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12 Behaviors That Reveal an Emotional Eater

August 20, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Do you follow a healthy diet or seek validation through emotional eating? Many people have silenced their inner voice with a chocolate cupcake. How do you know if your emotions control your diet and affect your health?

An article published by the Cleveland Clinic states that your emotions drive at least 75 percent of your eating habits. That means you may eat out of genuine hunger only about 25 percent of the time.

Twelve Signs You’re an Emotional Eater

Are your emotions controlling your gut? This can lead to unhealthy weight gain and improper nutrition. Here are 12 behaviors that reveal you’re not eating to live, but you’re living to eat.

1. You are Under a Lot of Stress

It’s four in the afternoon, and the boss drops a project on your desk that needs to be finished by five. You glance at your to-do box, which seems to be as high as the Eiffel Tower. That familiar sense of physical and emotional pressure overwhelms you.

Does this sound like a possible scenario in a day of your life? According to an article by the American Psychological Association, chronic stress can be dangerous. It can affect every facet of your being, which includes your mental health.

Do you suddenly crave a snack cake as soon as your stress response kicks in? One of the tell-tale signs of emotional eating is wanting food when you’re stressed. The chronic stress and passionate drive for eating create a perfect storm for a health crisis.

2. Food is a Safe Place for an Emotional Eater

Maybe you seek validation through food because it’s always been your safe place. Do your most enduring childhood memories revolve around food and eating? The smell of cookies baking in the oven takes you back to the loving arms of your grandma.

You didn’t have any emotional stress that a bowl of rocky-road ice cream couldn’t calm, which usually happened late at night. Unfortunately, you may have brought these emotional eating habits to adulthood. When the world is closing in around you, it’s easy to barricade yourself behind walls of tasty treats.

3. You’ve Always Had a Weight Problem Due to Overeating

Another common consequence of emotional eating is weight gain and obesity. Your parents may have dismissed your problem as a healthy appetite.

Soon, you went from being a chubby baby to an overweight child and then an obese teen. Now that you have weight issues into adulthood, you’ve tried your share of fad diets. You may have lost and gained hundreds of pounds over the years.

Of course, weight problems can stem from other health issues. However, a life-long battle with weight may be linked with your emotions and lack of validation. Your first step to managing your weight is to deal with issues from your past.

4. You’re Obsessed with All Things Food

Let’s face it; people can’t live very long without eating. Plus, food appeals to your sense of pleasure. The sight, aroma, and tastes of a sumptuous meal immediately make your mouth water.

These pleasure senses evolved to keep people eating for vital energy. Early humans searched for the sweetest berries and plumpest fruits. It made them curious enough to expand their tastes to various healthy food groups.

Emotional eaters take these healthy attractions to an extreme. Do you dream about what you’ll have for lunch while eating breakfast? Maybe you fixate on cookbooks and popular culinary channels on television.

You may dream about your favorite foods and talk about them repetitively. Instead of eating to live, have you noticed that you live to eat? It’s just your way of coping with stress and other situations in your life.

5. You Eat Regardless of Which Emotion You’re Experiencing

For most cultures, meaningful events usually revolve around food. Whether it’s a birth, wedding, funeral, or rite of passage, it calls for a feast. Your emotional state doesn’t matter as long as you’re indulging in a tasty meal.

Building your dietary habits around your emotions doesn’t benefit you. While it’s understandable that food is part of making memories, it can’t be the only thing. Sometimes, you might even overload on snacks because you’re bored.

6. You Often Keep Eating Even Though You’re Full

Your brain has an ingenious tool that controls your feelings of hunger and satiety. An article published by the National Library of Medicine states that the brain and body work together to create these sensations. When your stomach is empty, hormones signal your brain to tell you that you’re hungry.

The same physical/mental process works with gratification. You eat until your stomach is full, and your brain signals that you’re satisfied. At this point, you push away the plate and don’t eat anymore.

Those who are impulsive eaters have conditioned themselves to ignore these natural signals. You may raid the fridge and cabinets even though you’re not hungry. Likewise, you might pile a second helping on your plate regardless of your full stomach.

7. You have a Family History of Emotional Eating

Although researchers can’t fully explain emotional eating, there could be a genetic link. Chances are that if one or both of your parents ate according to their feelings, you do too. It also probably affects your siblings, and all of you may be overweight.

8. An Emotional Eater Relates to Food on a Personal Level

Here’s another common characteristic of people who find validation in food. Your obsession is evident because of the language you use to describe it. Do you say that food “tempts” you or is “calling your name?”

Food is an inanimate object that you are bestowing human traits. Do you ever talk to your food as you prepare it? While you realize that your meal isn’t alive, your emotional attachment is evident.

9. Emotional Eaters Often Cope with Sudden Cravings

You’re working on a report in the office when it suddenly hits you. That insatiable craving for something sweet, salty, or both has captured your attention. It won’t stop until you rush to the vending machine to get your fix.

Although some cravings may be physically based, most are a figment of your mind. Your need for validation, comfort, or stress relief is manifested by craving your favorite food. These cravings can strike you without warning, even after a heavy meal.

