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15 Signs of Parental Burnout Never to Ignore

August 21, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Children are a blessing from above, but these little angels can cause their parents to experience a state of parental burnout at an alarming rate. Babies come into this world needing everything from you, and things change when they get past the toddler years. Sure, they can dress themselves and get a juice box from the refrigerator, but their needs only become more significant as your child ages.

If you were one of the parents who said things would get easier when they were 18, you probably now know how unrealistic that statement is. As children get bigger, so do their problems. Parental burnout isn’t uncommon and can cause serious mental health repercussions.

According to the American Psychological Association, at least five million parents seek help for burnout. It might manifest as depression, anxiety, or even irrational thoughts of hurting the child or yourself to cope with the pain. Sadly, it’s nothing that can be fixed overnight.

Nine Primary Causes of Parental Burnout

Getting to a place called wit’s end is not uncommon, but what causes people to get to this desperate point? Here are a few things the World Health Organization discovered cause this feeling.

Lack of clear boundaries
Trying to please people
Not communicating properly
Having unrealistic expectations
Demanding and conflicting schedules
Role assumption
Limited resources
No support
Lack of trust in others

Fifteen Signs You’re Experiencing Parental Burnout

How do you know if you’re experiencing burnout? Here are some of the signs that the stress of parenting is exhausting you mentally and physically.

1. Bedtime Procrastination

You put off going to bed because the nighttime is when everything seems worse. It’s too quiet, and you can’t shut your mind down. You replay all the day’s events in a loop you can’t turn off.

Anxiety and depression are often worse in the night hours, and it’s why so many people struggle with their sleep.

2. Burnout Causes Memory Problems

You once had a memory like an elephant, as you never forgot a thing. Now, it seems you overlook the smallest of matters. You feel like you’re losing it and don’t know how to fix things. Your memory issues may cause you to forget a child from school or to pay an overdue bill.

3. Sleep Disturbances

Sleep disturbances affect many people in different ways. You may sleep too much, or you may not get nearly enough rest. It can also fluctuate back and forth depending on what’s going on. One of the signs that depression is setting in from your burnout is your sleep is altered.

4. Isolating Yourself from Others

When you’re experiencing emotional pain, and it’s affecting every facet of your being, you don’t feel like being social. You may take solace in your bedroom and even try to avoid your children as much as possible. Going to work, or getting groceries for your home, may seem like overwhelming tasks that are impossible.

5. Shame and Guilt for Parenting Styles

It’s only natural for you to blame yourself for how your children behave. Parents who manage special needs children tend to have a higher burnout rate than others. You may feel guilt for your child’s differences, and when you’re blaming yourself, it only makes matters worse.

According to a study by Frontiers in Psychology, parents on lockdown with special needs children were seventeen percent more likely to experience parenting-related exhaustion. Things going on in the world were challenging enough, but adding a special needs kid to the mix makes things even more difficult.

You may blame yourself for your child’s condition, especially if it’s genetic. However, you must know that you can’t be responsible for such a thing. What if your child isn’t special needs but has behavioral issues? You can also blame yourself for lacking effective discipline.

6. Burnout Can Lead to Disconnecting from Children

Since the children are causing you to feel emotionally unstable, you may disconnect from them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or care, but you want to be anywhere they’re not. It’s a coping mechanism that many people use to detach themselves from the situation.

7. Decline in Mental Health

A decline in mental health can be sudden or gradual. You may begin having panic attacks, have increased anxiety, or depression may overwhelm you. Any mental capacity alteration due to stress is a red flag.

8. Overwhelming Anxiety

According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, there are five different types of anxiety. While you may have struggled with generalized anxiety before, now that you’re feeling burnout, you may find yourself struggling with OCD.

Some people stop driving because they fear being closed in a car and what can happen is overwhelming. Anxiety can signify inward turmoil, and any five disorders can accompany your emotional exhaustion.

9. Frustration Comes From Parental Burnout

Do you jump to conclusions? Are you yelling at your children or perhaps even calling them names? While it’s wrong to resort to such tactics, it’s not uncommon. Parents at their wit’s end and feeling burnout will often feel frustrated.

It’s effortless to take your frustration out on those who seem to be the source of the tension. Even the slightest infraction can make you go off the deep end.

10. Physical Exhaustion

When the mind is tired, the body seems to follow suit. You can sleep for ten hours and awaken feeling unrefreshed. You have aches and pangs with no reasonable explanation, even though your physician has run every test possible.

11. Parenting Leaves Little Time for Self-Care

You must have time to take care of yourself. If you don’t attend to your needs, you’ll find that you’ll wear down quickly. You need time to separate yourself from your partner and children to refresh your mind and relax. One of the hallmark signs of someone who doesn’t get proper self-care is they experience a mental breakdown.

12. Depression

What once were feelings of hopelessness have now become full depression. According to a National Library of Medicine study, around 7.5 million adults suffer from parental depression. The study also found that this puts over 15 million children at risk, as their parents can’t care for them like they should in this state.

13. Violent Urges (Don’t Ignore These Parenting Red Flags)

It’s the dark side of parenting fatigue that no one wants to talk about, but your frustration can grow to the point where you have violent urges. Violent thoughts can be part of anxiety, and these people rarely act on these irrational thoughts. However, with depression and anxiety comes an increased risk for psychosis.

