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Women Reveal 5 Signs of a Bad Boyfriend

October 1, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Many common depictions of a bad boyfriend are pretty extreme. They feature prominent red flags that would set off alarm bells for virtually all self-respecting women. In reality, a bad boyfriend is not necessarily someone who is obviously and overtly malicious.

In most cases, guys will not display their negative traits in ways that would easily scare someone off. However, you’ll have to pay close attention to signs that your relationship dynamic could be toxic. Here are five signs of a bad boyfriend, so avoid these guys!

Editorial note: We also acknowledge that some women are bad girlfriends. Because male and female behaviors often differ, we address those bad girls in a separate article.

1 – A Bad Boyfriend Doesn’t Make Time For You

Everyday life can get busy, so you may not see your boyfriend as often as you’d like. But research shows that quality time is a crucial part of happy relationships and marriages with high satisfaction. So what makes the difference between a bad boyfriend and a busy one?

When we schedule our busy lives, we do what we can to pencil in the things we consider essential. You might, for example, make sure you always have a couple of hours free on weekend nights to spend with friends or family. Or you may ensure that you always spend 45 minutes every day at the gym and leave double that time free so you can shower, commute, and work with the inconveniences of that priority.

We can actively choose what we consider necessary enough to spend time on. A bad boyfriend will not consider women of the things on this list. You may see him very little or talk to him much less than you’d like to. As such, the following circumstances may apply to a bad boyfriend.

Lack of Responsiveness

He doesn’t reply to texts or return calls quickly. Of course, no one will constantly be glued to their phone, and your boyfriend will occasionally be too busy to get to his phone at work or in other circumstances. But he shouldn’t be taking days to reply to a text or refusing to call you, even when he has a lot of time to spare. If he’s decided that talking to you is at the bottom of his to-do list, he’s not making the necessary time for you.

Dodging You

It feels impossible to get him to spend time with you. When you ask him to hang out or come over, he doesn’t seem to have the time. No matter how much space you give him and how little you ask for, he may act like you’re requesting the impossible. When you express how you’d like to see him more, he reacts in highly negative ways, behaving almost as if you’re attempting to ruin his life and free time.

Inattentiveness

When he spends time with you, he’s not truly present. A bad boyfriend may keep up appearances by agreeing to go on dates, but he’ll not really be there. Instead, he’ll be on his phone, a poor conversationalist, and may always seem lost in thought. You might feel he doesn’t want to be there at all, or you might have trouble connecting with him. Either way, he’s only physically present, not mentally.

Making Excuses

There’s always an excuse. So when you talk about wanting to spend more time with him, he constantly has a reason to throw out. Yes, life can be busy, and sometimes balancing a schedule is brutal. But a good boyfriend will add you to his list of priorities and include you in his schedule.

2 – Women Need the Little Things (and He Does Not Provide Them)

Many people overemphasize the romanticism of grand, sweeping gestures. But, in reality, the opportunities for such gestures at appropriate times will not be frequent. That’s why the little things often matter most in healthy relationships. Experts at the Gottman Institute state that brief experiences of everyday love and small bids for a connection back and forth signify a relationship that can go the distance.

On their own, the so-called little things seem like they barely matter. But these small gestures add up over time, and they often serve as what keeps the romance going. A bad boyfriend will fail to perform little gestures and often dismiss your requests for them.

Examples of little things include:

Always making sure to give you a hug or kiss before he leaves or when he sees you
Asking about your day and genuinely wanting to know about it
Getting you something to eat when he’s getting something for himself
Asking if there’s anything you need or want him to buy when he’s out at the store
Keeping up daily routines or rituals of love and affection
Complimenting you and expressing appreciation for you
Being flirtatious with you now and then, especially after you’ve been dating for a long time

Think about it: little things often take minimal effort to perform but go a long way in expressing love. Why wouldn’t a partner want to make the extra effort to perform those gestures?

3 – A Bad Boyfriend Keeps a Lot of Secrets

Everyone has the right to their privacy, and that goes without saying. But there’s a big difference between wanting privacy and keeping unnecessary secrets. While it’s acceptable to have a few secrets that are purely personal to you and don’t affect a partner, a bad boyfriend will have far too many. Most of the time, these secrets will also be things that could change your opinion of him or affect you somehow.

A bad boyfriend’s secrets may not be immediately apparent. He may keep them by dodging your questions and acting strangely shady about seemingly ordinary things. For example, he may not want to tell you about his work or friends, or he may be hiding certain things from you that would be deal-breakers in your eyes. He may also keep secrets because he has no plans to stay committed to you in the long run and doesn’t want an attachment to develop between you. Either way, excessive secrecy is a red flag.

4 – A Bad Boyfriend Exerts Control Under The Guise Of Caring About the Woman

Many women may excuse a bad boyfriend’s controlling behavior if their boyfriend presents the behavior as caring or protective. After all, many people like feeling safe and protected, and it’s flattering to think that a partner cares deeply about you. In addition, research shows that men often need to be “heroes” to their partners. But be warned because there’s a limit to how far protectiveness can healthily go before it’s simply a means for toxic control.