10. You Feel Guilty after Binge-Eating

Nobody has a goal of jeopardizing their health by overeating and gaining weight. It just happens if your eating habits dictate your emotions. Gobbling down a whole bag of donuts may ease your anxiety, but only for a while.

After you’ve binged on your favorite snacks, your temporary high slumps with your energy levels, you feel guilty about your weight and how much you’re overeating. The guilt leads to anxiety which soon leads to another trip to the pantry.

11. An Emotional Eater Often Reaches for Comfort Food

Who reaches for a bowl of lettuce when their mood has gone south? It’s a nice thought, but it’s not how most cravings work. Instead, you long for comfort foods you’ve favored since childhood.

These are often processed foods laden with sugar, salt, fat, carbs, and calories. Since your brain often equates taste with pleasure, you want it all. Consequently, most comfort foods can cause you to gain more weight and be less active.

12. You Eat without Much Thought

Back then, most families sat around the table and enjoyed home-cooked meals. They shared stories, laughter, and love that today’s mobile technology can’t replicate. Sadly, a Gallup Poll estimates that at least 24 percent of Americans say they have three or fewer meals together each week.

Could it be that so many people are trying to juggle too many responsibilities? The stress and emotions can cause you to rush through a meal without noticing. Instead of savoring the flavor of each bite and relaxing, you’re too busy and may eat on the run.

Another sign you may notice is mindless eating throughout the day. Think of when you sat with your family to watch a movie and devoured a whole bag of chips. You later stare at the empty bag and don’t even remember chewing the first crisp.

Many people disregard the snacks as if they don’t count. Do you often nosh the whole time you’re preparing a meal? You probably had your daily recommended calories with those snacks before you sat down for dinner.

Furthermore, you may stare at the scales in disbelief. How are you gaining weight if you are so careful at mealtime? If your emotions control your eating habits, you don’t realize how much you consume at once.

Final Thoughts on Knowing the Signs of an Emotional Eater

You needn’t berate yourself if you grab a bite to eat to ease your feelings. However, making it a habit can devastate your well-being and validation of yourself. When you learn better-coping skills, you can put food back into its proper perspective in your life.

8 Reasons Why Parents Should Let Kids Be Self-Sufficient

August 19, 2022 by Chris Butler

Today’s parents try to do as much for and with their kids as possible. They’re encouraged to play, constantly entertain, and chauffeur them all day. It’s expected that parents check their kids’ homework and keep their lives as stress-free as possible. But parents who help their children become self-sufficient also guide them to grow up to be kinder, more responsible adults.

Decades ago, parents expected their kids to play independently, do their homework without help, and contribute to household chores without question. Of course, today’s world differs from what it was thirty years ago.

Teaching your child to be self-sufficient helps them achieve these eight things.

With the internet and social media, it isn’t easy to know how to encourage your kid to be independent and still protect them. Here are eight reasons self-sufficiency is so essential for a child and some simple ways you can promote your child’s independence.

1 – Self-sufficient children are also more self-reliant

Years ago, kids walked to school, rode their bikes to the grocery store, and independently worked out problems with friends. Researchers say these independent kids learned to rebound from difficulties and were more self-reliant and emotionally healthy than young people today. Teaching your child to be autonomous isn’t easy. They may choose to wear clothes you don’t like, but they will become better adults for it.

2 – Self-sufficiency helps them grow up to feel happier

Researchers say that kids feel more comfortable making meaningful contributions to the family when they grow up. Besides expecting your kids to participate in household chores, you can teach them simple household maintenance. Depending upon their age, kids can learn life skills such as how to

Change a light bulb
Mow the grass
Clean a bathroom
Spackle nail holes
Paint a wall
Use a screwdriver and a hammer
Clean grout in the bathtub
Wash a car
Clean windows
Replace air filter

Do these maintenance tasks with your kids. When you know they understand how to do the job safely, allow them to try it independently.

3 – Self-sufficient children are more self-confident

When a child learns how to do things, it builds their self-confidence. All you have to do is look at the face of a five-year-old who knows how to tie their shoes. You’ll see a big, self-confident grin. Their confidence motivates them to try other challenging tasks like cleaning their desks at school or making their bed at home.

4 – The children feel a sense of control over their life

Being self-sufficient also helps your child feel like they have some control over their life. Their world is small, but even simple things like being able to get dressed, clean up their room and come downstairs in the morning build a sense of control.

Be sure to praise your child’s effort, but avoid praising their performance. Studies found that praising a child’s ability is ineffective when a child fails compared to effort praise. Giving your child ability praise only causes them to act helpless and want to give up when they fail. They’ll become negative and give less effort to trying again.

But when you give your child effort praise, they focus on improving their process, showing more persistence and tenacity. Effort praise puts your child in a growth mindset, developing skills by working hard. Researchers say that when a child hears even a tiny amount of ability praise, they reduce their persistence, whereas a child’s self-esteem is preserved when they hear even a tiny amount of effort praise.