While names like Andrea Yates or Susan Smith dominate the news on mothers who had psychological meltdowns and harmed their children, it happens more often than is reported. According to CNN, around 500 children each year lose their life at the hands of one of their parents.

You want to think that your frustration and feelings of being burned out won’t ever resort to this level of drama. However, if you have any thoughts of anything violent, you need to separate yourself from the children and seek immediate help.

14. Overwhelmed & Exhausted for Weeks

One of the signs that you’re at your mental limit is that you’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed for weeks, and it doesn’t seem to go away. When you don’t feel like you anymore, it’s time to ask for assistance to help you get to a good place.

15. Neglecting Your Child’s Physical, Educational, & Emotional Needs

You may feel like you can no longer care for your child when you’re breaking mentally. You may feel like cooking mac-n-cheese takes significant effort, and providing for their emotional needs seems impossible when you can’t provide for your own.

Six Ways to Seek Help When Parenting Feels Overwhelming

If you feel that you’re at the point of breaking because you’re burned out with life and raising kids, you must seek help. Here are some things you can do.

Ask your spouse to step up and help more during this time.
Seek support from family members, including those who can allow you to have breaks.
Ask friends to help and watch the kids, allowing you to rest.
Talk to a therapist and find effective coping mechanisms to manage your stress.
Hire someone to help with chores and childcare if the children are younger.
Embrace self-care.

Final Thoughts on Identifying and Coping With Parental Burnout

You should never feel embarrassed because you’re having a hard time and frustrated raising your kids. There’s lots of pressure and stress in the world that can be overwhelming. Even the best folks need a robust support system to help them out when times get tough, and it’s not a bad idea to hire someone if you’re load is too heavy.

The best parental figures aren’t the ones who buy their children everything their heart desires. However, they’re the ones who know when they’ve reached their limit, and they put their kid’s overall well-being first, and they get the help they need.

15 Signs of a Romantic Manipulator Never to Ignore

August 21, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Have you ever encountered a romantic manipulator? Perhaps you’re in a relationship with this type of person right now. This individual, no doubt, is a master, so they’ve learned how to be so subtle with their methods that you might not even realize what’s going on.

Everyone has manipulative ways they use when they feel threatened or to protect themselves. However, the romantic manipulator is different; they seek to gain something from you. And so they will use and abuse you to accomplish this task.

There’s an imbalance of power between you two, as they see themselves as superior in the relationship. They want to make you feel utterly powerless, so you have no option but to turn to them for your every need.

Fifteen Red Flags of a Romantic Manipulator

When you’re in a toxic relationship with constant manipulation, it can cause significant distress. Being on the receiving end of such mistreatment can affect your mental health. This selfish manipulator alters your thoughts and feelings by using tricks to coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do.

This person seeks to control you, and they have an unfair advantage, using mind games and other methods to gain power. Here are fifteen warning signs that you’re involved with an emotional manipulator.

1. The Romantic Manipulator Always Plays the Victim

Being in love and a romance can play with your emotions a bit. However, you’ve noticed that this person tends to be higher strung than most. They always seem to play the victim card in any situation, and this toxic trait is pretty evident from the start.

They think the whole world is against them, and they do nothing wrong. This is a substantial red flag that their recollection of events isn’t accurate. They won’t stop until they destroy your self-esteem and take you to rock bottom.

2. They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You

This is not the kind of person you can be vulnerable with, as they will use your vulnerabilities against you. Emotional manipulation preys on getting to know intimate things about you and using these things to their advantage. You probably kick yourself after you tell them anything, as you never learn.

3. The Romantic Manipulator Makes You Think You Can’t Live Without Them

The emotionally manipulated person will do many things for you, but they will use them against you. For instance, they might take you to a tropical island, but they will never let you forget how much it cost and that they paid for it.

They might love to cook and volunteer to cook dinner for a week. Sadly, later they will complain that you haven’t lifted a finger to help with the meals or the expense. Everything they do for you goes onto a mental scorecard they will use against you later.

4. You’re Criticized Constantly

It doesn’t matter what you do for them, as it’s never enough. How can this be what romance is supposed to be like, when your emotions are always a wreck? You walk on eggshells around this person because nothing is ever good enough.

You feel like the ugly duckling in the relationship, as they appear superior. This manipulator plays you like a fiddle, and you fall into the trap.

5. There Are Constant Disagreements

When it comes to romance, your emotions are all over the place. However, in this situation, you seem to be more emotional than before. You always feel like you disagree with them, as they don’t truly understand you.

These arguments are orchestrated to gain control, and you’re being manipulated. You feel like you say and do the wrong thing continuously, but you must realize that the problem isn’t you.

6. Pathological Lying is Common for a Romantic Manipulator

Every word from the manipulator’s mouth should be evaluated, as they have a regular habit of lying. They uproot your emotions because you can’t believe a word they say. You’re probably frequently mad at them since they can’t be truthful, which can hurt your romance.

7. They Have a Pessimistic Perspective

A manipulator is a negative person, as they dominate through pessimism. Even in the best situations, they tend to find the bad. For example, they get a job promotion that will give them more money but aren’t happy about it.