It’s a common misconception that controlling behavior is only truly controlling if it involves violence, aggression, or extreme verbal abuse. However, a bad boyfriend who seeks to control you may not perform such obvious actions, as he’ll likely be aware that it could raise red flags quickly. So instead, he may attempt to control you under the guise of love in the following ways.

Chronic criticism

A bad boyfriend will often be harsh and find something wrong with almost everything you do. If you speak out against it, he will likely defend himself by saying that he’s just being truthful or honest or suggesting that you learn to accept criticism better. In reality, he’s using criticism to try and shape you into who he wants you to be.

Constant demands for disclosure

A bad boyfriend will often be overly sneaky or suspicious, snooping through your devices and spying on you due to personal paranoia. He may accuse you of constantly hiding things from him or demand constant and highly detailed disclosure about everything happening in your life. He may also comb over you to find perceived flaws, even when none exist.

Disrespecting boundaries

Some violations of boundaries will raise huge red flags, but others can be disguised as affection. For example, a bad boyfriend may constantly encroach on your alone time by citing how much he misses you or wants to be around you. He may guilt trip you for making time for anyone else. Before long, you’ll find yourself isolated from the world around you as he monopolizes your life.

Letting you earn his affection

Love should be given on a near-unconditional level to long-term committed partners. A bad boyfriend will make it very clear that his love is conditional and not in a reasonable way. He may say that he loves you more when you behave a certain way. He might refuse to give you love or affection until you behave as he wants you to. You may feel like a child being punished or taught a lesson by an overbearing parent or teacher.

5 – A Bad Boyfriend Dismisses Your Concerns

Dismissiveness is the final nail in the coffin when determining if someone is a bad boyfriend. All previous signs of toxic patterns are things that you can resolve if the man in question listens to your communication about them and is determined to improve himself and the relationship. If you and your boyfriend want to make something work, you can do it with open and direct communication and genuine effort.

But all of this becomes impossible for women with a dismissive partner. When you raise your worries and issues to him, he may:

Call you crazy or insist that you’re overreacting
Attempt to reframe events so that he looks like the victim – or at least like he’s innocent
Offer nothing but empty promises and then continue the negative behavioral patterns anyway
Focus solely on defending himself and therefore never listening to you
Guilt trip you by saying he never has problems with you

It is this type of dismissiveness that genuinely makes a lousy boyfriend. If your partner isn’t willing to hear you, what’s the relationship’s point?

Final Thoughts On Some Signs Of A Bad Boyfriend, According To Women

It’s easy to be forgiving of a bad boyfriend and to give him endless second chances. But women should not ignore the red flags! If you think that this kind of behavior is acceptable, it’s time to raise your standards. You deserve a boyfriend who treats you well – the bare minimum.

Psychologists Reveal the Best Hack to Fall Asleep Fast

October 1, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Millions of people struggle with insomnia in today’s world, but a technique called paradoxical intention might help. The method instructs patients to stay awake longer rather than fall asleep. It may sound counterintuitive, but it takes the pressure off falling asleep by telling people to do the opposite.

Many people with insomnia feel anxious at bedtime because of poor sleep performance. Instead of winding down before bed, they feel wide awake and restless. Their fight-or-flight response becomes activated due to heightened anxiety, making them dread nighttime.

However, psychologists have found that paradoxical intention tricks the brain into falling asleep. By not obsessing about nodding off and letting it happen naturally, insomnia begins to lose its grip. Below, we’ll delve more deeply into this technique to help you get better sleep.

Psychologist Explains How Paradoxical Intention Helps You Fall Asleep Fast

People with insomnia tend to have performance anxiety regarding falling asleep. Due to nights spent tossing and turning, they begin to fear the consequences of staying awake. Eventually, they start to feel apprehensive about nighttime altogether, and intrusive thoughts about sleep anxiety become more common.

However, sleep therapists say that paradoxical intention removes the trepidation about falling asleep. Patients can learn to accept natural physiological responses by confronting the fear of staying awake. For example, people without insomnia may have a few nights of poor sleep every so often. However, they don’t obsess over sleepless nights, accepting them as a part of life.

The premise behind paradoxical intention stems from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques. Psychologists and sleep therapists instruct patients to engage in their most feared behavior. Meeting the fear head-on removes its hold on them in the future.

Regarding insomnia, the behavioral technique involves accepting quiet wakefulness without judgment. In other words, no matter what happens at bedtime, you embrace it rather than fight it. Instead of trying to force sleep, you allow it to happen naturally. As you practice the technique more, you learn to surrender control and flow with your body’s rhythm.

Psychologists utilize paradoxical intention to treat various mental health conditions, such as OCD, anorexia, and phobias. In the 1990s, the idea of treating insomnia patients with paradoxical intentions became widespread. However, psychologists have used the sleep technique in behavioral programs since the 1970s.