5 – Self-sufficient kids are more sensitive toward others

When a child can take care of their own needs, they want to help others. They feel confident that they can help. Your child’s learning experience is fresh in their mind, so they want to help somebody else learn what they learned. Reinforce this desire by giving them opportunities to help someone else through what they know how to do. For instance, you can allow your child to

Help a younger sibling tie their shoes
Show a young sibling how to make their bed
Cut flowers and take them to your neighbor
Help you bake cookies and drop them off for a grandparent

6 – Self-sufficiency increases their self-motivation

Self-sufficient kids are motivated academically. They have a sense of accomplishment and a desire to keep trying. As mentioned, it helps your child praise their efforts rather than all the correct answers. Even if they got some wrong, praise them for trying their best. Don’t make grades the primary importance. Instead, recognize their hard work. This helps them be even more motivated the next time.

7 – Learn how to take care of themselves

Kids who learn to do things for themselves feel capable of caring for themselves. A self-sufficient five-year-old starts kindergarten knowing how to put on their coat and tie their shoes. A five-year-old who hasn’t learned to be autonomous needs help to put on their jacket and tie their shoes. Both kids head off to school, but one child is ready to care for themselves. These children will feel more confident about themselves. They’ll be capable of learning new things immediately, whereas the other child must be encouraged to be more self-sufficient in caring for themselves.

8 – Self-sufficiency reinforces lessons about life and people

When kids earn the freedom to learn and try things independently, they walk away understanding life and people better. Researchers found that kids who help around the house have better relationships with their family when they’re adults than kids who didn’t help in the home growing up. Self-sufficiency sets your kids up for learning experiences so they learn what works and what doesn’t work. These lessons are invaluable when they’re older.

How can you help your kids become more independent as they grow up?

Now that you know the benefits of helping kids become independent, here’s the question. How? Try these age appropriate tips.

1 – Give them chores

Give your child age-appropriate chores. When they’re little, they can learn how to

Make their bed
Put away their clothes
Help clear the table
Feed the dog

As your child gets older, you can increase their responsibilities. Of course, you may need to adjust your standards for what a “made” bed looks like. That’s okay. You can help them focus on doing a better job as they mature.

2 – Give an allowance

Earning an allowance helps kids learn more independence. One mother paid her young daughter a quarter if she cleaned her room but took away a quarter when the room was dirty. The daughter quickly learned she had more money cleaning her room than skipping it. Of course, not all parents like the idea of an allowance because kids might only do chores for a reward. It’s up to you to decide how and when to give your kids an allowance, but it is a helpful way to teach them self-sufficiency.

3 – Teach them how to save (and spend) money

Give your kids a piggy bank at an early age. Guide them on how to save and spend their money wisely. They can save birthday money or their allowance. Talk with them about the difference between needs and wants. Help them make purchases or encourage them to save for more significant investments.

4 – Self-sufficient children can get ready for school by themselves

Let your children dress, brush their teeth, and pack their lunch. Discuss setting out clothes and doing homework the night before and what good food choices are for their lunch. As they mature, teach them to set the alarm and get up independently. They might have a day when they miss the bus or forget their lunch, but that’s all part of the learning experience of self-sufficiency.

5 – Allow them to do tasks alone

When your child is old enough, giving them some freedom is essential. Allow them to ride their bike to your neighborhood playground with their friends. Of course, years prior, you prepared them for how to handle things like not talking to strangers and how to cross a street. So, when it’s time to do it on their own, they’re ready, and you can trust them to do the right thing.

6 – Allow your child to work out conflicts themselves.

You can’t be there for every interaction your child has with other kids, but you can give them the skills they need to work out conflicts independently. Teach them to deal with their emotions, tell others they don’t like something, and apologize when needed. These skills will serve them and help them resolve conflicts when they grow up.

7 – Let them fail

As parents, it’s difficult to watch your child fail. You want to “fix” it for them, but failure is essential to your child’s growing up years. Don’t overreact when they fail, nor should you minimize it to the point where they don’t feel the pain of failure. Failure is a beautiful catalyst to try again. Help your child understand that failure is typical and that what you do with your failure counts.

Final thoughts on helping children grow up to be self-sufficient

When your kids are young, wanting to do everything for them is easy. This is partly because it’s easier. After all, you’re an adult, but sometimes you want them to be little kids and not grow up. Since growing up is inevitable, you might as well teach your child to be self-sufficient. Most researchers will tell you that self-sufficient kids are more confident, happier, helpful, and motivated. This can help your child grow into a robust and capable adult ready to help others and take on the world.

8 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to a Cherished Pet

August 19, 2022 by Chris Butler

The death of a dear companion animal is an agonizing experience. The death of a treasured pet can cause feelings of grief and bereavement.

Losing a pet is unique. Many pets die of old age, illness, or an accident, but some die by euthanasia. This term means you must decide when to put your pet down. This choice may also add to your feelings of sadness. If your pet runs away, there’s no chance of closure or saying goodbye to them. Whatever caused your pet’s death, saying goodbye is never easy.