They can’t stop focusing on the part where they only got it because their first choice didn’t want the position. They can’t be happy no matter the situation.

8. Dates Are Always at Their House

They want you to come to their house rather than them coming to yours. They feel safe doing their dirty work in their abode, so they have a “home court” advantage. If they don’t want to come to your house for a visit, it’s a big red flag. Since you feel on edge in a new environment, it gives them a leg up in the situation.

9. There’s Gaslighting

According to the National Library of Medicine, gaslight syndrome involves a manipulator with sadomasochistic tendencies. The goal here is to twist and confuse things until you question your sanity. Some people go as far as trying to have their partner committed for mental instability.

10. A Romantic Manipulator Uses Passive-Aggressive Behaviors

You look to this person for romance and safety, but they always have some indirect aggression. They carry a chip on their shoulder of something you’ve done in the past. Though they say they’re over it, they keep making snide comments that prove otherwise.

It’s typical for this person to mask their compliments as insults so that they can keep you confused. They might say, “I think it’s so cute how you’re so immature and childish.” While they’re telling you you’re cute, they’re also saying you’re childish in the same breath.

According to the National Library of Medicine, a passive-aggressive personality disorder is expected but not officially recognized by the American Psychological Association. This person struggles with the internal belief that life isn’t fair and has trouble expressing anger. They dislike confrontation involving their feelings, so they use passive behaviors to get their point across.

11. They Speak for You

The narcissist wants to control every part of you. They want to dominate your emotions and make you putty in their hands. They won’t let you order for yourself at a restaurant, nor will they allow you to make simple decisions about your life. They control every aspect of you to make you feel inferior to them.

12. Mocking and Belittling You Are Commonplace

They can destroy your emotions by constantly putting you down. You won’t feel romance or much love towards someone who mocks your every word. They aim to make you feel less than others, as they can easily manipulate you when they destroy your esteem.

13. They Put You in Uncomfortable Situations

Romantic manipulators love to put their significant other in uncomfortable situations, especially in public. They love to create drama wherever they go, so they yell at you, call you names, and shame you where others can hear.

Don’t think they will stand up for you behind your back, as they will quickly cut you down to your friends and family members. This is the kind of person that has no qualms about showing up at your place of employment and causing a scene, either.

14. The Romantic Manipulator Makes You Feel Like You Live in a Fishbowl

You feel like your every move is monitored. You have no privacy, and they make all the decisions for you. They may talk you into things you don’t want to do, like cosmetic surgeries and other risky ventures.

15. Blackmail is Always Involved

When you’re involved with a romantic manipulator, you will hear statements like, “You better do this, or else….” These selfish people will use blackmail as a weapon to control you. They will threaten to expose your most intimate parts to gain the upper hand. They use these tactics to get you back in line with their wishes.

Final Thoughts on the Romantic Manipulator

Being involved with a romantic manipulator is not an easy thing to do. What started as a blissful relationship has turned towards the dark side. They strive to keep your emotions in an uproar to control you and the situations around you.

When you’re with someone who uses and abuses you, you may feel like your life is in a fishbowl. This is a toxic situation, and you owe it to yourself to get out of it. There’s someone better out there for you, but the real problem is now you have emotional baggage that you must unpack before you can have a healthy relationship.

15 Questions to Ask Yourself to Promote Self-Growth

August 21, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

You ask questions to get to know other people, and you can do the same to understand yourself. Asking yourself questions can promote self-growth as you identify things about yourself and your life that you wouldn’t otherwise. As a result, you will invite positivity and success into your realm.

Asking yourself questions allows for self-discovery and self-knowledge. You’ll understand yourself better and know what to do in the future. As you ask the questions, think deeply about your answers.

You can write your answers down to look back on them later–use your journal. Or you can ponder the questions and answers, thinking about them throughout your day. It helps you get reacquainted with your authentic self.

Self-reflection promotes self-growth because you can get to the root of what holds you back. It also helps you see the journey you want to take, encouraging you to keep working on your dreams. Ask yourself these questions to become the person you want to be.

The Importance of Self-Growth

Personal growth can help you handle difficult situations better. It improves your ability to handle bad situations, conflict, and unexpected experiences.

Self-growth also helps you create beneficial habits, including self-discipline. It improves your mental and physical health as you reflect on what changes you need to make.

Another benefit of self-growth is that it promotes productivity. You’ll be motivated to work hard and more efficiently when you work to improve who you are. It can also lead to less stress as you learn to react better to situations you can’t control.

Self-improvement can improve your relationships, as well. You’ll become a better version of yourself, promoting positivity while socializing. It’ll also help you recognize toxic relationships so you can walk away before it negatively affects you.

What to Ask Yourself to Promote Self-Growth

If you want to foster self-growth, ask yourself these fifteen questions and answer them truthfully.

1 – What do I want in life?

One of the most important things to ask yourself is what you want in your life. You can’t grow with intention or begin your journey when you don’t know what you want. It’ll cause you to keep looking for the next best thing, but you might feel lost without direction.

Making decisions is also harder without knowing what you want in life. You won’t know which choice to make because you’re unsure of the path you should be on. It could cause you to move further from what you truly want in life.

2 – Am I too comfortable in my situation?