In one recent study on the effectiveness of paradoxical intention, researchers found it significantly improved insomnia symptoms. In addition, they observed reductions in sleep-performance anxiety and enhanced perception of feeling rested. The team found that the sleep technique was helpful for those with sleep-onset insomnia.

How to Fall Asleep Fast With Paradoxical Intention

To practice this technique, create an ideal sleeping environment first. Even though you want to avoid expectations about sleep, you should still make your bedroom as relaxing as possible.

Turn off all the lights and distractions to make the environment conducive to sleep. Keep your smartphone in a different room or area you can’t reach. Also, the body requires a cool temperature for sleep, so set the thermostat to 60-68 degrees Fahrenheit. Cooler temperatures trigger the release of melatonin, the hormone that encourages sleep.

Finally, have a regular sleep routine, so your body knows when to wind down. Bedtime rituals don’t guarantee you will fall asleep at the same time each night, of course. It helps your mind and body become accustomed to a schedule and regulate sleep hormones more effectively.

Once you have completed these steps, you’re ready to begin the paradoxical intention exercise.

1 – Lie down and attempt to stay awake as long as possible.

Remember, you don’t want to focus on sleep since that increases anxiety. As you lie awake in bed, observe any tension in your body and mind. Avoid passing judgment if uncomfortable thoughts or emotions arise. Simply watch as ideas come into your mind, as you would during meditation.

This body scanning activity helps dissolve stress and distracts your mind from sleep anxiety. In this phase, you want to accept whatever happens without needing to change it. Eventually, you will become more comfortable with this quiet awareness when sleep evades you.

2 – Tell yourself not to close your eyes, no matter what.

While you practice observing without judgment, keep your eyes open and alert. Closing them will only promote sleep, which you want to avoid entirely. For now, set the intention of staying awake and continue with body relaxation techniques. Tell yourself, “I will stay up for ten more minutes.” Keep repeating this phrase until your eyes start to feel heavy.

3 – Affirm that you need to feel exceptionally sleepy for work tomorrow.

Another key to success with paradoxical intention involves thinking about the consequences of sleep deprivation. This strategy may sound counterintuitive, but it aims to reduce performance anxiety. After all, most people don’t have a fear of staying awake – they fear its adverse effects.

So, picture how you would feel going to work without sleeping tomorrow and try to accomplish this goal. As the night wears on, you will eventually become powerless to fight sleep any longer. Even though you want to show up for work sleep-deprived, your body and mind require sleep.

Taking the pressure off sleep by trying to achieve the opposite can significantly benefit those with insomnia.

Final Thoughts on The Best Hack to Fall Asleep Fast Using the Paradoxical Intention Technique

If you’ve tried to cure your insomnia to no avail, the paradoxical intention method could offer relief. The technique aims to help people fall asleep by instructing them to stay awake as long as possible. It sounds nonsensical, but many studies have shown that this method improves insomnia patients.

Some people with insomnia have difficulties with sleep onset or falling asleep initially. However, when they confront their fears about staying awake, it makes patients feel empowered. They realize that obsessing about sleep only increases their anxiety and discourages relaxation. Only when they relinquish control does their body and mind feel calm enough to induce sleep.

Hopefully, you will find success with paradoxical intention and enjoy a more restful sleep.

Physicists Explain How Block Universe Theory Reveals Time as an Illusion

October 1, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

The block universe theory states that time doesn’t exist how we generally perceive it. In reality, the past, present, and future co-occur, making time a clever illusion. According to the theory, this means your birth, death, and every moment in between exist somewhere in space-time.

The block universe theory says that the universe consists of a massive block containing every event and place. So, this would mean time doesn’t occur linearly but in a spiral.

In a block universe, time and place are relative concepts, as Einstein stated in his theory of relativity. According to that theory, time passes at varying rates for people or objects moving relative to each other. So, an event one person observes might happen at a different time for someone else.

If you’re confused, we will break things down a bit for you. Picture a three-dimensional rectangle with three spatial dimensions, length, width, and height. Now, imagine this rectangle as the Â universe, containing all events that will ever happen. Let’s add a fourth temporal dimension to the block – time.

Next, think of an event that happened in your life, such as your most recent birthday. This particular day in the cube represents its location in the space-time continuum. All other events also exist inside this block and are intricately linked.

Below, we will go over the block universe theory in greater detail.

Physicist Explains The Illusory Nature of Time With Block Universe Theory

Dr. Kristie Miller, the joint director for the Centre for Time at the University of Sydney, said that time doesn’t pass. When you talk about the present, you describe your location right now. And, this location frequently changes, making it seem as though the present changes also.

To us, it appears that time flows or passes linearly. In other words, today marks the present, yesterday was the past, and tomorrow represents the future.

However, according to the block universe theory, a specific present moment doesn’t exist, and the past and future are relative. So, someone moving relative to you might exist in your past, meaning you’re in their future. In the block universe, this means that the other person exists earlier than you, and you’re located later than them.