Eight Reasons Why It’s So Hard to Lose a Cherished Companion Animal

If you’re struggling with losing your cherished pet, it may be helpful to understand why it’s so hard.

1 – Pets bring happiness to people

Something called neurochemistry occurs when you bond with your little animal. A simple exchange between you and your cat or dog triggers the release of happy hormones into your bloodstream. These give you feelings of joy and comfort. The more you interact with your sweet animal, the more bonding occurs and the greater the feelings of happiness.

When your beloved pet dies, this bonding stops. Losing a pet can be devastating for people who rely on their pet as their friend to experience something like a parent-child relationship. Neurochemicals trigger feelings of fear, grief, and sorrow in times like these. The emotional cost of losing your pet is worth considering. Attachments to animals are more substantial if you’ve experienced trauma in the past, and their death is even more devastating.

2 – It’s suddenly quiet in your house

After the death of a pet, your house will suddenly be very quiet. With your pet no longer underfoot, there’ll be no furry friend welcoming you home as you walk in the door from work. Little rituals like belly scratches and nuzzling their fur are over. This new everyday reminder of your animal companion’s death brings a flood of your emotions.

3 – A special bond with your pet

Not everyone has a pet or understands the special bond you can make with a sweet animal. Even well-meaning family or friends may shrug it off after the death of your pet. They might say hurtful things without realizing how thoughtless they’re being. Feelings of grief and sadness are expected, so hang around people who understand your special bond with your pet so you can mourn.

4 – Grief is a moving target

If you try to talk yourself out of emotions, be prepared for grief to hit you out of nowhere. You may say you’re doing okay, but your heart may disagree with your words. It’s easy to assume that losing a pet shouldn’t cause you grief, but it does. Studies show that for some people, grief over a pet’s death is synonymous with a human’s death. Denying your grief can make it worse. Grief over loss is normal, and it’s okay to say you feel sad about losing your cat or dog.

5 – You were your dog’s caregiver

When you bring home a pet, you take on a parental role for the animal. You provide food, water, and exercise. When they’re sick, you take them to the vets. You arrange a dog friend for them to play with once in a while. Being a caregiver to an animal creates a sweet bond between you. This makes the animal’s death even harder as you relinquish your role.

6 – Your dog was a companion animal–but also your best friend

Dogs are wonderful companion animals. They keep you company, and you also keep them company. Your dog might lie at your feet in the evening while reading or watching television. Dogs enjoy being around their humans. When your dog dies, there is a void in your life. The buddy that followed you around the house and came when you called them is no longer around. And that takes some time to get used to.

7 – Will your pet go to heaven?

Many say that after their pet’s death, they had questions about heaven and their pet’s afterlife. Many people have opinions about this. It may not be the best time to ask people’s views when grieving. You need to come to terms with your pet’s death first. You can discuss your spiritual questions with your pastor or priest. They can help answer your questions and pray for you.

8 – Grieving a pet is unique to you

In our society, there isn’t a set way to grieve a pet with a formal ceremony. There are cards you can buy to send to someone who lost a pet. You may find a pet cemetery. If your pet is cremated, you can find a particular spot to scatter their ashes. It’s up to you how you want to celebrate your pet’s life. Remember, your grief will look different from someone else’s grief. So, take one day at a time.

What can you do to cope with the loss of your pet?

Here are some suggestions for coping with your sweet animal’s death. See which one or ones could help you as you walk through the grieving of your pet.

1 – Acknowledge the death

Coming to terms with your pet’s death is key to healing. You may not fully admit your loss for weeks or months. It will happen, and you may feel almost relieved to embrace the harsh reality of your pet being gone. Be patient with yourself. Recognize the depth of your loss of a sweet buddy who laid by your bed as you recovered from a broken foot or used to go on runs with you. Give yourself time and space to grieve.

2 – Move toward the pain

Everything inside of you will want to avoid the pain, pretend it’s not there or ignore it, but the best thing to heal is to move towards the pain of loss. Take time to work through your sad feelings rather than getting busy with projects and other things to pretend that nothing happened. Instead, embrace the pain, and allow your emotions to work out. Talk with someone who understands what you’re going through. Tell them what you miss most about your pet.

3 – Stay active

Of course, don’t sit at home and mull over your sadness. This won’t help you deal with your loss but only make you feel more lonely. Stay active and focus on your daily life. Stay engaged with your personal and professional responsibilities. Take care of your health. Get out with your friends. Visit your family. It’s helpful to avoid what triggers your grief for a few months. Things like dog parks, pet food aisle at the grocery, or pet shows on television might be unhelpful to you until you’re feeling better.

4 – Cherish the memories

One of the best things about having a pet is the great memories you create together. Cherish these memories. At first, they’ll be painful to think about. But with time, these little stories will be sweet to you—even the bad memories like when your silly dog grabbed the pizza off the counter. If you have pictures of your dog, you can look at these with an understanding friend or family member and reminisce about your dear pet’s life and the blessing they were to you.