Being comfortable can be a good thing but can also cause a problem. While it might keep you happy for a while, it becomes a trap that you can’t seem to escape. If you’re too comfortable, it shows that you aren’t stepping out of your comfort zone or experiencing self-growth.

Consider whether you’re taking on enough life challenges. You must take on new challenges and experiences if you want to develop as a person. When you aren’t sure which challenge to start with, you can begin by researching a topic related to your goals.

You can go deeper with this question by asking yourself how many challenges you took on this week. The challenges can be big or small, but it’s time to get started if the answer is zero.

3 – Is what I’m doing today working toward self-growth?

This question can help determine if your short-term actions align with your long-term goals. If you’re writing your answers, list the things you accomplished. Then, go through your list and put a start next to each action that helps you reach your goals.

You would be on track if you accomplished at least a few things to benefit your goals. However, you’ll need to reassess if nothing you did helped you get closer.

You can’t get closer to your goals without working on small tasks that’ll help you get there. Every minor step helps, so ensure you accomplish a few each day.

4 – What are my top skills and abilities?

Listing what you’re good at can help with self-growth. Recognizing your skills and strengths can help you get better at them and improve other areas of your life. Once you know your skills, you can delve into how you can become better at them.

5 – How am I taking care of my mental and physical health?

When working hard toward your goals, you must remember to take care of your mental and physical health. Ask yourself this question, listing what you do to care for yourself.

If you find that you could do more, set a self-care and physical well-being routine. You might want to stray from the new activities but stick to them until it becomes a habit.

6 – What can I learn next on my self-growth journey?

You can always learn something new, and it’s up to you to figure out what you want to do next. Please don’t ignore your curiosity, as it can help you develop in ways nothing else can. The more you learn, the better you can make decisions and foster self-growth.

7 – What is my motivation for inviting self-growth and positivity into my life?

Spend some time thinking about why you want to achieve your goals. Identifying what drives you can help you act and continue growing. For many people, their children are the motivation. Others find that their motivation is money or helping others. Whatever makes you want to keep going, find a way to keep it in mind.

8 – What negative traits can I let go of?

Everyone has at least a few negative traits, and identifying them can help you let go. Personal growth requires developing better habits and shifting your negative qualities to a place of more positivity.

Think about the things you don’t love about yourself or that hold you back. Then, consider how you can make a beneficial change in your life.

9 – Do I spend my money wisely?

Finances can be a struggle for many people, and it’s worth thinking about in terms of self-growth. Money can keep you afloat and help you do the things you want to experience. If money tends to be an issue for you, address your spending habits and see what you can do differently.

10 – Do I want to change anything about myself?

If you want to change something about yourself, spend some time thinking about what it is. Don’t change for someone else, but you should do it if you want to. Make the decision for yourself rather than allowing life circumstances to force you.

If you want to make a change, ensure it aligns with your goals. It’ll help you determine which areas of life you should work on.

11 – Am I happy today with how my life is going overall?

This question should be about how you feel about your life today. Consider whether you’re happy with your progress and where your life journey is taking you. Plus, think about what happened today that truly brought happiness to your life.

This thought process will help determine if you’re on the right track. If you’re unhappy today, consider whether it’s because of your overall life or misguided thoughts taking over.

12 – Self-growth is a journey, so am I doing better than I was one year ago?

One way to determine how you’re doing on your journey is to ask yourself if you’re doing better than you were a year ago. It helps you put your life into perspective as you look for growth in the past year.

If you’re doing better, determine what you can do to continue the growth. However, if you aren’t doing better, assess what you can change to start making progress.

13 – Am I willing to put in the work it takes to live my dream life?

You can have all the dreams in the world, but they won’t come true if you aren’t willing to do the work.

If you aren’t willing to work toward your dream, you must assess what you truly want. On the other hand, determine where you should begin if you’re eager to do the work. Remember that you can’t wish your dreams into existence.

14 – Am I balancing my life in a way that brings fulfillment and positivity?

There are five areas of positivity in life that you must focus on, including:

career
fulfillment
community
personal health
intimate relationships

When asking yourself if you’re balancing your life, you must address each of the five categories. Make a list of how you contribute to each of the areas. Once you determine your answers, figure out how much time you spend on each part.

You won’t find balance if you put too much time into one area and not enough into the others. Try to balance the five categories as best you can, allowing you to improve your life overall.

15 – What can I learn from this experience?

You can learn something from every situation you experience. Making it a habit to ask yourself this question promotes self-growth because you’ll always look for learning opportunities. It helps you accept things you don’t enjoy while shedding light on areas you could use some growth.

Final Thoughts on Questions to Ask Yourself to Promote Self-Growth and Increase Positivity

Self-growth starts with asking yourself questions about what you need to do or where you want to go. Spend time thinking about your answers rather than writing the first thing that comes to mind. The more honest you are with yourself, the more self-improvement you’ll experience.

You can’t become a better version of yourself or invite positivity into your life without figuring out what must change. Ask yourself these questions regularly, so you always know which path to take.

12 Ways to Take Back Your Life from Selfish People

August 20, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

There’s not a person alive that doesn’t have some selfish ways. It’s okay to believe in yourself and want the best, but you would never use these desires to hurt others. This is the difference between a person with pride and dealing with a manipulative or selfish person. But how do you set boundaries and reclaim control of your life?