So, in this mode of thinking, any moment in the past represents events occurring earlier than your location. And future means any times or events that happen later than your location.

In an article published on ABC Science, Miller describes the theory in this manner:

“So, suppose Bert the dinosaur is located earlier than Sally the dog. That relation between Bert and Sally holds, regardless of whether we are located earlier than Bert or later than Sally.”

In summary, the block universe theory states that you exist relative to all other phenomena. In space-time, every event occurs simultaneously at later and earlier locations within the giant “block.”

Does This Make Time Travel Possible?

You would think so since time represents another dimension. Dr. Miller says we can hypothetically travel in time, but not with our current technology. For starters, we would have to build space crafts capable of reaching the speed of light. Traveling that fast would result in the time dilation phenomenon, where it slows down enough for us to arrive in the future.

We can also theoretically travel into the past by using wormholes as a shortcut through space-time. However, Miller said that we couldn’t change the past even if we had the technology to time travel. She explained that this would cause a contradiction in the present and future. Since the past, present and future are the same in the block universe theory, nothing we do can alter them.

Everything occurs relatively, meaning that the past to us represents someone else’s future. By traveling to the past, we change our location in space-time, not the events that occur.

Dr. Miller said: “I’ll act, in the past, in the sorts of ways I act in the present. But I won’t be changing the past. Just as when I eat cornflakes instead of toast tomorrow, I am not changing the future, I’m just making the future the way it is, when I travel to the past I don’t change it, I just make it the way it is, and always has been.”

A Recap of the Block Universe Theory

To clarify, traveling to the past would only set off a predestined chain of perpetual events in the block universe. And, what we do there wouldn’t affect the future since it’s co-occurring.

Miller explained further: “The events in the block are there for all time: they do not change. So, as a time traveler, it’s not as though I suddenly appear at a past time. It’s always been the case that I am located at that past time.

“Nothing a time traveler does changes anything in the block. Instead, what the traveler does at any time makes that time, and later times, the way they are,” she said.

However, remember that we haven’t yet proven this theory, which would only be possible by traveling through time. Another idea known as growing-blockism states that the block universe grows continuously, meaning the future doesn’t yet exist. Proponents of this theory believe that as time passes, more of the universe comes into being based on present actions.

Hopefully, we will one day travel through space-time to learn the mysteries of our universe.

Final Thoughts on the Block Universe Theory

The block universe theory says that the past, present, and future co-occur. Nothing we do can alter events in space-time because they already exist. For instance, if we could time travel, it wouldn’t change anything happening in that period. It would simply trigger phenomena predestined to occur at that particular point.

Dr. Miller doesn’t dismiss the idea that these travelers may already exist. She said that perhaps they shaped the past, present, and future. We will need a special machine to test the block universe theory, but maybe we have already created one in the future.

17 Uplifting Affirmations to Increase Self-Worth

September 30, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Everyone experiences situations where they question their self-worth. Feeling less than confident happens to all of us, but some can’t pull themselves out of the feeling.

A lack of self-worth can stick with someone for years, causing constant feelings of unworthiness and inferiority. However, using uplifting affirmations can help you boost your self-esteem, making you more confident in yourself.

As you regularly repeat these positive phrases, you’ll remember them until they become a part of who you are. The more you repeat the affirmations, the more likely your mind is to see the phrases as truth.

The Importance of Self-Worth

There are plenty of reasons you should improve your sense of self-worth. Without a sense of self-esteem or worth, you might struggle with the following:

confidence
working toward your goals and dreams
handling criticism
feeling like you deserve love
happiness and well-being

When you increase your sense of self-worth, those areas of your life improve, too. It’ll feel like everything begins to fall into place and life becomes easier to handle.

Making sure you love and value yourself can make all the difference because it’ll alleviate some of your negative thinking. Increasing your self-esteem can also help you feel more relaxed and accepting of yourself.

Improved self-worth can help you feel happier and more confident. You’ll also have a better time achieving your goals and living the life of your dreams.

Symptoms of Low Self-Worth

You might not realize you’re dealing with low self-worth unless you know the signs. The signs include:

seeing yourself as inferior to others
feeling unworthy of friendship or love
thinking you don’t deserve good things
constantly comparing yourself to other people
feeling like you’re the problem when things don’t go as planned
being overly sensitive
feeling insecure

You might think everyone experiences these issues, and they do at times. However, if these feelings affect you constantly, it also affects your quality of life. They can cause depression and make you feel alone and resentful.

It’s time to learn how to be confident again!

Seventeen Affirmations to Increase Self-Worth and Feel More Confident

Using affirmations can help you overcome negativity and increase your sense of self-worth. As you read through them, note the ones that resonate within you. Making a note reminds you of the ones you should start with as you begin your self-affirmation journey.

1 – I am getting closer to achieving my dreams and goals every day.

Even if you only made a little progress, it’s still a step in the right direction. Remember that you get closer every day will help you remember your worth.

2 – I accept my flaws because they make me the beautiful person I am.

