these magnificent creatures.

There were many others throughout history, such as Henry Ford and his automobiles, Milton Hershey and his chocolate, and even Thomas Edison and the light bulb. All these people have one thing in common; they didn’t depend on others to do what they knew could be done. They used the gifts and talents they had to make a difference.

Twelve Signs of an Independent Nature

How do you know if someone has an independent nature? Is confidence exuding from their body, or is it something about how they walk, talk, dress, or act? Many things are easy to identify with these folks, and here are the most common ones to detect.

1. Completing Tasks with No Help

As in the famous stories listed above, the independent person gets things done and doesn’t wait for help. They dive in headfirst to accomplish things, with or without assistance. They are a go-getter and a problem solver, and assistance is something they can do with or without.

2. Prefers Solitude to A Group

The independent person has different thought processes and interests than others. Since they are so driven, they often like to be alone with their thoughts. They have big plans and dreams and see hanging out and partying as a total waste of time.

They would rather be home doing budgets, dreaming of new inventions, or working. Hard work isn’t anything abnormal for this person. They want friends, but the only problem is that it requires them to depend on others for that to happen.

3. Always Feels Like the Odd Man (or Woman) Out

Even among their family, the person with an independent nature seems to feel like the odd person out. They don’t quite click with others because they just don’t see the world the same way.

They feel like their interests don’t match their family’s, and they tend to be on the outside looking in all the time. The family may view them as odd, eccentric, or just weird.

4. Shopping Isn’t Fun

One interesting oddity about the free-spirited is that they know what they want. When they go to the store, they go in, get what they need, and leave. They hate shopping with others who wish to browse, try on clothes, and spent time lollygagging. They’ve got things to do, and once they’ve got what they need, they don’t want to waste any more time.

5. Saying “No” Isn’t Difficult

How often have you taken on more than you can handle simply because you refuse to say no? This usually isn’t a problem for the independent person, as they have no qualms about telling you or anyone else when they can’t or don’t want to do something.

They tend to be outspoken, so they don’t beat around the bush. Many people take things the wrong way, but they aren’t meaning to hurt your feelings just saying they’ve reached their limit.

A quote by Maya Angelou might best sum this up:

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”

Maya Angelou spoke from her experiences and a place of truth. She knew that to achieve her dreams, she had to remove the many roadblocks others put up in front of her. Of course, she became one of the most prolific American voices, despite her struggles.

6. Strong and Focused

This person is a human being with feelings and emotions just like anyone else. The difference is that they don’t let their emotions overtake them. Even if the world is crashing in around them, they still know that they have a job that they must get done.

Consider Oprah Winfrey. She rose above a very difficult childhood and became the world’s most influential woman by refusing to let her circumstances distract her. She set a goal to break into news broadcasting and now owns a popular media company.

Other people with an independent nature behave similarly. For example, if their spouse just left them, they would cry privately, but they still get up and go to work the next day. They don’t let things detour them from their responsibilities. They are some of the strongest people you will ever meet.

7. Born To Lead

The independent person is a born leader, and they seem to take charge regardless of their situation. The leadership qualities they possess shine through in all areas, and they often are in management positions because they don’t do well working under others. Their free-spirited nature gets them in a lot of trouble sometimes.

8. Often Told They’re Rude

The independent person is often misunderstood, and some think they’re rude. It’s not that they’re snappy, but they “shoot from the hip.” You can count on this person because you will always know where you stand with them. They don’t like to sugarcoat anything.

While it may come off as rude, you would much rather have someone be honest with you than tell you what you want to hear and lie behind your back. This person is truthful to a fault.

9. Debt Is Nauseating to Someone with an Independent Nature

These people don’t like debt, which means they’re indebted to someone else. They would rather pay cash for their stuff and know that they own it outright. Going into debt for a new car just makes them feel sick.

Consequently, have you ever seen someone who you knew had money but refused to use a dime of it? They will drive the same car till it can’t be driven anymore. These people see money’s value and don’t like to part with it so quickly.

10. Always Planning for The Future

Looking at the big picture is often hard for some folks to do. However, the driven individual always plans. They see today as a stepping stone to where they want to be.

This individual makes very calculated moves as they want to make sure that they protect their future.

11. Career Focused

Most of the time and energy that this individual puts forth in a day is spend on their career. Since they’re incredibly ambitious, they might have their hand in two or three pots. They want to make money, but it’s more about making a name for themselves and accomplishing a goal.

Do you think Albert Einstein developed the theory of relativity intending to make money? Of course not! He wanted to change the world and to make things better for those around him. He had degrees in science, medicine, and philosophy, according to The Nobel Prize.