5 – Adjust your self-identity

Did you know that part of your self-identity may come from owning a pet? Many people go through an identity crisis when their pet dies. If you’re the person who walks the yellow lab around the dog park every morning and talks to your neighbors, it will be a change when you don’t have your canine. You may need to walk in a different neighborhood or find a neighbor to walk with. Whatever it is, you have a new identity without your pet, which is part of the grieving process.

6 – Look for meaning

When your pet dies, you’ll have more time on your hands. Because you’re not a pet caregiver, finding things to do to fill your time is helpful. Perhaps you’d like to volunteer at an animal shelter or tutor kids after school. Looking for meaning after losing your pet will get you on the road to working through your grief. You can also find meaning in helping animals shelters by

Donating money to needy animals
Donating bedding, toys, or food
Help walk dogs or play with the cats
Donate office supplies
Donate cat litter
Donate cleaning supplies
Repost or share the social media site of the shelter

7 – Find grief support groups

You might find a grief support group that deals with the loss of pets. Your local animal shelter or ASPCA can direct you to one of these groups’ information. It’s helpful to talk to others who are going through what you are. You can not only find healing but provide healing for those around you who are also grieving the loss of a dear animal companion.

Final thoughts on Losing a Cherished Pet

If you’ve lost a pet, ask for help from others. You’re going through a lot. Even though you may find it difficult to admit it. You are grieving the loss of a sweet animal companion. Your friends and loved ones want to be there for you. Don’t suffer alone. Find a good friend to talk with about how you’re doing with the death of your dog or cat. Let them walk with you through your loss. It’s better than walking through it alone.

7 Things That Are Perfect To Do Alone

August 19, 2022 by Chris Butler

There’s been a lot written about the harmful effects of loneliness. Social interactions and community can lower stress and even help you live longer. But being alone once in a while isn’t all that bad. It’s called solitude. Practicing solitude gives individuals more happiness and a better sense of their life. Solitude gives you time to reflect on your life experiences and learn about yourself. Here are seven habits to help you enjoy some much-needed alone time.

What’s the difference between loneliness and solitude?

There are two different ways to experience being alone-solitude or loneliness. Loneliness is a negative feeling associated with wishing you had more social contact. Solitude is a choice to disengage from being around people for a time. Studies show that individuals who understand the benefits of solitude have a more positive mood when alone.

7 Habits to help enjoy solitude

1 – Schedule time alone

It’s good to be part of a community where you know people and they know you. But sometimes you need to be alone. Keep a balance by including solitude in our daily schedule. Being alone is self-care that can help you solve problems, know yourself better, and give you a chance to relax.

2 – Start projects you enjoy

One way to establish a habit of solitude is by starting a project. Use your privacy to do a project you enjoy. Alone time gives you an inspiration to be creative or the ability to accomplish something. Finishing a project gives you a sense of accomplishment and success. Projects you can start may include:

Take an online painting class or woodworking class
Organize a closet
Gardening
Go out for lunch
Ride your bike
Test drive a cool car
Go to a museum

3 – Be sure to keep a routine

Be sure to keep a routine that includes solitude. Having a pattern relieves your stress and makes life calmer. Regularly scheduled times with your friends and family help fight loneliness, but alone time is just as important. You may feel selfish or too busy to set aside time to be alone. Don’t overbook your schedule to the point you don’t have time for solitude. You need time to recoup and get a mental break from your busy life. Be sure to schedule time each week to:

Get to bed on time
Have time to relax
Time to read a book or do a hobby
Schedule things like house cleaning, running errands or doing other chores
Schedule some open spaces to allow for spontaneity in your life

4 – Keep your thoughts positive

When you’re having your times of solitude, avoid allowing your thoughts to slip into negativity. Let your mind wander to the bad stuff going on is easy. Avoid rehearsing bad situations or stuff that bother you, like your argument with your teenager or your neighbor’s rude comment. Of course, solitude helps you solve problems, but if the time turns all negative, you must switch your focus to more positive things. Or, if you can’t get yourself focused, get busy on a project in your house or go outside to dig in the garden.

5 – Make self-care a priority

Face it, life is busy, and it’s hard to stop for a break. You may have family responsibilities, household chores, and community commitments. Even during a hectic schedule, it’s essential to practice good self-care. You may think you can function without times of solitude, but you won’t be at your best. You’re apt to be grumpy and tired, which can lead to burnout.

If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t stop, it may be time to do a redo. Start choosing self-care as a priority in your life. You don’t need to take long solitude breaks. Just 15 minutes every day by yourself with a cup of coffee out on the deck can help you regroup and allow your mind to relax.

6 – Get out in nature

Exposure to nature benefits your brain, reduces blood pressure, and improves mental health. Getting fresh air and sunshine even improves your sleep. Studies found a connection between nature and a lowered risk of cardiovascular disease. This is because you’re more physically active when you’re out in nature. This reduces your blood pressure and stress, making you less likely to have a healthier heart. Any outdoor activity is beneficial, whether at the beach, in the woods, or climbing the mountains. You can choose:

Hiking
Walking
Riding your bike
Gardening
Running
Tennis
Pickleball
Shooting a basketball
Reading while sitting on the deck

7 – Solitude is a life choice

Solitude is a life choice. It’s not likely that someone else will schedule it for you. Hearing your thoughts and enjoying a little peace is more than a luxury when life is busy; it’s necessary. You must teach yourself the value and believe it’s essential for your mental health and self-care. You won’t make time for solitude if you don’t value it.