Everyone has flaws, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over them. You are beautiful as you are right now, and your imperfections make you unique.

The world would be a boring place if no one had flaws. It’s what makes everyone unique. Embrace the things that set you apart and appreciate your beauty.

3 – I am embracing all I have to offer the world.

You have so much to offer, although you might forget sometimes. This affirmation will help you remember all you have to give, helping you appreciate yourself much more. It’ll also boost your confidence, allowing others to see your strengths.

4 – I am worthy of acceptance and compassion.

Improving your self-worth requires understanding that you deserve acceptance and compassion. No one has a right to mistreat you, no matter what happens in life. Remember your worth, especially if you encounter someone who makes you feel unworthy.

5 – I am perfect and complete as I am right now.

You are perfect, and this is an affirmation you should never forget. You don’t need anyone else to complete you because you are whole on your own. Love yourself and remember how great you are.

6 – I can succeed at anything I decide to do.

With a positive mindset, you can make anything happen. Other people might tell you that you can’t achieve your goals, and you might convince yourself that it’s true. However, if you remember that you can make anything happen, you’ll see that you progress toward your dreams.

7 – I am letting go of other people’s opinions about my life.

Other people will always feel the need to give you unwarranted opinions. Learn to let go of those opinions because yours is the only one that matters.

When you let go of the negativity, you’ll find yourself living the life you want. Living for yourself is the only way to achieve happiness and find fulfillment.

8 – I deserve to live the life of my dreams on my terms.

This life is yours to live, meaning you deserve to do what you want. Go after your dreams and do it how you feel is best.

No one else should tell you how to live because they are the ones living in your shoes. Others will try to give their input, but always put yourself first.

Everyone finds success differently, and you deserve to have that chance. It’ll make you feel better about yourself while increasing your sense of self-worth.

9 – I love my life and all the blessings I’ve received.

You might not have achieved everything you want to, but you can still love your life. The journey is essential, too, so don’t only focus on what you haven’t done yet.

Embrace your life and love all the fulfilling parts of it. Think of your favorite things, people, and places, and remember that they are all blessings that bring meaning to your life.

10 – I am confident and comfortable with who I am.

With confidence, anything is possible. This uplifting affirmation will remind you of your worth and help you stay comfortable in your skin. Embrace your decisions and who you are because you’re doing what’s best for you.

11 – I am not comparing myself to others because I love who I am.

If you find yourself constantly comparing, this affirmation is for you. You are amazing how you are right now. Be confident–and know that you don’t need to compare yourself.

Everyone is different, and we’re all at various places in our lives. You’re doing great and don’t have to be like anyone else.

12 – I am good enough to find joy and happiness.

A lack of self-worth can make you feel like you aren’t good enough to find happiness. Use this affirmation if you ever feel that way. It’ll remind you that you deserve joy and happiness.

13 – I believe in myself no matter what occurs.

Things don’t always go as planned, and it’s not an indication that you did anything wrong or can’t achieve your dreams. Keep believing in yourself and find other ways to make your goals happen.

If you keep pushing through and remind yourself that you can do anything, you’ll feel okay when your first plan fails. Every failed opportunity is a learning moment, helping you do better next time.

14 – I am always worthy of love and respect.

There is never a moment when you’re unworthy of love and respect. Don’t accept anything less from those around you, or it’ll continue to diminish your sense of self-worth. Love and respect yourself while you search for people who will treat you the way you deserve.

15 – I am open to happiness and good things in my life.

Wanting happiness and being open to it are entirely different. You might want to be happy but resist every opportunity to find joy. Keep an open mind and be willing to accept new experiences that could improve your life.

16 – I appreciate who I am today even as I strive to become better.

You can love yourself today even if you want to become a better person. We’re all growing and developing, but it doesn’t lessen who we are right now.

Don’t tell yourself you’ll feel better when you achieve a goal. Instead, tell yourself that you appreciate yourself and your life as it is now. This affirmation will help you remember to embrace the small things in life as you work toward your overall dreams.

17 – I am thinking of my strengths and positive qualities.

Use this affirmation if you often think negatively about yourself. Your self-worth will continue decreasing if your first thoughts are about what you lack or your negative qualities. This affirmation can help you push away those negative thoughts. Then, you can think of all the good things about who you are.

How to Increase Your Self-Worth with Uplifting Affirmations

Once you know how to use affirmations, it can be a relatively simple concept. These tips can help you on your journey to increase your self-worth.

Choose the ones that you like the most.
Write your affirmations in a place you’ll see often.
Say them aloud a couple of times each day.
Visualize yourself having what you affirm.
Keep an affirmation journal.

Final Thoughts on Uplifting Affirmations to Increase Self-Worth

Affirmations can change your life as they help you increase your sense of self-worth and be confident again. They’ll help you shift your mind to feel good about yourself. It’s easier to push away negative self-talk when you fill your mind with positive affirmations. It’s a simple concept that can make all the difference in your life.