He wanted to make a difference, not become rich. In fact, his true wealth and value weren’t discovered until after his death.

12. Peer Pressure Isn’t An Issue

Peer pressure is often a problem in childhood and even as an adult. However, the independent person doesn’t care what’s the “norm” or socially acceptable.

They are who they are and don’t apologize to anyone for being different. Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if everyone were the same?

Final Thoughts on Having an Independent Nature

Being independent can be both a blessing and a curse. While, on the one hand, you have this fearless nature and are a go-getter, the social aspects of life may not come easy to you. People often misunderstand those who are trailblazers, as they tend to be in a world all their own.

Beethoven is considered the most influential composer of all time. Yet, he had a great contempt for authority and social rank, so he preferred to fly solo. Having an independent nature can make like quite lonely when it comes to friends, but these folks usually make up for it by keeping busy with work.

Dr. Ty Tashiro from King University describes that social awkwardness isn’t always a big problem, though it can be inconvenient. He goes on to say that people who society views as awkward are typically those who excel in many areas and almost always bring a unique perspective to those around them.

If you tend to be independent and are often labeled as weird or the odd man out, you should consider that a compliment. History is full of people who paved the way for you to have the life you have today, and they were all a little odd too.

Additionally, it’s always better to be a trailblazer and not depend on anyone than to be so dependent on people that you can’t do anything without help. After reading through this list, do you see yourself as an independent person?

10 Ways to Overcome Self-Pity and Be Happy Again

October 9, 2022 by Power of Positivity

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself? It’s a normal reaction to occasional disappointments and hurt in life. Although it’s okay to experience self-pity, it’s not a mental place you want to stay.

You often internalize the pain when you’ve been hurt by someone or by unexplainable circumstances. You want to roll up in a ball and hide under the blankets to insulate yourself from the evil world. During depressive times, you’re apt to experience a seesaw of emotions from anger, sadness, and even hopelessness.

A study published in the Journal of Personality by Dr. Joachim Stober mentions the link between self-pity and personality, anger, and beliefs about control. Stober states that people who constantly feel sorry for themselves often believe that chance and influential people control them. They often ruminate on the pain and anger and have lonely, worrisome attachments.

Feeling Sorry for Yourself (Self-Pity) Versus Self-Compassion

There’s a big difference between feeling sorry for yourself and practicing self-compassion. The pity for yourself leaves you stuck in the mire of negative emotions and self-destructive behaviors. While it puts you in center stage, it does nothing to solve any problems.

However, self-compassion acknowledges that life can sometimes be challenging and even hurtful. Not everybody has your best interests at heart. Self-compassion recognizes the hurt you’ve experienced while inspiring you to find healing solutions.

You have the choice to learn from negative experiences and grow or to allow them to suppress your confidence and ambition. Being compassionate with yourself brings you to those crossroads and helps you choose the right path. Pity parties may seem justifiable for the moment, but the only one who loses, in the long run, is you.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Just because you are an emotionally intense person doesn’t mean you won’t experience negative emotions occasionally. It’s part of life and something that you’re best to acknowledge with self-compassion. Permit yourself to feel the raw edges of grief, anger, and despair.

Once you confront your self-pity in the mirror of your consciousness, you cope with them. Realize that it’s a waste of time and energy wondering about the fairness of the world. Some questions don’t have answers, so you work your way through them.

A Psych Central article written by Jeffrey Ditzell, D.O., explains clearly why you should not ignore your emotions:

“Think of your negative thoughts as an untrained, jumping, barking dog. You can try and ignore them, tell them “no,” or turn on Netflix to tune them out, but they’ll keep hounding you until you give them some attention.”

2. Question Your Perceptions

Why is it easier to accept negative perceptions than positive ones? The pain and emotions keep snowballing when a person or a situation has hurt you. You may focus on negative points in your life rather than all your blessings.

When you feel overwhelmed with negativity and believe the sky is falling, stand back for a moment. Have the emotions from feeling sorry for yourself tainted the perception of your world? Allow yourself to experience the hurt, but don’t lose sight of all the positive things you have.

3. Recognize When You’re Struggling

Has a friend or loved one ever done you wrong, and you can’t get past it? Maybe you’ve experienced a big disappointment like a job loss or a missed opportunity. The longer you refuse to deal with your feelings, the longer they will fester into bitterness and negativity.

Since your actions often mirror your feelings, self-pity may cause you to snap at people or avoid socialization. These unchecked emotions and behaviors may lead to anxiety and depression. When you take control initially, it’s easier not to allow yourself to get to this point.