Some folks are just out to get what they can from you, and they will hurt and exploit you to make this happen. These people think only about themselves and never consider the cost to others. How can one deal with such a selfish person without being emotionally affected?

True, there’s a fine line between someone self-assured and egotistical, but no one is better than anyone else. Your needs are just as important as the next person and constantly dealing with these folks can be pretty challenging. As a result, it can drain your resources and even affect your mental health.

Twelve Ways to Take Back Your Life From Someone Selfish

The problem with a selfish person is that it’s hard to get anything through to them. They only have one view, and it’s always biased towards themselves. Any dealings with this person will exhaust you, but you must know how to take your life back from their clutches. Here are some ways that you can accomplish this task.

1. Give Yourself the Attention You Deserve

The selfish person is an energy hog. They will take everything you have to give and come back for more. It would help to give yourself the attention you deserve, as you don’t want to sabotage your happiness.

Quit using statements like “I’ll be happy when…,” as you must learn to find your joy now. Never allow someone to take away the pleasures of being alive. Focus on self-care and mindful living to increase the positivity in your life. Cutting out the negative is the best thing you can do for your happiness.

2. Don’t Give Someone Selfish the Attention They Crave

If you’ve raised kids, you know how demanding it can be to have a toddler. You’ve also learned that if you run to their bed every time they whimper, they will use this to get their way. They become pretty manipulative little people, but this is because they depend on you for everything.

The baby is innocent, but the selfish person knows what they’re doing. They will return for more when you give them the attention they crave. Set boundaries on the attention you allow them to have, or they will drain you dry.

Remember how often you let your baby whimper because you didn’t want to spoil them? You must stop giving in to the selfish person who wants attention. The more you run to their beck and call, the more they will keep calling.

3. Limit Your Time Around Them

You cannot avoid some people, including coworkers, a boss, or individuals that live in your household. However, you can set boundaries and limit yourself to the time you spend with them. If you feel a nagging headache or stomach pangs when you’re around this person, it’s your inner voice telling you something is off.

What about the people that you can’t avoid? Well, in work situations, you can ask to move cubicles. Tell management about the issues you’re having if they warrant help. You can always do something to fix the problem, even if it means finding another job.

4. Don’t Let Them Dominate Your Conversations

The selfish person will always dominate the conversation. They don’t want to hear about your day or the things going on in your life, as everything in their life takes precedence. Don’t be afraid to tell them they’re talking too much, and call attention to the fact that the conversation has become one-sided.

Stand up for yourself, and you must put them in their place. It’s okay to tell them they’re being rude and not allowing you to speak. You must stand up for yourself to this person, or they will continue to dominate your time and conversations.

5. Set Boundaries With Selfish People

In elementary school, teachers work with parents to set effective boundaries for children. They often use a bubble analogy, indicating a personal space no one should cross. You must learn to do the same thing with a selfish person. They don’t respect your limitations, so you must set boundaries and remind them of these guidelines as often as possible.

6. Find Better People for Your Inner Circle

It’s hard to break ties when dealing with a coworker or spouse. However, it would be best to surround yourself with positive people who uplift you.

A toxic relationship with your partner can affect things like your heart, mental health, and even the speed at which a wound heals, according to an article published by the National Library of Medicine. However, the opposite happens when your inner circle is full of people cheering you on.

7. Never Ask for Advice or an Opinion From a Selfish Person

It’s hard when the selfish person you need to set boundaries with is your spouse or a parent, but you should try to avoid asking for their advice. When you show your vulnerability to them and admit you have a problem, they will use this against you. Remember, you are trying to set boundaries, and asking their advice only opens the door to meddling.

Do yourself a favor and get a therapist who will listen without an ulterior motive. Everyone needs a trusted confidant that they can vent and get advice, but you need to make sure it’s someone who has your best interests at heart.

8. Don’t Stoop to Their Level

Why is it so challenging to deal with a selfish person? Remember when you were little, and your parents told you never to stoop to the bully’s level? You probably thought they weren’t giving good advice back then, but as an adult, you understand the value of their wisdom.

This person will undoubtedly frustrate you, but you can’t resort to the same tactics they do. They want you to explode emotionally, show your emotional vulnerability, and fly off the deep end, but you can’t allow them to do this to you. Learn to walk away and not play into their hand.

9. Learn to Say No

When it’s time to set boundaries with a toxic person, the word no can set you free.

One of the most freeing things you will learn to do for yourself is to say ‘No’ without any explanation. You don’t need to give a hundred reasons why you can’t or won’t do something. All you need to do is say ‘No.’ There’s power in this world, as you’re taking back your life and control from someone else.

According to Harvard Business Review, people often find themselves overcommitted, juggling competing priorities, and feeling the pressure from all of it. The review states that you must learn how to say no at the correct times and for the right reasons.

You can be discreet in how you turn down their requests, but ultimately, you’re just enforcing the need to set boundaries and stick to them.

10. Don’t Feed a Selfish Person’s Ego

Everyone needs their ego fed to help improve their self-esteem. However, when dealing with someone who already has such a high opinion of themselves, it’s best not to enable them.

11. Try to Understand Selfish People

While it might not change anything, it can help you to understand why the selfish person is this way. Walk a mile in their shoes and see how you would be different. Most selfish and manipulative people come from horrible backgrounds where their childhood was anything but pleasant.