What are the benefits of solitude?

Here are some other benefits of solitude worth considering.

Solitude helps you have more compassion for others.

When you have time alone, you can relax and regroup. You let go of all your negative thoughts and solve problems that bother you. This “house cleaning” of your mind gives you a better capacity to think of others. Of course, there’s a fine line between selfishness and being others-oriented. But solitude isn’t selfish. It’s a healthy way to get yourself in a good place to help others.

Alone time increases your productivity.

Your productivity goes up when you get time by yourself. Just a little privacy helps you get things done. It allows you to be more creative when it’s quiet and you’re alone in your thoughts.

Solitude boosts creativity

When you get time by yourself without the noise of people and activities, it allows your brain to destress. You let go of all your busy thoughts. You can be outside by a lake or sitting on a sofa in your living room. Solitude gives your brain a chance to wander and dream. As you brainstorm, creativity flows. You can dream up a new vacation idea, a book you want to write, or a new recipe you want to try.

Alone time builds mental strength.

Humans are, by nature, social beings. Even if you have strong ties to people, you still need regular time alone. You’ll feel happier and have better mental strength when you’ve had time alone.

Time alone helps kids.

Kids who learn how to spend time alone can entertain themselves. When kids learn how to be alone, they know how to relax and enjoy the quiet.

Solitude helps you plan.

Life happens whether you have a schedule. You must feed your family, wash clothes, and complete hundreds of other tasks. If you don’t create a schedule, you’ll feel you’re just running from one thing to the next. Having alone time allows you to plan dental visits, playtimes for the kids and their friends, and shopping trips for school clothes.

Alone time gives you time to talk to God.

Historically, many religions emphasize the importance of solitude. Spiritual people understand the importance of being alone with God to pray and reflect on life. You can confess your shortcomings, thank God for your many blessings, or ask for wisdom and strength.

Time alone gives you an appreciation for the shortness of life.

An ancient poem says, So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12 ESV). Numbering your days means you realize you won’t live forever. Because you sense this, you make wise choices about what’s essential in life, like times alone and times with others.

How to carve out alone time each day

If you’re convinced that solitude is essential, don’t hesitate to spend time alone. Here are some suggestions for carving out time to be by yourself.

Get comfortable with solitude: You may not enjoy privacy at first. It’s a learned experience. As you spend bits of time alone here and there, you’ll gain an appreciation for it and benefit from being alone.
Every day include a scheduled quiet time for your kids: It can be thirty minutes or an hour in their room looking at a book or quietly putting together a puzzle. This gives you a break to relax and destress.
Stay off devices: During these quiet times, you and the kids should stay off your computer or smartphone. Your brain needs to relax without electronics for better mental health and relaxation.

Final thoughts on enjoying your solitude

Although solitude is sometimes confused with loneliness, it’s a different experience. Of course, you need time with friends and family to grow as a person, but solitude is just as valuable for your growth. This self-care activity helps you grow in creativity, better understand yourself and boosts your happiness. If you’re convinced, that alone time is essential, practice habits to help you enjoy solitude.

5 Steps to Rebuild Your Relationship After Infidelity

August 19, 2022 by Chris Butler

The stable foundation of any loving relationship is love, trust, and faithfulness. If your partner cheats on you, rebuilding that crumbling foundation will take more than love. How can you mend your heart after the cruel betrayal of infidelity?

Five Steps to Reconciliation After Infidelity

The decision to reconcile after infidelity can be an overwhelming task. It takes commitment and works from both partners. Here are five steps for rebuilding your relationship after cheating.

1. Put an End to the Affair to Begin to Heal the Relationship

The first step to healing a relationship after infidelity is for the affair to stop. Period. All communications with the other person must end. There must be no phone calls, texts, or other contacts.

Your partner must distance themselves from the situation and destroy any photos, letters, or other mementos. If they are serious about rebuilding your connection, they shouldn’t have a problem with your request.

However, things can get a little complicated if the other person is a co-worker or, even worse, a close relative. In these delicate situations, they may consider applying for a different department in the company or getting another job. If crossing paths is inevitable, the conversation should be kept to a minimum.

If your partner has cheated in your relationship, the last thing you want to hear is excuses. You want them to be adult enough to say they messed up and for them to make amends.

2. Be Honest About Your Feelings About the Relationship

If there’s ever a time to be genuine and transparent with your feelings, it’s now. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how their infidelity hurt you. They’ve betrayed your trust and broken your heart.

Even though it will be difficult, try to listen to how they feel. Chances are they are experiencing profound guilt and embarrassment. They may feel lost and remorseful because they hurt you and don’t know how to fix it.

These serious discussions probably won’t happen in the beginning. The first communication will probably be a whirlwind of fury and tears. Give yourself some time, so you can both have a heart-to-heart conversation instead of a shouting match.