4. Turn Your Negative Emotions into a Challenge

Do you know that the law of attraction works for positive and negative affirmations? Your thoughts may turn dark if you’re throwing a colossal pity party for yourself. Since you’re experiencing one bad incident, may you assume more are on the way?

You may send negative affirmations into the Universe like “I never get a break in life,” or “Everybody is out to hurt and destroy me.” The Universe hears your affirmations and returns in kind, and you’ll continually reap negativity. Things will only change when you change your attitude and affirmations.

For example, “I may have lost this time, but I have better opportunities coming” or “They hurt me, but I still have countless people who are still at my side.” Again, your affirmations attract like, and the silver linings shine through the clouds.

5. Practice Gratitude Each Day

Feeling sorry for yourself often acts as a smothering blindfold. The painful emotions from your situation distract you from beautiful blessings. Being grateful shifts your attitude back into focus.

You can practice gratitude to make a list and post it where you see it daily. Look at your list when you feel down in the dumps and are tempted to drown yourself in pity. Gratitude is a persuasive reminder of how strong you are and how the Universe has your back.

The March 2019 NIH Newsletter, News in Health, had this to say about how gratitude can increase positive thoughts.

“When you make gratitude a regular habit, it can help you learn to recognize good things in your life despite the bad things that might be happening.”

6. Use Your Time Wisely

Life is way too short to waste on a pity party where you’re the only guest. Instead, push past the pity and use the time to think of solutions for your problem. How can you use your resources to make the situation better?

For example, you may feel miserable because you were passed over for a job promotion. You could cover yourself in resentment for your boss and your disappointments. Or you could learn from the experience and find ways to hone your knowledge and skills for the next time.

7. Close the Complaint Department

How do you feel around a negative person who constantly moans and complains about everything? Before long, their negative words and attitude bring you down. Refuse to be that miserable person in your mind or with others.

Do you have a situation that keeps you down in the dumps? Instead of bellyaching, decide that you’re doing something to make changes. If a situation is beyond your control, find healthy ways to cope with it.

Remember that complaints turn into negative affirmations that disperse throughout the Universe. Do yourself a favor and put a positive spin on your problem. You’ll be surprised at the creative solutions coming your way soon.

8. Lend a Hand

Self-pity locks you in a dark solitary place, and your unchecked emotions shackle you. When you’re hurting, it’s easy to think that you’re the only person who’s ever experienced such pain. A simple glance around you will tell you a different story.

In fact, you may also see your problems in a different light when you see the struggles of others. The things you thought were singular and unforgivable may pale compared to other people’s experiences. They may also be an inspiration for solutions in your own life.

Helping others allows you to feel good about yourself and to get other perspectives. According to an article published by the British Mental Health Foundation, these acts of kindness may boost your happiness, optimism, and feelings of self-confidence.

The Mayo Clinic agrees. They note that volunteering to help others can ease symptoms of depression, lower stress, and might help you live longer. All these things can contribute to reducing your feeling sorry for yourself.

9. Recognize Patterns of Self-Pity in Your Life

As you reflect on your life’s landscape, notice any patterns of feeling sorry for yourself. Were these isolated incidences, or were they patterns of behavior that caused you turmoil? These situations may have been exacerbated by blaming others or harboring resentment.

What actions can you take to avoid these pitfalls in the future? This step requires self-honesty, accepting responsibility, and making necessary changes. You’ll also learn to recognize when you are ruminating on your past and stop it before it gets out of hand.

10. Learn to Apologize and Practice Forgiveness

It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you realize that your actions brought on some of the problems in your life. Sometimes, part of the solution is to own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends. True apology involves an effort not to repeat the offense, not just saying you’re sorry.

Are you nursing a grudge from people who’ve hurt you? Feeling sorry for yourself is normal and thinking the world is against you. Soon, the bitterness consumes you, and you’re oblivious to any blessings and joys around you.

It’s a harmful misconception that forgiving somebody lets them off the hook. It neither downplays nor excuses the offense or the offender. In hindsight, you may find explanations for the wrongdoing, but not an excuse.

Forgiveness is a kind, positive action you do for yourself. It breaks the crippling bonds of resentment so that you can go on with your life. You can’t forget the hurt, but you can acknowledge it and leave it in the past.

You can offer forgiveness without the offender being present. Sometimes, you may need to forgive yourself for your past wrongs and shortcomings. Either way, do it with decisiveness and compassion.

Final Thoughts on Learning How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

As with all life’s greatest lessons, learning how to redirect self-pity requires time, patience, and self-compassion. It’s empowering when you discover how to learn and grow from painful experiences. The rain may fall on the just and the unjust, but self-compassion can be your umbrella.

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