What you’re seeing is an outward expression of an internal conflict. They have very low self-esteem and will do anything to make themselves feel better. It would be a major feat if you get a manipulative person to show their vulnerability, but they will never heal unless they’re honest with you and everyone around them.

12. Know When It’s Time to Walk Away and Sever Ties

Whether you’re dealing with a family member, spouse, or even a boss, there comes a time when you must break free from these folks. It’s not always easy, especially when coming face-to-face with a situation that will rearrange your whole life. If you’re in a toxic relationship, it can dramatically impact every fiber of your being.

Sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you will do, but you must learn to walk away to save your sanity. The selfish person is unlikely to change, so you must be willing to love yourself enough to walk away from this situation.

Final Thoughts on Taking Back Your Life From a Selfish Person

Dealing with a selfish person can drain your resources and challenge your health. However, taking back your life is something you must do to help you thrive and be happy. Sometimes it’s more challenging when you’re dealing with a spouse or a boss, but you must still set boundaries and enforce them.

Surround yourself with positive people who see the pleasures in living and honestly care for you, and you’ll notice a big difference in your outlook on life. Isn’t it time to love and take care of yourself more?

12 Secrets Men Don’t Understand About Women Until AFTER They Fall in Love

August 20, 2022 by Chris Butler

Unfortunately, there’s no rule book for women and men falling in love. You may have stolen his heart before he knows you. Honest discussions can clear the air and strengthen your relationship.

Do you often feel frustrated that your significant other doesn’t know you? What points would you like to make at the beginning that can enhance your relationship?

Note: Because behavioral markers of men and women often differ, this article fully explores the specific female behaviors that males don’t always “get” until after they fall in love. However, ladies, rest assured, a companion article regarding the secrets of “men” is also available. The behaviors here certainly do not apply to “every” woman, but psychology and studies note them as commonly shared traits among most women.

Secrets Men Realize These Twelve Secrets About Women After They Fall in Love

You never really know someone until you’ve been with them for a while. Here are twelve secrets he probably didn’t realize until after he fell in love.

1. Men Might Not Realize How Ladies Crave Romance

Romance and intimacy are undoubtedly linked, but they aren’t synonyms. While women enjoy their lover’s intimate touch, it’s not all they crave. They want the relationship to be fresh and lasting.

Gals must still be surprised with a bouquet and a little love note saying “just because.” Those whispered pillow talks in the night mean the world to you. Your relationship will never outgrow holding hands, sharing jokes, taking long walks, or listening to that special song.

2. She Loves to Talk About the Relationship

Men generally shy away from discussions that are too emotional. They are OK with chatting if the topic is light. Your partner may feel apprehensive when he hears that his girlfriend wants to discuss the relationship.

He may immediately think that something is wrong, and he will blame himself. While ladies feel comfortable discussing their feelings, they may not feel as free to disclose them. He may try to change the subject or act like he didn’t hear anything.

Many women feel closer to their partners when they talk about their relationship. It doesn’t even have to be something negative. When you fall in love, it’s a journey that you want to share verbally and emotionally.

3. Men Learn How Ladies Need Affirmations of Love

People who fall in love prove it by their actions, not just words. However, you want to hear him tell you how much he loves you. He may do countless things to show affection, but your heart yearns to hear the words “I love you.”

According to an article by Berkeley Well-Being Institute, love and acceptance are part of basic human needs. Everyone must be loved and accepted by their partner, family, and friends. It’s the same necessity for women and men.

Ladies need to let him know how they feel, as words of affection are essential. Gals need their men to say they’re beautiful, worthy, and more than enough. It’s also enduring when he leaves little love notes for you to find.

4. She Doesn’t Have a Romance Timeline

Most women aren’t privy to guys’ “locker room” talk, but you may have a few notions. High school boys often debate whether to kiss their girlfriend on the first or second date. They have notoriously compared intimacy to a baseball game, for example, first base, second base, etc.

You’re not in high school anymore, and your romance isn’t fixed on a timeline. Your intimacy’s progression depends on whether you feel the time is right. If you feel like getting a farewell kiss on the first date, it’s your prerogative.

5. She Likes Chivalry in Their Men (even if they don’t say it out loud)

Good manners and polite consideration never go out of style. When a man shows chivalry correctly, it’s never condescending or inappropriate. Women want their mates to respect them as much today as they did when they first met.

It’s still a loving gesture for a guy to open the car door or hold a door open for his lady. Pulling out her chair, allowing her to go first, and picking her up at the door aren’t outdated gestures. When you fall in love, you want to be even more considerate of each other.

6. She Needs Him to Listen More

One of the essential parts of a relationship is communication, says an article by the Victoria State Government. Neither of you is a mind reader, and a couple can’t assume what the other thinks or feels. Effective communication depends on being a good listener.

Does your significant other truly listen to you, or does he hear and drown out your voice? Women need a partner who takes time to listen to their thoughts and feelings. Active listening includes receptive body language, mirroring emotion, and listening without interruption.

It’s also helpful when they pause and reflect on what you’ve said. They can restate it in their own words for clarification. Actively listening shows how they respect your opinion and can go a long way to avoid misunderstandings.