Counselors Reveal 11 Ways to Regain Trust in a Relationship

September 30, 2022 by Chris Butler

It can be hard to regain trust after it’s lost. Healthy relationships require honesty, and if you want it to work out, you must find a way to rebuild the foundation.

You can regain trust if you and your partner are both willing to put in the effort to make it work. Some circumstances make regaining trust harder, while others are easy to overcome. The time and effort it takes to restore confidence vary based on each experience.

Some of the situations that require you to rebuild trust include:

infidelity
breaking promises
going back on your work
not being there when your partner needed you
withholding or hiding information
lying
manipulation
not being open about your feelings
Withholding love, affection, or intimacy
Not taking responsibility
Addictive behaviors
Unfair criticism or talking badly behind your partner’s back

Breaking your partner’s trust disrupts feelings of safety, confidence, and support within the relationship. You can regain trust in a relationship if your partner is willing to forgive you and discuss how to proceed positively.

What is Trust?

Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it occurs when your partner understands that you deserve it. You can’t force someone to trust you, and it can be hard to regain if you betray them.

The meaning of trust can vary depending on the person, but it typically involves:

feeling committed to the relationship
listening to one another
openly communicating needs and feelings
not feeling the need to hide things
feeling safe and respected (both physically and emotionally)
vulnerability from both partners
support

On the other hand, explaining trust requires explaining what it doesn’t involve. Trust does not require:

saying everything that comes to mind
giving access to financial accounts
going through personal electronic devices
monitoring social media activity
constantly checking in on your partner

Eleven Ways to Regain Trust in a Relationship

You can regain trust and heal together if committed to moving forward. It requires mutual understanding, total honesty, and recommitment. However, these eleven tips can help you along your journey.

1 – Apologize Sincerely When You Try to Regain Trust

If you betrayed your partner, you must sincerely apologize to regain trust. Admit that you made a mistake and let them know you regret it.

Own up to your behavior and accept responsibility for hurting your partner. Breaking their trust shouldn’t be taken lightly. Reflect on what you did and admit that you were wrong.

Don’t justify your behavior or make excuses as you apologize. If there’s a reason for the betrayal, you can discuss it later, but don’t do it when you apologize. Avoid dismissing, deflecting, or minimizing your partner’s feelings, as it won’t help if you want them to accept the apology.

2 – Have a Plan to Regain Trust

Apologizing doesn’t always come easy because it requires vulnerability. It can make you feel anxious or fearful, and you might forget what you have to say. Having an apology plan can help you be intentional moving forward.

Reflect on the situation and consider what you want to say in advance. It might help to write it down and rehearse it before getting in front of your partner. Don’t practice saying what your partner wants to hear; your words must be sincere.

3 – Be Specific, Even When It’s Hard

Regaining trust requires showing that you know what you did was unacceptable. Be specific about what you did and how you plan to fix it. It requires honesty about the betrayal, too.

Telling the honest story won’t be easy for either of you, but it’ll help them understand. Address the facts, and then let your partner ask questions. A willingness to answer their questions shows you want to regain trust and move forward together.

4 – Go to Therapy or Couples Counseling

Regaining trust is harder if the situation involves an affair or similar behavior. If this is the case, couples counseling might be the best option. A professional therapist can help you and your partner work through the honesty issues and rebuild a solid foundation of trust.

Therapy can help you find a way to repair the disconnect within your relationship. A therapist will help you find better ways to resolve conflict, teaching you to make informed decisions about your relationship.

5 – Consider the Reasoning

When someone breaks your trust, you might not want to think about why they did it. However, once you can shift your focus, considering the reasoning can help. It doesn’t mean what your partner did was right, but it can help you think about how you would have reacted if you reversed roles.

Your partner might lie when they don’t know what else to do. Sometimes they lie to protect themselves; others lie to protect you from bad news or help someone else. Betraying your trust could also stem from a misunderstanding.

While it’s important to reaffirm that their behavior wasn’t acceptable, you can try to understand the reasoning. Thinking this way helps you decide if you want to rebuild trust and continue the relationship.

You might find no logical reason behind what they did, and that’s okay. Again, it can help you decide what to do moving forward. Go with your gut and do what’s best for you.

6 – Communicate Openly and With Full Honesty

Even when it’s uncomfortable, communicate with your partner. It’s one of the best ways to regain trust and rebuild confidence in your relationship. Communication is essential whether you’re the one who was betrayed or committed the betrayal.

You’ll want to talk honestly about:

your feelings regarding the situation
how it hurt you
the reasoning for the betrayal
what you need from one another
how to start trusting again

Give each other a fair chance to talk without interrupting them. Watch for signs of sincerity and regret in an apology or explanation if you work toward forgiveness. If they seem defensive and deflect responsibility, they might not be sincere.