The notion that time heals wounds isn’t based on reality. You may have a chance to learn better coping skills, but you can’t erase the hurt. Nor can you accept excuses for why they broke things with infidelity.

Nevertheless, time is still one of the best gifts you can give yourself after such a traumatic experience. Both of you need time and space to focus on your next steps. Be patient and let your heart, mind, and soul take all the time it needs to heal.

If your spouse truly loves you, they won’t pressure you into forgiving instantaneously. They need to understand their betrayal’s gravity and how it hurts. The least they can do is be patient and considerate in the process.

3. Get the Support You Need to Recover From Infidelity

After intense soul searching and conversations, maybe you’ve both decided to move forward with your relationship. It doesn’t mean everything will be fine and return to normal. Your first attempts at talking may seem forced and awkward.

When you both feel comfortable and can have a civil conversation, try to spend quality time together. While parts of the conversation must be serious, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom. Discuss the negative things, but you must shift to a positive focus.

These are moments when you can rediscover the love that brought you together in the first place. As you rebuild, you may learn new things about each other you never knew. The quantity of time you share isn’t as important as the quality.

Most people who are faced with an unfaithful mate find themselves in a dark place. It affects you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. More than one person can bear the sense of grief, betrayal, and bitterness.

In the beginning, you may feel too embarrassed or ashamed to talk to anyone about the infidelity. However, it would help if you had the support of your closest family and friends. Only confide in ones that you completely trust and who can remain unbiased in the matter.

Likewise, your partner will need people who can listen to them and offer support. The object isn’t to try to build a team in each corner. You need to gain support for your relationship as a couple.

Getting a counselor involved for you individually and as a couple might be beneficial. There’s probably a plethora of thoughts and emotions you need to explore and sort. Remember that there’s no shame in asking for help from your inner circle or mental health professional.

4. Establish Boundaries for Recommitment

At some point, a partner who cheats has lost their faith and commitment in their relationship. Maybe you’re one of the many couples who choose to rebuild and recommit themselves. It’s not an easy decision, and there will be plenty of hurdles along the way.

According to an article published by Health Research Funding, 31 percent of American couples surveyed would stay together after cheating. However, at least 80 percent say infidelity is wrong, and 99 percent of those polled expect their partners to be faithful. A couple’s chances of dealing with a cheating spouse are one in four.

Maybe the odds of 31 percent who are for reconciliation isn’t the best, but it doesn’t mean things are impossible. It depends on how much you want to fix things and how hard you’re willing to work to make this happen.

Also, is your partner on the same page and determined as you to make amends? It takes two people to create a relationship, and you work together to heal the hurts.

Once that sacred vow is broken, it’s pretty challenging to rebuild. However, it can be done with time, patience, and extensive communication about where to go from this point. Some have compared reconciling after a cheating partner to an exquisite vase.

How do you repair it if it falls and shatters into a million pieces? Only time and hard work will determine if rebuilding is possible. Even once it’s fixed, it will never be as pristine as it was before it was shattered. Take baby steps as you work through the suspicious feelings and bitterness you harbor.

If this relationship is worth saving, your partner must focus on earning your trust and respect. It’s going to be a while before you can trust them on their phone or computer. It may be tempting to spy on their accounts, but that makes matters worse. Give it time to see how determined they are to make things right.

Establishing and enforcing boundaries is the only way to have a healthy, lasting relationship. If your lover has cheated on you, they must have lost sight of these mutual perimeters. Reconciliation will take some serious efforts to rebuild boundaries.

You may never know why they breached these rules, but they’re still non-negotiable. Rebuilding boundaries doesn’t mean that you expect any less from your mate. It’s a long process where you must define your limits and let them know how you wish to be treated.

5. Embrace Self-Care After Infidelity

An article published by Southern New Hampshire University defines self-care as anything you do to keep yourself healthy. It’s a holistic approach that includes body, mind, and spirit. Unfortunately, it’s one of the first things that go out the door after a traumatic experience.

Don’t lose yourself in the rubble when you feel like your whole world is crumbling around you. You can’t love anybody else until you learn to love yourself. It’s essential when your significant other has stepped out on you.

It’s not uncommon for spouses who have been cheated on to blame themselves. You may develop anxiety, depression, and other health issues. Also, you may buy into the delusion that they wouldn’t have cheated if you were younger, prettier, or more intelligent.

Instead of putting yourself down, it’s time to lift your spirits with self-care. Pamper yourself with massages, manicures, and days at the spa. It may not help your current problems, but it can put you in a better mind frame.

Another healthy way you can take care of yourself is by using meditation. Set aside a sacred space in your home to breathe and focus on relaxing your mind. Meditation is ideal for mental clarity and relieving stress.

Journaling is another avenue to explore for expressing your thoughts and emotions. For now, it may be hard to discuss how hurt and angry you are because your partner cheated. Keeping a journal allows you to write whatever is on your mind without pressure or judgment.