7. Women Do Not Need Men to be Perfect

Girls dream of falling in love with a handsome prince on a magnificent horse. He would place a glass slipper on the foot of the lady he was supposed to be with forever, and then he would whisk her away to a castle. Living happily ever after for the prince and princess is just a fairytale.

Although some women get stuck in that childhood fantasy, you may be one of the many who don’t buy into it. You may also realize that relationships in soap operas and romance movies aren’t based on reality. It’s primarily cheesy dialogue, lights, makeup, and camera tricks.

Unfortunately, some men believe they must live up to these unrealistic standards. Let your partner know that you aren’t perfect and don’t expect him to be. You know all his quirks, shortcomings, and imperfections, but you love him anyway.

8. She Doesn’t Want Him to Fix Everything

It’s part of the male psyche to be a fixer. He wants to fix everything when things go wrong, and you feel like you’re falling to pieces. He needs to realize that you don’t want him to be in repair mode all the time.

Sure, it’s great when your lover can fix that noise in your car or put together your new bookshelf. Sometimes, you have issues you want to discuss with him, but you don’t necessarily want him to fix them. When he actively listens to you and shows empathy, it’s just what his lady needs.

9. She Wants a Smart Dresser

Gals may not be as visually-oriented as men, but they’re still attracted to a guy who knows how to dress. Even an ordinary fellow looks fantastic in clothes that are stylish and fit well.

It’s a shame that as soon as some guys get comfortable in a relationship, their fashion sense goes south. If he respects you and himself, he will want to look his best for you. There’s a time for strap t-shirts, worn-out pants, or pajama bottoms, but it’s not when you’re on a date.

10. Ladies Love the Softer Side of Men

St. Francis De Sales is credited for saying that nothing is more potent than gentleness nor as gentle as true strength. Of course, women want a mate who’s strong and protective. However, you’re also strongly attractive when he trusts you enough to show his tender side.

He may jump, yell, and high-five his buddies when watching the big game. Ladies love when men shed a few tears in a touching moment of a movie, as it shows their sensitive side. These guys are comfortable enough in their masculinity to show their emotions.

11. She Still Wants Her Own Identity

Often, couples declare that they “complete” one another. Even traditional marriage vows refer to the biblical reference of two becoming one flesh. Although it’s a spiritual metaphor, many couples try to give it a literal meaning.

First, you are a complete person in and of yourself and always have been. You and your mate complement, not complete, each other. If you lose yourself in the relationship, it probably will become toxic and won’t last.

You need time for self-care and self-improvement on your own. While it’s gratifying to do things as a couple, you must also explore your interests. When you both respect each other’s individuality, it can make your bond even more robust.

12. He Needs a Code Book to Decipher What a Lady Means

Women and men often speak their language. They may say something that has an entirely different meaning than the statement’s denotation. Sometimes, your partner must connect with you on a closer level to discern the meaning.

For example, when a lady says something doesn’t matter, it often means that something is eating them alive inside. He won’t walk away if he asks you what’s wrong and you say everything is fine. He’ll read deeper into your heart and soul and want to talk to you about it.

It’s a wise mate who doesn’t fall for the quintessential setup questions like ‘Does this dress make me look fat?’ These queries are often a way of asking him for positive affirmation. He should be able to offer sincere compliments without false flattery.

Final Thoughts on How Men Don’t Fully Understand Women Until They Fall in Love

For thousands of years, poets have compared women with the lovely mysteries of the moon. You have the prerogative to change your mind, and he may never completely understand you. The good news is that his love and devotion are the Rosetta stone that he needs for a beautiful, lasting relationship.

12 Phrases Never to Say to Your Partner

August 20, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Having a healthy relationship requires going through some hard times, but it doesn’t involve saying hurtful things. You might have arguments with your romantic partner, but it shouldn’t cross the line into accusations. Saying harmful things to one another can interfere with your relationship and well-being.

Healthy relationships need more positivity than negativity. Each hurtful comment sticks in your partner’s brain, replaying repeatedly. The positive experiences don’t keep running through their mind, making the negative words and accusations more prevalent.

Since the negativity stays in mind much longer than anything else, you must provide comfort and support more often than not. It can offer security when arguments happen, ensuring your partner knows you still care for them. If you fill your relationship with harmful words, there won’t be a sense of comfort for them to hold onto.

Learning the phrases to avoid saying to your romantic partner can make a difference. If you can hold back these hurtful phrases and words, your partner will know you care for them, even during arguments. Your partner also shouldn’t say these things to you, as it’s up to both partners to build a healthy relationship.

Twelve Things You Should Never Say to a Romantic Partner

Even strong relationships encounter hardship. You and your romantic partner are sure to disagree and get into arguments sometimes. However, what you say during these times can make or break your relationship, and some things can cause irreparable damage.

1 – I hate you.

Telling your romantic partner that you hate them shows bitterness, and it’s incredibly hurtful. Your partner may take the comment as you regretting being with them or wishing you hadn’t spent time on the relationship.

Even if you calm down and apologize for saying it, your partner may still doubt how you feel. It can create trust issues and deep hostility.

2 – You never do anything for me.

This blanket statement is hurtful because it’s likely inaccurate. If it is true, you wouldn’t be with your partner. Accusations like this imply that you assume your partner has no good intentions for you and your relationship.