Once you’ve had the initial conversation, don’t stop communicating. Talk about your feelings every day, even those unrelated to the betrayal. It can help with developing a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

7 – Forgive

If your partner betrayed you, forgiveness is necessary if you want to move on and rebuild trust. You’ll have to practice forgiveness toward your partner for the betrayal and forgive yourself. It’s easy to blame yourself for what happened, but it can cause self-doubt, interfering with the recovery of your relationship.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what your partner did was okay. Instead, it means that you’re willing to accept what happened and let it go. It empowers you and allows your partner to grow and learn from their mistake.

Forgiving your partner means not dwelling on the past. It also involves not bringing it up in future arguments or treating them differently. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, which is why you should keep practicing.

8 – Commit to Repairing the Relationship

Both of you must be committed to regaining trust in your relationship. It involves healing and overcoming issues, and honesty is a long-term commitment. You can make it happen, but you must commit to the process.

9 – Accept Your Partner’s Attempts to Regain Trust

When your partner issues a sincere apology and you decide to repair the relationship, you should accept their attempts. They might do something nice for you or go out of their way to make it up to you, and it’s helpful to allow them to do so. It promotes healing and building new happy memories as you move forward.

Accepting their attempts also helps you feel better about giving the relationship another chance. You’ll see that your partner is trying their best, showing their commitment to regaining trust.

10 – Don’t Rush Your Partner

Give your partner time if you betrayed them. They might not be willing to talk about it, meaning your apology will have to wait. It might take them some time to accept what happened and decide if they want to rebuild the relationship.

Everyone processes betrayal differently, so go with what your partner needs. If they need space and time, make sure you give it to them so they can make a beneficial decision.

Respecting what they need shows them that you accept their boundaries. It can help them see that you’re willing to do what they need so they can depend on you again.

11 – Show Them That You Meant What You Said (Honesty Will Go Far Towards Mending the Rift)

After apologizing and telling your partner what you will do differently in the future, back up your words with actions. Your follow-through can make all the difference in building a stable relationship. Show your partner that you’re dependable and trustworthy so they can heal from the betrayal.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Regain Trust in a Relationship

You can regain trust in a relationship after a betrayal, but honesty takes commitment. Considering whether you and your partner are both willing to put in the effort is essential.

If you decide to move forward together, remember that the process can take time. You can become a strong couple if you both focus on trusting one another. Focus on putting in the time and effort to rebuild a solid foundation in your relationship.

Counselors Explain 3 Ways to Heal Narcissistic Abuse

September 30, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Narcissistic abuse is probably one of the hardest things to overcome. It can create deep scars. In fact, your healing process may last months or even years. But, as with most things, there is always hope of you getting better when you leave a narcissist. Every healing process starts with you deciding to get better. The rest will fall into place if you have that intention. If you’re still confused about what steps you can take, here are three things you can do to heal from narcissistic abuse.

What Is Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissism is a term that’s often thrown around as an insult. But not everyone understands that it’s a psychological term to describe a particular set of behaviors. Narcissists aren’t just a little mean and selfish. They are incredibly self-involved people with little to no regard for others’ feelings. They ignore the needs and wants of the ones around them because they see themselves as better than most.

Their time is much too valuable to spend helping and respecting others, or so they believe. As a result, one can display narcissistic behaviors without being a full-fledged narcissist. Being a narcissist is a psychological condition. You need to consult with a specialist before receiving this diagnosis. But everyone can act in selfish ways from time to time.

Narcissistic behavior can occur if we are overly selfish when sharing something we like. If this behavior is isolated, there’s no need to worry. In psychological terms, a narcissist is someone who shows a frequent disregard for others’ feelings. Narcissists lack empathy, don’t understand how their behavior can affect others, and don’t care. They are self-centered and have an inflated sense of self, which makes them feel entitled. They often come across as arrogant, confident, and entirely in control. That doesn’t mean they don’t have insecurities.

Many people become narcissists to mask all these insecurities and appear perfect. They are desperate to seem perfect and have a deep need for attention. Don’t be shocked if these people try to manipulate and gaslight you. Instead, they would create a complex web of lies and be accountable for their actions. And they like to control the narrative. That’s why they manipulate.

The NPD Spectrum

Narcissism is a spectrum. That’s why some people who only display rare narcissistic behaviors are not necessarily narcissists. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are at the high end of this spectrum. The people on the lower end are still narcissists but don’t suffer from this mental health disorder. All narcissists exhibit similar character traits, but they differ in gravity. The further up you are on the spectrum, the worse you become. People with NPD feel little to no empathy.

They aren’t ashamed to step on others to get ahead, even if they must tear their loved ones down. The abuse they engage in is narcissistic abuse. The ones on the lower end aren’t as extreme. Often, they aren’t the ones engaging in narcissistic abuse. Narcissism isn’t an overt behavior in that they often don’t show their true self. Most of the time, they are ashamed of their true self and spend most of their time constructing a façade. In most cases, it’s impossible to tell they are a narcissist when you first meet them.

Overt Narcissism Versus Covert Narcissism

Just because they don’t feel empathy doesn’t mean they must show it. Narcissists are great liars and can easily fool people into believing their lies. In-depth studies on this behavior have determined two types of narcissism: covert and overt. Overt narcissism is something you can easily spot. Overt narcissists don’t hide who they are and aren’t ashamed to show just how mean and manipulative they are. Covert narcissism is one harder to spot.