Final Thoughts on Rebuilding a Relationship after Infidelity

Few things can break your heart and spirit, like learning that your partner cheated on you. Should you decide to take the path of forgiveness and reconciliation, you must realize it’s a lot of work. However, you may be unable to walk this path, and you should know when to walk away. Realistically, not every relationship will survive such an act of betrayal.

How to Train Your Brain to Feel Good Enough

August 18, 2022 by Zane Landin

Imagine when you were experiencing emotional distress from something that went wrong in your life. Did you feel like your entire world had fallen to pieces? Do you think these self-degrading thoughts regularly? If this is a familiar feeling for you, it may not be surprising for many people because they don’t give themselves grace as they do for others. They lose all sense of positivity and believe they are not good enough.

As a result, they can easily blame themselves when they are trapped with these heartbreaking moments that don’t go to plan. If people don’t train themselves to view themselves more kindly, these thoughts might spiral and enter other parts of their life.

For the people who have trained their brains to feel good enough, they are not immune to the challenges life will throw them. Life will happen, but they don’t allow themselves to experience the true meaning of life. Life is about understanding and not perfection. Falling prey to negative energy isn’t your fault. We live in a world where negativity is fostered in the news and the media. The world includes many pessimistic areas, where it feels like people must work harder to be kind to themselves. They focus on the feelings of melancholy because they may be accustomed to it.

According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative, and 95% are repetitive thoughts. Since a negative culture influences how things are seen, thought of, and perceived in the world, there is a need to methodically and intentionally rewire the brain to achieve the power of positivity. This mindset will help people feel good and worthy and transform how they treat themselves and the people around them.

Rewiring May Be a Gradual Process

As mentioned in the beginning, the world is filled with negativity, but there is also light and encouragement. It just isn’t glorified by the stories told in society. Rewiring and motivating your brain to accept yourself and speak kindly to yourself so you feel good enough can be very hard. For some, their unwavering thoughts may have been personified very young, which stemmed from the people telling them they weren’t good enough.

When a child begins to internalize these feelings from a very young age, they can mature into adult life in overwhelming and maybe catastrophic ways for their mental health, wellness, and esteem. This is a difficult journey because you are tasking yourself with breaking what you learned, which can feel like a challenging adventure. You may desire immediate results, but give yourself the time and grace to embrace change. If you are struggling to love yourself and tell yourself you aren’t good enough, understand it is a process that may take time.

Accept You Aren’t Perfect, But You Are Good Enough

Accepting that the world isn’t perfect, including the people, seems easy. Millions of messages appear affirming people aren’t perfect and shouldn’t strive to be. It is impossible to be perfect, and you set yourself up for failure when you do so. This is an easy concept to understand. But we must still ask this. Why do people come across layers of borders when they try to apply it to themselves?

We already know things are out of people’s control, like how others treat one another. They can’t change people, but some stress themselves by trying to change people and their behaviors. Without positive guidance, even the things in their emotional possession, they may feel lost if they don’t have an ounce of stability. Even for things you cannot control, it doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes. It isn’t a mistake if you don’t learn from it.

Language Matters When You Speak to Yourself

What are the negative thoughts you think of every day? Acknowledging what you believe often will allow you to understand where these thoughts come from. Reflect on how and when these negative thoughts manifest in your life. When you think about these thoughts, what is coming up for you? If you can identify why these thoughts emerge, you can better proactively tackle them when they show up for you.

Let’s try an activity to replace your negative thoughts with positivity from yourself physically. Position yourself in a relaxing, non-distracting space where you can become vulnerable to yourself. Look for a journal or computer you can write on. Once you have what you need, write them down in your journal or type them on your computer, on the left side. This may be a complex task at first, But it is vital to underline these thoughts in your journal and in a place accessible to you. Next to the negative thought, write something you should say. For example, usually, you might think, “I am completely worthless.”

If you already know what you would rather say, you take an excellent first step in retraining your brain to think you are good enough. Some need a reminder, which is why you want these positive replacements you can access with ease. Instead, write, “I made one mistake, the world will not end, and I will do better next time.”

Train Your Brain to Surround Yourself with Positivity

The energy you put out in the world is precisely what you will face and undergo. If you are putting negative energy into the world, don’t be surprised when you make the stark discovery you are also receiving it. Energy is vibrational, and people need to be intentional and responsible about what they put into the world. The best part is knowing you have a choice to make–positivity or negativity. You can empower yourself by taking ownership of your emotions and energy or sulk in the dread and negativity. Choose wisely–that negativity is why you might not feel good enough.

If you surround yourself with people who do not bring out the best version of yourself, there is nothing wrong with changing your physical or virtual surroundings, including those you associate with. It isn’t about what you put into the world because sometimes your surroundings can encourage negativity. If that is the case and you want to be around positive energy, there is something called detachment. Detachment is not something you should fear. It is often shamed, but it needs to be embraced more.

Final Thoughts Training Your Brain to Feel Good Enough and Restore Positivity in Life

Training your brain to feel good enough can be long and demanding, but taking these initial efforts to appreciate who you are will reinforce your wellness, wellbeing, positivity, and esteem in your future. It will make you feel better about how you treat yourself and others.

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