Telling your romantic partner that they never do anything for you also downplays the efforts they’ve made. It implies that their sacrifices are meaningless, even though they assumed they were doing right by you.

Rather than using this statement when you’re angry, try something else instead. In this situation, you’re likely mad about something your romantic partner didn’t do, but don’t use a blanket statement. Instead, be clear and kind as you outline what you need of them in each situation. It helps your romantic partner understand what you need while ensuring no miscommunication and irritation.

3 – I wish I hadn’t ever met you.

This statement can cause your romantic partner to pull away from you and the relationship. It cuts deep and can cause further issues until the relationship ends. Telling them that you wish you never met them creates intense doubt.

Similarly, saying things like they were a mistake will hurt your partner the same way as telling them you wish you’d never met. The doubt it causes will continue to grow, even as time passes. It will leave your partner wondering if you ever cared about them in the first place.

4 – You have no reason to be angry.

Telling your romantic partner they’re wrong to be angry invalidates their feelings. It trivializes their emotions and can make them hide their feelings from you. In a healthy relationship, there must be communication, including hearing things you disagree with.

Rather than telling them that they are wrong to be angry, listen without judgment. Even if you disagree, it’s not okay to invalidate your partner’s feelings. Accusations that they have no reason for anger can make them feel like they can’t be honest with you.

If you believe they have no reason to be angry, wait it out, and they’ll calm down. However, if you use this phrase, your partner won’t forget it, even after they’re no longer angry.

5 – You would do it if you loved me.

This phrase is harmful, even if all you mean is that you want your partner to do something. Don’t pressure them into doing something they’re uncomfortable with. If you don’t understand why they don’t want to do something, ask what stops them from doing it. Discussing it can help you process without pressuring your partner and making them feel bad.

6 – I wish you were more like…

It hurts your romantic partner whenever you wish they were more like someone else. It creates unhealthy competition while making your partner feel threatened. This phrase can make them feel like they aren’t enough for you, even if you didn’t mean it that way. Avoid saying you wished they were like anyone else.

Additionally, don’t say you wish your relationship could be more like someone else’s. Whichever way you put it, these words can cause unnecessary emotional and mental pain.

7 – You are a little fatter than when we got together.

This phrase (or the opposite accusation–getting too thin) is a form of body shaming. It can disrupt your partner’s mental health, even if you say it as a joke. According to research, body shaming is degrading and harms their confidence.

Your partner trusts your opinion, and you don’t want to hurt them by saying something mean about their body. You might think you’re being helpful, but it does the opposite.

8 – Shut up.

This phrase can slip out of your mouth during an argument. It might be the first thing that comes to mind if you’re angry or irritated, but you should keep it inside. Telling your partner to shut up is harsh and makes it seem like they can speak their mind.

9 – I don’t care about that.

It can erode your relationship if you say that you don’t care. In a relationship, you’re the person that’s supposed to have your partner’s best interests at heart. It can create a fear of abandonment and make your partner feel like you don’t care about them.

Your partner should feel comfortable coming to you about anything. They’ll want to share it with you if they care about something. Don’t tell them you don’t care, or it can create a barrier between you.

10 – I wish our relationship could be like it was in the beginning.

People change over time, and that means relationships evolve, too. You can’t expect your relationship to stay the same when life continues to change. Wishing it stayed the same is wishful thinking, and it can make your partner think you’re not happy with them anymore.

Rather than wishing the relationship was the same, consider what you want now. It’ll help you focus on improving the situation rather than dreaming of the past.

If you want to do something you used to, be specific and say that. It’s less hurtful than saying you wish the relationship could be the same, allowing your partner to make a beneficial change.

11 – You’re acting like…

Negatively saying this phrase is a sure way to start a fight. Accusations can trigger defensiveness and lead to a lack of communication. You might think your partner acts like their mother, father, sister, or someone else when angry.

However, even if you think this way, you should keep it to yourself. Rather than using this phrase, talk calmly to your partner about their behavior. Describe what they do that upsets you, making sure to say how it makes you feel, too.

12 – You are crazy.

This accusation makes your romantic partner think you question their judgment. If you say it too often, it can make them question their reasoning. It’s not good for their mental health and confidence, and it’s hurtful.

Try to understand your partner by listening to what they say and asking questions to help you grasp their thoughts. It’ll make your partner feel like you hear them without disrupting their well-being.

Oops–You Already Made One of These Accusations to the Person You Love. What Now?

Mistakes happen, and you might let some of these things slip out of your mouth during an argument. If you said any of these phrases to your partner, it’s not too late to fix it. You can repair the damage in the following ways:

Admit your faults and acknowledge that you made a mistake.
Apologize sincerely and in person.
Understand that your relationship may not be the same until your partner heals from your words.
Don’t repeat the mistake in the future.

Final Thoughts on Phrases Never to Say to a Romantic Partner

Arguments and disagreements happen, but you don’t have to worsen the situation by making hurtful statements or accusations. These are some phrases never to say to a romantic partner, but there are others. Before you say anything during an argument, think about whether it will hurt your partner.

You don’t want to hurt them or make them question your relationship. If you don’t think you can refrain from saying something hurtful, walk away until you calm down.

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