The covert narcissist is introverted and reserved. Maybe this definition doesn’t make sense to you, as narcissists are supposed to be arrogant and confident. As mentioned, insecurities often determine narcissism, and this NYU study supports this. These people need to be loved by others. If they can’t get attention by showing off and being arrogant, they’ll do it through other means.

Because of that, they aren’t afraid to be vulnerable as long as you give them attention. As you can probably tell by now, it’s tough to spot narcissists, especially the covert ones. They seem so charming that many people have difficulty not liking them. Even worse it’s that it’s so easy to fall for them and become romantically involved. Unfortunately, most people will be with narcissists at some point. Some will even believe that person is the love of their life.

But narcissists are only lovely until they see you on their hook. They start being their true selves when they know you’re not going anywhere. They become cold, arrogant, and abusive. Their damage is unparalleled, and it can seem like you might never heal. But don’t lose hope because there are many ways to get back on your feet.

3 Ways to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Do the above descriptions sound eerily familiar? If you need to recover from narcissistic abuse, here are some behaviors to help.

1 – Acknowledge the Narcissistic Abuse

The first step you need to take after getting out of any abusive situation is acknowledging what you’ve been through. In cases of narcissistic abuse, that can be harder, as the abuse is purely emotional. People find it easier to accept the abuse after physical mistreatment. But, people want to brush it off whenever the damage occurs psychologically.

That’s partly because there’s still a lot of stigma and victim-blaming associated with abuse. Society seems to think that if there aren’t any scars, the abuse didn’t happen. They believe that the people who receive this abuse are liars or someone trying to destroy the abuser’s life. Don’t be scared of facing this backlash. The only one who needs to believe you is yourself.

When you try to brush over what happened to you, you bury what you’ve been through deep down. You don’t deal with the scars left. You hide and hope that the pain goes away. But the only thing you manage to do is invalidate your feelings, thus negating your healing process.

To heal from narcissistic abuse, acknowledge what you’ve been through. Validate your pain and allow yourself time to process. When you accept that the abuse happened, you’ll stop blaming yourself. Thus, you’ll take the first steps towards healing.

2 – Distance Yourself from Your Abuser

One of the trickiest things about being with a narcissist is that the relationship can become intoxicating. These people have a knack for making you feel special, even though they don’t truly care about you. They’ll only act friendly when you’re falling out of love or getting distant. That way, they always keep you by their side. You can accurately describe this relationship as obsessive. Sure, there’s passion, but in the worst way possible.

If you are stuck in such a relationship, you can’t expect to get out unless you cut all ties with your ex. Otherwise, you’ll have to endure their narcissistic abuse forever. These people are not above coming to your house and hovering around until you talk to them. They’ll spam you with calls and texts that threaten or sweet-talk you. They can continue their abuse even after you have broken up. Please don’t make it easy for them to contact you.

Block them on all platforms, and even consider staying with a friend for a while. At first glance, these measures might seem extreme. But if you don’t cut all ties with them, you risk taking them back. Allow yourself a few months to get over them before even considering being in the same friend group.

3 – Practice Self-Care After Narcissistic Abuse

As mentioned, narcissistic abuse leaves many scars, even if you can’t see them. This abuse chips your core and makes you feel you aren’t enough. Your self-esteem is one of the first things narcissists aim to destroy in you. They also want to isolate you from your friends and stop you from engaging in activities you like.

They want to make you as dependent on them as possible. Self-care is a priority when you finally get rid of such a person and begin healing. Self-care doesn’t just mean taking bubble baths, though that’s fun and relaxing. It also means working on yourself through meditation and practicing gratitude. It means doing the things you love, whatever those might be.

For example, working at your craft will help you heal if you like to crochet. It’s also important to reconnect with the people you’ve lost during the narcissistic abuse. Reach out to friends and family and confide in them. You must own up to the mistake of distancing yourself from them. But that’s just part of the process. The sooner you do that, the sooner those people can help you heal.

Final Thoughts on Some Ways to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is not easy to heal from. Unfortunately, way too many people experience it throughout their lives. If that ever happens to you, you must know how to handle it. Going through that abuse and surviving is one thing. But healing from it is a different monster you need to tackle. Still, you can do a few things to ensure the process goes smoothly.

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge that a narcissist abused you. Otherwise, you’ll be in denial until the feelings get too much to handle. Allow yourself to be hurt and accept that what happened to you was abuse. Next, you must make sure you limit all contact with your abuser. Don’t text or call them. Even better, block them and make sure you don’t hang out in places where they might be.

This distance allows you to see just how badly someone treated you. If you don’t limit contact, you risk getting back together again. Lastly, it would help if you practiced self-care. Do things that make you happy and pamper yourself. Take up on hobbies you love and reach out to old friends. After a while, your wounds will start healing, and you’ll return to your old self.

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